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Quarrels with her husband, reasons how to avoid, reconciliation. Difficult family situation. Is there a way out? Why do we fight all the time

What would our life be like without quarrels? In fact, every person is subject to quarrels. At home, at work, in relationships, sometimes even strangers start fights. And so, day after day, communication turns into a showdown. This article is devoted specifically to quarrels in the house, with friends, that is, with loved ones. After all, if we quarrel in transport or in a store with a stranger, we will feel uncomfortable, but no more. We take seriously only quarrels with loved ones, such quarrels can hurt us to the quick and offend for a long time.
Sometimes, our friends and relatives accidentally hurt us in such a way that the white light is not nice. Basically, people are not hurt by the quarrel itself, but by the emotions, speech and gestures with which his close people speak hurtful words. To put it simply, we don't know how to communicate. In most cases, people do not want to quarrel or stir up a fight over petty omissions. But there are times when we get hurt and then, as they say: rushed! Indeed, with any attack, the main thing is to defend, and in such cases the quarrel turns into a scandal. It also happens when the interlocutors are trying to prove something to each other, speaking at the same time and essentially not hearing anything. How to avoid a fight?

To begin with, psychologists recommend that when contacting a person, mentally bow to him (preferably a couple of times). This method removes the aggression accumulated over a hard day or from fatigue, problems in life. In addition, we all know our loved ones and, of course, from vulnerabilities. You need to try not to mention the unpleasant moments in the life of the interlocutor, not to hurt him. Let your interlocutor hurt you in this way, but be smarter: take care of your nerves and the feelings of people close to you. Restrain yourself, try to be calm and balanced, because then you may regret the words spoken. And the most important thing is your attitude. If you are setting yourself up for a quarrel, you can forget all of the above tips. And if you do decide to go peacefully, forget about the insults, reproaches and insults.
Many people think that if a person yells at him, that I just stand and listen in silence? No, you can just walk away from the interlocutor, or withstand the pressure until he calms down, and then talk normally. Believe me, when you behave calmly with the aggressor, he begins to back down. Thus, you have the advantage and the opportunity to avoid scandal.

You definitely need to work on yourself, learn to restrain yourself, suppress pride and try to find a compromise. Speak your feelings with the interlocutor, it will become much easier and more pleasant for both of you to communicate with each other. If your loved ones find out how you feel (for example, the pain of resentment from the words they said), they are shocked by the truth, and next time they will try to fix everything and not do more stupid things. Behave like adults, because only children are typical during a quarrel without hesitation to prove something. Do not take out evil on loved ones, neither you nor they deserve it!

Since conflicts are a way of resolving contradictions that arise, they are inevitable. It is impossible to eliminate them, but you can overcome them with minimal losses. How do you learn these tricks? Tired of sorting things out with your other half? Then this review is what you were looking for. In it we will talk about how to avoid quarrels and live in peace and harmony.

Another quarrel! The dishes were broken, the husband listened to a mountain of insults, in response he threw hundreds of hard-hitting words in the face of his “beloved” wife. You are all seething with indignation and anger, your heart is beating wildly, your hands are shaking, one question throbs in your head: “When will this end? How to get rid of this? "

Family conflicts and quarrels

  • Americans resolve all issues with a psychoanalyst. Recently, however, a new trend has emerged: Europeans and residents of the United States began to turn to the services of conflict resolution specialists for help. Such specialists help to get to the bottom of the cause of the conflict, to bring it out of the everyday plane to the level of constructive dialogue. Since in our life contradictions are encountered at every step - at home, in transport, and in the workplace, this trend is not surprising.
  • Statistics claim that the main reason for all divorces is the emergence of irreconcilable contradictions in the family.
  • Spouses always quarrel and argue, even if they love each other to the point of unconsciousness. Everyone has their own point of view, and everyone defends it, meaning by this their power. And the reason for the quarrel is not important. The winner turns out to be the head of the house, therefore both husband and wife try to prove it again and again.
  • The form of the dispute can be different: you can calmly argue your point of view, or you can break dishes, insult, shout and hysteria. The first method will allow you to come to a compromise and exclude the repetition of the dispute in the future. The second - exacerbates the situation, destroys the relationship, leaving an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul of each participant. Over time, this relationship ends as loving people turn into two enemies.
  • The basics of conflict management will teach you to keep your feelings, avoid aggressive manifestations, and get your way, taking into account the interests of both parties. The rules are the same for both the instigator of the quarrel and the defendant. Peacefully resolving the conflict is called "soft confrontation" - this is a whole set of rules that will help not to bring a quarrel to a destructive war and will allow you to resolve the contradiction.

1. Heart-to-heart conversation

For example, the evening was excellent: you had a nice dinner with what you prepared. After the meal, the husband goes to watch TV, and the pile of unwashed dishes is left to you. This is not the first time this has happened. But today you are more tired than ever, because it was a difficult day at work. You don't want to endure it again, so the first impulse is to shout loudly: "Dear, march to the kitchen to wash the dishes!" Stop! Such an outbreak of conflict will not lead to anything good. Perhaps he will shout back: “Don't you dare yell at me! I'm watching the final, wash it myself! " etc. You will get even more angry, which will lead to a major fight. And the bottom line, who will wash it, will not matter.

Rule: any conflict needs to be managed. Instead of heartbreaking screams, come and share your feelings with your spouse. Say that you would also watch TV for your pleasure, but someone needs to wash the dishes, and you are very tired today. Describing your condition, you find a middle ground between submission to the unfair behavior of your half and direct blaming your partner. Often, such a subtle hint allows the spouse to realize his behavior, after which he will help or do everything himself.

2. Asking for help

For those men who do not understand hints or do not want to understand, more radical tactics are suitable. It is necessary to make direct offers to them, but in a mild form. Perhaps it will be enough for him to hear the call: "Beloved, maybe you will help me?" But hitting the dishes on his head or snatching the TV remote from his hands is unlikely to work in your favor.

Another situation: you are already ready to buy a handbag, and took out the required amount from your wallet, and the faithful laments everything: "If you buy this bag, I will buy a new prefix tomorrow!" You should not stand in a pose with such speeches, they say: "My money, as I want, so I do with them!". If you have a common family budget, if you agree on all purchases, then this position will lead to a conflict. Better to mitigate the situation by continuing to explain your reasons why you need this handbag so badly.

3. Justification for him

So, your half is sitting, frowning and alert on the sofa, ready for a quarrel, but does not move to the kitchen. Well, you can try to justify it: “I understand everything, you are tired too - this week there was a lot of work, you want to rest. But, maybe all the same ... ". This wording allows you to defuse the situation a little, without removing the blame from him.

And you bought a handbag! The beloved tears up and rushes in his soul, sits gloomier than a cloud. What to do? There is a choice: you can yell at him, take offense and put him to sleep in the living room at night, or you can relieve tension. For this, it should be partially justified by the fact that men do not attach the same importance to handbags as women do.

4. Truce

He digs deeper and deeper into the sofa cushions, never intending to go to the kitchen to wash the dishes. At the same time, you push and continue to insist. He believes that you climb with trifles, and you are outraged by his selfishness and laziness. Your mutual resistance is a reason for a quarrel. Well, you have to go to a truce: “Honey, I feel that we are going to have a fight. I really don't want that. " This wording makes him understand that the conflict is about to flare up, but you are trying to avoid it. As an alternative, you are offered peace, which must be concluded under the terms of justice. He will have to choose whether or not to fight this evening.

So, you are happy, you sit and hold your purse, and he - at the wheel, laments about your extravagance. In this situation, you need to firmly tell him (only without aggressive notes in his voice!) That these conversations will lead to a quarrel that you want to avoid.

5. Advantageous offer

While your soul mate is thinking about what to do, you can use one technique. Offer him your way out of this situation: one that will satisfy your requirements, but will also noticeably reduce his difficulties. There will be a compromise that will restore your dignity and not humiliate it. For example: "Today you will wash the dishes, and tomorrow I will do it."

An even better option: “Let's make this rule: he who cooks does not wash the dishes. When you cook, I will wash. " And do not be boring, let him think a little, watch his football. At the same time, the pressure is increased, but softened. That is, the requirements remained, but you gave a constructive proposal to fulfill them.

You have arrived home, and your spouse is still excited about your purse. Don't shut up or frown. Look for compromises: “If you want a set-top box, buy it! Let's just close the topic of my purchase. Good?".

6. Elimination of aggression

During the conversation, you should carefully monitor the tone of your speech. Even when he indulges in taunts at you. It is worth remembering the main thing: you need to achieve your goal without quarrels! Any irony or anger in response will surely provoke them. According to conflictologists, it is this way of behavior that allows a person to prove him wrong: when you calmly react to all the mockery and continue human normal communication.

His verdict: you are a victim of fashion, a spender and a ragmaid! You should not tell your husband in response that he has a low level of intelligence, and generally keep quiet about his figure with a belly! It is already wound and taut like a spring. Speeches like this will only stir up conflict.

7. Never sort things out in public

Remember the old Russian proverb about dirty linen, which cannot be taken out of the hut. So, it is relevant in our time. Public skirmishes not only harm your couple's image, they also make your privacy vulnerable. After such a showdown, everyone around will know about the disagreement between you and the number of advisers and those who want to get into your personal relationship will automatically increase several times, and this will inevitably lead to new quarrels.

8.It will be difficult for your significant other to know what exactly you want if your desires are not voiced

Therefore, make it a rule to say your wishes out loud. Do not be silent if some action of your partner offends you. Discuss this point, and there will be fewer reasons for quarrels.

9. Don't let anyone get into your relationship.

Our parents want us well and in this regard, they are constantly trying to change us for the better. However, with age, they forget that they are not small children, but already formed personalities. Make it clear to your family that you have grown up, and you can easily solve important life issues yourself. The husband should stand up for his wife and protect him from the attacks of his mother-in-law, and the wife simply needs to convince her parents that only she and no one else can evaluate the success of her chosen one.

10. Stop on time!

When a fight is inevitable and emotions overwhelm you, it is better to leave. No, of course, we are not calling, like an ostrich, to hide its head in the ground. You just need to wait a while, and when the emotions subside, calmly discuss the situation. Remember that an insulting word thrown in the heat of the heat of a quarrel can become that frontier that will forever separate you from your loved one.

11. Don't let everyday things "gobble up" love

As practice shows, quite ordinary things become the cause of quarrels between spouses - a garbage can not taken out in time, cleaning an apartment and similar trifles. We propose to divide the economic tasks equally and to fulfill them together as much as possible. By working side by side, spouses will be able to find mutual understanding and understand each other better.

12. Paint your life bright colors

Try to share positive memories with you and your spouse. It brings people together the best. Going out into nature with friends, going to the movies, going to theaters or just taking a walk in the park. All this will help you become an inseparable couple.

13. Always keep in touch with your significant other.

Work takes up most of our time, we spend at least 8 hours a day on it, and then spend time on the road. At home, a routine life and a long-awaited dream await us. If we analyze this situation, it will become clear that we see our relatives very little. Quite often, this leads to quarrels and even serious quarrels in the family. In order to avoid such a situation, we suggest the following. Make sure to call your husband (wife) during the day. Remember, your mental connection should not be interrupted. It's great if you manage to chat for 10-20 minutes. When time permits, you can have lunch together or go home from work together.

14. Compliments

The final chord in a dispute about dishes, when your faithful did not agree to wash them, will be a sincere compliment.

Tell him: “Darling, I feel that we can quarrel, and this can be the reason for divorce. Where can I then find such a wonderful spouse? " So in the form of gentle resistance, you convey to his consciousness a request to sincerely help smooth out the situation. If he loves you, then he will definitely go to wash the dishes. No arguing, shouting and swearing.

Handbag. You are on the edge. The thought pulsates only one: "I would throw an unfortunate bag at him, go to Masha and sit together, discussing these goats!" Patience! Assault fight! Use compliment tactics. It may well be that the phrase will help: “Darling, you are the most generous man in the world! And our income allows us to make purchases for ourselves. It's amazing that this particular handbag touched you so much! "

15. Learn the language of love together

Remember, courtesies are the language of love that shouldn't be forgotten. Give flowers, compliment and just say sweet words to each other.

16. Don't forget about sex

Intimacy is one of the components of a harmonious married life. If problems arise in bed, then quarrels cannot be avoided.

17. Build a bridge of trust

Family relationships are a complex process that can be made as simple as possible on one condition. If you love and trust your soul mate, then your relationship, with all its imperfection, will be just perfect. Make sure that your partner can openly talk about what worries him, and together you will find a way out of this situation.

Each person is surrounded by people with whom you do not want to break off relations, but the communication itself causes a lot of problems. How to be in such a difficult situation?

Of course, no one can force another person to experience emotions at will. We are all unique and we want our opinion to be heard. A certain percentage of people, and I must say, quite a large one, generally strive to avoid conflicts and quarrels with loved ones and even unfamiliar people. Therefore, any disagreement with your mom, girlfriend or colleague at work can turn into a serious quarrel.

But fears are unfounded, first of all, you must understand that people, strangers and indifferent to each other, will never quarrel. On the other hand, you can make the conflict go away. Psychologists advise, when the first friction arises, not to bring the problem to a confrontation between the parties, but to sit down at the negotiating table. If you discuss what is happening calmly and in a friendly atmosphere, it is likely that points of understanding between you will be found.

In fact, it is quite difficult to get rid of the habitual behavior. You will want to give up on everything under the influence of emotions. But, analyzing the situation, you will surely find a convenient way out.

Stage 1

Getting rid of old habits. Your friend doesn't want to support your point of view, and you notice yourself raising your voice. Something makes you behave in a familiar way, thoughtlessly and impulsively. Under any pretext, stop the conversation, take a breath, if you are talking on the phone, you can say that your porridge is burnt or a pipe has burst. If you are communicating in person, stop the conversation, citing an urgent need to call back.

Stage 2

We slow down. Taking a break can calm your thoughts. So, you will begin to reason sensibly, and offensive words that you could throw after your friend will remain unspoken. Do you know how to cool down without assistance? Perfectly! But if necessary, get help from outsiders. It is possible to return to the discussion of the sore point again after a while, but not in the heat of passions.

If emotions are overwhelming, use the right means: for women it is, for men - a cry. Neither one nor the other helps? Ask yourself the question: which is more important for you, to prove your own innocence or to keep the relationship?

Talk about your emotions, just do not go into a discussion of the personality of the interlocutor. Just dedicate it to your feelings: "I am very offended that this is happening", "I would like to understand the problem and find a way out." In fact, words are a real substitute for any action. Talking is much better than holding a grudge or banging the table with all anger.

Stage 3

Create an enabling environment for negotiations. When discussing what happened, do not try to reconcile at any cost, do not act out on the other person, this can lead to a dead end in your relationship.

Stage 4

Be diplomatic. When the biggest wave of emotion has passed, talk it over calmly. It is important to find a suitable place for the conversation so that no outsider can interfere with the conversation. Extra people will only exacerbate the problem, because if there are spectators, some of you may behave insincerely.

Remember, any criticism can destroy a friendship. If you start to find out the circumstances of the conflict, criticizing each other and calling names, you will not come to anything.

It's hard to live without doing anything. But we are not afraid of difficulties.
​Folk wisdom

The main thing is not to forget about the main thing.

Even in a happy, harmonious family, tension, misunderstanding, and disagreement can arise between loving spouses. And this is quite natural, because in the same family two living, sometimes very different people met. Disagreements between people are inevitable, but spouses must learn to differentiate, to share what really requires serious and calm discussion in these disagreements, and what, as Carlson said, is "trifles, a matter of everyday life."

After living together for some time, a husband and wife usually find out that there are topics, subjects, the discussion of which necessarily leads to tension in communication, and even quarrels. Don't make the same mistakes over and over again. My wife and I have already studied our pitfalls and we know that conversations on certain topics almost always lead to irritation and condemnation. The family ship must be navigated carefully, avoiding reefs and dangerous shoals. Another image: in family life, as in chess, it is necessary to learn to think two or three moves ahead, thinking, anticipating what a spoken word or action may lead to in the future. You need to try to give in in small things so as not to lose more. Thus, a chess player can sacrifice a pawn, knowing that if he does not do this, then in two moves he will lose his queen.

My wife, preparing for any trip, prepares very slowly and carefully. By the way, this trait is inherent in almost all women. One of my acquaintances, going with her family to visit us - and she lives in the suburbs - spent two or three days on getting ready. At first, this feminine feature pissed me off, but then I realized that because of this it is absolutely not worth sacrificing peace of mind and peace in the family. Now, if a journey is ahead, especially a long one, I myself make sure that my mother has enough time to prepare. In order not to get ready in the last hours, I give her a couple of days to get ready and at the same time try to free her free time, for example, I go for a walk with the children.

It is necessary to plan our family life in such a way that it brings our loved ones and ourselves maximum joy. Anger, irritability, selfishness, stubbornness, intransigence, unwillingness to compromise - all these qualities inevitably lead to quarrels, and they need to be burned out in oneself with a hot iron. And vice versa, to cultivate in your soul kindness, justice, condescension, respect for the opinion of another person, deference.

It's terrible, but sometimes we behave worse with our loved ones than with all other people, we are not ashamed of them. At work, in the company of friends, on the street, we are polite and helpful, and when we come home, we can disrupt the accumulated fatigue, irritation, and anger on the closest people. But our loved ones deserve a completely different attitude. Of course, this is a certain work - after coming home, despite a difficult day, problems at work, keep a good mood, do not forget to support, please your family. When we make a loved one happy, we also give this joy to ourselves. From a kind joke, an affectionate word, it becomes joyful in the souls of both spouses. As it is sung in the song of Bulat Okudzhava: "Let's say compliments to each other, because these are all happy moments of love."

I observed this situation several times. Due to the tense, difficult situation in the family, one of the spouses left home for a while and lived separately (say, with his parents). And after a while, the husband and wife understood that they could not live without each other, realized their mistakes, and the family was reunited again. As the proverb says, "it is close together, but apart is boring", or else: "what we have, we do not keep, but when we lose, we cry."

Of course, practicing this method of solving family problems is quite dangerous. After all, if the feelings and affection of the spouses are not strong and strong enough, they, on the contrary, may like to live separately. In a situation of mutual irritation, they may succumb to various temptations and begin to seek solace in casual hobbies. And in general, in order to realize all the absurdity of the family "cold war" and start looking for ways of reconciliation, it is absolutely not necessary to leave the family. It is enough just to look at the conflict as if from the outside, “look back in anger” and understand the whole abnormality of the situation.

One friend of mine repeated: "The main thing is not to forget the main thing." And the most important thing for us is to save, to preserve our love, feelings, respect for each other, and everything else is really "trifles, a matter of everyday life."

Difficult family situation. Is there a way out?

It is often necessary to observe families where wonderful people come together. Separately, they seem to consist of the same merits: wonderful friends who will always come to the rescue in difficult times, interesting interlocutors, talented, educated, intelligent. But, having gathered together, in the same family, they cannot find a common language in any way, they constantly quarrel and torment each other. And what is most sad, spouses often get used to a difficult family situation, resign themselves to it and, seeing no way out, either begin to live in a state of constant sluggish conflict, or seek solace somewhere outside of family life. In the best case - in communication with friends or in a favorite pastime, hobby, at worst - in drinking and hiking "to the left".

I had to listen to many sad stories about family troubles, and I can say one thing: only then, with God's help, the husband and wife managed to come to reconciliation when they understood that in a conflict situation there are no innocent and absolutely right. Only when you see your mistakes and wrong, you can come to an agreement.

An acquaintance of mine, who has been in a protracted family conflict for many years, told me in despair: “I made a big mistake: I never loved this woman. And now I am suffering. " But I remember well how once, in the early period of their marriage, he was affectionate and gentle with his wife, as he confessed to me that he loved her very much. It means that they simply did not manage to preserve the love that they had.

But if the spouses really want to rectify the situation, if they do not maliciously go to confrontation and at least one side wants peace, there is every chance to come to reconciliation and return love.

Some couples are so used to living like a cat and a dog that they no longer believe that it is possible to change anything. They lack determination. Why do we, for example, commit the same sins? There is not enough determination to leave them, to begin to fight them in full force. It seems that I want to give up sin and I myself feel scared, ashamed, but the habit (including the sin), as you know, is second nature. And what is most unpleasant, people get so used to a difficult family situation that they even feel comfortable in it. But this, of course, is an absolutely wrong position. Acquiring peace, overcoming conflicts is the sacred duty of every Christian. “If it is possible on your part, be at peace with all people” (Rom. 12:18). And we must first of all embody this commandment in our own family.

Why can't spouses come to peace and harmony in the family? One of the main reasons is the unwillingness to work on our shortcomings in order to come to unity in married life. After all, everyone understands perfectly well: quarrels and conflicts are bad, you need to strive for peace and understanding. Many even know how to improve the situation, but it can be very difficult to break the usual established, although the wrong way of life. It is much easier to live by inertia and hope that the problem will resolve itself or the spouse will miraculously change.

The words "difficult", "labor", "work" are all of the same root. Any real work is associated with difficulties, obstacles. But this work is fertile, and without difficulty, as you know, you cannot even get a “fish out of the pond,” much less improve, you cannot reconstruct your family life. After all, living without changing anything, resigned to a difficult, oppressive family situation, is also not easy, and how. As the saying goes, “it's hard to live without doing anything. But we are not afraid of difficulties. "

In one Orthodox book I read a non-contrived and highly instructive story of a woman. Her name is Vera. This is almost a confession of an Orthodox Christian woman who could not save her marriage and broke up with her husband. Vera tells in detail the story of her acquaintance with her husband (they were parishioners of the same church) and life in marriage. She analyzes in detail the mistakes that she and her husband made in their life together and which subsequently led the family to disintegration. Both Vera and her husband had a very easy job, they had a lot of free time, which accustomed them to an idle lifestyle. Their laziness, unaccustomedness to work was reflected in their family life. Unwillingness to come to marital unity, the search for a carefree and irresponsible life, the inability to carry each other's burdens and led to divorce. For several years of marriage, they were unable to come to like-mindedness and love. They had no children for three years. And when the long-awaited child was finally supposed to appear, the husband did not want to change anything in his usual life, especially since the mutual tension in the relationship between the spouses, apparently, had reached its limit. He left the family, leaving his wife with an unborn baby. Here is such a sad story. The end of this little story is especially instructive.

Several years have passed since the divorce. Vera's husband regularly paid her "alimony" and communicated with her and her son. The former spouses maintained friendly relations, met, they always had something to talk about. The husband never created a new family and asked Vera more than once if they should not be reunited again, because their marriage was married, so why not live together again?

And Vera gives the following answer: “Reunion is impossible, because they have not changed at all, remained as lazy and proud as they were. To restore a marriage, a lot of hard work is needed (and she apparently does not want to work), and therefore all they have to do is repent of the sin of divorce and continue living as they lived ”.

That is, Vera does not want to restore marriage with her husband, not because she cannot forgive him (she also sees her great guilt), but because she does not want to change - this, they say, is terribly difficult. It would seem that the mistakes have been analyzed and realized, the woman feels guilt for what she had done, but the laziness and inertia that ruined her marriage again do not allow her to change the usual, established way of now a new life and begin to correct sins and mistakes, to fight with herself. And the Christian is always given the opportunity of spiritual rebirth after repentance. Repentance is not a statement of the fact of committing a sin, but a change in life. And most importantly, in Vera's marriage, unity and mutual understanding between the spouses was not achieved. Remember the phrase from the movie "We'll Live Until Monday": "Happiness is when you are understood"? And love is built on understanding. And conflict is a lack of understanding.

Unity is created not by blind humility and obedience from one spouse to another, but by the ability to come to agreement on the most important issues. Husband and wife just need to learn how to communicate, talk, discuss family problems and current affairs. Vera regrets very much that out of false humility she did what was difficult for her as a woman, did only out of obedience to her husband and never once voiced her own wishes and suggestions. Again, apparently, it was easier for her, because being able to talk, communicate, and seek a compromise is also not an easy task, requiring skill and work.

A conflict is a clash of opinions, but it does not always have to end in a quarrel and scandal. So that the disagreements between husband and wife do not grow into something more, you need to be able to discuss controversial issues, look for a solution that would suit both spouses. I will give a small scheme for conducting a calm, constructive conversation to overcome a conflict situation.

1. It is necessary to conduct such an important conversation only in a calm state of mind. In no case should you try to solve something in a moment of anger and irritation. “A hot-tempered person can do stupidity,” says Solomon's parables. A person in this state is simply not able to adequately assess the situation and conduct a serious conversation, he is in a state of passion, his anger and wounded pride speak for him. "The morning is wiser than the evening". Why? In a tired, irritated state, it is very difficult to make the right decision. Better to postpone the conversation until a suitable opportunity arises. During this time, emotions will subside, and the decision will be easier.

2. Do not forget to pray before discussing a family problem for the bestowal of wisdom and peace to you, as well as for the Lord to help resolve a controversial issue and reconcile spouses.

3. Always highlight the main problem that needs to be solved in order to achieve peace and unity in the family, do not be distracted by secondary issues. And remember: we gathered in order to find a solution, and not to assert ourselves, to leave the last word for ourselves, or, God forbid, to offend a person.

4. It is necessary to make it clear to our opponent that he is still dear to us and that we have gathered precisely to achieve peace and love in the family.

5. The resolution of the conflict must be approached objectively and impartially, see your guilt and not blame your neighbor for everything.

6. And the last thing. In the first paragraph, it was said that before the discussion, you need to give some time to calm down the parties, but you should not drag out a serious conversation either. The estrangement between spouses can grow over time, and the problem will be more difficult to solve.

Your husband is angry for any reason and even for no reason, his eyes are bloodshot literally over any trifle, but he was not always like that. You love him, and do not want to divorce him, while you realize that family life is turning into a terrible hell.

In this article we will try to figure out how to deal with the aggressive state of your beloved. But before that, you will have to be patient and analyze the reasons for the quarrels that occur daily. So, let's try to highlight the main reasons for quarrels:

Childhood mental trauma... Sometimes, the child perceives aggressive behavior as a norm of behavior, seeing how his parents constantly quarrel and find out problems in an increased tone in front of the child. You should not be surprised that when such a child grows up, he will also raise his voice at any trifle, it is just that he was not taught how to behave differently in this situation.

Low self-esteem. In the depths of your loved one’s aggression lies low self-esteem. He tries to assert himself by humiliating and insulting the people around him.

External factors that negatively affect a person's behavior, for example stress, fatigue after a working day, physical or mental discomfort, headache puts your loved one into an aggressive position.

Taking out a grudge against another person for example, his work is in trouble or the battery on his cell phone runs out at the most inopportune moment, his credit cards are blocked, his car breaks down. He cannot express all the grievances to every offender, so he breaks down on loved ones. Of course, this situation is unfair.

Of course, there are enough reasons to annoy a person in the modern world, and most often it is close people who fall under the hot hand. You should not find out the attitude in front of strangers, relatives or children, sometimes it is better for you and your "aggressor" to remain silent at a certain moment and postpone the conversation until a suitable, quiet situation.

Let's now analyze the points of how to avoid an unnecessary quarrel:

Understand it... Try to understand his character, why he is just like that. Find out how his childhood went, what his father was like, how the relationship between father and mother developed. Ask what worries him in your relationship, what he fears in the future. There are situations when a person just needs to speak out in order to change his worldview to his aggression.

Analyze the circumstances... If a serious conflict arises, do not immediately quarrel, do not try to defend your point of view. First, pause, weigh all the circumstances, try to evaluate this dispute from both sides. Do not try to offend the interlocutor, let him say everything, try not to interrupt him, do not forget, your main goal is to reach mutual agreement.

Solve all problems once and for all. Most disputes occur when household responsibilities are not assigned. Try to clearly divide all responsibilities by roles, agree on who will cook, who will wash the dishes, who will throw out the trash, and so on.

Avoid aggression... Observe your aggressor, try to even write down all the moments and situations that annoy him. And in the future, try to avoid or prevent moments that throw your loved one out of mental balance.

Sport is power! Make your loved one go in for sports, even a half-hour jog or boxing with a punching bag will help restore your mental state, discharge the accumulated negativity that has gathered in one lump for the whole day. Better yet, start playing sports that will suit both you and your man, scientists have proven that doing a common cause strengthens family relationships.

Praise and only praise. By complimenting him, you will help him to believe in himself, to assert himself in life. He will also have a desire to constantly change for the better.

Hobby. Take an interesting pastime for the evening, do not forget to take into account his interests, perhaps he will not like watching home TV shows, but playing billiards or a wine tasting circle can become his favorite pastime.

Of course, it is not always possible to avoid quarrels and conflicts. Even in quiet family relationships, there are sometimes quarrels, according to scientists, quarrels help strengthen family ties. Let's analyze now how to put up correctly:

Time. You should not immediately after a quarrel run to apologize and put up, give time to calm down for yourself and your man, otherwise it may develop into a new quarrel.

Don't be arrogant. Take the initiative of reconciliation into your own hands, after a while approach him, try to analyze the situation, do not try to reproach him in something, listen to his arguments. Try to put yourself in his place, it is advisable to be affectionate and gentle with him at this time and translate everything into a comic form. Affectionate hugs will not always be able to make amends for someone's fault, just learn to distinguish between a petty squabble and a major quarrel.

Original with love. Try to make up in a different way, cook a romantic dinner or make an original apology card, and sexy underwear can also help. But you should not immediately after a major quarrel run to change clothes and pester him. It is necessary to wait for the moment when he, too, will be ready to put up.

And finally, there is one old and tried-and-true advice, you should not be silent and hide that you do not like its nature. Choose the right time and place, when he is in a good mood, and discuss all the differences and characteristics of each of you. If he loves you, then he will want and try to improve for the better ... for your sake!