The passion of the wife for her husband. How to bring passion back into a husband-wife relationship. Practice sex in unusual places

22.04.2019

Tatiana Kulinich

"Love Lives for 3 Years" - a book with such a pessimistic title has become one of the world's bestsellers. Whether it is true or not - one can argue, but, nevertheless, every couple sooner or later faces a chill in the relationship. And above all, this applies to intimate life. The first fuse of love passes, the partners have already sufficiently studied each other's tastes and habits, and sex becomes like a household routine. Someone decides to come to terms with this, as inevitably, someone breaks off relations in order to find a new love for the next three years. However, sexologists say both of these decisions are wrong. But is it possible to fall in love with a long-familiar person again? Or are there other ways to bring passion back into a relationship?

The secret to a successful relationship

According to psychologists, in this matter, people often confuse cause and effect. Not cooling is the cause of discord in a couple, but on the contrary, growing, like a lump, misunderstandings, unwillingness of partners to work on relationships and leads to sexual problems. Sex can be called one of the "litmus" of relationships. If something starts to go wrong in bed, it always means that the couple has psychological problems.

As sexologists say, the secret of long-term relationships is the right balance between similarity and difference, closeness and distance between lovers. Let us clarify this idea. In order to build a family with a person, we must consider him family, have common interests, trust, share joy and sorrow, in a word, maintain closeness. But, as each of us knows from our own experience, sexual attraction works according to completely different laws. It is the dissimilarity of the partner, his mysteriousness that turns us on. There is some truth in the well-known expression “the less we love a woman, the more she likes us”. Likewise, men appreciate in ladies the inviting inaccessibility on the verge of playfulness. That is, for the occurrence of sexual arousal, a certain psychological distance between partners is important.

In healthy relationships, she is present in one way or another. A man and a woman have their own social circle, work, interests. When people do not stand still and constantly strive for development, they can be interesting to each other for a very long time, and possibly their entire life.

But, unfortunately, not all couples know how to maintain this balance between closeness and distance. In some families, it is not customary to discuss with each other their affairs, interests, tastes; partners do not have common hobbies. They perceive each other as roommates sharing household chores, and lovers who share the same bed. And if such a situation can suit a man for a long time, then the psychological climate in the family is very important for a woman for sexual liberation. She finds it difficult to experience sexual desire without trust and emotional closeness.

At the other extreme, a man and a woman merge so much with each other that they begin to resemble blood relatives, not lovers. They have everything in common: budget, tastes, acquaintances, even a page on a social network. Since people are not born the same, in such cases usually one of the partners completely sacrifices his personal life (career, hobbies) for the other. And it is not surprising that over time, one or both partners in such a pair lose interest in sex. After all, few people are interested in making love with their twin. Of course, there are other reasons for sexual cooling, for example, physical or mental illness of one of the partners, an unfavorable environment in the house where young people live with their parents, etc. But, as a rule, it all boils down to one of the above outlined extremes: either the partners are too far from each other or too close.

How to rekindle an extinguished fire of passion?

On this topic in women's magazines and networks, you can find a lot of advice, especially for the fair sex. This is a change of image, and the purchase of new sexy lingerie and the like. Such steps can indeed be effective, but it is important to understand that without dealing with the cause of the problem, they cannot fundamentally change the situation.

For couples whose main reason for losing sexual interest in each other is emotional alienation, various psychological trainings can be recommended to gain mutual understanding. Any independent attempts to find new points of contact in order to see the partner from a different side will also be a good method to establish it. After all, cooling often begins precisely with the feeling that people have already learned everything about each other, they have nothing more to surprise the other with and nothing to wait for. However, this is a huge mistake, and with the right mutual attitude, they can open up many unfamiliar sides in the second half. To do this, psychologists recommend that you try yourself together in mastering a new hobby, or at least go on a joint journey. Sexual role-playing games can also be useful, especially those where partners seem to get to know each other again, coming up with new names and life stories. But the main thing in this is to take the new role of a partner as seriously as possible, even if it seems ridiculous to you how your husband, whom you have called a fool in your hearts more than once, can play a self-confident macho.

Another strategy will be helpful for those couples whose sex life is suffering from the opposite problem, the so-called psychological clumping. In this case, the partners individually need to work on what psychology calls personal identity. It means trying to see yourself not only as part of your family, your husband's wife or mother of children, but also as a unique person with your own interests. Try yourself in new roles, work on professional and personal development, but, most importantly, learn to do it for yourself, not for your partner. In this case, he will be able to see in you the very mystery that arouses sexual desire, as psychologists say.

Finally, I would like to quote the brilliant words of the famous philosopher Kahlil Gibran, which summarize this article in the best possible way:

“Love each other, but do not turn love into chains:
Better to let it be a rippling sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill cups to each other, but do not drink from the same cup.
Let each other taste our bread, but do not eat from one piece.
Sing, dance together and rejoice, but may each of you be alone,
like the strings of a lute are lonely, although the same music emanates from them. "

Tatiana Kulinich for https://junona.pro

It's almost summer outside the window, nature pleases with a riot of colors and smells, and it's time to plan a long-awaited vacation, romantic evening walks and recharge with summer positive, but for which year everything has been going smoothly in your relationship, no outbursts of emotions have been observed and you have long forgotten that then this very romance ... And are you ready to agree with this development of events? It's time to shake off the dust from your relationship, refresh your feelings and re-experience all the thrill of being in love.

Like many things in our life, romance and sensuality in a relationship is a matter of habit. And if you are used to living without them for so long, then now is the time to bring them back into your life and make them an important aspect in communicating with your partner. Indeed, at the very beginning you were so inspired, active, looking for adventure ... There is always an opportunity to repeat all this and bring to a new level not only relationships, but in general your whole life! The main thing is to act, and not wait for romance to knock on your door itself.

I have prepared 12 simple ways for you to help you enjoy each other's feelings and the fact that you are together. This is what makes our relationship with my husband constantly develop and at the same time always remain the most romantic, sincere and touching. Try it too ...

1. Travel the memories together.

At a time when the two of you and nothing distracts you - take a joint journey through the nooks and crannies of your story. What did you think of each other before the first date? Who liked who first? Who was the most nervous at first and who was the first to dare to utter the main words? Take care of these memories so that they do not lose their emotionality and are not erased from memory. After all, remembering how it all began, you will always experience the same quivering and pure feelings, and they will never lose their value.

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2. Talk about what you love most about each other.

Is this how you snuggle against his chest while you sleep? Is this the way he kisses you while you're in line? Or maybe this is how you ruffle your bangs when you are nervous? Or is it how he covers you with another blanket because he knows that you are always cold? You always feel butterflies in your stomach when your partner does something that just makes you smile - so tell him so! Let him know that it makes you happy. He will feel appreciated and will be pleased with himself when he does it again.

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3. Add extreme.

Any relationship after some time becomes monotonous, comfortable and mundane. And after a week at work, you both dream only of watching another movie, lying under a warm blanket - there is no longer any desire to pack up and go to visit, to dinner at a restaurant or even just for a walk. It's convenient to be lazy :) But now is the time to change the pace of life. Make a list of the exciting and even crazy things you both want to do - skydiving, jet skiing, hiking, etc. Join hands and hold each other tight when you decide to paint your everyday life. Doing something exciting and extreme together will bring you even closer.

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4. Have a “first” date.

Now you are dressing simply and comfortably, discussing neighbors, raising children and thinking about renovating the kitchen? Enough! Feel the thrill of your first dates. Plan a date and treat the date as if it were your second week of dating. You want to impress each other. You want it to be fun and romantic. Organize something really special. Get ready, dress up and admire each other for your attractiveness. Be flirty and get to know each other again - you are on a date!

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5. Start really dating each other again.

Don't treat dating as a one-off event - make it an integral part of your relationship. People often worry about their relationship becoming stale and cliché, but dating is an easy way to keep emotions from fading. Never stop trying to impress each other. Never stop trying to get to know each other better. Never stop getting better. Never stop trying to fall in love with each other even more. Plan each date in advance - what you will do, what you will wear, where you will go. Let this anxious expectation become one of the pillars of your relationship.

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6. Flirt.

Be mysterious. Be seductive. Be playful. Say things that remind each of you that you are sexy and attractive to each other. It happens that partners complain that they have cooled to each other, but forget that they did nothing to prevent this.

Flirting sets the mood for the whole day. Does he leave for work earlier than you? Send him a couple of tempting photos while you dress so he can help you choose what to wear. Or did you both get stuck in your cars on the way home? Send each other messages and tell each other exactly what you will do with each other as soon as you get home ...

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7. Always try to look good.

As a follow-up to the previous point on flirting, be mindful of your appearance. Don't let yourself walk around the house in just sweatpants and a stretched T-shirt. Keep an eye on your makeup, tidy up your hair and get the most seductive shorts in which you feel irresistible out of the closet (or buy new ones). Keep a burning desire to look good for each other. Despite the fact that you both still love each other without makeup and in sweatpants, you can both become even more attractive. Comfortable clothes can be seductive too! Leave the top button on your shirt unbuttoned for him to admire your neckline. And how good he is when he cooks dinner in this chic sweater that hugs his strong muscles!

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8. Be consistently affectionate.

Touch each other. When walking, hold hands or hug your waist. Kiss and hug each other casually. Physical contact triggers the very same chemical reactions in your brain that make you happy and strengthen your bond with each other. You will always feel emotionally close when you are physically close.

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9. Compliment every day.

When you started dating, you both complimented each other. He loved your lines at the corners of your eyes when you laughed. He loved to run his hand through your hair when he wanted to kiss you. Now he loves the way you seriously stand in front of the closet in the morning, choosing clothes. You love the way he dances in front of the stove when he makes scrambled eggs. You love that he knows exactly what week of the month he should come home with bags full of your favorite chocolates and cookies, and you both need to know what makes you love each other even more and that you both appreciate it. It is a mutual reinforcement of romantic feelings and emotions.

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10. Talk to each other.

Somewhere in the path of your relationship, the conversations between you have probably gone from "learning" to more trivial, formal, and less intimate. Make sure you are really talking to each other. Do you usually talk about mortgages, insurance renewals, and a birthday present for your aunt's cousin? Of course, this is important, but first hear and find out about each other's feelings. Even after 20 years together there will always be new things that you can discover in a partner.

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11. Kiss - unexpectedly and spontaneously.

Remember your anticipation and excitement before your first kiss? It's time to bring back this freshness of feelings! It can be difficult to find time between work, children and other responsibilities to be together. However, you can always bring "quick" kisses into your relationship.

Are the kids playing in another room? There are a couple of minutes to kiss each other while you wait for the pasta to boil. Can you hear the clatter of children's feet towards the kitchen? Boom - you have drifted apart and no one suspects anything. Heading to a party? It looks like you have 15 seconds until the door is opened for you and you appear in front of other guests. "Quick" and light kisses will keep your passion and your feelings for each other.

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12. Take time for yourself.

If you really want to give the relationship a "second wind", then right now, after reading this article, hug your loved one and complete step 2. Or call him and ask him out on a date. After all, knowledge alone about what to do is indispensable. As Stephen Covey said: “Love is a verb. So these are actions. " Yes, you know how much you love your partner - but does he know about it and does he feel it every day? And even if your feelings have dimmed a little over time under the influence of various deeds and obligations, you can always go in the opposite direction - and return them to their former brightness. And then passion will no longer need to be returned to your relationship, because it will forever become their integral part.

With love,

Olga Yakovleva

P.S. How do you ignite the spark in a relationship? What do you usually do to keep them from becoming a chore and bring joy to both of you? Share in the comments - maybe someone needs your advice right now.

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Passion in a relationship with a husband is a feeling that can incinerate everything around today, and abruptly disappear tomorrow. If this happened to you, you do not need to immediately file for divorce and go left. Everything can be fixed, and in today's article we will show you how to do it competently in just 10 steps. Here you will find detailed instructions and useful tips from the best psychologists that will help return the romance and attention of a man. You will also find out what mistakes women most often make.

Before you act, you need to make sure that. Our other article on the behavior of an indifferent person will help with this. Then, in order to return the light to the relationship, you need to put things in order in bed, learn to forget about failures, and take care of yourself. Read on for what exactly needs to be done.

Removing distractions

Computers, phones, televisions - all this distracts lovers from relationships and completely kills romance. Every day, a husband and wife return from work, but instead of talking and expressing emotions towards each other, they are immersed in the world of digital communication. Love does not tolerate neglect, and as soon as online communication becomes more important than real contacts with your husband, passion disappears almost irrevocably. So say no to your PC evening meeting.

Learning to surprise each other in bed and in life

It is very important to rekindle the fire, always approach the relationship as a creative process. You can surprise your beloved with gifts or sex games, decide on an unexpected act, for example, a couple's tattoo. The more imagination the partners show, the stronger their marriage will turn out to be in the end, but nevertheless, one should not cross the border of what is permissible.

Leaving all failures in the past

Even couples who have lived together for decades have relationship problems. That is why a man and a woman need to learn to cast aside the failures of a partner, not paying attention to them. Any quarrel is best to end in bed, and psychologists advise not to take offense at each other for more than 2-3 hours. In this case, any conflicts can be prevented without damage to personal life.

Talking to my husband "no" to problems

Passion is something ephemeral and very sensitive to external influences. If during sex a man thinks about conflicts at work, and a woman about cleaning, there is no need to talk about any resurrection of passion. Outside the bedroom, you need to leave all extraneous thoughts, surrendering to the power of your feelings, otherwise sex will turn into purely mechanical actions that do not bring any satisfaction.

We take care of ourselves

Here is another important detail of the resurrection of passion - surprise: a new set of underwear, a beautiful hairstyle, an interesting dress. Once a woman learns to be in the center of male attention, passion will return to the relationship. You should at least for a while forget about the dressing gown, show your beloved yourself in all its glory. Read about. It says about color, length, decor, style, and more. dr.

Do not forget about slight jealousy

With the help of jealousy, some couples manage to save a tired marriage. But here it is important not to overdo it: let the man know that his rivals are interested in his beloved, while he must be sure of the loyalty of his partner.

If loyalty is in doubt, scandals cannot be avoided. It is better to forget about this point when a man is hot-tempered and unable to control his emotions. Here it is written in more detail about. In this article you will find information about external transformations, about what can be done at a distance, with an ex-husband, if there is a child.

Letting go of complexes and prejudices

Passion in a relationship does not tolerate restrictions. That is why a woman needs to forget about her complexes, completely surrender herself to games in the bedroom, no matter how extravagant they may be. If partners are ashamed of each other, then passion quickly disappears from their daily life, giving way to everyday life. Various toys and images can be used to diversify your sex life.

Do you want to know all the secrets of seducing men? We advise you to look free video course Alexei Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women." You will receive a 12-step step-by-step plan on how to drive any man crazy and keep him attached for years to come.

The video course is free. To view, go to this page, leave your e-mail and a letter will be sent to the mail with a link to the video.

We organize a joint vacation filled with romance

When a relationship seems like a monotonous vicious circle, a vacation together can add a little bit of originality.

While sightseeing, you shouldn't forget about the warmth in a relationship, which can bring partners closer.

If possible, go to romantic cities - Paris, Vienna, Prague, dine at a restaurant on the Eiffel Tower, go to a symphony concert. If it's winter outside, here's a list. You will find out what will be interesting in Turkey, India and the Caribbean.

Spending time with a man without children

Another reason why passion disappears from a relationship is the couple's reorientation towards parenting. At least once a week, the husband and wife need to spend time together, sending the kids to their grandmothers or to various circles. This does not make them bad parents, but it helps them not to forget about themselves because of a heavy parenting duty. Left alone, you can watch your favorite movie or have a romantic dinner.

We forgive each other

Despite a lot of other reasons, it is because of elementary grievances that passion most often leaves a relationship. If spouses do not want to end their family life in divorce, they need to learn to forgive their partner even for major grievances. You can make a list of them and ask each other for forgiveness.

Mistakes That Can Kill Passion: Observations from Psychologists

Because passion fuels love, it can keep a marriage from falling apart prematurely. But there are mistakes that destroy feelings at the root, and here are just a few of them:

frivolity about the problems in marriage;
ignoring the desires and interests of the partner;
the desire to silence the problem or not raise it at all;
rejection of new things in relationships and in bed;
conservatism in terms of expressing one's feelings;
unwillingness to forgive a partner for mistakes.

There are many mistakes, but the main ones are the desire to surrender before the start of the battle and the lack of love for oneself.

If a person is sure in advance that his relationship is doomed, it will not work to save them from complete fading. You need to put maximum effort into your feelings every day, otherwise even the greatest love can end in an absurd and tragic way for partners. Knowledge can also help. What should be the relationship with your husband, friends, loved ones? In this article, all the details!

Use the advice of a personal growth coach and psychologist:

Protect passion, do not destroy feelings with quarrels and reproaches!

"I want you so badly!" - how long ago did your beloved husband say this to you with a passionate aspiration and a tremor in his voice? Not just "for the sake of a tick" to pay off your marital debt, but sincerely, with a desire to rip your clothes off in order to take possession of you? If you have been in a relationship for a long time, then for sure his ardent ardor has already disappeared. Yes, and you are no longer "sausage" from the momentary desire to have wild sex with him. Why is this happening, and how to get passion back in a relationship?

Where does passion go

Long-term family relationships do fail in "sex battles." If at first it was impossible to tear ourselves away from each other in bed, then over time this mad passion begins to fade. Orgasm is as pleasant as before, but the sparks are gone. Everyday life gets stuck, in the first place are issues related to family life, and not about diversity in sex.

Awakening passion becomes even more difficult because petty quarrels and misunderstandings between people interfere with tender relationships. Yes, and a worn robe does not cause sexual arousal, but rather, on the contrary, dislike, especially for male visuals who love with their eyes.

In the late 80s, a wonderful cartoon for adults "Log" was released. A visual aid for couples who have lost their passion in relationships. The wife-saw with an "abandoned" appearance, a bunch of children around her neck, everyday problems turned her husband into a log even in bed. And here is the cartoon itself:

If you recognize yourself as a cartoon "saw" from the video, then you will not be able to resume the past very quickly. Step by step, you will have to return a warm relationship with your beloved man. Love is what you forgot about, and for its return, return mentally to the time when your family life was just beginning, and see what is happening now:

You did not expect any special surprises from your lover, since there are few romantic men. You somehow invented these surprises yourself. And now you demand a lot from him, you also accuse him, they say - "you are not a man."

You loved to pamper him with delicious dishes, rejoicing how he praises you. And now in his plate for dinner is something incomprehensible tyap-blooper hastily - with your reference to fatigue.

You understood him and listened carefully. And now you criticize any of his ideas, without even listening to him to the end. Yes, and your interests have disintegrated.

You took pity on him, saving him from women's responsibilities around the house, and praised him even for the nailed shelf. And now you put in front of a pile of dirty dishes and make fun of him for the same shelf that is crookedly hung.

You tried to be beautiful always, especially in front of him. And now he sees you beautiful only on holidays.

You were sweet and affectionate like a cat. Now you're slowly turning into a shrew.

But let's not blame him on his shortcomings now - you are reading this article now, not he. You, as a wise woman, need to return passion in a relationship. It is clear that he is not without sin, but you have to start with yourself. And not abruptly, so that tomorrow - but gradually. Everyday life also has a place to be. Yes, and sharp metamorphoses are more likely to frighten and alert your beloved man than please. Therefore, little by little return to your starting point in family relationships.

Again, I want to return to the cartoon. Do you remember what this wife tried to "seduce" her log husband? A creepy body with sagging breasts, which are visible from under a shapeless nightie. This should not be allowed. Before you go to bed with supposed sex, you should look your best! Yes, even if sex is not supposed, all the same, you should always be desirable for your husband and smell delicious. There is such an anecdote:

The Lion and the Bull drink whiskey and play cards. The bull's wife is calling on her cell phone. He sends her obscenely and turns off the phone. Leo's wife is calling her husband. He replies: "Yes, dear, I'm going now!" and begins to collect. Bull him: "Why are you, like a rag, I sent mine like a man and okay!" To which the lion replies: “The fact is that you have a wife - who, a cow? Here! And I have a lioness! "
Folk joke

So, you also need to be a lioness, not a cow, so as not to be surprised later - where the former passion has disappeared. But even if you are inclined to be overweight, then here too you need to skillfully “distribute” your body to the size of a “delicious treat”: remove at least a belly swollen from sweets, the hourglass figure is not bad even for fatties. By the way, many men really prefer crumpets. Only neat and fit donuts, not flabby elephants.

By the way, if you are skinny, close to anorexia, then do not think that you look sexier than a bbw. Female "skeletons" for men look just as repulsive. Revive your love of cake and forget about dieting.

If your weight does not bother you and everything is fine with this, then having established a tender relationship with your husband during the day, you should not relax at night. But what about - you need to save the marriage and return true love. Therefore, there is no need to sink to the state of Fiona: "Pretty woman in the daytime - freak at night." Here are some small, simple tips:

A body washed before going to bed and brushed teeth are the most important thing. Well, and, of course, depilation, manicure, pedicure - everything is easy, and you can do it yourself at home without spending money on specialists.

All the shapeless nightgowns and comfortable, but stupid pajamas into the firebox. Only lace and silk are really sexy. Don't skimp on good nightwear - you'd better save on trinkets, but buy yourself the most beautiful things for your bed.

Pleasant metamorphosis in relationships

The relationship with time is fine, your body is beautiful, the outfits are bought. It remains only to keep the brand further: both alone with a loved one, and in communication with others. What should happen:

The people around you will see how you have changed. Be sure - there will be no end of compliments. This only plays into your hands: the husband will be proud of you and a little jealous in his soul. He will also look at you with different eyes.

Having decided that he should be worthy of you, the husband will also want to keep the brand. And then you will also see that it will begin to change for the better. Over time, you will be passionately drawn to each other, as in previous years.

Do not deny closeness to your husband, if there are no serious compelling reasons, for example, for health. There is such an ancient and stupid excuse “my head hurts” - but really just “I don’t want to”. After a few rejections, the passion will die out and you have to start all over again.

Well, if you took into account all the advice and will act that way, then I would like to wish you only happiness. And then your Leo will quickly go home on the first call, leaving the table with the Bulls sitting behind him, because his sexy affectionate Lioness is waiting at home.

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the super ability to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: she looked at a man - and immediately you know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article right now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you will not read other people's thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her method helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If you're interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 places specifically for visitors to our site.

French writer Frederic Beigbeder claims that love lives for three years. This point of view may seem quite cynical, but, oddly enough, psychologists and sexologists are of the same opinion. The fact is that after three years psychological addiction sets in, and hormones, which until recently caused a feeling of passion and sexual desire, are produced in smaller quantities than at the very beginning of the relationship. You can build numerous guesses about the reasons for this annoying phenomenon, but the fact remains: sooner or later a spark leaves sex and it turns into the same routine as cleaning or going to the store.

This causes disappointment in both spouses and even the thought that love has left the relationship. But this is not so: the fact is that passions cannot boil forever, and love gradually begins to reach new levels, develops and becomes deeper. But does this mean that it is worth giving up a rich sex life and being content with spiritual kinship and a well-established life? Not at all. Sex can be good not only for the first three years of family life, you just have to approach it more consciously and not be afraid to experiment.

How to bring passion back to a husband-wife relationship

If novelty is the main condition for passion, then you should not be afraid to bring something new into your sexual relationship. Today there is a huge selection of sex toys, outfits and various devices that can give new sensations and diversify erotic experiences.

Another way to bring passion back into a husband-wife relationship is through a change of scenery. Many spouses say that sex becomes completely different in a new place. Why not try renting a hotel room, spending a weekend in a rented cottage, or even having sex in a tent on a short hike?

New ideas can be gleaned from films for adults, which, unfortunately, many people are very afraid to watch because of their own shyness or the stereotypes existing in the mind that watching such a movie is a dirty, unworthy occupation. In fact, porn films help to liberate oneself and, perhaps, find new ideas that can be brought to a relationship with your other half.

Do not be afraid to talk to each other about your desires and look for a solution to the problem together. If you let things take their course, then sooner or later this can lead to rather sad consequences. When there is no misunderstanding between spouses and they are not afraid to raise sexual topics in conversations, they easily manage to find a solution to all problems, and sex will bring joy throughout family life.