Is there love? True love: signs and features of building a healthy relationship What is love in reality

30.10.2019

All humans are created with a wonderful opportunity to express feelings. This is the main difference between man and other creatures under the sun. The fact that we have a heart is not just that, because at one moment in life we \u200b\u200bgive it to someone else. This is the meaning of communicating with your own kind - to give love to others.

Today, the concept of love has become so distorted and sometimes it is hard to believe that a person can experience such gentle and pure feelings. Willy-nilly, the question arises in the mind: is love between a man and a woman possible now?

What is love?

Can you somehow characterize this concept? Yes, love is a deep feeling of attachment from one person to another. This is when there is always only one image in front of you, and there is no place in the heart for anyone else. Of course, we are talking about romantic feelings - this is love in a relationship between a man and a woman.

Many people tend to confuse the two concepts - love and love. There is also something in common between them, these are romantic feelings, but the basis for these feelings is different. Falling in love is something superficial, a person pays attention to the fact that the first thing catches the eye, and this is appearance. A person in love is inclined to see only advantages and turns a blind eye to disadvantages. In other words, this condition is called “pink glasses”.

Falling in love is as short-lived as a bouquet in a vase. Yes, he is very beautiful, but the time comes - and the flowers wither, and so does love. First, two people enjoy this feeling, and then time passes and it just disappears. Is there love between a man and a woman? There is. never passes, it is eternal!

What are the types of love

A feeling like love is not based on romance alone. It manifests itself in different areas of life. For example, there are several:

romantic;
friendly;
related;
the one that we show to all people, that is, superficial.

Since we are all people and are absolutely equal in our rights, we have a duty to treat our own kind with due respect. That is, to show that very love. Do with people the way you want them to do with you - this is If you follow it, you can protect yourself from many problems.

Most people have tender feelings for their loved ones, such as parents, children, sisters, and brothers. It is quite normal when we worry about our loved ones and wish them the best. Worse, when no one does this, here inhumanity is already manifested.

Friendship is the most sublime feeling, because it is with friendship that true love begins. It is based on trust and empathy. A true friend loves at all times, he can understand you better than you yourself. This is the one to whom you can pour out your heart at any time. And there is no need to constantly remind about the secrecy of the information told.

Such a relationship must be appreciated, because it is the support that you can rely on throughout your life. It is incredible happiness to have a real devoted friend. Friendship must be cherished and maintained. Don't just expect something, you have to give!

Is there love between a man and a woman?

A little about romantic love. It is especially noticeable when you look at happy newlyweds. At this point, there is no doubt that they love each other. But time will pass, whether it will remain as before, it will become even stronger or will fade away altogether. There is no answer to this question, you just have to wait. Is there real love between a man and a woman?

Such love, of course, exists, but it can be seen so rarely that sometimes you just start to doubt. Whether a simple love grows into a strong and strong feeling depends on both the woman and the man. The family can be compared to a team, where victory depends on the efforts of all its members. So in relationships: if a husband and wife make efforts to strengthen their marriage, victory will remain with them.

How to develop real feeling

Simple sympathy can develop into love between a man and a woman. The arguments confirm the fact that at one moment feelings can flare up, and they can no longer be stopped. So sometimes love comes without asking permission. But everything remains in the hands of two people, if they want feelings to develop, then they open their heart, but if not, they keep it shut.

The main thing is to clearly understand that love does not appear in a short period of time. This feeling develops over the years, it must endure all trials and withstand. Appearance does not play a big role in this issue, today it is, and tomorrow it is not. What is important is what is in the heart of a person, his inner world - joys and experiences.

You need to love for something specific, and not just for pretty eyes. A man should be attracted by his qualities, goals and desire - this is love between a man and a woman. Sex is just an addition to everything else, a gift that married couples enjoy.

Can feelings disappear?

No matter how you admit, over time, even the strongest feelings can disappear. The main reason for divorce is the loss of love. This is not to say that in such a situation someone is to blame, no. Most likely, the two spouses did not try to save their marriage.

Many worries and other problems that are shared by loved ones. After all, after a solemn oath, life is just beginning. This is not a happy ending that each ends with, but only the beginning of a difficult, but no less happy family life.

A few steps to help strengthen your love

It is necessary to constantly strengthen love. After all, if you do not throw wood into the fire, the fire will quickly go out. Likewise, love needs tender expressions. These are not necessarily expensive gifts or it is enough just to be around, to share all the sorrows and joys for two.

Small expressions of affection will always come in handy. A small flower or a confession note can make a person happy a hundred times more than something grandiose. Just a little is needed, and this is attention and a strong shoulder nearby. A person must be sure that he is not indifferent and that they are interested in his life.

Love between a man and a woman in literature

Love is such a sublime feeling that wherever we only hear about it. Various TV shows, TV series and films, books - everywhere they tell about warm and tender feelings. Love is also the main theme of literature. After all, if there was no love, then there would be no lyrics.

Someone might argue, saying that poetry kills love, but it is not: it, on the contrary, nourishes it. Beautiful poems-confessions have won more than one woman's heart. After all, not everyone is so brave that they can confess their feelings face to face, someone prefers to do it in a lyrical form. Beautiful love between a man and a woman is sung in poetry and prose. For comparison, we can take such famous works as “Romeo and Juliet” by William Shakespeare and “Eugene Onegin” by Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin.

People experienced deep feelings at all times, someone suffered, and someone simply loved. Therefore, even now we have a lot of evidence that love between a man and a woman exists. Bitter and happy examples that you can just learn from.

The secret of true love

If a person only expects to receive love from someone, and he himself does not show it, then he will never be happy. Because this feeling works only with mutual affection. To love means to sacrifice your own interests for the sake of someone.

Showing feelings is not just talking about them at the top of your voice, because sometimes words mean nothing. It is important to act accordingly so that the other person can be sure of the sincerity of those words. True love can be tested with time - if it exists, it will never fade away.

Love, of course, exists. Only everyone understands in different ways what love is.

And yet - love is different:

Love for parents
love for a teacher who becomes a mentor and advisor for a person in the main issues of life;
and finally, love to his.

With the first three points, I think everything is clear.

Only love for the opposite sex - is it love? Or is it just a habit or an attachment?

The question is ambiguous, as well as the answer to this question. Every couple, every love story is different.

Someone, at the beginning of a relationship, "drowns", blinded by love, forgets about everything in the world, soars in the clouds, seeing nothing in front of him, except for the object of his adoration;
Someone soberly builds relationships, weighing every step and every word, but never knowing love as such.

Another question arises here. Unclear, which of these two couples is happier : the one that at the beginning of the relationship is given over to outbursts of passion, or the one that acts "at the behest" of reason.

Love-match

Again, it is not a fact that the feelings that take hold in the first case are love. Rather, passion, and then, after some time, passions subside, life, children remain, common sense returns, and it's good if, in addition to feelings, there are also common points of intersection, common interests. Indeed, often a person is not aware of his actions, like a veil in front of his eyes, and when the eyes are "cleared", it is too late, and the couple either breaks up or remains to coexist with each other. There is no longer any question of love. They even have nothing to talk about. This is the truth of life. As a result, the search for happiness at another berth.

Sober choice marriage

The second couple, which I gave in the example, can get along well together. Measured relationships, planning children, respect for each other, affection - maybe sooner or later this will just become real love? In such a union, both a man and a woman cannot imagine their life without each other, they have something to talk about, they speak "the same language", which cannot be said about the couple from the first example.

The topic voiced in the question can be developed for a very long time. Love in my understanding - this is when you see a person, no matter how much time has passed since the beginning of the relationship - the heart begins to beat quiveringly, there is a kind of surge of emotions. With this person I want to spend all my free time, not leaving him for a moment. Honestly, I have never met such couples in my environment who, after 10-20-30 years of marriage, experience such feelings towards each other. At the same time, I do not deny the existence of love, of course, it exists, but not everyone succeeds in finding it.

In the life of every person there is a time when he thinks: is there really love? Someone's confidence in the existence of love is unshakable, and someone confidently says that this is fiction, and love as such does not exist. For some, this phenomenon remains mysterious. There is love and falling in love, and you should understand the concepts in order to avoid mistakes and not ruin your own life. Many believe that a person who has experienced both of these feelings can be called happy.

Awl and soap

What is falling in love? On your way there is a person from whom you lost your head. Butterflies fly in the stomach, you are embarrassed to even speak. As if the world was different, you became a different person. And how hard it is when there is no loved one nearby! You want to be with your chosen one all the time. Even the attitude towards oneself becomes different. You want to grab attention with all your might, no matter what the cost. According to psychologists, it is possible to maintain the feeling of falling in love for a long time if the lovers rarely see each other, do not know each other enough. Falling in love can be compared to a hurricane of emotions that provides a feeling of euphoria. Life for a man in love fell apart into before and after the meeting. In such a situation, it is important to learn how to manage your emotions in order to avoid stupidity under the influence of hormones and vivid feelings.

What is love? It differs significantly from falling in love. The person we love will be surrounded by affection and care. With him all the time you want to be near, separation is just a moral torture. Here you can already act quite logically, feelings are rarely stronger than reason. A loving person is kind not only to a loved one, but also to others. People who have known love have a different attitude to the feelings of other people, they know how to respect, sympathize. Love is often projected onto the surrounding world, a person wants to give a wonderful mood to everyone. Love is often the result of sufficient work on oneself and on a partner, this is the desire to change one's own personality for the sake of someone and learn to live in peace, mutual understanding. It will take long and persistent work to preserve love.

Learning to manage your emotional state

How is love different from falling in love? People do not get tired of being interested in terminology and scientific psychological discoveries. They are grounded in theory, but weak in practice. Many have notions that love and falling in love are different, but few can answer unequivocally how they differ. Love from falling in love is a different stage of a relationship. You cannot fall in love immediately without experiencing falling in love. When you meet someone who is deeply sympathetic, there is a hormonal explosion first. The brain reacts quickly, everything seems unknown. Often, falling in love is supported by the realization that the new person is mysterious, the body is not known, thoughts and actions are not clear.

After falling in love, there can be a period of love, but often this is not. You simply enjoy the company of a certain person, enjoy sexual relations and communication, and then realize that there is no future. If people fit together, then after falling in love, love will arise, and they realize that they are simply destined to be together.

What mistakes are there if you mistake love for falling in love? You can make mistakes in your actions. For example, getting married or marrying a person at an emotional peak. It seems that such violent sex will be daily, and the person will always be interested. Falling in love passes after a while, and then love does not always come. A lot of people, during an exacerbation of feelings, renounce their friends, parents, time is completely devoted to the chosen one. Often, the love of men is used by women, receiving various kinds of benefits and persuading them to marry. For a man, sex is unambiguously important, during the period of falling in love, feelings, sensations, emotions increase several times, so men can be controlled without much difficulty.

Don't get hung up

So is there really love? This question is philosophical. Everyone has their own opinion, many people change it with age. Sometimes it seems that this is love, but in fact it turns out that falling in love, leaving behind only pleasant memories.

There are people who have not experienced love in their entire lives. Falling in love is familiar to a considerable number of people. Those who have experienced love are sure that such an inspiring feeling exists. It cannot be confused with anything. Those who do not know what love is, say that it does not exist. So it is impossible to unequivocally answer whether there really is love. Psychologists have proven the existence of a connection between people at the physical, emotional, chemical level. Love is the ability to turn falling in love into trust, mutual understanding, and loyalty.

Love, according to psychology, has no clear definition. The most common interpretations of the term are: the state of being inspired, the desire to give joy, the need to feel loved. The concept of "true love" refers to all of these states and is built on the basic concepts of intimacy, passion and commitment. But before experiencing true love, a couple goes through 7 stages that help not to confuse love with falling in love.

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What is true love

True love is love that did not arise suddenly. It is a deeply formed feeling that emerged as the relationship developed. According to the works of the American psychologist Robert Sternberg, true love is based on 3 components:

proximity;
passion;
commitment.

To get to the listed feelings in relation to another person, it takes time, during which you need to learn the other half even more. Relationships develop in accordance with the following stages:

1. Love. Everyday life and real problems force lovers to move from a feeling of euphoria to the next step.
2. Satiation. At the stage of coexistence (when they are already fed up with feelings, hormones have receded), people either diverge or develop relationships further.
3. Rejection. Each of the partners becomes selfish, trying to pull the blanket over himself.
4. Tolerance. The stage of resignation to the partner's shortcomings begins, the acceptance of personality and the discovery of new traits of his / her character.
5. Service. A person taught by experience begins to show wisdom, since he has already managed to study all the positive and negative qualities of a partner. At this stage, everyone tries to support each other.
6. Friendship. The look at the second half is completely new, the acceptance of a partner as a close one, the second period of falling in love begins.
7. Love. Perception of another person as himself, the absence of cunning tricks, mercantile thoughts.

How to prove to a girl that you love her

How does the feeling manifest

According to psychologist E. A. Borodaenko, the words "Love to the grave, feelings for life" are statements of people in codependent relationships. This is not a sign of true love. Deep feeling implies deeds and actions.

How true love manifests itself in actions and actions:

Give gifts.
Putting the interests of others above your own.
Feel safety next to a person, stability in feelings.
Learn to forgive.
To become better.
Be able to be silent and understand without words.
Act as one team.
Giving in a relationship is more than receiving.
Help the other half.
Letting go of spending free time without caring about your own person.

Love at first sight

Is there real love

There is no ideal relationship between a guy and a girl, a man and a woman. The word "perfect" does not apply to people, as everyone has flaws. Therefore, you need to learn to accept and understand each other.

Does love really exist:

1. On the internet. Nowadays, people often fall in love on the Internet, which is more of a deception. People often impersonate others. "Love on the Internet" is an interest in a person, an inaccessibility of an object, which makes it even more desirable. It has nothing to do with real feeling.
2. At first sight. There are couples who claim that they managed to fall in love at first sight. But this is just falling in love. If people know each other a little longer, then they have a better chance of true love.
3. In childhood. An unformed personality does not understand himself, those around him, and therefore does not experience true love. At 16, 14 or even 12 years old it is necessary to tell the child how to recognize the real feeling.

You need to work on relationships, experience a strong desire to create a family, strong and long-term relationships. If two are willing, then everything will work out.

Why does love live for 3 years

How not to be confused with falling in love

True love must go through all 7 stages. This is a lot of relationship work. A warm feeling or attraction to someone is common love.

A couple of tips on how not to confuse a sincere, selfless feeling with falling in love:

1. Passion.Love is not always sexually oriented, unlike falling in love.
2. Time. Feelings develop at different rates: you can start to love in months or years, but you can fall in love at first sight.
3. Selfishness. Feelings in love are directed towards the comfort of the other person.
4. Self-sacrifice. The lover will not show dedication.
5. Depth. Falling in love goes away faster, and love lasts for a longer time.
6. Conventionality. A deep feeling is to perceive a person as a whole, and falling in love presupposes the emergence of a feeling of sympathy for something (character quality, appearance, etc.).
7. Manifestation.Various actions show an attitude towards the second half: breakfast in bed, caring during an illness, etc.
8. Adoption.The person who is in love sees only the positive sides of the character, and the one who loves knows the negative qualities and accepts them.

We are all looking for love. And entering into a relationship with a person, experiencing some strong feelings towards him, we think that we love. If this relationship often hurts us, we get the idea that love is torture, almost a disease.

Indeed, your relationship may be sick. Only, most likely, their correct name is not “love”, but “dependence”.

Manifestation of addiction in relationships

Addiction in a relationship is a constant concentration of thoughts on a "loved" person and dependence on this person. Relationships of dependence largely determine the emotional, physical state of a person, his working capacity and relationships with other people. That is, in fact, the whole life of a dependent person is determined by these relationships. And this relationship does not affect life in the best way. They make a person more unhappy than happy.

But, not being completely happy alone, it was with these relationships that a person connected his hope for happiness! He hoped that all his mental suffering, self-doubt, all his complexes would be healed with love. And at first, it may have seemed like it happened. But this feeling did not last long. Conflicts, misunderstandings, dissatisfaction with the object of "love" and oneself began. Without noticing that, a person suffers even more than he suffered in loneliness, and there is an inevitable separation and a new great pain ahead ...

Why does this happen to a certain person, and history repeats itself in each new relationship?

This is because this person at this stage of his life is addicted.

They met at school, in high school, dreamed of getting married. After school they began to live in a "civil marriage". He became everything to her. She loved to draw and did it well, she wanted to be a designer. But she didn't go anywhere - she needed to concentrate and prepare, and that would distract her from him. After all, he is the main thing in her life, He is the goal and meaning of her life, she lives for him. I went to work - after all, they both had to live on something. He entered a prestigious university. So they lived for seven years - she worked, he studied at a university, then somewhere else. She took care of him, provided him with the greatest possible comfort, and in this she saw the meaning of her life. He learned, found a good, high-paying job, and quit a month later. For her, it was like a bolt from the blue - after all, everything was so good! Then there was a suicide attempt, unsuccessful. She was saved. After being discharged from the hospital, life became gray, unnecessary, useless - after all, he was not in it. Everything ended well, but not immediately. It was a long journey, but after losing it, she eventually found faith and herself ...

The essence of the relationship of dependence is that the dependent person feels inferior, he needs to fill himself with the Other, for him it is a matter of life and death. He is ready to endure any attitude towards himself, just not to be rejected, just not to be left alone. Love in a dependent relationship is a way to compensate for one's own inadequacy, and a spouse is an object that is designed to complement this insufficiency to a holistic self.

“I don’t feel like I’m living when I’m not in love with him (her).”

"I don't feel like a complete person without him (her)." This is what addicts say.

But this method never reaches the goal, because it cannot achieve it in principle. Dependent relationships are different unsaturation... The task of filling oneself with the help of another person is impossible, because internal integrity, usefulness can be achieved only as a result of the development of intrapersonal resources, as a result of the development of personal connection with God. Placing another person in the place of God and serving him to the point of self-forgetfulness does not relieve one’s own insufficiency. No wonder the Bible says: “ Do not make yourself an idol"... Dependency is giving up on yourself and on God.

In such relations, the psychological territory of one person is absorbed by the psychological territory of another, loses its sovereignty. A person does not live his own life, but the life of a “loved one”. At the same time, there is almost no space for the free development of the personality.

But the incessant and obligatory development of the personality is a person's duty. God gives a person unique abilities that distinguish him from all other subjects and, with their development, create a "symphony": an integral, high society of people who complement each other. Developing in oneself and using these abilities correctly - talents - is a person's duty to God, to oneself and to those close to him.

Addicts often say: "I live only for him", "I did everything for him." At the same time, they do not understand that the other does not need such a sacrifice, it does not satisfy his spiritual need, since this is not caused by love, but by the desire to be loved (loved).

In a dependent relationship, there is no real closeness of spouses, there is no real trust. At the same time, relationships can be very emotionally saturated, which can be mistaken for love: "Jealous means love." In dependent relationships, people use each other to satisfy their unconscious needs, acting out the distortions of their soul. But these needs remain unmet. As a rule, addictive relationships develop according to several scenarios.

1. Renunciation of one's own sovereignty and dissolution of one's psychological territory in the territory of a partner. A person fully lives by the interests of a partner - "I exist in order to fulfill his (her) desires." The partner is also fully transferred responsibility for his life. Together with her, a person refuses his desires, goals, aspirations. In this case, “beloved” plays the role of a parent.

2. Absorption of the partner's psychological territory, deprivation of his sovereignty. In this case, the role of the parent is played by the seeker of love himself. He guides the partner and controls him in the same way as they do in relation to a child. It is based on “good” motives - “he (she) will not cope without me, he (she) will not survive without me, I know how it should be, I live for him (her)”. Responsibility for the life of the "loved one" is fully assumed.

3. Absolute possession and destruction of the psychological territory of the object of love. Complete power over your partner as a thing makes you feel strong and significant. Responsibility for the life of a partner is declared, but not implemented - the partner is only used. It tests their own ability to rule, control, manage not only actions, but also feelings.

4. Reflection in the "beloved". A partner is chosen who will show all the time that I am an extraordinary person. He should admire me, express his love for me, strive to satisfy all my desires, every day to seek my favor. He must prove that I am better than others and worthy of love. If a partner has ceased to serve as a "mirror", another partner is sought.

In all these models, there is no place for true intimacy, responsibility, love.

Causes of emotional addiction.

Let us now deal with the causes of emotional dependence.

They are rooted in deep childhood. When a child is born, he is in a relationship of dependence with the mother. Nature has provided for a symbiotic relationship between mother and child, in which they do not feel separate from each other. It is a gift from nature to guarantee the baby the care he needs, a sense of protection and trust. This stage lasts up to about 9 months, until the baby begins to crawl and stand on his feet. The most important task of the period of dependence between mother and child is the establishment of an emotional connection, which serves as the basis for the child to trust in the world and its development. Children who have fully lived this stage, had a good emotional connection with their parents, received a sufficient amount of love and care, are not afraid to explore the world, easily approach other people, are receptive and open to learning.

If at this stage of development there was some kind of failure, for example, the mother was detached, there was a tense situation in the family, they were waiting for a boy, but a girl was born, etc., and a close emotional connection between the mother and the child was not established, the child did not there will be a feeling of security. Such children are afraid of the world around them and changes. They approach other people shyly and cautiously, making it difficult for them to explore the unknown. Such children seem to be "attached" to their parents. Lack of love, attention and care makes them vulnerable and "glued" to their parents, and in the future dependent on other people.

The more fully the child unites with his mother and father during the first days and months of life, the easier it is then for him and his parents to successfully carry out the separation process. And this process is necessary for the development of a full-fledged personality. This is the next stage of a child's development.

During the next developmental period, which peaks at 18-36 months, the main developmental task is separation. The child has an incentive to explore the world and to separate (“I want to do this myself"). At this stage, the child needs to hear “yes” twice as often as “no”. The environment must be accessible for exploration and safe. The parent must be close, physically and emotionally present, provide safety and support, but not limit the exploratory impulse. The child needs to feel that he myself something that he is valuable and important to his parents, and the fruits of his activities are also important and valuable. It is important for the child to feel that even if the parent is not around now, he is still loved and the parent will return. All these conditions are necessary so that later, in adulthood, a person feels complete, respects himself and others, knows how to enter into deep emotional contact with other people, and be active and responsible in life.

If the development went differently, the psychological birth of the child will not occur. He will "get bogged down" in a dependent relationship with his parents (more often with his mother), he will experience heightened anxiety, the world will be terrible for him, the research impulse will be reduced. It will be difficult for him to build warm relations with people, everything will be poisoned with fear and mistrust. In an adult state, he will become stronger in the thought that not everything is all right with him. He will not feel like a separate person, able to take care of himself, responsible for his actions. The relationship into which such a person will enter will be more or less dependent, i.e. not free. They will be coercive, necessary for survival, motivated by fear of life.

At this stage, development does not end, and a person during the growth period goes through other stages of development, during which early damage can be healed. But if there is no cure, then the adult will enter into dependent relationships with other people.

If a person's need to receive love and care was not satisfied in childhood, then there was no psychological separation from parents. Relationships with parents can be negative, can be emotionally detached, can be too dependent - all these are signs of inseparability. An unseparated person with an unmet need for love and acceptance will “stick” to relationships with other people. The basis of dependent relationships is fear of life, self-doubt, a sense of their own inferiority, increased anxiety. The search for love will be an obsessive need, a condition for survival. The anxiety and instability that a person will experience due to the continuous internal conflict between the need to receive love and the certainty that he is not worth it, makes him strive to receive the love of another person and fill his Self with it the main and obsessive purpose of existence.

Comparison of addiction and love

And here is the story of true love.

5 years after the baptism, the Lord gave me a gift - I met my soul mate, my man from God. This cannot be confused with anything - there was practically no passion in these relations, but there was warmth, light, freedom. In this relationship, I became freer than alone. Gone are my fears, which I have always had a lot, the world has become much brighter. The people with whom I talked then said that I was warm. And also, I felt the flow of Divine energy pouring out on me. He felt the same way. I felt God in my soul, I didn't just believe, I felt Him, His presence. I felt that I was in the will of God - and this is happiness. Amazingly calm happiness, without passions. This is some kind of strength, confidence and knowledge, exact knowledge - what is God's will and what is not, and no more is needed. The relationship with her husband was amazing - there was no need for words to explain himself - he felt everything without words. There was a feeling of such internal resonance, such unconditional acceptance. And here the concept of a family as a church was fully realized. And so it was, the presence of God was very tangible to both. True, I do not know why I was given such a gift than I deserved. But then this man passed away. And what is surprising - there was no tragedy, there was no emptiness, there was gratitude for this experience and confidence in the meeting. I did not feel devastated after parting, the state of the presence of God remained, the sensations of the flow of Divine energy and clarity remained.

What is the difference between a dependent relationship and love?

To establish a deep emotional connection with another person is possible only by gaining psychological autonomy. This relationship is distinguished by a sense of joy pouring out on others from such a couple and freedom. The motivation for entering such a relationship is love. A deep feeling of a partner, cooperation and trust distinguishes such a relationship.

Respect for one's own and other people's borders, for one's own and others' interests and needs is a feature of such relations. Mature love says, "I will do everything in my power to help you fulfill your abilities optimally, even if that means sometimes you will have to be far away from me and do something without me." In a mature relationship, there is always a lot of space for satisfying your own needs, for achieving your own goals and individual growth of the personality. In such a relationship, there is always room for God.

True love is not possessive love; it respects and admires a partner, rather than using him to satisfy her needs. In a dependent relationship, the partner is perceived as property.

True love brings a sense of satisfaction and a sense of harmony in life. There is little anxiety and hostility in her. In a dependent relationship, there is no sense of satisfaction and harmony, a lot of discontent and suppressed anger, a lot of claims against each other.

Truly lovers are independent from each other, autonomous, not jealous, but at the same time strive to help another person in self-realization, are proud of his victories, are generous and caring. Mature love says: "I can live without you, but I love you and therefore I want to be near." Dependent people are merged with each other, each of them does not have a separate psychological territory. They are jealous, they are owners, they cannot live without each other - their connection is compulsory.

For true love, the ability to give without demanding anything in return is an expression of strength and abundance. Giving, a mature person gets pleasure, and this in itself is a compensation for his emotional, physical and material costs. A person who is inclined to create a dependent relationship is focused on love-deal, love-exploitation. He cannot give without asking for anything in return, and having given, he feels used, devastated, deceived.

A mature, adult person knows a partner and realistically assesses his qualities. But at the same time, he appreciates him for who he is, and helps him to grow and open up personally, helps for his own sake, and not for the sake of serving him. The addict has no realistic idea of \u200b\u200bthe partner. He cannot accept a partner as he is, he seeks to educate him and remake him for himself.

A mature person respects his partner, his psychological territory, his psychological boundaries. Love is born in freedom and cannot exist in captivity. When freedom is encroached on, it begins to disappear. In a dependent relationship, psychological boundaries are violated, there is no respect for the partner and his psychological territory. The sprouts of love, if any, wither.

Personal responsibility is an integral part of mature love. In a dependent relationship, either responsibility is transferred to the partner, or there is hyperresponsibility.

A spiritually mature person is ready to truly understand another and accept him as he is, with all his strengths and weaknesses.
A spiritually mature person wants to have a partner whom they can trust and trust by sharing their thoughts and feelings, as well as needs and passions. He wants to be with someone he can lean on and whom he can support.
A mature person strives for such a relationship in which both partners have the opportunity to fully reveal their individuality and live in love with each other. A spiritually mature person takes another person's growth and development as seriously as they take their own. He is ready and able to agree with others and be his support, without renouncing his individuality and not allowing himself to be harmed.
A spiritually mature person is ready to answer for his own destiny and for the destiny of a partner.
A spiritually mature person knows that nothing is eternal, and, therefore, the relationship may end, but he also knows that this will not affect his responsibility and love in any way, and is grateful to every day of life.

From the foregoing, it follows that love is a relationship between mature, psychologically adults and independent people. Each person, whatever his childhood, working on himself, can overcome his addiction and learn to love truly.