How to create a happy and strong family? How to create a strong and happy family
Discuss these rules at the family council and begin to follow them. And be sure: your experiment to create a happy family is doomed to success!
Family relationships are the most important
Now many brides are looking for a successful groom: absorbed in work, career, making money. And you need to look for a man who will be absorbed by his woman! Work and career will follow if a man has the support of his beloved behind his back. And work, and friends, and hobbies - all this should not be the main thing on the list of priorities for both the wife and the husband. The main thing is, interest in each other and fullness with each other. If both spouses recognize each other as the highest value, then their family will certainly be happy.
No one owes nothing to nobody
The family will be happy only if all the duties that are distributed among its members, they take on voluntarily, and not "under duress." How to organize it?
First, to distribute affairs according to desire and inclination.
Secondly, not to stand over the soul, demanding the fulfillment of them at a strictly defined moment and in a strictly stipulated way, but to provide freedom in this.
Thirdly, it is important to praise and thank everyone for everything that everyone does for the family. Only then will the wife cook to please her loved ones, and the husband will maintain the house in order to earn the admiration of the household. No demands - only affectionate requests, no criticism - only praise!
Spouses for each other first of all - a man and a woman
Harmonious relations between men and women are always built on physical attraction to each other and spiritual intimacy. At different times of the relationship, these are different: in the period of falling in love, physical attraction is more important, in mature spouses, spiritual intimacy dominates. The main thing is to remain attractive and desirable for each other. And this means: take care of yourself, your appearance; try to be an interesting interlocutor - to expand the circle of your hobbies; find pleasure in pleasing your soul mate with pleasant deeds and unexpected surprises.
Everyone does what they want
The family will be happy if no one forces them to give up their interests and desires for the sake of other people's interests and desires. If the husband is going to the football game, and the wife has planned a trip to the theater on the same day, then why don't they go in different directions to do what the soul asks for? Only the understanding that all family members are free in their choice, that they have the right to do as they please, makes everyone happy. And if there is happiness in the family, then its members will not want to part with each other, which means that there will be more joint affairs, projects and entertainment than individual ones.
destructive habits
habit of criticizing. The person being criticized experiences stress and discomfort. If you love your loved ones, try to keep criticism to a minimum. Don't pick on the little things.
The habit of pulling the blanket over yourself. It is so intended by nature that the man in the pair is the leader, and the woman is his support and support. In families where such role constellations are violated, unhealthy relationships arise, which can ultimately lead to collapse. It is important for a wife to learn to be feminine and wise: to give her husband the role of leader, protector and breadwinner.
The habit of going with the flow. When a couple is going through a candy-bouquet period, each tries to please the other with their appearance, gifts and surprises. Over time, romance fades into the background, and the spouses slowly begin to look around in search of the lost. Don't let this happen!
There is never too much happiness in family life. And even if life is established, everything is fine in it, and it flows as usual, we are constantly trying to find some kind of flaw in our relationship with our beloved woman. We torture ourselves with baseless suspicions and unfounded guesses. As a result, we come to mutual distrust. We stop understanding each other. If we are afraid to say out loud what is eating us deep inside, then over time, unvoiced thoughts turn into hidden grievances.
In order to create a strong family, you need to learn to think less about your own needs, and think more about how your wife feels and what she wants. If there is no equal return on your part, your family will soon collapse, despite the fact that you really love each other very much. Love is the main condition for creating a strong, happy family. And this feeling can survive for many years, but it must be constantly nourished and cherished, like a beautiful and delicate flower that can wither if it is neglected. It is impossible to think that if one person loves another, then he can forgive him everything and do everything for him.
The feeling of love for each other is manifested, first of all, in the attention given to your partner. For any woman, this is of paramount importance. Some women even live with men they have never been in love with, just because they feel constant sincere attention and care from them. This is especially important when it comes to the person they love. Be careful with your wife, do not forget to ask her about everyday little things, even if it seems optional to you. For example, I constantly ask my wife about how she slept, although I slept next to me and I know perfectly well what her answer will be. Showing attention to your wife is my first rule.
My second main rule, which I use in my relationship with my wife, is the ability to forgive the little mistakes of my beloved. There are no ideal women on the globe, just like men, by the way, too. Every person is capable of making mistakes. Therefore, if you are a wise person and want your family union to be strong, you must learn to forgive. But this does not mean that you should endure everything meekly and be silent in all emerging conflict situations. If any problem arises, you should discuss it with your wife, and if she did something not the way you would like it, try to understand the reasons for her actions. This is the main thing to understand and forgive.
And I have one more important rule. You must constantly monitor your appearance. You can’t turn into such a too domestic husband who doesn’t give a damn how he looks at home. Remember how you wanted to please your wife, at a time when you were just courting her. Sometimes this can be very important, because if you suddenly become fat or too thin, it can alienate even the person who loves you from you. Try not to lose your former form, which once attracted your beloved to you.
The delicate sphere is matters of the heart and family. The authors of such questions do not always identify themselves, but the topic excites many. We asked Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov, Chairman of the Patriarchal Commission for Family Affairs, Protection of Motherhood and Childhood, to answer.
About cohabitation and marriage
- Father Dimitry, a frequent question: why is registration in the registry office required for a wedding?
- Because the registry office issues a certificate that you are husband and wife. Earlier, when the Church was state, the priest himself registered the marriage. And today the functions are divided: the state puts a stamp in the passport, and the church crowns.
— Is it a sin to live without registration? Even in love and harmony?
- Why not go to the registry office then? Usually there is only one reason: to make it easier to leave if something happens. Marriage means joint ownership, common property rights. This is responsibility. If people avoid it, then this is not a family, but a temporary cohabitation. “Today it is convenient for me - I live with you, and tomorrow we will see.”
- Do you refuse communion to those who live in such a union?
- Strictly speaking, such a person should leave the temple at the exclamation of "Doors, doors!". According to the canons, he does not have the right to be present at the most important part of the liturgy. Because he commits the sin of fornication and thereby places himself outside the Church. But now they don’t take them out of the temple, let them stand. And it is impossible to allow him to confession, unction. If you want to become a member of the Church, follow the rules. You can't be a fornicator and a Christian at the same time.
- And if a person hides that he is cohabiting with someone?
- It's absolutely pointless. You come to the temple not by order, but for the sake of your soul, to God, and not to the priest. You can't fool God. If your union is strong - get married and get married. If not, stop fooling around. And then the way to the Church is open to you.
Do's and Don'ts Before Marriage
- The girl asks: what can be allowed to the groom before marriage?
- A lot: to have intimate conversations, write poetry, give flowers, compose songs, stand under the window, take care, love.
- What about kissing?
- Better not. Let's be patient a little.
- And if he asks, pulls to the sofa, takes offense and threatens to leave?
- We need to explain to him: “Darling, I am from another system. If you love me and make me an offer, I consider it. And if I agree, we will set the wedding day. But I’m not sure if I’ll say yes, because since you start from the couch, you’re unlikely to suit me.”
- And he says: he’s not ready for the wedding yet, but he’s crazy about you ...
- Then goodbye. And if he leaves, thank God.
But the girl loves him. And he concedes, hoping to formalize the relationship later.
- I really hope so. What fool would marry someone who already belongs to him? He will fool her for years. He will say that he needs to save up for a chic wedding, get rich, buy a house ... Because why does he need problems? Nearby is young, beautiful, I love her, she loves me, we live together. Everything is fine! And so it will be until I meet another in the subway, whom I love even more ...
About intimate
Can believing spouses use contraception?
“According to church rules, contraception is attempted murder. And if it worked effectively, then this is a perfect murder. Exactly.
- But there are situations when people are not able to raise many children - neither the strength nor the means ...
- If Orthodox spouses categorically do not want to have more children, they have one reliable and not connected with sin method - abstinence.
Is it necessary to prepare for family life
- How not to make mistakes when choosing a pair?
- It takes a long time, at least a year, to recognize the person with whom you are going to live. Ask him questions. For example: “Will we have icons at home?”, “Will we raise children in the Orthodox faith?”. Or: “Which temple do you go to?” And if the answer is "None" - there is reason to think about whether it is worth developing an acquaintance.
- It happens that a husband earns decently and wants to see a mistress, a mother at home, and a woman herself seeks to make a career ...
- It is necessary to take a closer look at the parents of your bride in advance: what kind of relationship they have, what way of life. People often reproduce the parental pattern of behavior. If a young man has one project in his head, and a girl has another, then problems will arise with family construction. But most importantly, they must have a common goal.
- Which? Everyone wants happiness...
Happiness is a state that arises in a good family. And the goal of an Orthodox family is to build a home church, where the husband is a priest, the wife is a deacon, that is, his assistant, and the children are the people of God, they must be brought to Christ.
Newlyweds usually think of other things.
- Therefore, there are two divorces for three marriages in Russia. The common goal has disappeared, only individual desires remain. Sometimes quite simple: there was an attraction - they get married, they cooled off - a divorce. They get married so that there is “someone to wash”. Or they get married so that the house "smells like a man." And then they suffer.
- Family life should be preceded by some kind of preparation?
Despite the complexity and philosophical nature of the above questions, which over time have become almost rhetorical, the answers to them are quite simple. But the whole difficulty lies precisely in the fact that you need to apply in life what is given in the answers. Not just to know, but to APPLY.
As, however, any changes that we decide to make in life begin with a desire, then there is a decision, and then, in fact, action. It is not enough to want, it is not enough to decide, you need to DO. And this is the main secret of any undertaking.
Independent long-term studies were conducted, in many countries and in different periods of time. And they all showed one irrefutable fact - all successful people who have achieved success in different areas of life - in relationships, in the professional field, in personal development, etc., are distinguished from ordinary people by the fact that they ACTED. I will repeat this again and highlight. Because there are simply no other secrets to success.
And since I want to devote this article to achieving success in family life, then it is very important to apply all the recommendations that you hear in it from personal experience.
I do not like to write about the experience of my family relationships, this is too intimate a topic for me and should always remain within the family. But I just want to note that what I will write about today, I have already applied in my life. And the results exceeded all my expectations. Strong family, strong marriage, warm relationships, lack of quarrels, development of the inner life of the family, building deep ties with her husband, gifts (which have not been for a long time), peace, harmony and happiness - these are the benefits that I personally received from what I introduced in your life the things that will be discussed below.
Where does marital happiness begin?
Family happiness starts with... a woman. If you notice, I always write about it, I always put emphasis on it. A man also has his own role, his own work to strengthen relationships and create happiness in the family. But since it is rather difficult to inspire others to change or force something to be done, and it is much easier to educate and change oneself, then building personal and family happiness we start with ourselves. And it is simply necessary to recognize the fact that the woman bears the main force in preserving the family.
A happy family is not fate or luck, but the constant, deep, inner work of two loving people
Faith in husband
Well, you got married. They chose the best man in the world. You believe it. And in this faith lies a huge portion of happiness. Do your best to carry this faith throughout your family life. Because if you even for a short time allow thoughts that you could find better, then from that moment your happiness will begin to collapse.
If you do not believe that you could be happy with this person, then you will not have happiness in the family. I talked a lot about the psychophysical nature of a woman in an article. So this psychophysical nature plays a decisive role in family life. If a woman at the energy level (in thoughts) will allow more happy marriage with another person, it will be difficult for her to build a deep relationship with the person she married.
In this case, the strength of the family and the secret family happiness will lie in the plane of a woman’s thoughts and her deep belief that the man she chose as her husband and with whom she now lives is the very man with whom she can build her happiness. If this faith is not there, then there will be no happiness in the family. By the way, this same belief is the basis of any positive changes both in the personality of the husband and in family life. Faith is the force that opens the way to a man's heart. And this faith should come only from a woman.
And vice versa, the trigger for the destruction of the family is the state of the woman and her thoughts that I can’t be happy with this person and in general I didn’t choose the best option for myself. The answer to such thoughts will be the anger of the husband, the manifestation of not the best features of his character, nervousness, and failure in business. And, as a rule, few associate such behavior with the mood of the wife.
If you allow thoughts of another man, you are not faithful to your husband. And loyalty is the power that builds relationships. “This is my only person with whom I have connected my life and I don’t need another” - these are the correct moods of a wife that will provide her happiness in marriage.
Purity in behavior
Second Force happy marriage is the purity of a woman's conduct. Let's return to the biblical immortal virtues, which were defined several thousand years ago and are actually not accepted by modern society. I think if you are one of those who deny them, then it will be uninteresting and useless for you to read the article further. This article is for those women who really want to be happy, build strong and happy relationship and who is ready for this to gain knowledge and work on themselves.
So, cleanliness in behavior. What is meant by this? It's not just the absence of physical infidelity. But also the exception of flirting. If a woman smiles friendly while greeting another man at a meeting - this is one smile, and if she smiles and at the same time internally tries to please him and wishes this - then this is a different smile. Flirting is sex on a subtle level. That's what ancient knowledge says.
The assumption of flirting comes from the first rule - if a woman admits that she could be happier with another man, then she will subconsciously or consciously look for this best option in every man she meets.
And if a woman accepted and recognized her husband as the best man in the world, then she would not even want to flirt with other men, she would not see the point in this. Yes, and desire will not arise. When we smile sweetly (every woman knows what kind of smile I'm talking about) and flirt with other men, then in this way we share family energy to some extent and family happiness with this man, thereby wasting power.
Chastity directly determines the amount happiness in the family . Chastity means not to look softly and affectionately at other men, not to smile at them, and even more so not to start relationships with them. Moreover, it is important to note the fact that a woman does not lose anything. She does not deprive herself of anything, devoting her life to only one man. Because fidelity will allow her to deepen her relationship with her husband. And as a result, she will receive much more love, happiness and other privileges that will come as a result of chastity.
A man will feel and understand that his wife is reliable, he will trust her, he will see and feel her impeccable behavior and will be grateful to her for it. Such a family will be treated with respect, feeling its strength and influence.
What Happens During Cheating? The mechanism of jealousy is easy to explain from a psychological point of view. When a man and a woman are happy with each other, then psychic strength begins to gather and accumulate between them - the energy of happiness. When a wife, for example, begins to cheat on her husband, then the energy of happiness begins to be divided among all, and for a married couple it decreases. The husband begins to feel this, and anxiety begins to grow inside him, which is called jealousy. So, even before everything is revealed, the family begins to lose its strength, and with it, its happiness.
Understanding your role in the family
third force happy family is that everyone should understand their place in the family and their role. 80% of a man's happiness lies outside the family - in public affairs. And it is important to accept it as a fact. For women, the opposite is true: 80% of our happiness lies in the family. This is not easy for modern women to recognize. But this is also a fact.
When we oppose work to family, we make another man happy - our boss or business partner, companion, etc. And when we stay in the family, we use all our strength for cultivating happiness in the family and to make our husbands happy.
This does not mean that we should not work or engage in social activities. We can work and do what we like, but only enough time to leave enough time for the family, for building and deepening relationships, for building the inner life of the family and raising children.
A woman should not work from the position of earning a living. If you do not agree with me, it means that you have not yet come to this understanding. This realization came to me so clearly that I can hardly think otherwise. And it came at the moment when I became a wife, and later a mother, and plunged into the cycle of affairs and responsibilities associated with family life.
Before marriage, I enjoyed my job, earning money and building a career. Having a family, I naturally changed my views and priorities. I suddenly realized that home, family, household, raising children, building relationships (not only with my household, but also with relatives, as well as with neighbors and people around the family), establishing relationships, creating family traditions and rituals, and so on and so forth. - that is work. Huge, complete work. If I have time and desire, then I do something else that brings me pleasure - this is, for example, maintaining this blog and communicating with readers.
I came to understand that a woman can work, but only if she wants to or has time for it. But not to earn a living. This understanding releases tremendous strength and additional energy in a woman, which she can use for other useful things besides family, for example, creating projects or generating new ideas.
But what to do in the case of a small income of a husband, you ask, or in situations where the husband does not work at all? Here we move on to another force that every woman must learn to discover, cultivate and accumulate for herself. This is the power of love. Yes Yes! It's all so trite. But not that erotic love, because of which many create relationships and families, deeply believing that this is it ... that very ... true love. No. And now I'm talking about love - service. In general, to love is a verb, and its synonym is to serve.
love = serve
It is known that in the whole Universe there is no greater power than the power of love. Love is energy. And she can work miracles. So the strength of a woman is in her ability to love. To love means:
- take care
- inspire
- care
- feed
- respect
- listen
- read
- be faithful
If a woman understands the true meaning of love, then she is “doomed” to happiness. It will be easy for such a woman to inspire her husband to the exploits, who, as a result of this love, will begin to bring money into the house, constantly increasing the welfare of the family.
If you inspire your husband to exploits, which is actually the duty of a woman, then sooner or later, your husband will reach heights in his affairs, both material (great earnings) and spiritual (recognition). To do this, you just have to constantly tell your husband that everything is fine with him, that everything is working out for him, that he is talented, that he is doing everything right. A husband and wife have a very strong and deep spiritual connection, so the husband believes his wife at this moment, enthusiasm appears in him, his confidence grows; decisive action follows confidence; And after the actions come the results. This is how the chain is built family happiness.
If you dream of your husband succeeding in public affairs (at work, in business, in any activity) and bringing home a lot of money, then everything is in your hands. It is very easy to learn this. Look again (above) what love is. If you fill a man with this love, then he will start earning more so that you do not have to work at all.
The intelligence of a woman
Next Power harmonious family relationships is the intelligence of a woman. This is when all family and interpersonal issues are resolved without disputes, bickering and disagreements. When the wife is able to get her way through consent, affectionate communication and obedience. If a wife learns not to argue with her husband, but to initially agree with him in everything, showing her humility and obedience, then such a wife will always get what she wants. But only in a different, more reasonable way than reproaches, insults or manipulation. In such a house there will always be peace and tranquility, which, you see, is not enough.
Here the psychology is simple: a man, by nature, is strong both in spirit and body. And so he cannot fight the weak. He will no longer respect himself. When a woman shows weakness and obedience, he cannot fight it, cannot resist it. And he always agrees. And when a woman begins to "swing muscles" of her unreasonableness - screaming, yelling, contradicting, climbing with her fists, then the beast begins to wake up in a man. And then the relationship goes to the level of scuffle and assault or constant quarrels and showdown.
Any wife should understand that two things make a man happy - this is when he is respected and when he is listened to. If this happens in the family, then for him it will mean one thing - he is loved here. And for people who treat him this way (wife, children), he will be ready to move mountains.
Therefore, I repeat, the power family happiness in the mind of a woman.
Increasing experience
The next force to help line up strong marriage and happy relationship is the acquisition of knowledge. Previously, their mothers and grandmothers passed on the experience of family life to young girls and shared their secrets, experience and best practices. Now all this knowledge is forgotten and for many has lost its relevance.
The wisdom of this experience can be useful to any girl, no matter what state she is in - just going to get married, already married, in a happy marriage, in an unhappy marriage. In any situation, you can at least try to correct the situation and change everything for the better. But change requires knowledge.
So, constant learning about how to behave in marriage, how to behave with your husband, how to educate and build relationships with children, how to take your role in family life, will help build strong relationships and create happy family.
If a woman does not study these issues, then it will be difficult for her to understand the cause of many failures and she will not know how to act correctly. And the acquisition of knowledge will accumulate experience in it, which is much more important than obtaining, say, an economic education or any other. Experience will help her build harmonious and deep relationships with households and relatives. Experience will help you quickly identify the problem, respond to it and solve it.
Openness to husband
The next strength of strong family ties is openness to the husband. It is very important for a woman to learn to communicate openly with her husband and tell him everything that happens in her life. Not with a friend to share this, namely with her husband. This will help strengthen the relationship and deepen it. And this is the best prevention of betrayal and divorce. Everything that lies on your heart - ideas, thoughts, fears, doubts, you need to dedicate your husband to all this.
At the same time, it should be noted that a man should not share with his wife what is in his heart. This is a sign of weakness. Imagine that your husband comes home from work and starts talking about his worries (whining), discussing what someone said or did, how someone was dressed (gossip) and how his work day went. A real man should not even pay attention to all these things. He must be above all this.
Do not take out "dirty rubbish"
Another rule that must be observed in order to build a happy and harmonious family is to never take out dirty linen in public. For some reason, in our time it is customary to share the details of family life with friends, relatives or even a psychologist, revealing all the nuances of family life. This is a big mistake. Everything that the family lives by must remain within the family. This will help cultivate strength in the family. And if you take family happiness outside the family, then this force will gradually decrease, bringing discord and quarrels into the family.
Keep the power of your family in your hands. You can say a word with family and friends that everything is fine with you, things are fine. And that's it! Nobody else needs to know. Your family is your castle. Guard her!
mutual respect
It is very important in the family to develop respect for each other. The whole strength of the family is built on mutual respect. This is the necessary foundation upon which happiness is built. If spouses respect each other, then their children will respect them. Moreover, it is worth noting that respect is closely related to loyalty. If a wife respects her husband, she will never allow herself to smile sweetly, like a woman, to another man. And if he does not respect, then he will allow it. When mutual respect melts, then happiness gradually leaves with it. A sense of respect in oneself for another person (in particular, for a husband) must be consciously cultivated and developed. For family happiness is at stake.
I am well aware that everything that is written in this article is not easy to understand and accept, and even more difficult to apply in life. It is much easier for us to diet, to starve, to lift weights in gyms than to obey our husband or stop comparing him with others. Applying all this knowledge requires a lot of inner work. But here it is very easy to find motivation for yourself, just decide once and for all - do you want to be happy and build a happy marriage? If yes, then you will find the strength in yourself to at least try to follow these recommendations.
It is important to remember that happiness appears outside of us only when it appears within us. Thanks to the subtle energy that women possess, we are able to make whole revolutions. But first, let's make a revolution in our minds to change our lives and the lives of people close to us for the better.
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Today we have a very interesting interlocutor - Vadim Shlakhter, candidate of psychological sciences, coach from St. Petersburg. He has a great long-term practice in the training business and he has something to advise our women, which he does with pleasure.
Vadim, I would like to talk to you about how to get married successfully, how to make a strong, happy family and be the only and irreplaceable one.
Okay. Let's start with what are the failures in the relationship of a man and a woman, because they all have certain failures.
Women have failures at the stage of attention, that is, a man looked at her, he liked her, but he did not approach her. Why did the attention phase fail? Here it is connected with the manner of behavior, with the manner of holding, with the manner of looking, with the image and other reasons.
Second. The man approached her, met her, spoke, sat down, drank coffee, after that he disappeared and does not appear. The woman, overpowering her pride, calls him herself, he says, yes, somehow, definitely, of course, and again disappears, again there is a failure. Or they met, went somewhere, had dinner together and that’s it, they don’t meet anymore, the man disappears from her life. Or they met, they had great sex and after that he disappeared. Do you recognize situations that are familiar to many women? Why is this happening? At each stage of these failures, you need to work, analyze, understand why this happened.
Is it possible to be more specific about how to work, analyze, understand?
Never interrupt a man, even if you think he is talking absolute nonsense. You, dear ladies, can think three thoughts at the same time, but we, men, think only one thought and think it very well, therefore, if you interrupted us, we forget this thought and we become offended and our anger falls on you.
And when a man pauses, do not switch to something else, support him, ask questions. The beauty of a woman - any - is transient, they get used to any beauty, but mutual relationships, communication, the opportunity to make a man feel like a higher being, to feel his significance - is timeless, this is what will conquer a man forever. Therefore, let him talk and help him do it, admire him, look at him with an admiring look, then he will not get away from you.
Do you think he will appreciate it? What if they don't appreciate it? If, as one of the Russian humorists said, he says, shut your mouth, fool, I have already said everything ...
If you think about it, you will never appreciate it. There is a certain set of traditional myths, both male and female. For example, women think that a man is rude. In fact, a man is a subtle creature and his rudeness is superficial, a protection from emotionality. The second myth is that a man only needs sex. This is not so, a man needs feelings, he needs understanding. He can go from a beautiful, smart, good, wonderful woman to some wild creature simply because that creature looks at him with open mouth, with admiration. And this smart, beautiful woman perceives it as an interior detail, you understand?
How to meet the man of your dreams and marry him?
First, you need to take a pen and clearly state what kind of man you need, how he should be down to the details of his appearance. When you say it and write it down, you subconsciously give yourself an installation. The next moment is to understand where such men are, where they go, what they do, and appear in the places where they are.
Next - learn to speak their language, understand what they say and create an image of maximum attractiveness. Remember, when a man looks at a woman - if, of course, they are both attractive to each other - a short porn movie flashes through his head. And in the head of a woman, a series with a happy ending flashes through until the grandchildren enter the institute. This is the law of psychology, so the biggest misconception for a woman is to believe that a man is a big woman without a bust and differently arranged reproductive organs. It's not, we are completely different.
So, you need to appear in those places where there are men of your dreams. Will those who are interesting for marriage, status person, appear in nightclubs? Unlikely. In which cafes will they drink coffee during the day? Where is their office? You need to come there and create an image of attractiveness, get to know each other. Cafes need to choose simple, not pretentious. These can be cafes of large companies or some administrative departments, and it is desirable to come there by the end of the working day, since who will go to the cafe in the office to drink coffee after work? The one who is not in a hurry to go home. And if he is not in a hurry to go home, then he is either free, or the marriage is at the stage of disintegration.
Logically.
Yes. And you never need to go to extremes, that is, pretend to be a frightened touchy or an experienced bitch. Some kind of middle ground is needed, and this middle ground, balance is what a man reacts to. This is a short tip on how to get to know each other.
Next - a look, the ability to invite with a look, so it is very important for a woman to be able to invite with a look. A man is a frightened creature, always afraid of getting rejected, getting a bummer, so when you look at a man you like, hold your gaze for more than two seconds. If you catch his interested eye for the second time, look at him and smile. If he still does not dare to approach you, then look at him again and invite him to sit next to you with your eyes. And then he will come up to you, get acquainted and speak.
And how to make him a husband?
Here are a number of recommendations on how to make a man immediately begin to perceive you as a wife. Some of my good friends began to meet from the first day and everyone around immediately began to perceive them as husband and wife. This is her merit, she was my student and understood how to create the image of a wife and they quickly got married.
If a man does not dare, then can a woman herself come up and get to know each other, without creating the impression that she is struggling to jump into the last leaving car and thereby not frighten him.
You can get acquainted first, but at the same time you need to create a model of sincerity, you just need to calmly look at the man and say, you still don’t dare to get to know me, or do you still decide? This phrase is the key for many men. You need to say this directly, as if jokingly or laughing to relieve tension.
Are there easy ways to get married, if so, is it worth it?
It is very important to understand here that the more you want something, the less likely you are to get it, so the setting should not be for marriage. If a woman dreams of a stamp in her passport, then a man intuitively feels this and is terribly afraid of it, this causes him rejection, rejection, so you need to strive not for the formal side, but for relationships. It is very important.
What kind of women do men usually marry? Why in life often loves one, but marries a completely different one, or marries one, and walks with a completely different one. And how do you feel about the phrase that men are looking for a woman with a good past, and women - a man with a good future.
Let's start with why she loves one and marries a completely different one, I will say that the one she loves was suppressed from childhood by mothers, grandmothers, older friends, that is, they created in her the image of a woman unsuitable for life together with a man. For example, a single mother brainwashed a girl that, behold, I raised you alone, and you will raise you, and naturally a negative attitude appears in a young woman. Previously, people held on to each other, as marriage was the guarantor of survival. Now this is not the case, a woman survives perfectly well without a man. A man can do just fine without a wife. Sex - there are enough mistresses for this and they have such an opportunity. Cooking - there are plenty of good inexpensive cafes for this, and in many cases hiring a housekeeper is much cheaper and easier than having a wife. But for a full-fledged psychological construction, marriage is necessary. I always say that a man needs to be married and happy, and a woman needs to be married and happy. If any of this is missing, then something is wrong here.
What kind of wives do men want to see? Allowing a man to feel like a higher being. Whatever miserable place he occupies in life, he also needs to feel like a higher being.
And if her intelligence is much higher than his, then how to live with him and at the same time he also sing an ode?
Do you think that in this case he should constantly point to the stall and constantly smack him? A woman must constantly motivate a man to develop. What is a wife for? What is a husband for? For posterity? This can be done without a husband. For family comfort? Now it can be done without a wife. Money? Many women now earn more than men. Protection? We are protected by law enforcement agencies. So what are husband and wife for? So, a wife is needed in order to motivate him to develop. Simply put, kick him in the ass so that he moves and achieves something in life. The mistress cannot do this, it is the wife who is nearby who should do it. A mistress can give good sex, but this is not enough.
What is a husband for? In order to fulfill the need for pedagogy in a woman, it is not enough for her to teach children, she still needs to teach her husband, because the quality of upbringing and teaching is inherent in a woman. If she does not have a husband, then this is transferred to the children, and they will grow up crushed by maternal authoritarianism, so a woman needs a husband as a lightning rod in the family.
How to remain unique and irreplaceable?
Constantly improve, and in all areas - in the intimate, mental, read a lot, browse, experiment, let a man feel next to you as a higher being, experience the pleasure of communicating with you. Previously, a woman could keep a man with sex and erotica, now this stuff is everywhere in bulk, in any country, even, let's say, in countries with remnants of Muslim culture, sorry. So don't hold on to it. What to keep? Just good attitude.
Can this prevent cheating on the part of her husband?
Cheating for a man is a hobby, a man can get carried away by another woman, simply by being led to the convex part of the body. And a woman needs feelings to have sex with a man. We, men, can have sex without feeling, just by being attracted to long legs, or round buttocks, bust, and so on. But a woman does not, she needs feelings for this. Therefore, if a man has another woman, it's not scary, but if a woman has another man, then it means that she has lost her feelings for you. You are more spiritual beings, so for us, sex with a strange woman, albeit a negative, but not a destructive phenomenon. And a woman's sex with another man destroys the relationship with you.
If your husband has a woman, and you know about it, then what should a wife do in such cases?
You need to clearly understand that she needs to be irreplaceable. Secondly, no woman can be tall and petite, thin and plump, fair and dark at the same time, so you constantly need to improve yourself and always be different - one in the morning, another in the afternoon, a third at night. To do this, you must always work on yourself both internally and externally, such women do not get bored.
If the family still breaks up, then what needs to be done, how to save it?
In such cases, a woman needs to understand whether she will be better or worse without him. Better yet, send it. If worse, hold on. And one more very important point - there are certain conditions under which a woman needs to immediately leave a man, and a man immediately needs to say goodbye to a woman. A woman needs to immediately leave a man in two cases - if he is not ready or refuses to take responsibility for her and for future children, this is not suitable for marriage. And also if he has a hard addiction - drugs, alcoholism or gambling. And a man needs to end a relationship with her if she has another man, even if only occasionally.
Let's say the beloved husband still left for another woman. How can she live on, how not to lose heart, not to go into depression?
Men don't leave a good woman. If he did leave, then something was wrong in her behavior. So, you need to understand yourself, understand what was wrong and look not to the past, but to the future, how to make the next marriage happy and avoid the mistakes of the previous one.
Today, there are quite frequent cases when people, having lived for 20-30 years, scatter. This is fine?
It's not that normal, it's understandable. This means that a woman, being married, blossomed, showed carelessness, thinks that since they have lived for so many years, then her husband will not go anywhere and it doesn’t matter how she looks, she walks at home in curlers, in sweatpants.
Some women say, well, I give birth to a bunch of children for him, and he will not go anywhere ...
It will go, how it will go. Children will not keep a man if he wants to leave, and joint property will not keep him either. Here Abramovich divorced, left a bag of money to his wife, almost a third of his fortune and five children, and left. If a woman does not work on herself, dissolves, loses attractiveness in the eyes of a man, then she will not keep him. And if a man has a status in life, then he will definitely have another woman with whom he will be interested, and with her he will feel like a higher being.
Until what age can a woman hope to meet the most important person in her life? I mean older women, many of them are single too.
For them, the same advice is to look attractive, try to look for interesting men for yourself, try to establish contact with them and communicate. The main thing is not to go online for dating, as nothing good will come of it. As practice shows, the probability is extremely small. And you also need to believe that while you are alive, your life goes on, and everyone has the right to happiness, including women, regardless of age and external data.
Is it worth it to endure a husband because of children, if nothing connects you with him, except for children.
If each of the partners fulfills his duties in marriage, then he cannot be abandoned. That is, if this man pleases his wife, takes care of her, supports her and the children, even at the most minimal level, then he cannot be abandoned. If he doesn't do it, then you have to leave him. Just like a woman. If she fulfills her duties, then she should not be thrown in any case.
I mean a little different. Is it necessary to endure a husband if you don’t feel anything but disgust for him, and you endure him only because of the children, you don’t get divorced?
In this case it is prostitution, only here instead of money he gives you the comfort of children. And prostitution is disgusting. So decide whether you are ready for prostitution or not. If you are ready, stay with your husband because of the children. If you are not ready, then take the children and get the hell out of it.
What words should never be said to a husband, a loved one?
You can say any words, but you can never show him the experience of communicating with other men. I always tell women, remember, in your life of men, besides your husband, there is only a father, brother and son, you don’t have other men, you don’t know them and haven’t even heard of them. This is necessary so that a man does not feel inferior.
Second - in no case do not compare him with other men. Unfortunately, many women make this mistake. It is highly undesirable for a man to admire another man, even if he is an actor. In no case! And most importantly, you can not reproach a man that he did not live up to your expectations. If you married a locksmith, then do not scold him for not being a Rockefeller. Do not reproach him for the fact that he disappears a lot at work and at the same time earns less than you would like. In no case, otherwise then he will generally go into a stupor.
And a man should never show a woman his despair and fear of some other man. These are two things a woman should never see.
How should a husband and wife sleep - separately or together?
I am a supporter of sleeping separately, a man does not need to get used to the constant presence of a woman, to the smell of her body, to touch and so on. To do this, it is not necessary to have two beds, you can have one bed, but a large one so that they are not always nearby. It is desirable to sleep together occasionally, once a week, embracing and falling asleep.
Is this due to the fact that each person is an individual being and should have their own personal space?
No, this is due to not turning a woman into a routine. That is why, for example, there are a lot of men with non-traditional sexual orientation in ballet? Because from childhood they get used to touching a girl, a girl, a woman without sexual motivation, that is, they are always available. Why are there no gay men among wrestlers, boxers and other martial arts? I myself practiced SAMBO for many years and have not seen a single non-traditional SAMBO wrestler. Because the torso of the same sex is perceived by them as an object of aggression that needs to be beaten or broken. And girls are uuuuuuuuuuuuum, something inaccessible, which is what all normal men usually strive for.
What should a woman do if her husband constantly harasses her with his baseless jealousy?
First, you need to talk and clearly say what he is afraid of. Do not scandalize, but, here you are jealous of me, namely to speak. Secondly, you should always admire your husband, as I said above.
Many women and girls suffer from unrequited love. What to do?
This is not unrequited love, this is a mismatch between requests and essence. Ask yourself the question, what can you give a man that other competitors in natural selection will not give? Appearance? Get used to any appearance. Sex? Sex is now available to everyone. There has always been and is a demand for status men, in any country, at any time. What can you offer that others won't? I had an acquaintance, a very successful man, a politician, a businessman, he was widowed at 48, and when he was alone, he had all sorts of women, both young, and beautiful, and smart, and he married an ordinary woman, she was only five years old. younger than him, his appearance is normal and he is happy. Do you know why? Because with her he feels like a higher being.
Brightly paint lips.
Factors that destroy relationships between spouses:
Husband's mom.
wife's mom
Girlfriends of the wife, because none of the friends wants you to be happy, everyone wants you to be unhappy, resort to them, cry in their vest and say how bad you feel, how worthless he is, etc.
Unmarried friends of the husband.
Torgyn Nurseitova
Almaty – St. Petersburg
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