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Psychological violence in the family: how to identify and how to avoid. Domestic Violence - Domestic Sadism

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On January 27, the State Duma adopted a law on the decriminalization of beatings in the family. Now the first case of violence against a loved one will entail not criminal, but administrative punishment. We talked with a psychologist about how to recognize the early signs of aggression in a partner and what to do after violence has been used against you.

How to respond to violence?

Psychologist Arkady Morozov, whom we contacted, believes that from the point of view of moral opposition to violence, it is important, first of all, to respond to it. The reaction to violence is, in his opinion, a surer guarantee that beatings in the family will be stopped. Otherwise, the situation will repeat itself.

“If a wife was abused by her husband, she should immediately call the police or take the children and leave. Only a reaction can show the rapist that his actions will not go unpunished, ”says the psychologist.

However, not everyone is ready to leave in response to a blow or a slap. After all, it is possible that the damage was done by accident. In such cases, it is required to analyze the situation and find out whether the crime had intent. However, if the victim of aggression systematically shows humility and patience, this is considered a clear sign of a person prone to co-dependent relationships. It will be more difficult for people of such a warehouse to show awareness and leave an aggressive partner in time, Morozov believes.

Why is this happening?

He also talks about the reasons why people use and endure violence:

“If beatings were practiced in the families of partners, then, most likely, partners will consider domestic violence an acceptable norm. The childhood abuse memory 'file' is thus 'activated' in the adult situation, both on the part of the victim and the perpetrator."

At the same time, it is not so easy to recognize a person who is ready to “dissolve his hands”. The psychologist claims that few people will undertake to draw up an accurate portrait of a potentially dangerous individual. However, there is still an approximate classification of such people:

“There are two types of such people - open or covert aggressors. An open aggressor can show violence in society: at work, on the street, in the company of friends. The hidden type may not behave aggressively in public, but change their behavior in the family, ”explains the specialist.

However, you should look closely at the people with whom you want to connect your life. Some seemingly friendly and attractive people can give themselves away in small things. If there is psychological pressure, manipulation and a strong unwillingness to seek compromises, most likely, things can come to beatings.

“You should pay attention to verbal aggression - swearing and unwillingness to reckon with the opinion of household members. A good marker is how a person behaves, for example, while driving: this moderately stressful situation well reveals the level of aggression that a person is capable of. If verbal abuse is witnessed and "tolerated" by a partner, the abuser may perceive this as a signal of permission and approval. Further - more, aggression grows like a snowball, ”says Morozov.

In general, conflict situations and their avoidance are entirely in the hands of both partners or spouses. It is best to prevent the use of physical force at the stage of early signs, but if this has already happened, you should immediately contact the police and fix the injuries in the hospital.

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Over a woman occurs quite often. Unfortunately, often the representatives of the weaker sex do not know how to deal with this, and are afraid to tell others about their problem. It is for this reason that they humble themselves, and such a relationship becomes the norm. In our article, you can find out how to recognize domestic violence and where to turn in this case to get help and support from specialists.

Psychological abuse

Psychological violence in the family is the constant use of acts of violence against the emotions and psyche of a person. Recognizing it is easy enough. The main criteria for psychological violence include insults, threats towards a partner, unreasonable criticism and condemnation. Experts believe that the purpose of such behavior is the desire to limit the freedom of another person and underestimate his self-esteem.

As a rule, psychological violence in the family against a woman is accompanied by physical and sexual violence. This type of impact is quite difficult to prove, because there are no abrasions or wounds on the body of the victim. It is for this reason that psychological abuse is the norm in many families.


In order to recognize psychological abuse, it is necessary to pay attention to the following factors:
  • The husband humiliates his wife and makes fun of her shortcomings in front of strangers, enjoying it.
  • The partner regularly neglects the ideas and opinions of his wife.
  • In relation to the victim, sarcasm and insults are used in order to worsen the emotional background.
  • Excessive control even in minor matters.
  • The victim is convinced of her wrong and unreasonableness.
  • The aggressor regularly accuses the woman of disrespect.
  • A tyrant never asks for forgiveness.
  • A man ignores the interests of his partner.
  • The husband avoids discussing problems in the family.
  • The victim is always blamed for any troubles and difficulties.
  • The emotional aggressor often threatens his victim.
  • The wife lives according to the rules set by the husband. Their change or non-fulfillment is not discussed.
  • Any rest or personal time is regarded by the tyrant as laziness.
  • The representative of the weaker sex feels uncomfortable in the company of her partner.
  • The victim is haunted by feelings of depression and humiliation.
  • The aggressor is unreasonably jealous of his chosen one for other men, and also controls all financial expenses.

If you notice at least a few of the listed signs in your family, then urgently deal with them and do not hesitate to seek help to solve this problem.

What to do if psychological abuse is present?

Psychological violence in the family against a woman is not uncommon. Experts advise to abandon relationships in which there is an emotional impact. Nevertheless, not every woman is ready to take such a decisive step.
In order to stop psychological abuse in a relationship, it is first necessary to recognize that it is present. It is important to recognize the gravity of the situation as early as possible. It is also worth noting that victims often put up with violence and are afraid to tell friends or professionals about it. In no case do not try to justify the actions of the aggressor, because such an act can cause moral or physical injury in the future.

If you decide to completely abandon relationships and communication with an emotional aggressor, then in no case do not respond to his requests to return and promises to change your character. As a rule, tyrants are hard enough to change. They resort to the usual way of communication a few days after the promises. It is for this reason that one should not turn a blind eye to shortcomings and believe in re-education.

A family social services center can help manage the psychological impact. There you can get not only a lot of valuable advice, but also find out how to properly deal with violence from the aggressor.

Why do men resort to emotional abuse?

Many victims try to find out the reason for the psychological impact of the husband. Often they blame themselves. In this case, emotional abuse in the family over a woman will be repeated more and more often. Psychologists note that the first reason why the aggressor resorts to psychological influence is a trauma received in childhood. Most often, tyrants are people with low self-esteem who were humiliated and not supported at a young age.

Sometimes the aggressors in the future married life are those children who were allowed everything and unreasonably praised. Often, those people who have any personality disorders become tyrants.

What is the erroneous opinion of a woman who is subjected to psychological violence?

In almost all cases, violence on the part of a man against a woman begins long before the wedding. Representatives of the weaker sex believe that they can change the character of the chosen one. Unfortunately, most of the time they are wrong.

Many victims are unaware that violence against women is the norm in the family of the aggressor. Often, girls do not dare to break off relations with the chosen one, because they justify him to themselves. That is why the representatives of the weaker sex prefer not to share their problems with strangers and not to seek support from a victim assistance center.

It is no secret that many women endure not only psychological, but also physical violence in the family, because they are afraid to be alone. And the main reason is a misunderstanding of the manifestations of emotional impact.

Can alcohol cause violence against a wife?

Many victims believe that the alcoholic husband commits violent acts unconsciously. Is it so? You can find out this and much more in our article.
Experts believe that alcoholic beverages reduce the ability to control their actions. However, it cannot be argued that the alcoholic husband acts unconsciously. It is known that many aggressors who got rid of addiction and stopped drinking strong drinks continued to use psychological or physical violence against their chosen one after recovery. Experts say that alcoholism only exacerbates the problem.

Physical violence

Physical violence in the family against a woman occurs as often as psychological. It is believed that this type of exposure is the most common. Such violence is characterized by beating or any other act that harms the health of the victim. It occurs in absolutely all countries. Often women do not resort to any action to stop physical abuse. The reasons for this phenomenon include the reluctance to be left without a chosen one, to become a single mother, as well as dependence on the aggressor.

Where to go for help in case of domestic violence?

You can often hear the well-known phrase: It is by no means possible to live by this principle. If you are being physically or psychologically abused, look for ways to resolve the problem as a matter of urgency. Don't try to put up with her. For support and assistance, you can contact the following authorities: the nearest police station; international center for the protection of women's rights; Family Affairs Department.

In the listed organizations, you will need to write a written application indicating all the details. You can also contact special psychological or training centers. It is there that you can not only get help and become a more determined person, but also learn how to cope with someone else's aggression.

Is it necessary to remove the beatings?

In the event that you do not support the proverb: "He beats, it means he loves" and you want the offender to be punished, then the following information is for you. If you plan to write to your husband, then you must remove the beatings without fail. To do this, you need to go to the emergency room. It is important that doctors not only record abrasions or wounds, but also make a note in the certificate that this was done by a loved one.

Despite the feeling of embarrassment or shame, it is necessary to show all the injuries inflicted. Be sure to make sure that the doctor accurately records the nature of the damage, their location and size. In no case do not say that these injuries arose by chance for domestic reasons. After that, it is almost impossible to prove the guilt of the aggressor.

3 phases of violence

The situation when a husband beats his wife happens in many families. The first phase of violence is tension. Outbreaks of aggression in this case occur infrequently. As a rule, women try to behave calmly in such a situation and smooth out the conflict. Both partners try to justify their actions. This phase can last from a few days to decades. At this stage, women most often seek specialized help.


Acute violence is the second phase. Emotional outbursts in the aggressor are repeated much more often. This phase lasts from several hours to days. After what happened, the tyrant asks for forgiveness and promises that violent acts will not be repeated. At this stage, women do not seek support, but write a statement to the police in order to punish the offender.

The third phase of violence is the so-called honeymoon. During this period, the man repents of his deed and fulfills any requests of his wife. This phase does not last long. After it ends, everything repeats again.

sexual abuse

In the family, in addition to physical and psychological, there is also sexual influence. Women who experience domestic violence feel humiliated, weak and worthless. A sign of sexual exposure is coercion to intimacy or humiliation during intercourse. The aggressor becomes a man who feels the superiority of his wife. During intimacy, he tries to prove otherwise. Children are also often subjected to sexual violence. In adulthood, they develop complexes and dislike for men. In most cases, they do not tell anyone about their problem.

Reminder for women

Absolutely any violence can threaten not only the general emotional background of a woman, but also her life. It is known that about 50% of women who enter medical institutions have suffered from violence. Social workers have developed rules that every woman of the weaker sex should know. They recommend having a serious talk with the aggressor when he is in a calm state. It is important not to be afraid and not to hide the injuries inflicted from him. You also need to talk to your neighbors. Ask them to immediately call law enforcement if screams come from your apartment. Just in case, keep documents, money in a separate place, and also think about who can provide temporary shelter in case of aggression from the husband. In no case be afraid and do not be shy. The sooner the victim turns to a specialist for help, the greater the chance that the marriage will be saved. Remember! Any violence leaves an imprint not only on the female, but also on the child's psyche. That is why it is necessary to deal with it at the first manifestations.

Summing up

Almost everyone in the environment has a family in which the husband beats his wife. Unfortunately, many women do not want to talk about their relationship problems with a partner. It is for this reason that domestic violence reaches a critical point. We strongly recommend that you contact a specialist after the first manifestations of aggression from the husband. Be happy!

What is family violence?

This is a regularly repeated situation with the use of physical force or power by one family member against another (or others) who did not give consent to this. It is regularity that distinguishes domestic violence from a one-time conflict or quarrel: a similar scenario is repeated two or more times, and over time this regularity becomes cyclical.

For a long time, family violence was considered exclusively physical - “if it hits.” Now these types of violence also include:

emotional abuse(psychological, moral) - the behavior of a partner, containing negative ways of psychological influence and leading to a deterioration in the psychological state of the one to whom it is directed. For example, undermining self-esteem and self-respect, intimidation, threats, blackmail, restriction of important psychological needs, bullying.

sexual abuse- coercion to sexual contact or actions of a sexual nature, the use of another person's sexuality for their own purposes: rape and attempted rape, harassment, any unwanted touches or actions.

financial violence- use without permission or abuse of the economic and material resources of a couple / spouse: limiting or prohibiting spending, requiring a report, preventing the ability to earn money, squandering common money, damage to the property of a partner.

Typical Scenario family violence is usually not limited to just one of the four options listed. All (or almost all) species are usually present in varying proportions. In addition, the actual violence does not begin at all from the moment of the first blow or scream, but much earlier: with almost imperceptible changes in the behavior of the partner, gradually penetrating into all spheres of family life. Therefore, modern researchers use a relatively new term - "violent relationship." Such relationships have specific signs that make it clear that violence has already begun - even before the first real catastrophe.

Signs of an abusive relationship

1. You pay more attention to the needs of your partner than your own, sacrificing something important for yourself for the sake of a relationship or a calm family climate.

2. You often or constantly remain passive in situations that are dangerous or humiliating to your dignity and which are initiated by a partner.

3. Your partner tries to limit you in something or expresses dissatisfaction with certain aspects of your life.

4. You often or constantly change your behavior to avoid a negative reaction from your partner.

5. You often or constantly feel fear of your partner, even if he does nothing "such"

6. Your partner (or your relationship) has two clearly distinguishable phases - "good" and "bad".

7. A partner controls or tries to control your life: for example, tells you what to do, how to dress, where to go, etc.

8. You hold back emotions most of the time and for some reason can't tell your partner how you really feel (especially negative emotions).

This is only a small and incomplete list of signs that allows you to see some "bells" and the prerequisites for the fact that in the future violence can reach a much larger scale. Unfortunately, in society (especially in a patriarchal one, which is ours), there is an opinion that some of these phenomena are normal and even correct for healthy family relationships. The idea of ​​a woman's family role, according to this point of view, is associated with humility, adjustment to a man, lack of voting rights, emotional service, and various restrictions. Therefore, even women with perfectly healthy boundaries, who have no experience of violence in childhood or in past relationships, can fall into such a trap if they try to follow social stereotypes.

Over time, recurring episodes add up to a certain cycle:

    Rising tension. Quarrels become more frequent, dissatisfaction with each other increases. During this period, the aggressor begins to lose his temper more often, and the victim feels fear.

    episode of violence. The outbreak or peak of a conflict in which violence occurs, beating.

    Reconciliation. In fact, this is not true reconciliation, although the aggressor may feel guilty. However, he usually tries to shift the responsibility to the victim, to rationalize and justify the use of violence, to convince family members of their wrong.

    Honeymoon. Quiet period: The aggressor, driven by guilt, remorse, or simply satisfaction, behaves peacefully and even sweetly, showing concern for the victim. However, it is not enough for a long time, and this phase gradually passes into phase 1.

    Why don't they leave?

    As a rule, the victim does not leave because she:

    Completely financially and emotionally dependent on the aggressor.

    I am sure that she will not find support and help anywhere, that her relatives and friends will not understand (which often becomes true against the backdrop of the accepted practice of blaming the victim, the idea of ​​“she is to blame”).

    She is afraid that the aggressor will find her and the children, beat her, kill her, "make it even worse."

    Sincerely believes that the aggressor will ever change.

    He thinks that what is happening is the norm, and no other scenario for the development of events can exist.

    He blames himself for what is happening, has low self-esteem and a formed “victim complex”.

    I am sure that I must endure everything for the sake of children and the preservation of the family.

    Captivated by the idea of ​​"saving" the aggressor and pities him.

    And it's true: very often, victims of domestic violence remain in these destructive relationships without doing anything radical, even if the environment is ready to help them. Therefore, in discussions on this problem, conjectures and conjectures bloom wildly: either women really like it, how their family life is going, or they want attention, and not at all a change in the situation.

    In fact, the reasons for such passive behavior of the victims are quite prosaic. One additional reason why women remain in abusive relationships is that the topic has become so mythical. Many of them are based on the so-called folk wisdom - some rules that may have been relevant once upon a time, half a century, a century or more years ago, but in modern conditions they no longer correspond to reality, and are simply dangerous.

    It's Wrong: Top Misconceptions About Domestic Violence

    Myth 1: Violence happens because the aggressor does not know how to control anger, is impulsive, mentally ill. If this were the case, most aggressors and rapists would simply beat everyone in a row. But usually they are quite able to control their behavior and are quite correct with colleagues and superiors, with friends and acquaintances. They unbelt only with those who are obviously weaker, who can be subdued. Most of them are mentally healthy, sane, and violence against weaker family members is simply their choice.

    Myth 2: If you behave properly, violence can be avoided. It is very scary to be a victim of violence, on which a storm can fall at any moment. It's so scary that it's hard for a person not involved in it to imagine it. Therefore, various adaptive mechanisms are used: for example, the idea that the aggressor can be somehow controlled through his behavior and manipulation. In fact, of course, it is not the victim who controls the situation at all. Only the aggressor decides when and in what form to carry out violence. The maximum of what the victim is capable of is to deliberately “discharge” the thunderstorm, which is already ripe and looming, and thus avoid anxious expectation. Anyone who wants to release anger will release it with any behavior of the victim.

    Myth 3: The aggressor had a difficult childhood, but it is possible to "save" him with love. Part of the truth is that most aggressors do have a reason for such behavior related to childhood trauma, violence or stress experienced by them. However, not all people after this begin to torment other people - some, on the contrary, want to stay on the "bright side". It is absolutely impossible to change a person who does not want to change himself, even if you persuade him to go to family therapy. And the idea of ​​"salvation" can grow out of codependency, which is a big mistake in an abusive relationship.

    Myth 4: One hit means nothing, he broke, I provoked him. It happens that one-time quarrels with the use of violence really remain one-time, and the episodes do not repeat. But only if both partners recognize the existence of a problem, their share of responsibility for the situation, and are ready to solve it together. But in most cases, one violent fight is followed by another, because violence does not begin with a blow.

    Myth 5: No need to take dirty linen out of the hut, family squabbles are normal, “hitting means he loves.” Such a sacrificial scenario of family relations for a woman — passivity, patience and acceptance of any manifestations of aggression — has been relevant for many centuries, and not only in Russia. Fortunately, times are changing, and today we can definitely say that the presence of violence in the family does not mean the presence of any especially strong and good feelings. The victim has no obligation to remain silent: violence is a criminal offence.

    Myth 6: Violence exists only in asocial families. Statistics refute this: domestic violence occurs with equal frequency in families with high and low levels of income, education, and standard of living. It is not only alcoholics who beat and rape their wives and children, but also professors, employees, military men, doctors, teachers. The real situation with domestic violence in Russia is truly terrible, and of course one would like to think that this horror is happening somewhere outside our social circle. But it's not, it's everywhere.

    Myth 7: Violence is necessary to maintain discipline, to raise children, to calm women's tantrums. This is a rather patriarchal point of view, designed to rationalize and justify violence. Such an argument simultaneously removes responsibility from the aggressors and gives indulgence for any action. But modern research refutes these ideas: children raised in families without violence are more psychologically prosperous, female tantrums disappear altogether in the absence of violence, and discipline turns out to be much less important than the psychological climate in the family.

People also have a poor understanding of the dynamics of events in families in which the husband abuses his wife. Police and prosecutors complain that women, even if they apply to the court, most often take them back. Judges and lawyers, friends and relatives are wondering: "Why doesn't she leave?" Forensic psychologist Lionor E. Walker, Ph.D., author of The Beaten Woman Syndrome, has come to the conclusion, based on observation of hundreds of women who have been abused, that violence cannot be stopped, it can only be left. However, she also points out that many women find it difficult, often impossible, to break off relationships in which they are trapped physically, financially and psychologically.

As in the case of Elizabeth, many husbands who beat their wives do everything to isolate them, make them dependent on themselves, deprive them of contact with relatives and friends, and deprive them of the opportunity to work. If women work, then husbands take into account the time they are at work and spent on the road. In one of Dr. Walker's studies, she mentions a female doctor who worked late for reasons beyond her control and was beaten so badly by her husband that she eventually lost a kidney.

When there are children in the family, a financially dependent woman often faces a choice - to stay and endure beatings or leave, but without children.

Dr. Colter's research has shown that more than half of the men who abuse their wives extend the abuse to their children. There are few mothers who would be willing to leave their children in the hands of a cruel rapist.

In such situations, husbands often threaten to take the children away. "He says to her:
"If you leave, I'll go to court and prove you're a bad mother," and she believes him because he keeps telling her she's a bad mother, says Janice Rench, an abuse counselor and former director of the Cleveland Center for Violence in Crisis in Ohio. - When you hear the same thing day after day, you begin to believe it. Your self-image is distorted."

Often, both the law and society accuse the battered woman of allowing herself to be victimized, playing on the woman's sense of responsibility for the integrity of the marriage and family. "As women, we tend to think that we are in control of our home, our husbands, our children and, if we do things right, everyone around us will be happy," Rench says.

“The rapist often speculates that the woman is accustomed to feeling responsible for her husband’s well-being and to blame herself for abusing her husband. She may make vain attempts to change herself or change him. Typically, cruelty is shown by men who adhere to traditional views on roles men and women, and display behavior that is masculine in their minds.He considers himself the master of his castle and his wife and children as vassals, White notes.-He may even quote passages from the Bible to prove that he has the right to beat his wife.He will also try to justify his cruelty by shifting the blame to the woman."

HOW TO KNOW ABOUT THE HAZARD

Even if at the very beginning of your relationship they appear to be completely charming and loving, in many cases you will be able to find signals by which you can imagine what your life will be like after the honeymoon is over. If you are serious, ask yourself the questions suggested by members of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

In what family did the man you are interested in grow up? Research shows that people raised in homes where they were abused or witnessed abuse are more likely to grow up believing that abuse is normal behavior.
Does he use violence to solve problems? Does he intervene in a fight, maybe he had violent outbursts in the past, is he acting stupid? Maybe the little things in life cause him a violent reaction?

Does he bang on the wall when something bothers him? Maybe he has a bad temper? Is he cruel to animals?

Does he show excessive jealousy, a desire to be the only master? While you may find it flattering to have a man who wants to be with you all the time or always know where you are, it may mean that he wants to control you in everything.

Does he adhere to traditional views on the roles of men and women?
Does he think that a woman's place is at home, where she should serve a man? Does he think that a woman is a second-class person?
- Is he confident enough? Some men try to prove their masculinity with rudeness in order to hide doubts about their abilities.

Is he subject to rapid mood swings and does it depend on your behavior? For example, does he become discouraged if you leave on business, and does he show too strong feelings when you return? Is he very cruel or very kind?

Does he abuse drugs and alcohol? There is a strong link between violence and substance abuse.

Does he expect you to follow his orders or instructions? Does he get angry when you don't, and are you afraid of him?

Were there times when he was rude to you? Were there times when he pushed or hit you? Has he ever used physical force to get you to do what he wants, even if it was just a game? If so, you've already been abused.

Are you afraid of him? If you have already changed something in your life so as not to anger him, you have become a victim of violence and you need help.

SUCH A NICE GUY

"He usually says, 'If you weren't so bad, if you were a good wife, a good mother, I would behave differently,'" Rench continues. "It is often psychological pressure that prevents a woman from leaving her husband. Many begin to believe that they really do not do their job well enough that if they were exemplary wives, the husband would behave differently.

Sometimes a husband who abuses his wife can be a pillar of society, and at home an unruly scoundrel, like John Fedders, an employee of the Stock Exchange and Securities Commission, who resigned after his wife, who lived with him for 17 years , filed for divorce, citing years of physical and moral humiliation and violence as the reason. "The woman starts to think maybe it's her fault because he doesn't act like that with others," White says.

He runs a Scouting group that our son goes to, goes to church every Sunday, he's talked about so well at work, so maybe it's me, she thinks."

Outside observers often lose sight of the fact that husbands who are able to beat their wives do not always show the traits of rapists. Most episodes of violence begin in the "friction phase" described by Dr. Walker in her cyclical theory of violence. Although in most cases there are some signs of an impending outbreak of violence, in the normal state the husband is sweet and attentive and often, after the episode of beating, becomes charming again, asks for forgiveness, repents, showers gifts and makes promises.

"It's hard to believe, but husbands who are cruel to their wives are often really good guys," says Gillespie. make the best impression.These are people who need to control everything and everyone around them.Often they can be amazing lovers and great fathers and, when not angry or aggressive, can be very loving.Women find themselves drawn into such relationships when the good is replaced by the bad A rise is followed by a fall.

MAYBE I'M TOGETHER?

Like many women, Elizabeth forgave her husband's first incident of violence: "He was shocked and frightened more than me. He begged me to forgive him, standing in tears on the steps of the house in front of the neighbors." His remorse gave her hope that he would be the same again, or that she could change him. What she didn't do was get angry at him for what he did. Although she later linked his violent outbursts to drug use. During a short respite, before the episodes of violence turned into a cyclical sequence, Elizabeth wondered: "What did I do that made him change like that?"

“This is often the first reaction,” Gillespie notes. “Or they find extenuating circumstances. It happened, for example, because he lost his job, because he had a disagreement with his boss. He repents. He says that this will not happen again "My husband loves me, I love him, we have children, we have a happy marriage. Many women forgive their husbands beatings for a long time or take the blame."

But worst of all - after countless failed attempts to stop the beatings by trying to be a "good" wife or mother, trying to convince, pity, even hide or run away - a woman may believe that she is not able to change the situation.
Indeed, one study found that women who left their husbands were 75 percent more likely to be killed than those who stayed. "Very often, if a woman is faced with the choice of staying and being beaten or leaving and being killed, the former is more rational," Gillespie said.

It is for this reason that beaten women do not go to the police and do not tell the truth to doctors about how they got injured. A woman who was advised to use a contract killer to get rid of her bullying boyfriend later told the police station that she never sued him, fearing that, on bail, he would come and kill her. "It's like pricking an evil bee with a pin," she said.

In modern society, domestic violence in the family is far from uncommon. The main purpose of violence is to humiliate a person (victim). Let's talk about it?

Violence is a way to assert oneself at the expense of the weakness of another, both physical and psycho-moral. In a healthy family, balance always reigns, relationships are based on mutual assistance and support. Because violence is a sign of a dysfunctional family.

Elements of violence, as a rule, are inherent in weak people. Meanwhile, not every woman will be able to frankly admit to herself that her chosen one is actually a weak person with aggressive inclinations.

And if between you there are several years of married life and growing children? It is difficult to get out of such a situation even for a cold-blooded person. How to be in such cases? How to avoid sadism from the spouse? How can you get rid of domestic violence in the family?

The most common type of domestic violence is mockery of a man over a woman.

As a rule, this is characteristic of those representatives of the male half who are used to keeping life situations under their control. It is precisely they who are afraid to jump from a parachute, fly aerial vehicles, etc. In these cases, nothing depends on them, they are afraid to lose control over what is happening. Therefore, when a man is unable to keep his wife, he uses physical force.

Psychological family violence in the home

A separate section of violence on the part of the spouse is the psychological impact. He can caress his woman, make manipulations that are pleasant for her while saying absolute nasty things. In this case, a man morally destroys a woman, and insults can also concern appearance, which greatly affects women's pride.

It is these men who have a misunderstanding of the topic of "justice", low self-esteem and at the same time a desire to rule. They believe that a man is the head of the family, and, therefore, he can do anything. On the other hand, a thought-form like “I am a man, stronger, a woman is lower than me, so I am doing the right thing, is fair” is possible. This is how domestic violence comes into the family.

If there is violence in your family, the first thing to kill on your nose is never to show that you are afraid.

Find a mental health center in town where experienced psychologists can help you cope with the current situation. Invite your spouse to be apart for a while, to leave. Let the husband live with his parents, a friend, but never leave yourself.

Inform the parents, relatives, friends of the husband about the facts of unfair aggression on his part. Perhaps the environment of the spouse will help "set his brains".

If things get ugly, the best way to protect yourself and your children is to divorce. Breaking up a relationship completely is the last but most powerful way to say no to domestic violence.

How to prevent domestic violence in the family?

Today in Russia, domestic violence is, unfortunately, not uncommon. The situation is similar in other developed countries. For example, in Afghanistan, according to last year's research, the number of acts of aggression in the family increased by more than two thousand. This shocking number continues to rise. How can families be protected from such attacks?

Psychological abuse is the actions of a rapist aimed at humiliating the victim and traumatizing her psycho-emotional state. This includes insults and ridicule, reproaches and outright slander. Abusive husband may not like the way his wife looks: too fat or thin, too cute or unattractive, a bad housewife or mother, etc. Ignoring and prejudiced coldness of feelings is also a kind of psychological attack.

In this case, it is important to isolate children from danger. The help of an experienced psychologist will come in handy: the specialist will be able to explain to the child what is happening in the family in a language he understands, give recommendations to the mother and put the roles of the spouses in their places. The spouse can insult the victim in public, speak badly about relatives and continue to rub salt in the wound. Here it is important to be strong and remember the main thing: protecting the family comes first.

Physical violence, as you might guess, is the use of physical force by the rapist against the victim. At first, this can be intimidating and even just a playful slap. But then, if the victim does not resist, the physical oppression will increase and soon it is quite capable of developing into real beatings. Physical abuse also includes:

  • bans on meetings with relatives, friends;
  • restriction of movement in space (for example, the husband forbids leaving the house by force);
  • acts of violence that are sexual in nature (when a spouse forces one to indulge in lust);
  • coercion to do something using a threat to children, etc.

Relying on your own strength in this case would be a mistake. It is necessary to remove the beatings, write a statement addressed to the district police officer and involve possible witnesses (the same neighbors). If you do not remain a lamb and endure the mockery of the "kitchen boxer", the situation can get a deplorable outcome.

What is the protection of the family in this case? The best option is a final break with the rapist. Leave and not return under any pretext. This is salvation.