So that married couples can effectively communicate and be able to solve problems together, partners need to focus on their respective roles and responsibilities as a listening or talking partner. But since most often a woman acts in the family as an initiator of finding relations, it is she who thinks about a conversation with her husband about problems in relationships. After all, men on many problems seemingly global to us look frivolous.

How to start a dialogue with your husband about relationships

If you want to talk about your husband's relationship, you have several solving problems. One of them is to attack your partner with a list of complaints about the fact that you do not believe it says, actions or something that you do not like in this relationship. Such a line of behavior is likely to lead to the protective reaction of your interlocutor: will protect yourself with mutual reproaches in your direction, or emotionally disconnecting to avoid further criticism and escalation of the conflict.

When the couples face the attack situation, they emotionally react to complaints and critical comments each other. At this point, partners often experience mixed feelings of anger and pain. Moreover, they most likely feel disrespect, which is the cause of mutual poor circulation. In this vicious cycle, there is little goodwill, understanding the thoughts and feelings of each other or willingness to discuss different points of view.

It is wiser to look at another option: abandon the emotional response, take an active position and prepare before starting a conversation with your husband. Before conversation, ask yourself a few questions:

1. Decide that at the moment it is most important for you? Select one topic to discuss. Stick up your topic during a conversation.
2. What is your intention in conversation? Do you want your husband to understand you better? Do you want to feel closer to your partner? Do you apologize? Or do you want to punish your spouse? If you are very upset, you can wait until you calm down and do not think about your intentions.
3. What message do you want to hear from your husband? What do you want him to understand about you?
4. How do you want the husband to feel after conversation? Do you want him to feel closer to you and hoped for a joint future with you? Or do you want your partner to feel guilty, angry or offended?
5. How can you convey your thought? What would be the best way to talk about your problem?

What depends on the effectiveness of the conversation

In any case, if one of the spouses wants to talk about a relationship with his wife or with her husband, he hopes that he will hear and understand. How effective will the conversation, depends on many factors:

1. It is not necessary to start talking about problems in relations with no one with this. Select the appropriate time and place to present your idea to a more efficient way.
2. It is important to tune in to the conversation with my husband. If you expect that the conversation will go bad, it will happen. If you assume that a serious conversation will worsen the situation, it may happen. You must define your expectations from the future conversation and tune in to the positive outcome of the conversation and positive way.
3. You need to know the goal and the reason for finding out the relationship. Do you want to talk to your spouse about a difficult problem in order to better understand the point of view of your spouse about this problem? Do you want to clarify the misunderstanding? Do you need to explain to your spouse in connection with false or offensive behavior? Are you concerned about your level of close to each other and want to be closer to your spouse? If you know exactly what we are waiting for, talking to your husband about certain problems in relationships, the conversation will proceed much easier.
4. It is necessary to prepare for the fact that the conversation will be pretty tense. Get ready for the fact that the spouse does not want or can not understand you. But in this case you do not need to scandal, cry. Try to keep the conversation in a smooth emotional tone.

Methods for solving a complex conversation

With an important conversation with her husband, oratorical abilities are no less important. Correctly chosen words will help smooth the most sharp corners:

1. Do not say "We must say" or "Can we talk?" - Start a conversation with the statement that the topic is complex, emotional or unpleasant. Specify that you know that you have different views, but still you want to discuss it together in order to better understand the further prospects of relationships.
2. Never pronounce words "Always" or "Never."
3. Do not accuse direct text.
4. Prepare an approximate plan for what you want to state. It does not matter, mentally it will be or writing on paper.
5. Support visual contact. It will be fine if the husband sees all emotions on the face and in your eyes you have. Do not assign a look. Watch your hands during a conversation, try not to tear clothes, do not play with hair.
6. No need to operate with complex turns and psychological terms. Speak simply, open, emotionally, but not too.

How to propose a conversation with my husband

Here are some more points that should be considered before sitting with your husband at the negotiating table for the conversation that you are now disturbing:

• use more often the word "I" instead of the word "you". If the conversation is more about you, your husband will easily focus on your words;
• do not attack, do not attack your partner, but better tell about what feelings are currently experiencing and what you think about the topic conversation;
• do not manipulate your husband, for example with sex or tears;
• do not defend;
• tell us about the most important my thoughts.

Do not expect an instant solution to the problem. If the husband wants to comprehend, think about alone with himself, this is normal. The correct decision may not come immediately.

And, of course, the most important condition for communicating with her husband - no need to be shy or fear. What you want to talk to your husband about problems in relationships is already good. This means that you are not indifferent to your collaborative future, your relationship. If the conversation with her husband does not start at all - it interferes with shine, fear or any other complexes - seek help to a family psychotherapist.

How to talk to a guy

How to start a conversation? How to talk with a guy? How to find out the relationship?

All girls or women who meet with a guy or have a serious relationship sooner or later face a problem that is hard and even scared to talk.

This fear is due to different reasons, most often it is:
No desire to swear
Afraid to lose, expressing his position,
Fear to be humiliated
The fear of being not heard or, even worse, misunderstood,
Fear offend and lose your beloved.

We will not take situations in which a woman is afraid of beatings and threats from a man, since this topic should be considered separately and methods in such situations others.
To all other cases, this article will suit our website Love-911 will tell you how to start a conversation, how to talk to a guy that you are worried about how to build a conversation most constructively and make it useful and successful.
And, as you know, a successful conversation one in which both partners were able to listen, hear each other and take the partner's position.

What you have to be ready when talking.

I would like to notice that to take the position of the partner does not mean to make it my own, it means only what he understands this position and is ready to think about it.
Psychology is such that he originally has a certain position, beliefs, priorities, in one word, a look at life. And any other points of view, not consonant with his glances will turn them away.
Thus, it is necessary to initially be ready for the fact that in order to build a constructive conversation, you need to keep yourself in your hands and understand that your position even if it is right, it's only your position that you want to tell your boyfriend.

So that the guy wants to change his position, he must want to do it - "The only way to encourage someone to do what you need is to make another person want to do it. There is no other way. "(Dale Carnegie)
And for this you need it to want to do it, without your pressure. And for this you need to be able to correctly build a conversation, given the psychology of a man and a particular person.

It is important and what you want to talk to a guy. After all, there are situations in which it is necessary not just to convey the information to a loved one, most often, these are situations in which it is necessary for him to revise his views and only then relationships will be able to continue.

And here, many nuances arise, affecting the perception and the desire to talk from your guy. It is likely that it will be very difficult to correctly build a conversation, so the specialist's help in such a matter is simply necessary.
Knowing your situation, we can say how to talk to a guy correctly to not lose it. Specialists of our service will develop for you personal recommendations in which they will describe in detail how it is necessary to act in order not to lose your loved one and change the situation in your favor.

How to talk with a guy.

1. There is always the most difficult thing in a conversation. That is why it is necessary to prepare for this, the beginning.
We will not advise, wait for a good mood. Waiting for a good mood at your beloved good only when you want something to ask him, but if you want to talk to him seriously, you need to wait for no good mood, but neutral.
Since unpleasant information in contrast with a good mood, can cause a mass of additionally negative emotions and aggression is stronger than this could be expected.
If the guy has a bad mood, too, do not speak, because if a person has a bad mood, it means that it is bothering certain problems and adding more problems can simply prevent their normal perception. And so enhanced irritability, oil shakes in the fire.

2. Start a conversation worth it exactly to what you want to talk.
Starting the conversation, say it is not in the form of "you", but in the form "We" and "I"
That is, for example, not "you are not right", but "I feel bad from what is happening in our relationship", "I feel bad without you" and so on.

3. Be sure to praise it, "You're the best and you would be the happiest if ...."
To the conversation was successful, it is necessary not only to convey to the partner negative moments, but also show, good positive parties. So he will not feel humiliated or insulted.
The main thing is to remember that you are not on the duel and here it is not solved who will win - your goal that the partner heard you and take your position.

4. Let me express your point of view to your partner, do not forget that his point of view should also be treated with your part.

5. Remember that immediately wait for the result from the conversation, it is impossible to think about any problem. That is why at the end of the conversation, let us understand that you will think about it in words, and ask him to think about your, in order to return to the conversation later.
When you do not do this, and pretend that the conversation is over, the return to the conversation you both cause only irritation, but it will be necessary to return to the conversation in any case, sooner or later, since the situation is not settled, which means there will be a relationship .

So we discussed the highlights that need to be observed if you want to talk to a guy, but do not decide. It is clear that every situation is individual and one template cannot be salvation for all occasions, so our specialists are always ready to help you in case of such a need, and if you feel that it is hard to cope with you.

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The attitude between a man and a woman, a guy and a girl is not a simple thing. Sometimes, even very complicated. Any relations begin at first glance, from the first smile, from the first words. Roman twisted, the candidate-bought period comes. Days of lovers flow in harmony, love and mutual understanding. But as everyone knows, in any, even the very harmonious relations for replacing romance comes the next stage - the moment of misunderstanding, offended and litter. It seems that the crowded vase of feelings, gave a crack, everything is good forgotten, and young people begin to notice the shortcomings of each other. Today we consider how to talk about the relationships that rushes.

If you are in twenty, to start, ask yourself a question: "Is it worth gluing a broken vase, if sooner or later water flies again from the crack? How much do you want to save relationships with this guy? Why do you need it? ".

How to talk with a guy about relationships?

Many people say that they cannot live without their lover, in a gust of despair to keep her beloved next, make stupid, rampant deeds. If you want to save your relationship, find out and eliminate the cause of the contention. To do this, sit down at the negotiating table. Only in the conversation is born truth, and inexpensive leads to insults and misunderstanding.

Having met in the evening on the next date, it is desirable that this was a quiet place, where the unnecessary public will be absent, and no one will hurt you, feel free to start a conversation. It is advisable not to use phrases like "We need to seriously talk to you" or "Our feelings went into a dead end, let's decide something."

Think out, find a soft approach to your beloved, do not press it on it, men scratching it and run away ahead of time. But we have another goal, we want to be close to this person, so show flexibility and trick.

Start, for example, your conversation is: "Cute, lately we began to quarrel so often. Remember, before everything was different, let's lead to your wonderful time. Let's not hide anything, tell me to each other that it does not suit us, and we will try to change, only so we can save our relationship. "

Shouting and arranging should not be hysteria, as to prove your right thing. Give him the opportunity to speak out, do not interrupt it, ask questions you are interested in. Try to understand and put yourself in his place. Analyze the situation, find compromises.

If during the conversation you realized that your feelings were cooled, you need to give rest, to understand whether you need each other. Will you be bored in separation, or even remember your second half, time will tell. As for that, if you did, you may not doubt. It is better to put a point in time than all my life stamped commas.

How to talk with a guy about relationships, if you still teenagers?

Experience and wisdom come over the years. It is very difficult for youthful relationships, hormones will be buried and you want to scream about your love for the whole world. And when something adds not as much as I would like, the end of the world comes for lovers.

Talk with a guy if he is your one year old, and it is difficult to achieve the desired result. At this age, guys the wind walks in the head, the girls are developing faster and more serious about everything. Therefore, psychologists advise you to meet with older guys, two years.

The conversation with the guy of your age is better to lead on the youth slang, without acknowledged phrases, so it will be clearer what you achieve. When the guy in all troubles blame you, think about it, no, not above your behavior, and how much you value you and do you need him at all.

Both should work on the creation of strong bonds. When one leather partner is climbing to be together, this is not a relationship, but an empty spending time. We are given a language in order for us to talk, and not mocked. Therefore, you should not be afraid of conversations, to suffer from subsequent moments and rolling yourself in everything. If he loves - I will understand, but does not like - leaves. Think about, perhaps trying to save broken relationships, you lose the chance to meet the only one who will understand you without words, from one glance, and take what you have.

Cute girls, remember one simple theorem: "The smaller the boy we love, the more like him." Why many say: "How can you live with such a bitch?" Or "such a good girl can do everything, why did he throw it?". After holding a survey among men, found out that soup every day is bored, I want to borscht. Or some simply say that they are too sweet, even to illuminate that everything is served by a girl on a saucer with a blue car.

Girls, a man should seek you, not you! The man is a predator, the instinct of the conqueror wakes up in it. Help him reveal, remember that the woman should be fragile, tender and charming, and then you will be worn.

Video on the topic

It is believed that a brought up man should never increase the votes and behave extremely kindly and delicately. But restraint sooner or later leads to the fact that many unsolved problems arise from which psychological disorders and stress begin. Therefore, it is still necessary to solve problems.

First you need to take control of your aggressiveness, learn how to calm down, and not speak sneaking. Learn to say "this topic is unpleasant to me," "I am annoying it" and the like.

It is necessary to find out the relationship without insults and high tones. It is necessary to make the interlocutor understand that you have negative emotions.

If you can't keep your anger under control - retire, brush the newspaper, scatter a cheap glass - so you spill your irritation and will become calmer.

Observe why the problem arose

Think about why it is annoying you. If you can not calmly communicate with a person - it means that he is unpleasant you. The meaning of further communication? Spit nerves?

Scandal is the most recent thing. It is always possible to have time, but it is important for us to find out the relationship, and not to quarrel, so? The main thing is to think that you can do so that such a problem does not arise. If you are annoying that your partner does nothing around the house, you can easily explain that you cannot do everything yourself.

For example, you are tired of removing clothes from the chair several times a day. So you can just say "could you remove your things into the closet, and not hang on the chair," and not "how much it can continue, I'm tired of it!"

If you do notice to you, do not argue, but try to correct. Scandals lead to the destruction of relationships, so if you want to save them, treat with respect to the partner.

Find out the relationship calm

If there is a problem and you got up before the question, how to find out the relationship, discuss calmly, without hysterics and screams. As a result, everyone will hear only themselves, and everything will go into the scandal. Offer to calmly talk, discuss the cause of discontent. Test reasonable arguments, and not just "I so want."

Learn to search for compromises. You extremely clearly voicate your desires and claims - after all, your partner is not clairvoyant, and the words "when it is over" may simply do not understand - what are we talking about?

Now you know how to disassemble relationships, so as not to offend the partner and do not turn it all into the scandal and breaking relationships. First of all, resperate each other. Of course, from the first time to follow these tips. You are unlikely to succeed, but try to follow yourself - over time it will go into the habit.

How to talk about your relationship?

Despite the fact that it is the guys who are considered more decisive and bold than the ladies, for some reason they are exactly the courage and soothing such a conversation. Maybe because their subtle perception and sensitivity causes them to take a timely time, not to turn "later" in "Never." Take a conversation, not easy, but necessary, so we decided to give you some tips.

Raise the topic calmly, you need to find out the relationship, and not turn a simple conversation into the scandal, because the haze can be blunting a lot too much and tell about what you really do not think at all. Hurry easy, but it is much harder to achieve forgiveness.

Tell your half that you feel about it, as you assess your current relationship and what would you like from them in the future. But you should not overdo it, it is very easy to easily scare a person, starting such a conversation. Do not speak only about yourself, because all this you started not in order to lay out you have accumulated in your soul, but to learn and his opinion on this issue.

To continue the conversation, only if you have noticed the interest of half to this topic, otherwise it is better to stop in order not to turn the conversation into a quarrel.

If you are afraid to call a partner, before talking to him, try to work on the tone and intonation of your voice. The lack of reproaches and a pleasant timbre will be made to be polite and soft.

If you are not satisfied with the point expressed by your half the point of view, you do not need to start panic and with the foam at the mouth to prove its right point. Try to show it for the cons of his theory and dignity of your version.

It will not hurt at all quickly to go through the moments from your life, which means a lot for you and emphasize the importance of helping each other in overcoming any difficulties of life.

Everyone should understand that the ability to talk about relationships is the foundation of any relationship. And it is not even important to say, and when to do it, that the conversation was timely and brought its fruits.

Nothing eternally, and the relationship, unfortunately too. Time often postpones the imprint on any, even the strongest relationships. Over time, all feelings are dulled, the past passion disappears and everything goes to a logical conclusion. However, so that this can be avoided, you need to know how to maintain relationships and thereby prevent the break.

The first thing to start the conversation is to get the support of your second half. You must do everything together, including strengthening your relationship. After all, the attitude is the hard work of two people, and not one.

The most terrible situation is when someone is trying to work on relationships, solve problems and make a variety, and the second partner simply does not see any problems and is not going to change anything. Therefore, there is no way to do without an open and difficult conversation and it is best to prepare to him in advance.

Where to start a conversation?

Start with a simple conversation, tell me what you worry, and tell us about the subject of your concern. Try to calm down, say slowly and calmly, do not express the claim, do not blame anyone and do not rude.

Otherwise, your half simply does not want to listen to you. Try to calmly talk about relationships, explain that you value these relationships and do not want to lose your love.

Only after the positive attitude of your second half go to the next step - justification of your anxiety. Try without the manifestation of aggression, carefully lay out all your claims.

Perhaps you are not satisfied with some bad habits, or you have become a little time to spend together, or your sexual life has ceased to be so rich and stormy as before. It does not matter what exactly the cause of your anxiety was, but try to put it very carefully to your partner.

Try to talk with your boyfriend about the relationship productively: together to understand what caused changes in your relationship, and say that if you don't change something in relationships, you will sooner or later part. The most important problem is not understanding. Try to reach your partner, argue your conclusions.

The next step of this conversation will be the statement of claims of your partner. Many are trying to avoid this part of the conversation, however if your goal is to save these relationships, then you will definitely need to find out than your partner is unhappy.

Try calmly, carefully and until the very end to listen to all claims and the requirements of your partner, i.e. Talk about relationships so as not only to be the heard side, but also hear. A frank conversation about relationships will help you deal with the causes of concerns and make a claim, and this will definitely make your relationship stronger and stronger.

Question psychologist

Hello!
At first I want to say that tomorrow in my life the day will come, from which it will be very much for me to depend. I really need that someone from outside and experienced gives me advice. I am 18 years old and 2 years ago I met a man who was older for 20 years older than me and recently I realized that I fell in love with him. My former coach was not married and not when I was not and with him a very specific relationship. In general, we are very close to him, and over the past year they got even more and recently, I decided to admit to him in his feelings (it was 3 months ago). He then listened very carefully and said that at this stage is not ready to meet with me and identified several reasons (we are in different life stages; I am dependent on parents; he wants to have children, in the next 2-3 years, and I just studied for 5 years). Well, okay, we talked to him then, but still continued to see almost every day and as for me, our relationship was even much closer. And now, two days ago, I had to meet with a friend after training, go far and he suggested that he had to have breakfast, and then go to the meeting. We did it and here the girlfriend calls, and says that he will not be able to come. As a result, he suggested to stay with him, we looked at the movie, and then fell asleep in an embrace. Already in the evening, we began to play cards and he asked I want to kiss him. At first he kissed me himself, and then I lost the desire and he wanted to kiss with me again. After I went home, I just think about it and I do not understand anything. Tomorrow we meet him to talk about it, and I need a council how to talk to him about the further development of relations? Because we have already reached the stage when we are no longer just friends, but not meet. It seems to me, since he wanted to kiss, then he feels feelings for me, and I myself always think only about him. Day x Tomorrow, please help.

Irina, you need to talk directly and simple. Ask, what kind of relationship he wants, and what are his plans for life at all. Just think in advance for yourself, what are you ready? Light romantic relationships or family? He explicitly pointed to you that he likes, pleasant, he experiences an attraction to you, but at the same time he would like a more adult life companion - not against age, but more independent and independent. Show what you understand this, and find out that then he would like to with you. But first decide on yourself that you can give each other. Would you like a relationship with an adult man? The difference of interests, life stages, the different state of the soul - all this, seasoned by mutual love, can lead to a passionate novel, but for a serious relationship requires common values \u200b\u200band meanings. What do you want from him? You need to start with a question yourself.

Golysheva Evgenia Andreevna, Psychologist Moscow

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Hello Irina!
Indeed, first of all, it is worth samoa decide what do you want And what you will agree. You do not need to take one decision immediately for life, but it is important to decide what will come to you nowAnd what options are unacceptable for you. Be careful here to yourself, try to take care of what is comfortable for you, and what causes not very pleasant experiences.

After you have determined what is important to you, it is worth thinking somewhat different potentially possible situations and your actions In each of them.
For example, will the situation suit you if it is of interest to concern first of all sexual relationships or will it be not enough? What do you tell him if this happens?
Does you satisfy you if he proposes to forget about what happened and stay in friendship? What will you do in this case?
Or will you suit you if he, for example, will suggest you try to build a serious relationship with working together and children in perspective? How do you answer if it comes to this and about your readiness for this?
And yet before raising the development of relationships, think what you would like to understand from this particular conversationWhat is his goal? Then you yourself will be clearer, how to build a conversation so that you really get answers to your questions.
For example, you may ask what happened it means for him and how he himself sees the further development of relationships - if you want to know his opinion and plans for this.
Respectfully,

Lesain Polina Aleksandrovna, psychologist in St. Petersburg, full-time Skype.

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Hello Irina!

You like your former coach. But your life goals are now different, and without common goals, it is impossible to build happy relationships. "Testing a feeling" and "want to build relationships" - often different things.

This man voiced his goals and doubts.

we are in different life stages; I am dependent on parents; He wants to have children, in the next 2-3 years, and I have just been studying for 5 years

Based on this. He needs a different woman who wants the same as he, and is at the same stage of psychological gravestia.

Realize. What do you want, and tell him about it. Something can only work if you can find what unites you (except for mutual feeling), and understand. As the needs of everyone will be satisfied in this relationship. Esi one of you will instruct your needs for the other, then dissatisfaction will be copied, which sooner or later will break through.

Also, it is worth understanding why you attracted a man for 20 years older. Perhaps in a relationship with him you want to surrender what they did not get from the dad, and for your love is worth the longing for paternal love.

If you need help, contact. You can work on Skype.

Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, psychologist-consultant, St. Petersburg

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