How to take compliments the right way. How to make a person pleasant with the help of a successful compliment. What prevents you from enjoying praise
There is no person in the world who does not like to receive compliments. On the other hand, when it comes to reciprocating praise, many of us start to get lost and blush. How to make sure that your compliment is not regarded by others as undisguised flattery? How to make others glow with happiness? How to learn to speak kind words from the heart? Take a look at our strategy.
Sincerity is the key to success
All the best compliments are not homemade. They are born spontaneously and may be a projection of your admiration for someone. In order to use sincerity in the formation of pleasant phrases, you need to learn to see something good in other people. For example, the phrase "You have great hair" would be seen as banal and superficial and indicates that observation is not your strong point. An authentic compliment looks believable because it reflects your sincere surprise. Put warmth and sincere surprise (admiration) into words, do not forget about a smile. 
Find out what motivates a person
People like to receive compliments not for their appearance, but for their achievements. Therefore, if you know a little about the hobbies of the interlocutor, you will be able to focus on important points. And here's another hint. Do not be afraid to ask a person about his motives, about the feelings that he experiences when he is carried away by his favorite pastime. Emphasize that you, too, dream of finding your calling in life. 
Emphasis on personal qualities
People also like it when you focus their attention on personal qualities, and not on acquired talents. For example, appreciating kindness, thoughtfulness, caring, or fearlessness will always outweigh praise for doing a good job on a project or appreciating another creative idea. Therefore, refuse words of admiration for the impressive client base of a colleague. Instead, compliment her friendliness and sociability. 
Connection at multiple levels
Compliments to appearance are too superficial and on duty. Praise for performance is typical for bosses who motivate their subordinates to new achievements. Try to see a person from all sides, highlighting in him a true personality with its own unique virtues. 
A little specifics
General compliments can only work for an unfamiliar person, as another way to strengthen communication. If you don't want to be labeled a hypocrite, highlight a specific detail. When you're praising a arrangement made by a florist at a flower shop, ditch the words "beautiful bouquet." This will not reflect the labor that went into creating your order. Instead, say something like, “You used so many textures in the same color palette. This is amazing work!" Thus, the master will see that you really appreciate his work. 
Use compliments with questions
The following technique will help you avoid awkward silence after your praise. Try to end your compliment with a question, and this will allow you to continue communication in the same casual manner. For example, instead of telling a woman, "Your hair is amazing," ask her what styling products she uses. This shows that you not only highly appreciate the person’s appearance, but also strive to get important advice from him. 
Let go of the hidden meaning
A compliment will be regarded as sincere if the one who utters these words is not interested in obtaining personal gain. When you say your phrase, make sure that the person to whom it is intended understands it correctly. Do not strive to repeat the same words, get rid of a forced smile and falseness. Instead, use sincerity, respect, and arm yourself with the motto "less is more." 
Emphasis on inner beauty
When you notice the light that comes from a person, it is valued much more than banal phrases directed at appearance. Although praising physical appearance greatly increases the other person's self-esteem, focus on inner self-awareness and character.
Be an analyst for a while and connect personality traits, efforts made, and accomplishments.
It seems that it is difficult to listen to pleasant things from others? But as it turned out, you need to be able to accept compliments in your address. We will tell you how to properly respond to praise!
What NOT to do?
When they say something pleasant to you, for example, they notice that today you have a very good haircut, you should not answer something from the category: “What are you, I did it in three minutes. I didn’t try at all, ”especially if you actually stood for a good hour in front of the mirror and were delighted with your hairstyle yourself. So, as a rule, people who are insecure react. At the same time, they blush, look away. And if embarrassment can even be very sweet, then the statement that your efforts are some kind of trifle can confuse the person who compliments you.
Or, for example, the answer "You too" to a compliment can make your interlocutor think that he did something wrong. Or copying a compliment in the answer. For example: “You have very beautiful eyes” - “Thank you, you also have beautiful eyes” - this can even be perceived as irony, although in fact you did not want to offend anyone.
How to accept compliments?
1. Smile back. Accept compliments with a sweet smile, and instead of responding with something critical of yourself, say, "Thank you, I'm very pleased." You can make a return compliment, but without copying your interlocutor.
2. Look into the eyes. So the person who is talking to you will understand that you are open, that you hear him, that your attention is focused on him. If you start to lower your gaze or look away, the interlocutor will get the impression that you are not comfortable with his company.
3. Enjoy the compliment. Despite the fact that sometimes life makes you be wary of people, try to stop looking for some kind of catch in a good treatment for you. It's not always the person who wants to benefit from saying nice things to you. Appreciate yourself and realize that if they tell you that you are a very beautiful woman, then you are!
4. Do not invent anything for the interlocutor. Think of a compliment as simply an indication that you did a good job. Do not invent, look for reasons why you were praised. Don't burden yourself with an extra headache. All the same, what you will assume will remain only your assumptions.
5. If you see that you are openly flattered, you can just politely say "You overestimate me." Of course, flattery is clearly not one of the pleasant forms of praise, since it is not sincere. Therefore, you are not obliged to answer it with all cordiality. But rudeness should also be avoided.
6. Don't ask for compliments. Sometimes it even looks too unacceptable and arrogant. Also, if you “beg” for a compliment, will it be sincere? Unlikely. It will simply be inconvenient for a person to evade your hints and he will consider it necessary to say what you want to hear in order to stop all this. Do you need such praise?
7. Don't be rude when receiving a compliment. For example, you and your opponent are not on very good terms. Or before he offended you with something, but now he comes up and sincerely notices that you look great. You should not throw at it something from the category: “Really? Are you taking civility lessons now?" If you have claims or grievances against the interlocutor, it is better to talk about them not under such conditions.
Are you embarrassed when someone compliments you? Do you feel like you don't deserve any praise? Do you want to say something justifying in order to diminish your merits? If the answers to the above questions are yes, it means that you do not know how to properly accept compliments.
This fact may be due to low self-esteem, or the fact that you do not believe in the sincerity of a compliment, or are afraid to be in the spotlight, and fear that you are being manipulated. But by accepting a compliment incorrectly, you can thereby offend the person who decided to give it to you.
Marina, bank employee, 29 years old: “90% of people I know answer a compliment: “No, no, it’s not about me ...” It even becomes somehow offensive, I noticed something good, told a person about it, and he begins to refuse or justify himself.
On the other hand, people who pompously respond to praise, “Yes, I am. This compliment did not reveal anything new to me, ”also do not cause much respect.
So how to respond to compliments correctly, so as not to belittle your dignity, and not offend your interlocutor?
Remember how children emotionally react to praise, how they rejoice at it, how proud they are, begin to clarify and ask to repeat pleasant words, because compliments motivate them to new achievements.
These emotions are so pure, so sincere, that you want to praise the baby on occasion again and again. Of course, this does not mean that you need to respond just as violently to compliments in adulthood, but it is worth learning from children about openness in this matter.
The ideal response to a compliment is a sincere smile (not a grin!) And restrained words of gratitude: “Thank you”, “Thank you”. In some cases, a more open response may be appropriate: “Really, did you notice? So glad. Thank you!". Moreover, if the interlocutor is not interested in the details of the subject of the compliment, you should not start sharing them.
For example, in response to a compliment from a colleague: “Very nice color of the shirt, one of my favorites,” you should not indulge in explanations: “Yes, it’s not new. Bought a hundred years ago in a vintage shop. Yesterday I was just sorting through the clothes in the closet and accidentally stumbled upon it. You know, the smell was still the same! It sounds, of course, funny, but in most cases we, without noticing it, respond to compliments in a similar way. Think about how the person on whom you splash all this feels at this moment? Agree that in the case described above, it would be much more appropriate to just smile affably and thank a colleague for the nice words addressed to you.
And, of course, one should not frantically look for a response compliment in the spirit of such praise in the spirit: “You also look nothing today. White color refreshes you. Such phrases sound quite insincere. It is better to reward the interlocutor with a compliment another time, when the right opportunity turns up.
Interesting fact. Did you know that by generously giving compliments to others, you save yourself from such a harmful feeling as envy.
If it seems to you that the compliment addressed to you is clearly exaggerated, still do not refuse it. Think about the fact that the person who makes it to you has the right to their own subjective opinion, and it may be different from yours. So why not take this compliment? Especially since it's in your favor.
But asking for compliments is already a bad form. Consider that the color of your dress, which you think is trendy, may not suit you at all. The surrounding people will correctly keep silent about this, but your phrase “Well, how do you like my new dress?” can put them in a difficult position. They will have to quickly make a choice between lying or the prospect of offending you. So it's better to wait for praise than to ask for it.
Also remember that many people experience psychological awkwardness while receiving a compliment. To help a person correctly and comfortably accept your compliment, supplement it with a verbal “bridge”: “What a beautiful shirt color you have! Where did you buy this one?" Thus, your interlocutor will be pleased with your words, and at the same time he will not feel discomfort, since you yourself asked him the direction of the answer.
When we accept compliments, we balance between letting it pass our ears and turning our noses up too much at the praise we receive. As in any business, here it is worth sticking to the golden mean.
You have the right to enjoy compliments and deserve them, and the people who give them have the right to evaluate your achievements and speak out about it!
Each of us wants to receive compliments, and not only from members of the opposite sex who admire our beauty, but also from girlfriends, friends, boss, etc. However, only a few can boast of the ability to receive compliments correctly, most women are embarrassed, blush, begin to make excuses: "No, what are you, I'm just lucky" or "It's all a dress, it hides those extra pounds." Needless to say, such an approach does not make anyone happy at all: neither the giving nor the receiving side. Therefore, it is very important to understand why you are so embarrassed by someone's positive feedback and why you cannot answer a simple “thank you” with your head held high and a charming smile.
It would seem that gifts, walks under the moon and compliments are just tinsel. A real man is not measured by the carats of diamonds that he presents to his beloved. A man with a capital letter is reliable, strong, honest, and everything else is nonsense in vegetable oil. However, no matter how many girls convince themselves that pleasant words are spoken only by those who are not capable of serious deeds, each of them secretly dreams of turning the heads of the opposite sex and hearing myriads of compliments addressed to her. This is how we see success with men: a stranger falls in love with us at first sight and, without false embarrassment, begins to praise everything that he likes so much: “Your eyes are like bottomless lakes, it seems to me that I can drown in them. You are so attractive that I no longer remember where I was going. I don't think I've ever seen anyone more beautiful than you." Could anything be more enjoyable? We are thrilled, embarrassed and ... do not know what to answer. All words of gratitude seem to disappear from the lexicon, questions are spinning in my head: “Is this all for me? Maybe he got confused? Not so beautiful eyes, quite normal. I have never been attractive: last week my boyfriend ran away from me. And around hundreds of women more beautiful than me. This is probably a mistake. Or bullying. That's right, he argued with someone! And that's it - the magic of the compliment is lost, and the stranger seems to be just a "decoy".
With such an attitude towards the pleasant words that someone says to you, you will never learn to appreciate yourself. Someone's praise will always seem like a mockery, a mistake or a misunderstanding.
You will think that you did not deserve this positive assessment, respect or admiration, because circumstances did everything for you, but not yourself. It's time to reconsider your attitude to compliments and learn to accept them with your head held high.
Why can't we accept compliments?
1. Psychologists say that the main reason why people are embarrassed when they hear praise in their address is their low self-esteem. A girl who sincerely believes that she is not beautiful will not be able to happily accept a compliment regarding her appearance. “I know perfectly well that this is not so, why then do they tell me that my hair is especially beautiful today?” - mentally she will be surprised and will not find what to answer.
2. Some people think a compliment is great. way of manipulation: "No one will just say nice words to another person, they probably need something from me." Being confident that she "deciphered the evil intent", such a girl will not take the compliment seriously and, of course, will not even think to say "thank you".
3. “If someone compliments me, it means they are waiting for me to say something nice in return, but I don’t know what to say, ”there is such a point of view. This is similar to the attitude towards gifts: "Do not put me in an uncomfortable position, I will not be able to give you the same expensive thing."
How to accept compliments
First, you should work on your self-esteem so that you don’t respond embarrassedly to another compliment about your wonderful figure: “Well, what a figure! I bought slimming underwear! You should understand that you deserve this positive assessment, that you are beautiful both in slimming underwear and without it.
You should understand that you deserve this positive assessment.
Second, never don't miss the compliment, thus you offend a person who wanted to please you. Imagine you say to a friend: “How prettier you have become over the summer!”, And she just looks somewhere past you and is silent. Agree, from the outside it looks like the highest degree of ingratitude.
Thirdly, don't look for a trick. You didn't ask the person to say something nice to you, you didn't force him to do it. Praise addressed to you is just a desire to voice what so delighted or surprised your interlocutor.
Fourth, smile. Whatever you say in response, reinforce your words with a sincere smile. It should not be stretched and forced.
And fifth, thank you. The best way to respond to a compliment is to thank the person who gave it. “Thank you, I am very pleased to hear that,” this phrase is quite enough.
A compliment is somewhere between objectivity and flattery.
Have you thought about how you respond to praise? Are you blushing embarrassed? You drop the attendant: "Thank you", "Thanks, you too"? Do you underestimate your merit? Or do you ignore the interlocutor, considering his compliment inappropriate, self-serving or insincere? If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, this article is for you.
Passion.ru understood why compliments are needed and how to take them correctly. This allows you to improve interpersonal communication and increase self-esteem.
What are compliments and why are they needed?
A compliment (fr. compliment) is a form of praise, an expression of approval, respect, admiration; nice words and positive feedback.
Most people are kind to compliments. Still would! Compliments stimulate successful activities and behavior, cheer up, improve relationships between people and increase self-esteem. And for all this to take place, it is important to enjoy compliments and respond to them correctly.
What prevents you from enjoying praise?
- Low self-esteem, fear of being the center of attention
- Belief that you did nothing special
- The idea that a compliment obliges something
- Psychological stress, inability to communicate
- Doubt in the sincerity of others, conflict, unwillingness to see positive in people, etc.
Three wrong responses to a compliment
1. Embarrassment
People with low self-esteem do not know how to accept compliments - they turn pale, blush, look away, mumble something out of place, deny their merits, focus on shortcomings: “What are you doing! I have a completely terrible figure, these are the folds on my stomach!
- Consequences
If a red, embarrassed face and a lowered look can still give touchingness to a sweet lady, then ridiculous muttering or an emphasis on one's shortcomings will create a bad impression on the opponent.
For example, if a young man hears this from his girlfriend, he may wonder if he needs a girlfriend "with a terrible figure"? If this becomes the property of a group of people, among them, perhaps, there will be those who directly or indirectly wish to put pressure on the “sore spot”.
In addition, the denial of a compliment offends the interlocutor, hints to him that his opinion is not important.
2. Inability to respond to a compliment
- Who is it for and what does it look like?
People who are afraid of being the center of attention and people who do not know how to respond to compliments also tend to belittle or deny their merits or automatically respond with the notorious “Thank you”, “Thank you, you too”, “You also have a beautiful haircut”, etc. .
- Consequences
A standard response to a compliment, copying a compliment, an answer “on the machine” can give the interlocutor the impression that you are indifferent to him, busy with your own business, and in general, you don’t have time for compliments (exchange of pleasantries).
3. Absent-mindedness and suspicion
- Who is it for and what does it look like?
People with a distracted attention, absent-minded, agitated, carried away by their thoughts, as well as suspicious, can easily ignore a compliment. Some - because they can’t switch their attention in time, and others - because they are internally preparing for battle: “Why is he suddenly? What does he want from me?"
- Consequences
The interlocutor may decide that you are proud, and a kind attitude towards others has become alien to you. If he does not know the features of your character (for example, absent-mindedness), this can lead to a deterioration in relations.
1. Smile back
A simple smile can serve as a good response to a compliment. It can be backed up with pleasant phrases like: "Thank you very nice to hear",“Thank you, you have cheered me up so much!”, "Thank you for noticing". You can return a compliment with a compliment, just don't copy it. Connect fantasy, avoid clichés. It is even useful to come up with your own blanks and use them as needed.
2. When answering the interlocutor, look into his eyes
This way you will show your opponent that you are interested in communicating with him, you perfectly heard what he was talking about and are ready for contact. It is worth remembering that a look at the floor, a wandering look subconsciously creates the impression of complete indifference and insincerity in the interlocutor.
3. Learn to sincerely enjoy a compliment
Despite the fact that life brings many trials, you should not expect constant tricks from it. Most likely, the employee who complimented you wants to share a good mood with you, note your good disposition towards you, or appreciate your professionalism, and therefore do not miss the moment to once again rejoice at the fact that you are being praised.
4. Do not think for the interlocutor
Take the compliment in the literal sense, do not invent anything superfluous and do not prove to yourself the opposite. If you have any questions, please ask. It will be better than suffering in ignorance or, conversely, building castles in the air. The same goes for flattery.
- many people like to test how you react to flattery.
If you have no desire to be flattered, turn the conversation into a joke, say directly: "You flatter me" or "You overestimate me";
- if the compliment seems to you undisguised flattery or untruth ...
Remember the saying: "How many people - so many opinions." Accept praise as a personal point of view of the interlocutor. If you really do not agree with the speaker, sincerely thank him, and treat what has been said with irony.
5. Accept praise with dignity
It is important to emphasize that you enjoy the attention of others, but get carried away. Otherwise, you will be reproached for pride or "star fever".
6. Be natural
No need to be overly flirtatious, as well as asking for a compliment. Firstly, arrogance has not painted anyone yet, and secondly, artificial compliments often do not correspond to reality.
7. Don't be silent
Building good relationships requires the mutual participation of interlocutors. If you find yourself missing compliments, work on shifting your attention.
8. Do not pull or stop the interlocutor
Do not respond with aggression in response to a compliment. This is impolite and unreasonable.
9. Don't respond to a compliment "on the run"
Take a minute to listen to your interlocutor. Stop, thank you for your interest. If you still didn’t have time to answer, and this happens, send an e-mail with thanks or call. It is never too late to maintain good relations and it is always useful.
10. Separate the good from the bad
Do not respond to a compliment with a veiled reprimand: "Truth? Didn't expect to hear that from you.", "And who would have thought that you could do this", "Wow! We are so polite!" If you have any claims against the opponent, it is worth expressing them at another time.
11. Boost your self-esteem
If you find it difficult to respond to compliments: you experience strong emotional stress, do not like being praised, you cannot figure out what to say or feel like leaving the room, your problem is low self-esteem. Work on improving it, learn to love yourself and appreciate your achievements.
How to help a person learn to accept compliments?
As we said above, people with low self-esteem or who cannot accept praise often deny their merits. You can fight the denial syndrome by properly arranging the delivery of a compliment.
Try following the compliment with something to ask the interlocutor. It is best to ask open-ended questions, which by default require a detailed answer (sometimes closed questions are also suitable). As a result, instead of denying their merits, the person will be forced to answer your question.
Examples:
“Aleksey, you have wonderful work. Tell me, by what means is it better to convey the hot summer / movement / moonlight? or “Why did you paint this particular picture?”
“Nadia, you always dress so well. What accessories do you think would suit my new look?”
Such techniques help a shy person cope with praise, and in you he begins to see a pleasant conversationalist with whom he can discuss topics that are common to you.
Olga VOSTOCHNAYA,
psychologist