Mom's behavior when the child goes to the garden. The child goes to kindergarten - practical advice to parents. The decision is yours
Is your baby going to kindergarten this fall? If so, you probably want the child to accept the changes in his life as calmly as possible, get along with the educators and other children, and go to the kindergarten every morning with joy and without whims.
But often parents do not behave quite correctly and unwittingly prevent the child from adapting to kindergarten. How this happens and how to avoid the most common mistakes, says the child and family psychologist Ekaterina Kes.
For many years of my psychological practice, every autumn parents come to me whose children are having a hard time. In this article I want to tell you about the most common mistakes that parents make when sending a child to kindergarten. Because of these mistakes, the baby, as a rule, forms a negative attitude towards the kindergarten, fears and anxieties, and adaptation is delayed for many months. It is important to know about these mistakes so as not to commit them and not to harm your baby.
Mistake number 1 - "The disappearance of mom."
When a mother comes with her child to kindergarten for the first time, the baby is often relaxed and interested in what he sees. The fact is that he has not yet had the experience of being in the garden without his mother. That is why children often stay in kindergarten for the first day quite cheerfully, and on the second and third days they already go with resistance. As we know, it is easy to attract the attention of a small child with something new and interesting. Therefore, the baby boldly moves away from his mother and is carried away in the group with new toys and children. Most likely, he had already heard from his mother more than once that his mother would leave him in the group, but in his view, while his mother was waiting for him in the corridor. Or maybe he forgot that mom was going to leave.
And this is where the following happens. Mom is very glad that the child was carried away by the game, and quietly, so as not to "scare him", runs away without saying goodbye to the child and not informing him that he is leaving. Now imagine what a small child feels, whose mother suddenly disappeared into an incomprehensible place, without saying goodbye, and it is not known when she will come and whether she will come at all. For a child, this is like getting lost in a huge supermarket. And even if 10 of the kindest people will calm down the baby and offer him sweets and toys, he will be terribly scared, overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. Even if you have told your child many times that he will be alone in the kindergarten, without a mother, never leave unnoticed.
The child has the feeling that now the mother can suddenly disappear at any moment of his life, without warning and without saying goodbye to him, that is, he can simply lose his mother. And he literally "sticks" to her, both psychologically and physically for many months, fearing to lose sight of her. In many cases, the kindergarten simply has to be postponed for at least six months, because the child falls into hysterics at the slightest mention of the kindergarten, not to mention going there.
Mistake # 2 - "Long stay"
Some parents believe that it is better to leave the child immediately for half a day or a whole day, so that he quickly gets used to the children and the caregiver. This is a mistake. A visit to the kindergarten should be started gradually. There are different visiting schemes that psychologists recommend adhering to. The general idea is this: first come and walk in the same playground where the group is walking, then bring the child to the group for 30 minutes - 1 hour during free play activities and wait for the child in the corridor and then pick it up. Gradually, the child gets used to the children, the teacher, and the environment. Then you can leave it alone for 1-2 hours, then from morning until lunchtime, then with lunch, then pick it up after the walk. After a while, leave for lunch and pick up, then leave for a nap and pick up. Then leave it for the whole day. There are no clear guidelines for how long each stage should take. You need to look at the well-being of the child and at your maternal intuition.
Mistake number 3 - "Wrong daily routine"
Many parents do not think about how much the child's day regimen today corresponds to the daily regimen that will need to be adhered to when kindergarten begins. A child who is used to going to bed after 22.00 will find it extremely difficult to wake up at 7 in the morning. And in kindergarten, as a rule, you need to get up very early. Remember how your baby feels when he hasn't got enough sleep? He rubs his eyes, is capricious, he does not understand what he wants, becomes whiny. Children, whom their parents did not transfer to the kindergarten regime of the day, are immediately visible in the group in the morning in the first days. They rub their sleepy eyes, they are whiny and irritable, they painfully perceive everything that happens around.
The way a child feels in the first days in kindergarten leaves an imprint on his entire subsequent relationship to this place. Remember the saying: You never get a second chance to make a first impression. " This fully applies to kindergarten. So that the first experience of a child in kindergarten is colored with positive colors, do not be too lazy to transfer your baby to the correct mode in advance. Then he will be able to wake up easily and go to the group in a good mood!
Mistake # 4 - "Quick fees"
This error partly overlaps with the previous one. Since the parents feel sorry for waking up the baby and want him to sleep as long as possible, he is woken up almost "back to back" by the time when it is already necessary to go to the kindergarten. As a result, the preparations are nervous, hasty, the mother does not have time to give the baby the attention and tenderness that he needs, especially when he is still basking in the bed. The child only hears: "Come on soon", "Come on faster", "We are late for kindergarten", "Then we'll talk", etc. Often the baby in the morning still cannot think well and the mother gets annoyed, raises her voice and the whole morning turns out to be chaotic and conflicting. Everyone's mood is spoiled, and the child goes to kindergarten in frustrated feelings, like his mother, who no longer has the moral strength to say some kind parting words.
Therefore, wake up yourself and wake up the baby in advance, so that you have enough time for leisurely gatherings, so that you can pay attention to the baby while he is in bed - to massage, stroke the legs and head, sing a song, tickle, kiss and other gentle words and actions. All this is so important for a good mood for both of you! Go to the kindergarten in advance, too, with plenty of time, so that you do not get nervous on the way yourself and can set your child up in a positive way.
What is the Farewell Ritual?
Well, we have sorted out with you 4 common mistakes that you will definitely not make now! I am sure that you will be able to gradually transfer your baby to a new daily routine, you will wake up in the kindergarten and leave in advance, in the group you will leave the child gradually and you will always inform him that you are leaving and saying goodbye correctly.
Learn about other common parenting mistakes and how to avoid them from my
To get these lessons.
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It seems that only yesterday he was so small and helpless. Everything that surrounded him was in one word "mother". But your baby is no longer so small, he is already 3 years old and it's time to send him to the big world. And he will get the first acquaintance with him in kindergarten.
For girls, the optimal age when a child goes to kindergarten is 2.8-3 years, and for boys - 3.5-4 years, which is associated with later physiological and psychological development. In this case, the baby must be in good health.
Before sending a child to kindergarten, it is desirable that he be able to serve himself: wash his hands, wash himself, dry himself with a towel, eat and dress himself, ask to go to the toilet. The teacher, of course, will always help the baby, but for both it will be better if the baby is more independent.
At home, you should also teach your child to a garden diet - eat all three dishes, eat porridge for breakfast, which parents usually do not eat at home. Teach your child to the correct daily routine: go to bed and get up at a certain time, sleep during the day, eat at the same time.
It is also necessary to prepare the baby for the kindergarten psychologically. Do not talk about the kindergarten as a correctional and educational regime facility. Otherwise, as a result of such intimidation, the child will protest going to the garden, and every morning it will be like a punishment. Therefore, the child should imagine the garden as a place where there are many children, toys with which to play with other children.
However, not only the baby, but also the mother must undergo psychological preparation before the child goes to the garden. She must be ready to release her child into a new life for both of them, which is different from the previous three years. Mom should give her child to the garden with a light heart. And there is no need to stand under the window and cry. If the parents are very worried about this, then the child will feel uneasy, cry. After all, the baby is still emotionally attached to his mother and feels her mood.
It often happens that the child begins to get sick more often. This is due to the fact that children adapt to each other, to a new microflora with their own bacteria. When the body learns to cope with new microbes, health will only be strengthened.
However, there is also a psychological factor in illness. When a child is sick, his mother says to him: "We will not go to kindergarten today, because you have a cough." The kid begins to see the connection between the disease and the opportunity to stay at home with his mother. And psychologically adjusts himself to the disease. Therefore, do not focus his attention on the fact that he stays at home because of a cough or a runny nose.
Some parents are in no hurry to let their child go on their own, thinking that classes at home or with personal teachers can replace the garden. But this is not a complete alternative. Studying at home, playing on the playground under the supervision of a grandmother, a child cannot learn to be independent. He will not be able to stand up for himself, because if something happens, he knows that his grandmother will protect him.
As a result, when a child goes to kindergarten or school after a home environment, he has a lot of stress, because someone will definitely push him or call him names. He turns out to be psychologically unprepared for this. Therefore, the garden is an invaluable experience of communication with peers, social adaptation, where a child receives lessons in survival - an invaluable life experience.
What happens when you come with your child to kindergarten for the first time is a difficult question. This largely depends on the nature of the baby. A child with a sociable nature, at the sight of an interesting company, may not immediately remember that he did not come alone. For other children who are more withdrawn, breaking up with their parents is stressful. In any case, do not forget that any child is a researcher, and kindergarten is another discovery, and your task is to be near and help the little discoverer.
Be that as it may, the process of mastering in a new environment should be smooth. The most irresponsible of you will be to quietly leave, leaving the child alone with problems. The consequences can be dire.
It would be more correct to stick to some plan.
Let's say this one:
First day
You come with the baby to the kindergarten. Get used to it together. Take part in breakfast. The child eats, you yourself get acquainted with the menu. After a while, without waiting for dinner, you return home with your child.
Second day
Spend about a quarter of a full day with your child in kindergarten. Be nearby so that he does not lose sight of you (this is important - he will feel more confident), but act on his own. Agree with him that you will come soon and leave him in the kindergarten for an hour and a half. When you return, take him home. In no case should you leave a child without warning him about leaving - you risk losing his trust.
Third day
Stay with your child in the kindergarten for two hours. Agree with him that you leave, and after kissing goodbye, leave until the end of the day.
Fourth day
When you come to the kindergarten with your baby, talk to him, make sure that he feels confident. Agree that he stays until the evening, say goodbye and leave.
The above plan assumes that in the kindergarten parents are allowed to stay with their children for some time. Alas, not all kindergartens have such liberal rules... For example, in the kindergarten where I came with my three-year-old daughter, it was impossible to stay.
We did this: after walking around the kindergarten, we examined and examined the territory, talked with the teacher. We met and talked with the nanny. We agreed that she would stay with her favorite toy until the start of the walk (about two hours). They kissed and said goodbye. The next day she spent half a day in the kindergarten (all afternoon). Soon, the daughter herself asked to pick her up in the late afternoon.
Now, advice to those who are going to take a child to kindergarten. Hopefully they will help you get comfortable in the early days.
Rights and obligations
Tune in when interacting with the administration of the preschool institution in a constructive way. Ask to familiarize you with the charter of the kindergarten. Sign the Parental Agreement. It reflects the basic rights and obligations of the kindergarten and parents. As a rule, among the rights of parents are listed: participation in the work of the parent council, making proposals for improving work with children, choosing educational programs, organizing additional services; a petition to the Department of Education for a deferral of payments for the maintenance of a child in a kindergarten in especially difficult life circumstances; being with the child in kindergarten during the adaptation period for two days in agreement with the kindergarten. The agreement may also contain a clause on the provision of charitable assistance to improve the subject-development environment: premises, equipment, teaching aids, games, toys (it is introduced on the basis of the Law of the Russian Federation "On Charitable Activities and Charitable Organizations", adopted by the State Duma and signed President of the Russian Federation on August 11, 1995).
In one team
Discuss with the head of the kindergarten, the doctor and the head nurse the organization of individual nutrition for the child (if you need a special organization of nutrition for allergies, intolerance to certain foods). Discuss issues of participation in the work of the parent committee. By becoming a member, you will be able to solve many issues of upbringing and education of children in kindergarten together with educators.
Since you went to kindergarten yourself, there have been no fundamental changes in its work. But nevertheless, in order to avoid misunderstandings in the future, ask in advance how the work in your chosen kindergarten is structured. Usually, municipal preschool educational institutions operate in accordance with uniform requirements. There are obligatory daily classes: familiarization with the outside world, development of speech, the formation of elementary mathematical concepts, classes in visual activities (drawing, modeling, application, construction), music classes and physical education, sensory development. Narrow specialists (speech therapist, physical development instructor, defectologist, foreign language teacher, etc.) are present in the kindergarten at the request of parents and in the direction of the institution.
On a note:
- Personally hand over and take the child away from the caregiver without entrusting him to unauthorized persons or persons under 18 years of age. If the child will be picked up by people unfamiliar to the teacher, warn him about this in advance.
- If the baby is sick, leave him at home, notifying the teacher about this. After you recover, bring a medical certificate with permission to attend preschool.
There is a contact!
Take the initiative in interacting with your teacher. Establish a good and constructive relationship with the caregiver. Seek advice and consultation as often as possible. This always increases the self-esteem of the interlocutor and disposes him to you. Nobody knows your baby better than you. Tell the teacher about the individual characteristics of the baby: how affectionately you call him at home, what the child loves, how he falls asleep, what games he prefers to play. The more initial information about your baby you provide to the caregiver, the easier it will be for him to choose an individual approach to the baby. If you are worried about the behavior of the baby, consult with the teacher on how best to act in this situation. Take his advice. Each teacher has his own techniques and secrets of how to help a child adapt more easily in kindergarten or cope with a particular situation.
Try to clearly formulate for yourself how you want to see your child: what he should know, be able to, what to strive for, what qualities he should have. Here, too, the advice of an educator will be useful. Find out from the teacher, according to which educational program the kindergarten works, what additional educational and health services can be provided to your child in the kindergarten. You may also want to talk to your teacher about the equipment for the group. Find out what educational games, manuals, sports equipment are needed, offer your help in purchasing them.
Peaceful solution
Imagine the following situation: a baby has a good appetite, but he categorically does not like boiled carrots, and therefore from time to time the little one “picks out” it from the soup. The teacher scolds the child, makes him eat everything to the end. The kid comes home and complains to you. How do wise parents act in this situation? To begin with, you should choose the right form of communication with the teacher. Even if you are very angry, try to maintain a business tone. Ask a teacher for advice - it always increases the self-esteem of the interlocutor. Don't start with accusations. State the facts. Describe what you see in the child's behavior, his emotional state. Listen to the teacher, give him the opportunity to speak. Let him tell you how he sees the situation that has arisen and for what reasons he makes your baby eat carrots. Be sure to indicate your position: you know that the child does not like boiled carrots, and you want the teacher not to force the child to eat them. And you take responsibility for the fact that the child will not eat soup at lunchtime.
If you do not know how to resolve the conflict on your own, seek help from a psychologist. But don't make hasty decisions. Remember the main thing: adult conflicts should not affect the baby.
Tell me what's wrong!
Pay attention to the interaction of the teacher with the child. There are a number of signs by which you can determine for yourself whether your beloved child has difficulties in kindergarten or not.
Everything is fine:
- The child is happy to go to kindergarten.
- The kid is rarely sick, he rarely has headaches and nausea before going to kindergarten.
- The teacher happily meets the child, calls him affectionately, by name.
- The baby has a good appetite.
- The child shares his impressions of being in kindergarten, talks about the teacher, about the children in the group.
- In the evening, the kid asks you for the opportunity to "play out a few more minutes" with the guys in the group.
- The child brings his favorite toys to kindergarten, shares sweets with peers, makes crafts for the teacher.
Something is wrong:
- The kid often suffers from ARVI, even after the completion of the process of adaptation to kindergarten.
- He has sudden attacks of headache, nausea, nosebleeds just before leaving home for kindergarten.
- The kid goes to the kindergarten with whims or hysteria.
- The child speaks negatively about the kindergarten, teacher, peers.
- Day and night enuresis appeared.
- Disrupted appetite.
- New fears and nervous tics appeared.
- The kid regularly asks his parents not to take him to kindergarten and to pick him up earlier.
- You notice rudeness in the style of communication between the teacher and the child, the lack of attention of the teacher to the needs and needs of the baby, his individual characteristics.
These indicators should be paid attention to 3-6 months after the child visits kindergarten, since during the adaptation period, some of them may be the norm. If you see problems in the relationship between the teacher and the child, first try to talk with the teacher, then with the psychologist and methodologist of the educational institution, and finally with the head of the kindergarten. If, after the work done, your baby continues to feel uncomfortable, transfer him or to another group, or to another kindergarten. It is also possible that homeschooling or a short stay in preschool is preferable for your child.
The psychology of comfort
Significant help in kindergarten can be obtained from a teacher-psychologist. He will regularly monitor how the child is adapting, give recommendations to both the teacher and you, the parents.
Working with a child
The psychologist conducts compulsory diagnostics of the mental development of babies 2 times a year: he determines the level of mental development of the child, reveals the presence of deviations from the norm. Based on the results obtained, the psychologist determines and discusses the program for the individual development of the baby with the teacher and parents. You can turn to a psychologist and with an individual request to diagnose your baby if something bothers you (sudden outbursts of aggression, fear, enuresis, etc.) or you just want to get to know your child better (what abilities he has, in which circle it is better to give it).
You can separately discuss with the psychologist your wishes on the topic of which school you want to send your baby to, and the specialist will already develop an individual program for working with the baby. The psychologist also provides psychological support to creatively gifted children, contributes to their development.
Working with parents
Many causes of mental development disorders in a child lie in the family. The psychologist can diagnose the peculiarities of the child's family upbringing with the participation of the parents and sometimes the closest relatives of the baby. Diagnostics is carried out only with the permission of the parents themselves, they must be provided with the results of the study. You have the right not to let a psychologist into the family, but remember that a competent specialist will not harm the family and the child.
Find out if the kindergarten has a “parenting school”. If not, you can ask to arrange it.
Who is responsible and for what? (duties of employees of a preschool educational institution)
| Who to contact? | Have a question |
| Kindergarten manager |
|
| Head nurse, doctor |
|
| Musical director |
|
| Educator-psychologist |
|
| Educator |
|
It's time to go to kindergarten. You are most likely worried, and you have natural questions like: “How can I leave him alone there, he doesn't know anything there?”, “How will he be there without me?”, “And if he cries and won't he want to let me go? " and many others. For the first time, you need to be ready for any reaction of the baby, keep yourself in control and remain calm. Children are all different, regardless of age, some accept the absence of parents, they are interested in the group, others refuse to leave their mother, no matter what she tells them. Everything is explained by the psychology of the child.
First and foremost, strong attachment to parents. Emotionally, the child feels protected when mom and dad or at least one parent is nearby, and a calm emotional background is characteristic here. If you suddenly change the usual environment, the child will at least experience discomfort. Therefore, it is worth bringing him to this gradually, in this way he will succumb to the influence of adults, understand the role of the educator, will obey him and feel free with him.
Intellectually, kids all the time strive to learn something new, in kindergarten they will get it by themselves. Socially, children need society and strive to adapt to other people. Help him, tell him how he should behave in the kindergarten with other children, the teacher and the rest of the kindergarten workers, be objective. Through the parents, the child determines what is important and what is not, imitates everything and is interested in pleasing them. Therefore, your reaction during breakups and meetings in kindergarten is very significant to him, since he will behave accordingly. It must be remembered that on the basis of parental words, his self-esteem is formed, and try not to call the child a crybaby, roar, etc., not to say that he shames you, makes tantrums, and the like.
The concept of "I"
Kids at this age are egocentric, i.e. in the first place is "I", my desires, me, mine, how I want. Some boys and girls go to the kindergarten according to their mood, alternately, then completely refusing to go, or, on the contrary, ask to take them away as soon as possible. Calmly approach such a problem, find out the reason and solve it constructively. If this is just a whim (usually it is), it is better to insist on your decision, because then the child will manipulate in this way constantly. If you think there is a problem, it is better to give in to him until you understand the situation. Usually at first it is difficult for a child to get used to a new environment. In order to quickly and better get used to kindergarten, there is a period of adaptation.
The word adaptation itself means the process of adaptation to changing environmental conditions, and in general it boils down to the fact that the child is not immediately left in the group for the whole day. First, for a short period of time (for example, 30 minutes), increasing the period of stay in kindergarten to a whole day. But it is better to prepare before the baby starts going to kindergarten. The adaptation process is important both for the psychological sphere and for the physiological one.
Psychological adaptation
Before kindergarten, tune the children to positive emotions, say that they can find new friends there, play, take a walk, so that they do not have to think only that you will be away all day. Be prepared to pick up your child in case of problems. The hardest thing is for very small crumbs, and it is better for the first few times for mom to walk with her child, while he gets to know the group. Of course, to a greater extent, everything depends on the temperament and sociability of children, both large and small. When you leave, the baby will most likely feel fear, and if there is strong affection for the mother, then most often the child will go to kindergarten with tears in his eyes and hysteria. Some are characterized by sociability, then the children quickly find a common language with others and even wave a pen to their mother.
Physiological sphere
For physiological adaptation, first of all, it is necessary to temper the child: air baths, walks in the fresh air. Try not to wrap it up in a lot of clothes. Do not provide "sterile" conditions. Basic hygiene rules are quite enough: wash your hands before eating and after coming from the street, swim daily, brush your teeth. Get all appropriate vaccinations (talk to your pediatrician about this). Vaccination must be completed at least 2 months in advance.
Strengthen immunity, provide proper nutrition. If necessary, take a course of vitamins (here it is better to consult your doctor), do not forget about fruits and vegetables rich in nutrients. It is advisable not to take your child to the garden when there are obvious signs of a cold (snot, cough), even when it seems that it will soon pass. At this moment, the immune system is already weakening, and the condition can deteriorate sharply, and with a viral disease, other children can be infected from it. At the beginning of the adaptation period, immunity may decrease, the excitement, stress of the child will affect, and the body needs time to learn to resist the unfamiliar microbial environment. By reasonably approaching the adjustment period, immunity will improve and give the body the protection it needs.
It is advisable to visit the preschool in advance, find out the menu, prepare a couple of dishes from it and introduce them into the diet. It is believed that this will help the digestion process, especially if the “home” menu is significantly different from the “kindergarten” one. The regime plays an important role. You should teach your child to get up early, go to bed early and eat on time (like in kindergarten). Some educators even advise observing the regime on weekends. The physiological aspect of adaptation largely depends on the psychological one.
Acquaintance with the group and the teacher
A child feels more confident if he knows what he needs to do when, for example, he wants to go to the toilet; knows who he needs to approach and ask for help, what to do if he doesn't like a dish, etc. When you come to the group, tell us where the toilet is, introduce him to the teacher, explain that he must obey her, she will help him in everything. If your baby is still very young for such explanations, walk around the room with him, show toys, talk with the teacher about how he usually asks to use the toilet, and it is better to prepare a spare set of clothes. Ask the teacher how he behaves in the group, whether he calms down easily, whether he is often naughty, how he eats.
Observe and ask
Observe how the child behaves at home, how he sleeps, eats, what his mood is. Ask if he had fun, what he was doing, was he interested, who he met. In very rare cases, it happens that children even within a month feel bad, look sad, do not want to go to kindergarten, and may lose weight. In this case, it is worth returning to the topic "kindergarten" after a few months (in this case, talk to the management of the kindergarten). The second time, it will be a little easier for the baby to adapt, and this will bring the expected result.
The hardest part the first time is the moment of goodbye, it can be hard not only for the children, but also for the parents.
Here are some tips for moms and dads:
do not stretch your parting,
do not cry, otherwise the baby will not want to let you go at all: seeing that you are unhappy, he will be even more afraid,
do not leave until the child sees you, otherwise he will not leave you and will think that you are deceiving him,
do not leave, angry with him ("I told you: calm down!", "Shut up now!", "You will get it from me now!", etc.),
say goodbye to him, encourage him with your smile, especially if he is about to cry,
if it is very difficult for a child to part with his mother and after a few days, you can ask someone from his family to take him to the kindergarten. It is usually easier for children to say goodbye to them than to their mother.
Of course, it can be difficult for parents to consider all of the above, but try to do as much as possible so that your baby feels comfortable in the first few weeks in kindergarten and beyond. It is important to note that in the end, all boys and girls learn, a little earlier or a little later, and going to kindergarten becomes a common thing for them.