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Tibetan way of raising children. The wise Tibetan method of raising children without physical punishment. Features of the Japanese system of raising children

We all know that raising a child is hard work. Each nation has its own principles and approaches. We invite you to get acquainted with the Tibetan view of raising a child.

Most importantly, no humiliation or corporal punishment. The only reason children are beaten is because they can't fight back. More of this sin "tender and amazing."

First period

Child under 5 years old.

The child must be treated like a king. Nothing can be PROHIBITED. Just distract. If he does something dangerous, then make a frightened face and make a frightened exclamation. The child understands this language perfectly. At this time, activity, curiosity, interest in life are laid. The child is not yet able to build long logical chains. For example, he broke an expensive vase. He does not understand that to buy such a vase you need to work hard, earn money. He will perceive punishment as suppression from a position of strength. You will teach him not to beat the vases, but to obey the one who is stronger. Do you need it?

Second period.

The age of the child is from 5 to 10 years.

At this time, the child is treated "like a slave."
Set tasks for him and demand their implementation. Can be punished for non-compliance (but not physically). At this time, the intellect is actively developing. The child must learn to predict the reaction of people to his actions, to evoke a positive attitude towards himself and avoid the manifestation of a negative one. At this time, do not be afraid to load the child with knowledge.

Third period.

The age of the child is from 10 to 15.

As an equal. Not on an equal footing, but “as an equal”, because you still have more experience and knowledge. You consult with him on all important issues, provide and encourage independence. You impose your will in "velvet gloves" in the process of discussion, hints, and advice. If you don’t like something, then focus his attention on the negative consequences, avoiding direct prohibitions. At this time, independence and independence of thinking are formed.

Last period.

He is no longer a child since he was 15 years old.

Treat your child with respect. It is too late to educate and you can only reap the fruits of your labors.

What are the consequences of not following these rules?

If you suppress a child under 5 years old, then you will suppress his vital activity, interest in life, intelligence, immunity. Teach him thoughtlessly and habitually to submit to brute force. You will make him an easy victim for all sorts of villains.

If you continue to lisp after 5, then the child will grow up infantile, incapable of work and, in general, of spiritual efforts.

If you patronize a child like a little one after 10, then the child will grow up insecure, will be dependent on more independent friends who may not always have the right influence.

If you do not respect a child after 15, then he will not forgive you for this and will leave forever at the first opportunity.

What can you say about this way of raising and educating children?

8 comments on “The Tibetan Perspective on Parenting”

    15.12.13 @ 15:01

    I like this approach to raising a child. something like this I imagined earlier when I thought about raising my unborn child .... the only thing I would change the first period in duration ... .. not 5, but 3 years ... for some reason it seems to me that this is a little more expedient …

    19.12.13 @ 16:20

    I did not like the first period ... If you pamper a child like that, he will become a little spoiled egoist. A friend of this system raised a child and he is now 11 years old, and behaves like a three-year-old baby - is naughty, annoying, interferes in the conversations of adults, is rude to them, and her mother does not pay attention to this.

    Beremchik

    29.03.14 @ 3:01

    I don't think it's okay to spoil a child under the age of 5. For it will irreversibly ruin it. Punishments should be, without beating, but which will clearly make it clear that the child did kaku and badly. It is also necessary to show the child what he made a mistake and to whom he hurt with his act. And then you get tired of screwing around with things that he ruined and smashed, and he will never learn to appreciate what mom and dad hunchbacked for years.

    The most important thing to remember is that a child under 3 years old absorbs everything like a sponge and remembers the behavior of his parents, this is laid in memory for life. Then he, at the subconscious level, repeats the actions of his parents and their behavior and habits. Therefore, it is worth behaving as correctly as possible and setting positive examples.

    Ideally, if the child participates in helping parents. This can be instilled when he learns to walk. It was then that he begins to feel like a full-fledged member of the family and already begins to appreciate the work done.
    For example, involve your child in cleaning. At first, small jobs that are safe for him, with age, more complex ones. To instill a love of cleanliness and that cleaning is a game of adulthood.

    “Look, what wonderful bubbles are in the water in which we wet the cloth, you are already such an adult / such an adult and therefore you can be trusted to wipe the dust yourself / yourself”, “Mmmm! What a fine fellow you are, the floor is so clean and now it’s more pleasant to play on it”, “Take the wrapper, the trash can to the bucket, because you tried so hard and cleaned, helped to vacuum, it’s a pity if your work is lost.”

    It is really worth consulting with a child, this can be done starting from the age when he already knows how to speak normally.
    "How do you think…?" and further on the topic of the question.
    That is, do not ask for advice as such, but ask for an opinion.
    And if his opinion differs from yours, then justify it out loud, as if allowing the child to participate in the discussion, while as if speaking to himself, commenting on his thoughts aloud. In the end, do what you need to do.
    Participation for the child is more important than the result.

    Tell your child often about the mistakes of other people and your mistakes, in the form of fairy tales and instructive stories, to teach him what is Good and what is Bad. This experience will be invaluable for the child, I know from my own experience that my mother's stories saved me from a lot.

    If necessary, it is sometimes worth refusing a child's request, especially if the request is accompanied by a capricious demand for something. For example, sweets, or an essentially unnecessary purchase.
    Sometimes it’s worth going up to the counter to say this to the child, let the child hold and touch these toys for a long time - “Well, let’s see what’s interesting here, look, touch, but to be honest, you have toys at home, you look at these and touch them, Satisfy your interest, and let's move on." Not a single seller has so far been opposed to the child touching the toys and playing with them a little. In 5 minutes, the child switches and moves on.
    If you are in a hurry, then go faster to bypass the toys and switch the child's attention from toys to another topic, urgently ask about something complex and completely different that will occupy his thoughts.

    Beremchik

    29.03.14 @ 3:10

    In adolescence, the child should often say - "You decide for yourself, this is your life and everyone reaps the fruits of their decisions. If you act smart and everything will be fine, then I will be happy for you, I will love you even more, but it is difficult to feel sorry for those who make mistakes consciously and suffer from them themselves.
    Then the child will understand that his life is in his hands and his decisions are his responsibility, he will suffer or rejoice for them.
    In this case, it will be difficult for him to later blame you for imposing his decisions, ruining his fate.

    Beremchik

    29.03.14 @ 3:26

    How best to behave in the store. The answer is about the curiosity of children and their eternal desire to pull everything from the shelves.

    To avoid the child climbing the shelves on his own and mats everything in a row, he should be allowed to touch the goods, under supervision and explain what it is, because everything is very interesting to him. You can tell that from “this one” I make you porridge, and I put this sugar in your tea.

    Explain why some products are in bags and why you can’t tear them “It’s specially packed in a bag so that cockroaches don’t get in there, can you imagine what a horror it would be if you tear the bag and the insects get into the products, and then we can buy them by accident” ...
    “Either some uncle will take it with dirty hands and not notice the hole, and then you can get poisoned, or worms will start up - these are such long worms and they settle in the tummy and then the tummy hurts”, “Because it is necessary that all this be in packaging”.

    29.05.15 @ 13:11

    The child absorbs everything. It is impossible to instill in him “good” and “bad” with an iron hand. He is not a robot. There are no such extremes in life even at the age of 15 (if you are lucky), and if you are not lucky, then under 30 or even after 50 people will understand that the “correct” life is not to their liking.

    If you have nurtured an evaluative addiction in your child, it is your fault. If you do not pay attention to whims, they will subside themselves. Let him be guided by common sense - understanding the bad consequences. And if it is not yet able, it is better to correct it gently, imperceptibly.

    However, they didn’t come up with a better training tool than their own bumps. Don't sew your head on a child. Let him play with this world. And we will only make sure that we don’t come to the edge of the abyss, to catch the kids, like Selinger’s ..

    14.11.15 @ 4:34

    A very interesting experience. Indeed, the child absorbs everything. Therefore, I try to give him good information, even to simply limit the circle of contacts of dubious personalities with my child. At the moment, the child is reading Poznayka. Very happy with this patriotic edition.

    28.09.16 @ 10:22

    There is a good English proverb: Do not educate children, educate yourself, they will still look like you.

What's wrong with a good spanking, if after it the child becomes obedient, stops indulging and arguing with parents? So what's so good about it? Of course, it all depends on the goals pursued by parents in raising their kids: to teach them to obey or to grow up a self-sufficient, confident person and just a happy person.

Among various modern, classical teaching programs, the Tibetan method deserves special attention. Its main principle is no humiliation and corporal punishment in relation to a child!

The main periods of raising children according to the Tibetan system

Since it is the parents who determine the future successes or failures of the child, his views on the world around him and life principles, then in raising a baby, adults should first of all work on their behavior. The Tibetan educational system offers clear instructions on how to behave with the baby, taking into account the peculiarities of his development in different periods of growing up:

  1. From birth to 5 years. The status of the baby in the family at this tender age is “king”. Even when ever-growing curiosity begins to cause considerable trouble for parents, Tibetan traditions do not allow prohibitions, much less punishments. Mom and dad of an inquisitive baby need to learn how to divert children's attention to something more useful.
  2. 5-10 years. From the "king" the baby turns into a "slave". At this age, there is an intensive development of the intellect and the task of adults is to teach the baby to learn, achieve goals, plan their actions, accustom them to work, instill in them responsibility, an understanding of the connection between an act and its consequences. That is why, from the age of 5, punishments are applied in the education system (but not humiliation or the use of physical force).
  3. 10-15 years old. Respect for the personality of the child, his opinions, choices, interests - these are the main features of the Tibetan method of raising a teenage child. Now parents should communicate with him as an equal: not to teach, but to share experience, not to set tasks, but to offer options, start consulting. Under such conditions, children's confidence, independence, and the ability to make decisions develop.
  4. 15 years and older. This is the period when parents begin to "gather stones." Everything that you did earlier served as the basis for the development of abilities, character, individual qualities of the child. And now you have an already formed personality in front of you, which cannot be re-educated, but you only need to accept it as it is.

If you don't follow the rules...

The peculiarity of the development of the child is that all aspects of his personality develop simultaneously and there is a direct connection between them. Physical force, psychological blackmail, suppression by one's authority or the opposite methods (increased guardianship, indulging any childish whims) lead to great disappointments:

  • lack of independence, susceptibility to the influence of other people;
  • dissatisfaction with oneself, complexes, insecurity;
  • inability to take responsibility for their actions, failures, for their lives;
  • inability to complete the work begun, and, accordingly, to achieve success in some way;
  • lack of interest in knowledge;
  • inability to build sincere relationships with people;
  • the desire to escape from parental care by all means or, conversely, dependence on the father, mother.

I would like the Tibetan view of raising children to become the basis of the behavior of parents in every family, so that in 10-15-20 years we can rejoice at the successes of the brightest, most successful and happy generation.

This system includes training according to the Soroban method for children aged 5-11 years. Being engaged in oral counting according to a unique system, the child not only develops intellectual abilities, but also develops self-confidence, determination, and leadership qualities. All this will help the formation of a self-sufficient successful personality.

Most importantly, no humiliation or corporal punishment. The only reason children are beaten is because they can't fight back. More of this sin "tender and amazing."

First period. Child under 5 years old.
The child must be treated like a king. Nothing can be PROHIBITED. Just distract. If he does something dangerous, then make a frightened face and make a frightened exclamation. The child understands this language perfectly. At this time, activity, curiosity, interest in life are laid. The child is not yet able to build long logical chains. For example, he broke an expensive vase. He does not understand that to buy such a vase you need to work hard, earn money. He will perceive punishment as suppression from a position of strength. You will teach him not to beat the vases, but to obey the one who is stronger. Do you need it?

Second period. The age of the child is from 5 to 10 years.
At this time, the child is treated "like a slave." Set tasks for him and demand their implementation. Can be punished for non-compliance (but not physically). At this time, the intellect is actively developing. The child must learn to predict the reaction of people to his actions, to evoke a positive attitude towards himself and avoid the manifestation of a negative one. At this time, do not be afraid to load the child with knowledge.

Third period. The age of the child is from 10 to 15.
As an equal. Not on an equal footing, but “as an equal”, because you still have more experience and knowledge. You consult with him on all important issues, provide and encourage independence. You impose your will in “velvet gloves” in the process of discussion, hints, and advice. If you don’t like something, then focus his attention on the negative consequences, avoiding direct prohibitions. At this time, independence and independence of thinking are formed.

Last period. He is no longer a child since he was 15 years old.
Treat your child with respect. It is too late to educate and you can only reap the fruits of your labors.

What are the consequences of not following these rules?

If you suppress a child under 5 years old, then you will suppress his vital activity, interest in life, intelligence, immunity. Teach him thoughtlessly and habitually to submit to brute force. You will make him an easy victim for all sorts of villains.

If you continue to lisp after 5, then the child will grow up infantile, incapable of work and, in general, of spiritual efforts.

If you patronize a child like a little one after 10, then the child will grow up insecure, will be dependent on more independent friends who may not always have the right influence.

If you do not respect a child after 15, then he will not forgive you for this and will leave forever at the first opportunity.

Tibetan perspective on parenting
- No humiliation or corporal punishment. The only reason children are beaten is because they can't fight back. More of this sin "tender and amazing."
- The first period is up to 5 years. The child must be treated like a king. Nothing can be PROHIBITED. Just distract. If he does something dangerous, then make a frightened face and make a frightened exclamation. The child understands this language perfectly. At this time, activity, curiosity, interest in life are laid. The child is not yet able to build long logical chains. For example, he broke an expensive vase. He does not understand that to buy such a vase you need to work hard, earn money. He will perceive punishment as suppression from a position of strength. You will teach him not to beat the vases, but to obey the one who is stronger. Do you need it?
- The second period from 5 to 10. At this time, the child is treated "like a slave." Set tasks for him and demand their implementation. Can be punished for non-compliance (but not physically). At this time, the intellect is actively developing. The child must learn to predict the reaction of people to his actions, to evoke a positive attitude towards himself and avoid the manifestation of a negative one. At this time, do not be afraid to load the child with knowledge.
- The third period from 10 to 15. How to raise a child during this period? How to deal with it? As an equal. Not on an equal footing, but “as an equal”, because you still have more experience and knowledge. You consult with him on all important issues, provide and encourage independence. You impose your will in “velvet gloves” in the process of discussion, hints, and advice. If you don’t like something, then focus his attention on the negative consequences, avoiding direct prohibitions. At this time, independence and independence of thinking are formed.
- The last period of 15 years. Treat him with respect. It is too late to raise a child and you can only reap the fruits of your labors.
What are the consequences of not following these rules?
- If you suppress a child under 5 years old, then you will suppress his vitality, interest in life, intelligence, immunity. Teach him thoughtlessly and habitually to submit to brute force. You will make him an easy victim for all sorts of villains.
- If you continue to lisp after 5, then the child will grow up infantile, incapable of work and, in general, of spiritual efforts.
- If you take care of a child like a little one after 10, then the child will grow up insecure, will be dependent on more independent friends who may not always have the right influence.
- If you do not respect the child after 15, then he will not forgive you for this and will leave forever at the first opportunity.

In order to educate a personality, each thinking parent chooses his own methodology. Some prefer to “indulge” the little child in everything, others, on the contrary, choose “hedgehogs”. Which of these is correct and whose will bring great results - time will tell. Today we will tell you about the Tibetan method of raising children. For us, Europeans, the countries of the East seem to be something mysterious and alluring, and oriental people are always associated with endurance and wisdom. In Tibet, where Buddhism is the basis of religion, raising children is strikingly different from what approaches we use.

The foundation of Tibetan parenting is the unacceptability of humiliation and corporal punishment. After all, the only reason adults hit kids is because kids can't hit them back. The Tibetan method of raising children divides the entire period of childhood and growing up into "five-years".

The first five years: from birth to five

With the birth of the baby falls into a fairy tale. The approach to education up to 5 years can be compared with. Everything is allowed for children: no one scolds them for anything, punishes them, nothing is forbidden to children. According to Tibetan upbringing during this period, children develop an interest in life and curiosity. The kid is not yet able to build long logical chains and understand what may be the result of this or that act. For example, a kid under 5 years old will not be able to understand that in order to buy some thing, you need to earn money. If the baby wants to do something risky or behaves inappropriately, it is recommended to distract him or make a frightened face so that the baby understands that this is dangerous.

Second five-year plan: from 5 to 10 years

Having celebrated his fifth birthday, the child from the fairy tale moves straight into slavery. It is during this period that Tibetan upbringing advises treating the child like a “slave”, setting tasks for him and demanding their unquestioning fulfillment. At this age, children are rapidly developing intellectual abilities and thinking, so they should be loaded as much as possible. It is good to entertain children with music, dancing, drawing, to involve them in physical housework, to ask them to provide all possible assistance to their parents in doing daily chores. The main task of this period is considered to be to teach the child to understand others, to predict the reaction of people to his actions and to evoke a positive attitude towards himself. It is possible to punish a child, but not physically, “lisping” and showing pity is strictly prohibited so as not to develop infantilism.

Third Five-Year Plan: 10 to 15 years

When a child reaches the age of 10, you need to start communicating with him “on an equal footing”, that is, more advice on all issues, discussing any actions, deeds. If you want to impose on a teenager some idea of ​​your own, then you should do it using the “velvet gloves” method: tips, advice, but in no case imposing. During this period, independence and independence of thinking develop very rapidly. If you do not like something in the behavior or actions of the child, then try to point to it indirectly, avoiding prohibitions. Don't try to take care of the child. Because how can it cause them to be too dependent on their (not always good) environment in the future.

Last period: from 15 years

According to the Tibetan view of raising children, after 15 years of age, it is too late to raise children, and parents can only reap the fruits of their efforts and labors. Tibetan sages say that if a child is not respected after 15 years, then he will leave his parents forever at the first opportunity.

Perhaps such a method of education cannot be 100% applied to our mentality, but still there is a good grain of truth in it.