How to teach your husband to be attentive to you

How to teach a husband to order? Sooner or later, this question "gets up with an edge" for every woman, whether it is a housewife or business woman, a young girl or a mature lady.

It is no secret that exist surrounded by scattered socks, shirts, interspersed with unwashed ashtrays and cups, oh how unpleasant. It is "exist", and not to live. Especially annoying every morning hear from his beloved: "Dear, and where is the pure pants?" Here you can remember the old anecdote: - Favorite, I have a presentation today. Help find a new suit. And where are my pure panties? - And why?! What are you going to present?!

Joke joke, and there is a problem. Let's try to figure out why it happens ...

Every man is essentially a master of a certain thing or object, it does not matter - apartment, house, room or car. In nature, males marked their territory, thereby giving it to understand: "This is mine and belongs only to me." The man will simply leave the object in the form of a "fragrant" subject in the form of a socks or demonstratively will expose a cup with a naked tea in the middle of the table. Thus, he clearly declares his rights to the territory and nothing more.

Women regard this ritual in their own way: since he spreads things, it means that I do not respect me, and since I do not respect, then, it means that he does not like. We will not even even try to wean the power of this habit. Very often on the forums you can find the next advice: "How to teach a husband to order? Stop cleaning and erased scattered things, and put the dirty dishes left on it on his half of the bed. " In case of extreme necessity, it is proposed to throw out clothes out of the window.

We remind you that a man is a creature with a thin soulful organization, so this plan will suffer in an imminible fiasco. If your beloved also with oriental temperament - you will walk with violet shadows at all, and only on one eye.

Remember one simple truth: discuss with your husband any trifle and immediately say that specifically you do not suit you. Your favorite is not extrasens and not telepath, penetrate your brain and understand the reason for your discontent, he will not be able. For example, showing it his dirty mug, you can say the following: "My love, imagine that this circle is my heart. Do you really want it to stop fighting? Then take a mug into the kitchen and passing it as closely as possible. " At the same time, do not forget to always praise your husband, because the warm words love not only women.

As for dirty linen - highlight the basket for it and teach your beloved to attach dirty things only there. One of the tallers is the search for the second sock in the overall "hem". But here there is a way out: buy 20 pairs of absolutely identical black socks and several pairs of gray socks. Then you do not have to suffer and sort pairs every time, it is not even necessary to observe the "left" or "right". Highlight a special box in the closet only for socks - and the problem is solved.

Do not let your husband "stuff" dirty sweaty shirts or sweaters back to the closet. Take a shirt or t-shirt to wear only once, then attach to washing. As for sweaters - no more than one or two times, otherwise no expensive perfume will block the smell of sweat.

Distribute the terms of charge: for example, it will be responsible for the removal of garbage and "Communication" with a vacuum cleaner. Then you can simply allocate one day a week for joint cleaning, which will make you even closer to each other, because even such a tedious occupation can become a pleasant and cheerful ritual. Finally, remember that flawless people do not happen. Everyone, as they say, their drawbacks, most importantly, so that they do not interfere with the joint happy life. Using mutual understanding and respect, to teach to the order of her husband and achieve the ideal life will not be much difficult.

When in a female circle, one of the friends begins to complain that her husband does not help her around the house, a slim choir, which networks on loafers-husbands and workers and workers-wives is immediately joined. In most families it is so it is. But almost always in the inactivity of men, women themselves are to blame! Let's figure it out if you can add a man to work on the house, and how to do it?

Change habits

As a rule, "legs grow" from the rules in the family of her husband. Most likely, home duties lay on his mom's shoulders, so the son never thought, whereby clean socks, a delicious lunch and a fresh bed. They were just. And suddenly a young wife flashes righteous anger - "Why don't you help me in cleaning an apartment (cooking, washing, etc.)?"

In this case, a man simply does not understand what it is about. In his family, such questions did not arise. Therefore, dear women, without screams and reproaches, calmly and kindly explain to your husband that you both have an equal set of rights and duties. And since you both work, then homework should be divided for two.

Unwillingness to help at home - a family plant from childhood!

Such a conversation should be held from the first day of family life so that the woman does not accumulate irritation and resentment. Immediately warn your husband that you are not going to take the tasks with which he cannot cope with him. Let him begins to help in the simplest and easy business - and then you will complicate the program as needed.

Do not criticize, but explain

So, the conversation "in souls" took place, and the husband agreed to help you as much. Get ready for some things to get worse than yours. But here you choose: if you want everything to be done perfectly, then do yourself and do not demand anything from your husband. If you want to teach your spouse to help you, suffer - and over time he will learn to do well.

Give your husband a simple task - clean the potatoes, collect all dirty underwear and attribute to the bathroom, shake the rug, bring garbage. If necessary - explain in detail how to do it. Do not be nervous and not reproach your spouse! Imagine yourself in his place: what if you were asked to go through the car's motor? No matter how hard you tried, you would collect it wrong. And he has homework.

Do not stick a large number of homework on your husband and do not leave it with the "one-on-one" business, without tips and help, even in order "so that he felt." This is especially true of child care and care. There is a risk that the result of his activity will resemble those comedies in which the wife suddenly leaves, and the husband stays for the whole day with a small child.

In the final of the film, the dirty and bored child eats from a dog's bowl, and the unfortunate tired husband sleeps on the floor near the slab on which the remains of the porridge are expelled. This is a comedy. Funny. In life, everything is different - it is better to pay for several days of learning and understandable explanation, how to cook / wash / wash / clean, than to quarrel and correct made.

Speak straight and not satisfied the scene

Men do not understand allegory, hints and phrases with the population. You do not need to roll your eyes and say: "I'm already at the foot, and even cook dinner," or "Eh, I have a magic wand, so that the apartment is removed by itself." Such phrases of her husband are incomprehensible, so it will be very surprised if you refuse to look at the interesting film with him, and Demonstantly go to sleep with the words "Unlike you - I'm tired!"

It is better to say better than the husband can help you, and clearly outline the circle of his duties - for example, "clean me potatoes and carrots, cut the cabbage, and I will cook the borscht", or "smooth, please, color, white and black underwear Then you load it into the washing machine. " Choose the task easier for the husband to cope with him well. Believe me, over time you can instruct it cooking yourself.

Do not overload the spouse, and he can perfectly perform several cases

It is very important to teach her husband to go for products. Ask him to accompany you to the market and help convey heavy purchases. Emphasize that without him you would never have been able to bring so many products at once. Teach your husband to the thought that more than 3-5 kg \u200b\u200byou can't wear - therefore, going from work, he should call home and find out if you don't need to buy something on the road.

Praise and support

Yes, the husband needs to praise for any help. The excuses "no one praised me" and "this is his duty" is inappropriate. You do not need to overdo and sink with gratitude to the husband, which put the room. But it should not be mocked and it is impossible - it is dimly and stupid. Sarcastic phrases "Wow, you wiped dust and broke anything?" Or "Miracle happened - you finally carried a garbage!" Kill the initiative.

The next time the husband simply refuses you to help, inventing a convenient pretext. If the spouse did something well - be sure to mark it. And if something happened badly - without criticism and expressions of discontent, tell me how to make the next time so that it turned out better. Watch yourself as a good teacher with an intelligent student - he does not know something, but will definitely learn.

Never criticize your husband in girlfriends and parents, do not mention his mistakes - except that he himself wants to tell a ridiculous story about how for the first time I cooked soup. It is better to unobtrusively boast of his achievements in domestic affairs: "I am only a husband for meat for meat - he knows how to choose the best," or "The perfect carpet purity is the merit of her husband. He is very carefully vacuuming. "

Stability in tasks

Men do not like to jump from one task to another. Immediately discuss with my husband, what kind of homework he does not like and what he would not want to do at all. There are men who are glad to be cleaned, but they cannot tolerate the kitchen, while others, on the contrary, will prepare, just do not force them to vacuum and wash the floor.

If you have decided on homework for your husband, try not to change them. Preferably, the man performs the same work on the house for several years. Stability for men is very important - knowing that in the morning on Saturday he should go to the bazaar behind the products, and then spend the apartment, he will not plan for himself something else.

But you will always be confident that you will bring full bags of products, and dust in the apartment will be removed. Therefore, on Friday evening, take care of the list of products that you need, so that the spouse did not wait in the morning while you write it. Remember: any, the most ineptly man, you can teach help to house!

He will be able to cook, wash and care for children is no worse than women do. Just manifest patience and respect, give him time and do not wait for the results at once. Love your husband, even in his mistakes - and correct them with humor, and not with irritation and turmon. It will help you to keep family relationships and get a reliable assistant in your homework.

They say that the choice of a satellite of life is like a situation when you put your hand in a bag with snakes and pull out the horns from there. Of course, units of us are capable of going to marry with really open eyes. Most marry love, and love has an attitude to the pool. All the versatility and complexity of the human person opens only after a certain number of years of joint life, when passions calm, and all masks are torn. On the other hand, being together, we strongly influence each other. Considering that a man is a creature, by nature focused on solving external problems and tasks related to their professional activities, the device of life remains on a woman. It turns out, to tame a husband is quite possible, because in everyday life men are quite amenable to "training", and what the family will be (if not in everything, then in many ways) depends on the woman.

My Sweet and Tender Beast

If you got a soft and tender man, rejoice. Leave fictional romantic longing for a strong shoulder. Strong shoulders are usually tyranov. If the man undertakes the decision of making decisions, protect and ensure the life of his woman, in response, he will require full recognition of him as the head of the family, with all the resulting. If you do not agree with the statement that the place of a woman in the bedroom and in the kitchen, a soft man is what you need. There is an opinion that a man's head, and a woman neck. So, move wisely, you do not need to do sharp movements, otherwise you will get your head. Most women commit a monstrous mistake, making out of a soft male of the podkin. Remember: between "soft, pliable" and "weak, blessing" huge abyss. From a soft man you can grow a real giant in all respects, if you correctly cultivate its hidden qualities.

Praise. Grind its self-esteem, increase its level of importance, help him make strong actions, show your male qualities. IMPORTANT: Praise a man not in a flat place, but only for its specific cases and manifested qualities. Of course, he will not understand that you have done a real man, but will be grateful and tied to you to a coffin board.

Be weak. No matter how weak and inert is he, if you are still weaker, it will certainly find out a man. It can manifest itself in anything, ranging from your inability to screw the light bulb into the cartridge or go through the street, ending with the complaints of the harsh boss. Sometimes, if necessary, use tears, but this is a potent means: it is not necessary to abuse, otherwise the effect will be reverse.

Do not decide for your husband. For a long time, he should have the feeling that all solutions in your family takes. Suppose that it depends on the prosperity in the family, ways to leisure and what you eat for dinner. Do not be afraid, you will not lose your personality, as your husband is soft and malleable, it will always be considered with your opinion. Just do not write, let him learn to choose what you like.

Request. On soft men should never be crushed, you should not blame them, demand something in open text, it is better to unobtrously ask. They love requests that show their own weight in your eyes.

Be aware of dogs!

Many men are creatures wild, unbridled, aggressive from nature and prone to home tyranny. If the woman is too soft, unable to argue, it only disks the man prone to aggression. Alas, there is an essay of Sharia and in our seemingly democratic society. Many men do not respect women, but not because it is such a tradition, they say, a woman is not a man. And because the majority is afraid to put an eye in place. Ultimately, allowing himself to humiliate, the woman herself brings up Tirana in a man. This is such a game who someone. She is in our, human, nature. Yes, of course, the man should be a man, but it never means that he must be a cattle.

Observe. If today you have your own opinion, but you are afraid to speak, after three years it will not be. There is a question of self-preservation personality. A strong bold man will only love the one that will dare to take over the top. And this will definitely happen, you just do not need to make yourself humiliate.

Punish. Of course, you do not need to arrange war and bring everything to death. If a man allowed himself rude to your address, you must give him to understand that he fell in your eyes. Do you think he is neglecting you? Give away, go to live to my mother. Let it have the opportunity to really compare that there is life with you and without you. Most women do not use this effective method of "training" of men because they are afraid of gaps. But if he will really leave you after that, it means he has never been with you. Sadness is this: Women are so afraid of loneliness that they are often satisfied with the illusion of the family.

Snake about seven heads

Put, your husband is not so simple, it is a multifaceted person, and it does not work it. Believe me, everything complex always comes down to simple. There are a number of absolutely general principles of upbringing almost any husband under themselves.

Do not instill in it complexes. Many women love to compare a man with their former, father, brother or anyone else. Big mistake! As a man, a man was either, to force him to complex - it's a simple thing. Want to see a hero or superstar in her husband, treat him as if he is already a hero and superstar. And the day is the day when you will be illuminated by his shine.

Do not blackmail. There is nothing more suitable in order to make a person with his enemy, how to start applying enemy methods to it. This is your close person, and you arrange to him interrogations, put the conditions and prescribe to the wall. Shame and disgrace of that wife, which, living with her husband under the same roof, saw, blackmail and arrange hysterics. Two can build something serious exclusively in tandem.

Love. Alas, women often do not know what to love is. The real love of women is always sacrificing and unconditional. It is not for sale for mink coats and has nothing to do with all-consuming passion in bed. Love is the depth and higher knowledge. This is a refusal of egoistic desires and dedication to another person. If you love your husband, they will be presented, and your family will be beautiful and full. You will learn to rejoice at His successes and help him achieve new heights, will not limit his freedom and interfere with it to develop. And then, only then you will become such a woman, next to which there will always be a worthy man!

If all the households will not be observed in the house, chaos will settle in it. Men first of all should be accepted to regime in nutrition. He must know what time you can have breakfast, dine and dinner in the house. Keep it on a short leash, so as not to sneak up to the refrigerator in aptory time and did not see the taper on dry "extra" pieces.

It is at the initial stage of the married life of a man willingly contribute to the organization of joint housing their hobbies, their taste and fantasy. A special charm acquires an apartment if the spouse managed to embody their creative abilities in the interior of the "caves". Apartment to a certain extent - marriage of marriage.

Go to any house and immediately understand whether there lives a prosperous couple here, whether they are constantly and generally lives if they really have the interests of each other or support the appearance of the marriage.

It is necessary to train a man to limit, that is, he will have to abandon many former habits and weaknesses. This also applies to order in the apartment. Accurate to the fact that personal belongings should have their place, i.e. it is unacceptable scattering of socks, shirts, cigarettes, etc. But it is the little things compared to what you have to teach his leadership of the economy, without which, as they say , the love boat breaks about life. To this not happen, immediately assemble the Family Council and plan on it the balance of food costs, rent, the replenishment of the wardrobe, entertainment, cultural events, the payment of loans, deposits in Sberkassu, etc. Explain that the balance should be built according to the rule: The amounts of expenses correspond to the amounts of income minus from the latest mandatory payments, taxes and reserve money, where you can enter and pocket money. At first, it is not so important what you will spend money, the main thing - the costs should be reasonable and satisfying the needs. The competent management of the economy is the trust of each other and free possession of the Cubashka.

Completely dispose of the cashier or husband or wife - the option is incorrect.

The man should develop a reasonable attitude towards money according to the principle: "Money, like things, must serve people, and not do their slaves." It is important to develop a common economic lifestyle on the Family Council and the common scale of values.

Dress a man not easy. Camping him to order, you should know what exactly you want from it. Making the remark "Do not scatter socks", offer an alternative "fold in the basket for linen ..."

Difficulties in the training of a man, aimed at teaching it to order, consist in your overcoming of the language barrier. For example, you do not have time for the weekend to finish the general cleaning and blame the spouse that he is heartless, as a statue, and did not move his finger to help. This is an incorrect behavior model. And even if you hint that falling down, he may not show mercy, initiatives with a proposal of his help. The surest way is to make a schedule of distributed business workers for a month.

During the training, remember the tact, do not pounce with the accusation: "For a month you never soap and did not remove!" But the request, built as a question "You could not spend the carpet?" And leaving a man the right of choice will lead you to amazement. You will see how willingly he will respond to your offer.

In the process of training partner, it is important to be immediately heard. To do this, think about what you need. Suggest it with a ready replacement that you are trying to eradicate or change to order. For example, instead of the phrase "your dog, and for some reason I walk with her!" Offer a solution: "My dog \u200b\u200bin the morning, and yours - in the evening ..." The man will remain pleased with the fact that the dog needs everything

Inciting the "pet" to order, you need to pay attention not only to its unwanted habits, but also on ugly manners to fix them with good. In other words, you will have to become a teacher of etiquette. First, refer to its posture: when it stands, the back should be straight. If you notice the slouch, it means that it may have a problem with the spine. You understand that the spine for the torso is a framework. A bad frame creates health problems for the whole body ... In this case, a man should be straightforward to fix a position with posture.

And then see how he is generally kept in humans. If he stands, lowering one hand in the pocket of the jacket, it is normal. But in no case should both hands keep trousers in pockets. Communicating, notice his bad manners and try to get rid of them. Just do not wander it at all, it will be very disappointing for your pet.

In many families, the question is the question of how to attract a husband to fulfill home duties? The man does nothing around the house and the requests are not very helpful, and even the scandals from a woman.

How to get from a man participation in home affairs? How including to attract a man to raising children? Maybe this is generally impossible task?

Immediately I will say that this task is performed. Although, of course, men are different, and in some cases there may be quite a long time.

Since I myself was many years ago, I was exactly like a man, I can briefly describe my re-education. (When I started my family life, I also could not do anything and did not participate in my household chores).

Periodically, I, of course, connected to home affairs under the pressure of my wife and did something. But then again ceased to do up to the next pressure. And somehow my wife asked: "Why do you do very little at home and only after endless reminders"?

I thought about this issue. And really, why don't I do anything? It is clear that in the family of my parents I was taught not to do anything, but why am I now, in my family, I continue to do nothing? After all, in principle, I do not mind help your beloved and sometimes I even help.

The answer came pretty quickly.

First, whatever I do around the house, my wife has always been unhappy with this.

There are, of course, and other reasons for the fact that I have little or even did almost nothing around the house, but this is one of the most important. I'm not saying that she came to me unfairly. No, this was not. The discontent has always been fair.

After all, I, as already wrote above, did not know anything to do anything. Naturally, when I started to do something, I didn't just do bad, but very bad. The dirt smeared on the floor, the food burned, things did not stretch, the screwdrive cabinets fell, etc. My wife was unhappy with the quality of my work or even laughed at me.

Of course, after that, my desire to do homework at all did not increase, but only decreased. After hearing me, my wife began to praise me for the slightest help (not to intercepted, of course, but praised in fact, i.e. after I did something). And it doesn't matter that at first I did everything completely wrong, sometimes she had to redo me.

In the first months of my "help" I am sure that she was easier to do everything Self. However, she showed patience, showed if necessary, how to do (and it was almost always necessary) and calmly explained everything. Now I have my own range of homework and I do them without reminder and with normal quality. But believe me that it was not always.

The same with the upbringing of children. A man often tries to help a woman with something, but it is not so shy, then it does not feed, it does not soothes, it doesn't bathe, then something else does "scary". If it is so memorizing a man from education, then he will soon go around the child for 10 meters, just not to do something "not so."

For example, a woman is tired of bringing up children and decided to leave them for a few hours with her husband. The husband agreed and stayed with the children, and his wife went to his girlfriend, go shopping or just take a walk.

It's not very difficult to predict what will happen when it returns. For this
no need to be Sherlock Holmes. The wife returns, and the children are not fed, they eat what the doctor forbade them, they are not laid in time, or sleep without changing in pajamas, lessons are not made, etc. Fantasy is infinite, and any woman who turned out in such a situation may surely tell their stories.

But if you think about, then the husband's behavior is completely predictable. After all, this is the same thing that a person is entitled to a person in which he does not understand and ask him to do.

Suppose a man will ask to depart the engine from his beloved motorcycle. And the woman, if they even try, it will definitely screw off the wrong nut to that bolt. And then a man will be outraged that "Well, it is obvious", "Yes, everything was laid out, just twist," etc.

The same with household duties and raising children. Only it seems that everything is obvious. In fact, for a person who has never performed them, they are not obvious at all and must be learning.

Accordingly, do not remove men from helping to care for children, help in home. And, of course, thank for any help, regardless of quality. At the same time, do not criticize, but calmly explain if he did something wrong.

Secondly, reduce the requirements for the quality of homework.

In principle, I already wrote about this above, but it is necessary to write this item separately.

Understand, dear women that men are in principle are not capable of, especially at the beginning of family life, even approach the quality of homework, which is usually practiced by his wife.

Therefore, there are only two ways.

Path first.

To perform home duties requiring, in the opinion of a woman, quality, to do at first only the most. This path is possible, but it is a purely auxiliary. For example, I do not know how to prepare at least minimally complex dishes, only the most male minimum (a couple of porridge, potatoes, scrambled eggs). Therefore, everything else prepares a loved one, and I perform enough time-consuming, but simple duties, such as buying products, clean, wash, cut, rub, even put a pre-pan with water.

This way is working, but all home duties will not distribute.

Way of the second.

Reduce the quality of homework quality, especially at the beginning. If we are talking about the first stage of family life, it is necessary to reduce the requirements for quality by 20-30%, but at times. It is at times.

Here is a very frequent reason why women cannot teach men to fulfill their homework. After all, no matter how hard a man tried, and he really cannot try to definitely, since it is for him a new and uninteresting work, he cannot perform homework just like a woman.

Therefore, here are two options. Either you are accustomed to the man makes first home duties worse than you, and as learning is still worse than you. Either you will always perform them yourself.

Usually, no matter how hard you tried, you still don't do anyway, as you want (there are exceptions).

My beloved decided so: "Yes, let it be a little worse done, but it will make a husband than everything is perfectly done, but it will do I".

I recommend you to do the same. That is, to make less than 2-3 times of home duties, putting the greater and most time-consuming part of the husband, even if at first there will be a significant deterioration in quality.

Thirdly, tell your husband that you need to help, and do not hint.

Almost every third article on the "Solar Hands" website about the psychology of men I am writing about the fact that men need to talk directly about what you need, and not hint, as they do not understand the hints at all. It is not to understand, and do not pretend that they do not understand. A man does not understand what and what to help a woman in home duties, if she does not speak directly about it.

However, as practice has shown, this particular principle of the psychology of men for some reason is most difficult for women, although he is one of the most important. Therefore, a little repetition.

If you need help a man, then talk about it straight. How to say, can you read in the article "A man does not understand you? Speak directly what you want! " Otherwise, he will not understand, and you will be offended. Your words about what:

- I'm tired of doing homework;

- In my friend's family, the husband helps a lot and they have more time for walking, sex, communication, etc.;

- a lot of dirty clothes accumulated, and I still need to cook;

- the cornice will soon fall;

On my male look, the fantasy of women in order to hint about what they need, instead of saying right, is simply limitless. As Shahryzada, she can invent 1000 and 1 hint that she needs, instead of simply say: "Clean, please, potatoes and a bitter carrot with beets, I weld the borsch." Is it really so difficult? Is it hard to say just what you need?

Apparently not very simple, but I am sure that you will learn how to do it and then your life with a man (and men with you too) will noticeably simplify. And I assure you to learn how to talk directly about what you need is much easier than to teach a man to understand your hints.

Of course, there are other ways, subtleties that facilitate the teachment of a man to fulfill their homework. I recommend reading in detail about them in the book of Anastasia Guy "How to make a man get off the sofa 2. Secrets of happy women" .

If briefly, for example, it is better that the man performs the same responsibilities for many years, and not today, and tomorrow is another. Or, if possible, to distribute home duties so that the man does not do what he really does not like or fails. There are other subtleties, but the main thing is a patient explanation of how something needs to be done with a strong decrease in performance requirements, praise for the help, graduality, especially at the beginning.

And about helping in raising children. In the family of my parents, I "brought up" do not make home duties. It happened about it. I am about 5-6 years old, my mother washes the floor. I take another rag and start to "help". That is, I spill the water and start to deliver dirt at the corners. From such "help", Mom begins to shout at me and criticize. After 10 years, I completely "raised" and did nothing around the house, even if they ask. Do not repeat the mistakes of my parents and educate your sons so that they are not a burden for the future wife and for you when they become adolescents. By the way, this applies not only to sons, but also daughters.

Total, male learning to fulfill home duties without reminder and with acceptable quality is a completely saturated task for any woman. The main thing is to follow the simple and proven in practice by many happy families principles. Then, if you do not wait for too fast results, then the man will definitely begin to do what you need.

Sincerely, Rashid Kirrov.