What to do if your own parents are humiliating? I am humiliated, my parents call me names, they beat me

All moms and dads sometimes make mistakes in raising their own children, but it's one thing when this happens sometimes, in exceptional cases, and another thing is when mistakes become a trend or, even worse, favorite methods of upbringing. All this inevitably leads to a fall in parental authority in the eyes of children, undermines their trust in parents, which means that it knocks out the soil of psychological well-being from under children's feet. Anxiety, aggression, lack of motivation to study are just a few of the consequences of such mistakes, which, without exaggeration, can be called fatal.

So, there are things that parents cannot do, and it would be better if each of us classifies them as unacceptable, "forbidden" educational methods as follows.

Humiliating a child

Unfortunately, humiliation of those who are weaker and cannot give back is a fairly common phenomenon and even finds understanding among others. Hence - the pictures familiar to the eye, when the mother drags her son across the street, holding him by the ear, or when the father, in front of all honest people, scolds his daughter for disobedience. "Raises" - think neighbors, passers-by and bystanders of such scenes. What does the child think? The world is crumbling in his soul at this moment. But it is even worse when all the "collapse" is already behind, and humiliation from the parents has become an ordinary background of life.

Why is that bad... The psyche of a growing personality is formed exclusively in conditions, first of all, close ones. Depending on how mom, dad and other people dear to him treat the child, he either feels protected or not. In the second case, anxiety and the need for protection are fixed in his character, partially going into the unconscious, and then almost certainly become hidden, deep motives of the behavior of an adult.

Aggression response to aggression

It happens that children show signs of aggressiveness - they pinch, bite, fight, throw objects, or somehow throw out their anger at others. And when such outbursts of hostility directly concern parents, they often “give back” to young aggressors so that they “disagree,” and meanwhile, it is extremely undesirable to do so.

Why is that bad. Not always visible are actually it. So, at 1.5-2 years old, the baby is just beginning to learn the world, grope for the boundaries of what is permitted, and biting and pinching is just one of the ways to test them "for strength." At 3-4 years old, the child still often does not understand how to express his dissatisfaction, anxiety, sadness, and sometimes throws them out by attacks on the one who is nearby. As a rule, cruelty is not yet discussed, although there is a risk that aggression will develop into it. To prevent this from happening, it is extremely important for parents to try to demonstrate to the child models of non-aggressive behavior - to emphatically peacefully resolve conflicts, surround the child with calmness and love. If mom and dad respond with aggression to aggression, then a vicious circle turns out - the child does not see another example, and his tendency is aggravated.

Drawing conclusions... Aggression generates even greater aggression - it is worth remembering this every time you want to "pay back in the same coin" to a child who is raging for some reason. Remember - and change the "military" tactics for the tactics of a peaceful settlement.

Threats and blackmail

“Well, now wash the dishes or you’ll be left without dinner!”, “If I see you in this company again, I will not let you out of the house!”, “Oh, you refuse to help me? Then don't come to me with your lessons yourself! " Is it effective? At first glance, yes. But the problem is that such educational measures have only temporary success.

Why is that bad... Firstly, such a way of communicating his will to the child demonstrates the weakness of an adult and, about which the child will certainly draw a conclusion sooner or later. Secondly, this is the surest way to the loss of mutual understanding and emotional contact between the child and the parent. And thirdly, even to such a peculiar style of communication you can get used to, which is what children do, gradually developing in themselves malleability to emotional manipulation and reaping its fruits throughout their subsequent life.

Drawing conclusions... If we want our children to grow up to be empathetic, understanding, able to draw conclusions and have their own opinion people, then in communication with them we must demonstrate all these qualities. With the help of the language of threats and prohibitions, it is possible to achieve only temporary obedience of the child against the background of his gradually developing emotional deafness.

Broken promises

"Immediately promise me never to do that again!" - another kind of blackmail, but especially insidious. With its help, the adult calms his own conscience, shifting responsibility for further misconduct on the child.

Why is that bad. Even from an adult, it is impossible to get him to fulfill a promise made to him without a firm determination to keep his word. Children, as a rule, generally hardly imagine what their parents mean in the word "promise." At the moment when mom or dad, cursing, demands from the child "not to climb trees", "not to take sweets without permission," "not to communicate with this girl" and so on, he has only one desire - to quickly and return to peaceful life. The meaning of this vow is not so important and is forgotten for several hours or even minutes after the incident.

We draw conclusions. Instead of seeking promises from the child that, due to his age, he is not able to keep, it is important to explain to him why certain actions should not be taken, what this threatens. It is necessary to select words, intonations, examples that could convince him of the correctness of our words. There is simply no other way, or it leads to a dead end.

Cheating

Often, adults believe that cheating a child once or twice from good pedagogical motives is not scary. Yes, sometimes such a "lie for the sake of salvation" becomes an effective medicine against whims and stubbornness. It would seem, what's wrong with a harmless lie?

Why is that bad... Children have tremendous intuition and from a certain age they feel great parental insincerity. If they do manage to "catch" mom or dad in a lie, then their parental authority will instantly crack at the seams. Needless to say, it would be strange to demand honesty from a child in this case?

Drawing conclusions... Trust is too expensive to exchange it for with a momentary effect, moreover, friendship is impossible without it. If we want to be friends with our children, we must be honest with them.

You can talk for a long time about how you can and how you can not bring up children, but perhaps the main thing is not to forget the well-known truth, albeit a little paraphrased: treat children as you would like them to treat you, and then everything will be fine for sure.

All moms and dads sometimes make mistakes in raising their own children, but it's one thing when this happens sometimes, in exceptional cases, and another thing is when mistakes become a trend or, even worse, favorite methods of upbringing. All this inevitably leads to a fall in parental authority in the eyes of children, undermines their trust in parents, which means that it knocks out the soil of psychological well-being from under children's feet. Anxiety, aggression, lack of motivation to study are just a few of the consequences of such mistakes, which, without exaggeration, can be called fatal.

So, there are things that parents cannot do, and it would be better if each of us classifies them as unacceptable, "forbidden" educational methods as follows.

Humiliating a child

Unfortunately, humiliation of those who are weaker and cannot give back is a fairly common phenomenon and even finds understanding among others. Hence - the pictures familiar to the eye, when the mother drags her son across the street, holding him by the ear, or when the father, in front of all honest people, scolds his daughter for disobedience. "Raises" - think neighbors, passers-by and bystanders of such scenes. What does the child think? The world is crumbling in his soul at this moment. But it is even worse when all the "collapse" is already behind, and humiliation from the parents has become an ordinary background of life.

Why is that bad... The psyche of a growing personality is formed exclusively in conditions, first of all, close ones. Depending on how mom, dad and other people dear to him treat the child, he either feels protected or not. In the second case, anxiety and the need for protection are fixed in his character, partially going into the unconscious, and then almost certainly become hidden, deep motives of the behavior of an adult.

Aggression response to aggression

It happens that children show signs of aggressiveness - they pinch, bite, fight, throw objects, or somehow throw out their anger at others. And when such outbursts of hostility directly concern parents, they often “give back” to young aggressors so that they “disagree,” and meanwhile, it is extremely undesirable to do so.

Why is that bad. Not always visible are actually it. So, at 1.5-2 years old, the baby is just beginning to learn the world, grope for the boundaries of what is permitted, and biting and pinching is just one of the ways to test them "for strength." At 3-4 years old, the child still often does not understand how to express his dissatisfaction, anxiety, sadness, and sometimes throws them out by attacks on the one who is nearby. As a rule, cruelty is not yet discussed, although there is a risk that aggression will develop into it. To prevent this from happening, it is extremely important for parents to try to demonstrate to the child models of non-aggressive behavior - to emphatically peacefully resolve conflicts, surround the child with calmness and love. If mom and dad respond with aggression to aggression, then a vicious circle turns out - the child does not see another example, and his tendency is aggravated.

Drawing conclusions... Aggression generates even greater aggression - it is worth remembering this every time you want to "pay back in the same coin" to a child who is raging for some reason. Remember - and change the "military" tactics for the tactics of a peaceful settlement.

Threats and blackmail

“Well, now wash the dishes or you’ll be left without dinner!”, “If I see you in this company again, I will not let you out of the house!”, “Oh, you refuse to help me? Then don't come to me with your lessons yourself! " Is it effective? At first glance, yes. But the problem is that such educational measures have only temporary success.

Why is that bad... Firstly, such a way of communicating his will to the child demonstrates the weakness of an adult and, about which the child will certainly draw a conclusion sooner or later. Secondly, this is the surest way to the loss of mutual understanding and emotional contact between the child and the parent. And thirdly, even to such a peculiar style of communication you can get used to, which is what children do, gradually developing in themselves malleability to emotional manipulation and reaping its fruits throughout their subsequent life.

Drawing conclusions... If we want our children to grow up to be empathetic, understanding, able to draw conclusions and have their own opinion people, then in communication with them we must demonstrate all these qualities. With the help of the language of threats and prohibitions, it is possible to achieve only temporary obedience of the child against the background of his gradually developing emotional deafness.

Broken promises

"Immediately promise me never to do that again!" - another kind of blackmail, but especially insidious. With its help, the adult calms his own conscience, shifting responsibility for further misconduct on the child.

Why is that bad. Even from an adult, it is impossible to get him to fulfill a promise made to him without a firm determination to keep his word. Children, as a rule, generally hardly imagine what their parents mean in the word "promise." At the moment when mom or dad, cursing, demands from the child "not to climb trees", "not to take sweets without permission," "not to communicate with this girl" and so on, he has only one desire - to quickly and return to peaceful life. The meaning of this vow is not so important and is forgotten for several hours or even minutes after the incident.

We draw conclusions. Instead of seeking promises from the child that, due to his age, he is not able to keep, it is important to explain to him why certain actions should not be taken, what this threatens. It is necessary to select words, intonations, examples that could convince him of the correctness of our words. There is simply no other way, or it leads to a dead end.

Cheating

Often, adults believe that cheating a child once or twice from good pedagogical motives is not scary. Yes, sometimes such a "lie for the sake of salvation" becomes an effective medicine against whims and stubbornness. It would seem, what's wrong with a harmless lie?

Why is that bad... Children have tremendous intuition and from a certain age they feel great parental insincerity. If they do manage to "catch" mom or dad in a lie, then their parental authority will instantly crack at the seams. Needless to say, it would be strange to demand honesty from a child in this case?

Drawing conclusions... Trust is too expensive to exchange it for with a momentary effect, moreover, friendship is impossible without it. If we want to be friends with our children, we must be honest with them.

You can talk for a long time about how you can and how you can not bring up children, but perhaps the main thing is not to forget the well-known truth, albeit a little paraphrased: treat children as you would like them to treat you, and then everything will be fine for sure.

Anonymous, age: 08/13/2008

Feedback:

Hi, I ask you to come to our forum, they will help you there. If possible, then come in.

You are only 2 years old. Don't listen to others, listen to your heart.

Lesha Medved, age: 08/13/2008

I think you need to start an independent life as soon as possible - away from relatives who do not behave at all like native people ... Try to find a job and rent a room or apartment - at least you need to calm down and think about the future. IMHO, it would be nice to turn to a psychologist and work out all these problems with him - just not to drive them inside. But most importantly, do not think that life is meaningless. You are a creation of God, which means that God has a plan for you. At least try to call Him for help, pray, and ask all the questions that torment you. Try praying for your parents, your brother, yourself. You will not regret! And try to find an area of \u200b\u200bactivity where you could do something to help other people. This brings spiritual satisfaction: as they say, "it is bad for yourself - help another." Hold on. Good luck to you!

Ronnie, age: 29/13/2008

Hey! Why live, you ask? I think that we should try to live for God, not for someone or for something, but only for Him. Try to do some kind of good deed for another person whom you do not know at all, for example, give up a seat in the transport to an elderly person, or even the simplest thing that does not require any effort on your part, smile. Just smile at any child on the street or any other person. But just do it as if you saw Jesus in front of you. Do it for him. You are a weak and unhappy person, like all of us, you cannot do anything without Him, and love and understanding and everything else you can find only in Him. If you don't succeed, then that's very good. True! If you read the teachings of some holy fathers, you would understand this. The Lord comes first of all to those who are weak, to those who are tired, who are alone and unhappy. He came to save the sick, not the healthy, for they do not need a doctor. Look who the Lord healed - the sick, the blind, the deaf, the dumb. It is not written anywhere that he healed the happy and self-sufficient.
But most importantly, think about this: if you knew that there is a person who died for you, died a violent death, a shameful death, who was bullied so that you could not even look at it. more than anyone else in the world who died for you to live. He died to be with you every minute of your life. Neither brother, nor mom, nor dad, nor any of the people can do this, but He can. The one who shed his blood to cleanse your heart and give you hope for happiness ... Could you betray such a person? The person who loves you more than anyone else in the world?
Think about it if you want to write.

Goldirom, age: 33/08/13/2008

First, you don't have to think about death every day. You still have time to die, but it's unlikely to come to life later.
Secondly, if there are problems, do not whine, but think about how to solve them. I know many stories and many people whose life looks like hell, but they do not lose their optimism, "flounder" and continue to live.
Third, get rid of the hatred. It destroys. No understanding with your parents? Are they poisoning your life? Get out of the house. Enter at least a vocational school, even a university, get a job at a factory to give a "hostel". Do something, do something. Every problem has a solution, and more than one.
Fourthly, there are few people to whom true love comes at the age of 20. And in general, love is a difficult thing. This is not pink, slobbering happiness, as in women's paperback novels, this is, first of all, a huge mental work (to change oneself for the better, be more tolerant of a partner, learn to sacrifice, etc.).
Fifth, real friends don't come out of nowhere. Friendship is as difficult as love. Friends appear over time, are tested in difficult situations. You are only 20, there is still a lot of time ahead, there will be situations and friends.
Do not be afraid of people, do not be afraid to live. Don't be sour! The rescue of the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves. Nobody can help you except you. Unfortunately, there is no magic tablet "Happiness" or a good fairy godmother in the world. No need to despair !!! The road will be mastered by the walking !!! Start moving forward, and everything will work out !!! Good luck!

Elle, age: 08/13/2008

Hello. You know, you and I are alike in this ... I was also often betrayed by my friends, the guy betrayed me, and I have problems with my parents. But you are only 20, you still have everything ahead of you. This, of course, is trite, but it is true. And, you know, I wanted to commit suicide, I drank pills and cut my veins, but still I live ... Not for someone else, but for myself ... I live in spite of my "friends", enemies, but if you die, then everyone will just think that they are stronger than you. Spit on everyone and build your life, set a goal for yourself and live looking forward!

gotika2193, age: 08/13/2008

You are looking for meaning, but life is much easier than it seems at first glance. I myself have thought many times about leaving this life, and ... I am very ashamed of it. first of all before God. and passing by the church, I often do not ask for help, but simply forgive to forgive me.

I want to tell you - never demand meaning from life! only you can invent it and give it life. I am sure that this meaning will change more than once in your head over time. so just skip this topic, and the meaning will come, and after it the desire to live. it happens, I know many people very similar to you, with problems similar to yours and even worse.
think, how much will change when you meet love? love does not promise to be yours forever. what if it doesn't happen forever. it is difficult, but you need to learn to be the mistress of your life and destiny. after all, as they say, whoever wants to live leads life, and who does not want to, she drags him against his will.
and parents - we do not choose them. therefore, there is no point in judging them, you are already a big girl, who also has access to the Internet, and therefore, perhaps not everything is so bad in your family.

anonymous, age: 08/13/2008

Sunny, do you have the opportunity to rest with your Soul? He can do pleasant little things, read interesting books or do something else for himself. You can just think about life, look at it from the outside. It is very important to determine what kind of life you want, in the smallest detail ... who should be there, where you want to live, how to relax and where to work ... Ask questions and the answers will come. And then start changing your attitude to what is happening. Everything passes, and the struggle is not forever. Hatred gives rise to hatred in response ... Try to react more calmly ... Parents do not support you ... then you need to learn to support yourself morally. First, change your attitude towards yourself, love yourself, and this will give greater independence from the people around you, from them opinions. You are a Beautiful Man. You know .... "your mission is the shining path, no matter how dark the night is." You will definitely meet people who are close in spirit, they are there and they will not betray. Man does not come to Earth to live his life alone ...
Good luck :)

Sky Seeker, age: 08/14/2008

For starters, don't be afraid to show this article to your parents! For what? To know what it means to humiliate a child! After all, children begin to be afraid of people or to doubt themselves, their self-esteem goes down, in your case because of their parents! They are good. They are family. They reproach you for being bad. It is not right. That's just terrible! For them, YOU are the most important thing! They must respect you. Let them start treating you differently. And a brother hates, so it is in almost every family. Especially if he is small, about 15 years old, younger than you, do not pay attention. Children just see that you feel bad. So they start to make you worse. For communication, try chatting on the Internet. There you will have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Support each other. Self-esteem will already rise! They betray exactly everyone. This must be experienced. This should make you even stronger! Thank them for shitting you now! You will understand people more! Do something. There are many bad things in life. Highly. But goodness also exists here. Or if you can't, talk to a psychologist! But first, show this article to your parents. Or, if you can't, tell them that you don't like the way they treat you. Good luck to you!

Christina, age: 25 / 15.08.2008

It doesn't always happen and everything is bad.
Everything in the world is balanced. And if it's bad now, then it will be good. After some time, everything will return to you in full ... And you will understand and be happy that you have not done anything stupid.
Be patient, dear, and listen to your heart.

Dima, age: 32 / 08/18/2008

Don't make me laugh, go away from your parents, I would be there to help, but alas .. Start life separately from them, believe me, my parents and family are the same ... Well, no, I live, I don't give a damn about everything, I'm not with to live with them, I will wait for my time and gladly leave them, but you are already big - pack your things and leave as far as possible ...

lesja, age: 17 / 25.04.2009

Leave your Lord your need for a simple prayer to him. This prayer can come from your heart and the words in it are unlearned ... what the heart wants to say to the Heavenly Father, let him say that He will open the way for you to go further, give you strength and Hope to entrust all your problems to Him. .. You will certainly see the result of His actions in your life. You are on this planet for a reason, and the Lord has a plan for the salvation of a soul that has been given into His hands. Amen.

Elena, age: 41 / 09/18/2009

You know, it's hard to believe, but everything is exactly the same with me! I also have a brother and he tells me that too. Parents constantly reproach that I do not want anything, do not want to study. Today I thought to swallow pills and die, but then I realized that this is not an option, that I will not prove anything with this, and if I die, then sooner or later everyone will forget about it. You are only 20. You are still young and you have everything in front (everyone has already told you) You just have to endure everything, endure and do not care about everyone who prevents you from living a normal life !!!

Masya, age: 12/24/2009

It is very difficult to describe them, but I will try to do it in detail and in order. I am not the first child in the family. I have a brother who is 8 years older than me. His mother gave birth to him when she was still studying at the institute, and my grandmother (her mother) generously offered her help in caring for the child so that my mother would not take academic. At the same time, the grandmother herself is a very tough, stubborn and cruel person. When my mother tells me about her childhood, I can’t hold back my tears, I feel so sorry for her. She was constantly beaten and humiliated in childhood, although she was obedient, at school there were only fives and letters, etc. And all her youth, she thought that it should be so, that this is right and that her grandmother loves her anyway. Perhaps that's why she agreed to her help. As a result, my grandmother, as I now understand, convinced my brother that his mother is bad and does not love him. I threw out my mother's gifts. And my mother did not have the courage to stop all this then, because she was brought up with the idea that "you cannot contradict your mother."
As a result, the brother remains to this day to live with his grandmother, who spoiled him in many ways and now complains how hard it is with him. He did not want to live with us, although his mother took him right after the institute.
My grandmother did not want me to be born. I do not know why. And when my mother nevertheless decided to go against her, the grandmother did not help her either during pregnancy or after childbirth. But she systematically instilled and instills in my brother that my mother loves me more than him.
When I was little, my parents and I lived in a little one-room apartment. This period was probably the brightest memory of our life. Then my parents did not fight often, my relationship with my father was very warm and my mother was strict, but in moderation. Sometimes before or after school I had to stay with my grandmother for reasons, so she rarely pampered me with her affection. For the slightest offense, she screamed, beat, exposed everything to my mother in such a light, as if I had killed someone, and had not spilled paint on myself. I hated staying with her.
Then we moved to a new house. I was 12 years old. Since then, hell began in our family. Parents very often swore, fought. I cried, tried to separate them, but my father only threw me away. After the quarrels, he cried, asked me to reconcile them with my mother, forced me to listen to his thoughts on divorce and generally play the role of his personal psychologist. I could not refuse out of pity, although these conversations traumatized me mentally. Also, relations with him deteriorated against the background of the fact that his relatives acted badly and disrespectfully towards him and my mother, but he was always on their side. Since then, I have lost confidence in him and do not feel secure on his part. Subsequently, these feelings only grew stronger from other such actions of his.
And six months ago there was such a scandal at home between my parents that a fight broke out between my father and me when he rushed at my mother with his fists. I remember screaming in tears that I hate him, that I am ashamed of him. I remember hitting and pushing him. After my words, he burst into tears. Said he won't touch us anymore. Five minutes later he returned to the room, started yelling at my mother and accusing her that it was she who persuaded me to say so. Apparently, I could not accept that at that moment I was speaking sincerely. And now I am sick of living with the thought that my relationship with my father is so disgusting and abnormal that they allow such words and behavior. It's okay for us to ignore each other, it's okay for my father to annoy me. But it hurts me a lot.
In the new house, relations with my mother became worse. She became much stricter. Everything should be at her direction. When I do something new for myself and I do not succeed the first time, then my morality is humiliated so that at least at the same moment go and hang yourself. At the same time, all successes are taken for granted.
I also enrolled to become a doctor at her request. I didn't want to work in a hospital. But I was told that either medicine or bad relations with my parents. As a result, my studies do not have the expected success and I am called the disgrace of this family.
She also constantly complains to me about her father. This, too, I think, played a role in my relationship with him. He, of course, offends her often. But sometimes she is too rude, which provokes him. When I live in another city, my mother sometimes calls me during their scandal, in order to scare my father. I hear screams on the phone, her tears. And I want to climb the walls because I can't help them. After that, I have to play the role of family psychologist again. It is impossible to refuse: my father threatens with hints of suicide, and my mother says that I am an ungrateful daughter.
In matters of my appearance, my mother also thinks that she knows everything better than me, she also humiliates if I do not agree.
I tried to explain to her that it is impossible for close people to say this, but she is only indignant and again calls me ungrateful.
The paradox is that despite this pain, I am most attached to my mother. I really miss her when we are apart, I share a lot with her. She cares about me, I can't say that I am somehow deprived financially. Protects from my father, he likes to rip a bad mood on me.
Help. Perhaps I am in something wrong, because I also upset my parents. I cannot meet absolutely all of their requirements. But I'm trying.
It is very difficult for me to build a relationship with my boyfriend, because it is difficult for me now to respect my father as a man and I am afraid that my relationship will be the same as that of my parents. It's hard for me to trust a man. It is difficult in general to associate yourself with my future family, because in ours everyone behaves hypocritically. I'm afraid of repetition.
Also, I absolutely do not believe in myself, I cannot start something new, meet and communicate with people, I am afraid of exams and tests to hysteria. The thought that I am stupid, awkward, ugly and that nothing will work out for me is firmly in my head. And if it doesn't work out, someone will punish me. I noticed that I constantly try to please people, I ask for praise. Someone just trying to seem better than I am. If someone tells me that I am good, tries to motivate me, then I start crying. Because I just can't believe these words.
I'm not particularly proud of my past in terms of intimate life. I slept with guys just because I could feel beautiful at least for a while, that I could please someone, that they seemed to love me. I was lucky that it ended without any unpleasant consequences and no one knows about it. But I hate myself for that.
Therefore, I take any negative in my address for granted.
At the same time, I am ashamed to complain about my parents like that, it seems to me that I am really ungrateful. I realize that they are just people and just made a mistake in my upbringing, they love me as best they can. I know that these are all the consequences of how they were brought up. But I don't know at all how I can live with it. I want to be happy, I'm tired of crying all the time. I do not want to offend my current young man, but I often behave coldly with him, although I love him. I just can't express these feelings, in our family there is always a certain distance between everyone, even when everything is fine.
I’m scared that I’ll try to please my parents and end up living a life that is not my own.
How can I get rid of these fears? How to start living normally? And please advise what literature you can read, which will push me to the necessary thoughts and actions, respectively.

Not all violence results in bruises and abrasions. Sometimes the abuse is almost invisible and leaves only emotional scars on the victim. Emotional bullying is not associated with physical traces, but it can have long-term negative effects on social, emotional and physical health and development. Fortunately, there is always hope. As a first step, the child may turn to adult school staff or neighbors. Regardless of age, it is helpful to set boundaries and keep your distance from the abuser. It is equally helpful to get psychological help and learn how to manage stress.

Steps

Ask for help

Share your experiences with friends and family. In an unpleasant situation, it is always calming to be able to lean on a friendly shoulder. Share the situation with those closest to you and ask for support. They can cheer you up with a kind word, acknowledge the legitimacy of your feelings, and offer advice.

• For example, say the following: "You may be very surprised, but I have problems in my family. Mom constantly yells at me and says that nothing worthwhile will grow out of me. These are just words, but they are very depressing."

1. Talk to a trusted adult. A child facing abuse at home may turn to a relative, teacher, priest, or other trusted adult. Don't let your parent intimidate and silence you. Another adult can intervene if the child is powerless to do anything.

   See a psychotherapist. Emotional bullying is detrimental to people. Without professional help, the risk of low self-esteem and an inability to build healthy relationships increases. Getting rid of negative beliefs and thoughts after emotional abuse can be difficult, but a psychologist or therapist can help you deal with it.

   • See a therapist who specializes in these situations.
   • Most schools have in-house psychologists, so children can get free and confidential help. Describe the situation: "I have problems at home. Dad does not hit me, but constantly calls me names and insults in the presence of other family members. Can you help me?"
   • An adult needs to go to a local clinic or choose an insurance doctor.
   • You can also get help in a private clinic for cash.

Move away

1. Do not engage in verbal abuse. Leave if you start to offend. You don't have to stay, keep talking on the phone, or go to the person who offends you. Don't let your parents convince you that you deserve this treatment. Better set boundaries and stick to rules.

   • Do not visit or call if your parents insult you.
   • If you live with parents who scream and humiliate you, then go to your room or to a friend's house.
   • Set boundaries for communication: "I will call once a week, but at the first insult, I will hang up."

2. Strive for financial independence. Don't live with parents who emotionally humiliate you, and don't let them take over you. Such abusers often create addiction in order to control the person. Start earning, make friends and build your life. Don't rely on abusive parents for anything.

   • Try to get an education.
   • Move at the earliest opportunity for financial independence.
   • If you can't get an education without the financial help of abusive parents, then take care of yourself and set boundaries.

3. Stop communicating. You may feel obligated to your parents, but in situations of abuse, it becomes more difficult to be involved, especially if the attitude continues for a long time. If the relationship gives you pain, and not love, then it is better to stop all communication.

   • You don't have to take care of those who offend and humiliate you.
   • If neighbors and acquaintances do not understand why you ended your relationship with your parents, then you do not have to explain anything.
   • In a conversation with an abusive parent, it is not always possible to "put an end". If you do not want to communicate, but are afraid to miss the opportunity to put an end to it, then ask yourself: did your parents ever want to listen to me? Do they acknowledge my feelings? If not, it's best to stop communicating.

4. Protect your children. Don't make your children feel the same as you. Intervene if your parents overly criticize or abuse your children. You can simply end the conversation or stop maintaining a relationship.

   • Say the following: "We do not talk to Misha in that tone. If you do not like the way he eats, then talk to me about it."
   • Your children's childhood will be happier if they don't have to listen to insults from their grandparents.

Take care of yourself

1. Avoid aspects that annoy your offenders. You probably know the irritants that can turn on your parents. Learn to recognize them in order to avoid such situations or to evade humiliation in a timely manner.

   • For example, if your mother always yells at you after drinking, then immediately leave the house when you see her with a bottle.
   • If your father is trying to belittle your achievements, then it is better not to tell him about your successes. Share with the people who support you.

2. Find safe places in your home. Identify safe havens (like your bedroom). Find another place to spend time there, study and relax. This could be a library or your friend's house. This way you will not only get support from friends, but also protect yourself from the abuse and contempt of your parents.

   • You need to protect yourself from insults, but understand that it is not your fault if your parent does start to humiliate you. There is no excuse for such behavior of parents in the form of your words or actions.

3. Create a security plan. If the abuse is not physical, it does not mean that the situation cannot get worse. Create a plan to ensure your safety if a parent starts to use physical force or your life is at risk.

   Spend time with people who are good to you. Healthy self-esteem is the best way to counteract moral humiliation. Alas, many victims of humiliation have low self-esteem. To solve the problem, spend more time with good friends, kind family members, and people who contribute to your personal growth.

   • You can also do what you do well. Become a member of a sports team or youth movement in a school or community organization. By doing this, you will not only learn to appreciate yourself, but you will also begin to leave the house more often.

4. Set personal boundaries. You are free to set your boundaries in the relationship. If possible, try talking to your parents and explaining what kind of behavior you will not tolerate.

   Learn to manage stressful situations. There is no doubt that emotional humiliation leads to stress and even persistent problems like PTSD and depression. Learn to relieve stress by doing positive things.

   Focus on your positive traits. Regardless of what the abusive parent says, you are a worthy person with good qualities. Don't listen to insults and ridicule. Consider how you can increase your self-esteem and learn to love yourself, especially when you are not getting it from your parents.