Last time, our readers discussed various methods of hair removal on this page: http://lazer.in.ua/lazernaya-epilyatsiya.html And today let's talk about relationships.

I ask for help in this matter. I'm married. I love my husband, but I notice that sometimes I am drawn to other men. I'm interested in their attention. I can’t figure out why this is happening, and I’m afraid to do something stupid.

Alena (Simferopol).

ANSWER FROM THE EXPERT Anna LUKYANOVA

If some woman tells me that she never wanted an affair “on the side”, I won’t believe it. Well, maybe not quite a “serious” romance, but all women want a passionate admirer, passionate experiences.

Good news - this desire is natural. That is, to be attracted to a "stranger" man is normal. I will even say more, it is due to physiology. Women are several times sexier and more sensitive than men, so they respond more actively to exciting stimuli. And in the presence of even the most beautiful lover, we need male attention. We need more erotic experiences. And if these desires are suppressed, we wither and turn into hypocrites.

How to behave in such moments?

1. Rejoice. I'm not kidding. Accepting your desire is not so easy. Social rules put too much pressure on us: “It’s not good what people think, I’m not some kind there ... I’m decent, etc.” You need to say to yourself: “If I like a man, then I am a woman!”

2. Play a short game. Flirting is great on its own. If you had a long look or a kiss, it means that you only had a look and only a kiss. You don't owe anything to anyone. You don't have to finish the game... As top model Audrey Marnet said, "First it was candy, then men, and then again I wanted candy..."

3. Don't make plans.

Will I see you in the evening?

I don't like making plans for such a distant future.

We forget that a new attraction should develop according to a certain algorithm. A man offers to sit in a cafe after work, and questions are already spinning in our head: “What will come of this? Does he want me or is it love? Why label? Flowers, cinema, bed, double life, torments, a new stamp in the passport, etc. In short, there is no need to make plans for a radical change in life after a few pleasant meetings.

A friend from St. Petersburg called me the other day, who always has very difficult relationships with men (at the time of our conversation with her, her permanent man, an Irishman, was in his homeland) and chirped cheerfully: “I met a wonderful man in a club. I don’t need anything from him, and I feel so good with him!”

Creating in our thoughts the “right” relationship kills ease, and, accordingly, pleasure.

4. Save energy. The attention of a man is an energy gift. We receive gifts and accumulate desire for our loved one. Clever men rejoice when others like their woman, and make her feel desirable. And they get it in full when the excited stream falls on them.

I wish you a pleasant attraction!

Smell

Body language revelations

Body language in attraction

This increases dopamine levels and it clears the way to love. Men and women are attracted to people who seem mysterious to them. It's appealing to feel like you've discovered a hidden treasure to be explored. The neural patterns heighten the excitement because mysterious strangers have the allure of the unknown, the new.

Even if a stranger is annoying, these people belong to the same social group, are equally attractive and intelligent, have similar values, interests, and communication skills. In this regard, one is looking for its mirror image, which is called "assortative mating." The chance of falling in love is greatest among people who are unknown, but have a similar social and intellectual background. In addition, the immune system has a role to play, as it must be different from their own, but compatible with it.

Eye contact

The immune system can smell and perfume covers it. That's why it's important to leave odor-free. From an evolutionary perspective, healthy babies can be born through the right mix of immune systems. Sweet spot: We prefer symmetrical faces and bodies and value them more attractively. In addition, the partner must be well distributed. Balanced male physicists have reproductive advantages as they have their first intercourse an average of four years ago, have more sexual partners, and are more likely to orgasm with them.

something inexplicable

Women try to give the most symmetrical picture of themselves with the help of makeup and make the face more even. By the way, young people are more symmetrical than older ones. What Helen Fisher doesn't mention is "something specific". Why does the spark jump to Him or Her, of course, where there are others that seem to be a better match?

At one time, the founder of modern psychology, Z. Freud, tested in his own practice the assumption that a girl is subconsciously attracted to a man who resembles her own father, and boys are attracted to a girl similar (in psychological terms) to their mother.

The attraction of opposites

love in return

Poets called this state love at first sight, when a guy and a girl, having barely met, feel an unprecedented attraction. Scientists today are investigating this phenomenon and put forward several assumptions about the nature of such feelings.

Men and women are different. It has been scientifically proven that women during their fertile days are particularly strong in regards to masculine attributes such as B. A particular chin is attracted more than otherwise. In general, however, men pay more attention to the appearance of women, while for women, intelligence and status are important attractions, prof.

Attractiveness in choosing a partner. External manifestations play a role in the choice of a helper, but do not completely dominate. It is a certain thing, the character of our colleague, to which we are attracted and which we often cannot put into words. Do you know how to tell when a person is attracted to you through their body language? We are talking to you about the role that bodily expression plays in two-person attraction situations.

The article discusses the most famous of them.

Why a man is attracted to a woman: biology

Smell

According to this theory, each person releases special substances - pheromones. They practically do not smell, but act on the olfactory receptors that send a signal to the brain. He, in turn, unconsciously interprets them as an attractive aroma, and the person becomes interesting as a partner.

Body language revelations

If someone knows how to read body language or is very observant, they will know that this type of communication can convey a lot of conscious and unconscious information about a person. Spoken language is much easier to control, it is more conscious, but what is connected with the body usually eludes control.

Body language in attraction

For this reason, it's important to know what the body language is between two people when one of them is attracted to the other, because who wouldn't want to know if the person you feel interested in is attracted to?

Non-verbal language reveals our closest feelings, less deliberately and truthfully than verbal language, since psychic defenses are usually not as effective over the long term.

Women and men have different types of pheromones, the intensity of which increases during periods of abstinence, good mood, etc.

Eye contact

Another theory suggests that people are attracted to each other by staring. In the animal kingdom, the latter is a signal of danger, awakening a zone in the brain that decides to approach the object or move away. A person perceives this shake-up as a state of love.

Sometimes it's not easy to interpret sign language, but there are some patterns that play a key role in situations of attraction. Eye Contact: Should not be excessive because it can be intimidating, but show interest with little eye play. The way they look also speaks volumes about contact and emotion, just as they claim to expand students to what they like. Smiling is a sign of interest and usually attracts the other person because it shows closeness and happiness. There are many types of smiles, some are inciting and others are tougher, learn to differentiate them! Physical contact: This increases greater closeness to the person we are touching. Soft physical contact, sometimes spontaneous or even unwanted, can be the beginning of something else. When a person crosses his arms over the chest, it may be that he is cold or that he is defending himself unconsciously, this can also give rise to the feeling that he is closed and not ready.

It is important not to take the above as if they were 10 commandments and evaluate everything as a whole.

In favor of this assumption is the study of American scientists, where they offered the subjects to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. At a close look, many noted the emergence of pleasant feelings for the counterpart.

Why is drawn to a person: psychology

At one time, the founder of modern psychology, Z. Freud, tested in his own practice the assumption that a girl is subconsciously attracted to a man who resembles her own father, and boys are attracted to a girl similar (in psychological terms) to their mother.

Physical cues can be conflicting because not everything is cause and effect, and for good interpretation it is important to jointly evaluate the verbal with the non-verbal. When it comes to attraction body language, we must distinguish between two important factors: the position of the echo, which is when the other person takes the same position as one, and the movement of the echo, when the other person copies the movement of one.

Research: Analyzing Body Language of Attraction

These two aspects would be important, as the researchers suggest that individual movements are not important, but patterns of movement, as those would be the ones that tell us the story of attraction between two people. There has been a lot of research on body language related to attraction to see what signs it can show.

Source: Fisher, Helen: This is the first delicate, carefree ecstasy. Men only on models and women only on well-trained men? Attractiveness research is a broad field that also includes the billion dollar media, fitness and cosmetics industries. But attractiveness is not the same as beauty, above all, it also includes the main characteristics of a person.

Together we are more beautiful, the researchers found in different experiments. First, the subjects of the study automatically rated the person in the photo with multiple "real" faces on top of each other to be more attractive. On the other hand, the "cheerleader" effect, for example, means that people in a group look more attractive than looking at them individually.

At the same time, people are not able to see this similarity, but intuitively strive to find a partner that matches the parent's psychotype. Not without reason, acquaintances often note how much the bride looks like the groom's mother in her youth.

The attraction of opposites

Another idea explains attraction by the desire to compensate for one's own shortcomings with the virtues of a partner. And having met an object with the necessary qualities, a person experiences tender feelings for him, called the state of being in love.

In this case, we will focus on a study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior that analyzed the behavior of two people who felt mutual attraction, paying particular attention to the body language of both people.

If we focus on the material that was obtained from the analysis of body language, we specifically analyzed the movements of the head, shoulders, arms, arms, torso and legs.

Contrary to what has been seen in previous studies, attraction was predicted by timing patterns rather than simple imitation of body language. From the results, rhythmic structures of synchronous movements were obtained, patterns of body movement that people adopted.

However, in the above studies, attention is usually paid only to external ones. An appeal, however, involves much more. Karl Grammer talks about the nine universal pillars of attractiveness: youth, symmetry, skin and hair condition, movement, smell, voice, height, hormonal markers, and mediocrity.

The smell of our colleague is especially important in terms of attractiveness. First, deodorant or perfume play a crucial role, but your own body odor. Because each body reacts to stress, malnutrition, anxiety and other environmental influences differently, and the skin removes these different substances through the pores.

love in return

Seeing special attention from a man to his person, a woman feels most desirable and perfect for this person. There is an unconscious desire to answer him the same, the girl is drawn to the guy. The result is a mutual feeling. The same is true in the opposite situation: a man falls in love with a lady who adores him.

As with previous studies, this study found that it was this woman who typically initiated and controlled these samples. And, of course, the more interested a woman was in a woman, the more complex were the movement patterns of her body language. So, in conclusion, potential couples prove their compatibility non-verbally by building symphonies of body language, with women being the primary drivers. Given the complexity of this description, it's pretty clear why movement synchrony is never commented on in fashion magazines, although it's probably the closest thing to the truth about how non-verbal attractions are discussed.

The nature of man makes him attractive. However, attractiveness goes beyond Professor Grammer's nine pillars. Although we are easily impressed by outward features, it is above all the essence of a person that makes him seem attractive in general - although sometimes only at first sight. Character, humor, naturalness, charisma are important. But groomed impressions and intelligence are important factors. Intelligence does not mean a classical level of education. Rather, it is an opportunity to have a stimulating and entertaining conversation that speaks to us.

It is impossible to say that this or that theory is the most correct, therefore each of them has the right to exist.

Perhaps our article Why men love women will also help you.

Attention, only TODAY!

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Laws of mutual attraction

Why do some people attract us so strongly that they become our partners for a long time? We are discussing this with Jungian analyst Tatyana Rebeko.

How to explain our strong, irresistible attraction to certain people?

Tatyana Rebeko: The first impulse in any relationship always comes from our unconscious. It sort of scans the unconscious of another, and if it enters into resonance with it, then an instant reaction of recognition arises: this is my person! Only then do we try to explain to ourselves why this person attracted us. A special situation is passionate love. During this period, we are completely captured by unconscious drives, we experience a state of "absolute unconsciousness", as the great analyst Carl Gustav Jung called it. So our interaction with people is subject to certain psychological laws, and when the decision is made by the unconscious, we are not free in ourselves.

Why among the multitude of people we choose this particular person?

Usually this one and only becomes the one who is better than others in helping us to cope with two tasks. Or reveals certain facets of our "I", which before meeting with him remained unrealized. Or, thanks to communication with this person, we can keep in the unconscious some part of our ideas about ourselves, which frightens us too much, is too painful. For example, a woman grew up in a family where she unquestioningly obeyed her parents, and now it is difficult for her to be independent. Most likely, she will “choose” either a self-confident, assertive man, communication with whom will teach her to be more persistent and tough, or as soft and resigned as herself: this will help her leave her lack of independence in the “shadow”. In both cases, her choice will not be completely random: most likely, these men have similar unconscious complexes and conflicts, they could have had similar relationships with their parents.

Is it only the unconscious that influences our choices?

We also choose a partner rationally (more often this applies to love relationships, not friendships), but the unconscious, in this case, sooner or later will make itself felt. For example, a woman, having weighed all the pros and cons, decides that this man will be an ideal husband for her, that with him she will realize her ideas about family life. However, on the eve of the wedding, she may suddenly change her mind, succumbing to some (inexplicable) impulse. So, at the last moment, her unconscious, protesting against this marriage, takes over and opens the way to finding another way to choose a partner.

In other cases, we are driven by narcissism: we are attracted mainly by the attention and feelings of the other directed at us. At the same time, we do not accept the partner as he is - we see in him only what we want to see. Most often, we associate life with people of the same circle with us.

What is it connected with?

There are several reasons. On the one hand, we have similar upbringing, family relationships, level of education, and therefore these people are understandable to us. Such recognition gives a sense of security: we can predict how our relationship will develop, how this person will behave in certain circumstances. We, as a rule, speak the same language, we equally read the semitones, the nuances of situations and relationships. But, in addition, this can be explained by the influence of the "Super-I" - an internal judge, controller, thanks to which we behave in accordance with the rules, norms and ideals accepted in our environment.

Why do friends or partners sometimes close on each other and do not notice other people?

This happens when the unconscious dominates the relationship. There is a so-called fusion complex, a state in which partners mutually project their unconscious, forming a single cocoon, and they no longer need to communicate with others. Archaic emotions (fear, anger) become the main ones in a couple, the mood of the partners is constantly changing, the attitude towards the other fluctuates from admiration to disgust. And one's own life is felt as unlived, a person is confused. And of course, there is no energy, no strength to communicate with others.

Why are we sometimes attracted to people who harm us, and at the same time it is very difficult for us to break off relations with them?

Everyone has qualities that are difficult to recognize in ourselves, because they are unacceptable to our personality - Jung called this unconscious part of the personality "shadow". And these are not necessarily negative traits: hostility, envy, anger ... So, for a complaisant girl, the ability to insist on her own can become a “shadow” trait, and for a man who is proud of his brutality, tenderness and vulnerability. Without accepting some part of ourselves, we project these qualities onto other people (most often a partner), and then perceive them as the source of our problems. For example, someone who cannot admit to himself his stinginess will blame his partner for it and suffer from this “lack” of his. But in fact, by blaming others, we allow ourselves to remain unaware of the painful or unpleasant parts of our personality. That is why we do not break off relations with such a partner: because thanks to him we are spared the need to see our own shortcomings. Often, in order to understand what makes us enter into such relationships and maintain them, we need to undergo psychotherapy. But it also happens that the partners themselves start a dialogue - it helps everyone discover and recognize their "shadow" qualities.

Poets called this state love at first sight, when a guy and a girl, having barely met, feel an unprecedented attraction. Scientists today are investigating this phenomenon and put forward several assumptions about the nature of such feelings. The article discusses the most famous of them.

Why a man is attracted to a woman: biology

Smell

According to this theory, each person releases special substances - pheromones. They practically do not smell, but act on the olfactory receptors that send a signal to the brain. He, in turn, unconsciously interprets them as an attractive aroma, and the person becomes interesting as a partner.

Women and men have different types of pheromones, the intensity of which increases during periods of abstinence, good mood, etc.

Eye contact

Another theory suggests that people are attracted to each other by staring. In the animal kingdom, the latter is a signal of danger, awakening a zone in the brain that decides to approach the object or move away. A person perceives this shake-up as a state of love.

In favor of this assumption is the study of American scientists, where they offered the subjects to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. At a close look, many noted the emergence of pleasant feelings for the counterpart.

Why is drawn to a person: psychology

At one time, the founder of modern psychology, Z. Freud, tested in his own practice the assumption that a girl is subconsciously attracted to a man who resembles her own father, and boys are attracted to a girl similar (in psychological terms) to their mother.

At the same time, people are not able to see this similarity, but intuitively strive to find a partner that matches the parent's psychotype. Not without reason, acquaintances often note how much the bride looks like the groom's mother in her youth.

The attraction of opposites

Another idea explains attraction by the desire to compensate for one's own shortcomings with the virtues of a partner. And having met an object with the necessary qualities, a person experiences tender feelings for him, called the state of being in love.

love in return

Seeing special attention from a man to his person, a woman feels most desirable and perfect for this person. There is an unconscious desire to answer him the same, the girl is drawn to the guy. The result is a mutual feeling. The same is true in the opposite situation: a man falls in love with a lady who adores him.

Due to some differences in thinking, sometimes it is difficult for a woman to understand what she wants from her. the male. So what men expect from a woman depends on their character, mood, sexual and social needs.

Despite their physical superiority, men are often more vulnerable and less self-confident than women. They constantly need persuasion, praise, support and comfort. Yes, there are men who are completely independent and can live their whole lives with one woman, as well as without a woman at all, but such men come across extremely rarely. Most men need the support and love of a woman. It is quite obvious that man becomes attached to you because you call in him sexual desire.

What do you like men in women?

First of all, they look at the face. Almost every the male creates in his imagination a certain type, from which he then repels.

As for the figure: there are few men who pay attention to overweight women and do not like or, conversely, prefer curvy ones. American psychologists have found that most often men react to the proportions of the figure. At the same time, for 50 percent of men, the weight of a woman does not matter at all.

Men also get sexual impression of you from your hair, skin, chest or walk. It makes sense to try to find out if there is something in your appearance that your partner does not like. Because sex appeal is made up of little things and accidents. For example, they hate long nails painted with bright varnish. A trifle, but it can ruin everything.

How openly can you show your sexual behavior? This largely depends on the age and personality of your lover. Many men are very embarrassed when they are kissed and caressed in public, while others are delighted with it. In general, be careful. The main thing with all appearances, let's understand that you like it.

How sexy does he think you should dress? This also largely depends on his age and character. There was an opinion that the less clothes a woman wears, the sexier she looks. And here is the lie. Studies have shown that men consider the usual tight-fitting blouse, a long skirt with a slit and high heels to be the sexiest women's outfit.

Your lover wants you to be good in bed and be able to return his love, and will always appreciate your attempt to bring more fantasy and creativity into your intimate life.

You need to distinguish when the male wants you, and when he wants to express negative emotions through sex. With women it's just the opposite. if they are suppressed by something - it is difficult for them to tune in to a sexual mood. Create an atmosphere in the conversation so that he can relieve emotional stress.

Never completely reject sexual your partner's offer. Men are very vulnerable in this matter. If the answer is no, let him know that he means a lot to you and that you love him very much.

Sometimes a man just needs sex, not love. You can even say this: men prefer sex more, and women prefer love.

Most women like it when a partner whispers something pleasant in her ear. But men rarely do this. Not because they don’t want to, it’s just that it’s difficult for them to say and do something at the same time. Sometimes we women feel like the male looks withdrawn and aloof after sex. Therefore, we must know that a sense of self-control is important for men. And after making love, they just need time to pull themselves together, cool emotions after an orgasm.

Besides sex, what else does he expect from you? Listen carefully when he talks about his official business, for this is his daily life, about which he may have no one else to tell except you. Warning - love a man as he is now, otherwise you will be disappointed.

In some cases, your lover may want to see you as a mother. There are moments in life when even the strongest and most powerful men feel helpless and seek help, comfort and advice from a woman.

You yourself must decide how far your maternal feelings can extend to him. But beware of a man who constantly needs their manifestation. His love is immature, and when the moment comes to lean on him, you
may be disappointed. Moreover, if you treat a man like a little boy, he will behave accordingly. Treating the man you love like a mother means killing the passion in your relationship.

Few men are so independent that they can work and fight for themselves all their lives. You can help him enjoy the fruits of his labors by showing him your respect and celebrating his accomplishments with him. What's the point in doing some huge commercial project or writing a bestseller if there is no woman around who could appreciate it. Praise your man (interspersed with constructive criticism). It is impossible to overestimate the importance for men of praise and recognition. They need it more than you can imagine.

What can you expect from a loving man?

Some women are willing to do anything to keep the man they want. They forgave him, although they knew perfectly well that he did not deserve it. Tolerated indifference, irritability and lack of respect. If your relationship is important to both of you, then you should not hide your dissatisfaction with your partner. Because the unspoken words still remain, moreover, sometimes they place a heavy burden on the heart. You cannot fundamentally change his character, but some men need a sharp pull from time to time to keep their nose from turning up.

If he wants you to be near him, then he himself must take care of how to make your life joyful and pleasant. It makes no sense to continue the relationship, if you are unhappy. Don't sacrifice yourself. This will not earn you love. The more you donate, the less of your personality remains with you. Under no circumstances should you lose self-respect for yourself, but on the contrary, increase your self-esteem.

Men love perfection in a woman. Therefore, do not hide your merits and achievements, because otherwise you will not earn respect for your professionalism from a man.

Most men don't like it when women get nervous or upset. They feel responsible for your pain or guilt for not being able to get rid of it.

Women love to talk about love, about relationships. At first glance, men are less interested in this. And the thing is that it is simply more difficult for them to switch from thoughts to feelings than women. Men assert themselves primarily through career achievements, and women through relationships. In order to talk with your partner about love, try to make him relax and forget about his work, writes from-ua.com.

The perfect girl can only be perfect if if she has the male with which all her talents can be revealed. Whatever he wants from you, you have the right to expect love from him in the full sense of the word.