Attitude to the mistress. Is it easy to be a mistress. Features of the behavior of a married partner

12.07.2019

It seems that no psychology and difficulties arise in. Two people secretly meet, take a break from their family and everyday problems, have sex, give each other only joy. But in fact, people cannot be heartless to each other. Over time, even lovers develop common interests, topics of conversation, feelings, memories and events that unite them. This leads them to the fact that their relationship is not as superficial as it seemed at first glance.

The women's website warns: if you only want to sleep with your lover and not get used to him, then it is better not to meet with him for a long time. Change men often so that you don't get used to anyone. This will save you from the possible arising of feelings. If you constantly meet with someone, then surely your feelings will wake up in relation to this person.

Why does the third extra appear?

A person is always looking for a place where he will be as comfortable and pleasant as possible. Thus, he finds a job, a loved one, friends and places of rest, where and with whom he is more comfortable. However, very rarely a person is limited to one loved one or one friend, since it looks like an entertainment place: in one you can relax, and in the other, you can gain new ideas and thoughts. That is why a third superfluous appears - one who compensates for what a person cannot receive from his partner.

All people are selfish. There is practically no one who would be completely devoid of this quality. And it is on human egoism that people - participants in the process of betrayal - play when they try to fill the gaps in their lives, as well as get a new partner for love. So, men really like it when a woman does what they want. A lover can very easily discourage a man from his wife: you just need to make her bad, and yourself - the most understanding and ready for sex and caring for a man. Why does it work? Because married women very often forget about their sexuality, because they do not consider it necessary to support it after they have married men, and also go headlong into caring for children and being busy at work. From such "cold" a man looks for warmth where he can be given - and here a mistress appears, ready for anything. She is sexy and ready to fully devote her time to a man.

To be the most comfortable and attractive for a partner is the main trump card that men fall for. And here the question arises: Whose fault is it that a third superfluous appears in the relationship? One half of the people will answer that the traitor himself is to blame for this state of affairs, the other half - that his partner pushed the person to commit adultery. But tell me, please, how can you force another person to commit adultery if he does not want it? If a man or woman would not want to cheat, then they would most likely just disperse to find new partners for love. But the same people who are more selfish by nature choose the easiest way to satisfy their desires - secret betrayal. It turns out that betrayal is a consequence of the selfishness of the cheater himself, who puts the satisfaction of his desires above the good of his relationship and the love of his partner. Another person cannot force anyone to cheat on himself. It turns out that treason becomes the sole decision of the cheater himself.

Remember that all people are selfish. But egoism is different for everyone. Someone agrees to cheating in order to satisfy their ego, while someone tries to be honest with their partner, including themselves, destroys the relationship and is looking for the person next to whom he will be comfortable in all plans.

Why define expectations of each other?

So that the secret relationship does not become painful and unpredictable, lovers should determine their expectations from each other. What intentions do you both want to start dating? Of course, over time, everything can change, some of you will fall in love, and some will want to leave without saying goodbye. However, you should be honest with each other in order to understand what to expect from your lover, and what he can expect from you, so that there are no unpleasant surprises. This could be:

Sex and nothing more.
Financial support.
Support and care.
Distraction from routine and everyday life.
The desire to leave her husband for a more worthy partner. For a relationship with a lover to take place, this man must also have a similar desire. A lover must also love a woman and want to go to her.

The love relationship itself will depend on what roles the lovers play. They can be:

Prudent user.
Lovelace and kazanov (about a man) and a windy person (about a woman).
A victim looking for a persecutor.
A mentor who wants to teach.
Serious life partner.
A persecutor who controls his partner's every move.
An adult child seeking care and affection.

Lovers should directly discuss what they expect from each other, so that later there will be no problems and disagreements. If a man says that he needs sex, then a woman should be calm about the fact that he does not divorce his wife, does not confess his love to her, does not celebrate all the holidays with her, etc. If a woman was looking for a sponsor , then she should not be offended by her lover if she is not interested in communication and sex with him.

The reluctant mistress

A woman can openly talk about her serious intentions, and a man can deceive her, promising to leave his wife and marry her. Here a woman can turn out to be a mistress against her will.

Men and women play games. Instead of genuinely loving and meeting those who are truly valuable and needed for a long-term relationship, people try to fool each other. This state of affairs can be fine when it comes to sales or business connections. But when it comes to love, where people unite because of feelings and mutual sympathy, deception and betrayal are painfully experienced.

If you do not want to be a mistress not of your own free will, but simply because a man makes you that way, do not play his game. While you are busy with how to marry him, he is busy with how to "breed you for sweets", and then run away in time. Stop playing your own games and see what game your boyfriend is playing. A man will not succumb to your manipulations. He will get his - and leave if he needs it.

It doesn't matter if a man is married or free, he behaves in the same way with a woman who considers him his mistress:

Calls when it is convenient for him. Often these calls can occur in the evening to meet late at night and walk until the morning.
Doesn't make joint plans for the future. You can dream, but for a man this does not mean giving his consent. If he dodges talking about family and children, does not take specific actions at the suggestion of a hand and heart, then you are his mistress.
He does not pay attention to your desires, only sometimes fulfills your whims, takes into account only his own opinion.
Live separately. He feels good when you see each other, but do not live together.
He practically does not tell anything about his life. To get to know his parents and friends, he does not have enough time, there is no desire, he refers to the fact that your relationship has not yet reached the stage in order to get to know your relatives. In general, a man by any means fences you off from his life, does not let you into it, does not allow you to become a part of it.
He spends most or half of his free time not with you. A man can rest, but with friends or other people. If such a pastime happens often, your partner does not consider you his woman.
May come to a meeting with a friend. Instead of spending a romantic evening, he turns the meeting into a friendly get-together.

Simply put, your relationship is not like family life. If you are still young, then some of the above actions can still be attributed to immaturity. However, if you and your partner have already passed the 30-year mark, then such behavior can only speak of frivolity of feelings. Look at the man's behavior. To which future is he leading you in order to evaluate his role in his game - a beloved woman or just a temporary mistress?

What problems can there be in a relationship "on the side"?

In love relationships “on the side”, problems often arise not because of the man, but because the woman herself does not understand why she starts an affair. A man can be quite simple in his position: "I provide you with support and money, and you give me love and great sex!" A woman can initially accept such conditions. However, time will pass, and it will become clear that she is waiting for him to become her husband and the father of her children.

Problems arise when a woman hopes for something that a man is not initially ready to do. She may agree to be a mistress in the hope that the man will eventually fall in love with her. If this does not happen, then events unfold as follows:

The man stays with his mistress, hoping that she will cool down and everything will return to its original position.
He agrees to the woman to have a child, but escapes as soon as she becomes pregnant.
A man agrees to a child, does not even run away from a woman, however, he ceases to be a lover.

Sometimes a woman is led by selfish desires, so she becomes pregnant from a man in order to “pump out” money from him in the future. A man may initially give money for a child. However, he can stop doing this at any time. What then will a woman do without money and with a child in her arms?

To prevent a love relationship from becoming terrible, it is better to be extremely honest with each other from the beginning and understand why you need to have a lover on the side.

What are the intentions of a male lover?

To understand what to expect from a secret relationship, you need to remember the initial reasons why a man-lover was looking for a partner:

Desire or just to make it available.
Rest from family life.
The desire is just to have fun.

However, men can also look for ladies for a serious relationship, to which they will then leave if they have them. To understand how serious this is, just pay attention to the lover's behavior:

If he becomes cold and aloof after sex, he is not interested in you.
If after meetings he always strives to go home, then he is not yet ready to part with his wife.
If he only promises, but has not yet fulfilled anything from the promised, it means that he "powders" your brains.
If he always answers his wife's calls and runs at her first call, then he will stay with her as soon as your relationship falls apart.

How to be a mistress in the end?

Do not hope that the lover will leave his wife. He most likely took a mistress for a temporary shelter, outlet, or fun. He had no intention of leaving his wife. Therefore, in 90% of cases, lovers return to their wives if mistresses begin to reproach them with something and even issue ultimatums.

If you have agreed to be a mistress, then continue to play this role as long as it is beneficial. But do not hope for joint happiness with this man. Continue to be a lover who, in fact, remains a free woman, so look for your future spouse, after meeting whom you will part with your lover.

Since childhood, almost every girl dreams of a prince on a white horse who will find her, win her heart and make her the happiest in the world. And so, the years passed, the girl grew up, and he appeared on the horizon - a real Prince, smart, cheerful, caring, reliable, handsome, in love, in a word, not a man - a dream. But the "Prince" has one drawback - a wedding ring on his right hand. And a woman is faced with a difficult choice: to become the mistress of this man or to seek fate elsewhere.

Love triangles are as old as the world, but now, like hundreds of years ago, women enter into a relationship with married men in the hope that sooner or later the beloved will make a choice in favor of a mistress, leave the family and marry her. Are such hopes justified? Is there a chance for a mistress to become the lawful spouse of her lover, or is she nothing more than a temporary entertainment for a man?

The attitude of men to mistresses

Despite the assurances of friends and relatives, and the disappointing statistics that more than 80% of men never marry their mistresses, a woman in a forbidden relationship believes that her case is unique, she will be able to win her beloved from her spouse. However, before considering the chances that a man will leave his wife and marry his mistress, it is necessary to understand why husbands decide to cheat on their wives and how they relate to their mistress. , can be conditionally subdivided into three main types:

1. Conditionally free - men whose marriage exists only legally. Such men may be in the process of divorcing their spouse or do not live with her under the same roof, they are seriously planning to divorce. These men, as a rule, honestly tell their mistress about their life situation, and if they have feelings for her, they speed up the process of divorce from their spouse, introduce the new darling to their parents, friends, and after receiving a divorce certificate, they may well go to the registry office with their mistress.

2. Calculating - men who have a strong family and start a relationship on the side solely for the sake of entertainment, new sensations. These men immediately inform their mistresses that they are not going to divorce their wife and the mistress cannot count on more than regular meetings. Such men do not have strong feelings for their mistresses, for them a woman on the side is entertainment, a way to have a good time. These men do not limit the freedom of their mistresses, they can give expensive gifts, financially provide, receiving in return tenderness, affection, sex.

3. Unhappy - men who tell their mistresses how deeply unlucky they are with their wife, about constant quarrels, scandals with their wife, and that a mistress is almost the only happiness in their unhappy life. However, to the rational question of a new girlfriend, when he divorces a "terrible" wife, such a man begins to come up with 1000 reasons why he cannot do this right now, but promises to divorce as soon as the child finishes his studies / the children grow up / he pays the mortgage / he will be given a promotion / the Second Coming of Christ will come. In fact, men from this category do not plan to get divorced, since they do not want to change their well-established life, but they do not want to lose their mistress either, so they come up with excuses and amuse their friend with vain promises.

Obviously, the mistresses of only the first of the above categories of men can seriously expect to change the status of the mistress to a stamp in the passport. However, many men from the third category can also tell their girlfriends that they are about to divorce their spouse, but their words will differ from the real state of affairs. Therefore, psychologists advise women who are lovers of married men not to wait for the divorce of their lover for more than 1 year. The fact is that in the overwhelming majority of cases, if a new girlfriend intends to be with her, he will file a divorce during the first year of their relationship.

Most men by nature do not like drastic changes in life, therefore, without serious reasons, they will not dare to leave a well-established life and a wife with whom they have a warm relationship. By itself, a strong passion for a new girlfriend is not a sufficient reason for a man to divorce his wife, therefore unfaithful husbands prefer to meet with a new lover in secret, carefully hiding the relationship on the side from the family. The reasons why men decide to divorce lie in his relationship with his wife, but not in his mistress, because if a man's heart is occupied by his wife, there will initially be no place for another woman.

What to do for a married man's mistress

In life, events often do not go as planned, and many women fall in love with married men, become lovers. These women do not always have the strength and endurance to break, so psychologists give some advice to girls who, at the behest of feelings, have become one of the corners of the love triangle. Using the recommendations, a woman will not force a man to divorce and marry her, but she will be able to make her own life better and, over time, painlessly get rid of the relationship with the married one.

1. Pay enough attention to yourself. Activities that you love, visits to beauty salons, the gym, expanding the range of interests, acquiring new hobbies, etc. - all this will help a woman make her life brighter and more eventful and help her, her strengths, attractiveness.

2. Do not break plans because of a married lover. For example, if a woman is scheduled to meet with her friends, and a married lover calls and informs about the departure of his wife and offers to meet, the mistress needs to go to her friends. Sacrificing plans for the sake of her lover, a woman equates herself in his eyes almost to the level of a domestic dog, resorting at the first call of the owner.

3. Forget about the mother's instructions that "the way to a man's heart is through the stomach." He has a wife, let her cook for him, wash his clothes, etc. A woman trying to become a lover and nanny for a married man has practically no chance of becoming his wife - he will come to her like a restaurant, a hotel with full board, to relax and have fun, and then return to everyday life.

4. Stop a married lover from talking about his wife. Many men try to "press on pity" and cry into the waistcoat of their mistresses about what kind of bad wives they are. These conversations are empty, their direct goal is a mistress on the part of a man, so if he raises this topic, you should suggest either immediately file for divorce, or talk about something more interesting for a woman.

5. Never try to inform your lover's wife of your existence. Many mistresses try to talk to their wife or arrange everything so that she finds out about her husband's relationship on the side and decides to divorce him. However, if the mistress reaches the goal, and the wife of the beloved leaves the unfaithful husband, it is unlikely that he will run to propose to his mistress - it is more likely that he will blame her for all mortal sins for destroying his well-ordered life and breaking his family.

6. Look for your Prince. A married lover, a woman should initially be perceived as a temporary man, and relations with him as entertainment, and not refuse to meet other representatives of the stronger sex. Leading an active life, meeting new people and not getting hung up on a married friend, a woman will definitely meet her soul mate and find family happiness.

Relationships with a married man are complex and confusing. In addition, they are hotly debated in society from a negative point of view. Few take the side of the mistress, and this is exhausting her. An unrealizable desire to become a wife leads to bad and sometimes terrible consequences. The situation is complicated by the appearance of a common child. A woman who decides on such a relationship must understand all the risks - she probably will not be able to get a loved one.

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Relationship with a married man

When you fall in love with a married person, the first thing to do is to stop blaming yourself and think that a further happy life will never be achieved. We need to try to figure out why there was his appearance in fate. Perhaps this is far from an accident.

Everyone knows that being the mistress of a married man is bad, shameful and unacceptable for society, but every day a woman does everything to connect her fate with a married man. It is necessary to decide whether all this is for the sake of a joint future or enough moments spent together. You need to answer this question without emotion, soberly assessing the situation.

Seduction of a married woman

The reason for this choice

Perhaps this is not a relationship between two people who feel comfortable together, but a relationship driven by addiction, passion, material interest, or other benefits.

Maybe the reason that a potential partner is married is that it is more convenient to date with an unfree man, so as not to enter into a serious relationship where you need to be responsible. It is necessary to think about whether the relationship will develop, whether the couple has a bright future, or after the outburst of passion passes, jealousy for his wife will come.

Funny relationships with a married man exist only in jokes. In real life, the status of a mistress is accompanied by constant internal struggle, thoughts that a loved one spends a lot of time with his wife, that a relationship has no future, and as a result, despite everything, go to secret meetings with him, not thinking about himself and his inner torment.

According to psychologists, a woman who periodically chooses a married man for a relationship has serious problems deep inside. Dating a married man means fading into the background, hiding, not writing messages, not calling, not using perfume if asked. When the relationship develops, every woman begins to justify a married man, looks for a possible way out of situations, believes in his departure from the family. But he does not need this, since in such a situation only she suffers, and he is not bad anyway.

A woman who wants to be a lover must be self-sufficient and positive. For some, it is important to raise their self-esteem by realizing that they are much better than their wives. But, surprisingly, after each meeting, he hurries home, because his wife is waiting for him there. After he leaves, self-esteem immediately drops down.

Married men do not leave the family for the sake of a mistress. To be present in someone else's life and to be only temporary entertainment is a waste of your own time. A self-sufficient, self-respecting woman simply does not have the time and desire for a supporting role. She is not ready to hide the relationship and is afraid that her wife will find out.

Why men have mistresses psychology of a married man

Such a relationship from the point of view of psychology

After the beginning of meetings with a married man, there is a feeling of lightness, increased attention. Thus, self-esteem rises to the limit: he is better than with his wife, he has fun and hugs, but not with her.

After some time, it becomes difficult to share it with his wife, whom he is not going to leave alone, and falling in love begins to develop into an addiction driven by jealousy, selfishness, a desire to get what is his, the desire to prove to him that a mistress is much better than a lawful wife. With dependence on such relationships, an inevitable rejection of oneself occurs, all interests are focused exclusively on the man and on how to interest him even more.

This kind of love is either salvation (a means to get rid of stress) or a means of filling the mental and emotional emptiness.

With a constant relationship with a married man, there are:

Lowering self-esteem: all the time and effort is spent trying to find a reason for a meeting, a call. I want him to be present in life all the time. At this stage, the mistress is already taking on the role of a "fallback".
Internal imbalance: constant fluctuations between love and hate. There are frequent quarrels due to the fact that he does not leave his wife.
Crazy jealousy. If a man is cheating on his wife, then there is an option that there may be another one.
Loss of personal interests, incentive to work, reluctant meetings with friends, internal disintegration of personality.
Finding permanent excuses.

When entering into a relationship with a married man, it should be borne in mind that he will not leave his family in the past. However, most lovers sooner or later begin to want to take the first place in his life.

Fell in love with a married man

How female psychology works

Initially, everyone tells themselves that this state of affairs is completely satisfactory. You don't need a legal marriage, you just want to be with him and love him. These words are transmitted to the man in various forms, and the woman is not even aware of it. And then sobbing, quarrels and requests to leave the wife begin.

If it happens that the man still leaves his wife, new suspicions may arise ("he will cheat on me too"), mistrust (secret meetings with his ex-wife), old grievances will emerge (he did not leave his wife for a long time). Thus, from the desire to create a full-fledged family, a woman goes into a state where she is already dependent on experiences and cannot live without stressful situations. Therefore, such a relationship will not be successful.

Of course, in different situations, everything is different. When building a relationship with a married man, a woman makes her own choice. If there is a desire for the relationship to continue safely, then you need to do two things:

1. Take off your rose-colored glasses. Do not be reassured by empty hopes that he can do everything for her, but right now he cannot leave his wife, that he has a difficult situation and can wait, because the main thing is love.
2. Make time for yourself. You need to develop, expand the sphere of interests, realize yourself as a person. You should not overload yourself with his interests, and even more so you cannot solve his problems.

Usually a man does not leave his family and does not go to his mistress, because he has created an ideal life: the family is saved, this allows him to avoid discussions in society and preserve a loved one (and his wife eventually becomes a dear one), while he has a parallel life, where he gets new emotions, surrounded by care and warmth.

It is possible that a man experiences much more emotions for his mistress than for his wife. He is overwhelmed by passion and love, he swears his love to her and promises to soon leave his family for her. In reality, usually nothing happens - a vicious circle of promises. Relationships do not develop, romantic enthusiasm and passion grow into accusations - this usually ends a relationship with a married man.

A completely different situation is when both are not free. But even such a connection has no good consequences. The fact is that a woman plunges headlong into a new relationship, and if she is married, she begins to deliberately destroy her family, unlike a man who shares communication with his mistress and with his wife. A married lover may pay less attention to children, because of which they will suffer.

Unplanned pregnancy

Most often, when a mistress becomes pregnant, the man invites her to have an abortion. If she does not want to have an abortion, and the man insists on this, there is a feeling of betrayal. But it so happens that, after analyzing the situation, he decides that now is really not the time for children.

It is necessary to realize that the fate of a child is only in the hands of a woman. A man will not leave his wife, will not offer his hand and heart to his mistress. The only thing that is possible is material support. Everyone decides on their own whether she is ready for this.

In no case can we hope that when the child is born, the man will change. This can be understood by looking at the statistics - a lot of women raise their children alone. Even worse, if both are married in a relationship, then the mistress's husband will be forced to raise someone else's child.

It should not be misleading to think that a common child will become more important for a man than children who already exist and live in the family. You will not be able to put pressure on your husband and manipulate him after the birth of the baby. A man is looking for a mistress for that, so that she will not burden him with family problems. It's easy with a mistress - you can relax and then return to your family. If the mistress began to create difficult situations, then the relationship loses its meaning.

The decision to leave the child

When deciding to leave a child and not associate him with a married man, you need to be patient to overcome this difficult stage. Attitudes will change, as will the choice in men.

The opinion of a psychologist: you need to be clearly aware that a child should not be a way of getting closer to a man. If in his family he is an exemplary dad, this does not mean at all that he will love a common child.

To give birth to a child from a married man or not is exclusively a woman's choice; one should not rely on mythical happiness and constantly justify a man. To give birth and stay in mistresses is very difficult for psychological awareness. If earlier a woman considered her partner a patron, did not see her own responsibility, then right now she needs to grow up and make decisions not only for herself, but also for the existence of another person.

It is necessary to get rid of illusions about a happy joint family. After realizing that he has another woman whom he is unlikely to exchange for something, it is necessary to make the right decision and relieve yourself of worries and stress.

Parting time

The main problem of every girl who decides to end her relationship with a married man is that she wants to prove to herself that he cannot be without her, that he will ask for a return, understand the mistake and leave his wife. Here you need to understand that if a relationship breaks down, then it must be a deliberate choice.

If, after parting, you resume the relationship again, then everything will return to normal, and nervousness will only intensify. A man will understand that they can no longer do without him, so he will definitely not make any attempts to get closer.

It is necessary to decide what such a relationship gives and what is deprived, in which case the decision will be much easier. You should not convince yourself of his boundless love, this leads to dependence on him.

Determine the state of affairs

A relationship is not built on the feeling of need for someone. It is necessary to coldly and sensibly evaluate all the negative aspects of the situation:

constant concealment of such a connection from friends and acquaintances;
lack of uncertainty, vague joint future;
dependence of love dates on the wife and her routine, plans;
the presence of another family and a woman with a beloved man.

He is married, his life has long been established and limited by his own rules, especially since he spent his energy, time and money on creating a family. And he did it. He is used to it, so even if he is not happy with everything, nothing will change. It is more profitable and easier for him to find another woman on the side who will not express claims - this is what men in mistresses love. According to statistics, most men treat their mistresses this way.

If a decision is made to part with a beloved man, this means that the limit has come and it makes no sense to wait for something supernatural. Begins to overcome fatigue from constant excuses that lead nowhere.

To be a lover means to lead yourself to a dead end. Developing unhealthy relationships is pointless. All the same, they will end up asking why all this was needed and what to do now.

Assess perspectives

It will be quite difficult to end a relationship with a married man, since there is already an emotional dependence on him. In order to break it, it is necessary to remember the bad. How painful it was when, after several hours of dating, he returned to his family, or those moments when his spouse called him. After a conscious analysis of emotions, the attitude will become available to break off a relationship with a married man.

You need to understand that such a connection can last for years without developing in any way. He will not leave the family just because of another. It is necessary to assess the situation on his own and his side, on the part of relatives and girlfriends, colleagues.

The relationship between promises and reality

The scheme of a healthy relationship: personal interests of the first partner + personal interests of the second + common interests of the couple. But common interests are unlikely to arise if the main goal of the relationship is to hide.

Breaking a relationship with a married person is very difficult, as well as getting out of other addicted relationships. This is due to overwhelming fear and doubt. When you try to leave, you feel an emotion, a search for ways to ease your morale, and it seems that only he can support - although he is the culprit of the problems. And again everything starts in a circle - old grievances are remembered and a new round of problems joins.

Open eyes

It is necessary to assess the possibility of your desires to come true. Most want to be close to their man, expect care from him and, in the future, family. The man says that everything will be exactly like this, that life with his wife is only a temporary situation, that he has long ceased to love her and does not have sex with her. A woman most often believes that this will be the case.

But in practice this rarely happens. If there are no actions of a married lover in relation to his mistress to bring a joint future closer and the question of breaking off relations arises, then this is the optimal solution.

Psychologists' advice says: you need to remember that neither other people, nor casual relationships, nor going to work can get rid of addiction. It is important to work on yourself. You need to tune in to work on your own desires, the understanding of which will lead you out of such a relationship. This inner change will only bring the best.

Relationship psychology distinguishes between three stages of separation from a married man:

1. Conversation. An absolutely honest and adequate conversation about the future should take place. A deadline should be set and the actions to be performed should be indicated. The goal is not to hear empty promises again, but to understand what the relationship is like at the moment and whether they have a happy future. If it makes sense to continue the relationship, then you can try, but with one condition: what exactly should be done within a certain time frame. If there are no prospects, and vain promises keep pouring in, it's time to part.
2. Comprehension. Compare what was heard with the vision of the future. In practice, psychologists advise to imagine this relationship in five years. If there is a realization that parting is inevitable, then you should not delay this moment. It makes no sense to deliberately be in a hopeless relationship.
3. Shift the focus. If it is not easy to very abruptly cut off the connection with a partner, then the switching technique will help. You can continue to communicate with a married man and not direct efforts to get rid of the role of mistress. At this time, a new occupation, a hobby is needed, set a personal goal outside this relationship, even if this goal is harmful to the relationship. It will even be better if it comes first. Filling the personality with new facets, you need to gradually get out of the dependent circle and become not a part of your partner, but a formalized and self-confident person. It is also important to acknowledge your feelings (love, disappointment, and so on), but try not to get rid of them, but to turn your attention to something completely different. Time will pass, and there will be no trace of psychological stress.

The main thing is not a proof of strength, independence and superiority, but a desire for their own peace of mind. When the time comes, you just need to tell him everything, explain, the relationship ends. The reason should be the lack of real joint plans for the future and the desire to become happy. Let him not hold.

If a man does not let go

If earlier, when meeting, a woman looked one hundred percent, then let now in her every appearance she be ordinary: without bright makeup, styling. It is possible that the home image will alienate the lover. You can become capricious, nervous, torment him with calls and messages.

You should not do so that the wife finds out about the connection - this will not lead to anything good, there will be many unpleasant consequences.

By the signs of the zodiac

Marriage prospects can be assessed by the month in which the man was born:

Aries. Representatives of this sign often have more than one mistress, often conspiring poorly. In the event of a scandal, they are impulsive, the consequences of the relationship can be serious, up to and including leaving the family, but they often come back. The exception is a strong love for the homeless woman.
Calf. Rarely hovers in the clouds, the main purpose of a mistress is to satisfy sexual needs. Usually, all conditions of communication are negotiated in advance. With women, materially generous.
Twins. They prefer to have an office romance. They are efficient, have remarkable intelligence. They can choose a mistress for further family life if she is smarter than his wife.
Cancer. They are very afraid of publicity, they value their family. A married man and a free woman can be together only if there are scandals in his family.
A lion. This sign turns on a mistress only for sex. The ideal lover for him is one who is not looking for family relationships. Treats a free girl like a trophy.
Virgo. They are very careful, and often the mistress does not know about her real status. If the wife found out about the relationship on the side and kicked out, then they will not come to her to fall at her feet. But divorce does not mean starting a new family with a lady of the heart.
Libra. They are located for calm ladies, outwardly attractive. Such a person can become attached to his mistress and go to her if she is young.
Scorpio. In this case, marriage is impossible. Lovers get the simplest role in life - the satisfaction of sexual pleasures. Often this is even stated directly. It is necessary to initially ask the question whether it is worth dating such a man.
Sagittarius. It is considered the most unpredictable. He is inclined to adventure and adventures, it is not clear what to expect from him. Can choose a mistress, and then abruptly disappear from her life.
Capricorn. Here the mistress has few prospects. An exception is the situation when the wife is a bitch and a shrew, in which case there is an opportunity to become the best.
Aquarius. An affair with a married Aquarius rarely bodes well. The right wife for him is an experienced, reliable friend and like-minded person, educated, financially wealthy. Only in this case does she have a chance.
Fish. They are the easiest to have novels. The mistress becomes the only one and desired, but making the decision to destroy the family is difficult for them.

After the end of the relationship, you need to get rid of all contacts of the ex-man, erase all messages, clean your email, block everything on social networks. A person must completely leave the life of a mistress. If this man works or lives nearby, you can resort to a radical method - quit or move. It is necessary to get rid of all things that remind of him.

And a little about secrets ...

The story of one of our readers Irina Volodina:

Especially depressing for me were the eyes, surrounded by large wrinkles plus dark circles and swelling. How to remove wrinkles and bags under the eyes completely? How to deal with swelling and redness? But nothing makes a person look older or younger than his eyes.

But how to rejuvenate them? Plastic surgery? Recognized - at least 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - photorejuvenation, gas-liquid pilling, radiolifting, laser facelift? Slightly more affordable - the course costs 1.5-2 thousand dollars. And when to find all this time? And it's still expensive. Especially now. Therefore, I chose a different way for myself ...

So, what are the advantages of this position?

A woman owes nothing to anyone. Agree, at least once in your life you dreamed of an easy relationship in which no one presses on you. You don't have to devote all your free time to your man. You can have relationships with several young people if you wish. And you do not have to feel guilty in front of a regular partner (of course, if you do not have a spouse).

Great relationship experience. Communication with the opposite sex allows us to better learn to understand people. Any relationship is a valuable experience that helps us work on our own mistakes.

Good time. Contrary to popular belief, a married lover can give you not only enchanting sex, but also fascinating communication. Many couples enjoy visiting theaters, exhibitions, and making small trips. A new person in your life can help you find an incentive for self-development and self-improvement.

Abstraction from everyday life. Unfortunately, it is everyday life that becomes the reason for the cooling of feelings in many married couples. On this basis, quarrels and misunderstandings often arise. With a married lover, you can forget about all these problems. Meeting with him is a holiday of romance.

Fresh emotions. How often in life there are not enough new feelings that make us look at the world in a different way. The wise lover of a married man enjoys secret dates, finding in such a position some special zest and piquancy. If you are looking for just such sensations, then periodically you will have to change your lover.

Material support. Having become the mistress of a wealthy man, you can receive pleasant gifts from him that you could not afford before. There is nothing shameful in this: you give him positive emotions, and he spoils you with luxurious surprises.

A lover can provide material support

Why does a man need a mistress?

Speaking about the rules of conduct for the mistress of a married man, one should first understand why men decide to cheat on their spouses. What do the representatives of the stronger sex really want from girls? Here are the main reasons for adultery:

A mature man wants to feel young and reckless again. To do this, he chooses young and pretty girls who are ready to give him their own time.

A man gets tired of constant relationships that are filled with scandals and quarrels. He is looking for an opportunity to pour out his soul and talk about his own problems. A man expects understanding and moral support from his mistress. This is not a spouse who nags him almost every second.

Having lived for several years in marriage, a man realizes that he lacks fresh emotions. At home he is met by the same woman, dressed in the same dressing gown. He knows every inch of her body, thoroughly learned what brings her pleasure in bed. He remembers by heart the names of her favorite perfumes and TV shows. He just lacks variety, not only in sex, but also in relationships.

Sometimes a man wants new emotions

Problems in bed. Intimate relationships in the family often gradually fade away. Unfortunately, first of all, the spouses are to blame for this, who cease to monitor their own figure and appearance. There are also women who are practically indifferent to sex. So a man has to look for satisfaction on the side.

Revenge. Having suspected or convicted a spouse of treason, not every man decides to divorce. Some husbands just have mistresses who help them. improve self-esteem.

Thus, in his mistress, a man first of all looks for what he lacks in his own family. And these are exactly the things that once accompanied the beginning of a relationship with his current wife.

A man never dares to cheat in order to start a new family. From this follows the first rule of behavior of a married woman's mistress: never and under no circumstances should you wait for the continuation of the relationship. Allowing yourself to think that one day he will leave his spouse and come to you, you doom yourself to suffering. Do you need it?

Do not try to tie the man to you with the help of some gifts and cute surprises. Set aside ties, lighters, perfumes for a permanent partner with whom you will have a serious relationship. The best gift for a lover is you. In beautiful lingerie, neat outfit, good styling and natural make-up. Don't become a caring mommy.

Do not meddle in your lover's privacy. Asking him about his family, you probably won't hear any truth. Most often, men tell their mistresses that they live with their spouses as neighbors, there is no intimate relationship between them, and indeed they sleep in different beds. Naive girls believe in this nonsense and ... invent feelings on the part of a man. At the same time, the hero-lover himself has a great time with you and his wife.

A lover must have a love life

Realize that the spouse will come first for the man. Let the feelings fade away, even if they really have problems with sex, but they are connected by long years of life together and, possibly, common children. In addition, according to numerous surveys, a small percentage of men are ready to sacrifice their usual comfortable living conditions for a new adventure. Having enjoyed your company, he will go home, where dinner prepared by his wife awaits him. And it's not worth making a tragedy out of this either.

Don't try to be his second wife. If it turns out that you really fell in love with your lover, do not seek to take him away from the family by ironing his shirts or pampering him with exquisite delicacies. In this situation, his interest in you will gradually fade away, because there will be no intrigue left.

Don't introduce a man to relatives. Most likely, the offer of such a meeting will simply alienate the lover, who decides that you have some kind of views on him. This rule does not apply to friends and acquaintances.

Are you expecting gifts and expensive surprises from your lover? In this case, from the very beginning, you must act like a real lady. The first time you visit a restaurant, you should not take your wallet out of your purse and try to pay for yourself. Also teach your man to come to visit you not empty-handed. At least a bouquet of daisies must be present. Be a weak and desirable girl for him.

Do not devote a man to your personal life. You have every right to communicate with other males. Let him know that your relationship will last exactly as long as you want, not him.

Directly tell him what you are not happy with in your relationship. For example, while in your home, he switches the TV to a sports channel. Or he is constantly late for appointments for no good reason. Do not be silent and do not pretend to be a sufferer. A man should know that in front of him is a self-sufficient and self-confident girl. You don't have to play by its rules.

Get busy doing something. In addition to work, you should find an interesting hobby for yourself. Go to the gym, Chinese courses, literature club, theater, and more. A busy life schedule will not only make your life brighter, but also show your lover that he is not the center of the Universe for you. Let the man independently adjust to the rhythm of your life and find time for dates.

You should always be a little busy with your own affairs.

A smart girl uses many ways to lure a man, and a wise woman does it in such a way that a man is sure that everything is happening solely on his initiative. In no case should he decide that you are seeking him, and not you.

Don't be hysterical. If a man once canceled a meeting or could not show up for a holiday because of his wife, you should not make a scandal. Pretend that you simply did not notice this or considered what happened to be a trifle. Otherwise, very soon your relationship will simply come to naught.

Advice for Married Women Who Have a Married Lover

Relationships between non-free people are the most convenient option for connections on the side, because in this situation, both of you understand that you are not held by any obligations. However, in this situation, the woman has a serious problem: she needs to make every effort so that her spouse does not find out about the side relationship. To do this, you need to follow these tips:

Never choose a man who knows your spouse as your lover. Often, the objects of sympathy for girls are husbands' best friends. But this option should be discarded immediately. Sooner or later, the secret will be revealed.

What does a woman who has a lover look like? New emotions overwhelm her. She smiles and flies on the wings of passion. In the eyes of the girl, it is noticeable that pleasant changes have taken place in her life. Many ladies are beginning to pay increased attention to their appearance. An attentive husband will immediately notice that something is wrong with you. Immediately descend from heaven to earth and stop doing battle makeup in the morning. Try to make sure that your face does not express anything unnecessary.

Glitter in the eyes can betray the presence of a lover

A married lady who has a lover starts coming after work much later. Naturally, she informs her husband that she has a lot of cases, papers that need to be completed, meetings, etc. It is quite easy to figure out the true reason for this behavior. Use an alternative method.

Make yourself a girlfriend with whom you will supposedly attend various events in the city. It is even worth inviting a friend for tea at your home. 1-2 times a week, you can justify your absence by meeting with her. If you wish, you can meet with your lover even on weekends. To do this, inform your husband in advance that you are going with Masha / Katya / Sveta to some fashion exhibition that will obviously not interest him. You can even invite your husband to this event. Obviously, he would prefer to watch football or go fishing with friends.

A good lover will give you gifts from time to time. If you have new jewelry or expensive dresses, come up with a believable story about the passing of a wealthy distant relative of your mom or aunt. Remember: all labels from things must be thrown away immediately. If the husband suspects that something is wrong, he can walk to the place where the goods were purchased. He will easily find out when the purchase was made and how it was paid.

What if your lover invites you on a small trip for a few days? A business trip is a smart option. It is advisable that the final destination is not known to your spouse. Naturally, this option is dangerous if your husband is well acquainted with your superiors or employees.

Any correspondence with your lover must be conducted on the office computer. Use your home laptop exclusively for other needs. Otherwise, you risk one day forgetting to leave the social network, and the whole dialogue will be successfully read by a jealous person.

Try not to talk to your lover on the phone while your husband is at home. If there is an urgent need to call the object of passion, think of that you urgently need to go to the nearest store for bread. Next time, go take out the trash or walk your favorite dog.

After a passionate evening with your lover, do not rush to go to the bathroom. An observant spouse may think that you are trying to quickly wash away the traces of a vicious connection.

Remember to do your marital duty in bed. If you start constantly denying your husband intimacy, he will immediately understand what is the matter. Try not to change intimate behavior or show your spouse new skills.

Do not allow your lover to leave traces of your sexual play on the body. Scratches, sucks are direct evidence of your extramarital affair. Any argument is powerless against such a proof.

A husband can find out about his lover by finding traces of love games on his body

Be in touch at any time. When outside the home, never turn off your phone. Pick up the phone even while in bed with your lover. Confusion can easily be explained by the fact that you are in the fitness room, rushing to a meeting, late for the last bus, etc. In this case, the risk of suspicion on the part of the spouse will be minimized.

Try to make sure that the lover does not have any evidence of your relationship. We are talking about joint photographs or even videos ... There are situations when a woman, deciding to leave her lover, is subjected to blackmail from him. Protect yourself in advance, because you can never predict what to expect.

Pamper your spouse with delicious dinners, devote enough time to your children. Remember that a lover is temporary. And the family requires your full attention.

Don't tell literally anyone about your lover. Even the best friend can be a rare bitch. Be sensible. You can trust such serious secrets only to yourself. Of course, in no case should you start a personal diary.

Never be tempted to confess to your husband that you are cheating. Even if he somehow figures out that there are rumors that you have a lover. Even if the lover himself decides to annoy you and call your spouse (and this happens)! In the most unfortunate situation, you can pose as a victim and claim that your lover has slandered you because you refused to enter into an intimate relationship with him.

Do not carry condoms with you in your purse if you and your husband are not using condoms. Better to buy condoms just before the date.

Do not, under any circumstances, bring your lover to your home. Even if your spouse is on a long business trip, you may be noticed by "benevolent" neighbors who will gladly tell your spouse about what is happening. Dating in neutral territory is ideal.

How to take a lover out of the family?

Unfortunately, romantic women do not always manage to maintain their composure. Many ladies fall hopelessly in love with married lovers. What to do in that situation if you have really strong feelings for this particular man? According to statistics, no more than 5-7 percent of unfaithful spouses go to mistresses. But there is always a chance. The main thing is to follow wise advice:

Remember that if a man does not leave the family after a year of your relationship, he will never do it. Therefore, it is necessary to act much earlier.

Try to study your lover well. Probably, he will constantly tell you about himself, problems in his relationship with his wife. Learn his habits and personality traits.

Let him know that he can confide in you. Be an attentive listener and conversationalist. Keep all his secrets and problems in strict confidence. Do not deny the help and support he needs if you are able to do something for him.

Remember that a man will leave his wife just for the sake of a mistress who will be much better than her. Therefore, you need to make time for your appearance, go to the gym and always look as tidy as possible.

Take care of intellectual enrichment. Men love women who can have an intelligent conversation about any topic in life. At the same time, you should not try to show your superiority.

Try not to bother the man with your own problems. He shouldn't see your tears and tantrums. With you, he should constantly feel warmth and joy.

If your object of passion is over 40 years old, you should exercise the utmost care. You need to determine what this man really wants. Accustomed to a long-term marriage, he can only go to that mistress who can provide him with the most comfortable living conditions.

Learn various sexual techniques. You should become a real master in this matter. Returning home, a man should feel that he is missing something.

Try not to touch on the financial issue. If you need to find out the income level of your beloved, do it indirectly.

You should give the impression of a simple and rather flexible woman, with whom he will not have constant conflicts. Of course, you must have your own point of view.

If the man has children, try to show a genuine interest in the matter. Surely he will be happy to talk about his kids. Even if a man has stopped loving his wife, he will never give up his children. Your questions will show your lover that, in the event of your reunion, you will gladly accept his daughter or son. And no problems like "The new wife does not allow seeing children from the first marriage" will not arise.

How to part with a married lover?

If you realize that your relationship is hopeless, and over time you become more attached to a man, think about how to break this painful connection for you. First and foremost, you need to understand that leaving is a deliberate choice that will allow you to start a new life without the same pain. When you decide to leave, don't change your mind. Do not expect a married lover to change his mind and leave the family. Most likely, after a while he will simply find a new mistress. Remember that a girl's youth passes very quickly. If you can't imagine your life without a full-fledged family, give up married lovers once and for all.

Try to spend the first few weeks after breaking up with your married lover in the company of people close to you. You may need to change your phone number (in case it rings). A good way out of the situation would be a short trip to another city or country. There you can unwind and relax mentally.

Don't shut yourself up and think that your ex is the best person in the world, and you won't find that again. Understand that your love would not torment you. If you're feeling lonely, allow yourself to have a new romance with a free young man. Even if he does not become your husband, you are guaranteed to receive a charge of positive energy.

We hope that this article helped you get rid of many of the problems that the mistresses of married men face. Either way, you should start taking things a little easier. You yourself are the creator of your own destiny!

It would seem, what kind of psychology can there be? After all, everything is extremely clear: people meet, make love, take a break from their problems and run away happy. And there is. But only at first. Over time, as in any other relationship, lovers have misunderstandings, resentments, reproaches and other "joys" of life.

The scenario of the development of events is predictable from the very beginning. Just a couple, drowning in a whirlpool of passions, while not thinking about it. What thoughts can there be if a person loses control not only over reality, but also over himself?

However, those who do not want to end up with a broken trough should be smarter. And you need to remember the following - whatever your passions and feelings, you need to stop in time, discuss the nuances of future relationships, set priorities and come to a mutual agreement.

Why does a lover relationship require certainty? So that in the future you can avoid innuendo, to make it easier to part when the need arises, or vice versa - honesty will help you get closer. And, as you know, the best way to avoid unpleasant events in love is a conversation.

Something to seriously talk about is what you both expect from a love affair. It is clear that in the future it can grow into something more or less, but still:

Only sex, period.
Caring and understanding.
Financial support.
Distraction from everyday life, routine.
An attempt to leave her husband for a more worthy life partner. There should be a similar desire on the part of the partner. It will become clear how successful the attempt was, only with time.

Also, the relationship with your lover will depend on what roles you have chosen for yourself. Who do you see yourself as and who do you see your partner? The roles can be as follows:

Casanova, ladies' man - from a masculine position and a frivolous person - from a woman's.
Serious life partner.
Prudent user.
A mentor who needs to teach, share life experiences.
An adult child, deprived of affection and care in childhood.
A victim looking for a stalker even in romance novels.
A persecutor who controls every step of his beloved or loved one.

So, stipulate your intentions right away, so that later you will not have complaints and omissions. Of course, admitting that you are a victim, a stalker, or a "casanova" is not very easy. Sometimes a person himself does not know what he is looking for. But you can always say that in a relationship you only want sex without commitment, or a break from family problems. If the first, then a woman needs to immediately understand that it is taboo to complain and reproach a man for being absent on holidays or on days when you want to cry on a man's shoulder.

The same goes for the situation when the partner acts as a sponsor, and you as a calculating user. If you have nothing to talk about with him or his attitude does not satisfy your empathetic nature, these are your problems.

And for a man: knowing that a lady prefers to have a secret romance purely for the sake of sex, you do not need to delude yourself that you are the only one with her. And when you find out that besides you, a couple of lovers are visiting her, do not freak out - you knew about the lady's frivolity from the very beginning.

What problems can there be in a relationship "on the side"?

From the male side, the "love contract" is based on simple and understandable conditions: I give you my care and support, and in return I get excellent sex and freedom from any obligations. On the female side, things are more complicated. Sometimes a beautiful person voices one thing and implies another. Or she can be confident in her words at the beginning and abandon them after the novel picks up steam.

The psychology of women lies in the unpredictability of the weaker sex. And the most common type of relationship between secret lovers is this: from the first minute a woman sees in her partner the potential father of her child. It is clear that the chosen one does not know about this. At first, even the mistress herself weakly guesses about her true intentions. When the question is cleared up and she dares to communicate her desire to her beloved, the development options may be as follows:

A man is not ready for such a turn, since he already has children, therefore he breaks the connection.
He is not ready, but nevertheless stays with his girlfriend in the hope that after a while she will give up the idea of \u200b\u200bgetting pregnant.
He is ready at the moment, but after birth he can not stand it and runs away.
He wants a child, after birth he does not run away, but he ceases to be a lover as such. You entered his list of hardships of family life, because he is forced to look for an outlet in some third person.

A woman's behavior can also be motivated by financial need. If money is the only thing that is needed from a partner, then the child can become a way of "pumping out" funds. Perhaps this option is ideal for you, but think about how you look from the outside. In addition, the chosen one cannot be in the dark all the time, sooner or later he will guess what you went for for his own benefit. And if he wants to teach you a lesson and one day leave you without financial assistance? How will you raise your child?

So, it turns out that a good and lasting relationship between lovers is determined by the degree of honesty with each other. However, as elsewhere.

If you deliberately stipulate your needs and desires, the relationship will continue until you, by mutual agreement, decide to terminate it.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that over time you would like to get pregnant from a loved one. Just like a man can express the opposite desire and break the connection before the irreparable happened. Love that begins with lies is unnatural. Although in this situation it is ridiculous to judge, because the love of people in different marriages has already begun with a lie.

What are the intentions of a male lover?

In the end, the moment comes when you have to decide: a romance "on the side" or legal marriage. If with men it is more or less clear here - 90% stay with their wife - then again with women it is a little confusing. Often they give in to sensual impulses and decide to build a family with another.

When making a choice, a beautiful lady needs to know as much as possible about a person. She knows her husband enough (maybe that's why she doesn't want to be with him), but her lover ... How to find out what his true intentions are?

Remember how it all began. The beginning of the novel should be a reference point for determining what to do next. The chances of a strong relationship with a lover, as well as a future marriage, are greater if from the very beginning the partners experienced not only sexual attraction to each other, but also mutual interest. Interest as to individuals. But if the strong half initially built a connection, relying on sex without obligations, then the chances of being together as a couple are small. Although everything can be. Sometimes people agree purely about intimacy, but over time they become attached to each other so that they want to consolidate the union by marriage.

Another problem is that representatives of the stronger sex do not always express their emotions in words, therefore it is difficult for a lady to understand what is on the mind of a companion. Psychologists advise paying attention to the non-verbal expression of feelings. The beautiful half of humanity has a subtle intuition, so it will not be difficult for them to determine what a dear friend is really experiencing. Observe him: for gestures, looks, behavior. If you are interesting to him, he will never interrupt you in mid-sentence, he will be attentive and sensitive to your problems. You will feel at the level of the unconscious that you have found a response in his soul. The seriousness of intentions is also evident in the nature of the meetings. Dating should consist not only of secret intimacy, but also of joint walks, relaxation, the desire to be together in public.

But a partner who initially speaks a lot, promising rings, a wedding and a family, usually “powder his brains”. He has no serious intentions in his thoughts. You must remember this when deciding your fate, choose between companions.

Also pay attention to the behavior (looks, gestures) of a loved one after sex. A man who comes only for this is easy to recognize - he becomes cold, alienated and immediately rushes to solve some urgent matters.

So, while our advice may sound ridiculous, be smart when deciding on a romance. Only prudence will save you from unexpected surprises and pain.