Jealousy of a woman: a man's view of the problem. Under close supervision: male jealousy

Today I want to talk about a serious problem that women, unfortunately, often face.

It is called "the pathological jealousy of a man." What it is, where it comes from and how to cope with it - read about all this below.

Good or bad

Women believe that jealousy is a sign of love. They are looking for ways to evoke this feeling in companions, hoping in this way to attract their attention and prove to themselves that the love in their union has not yet passed.

Other representatives of the fairer sex are looking for ways to save their husbands from manic jealousy, because they are suffocating in endless suspicions (often without any basis).

The point is, jealousy is like water. Yes, yes, I was not mistaken. I'll explain everything. The symbol of water is ambivalent in almost all religions and mythologies. Water personifies total destruction, and maybe life-giving force. It is the same with jealousy. Sometimes jealousy saves a marriage, and sometimes it destroys all other feelings to the core.

Reasons and reasons

Each phenomenon has its own reasons. Jealousy is certainly no exception. There are not so many reasons for the emergence of a feeling of jealousy.

Let's take a look at two main ones:

• Male notoriousness. Representatives of the stronger sex often consider themselves to be a complete insignificance. Some of them talk about it, others - on the contrary, hide their low self-esteem behind feigned bravado. One way or another, their own complexes often cause bouts of jealousy, because other men seem to such a person to be true Apollo, descended from Parnassus;
• Past experience. It is possible that the man's previous relationship ended in the betrayal of your predecessor. Such a blow to self-esteem often causes a total distrust of the female sex. This is where the legs of endless suspicion grow.

At school, in history lessons, they said that if there are reasons, then it is not difficult to find a reason for starting a "war". With jealousy too.

Here are three reasons that allow jealousy to manifest itself in full force:

• Flirting. A man becomes jealous if he noticed that his half is flirting with another man. And it doesn't matter that they didn't mean anything and always communicate like that. Every man is an owner by nature. Will not tolerate the manifestation of excessive attention to other persons. Moreover, attractive males;
• Gossip. Rumors are terrible. Let's imagine a situation: you live in a multi-storey city. And suddenly a cousin arrives (“passing through the city, I decided to stop by to see how my little sister is doing”). You meet in the courtyard a lovely neighbor, granny Galya, who, frankly speaking, does not like you, because “they didn’t wear pants like that in her time.” Brother stays for two hours and runs away without seeing your beloved. If you do not have time to tell your husband about the guest before that woman Gali, then a terrible picture will arise in front of him. In the retelling of the neighbors, you will appear as a cheater who "drags around with different men every day, and does not even try to hide it." The reason for jealousy is weighty;
• A seething fountain of fantasy. There is probably nothing worse, because not a single gram of grounds is needed here. Delayed at work or chatting with a friend? Did you have to go on a business trip at work for the first time in five years? Didn't pick up the phone on time? Yeah, "It's clear." What exactly is clear, it is better not to ask.

In fact, such jealousy is called pathological. Causes delusional ideas, moreover obsessive. Sometimes this manifestation of jealousy is attributed to the first signs of schizophrenia or symptoms of psychosis.

Pathology: what to do

If the feeling of jealousy is justified, then it is possible to get rid of her partner. To do this, it is worth discussing this problem with him and try to help him see the situation from the outside.

Let's look at the main signs of this disease, if jealousy is really a pathology:

• Groundless accusations that have no foundation at all;
• Denial of the painfulness of your condition;
• Lack of logic in conclusions.

These symptoms indicate the need for a visit to a psychiatrist. Lack of treatment sometimes leads to dire consequences. Pathological jealous people are aggressive, differ in unstable psychology, they cannot adequately control their actions.

It should be noted that delirium of jealousy sometimes occurs in chronic alcoholics. To combat this manifestation, it is necessary to first save the spouse from the addiction. In this case, it is also worth resorting to the help of professionals.

However, don't let jealousy ruin your marriage. Try to explain to your loved one that you feel bad and stuffy to live under total control. If he loves you, I assure you, he will try to change.

Feelings of jealousy: armed and very dangerous

Someone smart said that jealousy always “goes along with suspicion, hatred and anger, and each of the trinity is armed with a dagger, followed by repentance. Which, however, is no longer needed by anyone. "

Let's talk about such a terrible phenomenon as jealousy, which corrodes and destroys relationships.

Jealousy is the silent killer of relationships

Why is he quiet, if many are screaming so loudly in a fit of jealousy? Because there is still a widespread misconception that being jealous means loving. Yeah, as he hits, it means he loves ...

The myth that "the one who loves is jealous."

Jealousy has nothing to do with love at all. Love is based on a conscious preference for loyalty and responsibility for your choice of a partner. Otherwise, why be together?

Constant outbursts of jealousy only interfere with love and turn relationships into a series of suffering and mistrust.

Loyalty vs Jealousy - and whose side are you on?

Do you want to understand what to do with jealousy? Then let's deal with loyalty. After all, jealous people demand it that way.

Faith, confidence, trust, fidelity are words that are close in meaning.

Fidelity as a quality of a person is formed in adolescence, when we actively learn about ourselves and the world around us, learn to be friends. And later - to love.

How to deal with jealousy?

Initially, we learn to believe in ourselves and in ourselves. The stronger this feeling is manifested, the higher the level of self-confidence. Only after we learn this, we are able to trust others.

Jealousy is a lack of loyalty. Jealousy is the opposite of FAITHFULNESS.

Loyalty is a state of faith in oneself, loyalty to one's words, which are confirmed by deeds, loyalty to one's principles, one's own business, friends, loved ones.

Loyalty means that you are responsible for your choice to yourself from the very beginning.

Where does jealousy come from?

Jealousy appears when a person:

• does not believe in himself;
• does not know how to trust anyone;
• unable to make his words and deeds coincide;
• does not know how to be friends;
• has no principles that he himself complies with;
• does not know what responsibility for oneself, one's words, choices, actions is.

Love and jealousy have different paths

What have we not seen on the list of reasons that cause jealousy? Love!

Jealousy doesn't come from love. The basis of jealousy is the fear of losing what you love.

Remember, this pathological feeling arises from lack of confidence in yourself, your relationship with your partner. Whether it's a friend, a child - anyone.

Also, doubts that the partner loves you play into the hands of a woman's jealousy. What if he prefers another, which is better than you? After all, you then doubt that you are WORTHY.

Believe in yourself - protect yourself from jealousy

Jealousy is the result of a possessive attitude towards your partner. It arises when you are absorbed by the desire to have a monopoly on the personal life of the chosen one, to interfere in all his affairs.

Understand that jealousy is an outward manifestation of the fact that you do not have such a quality as loyalty. Do you know why? And because everyone judges for himself.

In a situation with jealousy, a person often does not even realize his potential infidelity. But he has problems with self-confidence and trust in the world. And he translates them outward through the lack of confidence in others.

A jealous person simply does not know how to believe. Because he has no experience of faith and trust in himself in the first place.

Beware of the delusions of jealousy. Case from practice

I have a friend. As far back as I can remember, he always cheated on his wife with various pretty beauties. He referred to the fact that his wife "is not his ideal outwardly."

And so, he fell in love with one of the passions. So much so that he even left his wife.

His girlfriend was a very bright, sexy brunette who was noticed by everyone. She adored her man. But literally a month later, he turned their lives into hell with wild jealous tantrums.

The girl more than once roared at my consultations, telling through her tears that she adored him and did not even notice others.

The bottom line? He drove her to hatred, and she went to another.

Human jealousy can multiply

But the most unpleasant thing about this is something else. A person with disbelief and lack of fidelity attracts a similar partner.

Remember, if you did not lack faith on a subconscious level, then the wrong partners simply would not fall into your field of vision.

You can argue that if you hadn’t burned yourself once, you “wouldn’t have blown on the water”.

But not everyone is around everyone. This is not a general problem, but only those who“ imprisoned” on treason on a subconscious level. You can't argue with psychology.

"Exile" for treason, or Jealousygives bad advice

Whether it's female or male jealousy - in each case it is a mutual conspiracy. Like a sadistic victim couple.

Whichever loyal partner comes across to a jealous person, he will still torment the chosen one with jealousy and distrust. What, by the way, can ultimately provoke treason. Like, “what, in vain I get on the head on a regular basis?”.

Beware of pathological jealousy!

By the way, it is very important to distinguish between pathological jealousy. She is not only a frequent reason for referring to psychologists and psychiatrists, but also adds work to law enforcement agencies.

Let's not forget that jealousy is the most common motive for murder in families.

So it is definitely impossible to call jealousy “a harmless form of manifestation of love”.

Pathological jealousy is one of those problems that philosophers, poets and doctors have described for centuries. The latter even distinguish it as a separate disease.

Signs of jealousy as a referral to the doctor

Pathological jealousy is not a specific symptom of a particular disease.On the contrary, it occurs in almost any mental disorder.

Personality pathology, neurosis, depression, alcohol and drug abuse, schizophrenia, organic pathology (less often) - in all these diagnoses, you can find references to abnormal jealousy.

For this reason, it is important to refer the client for a consultation to a psychiatrist at the slightest suspicion of an incomprehensible mechanism of jealousy. It is incomprehensible.

Does your husband or boyfriend show excessive aggressiveness at the slightest hint of the appearance of a man in your environment? Then I recommend thinking about the mental health of the chosen one and your safety.

Grow flowers out of jealousy

Jealousy is almost a normal feeling under certain conditions. It is about the manifestation of possessive instincts.

In the same time complete absence of jealousy in the same conditionsmay indicate the presence of emotional pathology... For example, emotional rigidity, which is also damaging to relationships.

Provocation is the worst embodiment of jealousy

Another dangerous aspect of jealousy is provocation - the artificial induction of jealousy. Women often use this weapon in an attempt to warm up relationships and attention to themselves.

Sometimes jealousy can spark a relationship that is fading away. But not when a person uses it constantly as an instrument of pressure.

By provoking a partner to jealousy, you unconsciously or consciously influence his self-esteem and encourage him to be competitive.

He trains with his “rival” to achieve “who will receive the main prize - the love of a woman?”.

You, as a provocateur, rest on the laurels of your own pride and ponder how else to cause jealousy. And men bring all kinds of gifts to your feet: attention, love, colorful emotions, gifts, etc.

Do you love a man or his jealousy?

At the heart of your provocations, albeit unconscious, is deprivation of attention and love in distant childhood.And now you in such a dishonest way are trying to compensate for the lost, pushing people head-ons in the battle for your persona.

That is, you assert yourself by provoking.

But listen, deliberately provoking a partner's jealousy is an unacceptable technique when we are talking about a trusting, loving relationship.

Look, such a scheme is taking shape. You provoke your man to jealousy. He is led to it. Together, you are pursuing the same goal - to receive attention and love.

Only one in this situation gets into the "pose" of a sadist, and the other - a masochist.

Which position do you like best? Me - no.

Girl, you are fed with jealousy

Men also often “feed” their women the poison of jealousy in the form of provocations “and we have such a new secretary, pretty, young”.

This is how they subconsciously “gain” points in the eyes of the chosen ones.

How NOT to react to provocations?

Your worst reactions in such a situation would be:

• “Surely a fool and a prostitute, like all secretaries”;
• “And you, as a dog, have already hung up your ears ?!”;
• “I will see her next to her, pulling out all her hair extensions for her”;
• "And our new manager gave me a lift in a cool car."

You should also not be offended and defiantly not talk with a man.

Such reactions only devalue you. They show that your ego is hurt, hurt.

As a result, the manipulator gets the emotions he was counting on, and continues to "squeeze" you further.

Neutralizing manipulation

One of the best ways to respond is not to give the manipulator the expected response, not to reinforce his manipulative behavior. Better yet, turn his manipulation to your advantage.

Alternatively, you can ask your husband questions that will encourage him to express his needs directly, rather than indirectly.

You can also neutralize humor manipulation.

Why is a woman provoked to jealousy

By the way, with such behavior of the chosen one, take a closer look at yourself. Maybe you started your man? Haven't you complimented him for a long time, didn’t thank him, didn’t admire her knight that he provokes you to “love”?

Or maybe she started herself.And with jealousy your man is trying to provoke you to take care of himself?

Or is provoking jealousy the norm in your relationship? Then what are you doing there?

Trying jealousy: pain or joy

Look, one of my clients got so “provoked” with his wife that he went to her friend. It was this woman that he constantly cited as an example of grooming and excellent taste.

The wife flaunted that he should love her for who she is and thank her for her son.

Until one day, in the literal sense of the word, she pulled her husband from her friend, when she returned home ahead of time. The family broke up. And the girlfriends for a long time poured slops on each other all over the city.

But it should be noted that the ex-wife blossomed - either in spite of her husband, or thanks to going to the fair of brides.

Was it really impossible to make such a move before, when it was relevant for the husband?

How to deal with jealousy?

• Make love, not kill it

Do everything to strengthen your relationship, not destroy it.

Instead of playing Pinkerton, make him interesting. And first of all, become interesting to yourself.

Remember, constant spying on your man, you provoke a lie. He “just in case” will hide everything from you. Distrust only makes it longer.

• Improve yourself and strengthen your relationship

Stop being an emotional beggar and contribute to your relationship yourself.

Show your partner your care and trust, give compliments, thank you.

Look, the loyalty of a spouse is not a product of surveillance, suspicion and mistrust. It is the result of a strong, reliable relationship that satisfies both.

• Boost your self-esteem

Well, tell me, why cherish you if you are not valuable to yourself?

Work on your shortcomings, believe in your merits.

And then you realize that “you need such a cow yourself,” and you are important for your man. And if not, then why do you need it?

• Work with your fears

Ask yourself honestly.What are you afraid of when you poison yourself with jealousy? Lose Him exactly? Stay alone?

Maybe it's true that he is the wrong partner and it's time to let him go? Why hold on to him, they say, “just not herself,” and take the potential place of a worthy partner?

• Stop comparing

This is about your self-esteem. And besides, why show the man himself that someone is better than you?

It makes sense to compare only with yourself - have you become better than yourself.

• Disconnect with a partner

Live your life, find yourself, hobby.

Often the reason for jealousy is the obsession of one of the partners on the life of the other.

It happens that this happens due to the lack of their interests and personal life. And such a partner has no choice but to live the life of another.

This applies not only to jealousy, but also to excessive control by parents (usually mothers) in relation to children.

Understand that your control, your anxiety, your endless interference in someone's life will not make you or the object of the interference happier.

• Be honest and trust your man

Give up all these spy games and hidden doubts. If something bothers you, ask your partner directly.

Just don't do it in the form of a scandal. Calm down.

I'm not saying that no one has such a reason)

But it often happens that we begin to suspect our partner, not because he did not live up to our trust. And only because we ourselves experience fear and self-doubt.

Jealousy in this case is not based on anything in reality, but stems only from our personal feelings. And offends a partner.

• Learn to forgive for real

Forgive me sincerely if you were cheated on in the past, but you decided to move on.

Sometimes this happens because a person succumbed to temptation, but continues to love you. In other cases, it is the result of a momentary weakness, a mistake for which he can be forgiven.

Cheating did not kill love in you, did you both realize the “contribution” of each to it and see the value of your relationship? Then find the strength and love to forgive him and yourself that you “didn’t finish watching”. And move on.

When to overcome jealousy is not your option

Of course, it is also possible that jealousy is not groundless, your partner has fallen in love with another, or he is systematically cheating.

Better then ask yourself an honest question: what are you counting on?What are you doing here?

Maybe you should gather your dignity and self-respect into a fist and finally break out of it? Instead of poisoning yourself with the poison of jealousy.

Love will save the world! Love and prudence to you.
Yaroslav Samoilov

Natalia Kaptsova

Reading time: 9 minutes

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The question of male jealousy is relevant for all women. The only difference is that some husbands categorically do not want to be jealous of anyone, while others are jealous even of the beardless salesman who smiled “somehow strangely”. The first women believe that since they are not jealous, it means that they are not loved as deeply as they should. And they are even actively looking for advice,. The latter do not know where to go from this jealousy, and openly envy the former. What is the reason for male jealousy?

Husband - pathological jealous - revelations of jealous wives

How happy are those women who are not familiar with male jealousy! Jealousy is not even proof of love at all, as many mistakenly believe. Only in the candy-bouquet period does this feeling look “cute and funny”. When a jealous man becomes the "rightful owner" of his chosen one, the "green monster" from a cute creature turns into a real nightmare for both partners. In most "severe, clinical" cases, it looks like this:

Why is this happening? Why does a man turn his life together into hell, without leaving his beloved woman for a minute and not even disdaining hidden cameras and voice recorders?

The reasons for male jealousy - find out why your husband is jealous!

According to experts, this "green monster" is a complex psychological complex that has many sources. There are many reasons. From aggressive temperament to genetic factors. So, what are the causes of male jealousy?

Many women suffer from the phenomenon of male jealousy. Most of them mistakenly believe that this is a manifestation of love. In reality, things are a little different. The presence of jealousy does not always confirm that a man loves a woman. At the initial stage of a relationship, almost every girl perceives jealousy as an indicator of strong feelings. But over time, jealousy only increases, reaching the point of absurdity.

Living with a jealous person is not easy. Even the great feelings experienced for the partner do not save. A jealous man is terrified that his partner will leave him and go to another. In an attempt to protect himself from such an outcome, he begins to methodically set his beloved prohibitions that increasingly restrict her freedom. It all starts small, and at first a woman may not even notice that something is forbidden to her. One of the first signs of unhealthy jealousy is the appearance of inhibitions. Starting small, constant “no's” begin to appear more and more often.

Several factors can be included in the list of reasons for jealousy. The most important thing is considered to be self-doubt. Low self-esteem does not allow a man to relax in a relationship and give his partner complete freedom. Public opinion can also be included in the list. Often a man tries to prove to himself and to those around him that he is a man, forbidding a woman to make decisions on her own. In the event that a woman is faced with a man-owner, jealousy can exist even without love. Such men do not like, but only do not want to give their property to anyone.

However, it is not always worth exaggerating. Perhaps by looking at a few of the main signs of male jealousy, you can tell if your partner is really jealous of you. So, the signs of jealousy in men include the following:

• Frequent calls. At first, this seems quite common. The man begins to call his beloved under the pretext of finding out how she is doing. The situation does not look critical, the lady feels needed and loved. He is very affectionate and courteous, but he manages to find out all the necessary details and successfully conducts "interrogation". A man can become annoying and very offended if his partner does not want to answer his questions. In this case, you should try to translate the conversation to another topic, answer vaguely and abstractly. Otherwise, the man runs the risk of getting used to the fact that you will always answer his questions.
• Talking about other men. Trying to find out more information about your former fans may seem innocent. Any man is interested in what his beloved had before him. However, fanatical attempts to find out the smallest details can be a sign of jealousy that threatens to turn into paranoia. It is worth refraining from details, otherwise they will be remembered to you for the rest of your life.
• Infringement of freedom. A lover's trip to any event alone can turn into a real tragedy for a jealous person. He will require all the information, down to the smallest details. From the guest list to the style of the dress you choose to wear. At first this may seem like a basic concern, but in reality it is a direct encroachment on your freedom. If you do not win your right to personal space, you will not be able to change the situation.
• "Do not communicate with other men!"An innocent conversation with a work colleague can cause a huge scandal. Of course, in this case, you should not overdo it and not go beyond the boundaries, because not every man needs a woman who flirts with another. It is worth trying to prioritize and explain to your beloved that communication is exclusively business and does not threaten your relationship in any way. However, this should be done at the very beginning of the relationship, otherwise you will not be able to change anything.
• Constant resentment . A jealous man is very touchy and often does not understand himself how stupid he is. He perceives any refusal as your unwillingness to communicate. If you just have a headache and don't want to go to the movies, your partner may take it as a personal insult and a desire to break up. In this case, you should not indulge the man and crumble in front of him in excuses. Otherwise, you risk making excuses for the rest of your life.
• "Your deeds are my deeds". A jealous man is interested in all the affairs of his beloved. He will notice the smallest changes in your appearance, as well as get to know all your relatives and friends, not wanting to miss even the smallest detail.

Summing up, we can say that jealousy is a very unusual and controversial feeling. Jealousy is not always a manifestation of love, but sometimes it can be a sign of strong feelings. In order to understand the situation, it is worth paying attention to the man's behavior. Does he care about you or