Second wives and first children: who is more expensive? How to build a relationship with a man who has a child

When they remarry, most men leave children in their first family, whom they do not stop caring for. Often, the husband's children from his first marriage remain in the second family for various reasons: the poor financial situation of the ex-wife, her departure from the country to the far abroad, or her own decision with a desire to gradually return the love of her husband and family.

To love or not to love, to be a new family or not to be?

Not every woman who has started a family with a divorced man wants or can raise her husband's child. Sometimes a woman begins to be jealous of her husband for his past, ex-wife and children, and sometimes she simply does not have enough experience to raise her husband's already grown daughter from her first marriage or several children.

Often there is confrontation and rivalry between two women (wives) in the desire to take possession of a man's heart and to possess it alone. This cold war uses different methods to keep the family happy, but only children are affected. Children take all the negativity and disagreements between the father and stepmother at their own expense and are constantly in a stressful state.

In other cases, the second wife gets along with the children and takes good care of them, but is also under stress due to jealousy of the ex-wife and her children, fear of losing a loved one, and therefore makes irreparable mistakes that the man cannot accept or forgive.

When marrying a divorced man, a woman must understand and firmly accept a loved one with all his past, which has become an integral part of his life. There is no point in changing or forgetting her past, therefore, in order to create a strong family, a woman needs to reconcile and accept her husband with her children, or find another man for herself, without the "burden" behind her shoulders.

If the husband's daughter or son from his first marriage lives in a new family, it is important to understand that the ex-wife can participate in raising the child, visit him, call the ex-husband, which is necessary for the well-being and peace of mind of both the child and all adults around him. and educating. In turn, the stepmother should discuss with her husband the methods of raising and caring for his child. Joint children cannot be separated from step-daughters or sons in terms of nutrition, clothing, routine and family regime, attention and love. You can't love a child more or less. They are either loved or disliked. If a woman cannot fall in love with her husband's child from her first marriage, she should not start a family with such a man, since she herself will suffer in the first place. Love and well-being in the family will be replaced by anger and irritation, which will lead to divorce.

What happens if…

If the child remains in the first family, then the woman will have to come to terms with the fact that the ex-wife will call her husband with messages about the child's health, his successes or problems, or with a request to buy something for him, take him to the cinema or the zoo. In this case, the psychological well-being of the new wife fades into the background, since the ex-wife considers herself a victim, not an aggressor - she will no longer have the opportunity to give birth and raise a child with her former husband in a complete family. Therefore, you need to find strength and be sympathetic to her regular visits to her husband's life.

It will be better for everyone if the wife does not interfere with the communication of the husband with the child and the wife from the first marriage. A woman who tries to maintain excellent relations in the family will herself remind her husband that he has a child who needs the attention of his father. She herself will find opportunities and ways to create good relations with his children, she will not transfer all the negativity associated with jealousy of her ex-wife to her husband's child.

An intelligent and far-sighted woman does not associate love for a child with the relationship between her and his father, she remembers that her husband chose her for love and creating a family, and now he is next to her. She understands that a child is much weaker than an adult and is more difficult to endure a divorce of parents, therefore she is not able to take away the love and attention of a man from her. If the presence of someone else's child still weighs on the woman, you need to leave the husband alone with the child as much as the situation requires.

A woman who constantly wants to have an extremely close relationship with her husband emotionally, most often there is jealousy of the past of her beloved, since she considers him “the most,” and the only one in the world and wants her husband to treat her the same way. She understands that her husband had feelings for other women, which further aggravates jealousy and causes fear, because in those emotional ties her husband did not and never will. She is afraid that he may return to his ex-wife, constantly compares herself with her, the efforts of the experience and jealousy and throwing off the negative on the child.

To prevent this from happening, it is necessary to rely on real events in which the current relationship is very important. A woman needs to take into account that her husband has chosen and loves her for those qualities that are of value and significance to him. She must thank her ex-wife in her heart for the child, whom her husband is so happy about, who can just unite and strengthen their family.

If a wife does not trust her husband, if she feels insecure about herself and her strength, friction arises in the relationship between her, the husband and his child. A confident woman will not suspect her husband in connection with his ex-wife. If, at the sight of her reflection in the mirror, her own attractiveness does not make a woman happy, then in order to interest a man for many years, you need to go to a spa or hairdresser, visit a stylist - take care of your appearance! Then confidence will return, and suspicions of all the mortal sins of her husband will disappear, relations with his children will improve.

How to gain the authority of a child

The child always feels the attitude towards himself from the parents, especially from the stepmother: love or attention or irritation and anger. They see all the actions of adults trying to quickly "get rid of" the child, then he considers himself an annoying hindrance in the relationship between father and stepmother. In other cases, the child sees all the efforts of the parents to create friendly relations in the family, so he gradually becomes imbued with respect and love for his stepmother, because you cannot force anyone to love oneself overnight.

Sometimes a child is jealous of his father, since he previously owned him completely. Now he has to share his father's love with his new mother. In this situation, a woman needs to show her husband's child that she does not claim all the free time of his father, more often to organize joint walks or games for them. Nothing brings people together like shared positive emotions. Time will pass, and the child will no longer oppose himself to his stepmother.

If the husband is in no hurry to have children together, this also becomes a stumbling block between her other people's children. For dreams of your own child to come true, you need to take your husband's child as allies. With a trusting and kind relationship between a stepmother and her husband's child, she will be able to convince him of the need to have a brother or sister. Then the son or daughter themselves will ask the father for him and his stepmother to give them a little and dear friend or girlfriend.

When a woman builds her relationship with her husband's child, it is not recommended to show excessive lisp and exaggerate her delight in communicating with him, to give a large number of gifts. So a stepmother can cultivate a consumer attitude towards herself. You need to show attention and be interested in his affairs, give advice, without imposing your opinion. One should always be interested in what the child himself wants and discuss this with her husband when the need arises. Love between a stepmother and a child will sooner or later arise along with a trusting relationship. With age, the child will understand that building such a relationship is sometimes very difficult and difficult.

How does a child feel in a new family?

If you look at the situation of a father's marriage to a strange woman through the eyes of a child whose life is fundamentally changing without taking into account his desires, then one can understand that the child is seized by fear and despair. If the father leaves the mother, then the son or daughter may blame themselves for this or consider themselves useless to anyone. If a stranger comes to their house as the father's new wife, the child will become jealous of her father, afraid of losing his love and attention. In addition, he will have to carry out errands and reckon with the opinion of his stepmother. Fear does not allow the child to control the situation, then his familiar world collapses or changes. Situations like these make the child manipulate adults in order to achieve what he wants, even at the cost of a broken relationship between father and stepmother.

In such situations, when a child by his behavior provokes aggression, it is important for a woman to find a middle ground, that is, not to become a tyrant, but not to follow his lead, not to stand "on his head" to appease him or cheer him up, not to praise the child and buy him "everything at once" that he wants. A child can distinguish hypocrisy from a sincere and kind attitude, can appreciate human warmth.

Now we can summarize. What does a woman need to do to maintain her marriage with a divorced man with children? Recommended:

1. To accept a loved one with his children and relationships with ex-wives. To build her relationships taking into account her husband's past, because she knew what she was agreeing to when creating a family.
2. Remember and not hope that the former rival will take into account her psychological well-being.
3. You don't need to feel a sense of aggression and guilt towards your husband's ex-wife and make this feeling a cornerstone. It is necessary to treat her and her husband's child with respect and responsibility, which can create trusting relationships in the family, which a joint child will help to strengthen.
4. Do not interfere with the communication of the husband with his ex-wife and children for the purpose of raising and caring for children. Show loyalty and not forbid the husband to call and receive calls from the children and the first wife, accept the child in a new family, communicate and go for walks with him.
5. Find a common language with the husband's children, diversify communication with gifts and entertainment. If the first wife is against such communication, there is no need to insist and be offended, allowing the father to independently solve problems with the children.
6. Remember that a man can become a follower and lose independence if, for the sake of his wife, he stops caring and communicating with children from his first marriage. If family relations lead to divorce, then a man can do the same with his second wife.
7. Allow a man to firmly strengthen his paternal position in relation to joint and children from his first marriage, to build a "civilized" relationship with his first wife. Equal treatment should be both for joint children and for children from the first marriage.

Often a man feels himself as a "prize" in the struggle between the past and the present, in the struggle between two women. Some men like it, many are annoying and make life uncomfortable.

When getting married after a divorce, for its preservation and well-being in the family, a man is recommended:

1. Do not forget that he remains a father to his children who remained in the first family.
2. Respect your ex-wife, despite the unsightly actions she commits during the first period of separation.
3. Maintain and develop communication between the new wife and children from the first marriage, without requiring great love from her. With successful attempts to build a relationship between a wife and a son or daughter, make compliments to her, often give flowers and surprises, possibly with children.
4. To eliminate jealousy on the part of the wife, it is necessary to create a "transparent" relationship with the past family, to convince the wife that she is the main woman in his life. A confident woman is always loyal to the mother of his children, creates a calm atmosphere in the house.
5. Do not separate children from new and past marriages, treat everyone equally, so as not to provoke childish jealousy, the consequences of which can be deplorable. You need to make all children feel needed and loved

If the child feels the father's care and attention from his second wife, her kind attitude, his psyche and health will not suffer, which will have a positive effect on the demeanor and warm atmosphere in families.

Question to the psychologist:

I would like to consult with you ... I am 30 years old, 5 years have passed since my divorce from my husband (my son is 5 years old), after that it was not possible to build a relationship. Now I try to understand the reasons and read your articles. A man appeared, we are quite a bit together, and he seems to say that he wants to be together only with me ... and build a house ...

But at the moment I am very worried about one nuance. He has a daughter (5 years old), they divorced a year ago. When he left the family, he left the apartment for his wife and child. Where does the ex-wife live now with a partner and daughter. He goes to sea and seems to make good money. But having arrived from the sea, he asked me what apartment to buy and where ... I thought it was for us (now he lives with his mother) and I have no opportunity to live together. As soon as he bought an apartment, he brought his daughter there and said that it was a present for her! I was very upset because we have nowhere to live and spend time together. Says wait until we earn money for the house. And he saw all my frustration, and therefore thought that I was only interested in the financial part of it. This is not true. And I tried to explain it to him. But no matter how I tried to accept his act, the resentment sits somewhere deep. And also I understand (and he himself said) that he will always help his daughter, which means that everything will never be enough for her ... (apartment, study, new car), but I want a family, a house and more children)! !!

I don’t know what to do?! (((((I don’t really want to diverge. But I understand, he will always put me (and even more so my son)) in the second or third plan (((. And this will constantly offend me. Accept .. then how? I'm still bad at it (((Talking, then he also perceives this as I am against his communication and help to his daughter. Although this is not so, and I explained it. I want him to communicate, help, but in reasonable limits.

Can this relationship end? I'm all in thought ... Although I see that he has great sympathy for me. We walk, go to the cinema, etc., first he walks with his daughter, then he takes her to her mother, although the daughter wants to spend the night with him, but he does not take her and goes to me. I don’t know what to do ... I beg you to help.

Psychologist Lyudmila Yurievna Gnatyuk answers the question.

Hello Svetlana!

Let's start with why are you with him at all? If you are looking for a person who will just buy you a house - this is one strategy, if you are pleased that he has sympathy and you use it - another.

But if you want "all inclusive", i.e. and feelings, and prosperity, and mutual understanding, then first of all it is necessary to ask yourself. You are a woman, you are a conductor of energy and emotions, through a woman a man is filled with experiences and inspiration. But on condition that these feelings are sincere! And you rather start bargaining like in the market, and don't write anything about your feelings. Rather, write about the frustration and disappointment that the apartment is not for you, but for your daughter. That is why he said that you are only interested in the financial part, perhaps this is the only thing that he saw, you do not show everything else?

How do you express your tenderness / gratitude / affection / interest / pleasure from being around?

How do you express anger and irritation, indignation, your resentment?

If you are trying to keep silent about all this and seem like an angel, then he will feel your falsity and least of all he will want to do something for you. Look at his daughter, how does she show joy and delight to him? She charges him with these experiences and he wants to try and do even more for her. In addition, this is a wonderful trait of a man - to be responsible for his words and deeds. Since he is a father, then this is forever! And there is no such scale where it would be necessary to measure a lot he cares or needs less, the main thing is from the heart. And he copes with this.

But you don't really want to last ... Be honest with yourself and with him. There is nothing wrong with being upset about your home. Just say it like a woman that you wanted, dreamed, waited and ... now you feel sadness and sadness. Share with him your fears, grievances. Live it all, do not keep to yourself, do not try to be good, comfortable, sweet when there is pain in your heart. This is the prevention of diseases, and a full-fledged mental life, and the birth of closeness and trust between you. Yes, when we open up, we become vulnerable and may be hurt. But if this is always feared and avoided, then what is the joy of life then?

I think that you should also reconsider your attitude towards your first spouse. Most likely, a whole heap of resentments and unjustified expectations also stretches from there. A key skill in life is not being able to forgive, but being able to ask for forgiveness. Because when we are in the position of someone who forgives, we are, as it were, from above, when we ask for forgiveness, we also take part of the responsibility on ourselves, responsibility for our reaction to the situation.

The reaction of resentment is the position of a child, an adult, has a more developed thinking and is able to express his dissatisfaction, to clarify the situation. But when we do not want to take this responsibility upon ourselves, but to shift it onto someone else, we choose to be offended, then we must, and not we. Therefore, you need to start with your ex-husband, and even better with mom and dad, with whom you are probably not going smoothly either. But since you are not asking about this, I will not dwell on this.

I cannot make a decision for you and write what to do, but how not, I am not the Lord God and cannot foresee all possible nuances. But my personal experience shows that you need to start with yourself, with your pride, with the ability to take responsibility for your actions, with the ability to be honest.

You are afraid that he will put you and your son in the background. Do you want to be in the first place, want to receive, and what can you give him yourself? If the question is put in such a way that I don't owe him anything yet, let him first prove / give / help me something, then this is pure mercantile interest. And in this case, you need to bet on the one who has what you need. All deep relationships begin when feelings appear: respect, gratitude, joy, delight, pleasure, trust / love in the end. What do you feel about this man? This is your only guarantee of a successful relationship - your feelings and how you will express them and show him. Just be yourself, read more, engage in self-development. Learn to respect and be grateful. Learn to love not only yourself and yours, but also him and his child. Start doing something pleasant for others just like that, without expecting anything in return, then what you dream of will come to you.

Ksenia Chuzha

The number of remarriages is frightening for its indicators, which are growing every year in our country. Family psychologists, accordingly, are increasingly faced with questions about possible strategies in communication between the current family and the previous one.

It is a very serious step to marry a man who already has an unhappy relationship experience and children (or one child). Such a woman must have a great deal of patience, wisdom and intuition in order for the family to survive, and children from first marriage husbands were on good terms with his new wife.

Knowledge of the psychology of family relationships will also be extremely useful. Such knowledge can be gleaned from books, for example, by Bert Hellinger. The practice of family constellations (this is the name of the approach of this psychologist and philosopher) confirms his theoretical statements. It is also helpful to read the works of such renowned family therapists as Salvador Minukhin, Jay Haley or Klu Madanes.

It is also necessary to seek communication with women who are happily married to a man for whom this is not the first marriage. They can tell from their own experience how best to act in a certain situation. If there is an opportunity to visit a good family psychologist, you should definitely use it.

6 tips for harmony in a new family with children from the husband's first marriage

(based on advice from Bert Hellinger)

1. The second wife is not at all obliged to become a friend for the children from the first husband's marriage, of course, if she does not want to. After all, the children are not hers. This must be remembered by all members of the current and previous family, and especially the woman herself, so as not to depend on someone's opinions and instructions.

Also, you should not try to build relationships if your husband, former wife or children themselves do not want it. You won't be cute forcibly, but there may be more problems.

If children live with their husband and his current wife, then a woman needs to be as objective as possible towards them, and each time ask herself one question: "What would I do if these were absolutely alien children?"

2. Children from a previous marriage of the husband will have to be recognized. Neither it is impossible to erase them from life, nor the former spouse. The husband must be accepted as a whole, with the dowry from the life that he already had.

What awaits a woman who cannot accept her husband's former family? This will be, at least, internal discomfort, because the father will continue to communicate with the children, he will talk with his former wife about upbringing and custody, and will provide them financially. This is a great torment for a woman who could not accept the real state of affairs.

Attempts to limit communication can only exacerbate the situation. A man will feel pressure and begin to resist internally, but in fact - spend more free time with his first children. There is a good proverb that reflects this situation: the harder you hold, the faster it will slip away.

And when does a man obey and stop communicating with his former family (not without the direct or indirect fate of his current wife)? Then it is worth remembering that he can repeat his act again, but with the same woman.

3. Children from her husband's first marriage often treat the new spouse with hostility, or at least coldly. A woman just needs to try to accept this, calm down herself (after all, she cannot change the situation). This will allow the children themselves to get used to it. When they understand that the current wife of their dad is not applying for their place (after all, she is not a child, but a spouse), then the relationship will even out.

4. Children in a second marriage will not be able to replace the father of the first children. This is the law of hierarchy that works in the universe, not only in the world of the family. How to understand this? The first child is initially in the first place in this hierarchy, and he will always remain the first in any situation (“first”, not to be confused with “main”). Children in subsequent marriages, respectively, will be second, third, etc. (but not secondary) for the father (even if the first children do not maintain contact with the father).

This must be remembered and taken into account (asking your husband provocative questions, demanding a change in behavior - only spoil everything). In order for the relationship to improve, this fact must be accepted, since it is impossible to change something.

5. Joint meetings, as the experience of many women shows, only spoil the relationship, both between the father and the child, and between the current spouses.

Why is that? Jealousy, insecurity, guilt and resentment. All this should be absent on both sides, so that everyone is comfortable during the walk. Only then can you try to spend your free time together.

If the current spouse has a desire to establish communication with children, then it is better to start doing this without her husband (but after notifying him and obtaining consent). Meetings "on neutral territory" will help you find a common language easier. The behavior of children and women will be more natural and sincere.

6. The feeling of aggression, jealousy, hatred, which the current wife most often experiences towards the children from her husband's previous marriage, comes from a suppressed feeling of guilt (an internal state, not a moral postulate) in front of this family. This is bad, firstly, for the woman herself. To overcome such negativity, you need to allow the feeling to come out.

Perhaps it will be a trip to a psychologist, to a church, art therapy, a letter (it is not necessary to send it), a conversation with a stranger, with a husband, in the end. How do you get rid of feelings of guilt? The woman must first understand and accept the fact that her marriage was made possible by her first marriage. Then she will feel guilty and realize it. At the last stage, you need to forgive yourself for the fact that everything happened this way. Feeling guilt and getting rid of it is an important component of inner harmony.

A heavy burden for wise wives

“Why are there so many demands on a wife in a second marriage? This is unfair! " - quite logically, these same wives may be indignant. There are always much more difficulties in the family, if at least one spouse came “with luggage,” therefore the requirements are also increasing. But if the current wife was able to keep a new family, and children from husband's first marriage did not become her enemies, then this is truly a very wise, persistent and patient person. And the happiness of such a woman will also be several times greater, as well as the happiness of a man who is lucky at least this time to find a worthy spouse.

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The relationship of second wives with children from their first marriage and, in particular, with their mothers is one of the most frequent and difficult problems in the family.

Jealousy, misunderstanding and, most importantly, unwillingness to properly understand acute conflict issues can prevent the creation of a truly happy and prosperous family union. Sometimes you have to make concessions to keep the warmth of your home. Only by forgetting about selfishness, acting wisely and patiently, you can achieve balance and harmony in the family.

In this article, we'll look at common parenting mistakes and the best ways to deal with the situation.

Husband's children from his first marriage

So, you met a man who is wonderful in every way. After a long stage of communication, courtship and the so-called "grinding" you understand that this person is exactly the one with whom you would like to connect your life.

But there is one "but". Your future life partner has already been married and has one or more children. And right now the time has come when it is worth considering all your further steps in order to avoid irreparable mistakes.

As a rule, in the case of the husband's children, the new wife experiences more problems than the man in the mirror situation. In the event of a divorce, in most cases, the child stays with the mother. This means that your man will be somehow attached to his first family and the past will remind of himself all the time.

Why don't I love my husband's child from his first marriage?

If you are feeling negative about your man's child or children, it is likely that this phenomenon has more reasonable reasons than just blind jealousy. To find a way out of their current situation, you must first understand the sources of your negative feelings towards children.

In the most common cases, the following factors can be the reason for this hatred:

1 The husband's child is behaving simply intolerably.

Children conduct cunning and sophisticated tactics of dealing with a newly-made mother: they either arrange scandals and tantrums, or silently ignore you.

This behavior is unlikely to please even the most loving parents. But all stupid and ridiculous actions always have their own explanation.

Some children tend to feel guilty about the separation of their mother and father.

Inappropriate behavior is evidence that the child is very worried about what happened, and thus tries to cope with stress.

Perhaps, by his actions, the child is trying to provoke you into retaliatory aggression. As soon as you break loose, his goal will be achieved: yes, indeed, dad brought an evil stepmother into the house.

The only right decision for you is to be as patient and loyal as possible, without thereby getting involved in a conflict. It is insanely difficult, but the result must exceed all expectations. Sooner or later, children will appreciate your support and care and still accept their father's choice.

By the way, practice and meditation will definitely help you in this matter.

2 Children do not make contact at all and openly hate you.Be understanding of your child's behavior. He, a small emotional person, almost always evaluates the situation one-sidedly.

Whatever the background of his parents' relationship, in his eyes you are the woman who broke their family happiness. This feeling is especially intensified if the child is "processed" by his mother.Perhaps he will realize everything later and will forgive both you and his father. So think for yourself: responding with hatred to the hatred of a child is not worthy of an adult and reasonable woman.

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Understand that the baby negatively perceives the image of the new daddy's wife, and not specifically you as a person. He doesn't even know you yet, so his hatred is a kind of defensive reaction. And it is you who, with your kindness and wisdom, must prove to the child that he was fundamentally wrong.

This does not mean that from now on you will desperately try to become best friends with him. Do not impose your society, if the child is angry - leave him alone for a while, give him the opportunity to sort out his feelings. But also do not allow the baby to withdraw into himself. For now, let your husband try to communicate with him delicately on this sore subject.

3 After the wedding, the husband's behavior changed dramatically:he devotes all his free time to children, and treats you coolly. The beginning of a joint family life with a new chosen one turned out to be completely different from what you imagined him to be.

A man responds to every call of his ex-wife and is ready to fulfill any responsibilities related to children. Not to mention the financial side of the problem, when a monthly round sum from the family budget is sent to the necessary and not so things and entertainment for the beloved child. Thus, it seems to you that children are taking away your rightful share of happiness and love.

Now think how absurd it is to be jealous of your husband for his own children.

One way or another, no matter how harmful and capricious children are, they and only they are the most precious thing that he can have. He also loves you madly, but with a different, conscious and adult love. It is by understanding the importance of these roles that you can create a real harmonious and strong family.

What should a woman do in such a situation?

There is no need to explain how difficult it is to raise someone else's child, to give him your care, warmth and love. And adopting a husband's child from another marriage is an impossible task at all for many women, simply by nature.But an adequate, wise and sometimes even cold perception of this situation will help keep calm and peace now in two different families, connected with such a fragile thread.

1 Understand and accept.By rejecting your husband's past, you simply do not have the moral right to claim that you truly love him. It doesn't matter what his past relationship really was - a ridiculous mistake or an exhausted love affair. This does not mean that you are obliged to sincerely and wholeheartedly love your husband's child, but you should not even try to erase him from your life.

2 Do not take the position of the aggressor.Whatever your husband says about his ex-wife, try to respect her at least like a woman. Whatever one may say, in this situation she is more likely to be the victim. She has her own truth, and she, a woman who is now raising your man's child alone, should not at all be interested in your happiness and well-being.

3 The ex-wife has the right to associate with your husband.Always remember this and do not interfere with the communication of your half with the mother of his child. And don't let her sudden calls be an unpleasant surprise for you. Both parents still have to resolve issues related to upbringing and necessary purchases.

The ex-wife should also count on physical assistance if needed.

All this is very important, first of all, for the well-being of the child.

4 Try to improve relationships with children.A young and energetic woman does not need to have a reputation as a "spiteful stepmother". Take the first step towards normal communication with your child yourself: try to talk to him, find out how he is feeling and for what reasons he is worried. Do it sincerely, so if you really do not want to make contact yourself, do not try to get off with gifts.

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5 Give your spouse the right to private time.Perhaps the child will not want to immediately contact you (or his mother will not allow him to do this). Do not be offended by him and do not demand attention to yourself. Allow your husband to spend time with the child without you: after all, they may have their own little secrets too.

6 Let the man be independent.If your husband has a strong desire to help his child, then he can only be praised for this. A true leader never abandons his flock, which means that your common children will always be under reliable protection. Do not impose your opinion on him, because a mature man in any situation should be able to make his own decisions.

7 Don't try to "demarcate" your father's love.When a child is born in your marriage, forget about jealousy. Often from women in such situations, you can hear phrases like "Now we need you more than he does." This is fundamentally wrong: there are no "former" or "current" children, each of them has its own place in the life of the parents. Both older and younger children are entitled to the same treatment. By the way, it's good if your husband understands this just as well.

What should a man do in such a situation?

In such cases, the man himself is often in an uncomfortable position. The soonest solution to the problem depends on what model of behavior he chooses for himself. Now he, as the head of the family, has a special responsibility.

1 It doesn't matter for what reasons you broke up with your first wife. The main thing is to maintain a sense of respect and loyalty to her as to the mother of her child.

2 Cultivate and encourage the new spouse's desire to maintain relationships with their children from their first marriage. At the same time, you should not demand from her one hundred percent sincere and great love. Celebrate any successes she has with her children and, of course, compliment her as much as possible.

3 Remember that one of the main reasons new wives are jealous of their ex and their children is the fear that old feelings will slowly re-emerge.

Do your best to ensure that your current spouse does not doubt that now she and she alone is the only beloved woman in your life.