Choice between guys. Assessing our own feelings... Which men should not be chosen

25.05.2019

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Someone will say - "to love two at once - this is promiscuity." And someone will say - "Great! Double portion of attention! And someone will even say that this is not love at all, since you are drawn to two sides at once. And only one in a thousand will understand how hard it is when the heart is torn from love at once for both men.

What to do? How to choose one of the only two of them?

Testing Yourself - 8 Methods for Choosing Between Two Guys or Men

If the heart does not want to be determined at all, and the spiritual weather vane is spinning like crazy, it makes sense to test yourself and make the task of such a serious choice easier.

We appreciate the positive qualities of each ...

Does he have a sense of humor? Can he cheer you up, and does he understand your jokes? A person with a sense of humor looks at the world in a completely different way and charges everyone around with his optimism.
What do you feel when he touches you? And is he able to restrain himself in the manifestation of feelings?
What are his interests in life? Is he a purposeful person with his own outlook on life or a bore who values his own comfort more than anything in life?
How does he act when someone needs help? ? Is he in a hurry to help without hesitation, or is he pretending that this does not concern him?
What exactly attracts him to you (besides your appearance)?
How much time does he spend with you? Relishes every minute, stretches out the pleasure, hurries to you right away, as soon as you have a free “minute”? Or is he in a hurry on a date, constantly looking at his watch, leaving immediately "after ..."?
How often does he call you? Right before you arrive with a brutal “Baby, I’m coming over today”? Or just barely having time to go beyond the threshold, with a sigh - “baby, I already miss you” and almost every hour, just to find out how you are?
Does he flirt with other girls in your presence?
How does he treat children?

Assessing our own feelings...

How do you feel when she calls or sends a message?
Do you feel “at your place” and “at ease” next to him?
Does it make your heart beat faster with just the touch of your hand?
Can you imagine being with him in your old age?
Does he accept you for who you are?
Do you feel next to him that “wings open” and “you want to live to the fullest”?
Or are you next to him, like a shadow or a bird in a beautiful cage?
Do you feel like you are getting better around him?
Does it support your desires and aspirations in development?
Do you feel special, most loved and desired next to him?
Without which of them do you suffocate, as if you cut off the oxygen?

We evaluate the negative sides of both ...

Does he have bad habits that annoy you?
How jealous is he? It’s bad if he’s not completely jealous - either he’s disingenuous, or he just doesn’t care. It is also bad if jealousy goes off scale, and every passer-by who briefly smiles at you runs the risk of getting in the nose. The golden mean here is just that.
Does he care what you wear and how you look? Of course, every man wants his woman to be the most stunning and beautiful, but a mature man usually hides the long legs of his half from other people's eyes and disapproves of short skirts, too bright makeup and other charms.
How heavy is the burden of the past behind him? And if "very heavy" - will it interfere with your relationship?
Does he try to control you? Or is he always looking for a compromise if a controversial issue arises?
Is he able to admit that he is wrong?
How often does he have outbursts of unreasonable aggression?
Is he able to take the first step towards reconciliation if you had a fight?
Did you notice lies behind him? How candid is he with you? How high is the level of trust between you?
Has he told you about his past love? And in what tone? If he remembers the former too often, most likely, his feelings for her have not yet cooled down. If he remembers with "bad words" - it is worth considering. A real man will never say bad things about a former passion, even if she gave him "hell on earth."
If you get sick, does he run for medicine and sit by your bed? Or waits until you get better, occasionally sending SMS “Well, how are you doing”?

Appreciate the feelings of both ...

How deep are his feelings for you? Is he ready to connect his life with you forever or is your relationship superficial and based only on physical attraction?
What is he willing to sacrifice for you? Will he be able to rush after you if you suddenly decide to study / work in another city?
What might be his reaction if you decide to break up with him? “Come on, goodbye” or “What happened?”? Will he immediately disappear from your life or will he fight for you? Of course, you don’t need to ask - just try to imagine such a situation and its consequences.

Help the hall or call a friend

If you have a trusting relationship with parents share your problem with them. They will surely tell you how best to proceed, and express their opinion “from the height of the past years” about both candidates for your heart.

can talk and with friends but only if you trust them 100 percent.

And the decision, of course, is still up to you.

Making a list...

How are they similar to each other?
What are their differences?
What exactly do you feel for each (describe each feeling)?
What qualities do you like in them?
What qualities do you absolutely dislike?
Which one do you have more in common with?
Which one of them would you most like to wait for after work with a delicious dinner?
Which of them would you like to introduce to your parents and relatives? And how can parents perceive each?

Throwing a coin...

Let one be tails and the other heads. After tossing a coin, follow your thoughts - who exactly do you want to see on your palm?

Let's not rush...

Don't try to find a solution immediately. Give yourself (and them) some time. Take a break from both for at least a week - which one will you miss more? Just don't drag out this selection process for too long.

And if your relationship has not yet crossed that very border of intimacy, do not cross it. Make a choice before you realize that one of them has been cheated on.

The choice between the two guys is made - what's next?

If the decision is really made, it's time to part with one of them. No need to leave it "in reserve" - tear immediately. After all, if she both wants to live with you until old age, then torturing both of you is simply unforgivable. Let go of the one you care less about.
You do not need to tell him when parting that you have a “different”. Do it as gently as possible. It is unlikely that he will be delighted with your confessions, but it is in your power to soften the blow. Try to make friends.
The feeling of emptiness from the loss of that second one is normal. It will pass. Relax and don't beat yourself up.
Thoughts like “what if I made a mistake?” also to the side. Build your relationships and enjoy life. Never regret anything. Life itself will put everything in its place.
Accept that some of you three will get hurt. It won't work otherwise.
If your conscience is tearing you apart from the inside, and the solution just doesn’t come, and they, among other things, are also best friends, then break up with both. This way you will provide yourself with a very solid "time out" to sort out feelings, and will not become a wedge in their friendship.

In general, listen to your heart! It doesn't lie.

Have you ever had to make such a difficult decision, and what can you advise girls who are faced with a choice?

Women who are beautiful and lucky in love are always envied. Less happy ladies try to connect life with the one who got married, even if the chosen one and the cancer are without fish. They do not understand the complex beauty dilemma - how to choose one from two men so as not to miss.

Marina, the heroine of Tatyana Dogileva in the film "Station for Two", had the same problem. Watch a short excerpt from this film. Perhaps this situation is close to you, and together we will try to figure out how to make this difficult choice.

PS: Unfortunately, the video is not played on the site, you need to click "View on Youtube".

The choice is really difficult. Having refused one, you will have to meet tomorrow with another, and perhaps for many years to come. But it is so difficult to break off relations with an "offsider" who had so many wonderful qualities that the chosen one does not have. But in order to choose a truly worthy man, one must not single out specific qualities, but take something in between and then work on his development herself.

One bright quality is not an indicator of a superman. Sometimes a “fat plus” in character, habits or appearance can give the opposite - a “fat minus”. And then this quality, which so attracted you from the beginning, may soon turn you away and you will regret that you really missed. How? Read on - you'll find out.

If the guy is handsome

How sometimes appearances can be deceiving! Apparently, it was nature itself that created the external beauty of a person, as if she had guessed some kind of secret code: if you cope with decoding, you will understand what kind of person is inside. But ideal handsome men with an impeccable figure have such cockroaches in their heads:

Knowing about his perfection, the handsome man is most often arrogant and demands an ideal from his girlfriend. Such a union is reminiscent of puppet Barbie and Ken.

He constantly needs enthusiastic praise in his address. Something is wrong with the appearance of his chosen one - he will change it for another.

At first, beauty really beckons. But if a man lacks charm and a pleasant character, then soon the features of a pretty face will seem ugly. But an interesting guy with a sense of humor, but with an ordinary appearance, it seems already against the background of a handsome man, just a god. Therefore, firstly, find out what your chosen one is hiding under his guise, and secondly, draw conclusions.

If the guy is a rich Pinocchio

This is another type of men who are so rushed by women. And how many these fools were burned later, thinking that they would always throw rose petals at their feet. Maybe at first it will be so, but once everyday life will begin. But in order to explain in more detail, it is necessary to break this case into three parts.

Major Boy

It's not his money, but his parents'. If you want to marry such a person (if you are no match for him), keep in mind that, first of all, you will often be pointed out to your place in the corner. Because you don't deserve anything in a rich boy's house. If you choose a guy, then let it be without parental easy money, but aspiring and sociable, who will still make a career with or without you. And in general, "to become a general's wife, one must be married to a lieutenant." Initially, it is better to do a career together.

Middle aged man

Well, the union is quite decent if you can give him something of yourself: beauty, grooming, good manners, create comfort in the house, raise children correctly. But often women fall into a golden cage. Only a man can indicate what you are allowed to do, since he dressed and shod you, and you are covered in chocolate. Then such unfortunate swells come to various talk shows, sob with crocodile tears, and tell how unhappy she is - her husband beat her, took away her children, kicked her out of the house.

Old moneybag

It is clear that such marriages are always a calculation if the girl is young (and the rich will not take the old woman). Marriage barter: "I give you money, you give me a body." And will you like this? Will you love him? Wouldn't you like to jump into the bed of your peer while bathing in wealth? Most likely you will. But keep in mind - most often it happens that moneybags aged quickly figure out treason - they have become wiser over the years. And the result is the same - a kick in the ass.

So, when marrying for money (regardless of the age of the man), keep in mind that not everything is so simple. Marriage is not bad if you have at least one of these qualities:

Before marriage, you have enough of your own capital to be on an equal footing.

You are smart and driven enough to make your own career.

You have enough impudence, impudence and courage to run around the courts in case of a divorce.

How to choose by temperament

So, if we figured out the rich handsome men (these are the most requested qualities in women), then we will still return from heaven to earth when the time comes for a choice. You can't date two at the same time - it's time to get married. Let's find you a guy by temperament.

You are a glamorous bitch

As a rule, people like you are looking for rich handsome men. But conclusions have been drawn. If you are still a little naive, then you need a calm and serious guy - it is with him that you will gain intelligence and wisdom. Let him see you as an initially beautiful doll. But it is he who will help you avoid big mistakes in life. He will be able to gradually subdue your ardor, which is exactly what is needed.

You are a homebody

Yes, you like not to exhibit, parties are disgusting to you, and housekeeping is your favorite thing. You really don't need a reveler who lives his life in nightclubs. You will be jealous. But you also don’t need a homebody who has buried himself in a computer for days - you will lose interest in each other. Better than the one that will occasionally take you out to quiet parties in a narrow circle of friends, on a picnic, on long trips by car around the cities. Then the two of you will not be bored.

You are bright and cheerful

These are most loved by brutal men. Rockers in leather jackets with stern faces. Well, these guys are good for parties, but in everyday life they can be difficult - they don’t like everyday life and in life they are often aggressive. For a family, in this case, an easy-going merry fellow is needed, with whom there will always be a holiday.

You are a businesswoman

This is where marriage with a wealthy man will be good. Interests are the same - you are both career lovers and know how to make money. In general, you don’t need a leisurely vacation, because in a few days of vacation you can lose capital and business acumen. And for both, it's a disaster.

You are a "bitch"

You don't like housework, and you don't give a damn about wealth. Your style is hippie-free. In this case, it’s still too early for you to choose a man, perhaps: it’s just that there may be the same person nearby who doesn’t think about the future yet and lives one day, and who will love you, despite your frivolous nature.

The best male qualities

Now look at what criteria you need to choose the best of the two for later life:

kind

Not humiliatingly kind, but with a calm, gentle character. He will never raise his hand against a woman and children. Even if not everything goes smoothly with the future relatives of the wife, he will at least treat them condescendingly.

Purposeful

With such fearless to have lunch. Even if he does not achieve great heights, then at least there will always be prosperity in the family.

Witty

Yes, without humor, a man is not a man. You will never get bored with him, and if he also speaks wit in the company, then he will also be a soul in it. And this is everyone's attention.

Suitable for temperament in bed

Sex is not the last place in family life, so if you love each other perfectly as you want, then cheating can be avoided.

Clever

The way a person thinks, listens to others, analyzes - can say a lot about his future. A stupid fool will not achieve much, even if he somehow has a higher education.

Knowing the measure

It's not just alcohol and smoking. Even gambling can be dangerous. Therefore, if in the company he is cheerful without terrible libations, and not a gamer who spends all his money on games, then the golden mean is the norm.

This is exactly the case when his interest coincides with yours. Then you will be not only a family, but also best friends, and this is most important with your loved one.

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her methodology has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Question " How to choose between two men?” probably bothered or bothered every woman. It is very difficult to find a way out of this situation, especially knowing that you can break the heart of one of the contenders for your heart. But you still have to make a choice, because the good old saying says: “If you chase two hares, you won’t catch one.” By tormenting yourself and the men in love with you, you run the risk of being left alone at best, because sooner or later they will get tired of rivalry, and you will not have time to blink an eye, as there will be no spirit left from both admirers. In addition, you must remember that men also have feelings that are very easy to hurt, even despite the outward “impenetrability”.

The easiest and most popular way is to trust your intuition. It is not for nothing that legends are composed about her, because female intuition is indeed a very powerful feeling. Listen to yourself, imagine yourself next to each of the men in a year, five years, ten years. Would you like to be with him for that long? Would you like to live with him under the same roof, meet his parents, become part of his family and raise common children? At this stage, you should more or less make a choice. Try not to delay with reflections, because the longer you delay, the more you give hope to men. As a result, parting with one of them will be much more unpleasant than, for example, a week ago.

If your intuition chose to remain silent on this issue, then it’s time to turn on the logic and think about who could suit you, based on the habits of both men, their appearance, character and hobbies. To be sure who you still need, we advise you to use our tips, which you can find below.

Positive qualities of a man

One of the very first steps towards choosing a man of heart is to determine his positive qualities. At this stage, you need to analyze both chosen ones as accurately as possible, determine their strengths, habits that you like, common hobbies, and the like. To do this, we have compiled several questions, the answers to which will help you deal with your feelings.

What is his sense of humor?
It's no secret that with dull people who are not able to understand an elementary joke, it quickly becomes boring. Do you need a sissy who is constantly offended by your harmless jokes? Unlikely. It is much more pleasant to be near a cheerful man. He can always cheer up, keep up the conversation, cheer in the company and alone. Take a closer look at your chosen ones, how do they behave next to you? Try an innocent joke and see how they react.

What does he like about me?
This is a very important question, although you still won’t get a clear answer to it from a man. You should take a closer look at him, how does he behave in the company? Draws attention to other girls who have longer hair than you. The skirt is shorter, the figure is slimmer, the chest is larger, and so on. If he only likes appearance in you, then this person is definitely not an ideal chosen one. Appearance is a matter of time. Will he be there for you when your flat tummy is covered with stretch marks after you give birth to his child? Will his attitude change when your hair turns gray and wrinkles appear? Think carefully about this.

How does he treat me?
Some men are very fond of taking on the role of a homegrown tyrant, dictating their terms to your every move. Are any of your chosen ones able to respect your choice? Do they respect your choice? Do they support in case of failure? If you make a mistake, won't they scream and accuse you of all mortal sins? The key to any relationship is respect on both sides. If it doesn't exist, then it won't appear. You should not build a family on the principle of "be patient, fall in love", he never justified himself.

Is he lying to me?
This is also a very important question. Men who lie even on trifles can easily lie in response to a more serious question. If you have repeatedly noticed a lie behind one of your chosen ones, think three times before staying with him. What if he already has two wives, an adult daughter and debts of several thousand?

Can he always find time for me?
Of course, it is very nice when a man is ready to talk to you or take a walk in the park at any moment. Try calling him during a football match and inviting him over for a cup of coffee? If you do not hear obscene language, and after half an hour your man will be standing on the threshold with a cake, you can safely go for a wedding dress. Men are rarely able to escape from their everyday affairs in order to spend time with their beloved. If you come across such a rare copy - appreciate this quality.

How much do I have in common with him?
Shared interests are one of several bonds that make a good relationship. Find out from your chosen ones: what are their hobbies, what do they like to do, what kind of music do they like, do they like to cook, and so on. The more matches with your interests you find, the more this man is suitable for you.

Is he romantic? Every woman likes to be given flowers for no reason, or when a man is able to cook a small dinner for two on his own when you come home from work. The lack of romanticism in a man is not such a big drawback, although here you should navigate on your own. Some women don't like too much romance either.

Isn't he greedy?
No, it's not about the roses and rings that he gives you or doesn't give you. It's about the most common things. Can he occasionally pay for you in a cafe or even on a bus? All of a sudden buy you ice cream? Pay for a taxi? Even if you are a self-sufficient woman, such little things can still be very pleasant. And if one of your men thinks that it is better to save an extra hundred than to allow yourself to eat a delicious salad in a restaurant, then you should think about whether he is doing well with finances? If so, then he's just an ordinary goon. It is unlikely that you will be delighted with a relationship with such a miser, especially if it comes to marriage.

After carefully reading these questions, you must determine for yourself who is still more reliable. If it happened that both men are perfect for you, then the situation is more complicated than it seemed. Try to talk to your girlfriends, ask them to announce all the pros and cons of each man. From the outside, sometimes everything looks completely different, especially if you are fascinated and this does not allow you to think soberly.

It should be remembered that the choice will still have to be made. And some will still get hurt. If you are dealing with two good friends, then think carefully: are your feelings for one of the men really stronger than their friendship? Are you ready to destroy it by choosing one of the men? Indeed, in rare cases, rivals remain friends and a break in relations is inevitable. If you have not had time to become strongly attached to men, then try to find someone else for yourself without destroying male friendship. Well, if, nevertheless, you are too attracted to one of them, then make a choice and do not torment the second man.

After you have made a choice, it is very important not to cheat on him and not to reproach your chosen one for owing you something, because you preferred him to another. Such an attitude can produce a scandal and lead to a break. Respect your man, be faithful to him and do not torment yourself with thoughts about the second chosen one, whom you refused. If thoughts about him do not leave you for a minute, then you made the wrong choice, and if not much time has passed, then there is still an opportunity to change everything.

Never be afraid to make a mistake. You are only responsible for yourself and your life. You are not to blame for the fact that both men at the same time paid attention to you, you should not reproach yourself with this. When choosing a lover, it is important to look ahead. Remember that the main goal is to feel as comfortable as possible around your man. Give preference to someone with whom you are comfortable already at the initial stage of the relationship, with whom you can be yourself, who understands and supports you.

We hope our tips helped you solve your problem.

Dating & Pickup

How to choose between two girls

Since childhood, everyone knows very well that love is a pure feeling, a rush of heart that can occur in any person. But everyone is silent about the fact that sometimes in the heart there is a place for two girls at once.

Such duality can begin to tear a man in different directions, the girls think so. On many women's sites, girls speak extremely negatively against such men. They offer them not to "spoil" the brains of two girls and stay alone.

On the other hand, when a girl is dating two guys at the same time and cannot choose, women sympathize with her and call her "a lost angel who is confused in her relationship." In other words, no matter what you do, no matter what decision you make, girls will always blame you. Either they chose the wrong one, or they chose too long. Therefore, we send their opinion far away and do not worry. The first thing you should do is breathe a sigh of relief that you are a normal man. Nature itself has created a man so loving. If your heart draws you to an attractive girl, then you are healthy, strong and courageous. That's the way it should be. If there is a beloved girl next to you, this does not mean that other girls will not attract you. They will be, as they will be.

But we are talking about love, about the feeling that makes a man give up his freedom of choice for the sake of a single girl. But what is the problem? What is love? I remember the statements of men. For some, these are warm hugs and tender kisses, for others, passionate nights and closeness of the body. Still others will prefer a girl who understands him and his thoughts. And the fourth if only there was comfort and order in the house. Love is a feeling that has many facets. A man cannot love different girls for the same thing. But he can love different girls for their dissimilarity. This is masculine nature.

Thus, the question arises: "Which of the two girls to choose?" Let's discard the option that you like someone more or less. Both girls are beautiful, and your heart responds to the call of both. You can’t even imagine how much pain the men went through trying to choose one in such a situation. Because you can't choose in a situation where you can't choose. If your feelings led you to such a situation, then it was necessary from the very beginning. Realize that you don't have to make the choice today, you don't have to meet both every day. Spend your time in a way that makes you feel good. And life is smarter than you, sooner or later the situation will change and it will be good.

If you like some girl more, but you don't want to lose touch with another. Don't rush the relationship. It is not necessary to burn all the bridges, you can slowly go forward step by step, leaving the opportunity to return. No girl will like this situation. But who said that at least one girl will find out about this, and even if she finds out, she will understand the course of your thoughts?

Ultimately, every man has the criterion that is most important to him. Whether it is the presence or absence of something. For example, one girl may be beautiful and pretty, but she smokes. But the man doesn't like it. Then, for him, even a girl who does not smoke and has beauty for a weak four will be much more attractive.

Affairs of the heart do not like haste. And when you like two girls at once, there should definitely be no rush. It doesn't matter what other people think. Your business is only yours. And this situation can be fatal for you.

If you are in love with two girls at once:

You still can't always be with both girls. So, get the most out of every meeting.
Sometimes it's easier to say goodbye to both girls than to make the right choice that suits you yourself.
It's never too late to admit your mistake and return to the one you abandoned. This is life, there are no strict rules. All in your hands.
If you make a choice, then you will need to stop communicating with the other girl. And if you change your mind, it will be easier to return it.
You already know what you need to do. You are just afraid to accept this choice.

Dear readers! We will be very grateful if you share with us your life experience or comments related to this topic.

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