Sometimes men choose to disappear without explanation. And no matter how long your relationship lasted - two weeks or two years, this act seems mean, cowardly and irresponsible. Finding herself in such a situation, any woman will begin to get lost in conjectures, analyze her actions and look for explanations for the man's actions.

Here are the most common motives that will answer the difficult question - why do men disappear without explanation?

1. He doesn't want to take responsibility

When a romance comes to a standstill, someone has to say a final goodbye, thereby taking responsibility for ending the relationship. Unfortunately, many men are simply afraid of responsibility. At first, they delay the decisive conversation, and then, without gaining strength, they simply disappear.

2. He is afraid of explanations

If one phrase was enough to break off relations - "it's all over between us", men would stop disappearing without explanation. But since after this phrase a woman will probably want to know the reason for this decision, will try to talk and, perhaps, start to reproach or even cry, men prefer to leave in English. This way they save their nerves.

3. He feels like a victim

You may feel that your relationship is full of love and understanding. But it is possible that the man thinks a little differently. By nature, the stronger sex is quite straightforward, but there are exceptions when a man, feeling like a victim, expects explanations and apologies from you. And, considering himself offended, the man goes underground, sincerely believing that you will be the first to start the decisive conversation.

4. He is afraid of accusations

If the initiator of the breakup is a man, he a priori takes the position of the culprit. And when a man does not have enough courage to admit his mistake or explain the reason for his decision, he will prefer to leave quietly and without saying goodbye.

5. It seems to him that you yourself understand everything

Crises are inevitable for long-term relationships. But if the crisis has dragged on, and people continue to be together by inertia, sooner or later someone will prefer to leave. A woman in this situation, of course, will carefully think over her farewell speech and will try to do everything so as not to hurt the feelings of her partner. But men think differently. They just do not understand why unnecessary conversations and clarifications are needed, when everything is clear anyway?

6. He doesn't know how to make decisions

Men who leave without explanation are most often characterized by moral weakness. If he is not used to taking responsibility and making independent decisions, you should not expect noble deeds from him at the time of parting. Saying a simple goodbye is not as easy as it sounds. To do this, you need to have a share of decisiveness and prudence, which not everyone has.

7. He's afraid of scandals

In men, breaking up a relationship is associated with screams, tears, breaking dishes and other elements of a scandal. It's no secret that men don't like it terribly. Sometimes the fear of explanations is so strong that because of it a man is ready to sacrifice moral principles and the rules of decency.

8. He has another woman

If the motive for separation is the presence of another woman, who, moreover, insists that the man rather break off the relationship with you, it will be difficult for him to explain his action. Firstly, in this case, the man feels guilty, and secondly, he simply does not know what to tell you.

9. Your relationship is not developing as he planned.

Sometimes, when starting a relationship, men do not plan anything serious. If initially a man only needed an easy, non-binding romance, but at some point he felt that you were hoping for something more, it is possible that he will simply rush to retire from the “dangerous” zone.

10. You were his fallback

Alas, sometimes men do cruel things. It is not uncommon for men to start a relationship, but at the same time keep another, more inaccessible object within sight. The reason for such an act is banal to the point of nausea: if it is not possible to catch the "crane in the sky", he will remain with "a tit in his hands." If the crane falls from heaven to earth, he, without hesitation, will leave the titmouse. And the explanations in this scheme are clearly superfluous.

11. He tries to get out of the relationship as a winner.

The selfishness of some men does not allow them to stoop to explanations, admitting their mistakes and apologizing. It seems to them that leaving quietly and without saying goodbye is the act of a real man, while a banal showdown is the lot of weaklings.

12. He does not know how to cope with difficult situations.

For the most part, men simply do not know how it is to leave beautifully. They are afraid of our reaction, do not want to hurt us, and simply don’t know how to explain their actions. And if the real reason for the breakup is unpleasant for you, for example, you do not suit him in your intimate life, you demand a lot from him or take care of yourself insufficiently, the man will think that it is better to leave without explanation than to hurt you even more.

Someone else's soul is darkness. Indeed, in most cases men leave without explanation due to their weakness, lack of upbringing and unwillingness to take responsibility... But do not exclude the presence of force majeure as well. Maybe something serious happened in a man's life, something that you cannot even imagine. If you are sure that the man is okay, do not overwhelm yourself with unnecessary emotions. If the man left this way, be glad that you did not become his wife or the mother of his children. When a man cannot muster the courage to end a relationship beautifully, one should hardly expect any noble deeds from him in the future.

Disappearance Manipulation or the so-called intermittent love is a "classic of the genre" that men often use to make a woman fall in love with them. This is when a man, wanting to bend a woman under him, thinks: “Let it ripen! But then there will be no problems. "

Unfortunately this works.

So, the manipulation of disappearance is when the manipulator gives you positive emotions: love, recognition, admiration, approval, interest in you, attention, some signs of love. But he does it on a random basis.

That is, it gives and does not give. Now he is cold, then he is hot, then he is towards you with all his soul, then he disappears from your life altogether. And because of such intermittent love, you begin to feel like on an emotional swing. Now you are very good, then you are very bad.

Either you are together, and roses are blooming in your soul, then you start to doubt, do you have any kind of relationship at all or not? And after that you begin to doubt yourself, your worth, you are overwhelmed with all kinds of fears, you are overwhelmed with anxiety.

But due to the fact that emotions are still given to you, albeit periodically, it makes you think that the relationship does exist, and this is what makes you stay in this relationship.

If a man periodically disappears

When you ask the manipulator a direct question, the manipulator responds with indignation: “What are you, I love you so much. We're fine. Can't you see that I love you ?! " That is, he denies everything and says that something is wrong with you if you do not appreciate the love that he gives you.

P.S. You can understand why relationships deteriorate, where love goes and how to avoid all this, from the training of Tatyana Shishkina
.

You find yourself in a position where it is good for you, sometimes it is bad, and this does not depend on you in any way. By the way, this tactic is recommended to pick-up artists to make a woman fall in love with him.

This tactic, when a man, sometimes cold, sometimes hot, contributes to the creation of love.

How to behave if a man disappears and reappears

When a man periodically disappears, most women immediately begin to diligently delve into themselves, while shouting after them: “Wait! What did I do wrong ?! "

And now, when the object of hope nevertheless returns, it is now he who dictates the conditions, and the woman only nods and assent in agreement, so that he does not disappear again.

The disappearance manipulation has been known for a long time, and has been described more than once in the literature. For example, in "Black and Red", Julien Sorel just in this way fell in love with the maiden Matilda, from the house where he worked.

What advice can be given to a girl (woman) if she receives an SMS "Where did you go?" from a guy who actually disappeared himself three months ago, and now writes "Where did you disappear?"

Possible options: "Do you want to meet?", "Did you miss?", "And you were looking for me?" - this is if you want to continue to continue the relationship with the manipulator.

If you met a man online, through friends, or in any public place, then you went on a date and had a good time. The day passes, the second, the third. And the guy doesn't call or write. What if a man disappeared without explanation after the meeting? Our top correct SMS will help to stir him up and get news from him.

Why do men go missing?

There may be a lot of reasons why a man disappears:

1. He is very busy at work (starts a new project, writes an annual report or a scientific dissertation, saves aliens from a flood, flew to the moon for silver water).
2. Flight, travel and other business trip adventures. Usually in such places the internet is bad.
3. An ex-girlfriend turned up, who flared up with feelings for him again.
4. In you, he saw a hysterical woman, a shrew, a mercantile person or a girl who reminds him of his ex.
5. Just not "him."
6. He only wanted physical contact from you, but he realized that you are not like that. Wasted no time and ran away.

This is a personal matter for every girl, but if you want, if this man hooked you, you need to try to get in touch with him. Yes, many girls will say that this is a man who should take the first steps: write or call. When you think so, it's best to just wait 3-5 days. If during the planned days the guy did not show up, then it is worth deleting him from your contacts.

And for those girls who want to immediately sort things out, go further, we will have some tips. So you can immediately decide for yourself: what to do next with this man.

There is nothing wrong with being the first to write to a man. But this must be done competently: subtly, unobtrusively and like a woman.

Urgent meeting‼

Girls, please, screen yourself these rules:

1. If a guy or a man disappeared without explanation, then he only needs to write once. If you wrote him an SMS, and he does not get in touch for several days, feel free to delete it from your life.
2. Don't knock on closed doors. Even if he answered you for the first time, and in the following days he is silent again, erase this person from the memory! You don't have to write to him all the time if he doesn't show any interest in you.

What to write to a man if he is missing

6th place: Post-provocation

The message is suitable for those girls who are familiar with someone from the company of the right man. There is a high probability that the guy will "bite" on this particular hook. Send him a message like this:

There are 2 options here: either the man does not react to it or gets in touch with the thoughts: “Who? What? Where? When?". The second SMS should be with an apology in something like this style:

5th place: Post-provocation

Another provocation can be like this:

A man, when he sees something like that, will surely react somehow. If that worked, then the following message should be with an apology. But if he did not answer, then you can safely delete his number from the phone book.

The average busy man needs 2-3 hours to answer. Perhaps he will answer you in the evening after work. In any case, you need to wait for an SMS no more than a day.

4th place: And again a provocation

In this option, you can immediately kill two birds with one stone and check his sympathy for you. You need to write a similar message:

If the man doesn't respond, then goodbye.

In any case, you should easily part with a man. If he doesn't get in touch, don't bother him. One message is enough.

3rd place: Question

The man disappeared without explanation? Try this simple and unobtrusive option. You can interest a man with a similar SMS:

A great way to nudge a guy to answer. After all, you saw him (no) and wonder: he was it or not. The option is quite unobtrusive and lightweight. A good reason to start a dialogue.

If you communicate with a man in instant messengers or social networks, then you can send him some cute photo or audio and provide the message with a small comment.

A great opportunity to showcase your good taste or find common ground in your tastes.

1st place: The best option

Excitement and compassion always speak of good manners and a high level of a person. The man will see that what is happening to him is important to you. What if something happened or you need moral help and support? The SMS should be something like this:

Materials taken from the channel of a charisma instructor and a true man Lev Vozhevatov.

If a man disappears without explanation, try it, take a chance and write to him. Maybe he was really busy and couldn't write you a couple of lines. You can read other secrets in our other article.

Thanks for your time.

Yesterday it seemed that everything was clear and smooth, with a man it was easy and comfortable, but today he disappeared without explanation? Don't jump to premature conclusions. We will try to figure out why the guy suddenly stopped communicating, depending on the situation. You will find out what the reasons for this may be if you have been together for a long time, if you kept in touch only by correspondence, or you only had the first and last date.

To answer the question, you need to consider how long you have been communicating on the Internet.

There may be the following reasons for the termination of virtual communication:

• Loss of interest... If the meeting did not take place in real life after 3-6 months from the beginning of the correspondence, then most likely it will not be.
• Lack of time for correspondence... Perhaps he works a lot or is overwhelmed with problems to which males react very painfully.
• Realizing that your dating goals are different... For example, you want a serious relationship, and he is looking for a girl for joint leisure or intimacy, or vice versa.
• Intervention by another... It may well be that a more interesting interlocutor has appeared on the site.

This article will help you understand in more detail. You will learn about the main causes and ways to eradicate them, you will be able to write a competent text to send a message first.

Reasons why a man does not appear after the first meeting

Perhaps he realized that he was not ready for a serious relationship, but admit it to the girl's face? No, the guy is not capable of such courage. Therefore, your potential groom chose to tactfully retreat with minimal losses.

Another option - having met with you and remembering his past painful experience, he, most likely, was afraid to repeat it again and again to get burned. In this case, he may still appear in your life when he is emotionally more mature.

And the last thought, why communication began to cease to be active - he just did not like you. It is difficult to determine their emotions by the faces of some men, but usually a woman intuitively understands whether her interlocutor likes her. Appearance, character, demeanor, some bad habits could repel.

It is also likely that you didn’t know. Here it is said where to start the conversation, how to support it and what phrases to end it with so that the man proposes to meet again.

What could happen if a loved one does not get in touch

Yes, it is unpleasant and offensive when a person with whom everything was good in the early relationship, suddenly disappeared. Here are the TOP-6 reasons to explain why active communication could fizzle out:

1. Fell out of love... Alas, it happens. Your partner just felt that the relationship had become obsolete and decided to end it. and what to do in such a situation? We answered these questions in another article.
2. He is not satisfied with your character... Many men do not accept acrimony, hysterics, "sawing" in women.
3. Frivolous intentions... Perhaps he regarded you as easy entertainment, a girl for one evening, for flirting and a pleasant pastime. Such a man has no place in your life.
4. Difficulties in life... He is having a difficult period that he wants to endure alone, perhaps, there are problems at work, in the family, with health.
5. Meeting another... He met a more beautiful, intelligent and interesting girl.
6. Lack of desire to develop relationships... He does not want to take them to a new level (cohabitation, marriage, children), therefore he chose to stop communication altogether in order to avoid accusations.

Other reasons why a guy can first actively communicate, and then suddenly end the relationship - disputes, misunderstandings, innuendo, which only indicate that this is not your person. To understand, this article will help. You will also learn what you can and cannot do in this situation.

Do you want to know all the secrets of seducing men? We advise you to look free video course Alexei Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women." You will receive a step-by-step plan of 12 steps on how to drive any man crazy and keep his affection for years to come.

The video course is free. To watch, go to this page, leave your e-mail and an email with a link to the video will be sent to your mail.

What to do in such a situation

Remember that there are different situations in life. Before you do something, you need to calm down and stop panicking, come up with the most impartial reasons. Just let go of the situation and try not to wait every second for his call or message. Call - good, no - it's okay. Such a simple attitude to the situation will help you keep your nerves and draw cold-blooded conclusions about the person.

If your relationship is serious, step over your pride and write or call him yourself.

Unobtrusively ask about his loss, without "assaults" and claims. He will have to answer you something. Perhaps he had serious problems with which he did not want to burden his soul mate and therefore preferred to disappear for a while. If he didn't answer, he probably has already put an end to your relationship. In this case, ask your mutual acquaintances if nothing happened to him. If they say everything is okay, text him. Say that you are worried about him, and that you feel that something is going wrong, offer to meet yourself and dot the "i" s.

This is a science that we comprehend all our lives. But the main advice voiced by psychologists boils down to the fact that we should not depend on a partner and not allow him to be dependent on us. Leave both to yourself and to your beloved personal space.

Don't be rude or sarcastic to your partner. Be soft and feminine, but do not forget to insist on your own sometimes just as gently. A man should not feel that you are commanding him, but do not allow him to command you either. Remember that you are a weak woman and give him the opportunity to help himself even on trifles and support you in difficult times.

Do not feel sorry for a man in case of any problems. Just believe in him and treat him as if he has already achieved success and has a bright future ahead of him. He will certainly appreciate your unobtrusive support.

And also, be careful in communication, because the wrong words can put an end to the relationship. Here are the ones that should never be said out loud.

Very helpful tips can be found in this video, it is clear that the man has a wealth of experience:

Before sounding the alarm and attacking a guy with accusations and demands to explain your behavior, remember that you are a beautiful, intelligent, talented girl! Should run after you ...

My greetings to you, dear!

Why do men disappear from relationships without explanation? This happens most often at the very beginning of a relationship, but sometimes especially “responsible” ones manage to evaporate even from the family. A special case is when a man disappears on the eve of the holidays, or after you ask him for a gift or help in something.
Who is to blame and what to do?

The man took the phone number and disappeared immediately after meeting

A variant of the story.
He saw you on a bus passing by, ran a whole block after you, got on the bus at a bus stop and, very embarrassed, asked for your phone number, because he really liked you and, in general, the girl of his dreams. At the same time, he was sober and adequate.

You agreed that he will call in the evening, and ... 2 weeks have passed since then, and he has not received a call or a tiny text message.
What devil's number did he take, one wonders? Enrages!

Why could he not call:

he just didn't want to. It happens that the romantic mood passes, the man switches to his life and forgets about this little adventure. Perhaps he just got bored while waiting for something, whiled away a free evening and had a little fun getting to know you, initially without planning to call. Or he may even be too lazy to get involved in a new relationship, especially if there is at least some alternative;

he spelled the phone number incorrectly, or the number was not saved. Or maybe the phone was killed right after they met, or it was stolen. Oops, no luck this time. Quite an unlikely situation. And if he really liked you very much, most likely he will find a way to meet you;

he is married or in a permanent relationship. He could not hold back the impulse and got to know you, but then he thought it over and decided not to get involved in a relationship on the side. Or he hid your number away so that he could call you when an opportunity arises and your wife leaves somewhere. While I was waiting, I forgot what you look like and called the one I could remember (and this is for the best);

he met you on a bet, as proof he needed to show your phone number, or your number - in itself a trophy that you can brag to your friends;

he learns to achieve goals, or set himself a task - to get acquainted with ten women he liked, while not being ashamed and not screwing up. Well, or simply he was interested in the process itself and flirting, he checked his "maleness" and whether he lost his combat grip, but it would be strange not to take the number, and therefore he took it. Or maybe he is a pick-up artist with their quirks peculiar to them;

after meeting you, I met another “girl of my dreams”, but I forgot about you, because fresh emotions were interrupted by some forgotten ones;

during the conversation, he realized that he had made a mistake with the conclusions about the "dream", but not asking for the phone number was already simply inconvenient, or took it just in case. Such an understanding can come to him some time after the conversation;

he needed urgent sex, and you refused to go with him where he invited (at least to a cafe for a start), or even during communication he realized that it would not work out so easily with you. He took your number for the sake of decency, maybe even walked you home, and then ran away to look for a more affordable option, and completely forgot about you;

he was disappointed that you so easily gave him a phone without forcing him to go through some kind of quest like "on Saturday at 6 pm I will come to dance at the fitness club on Sovetskaya 64, if you want, you can see me there." Some men are not looking for easy ways, they want to overcome obstacles and they are only interested in hard-to-reach and even inaccessible girls, they immediately lose interest in others. They have a peculiar understanding of easy accessibility: she gave the number right away - it means that the girl is so-so, probably no one needs it;

he died or a force majeure happened to him (this sometimes happens, although rarely).

In general, the cause can be anything from a simple change of mood to personal armageddon. Anyway, if he doesn’t call, it means he just doesn’t want to do it... Unless he died, of course.

What to do?

Nothing. Leave him the right to be what he wants and to do with his life as he sees fit. Very often a man meets, knowing full well that all this will not receive a continuation, and you have absolutely nothing to do with it. You should not get carried away with self-digging and look for the reason in yourself, because in the overwhelming majority of cases, as you noticed, the point is in the man himself and his intentions, and not in you.

In the end, this is just another acquaintance, which a free girl in search can have (and should have!) A dozen a day. Why attach too much importance to this? Go about your business, communicate and enjoy life. You shouldn't be driven. It will be necessary - he will find and call. The less you remember him, the faster you will forget. In a week, month, year, you will definitely not remember about it.

The man suddenly disappeared at the beginning of the relationship.

You started a relationship, everything seemed to be fine, maybe even you managed to make friends not only with hearts, but also with organisms. And then bam - you realize that for a whole week it has been washed away like water. Or he merged gradually, called less and less, and the time between meetings lasted more and more, and in the end he stopped showing signs of life. You feel crushed, and thoughts in your head are swarming in a circle: “Why? What did I do wrong? How to fix everything? "

Alas, not all men have the courage to at least write a text message that everything is over between you. Not to mention a personal meeting. And is this meeting really necessary? There is no more relationship, and what difference does it make how he told you about it. And if he didn't tell anyone and just disappeared without explaining the reason?

In this case, women most often begin to blame themselves. And in vain.

When disappearing at the beginning of a relationship, the reasons may be different:

1. He died or something tragic happened to him. Again, it is not excluded. This is a very unlikely case, so I highly discourage you from calling him, asking if everything is all right with him, and if he has given up his last spirit. Moreover, you shouldn't watch under the door of his apartment in order to “just talk and dot it”.

If you have been in a relationship for some time and are very worried about his life, ask mutual acquaintances about him once.
If they do not exist and there is no one to find out about its existence, then you can still easily check it yourself. Wait for him near work or home. The main thing is to do it from afar and do not catch the eye of either him or your mutual acquaintances! Otherwise he will think too much about himself, or even worse - he will feel like a victim of an abnormal hunter and will hardly ever show up.

As a last resort, you can also write him a message: "Hello, how are you?" Delivered, but there is no answer, and at the same time it regularly glows online? Hence, point number 2.

2. He just doesn't like you. Maybe they liked it initially, but they didn't like it, he saw that you and him have different interests, views on life and goals, and you are not on the way. Or he started dating you out of boredom, not wondering if he likes you. Does it really not happen for women to indulge a little out of boredom with someone from those who are not too interesting and with whom nothing long is planned from the outset? The boredom is gone, and the need for a relationship with you is no longer necessary. How can he explain this? Therefore, it prefers to evaporate in silence.

3. He realized that he conquered you, got what he wanted, and looks after the next prey, or is already running after it with might and main. Often this happens after sex, for which men most often hunt. This means that sex was the goal, either it was accidental, or not at all what the man would have liked. And here, in fact, this is the same point number two, in which he simply does not like you.

4. He was frightened of responsibility, your serious conversations and intentions, or even realized that he did not want to spend his life with you. Also point number 2.

5. He has a period of doubt, when he himself wants to decide whether to continue the relationship with you. Very similar to point number 2, but with unimportant nuances.

6. He made up with his ex. It's trite, because it happens often. Especially if he started a relationship with you in order to forget her, or to spite her, or to be jealous. The effect has been achieved, your services are no longer needed ...

7. He is tired of your tantrums, demands and brainwashing, especially in public. Due to the lack of gratitude and criticism, he feels used up. And his patience ran out.

8. He has problems or a blockage at work. That is, the fear of losing you fades into the background, because it is not so great in comparison with his problem.

9. Holidays are on the way: your birthday, New Year, February 14, March 8. It's a pity for a gift for you. After the holidays will be announced. Either you yourself asked him for a gift or help in something, and he disappeared. This is exactly item number 2.

It would seem that the reason should be obvious to the woman herself. But when falling in love literally creeps out of the ears, all this no longer seems so logical. I would like to hope for the best. Especially if you mentally already married him and gave birth to three children. And he takes it and brazenly merges ... I don't want to believe that this is the end. But nothing else remains.

What to do?

If he disappeared after the first sex, nothing. He is not interested in the development of relations, he will have to go through it. Any SMS and calls are a humiliation of your dignity.

If he disappeared before the first sex - all the more nothing. It is not difficult to forget the man with whom the woman has not slept. Sooner or later it will disappear from the head, leaving no trace. It is unlikely that it will take more than a few months, and after a couple of years you will not be able to remember about it, even if you want to.

If he disappeared after a couple of months of relationship - surprising, but again nothing. It makes no sense to terrorize him with calls, "accidentally" catch his eye, ask for forgiveness, offer help in solving problems, eternal friendship or meetings for sex. He may agree, but in his eyes you will lose the last value. What if he doesn’t agree, what will it be like for you?

Even if your tantrums were to blame, draw conclusions about changing your behavior in life, wait a couple of weeks, write to him "Hello, how are you?" and wait for a reaction. If he wants to communicate with you and meet, try not to repeat your destructive behavior. If his reaction is sluggish or not, continue looking for the man of your dreams. Give yourself the right to make mistakes! After all, no one is perfect, and there is nothing to make excessive demands on yourself. After all, you are not a gold bar for everyone to like, and you do not have to be loved by everyone who comes your way. Leave it to others to choose whether they like you or not. And these are not your problems. You, too, do not like everything.

And this "waste" will show up himself if he wants. And he will most likely do this not earlier than you really decide to let him go inside yourself.

In any case, even if you want to return him, first you need a pause in communication for 2-3 weeks, so that he can forget the bad things from your relationship, the resentment subsided, and he missed all the good things that happened between you. Problems are not eternal, if you get bored, he will call. And do not get bored - draw your own conclusions. By the way, I plan to write an article on how to correctly return a man. Therefore, subscribe to updates at your convenience: in contact with, or, or, so as not to miss it.

Why no explanation?

It would seem, well, tell you humanly that you don't want to continue, and that's the end of it. A woman will not suffer in the unknown. But no. And why is that?

The main reason for this is fear. Suddenly you will start to scandalize, sort things out, accuse him of all sins, cut off his phone, guard at the door, threaten, or even smash his car or face. And as if he hid his head in the sand, you look - everything will settle down by itself, she will survive and calm down.

Although his hopes look silly, it is still pointless to blame him for them. After all, women often do even worse than he might imagine in his worst dream. If all the women calmly reacted to the offer to leave, did not reproach him and cry, did not try to get a reason from him, did not persuade him to change his mind and stay where he does not want to stay, then it is quite possible that he would not disappear English.

That is, if women knew their worth and behaved with dignity. If he doesn't want, then he doesn't want, this is his decision and choice, it is impossible to be suitable for everyone, and you are good enough to arrange your personal life happily without him. If all women had so much self-esteem and self-confidence, the world would be completely different, full of responsible men. I wrote in detail about the benefits of female dignity in family happiness.

Also, the reason may be the feeling of being the navel of the Earth. He is sure that everyone around him thinks and feels the same as he does. In his head, he built logical arguments why your relationship has no future, and he is absolutely sure that everything is clear to you in the same way, this is more than logical!

He does not take into account that it is only logical for him, and you have your own feelings about the relationship with him, and for all other reasons too. Needless to say, women commit this sin not less often. For example, when they are sure that this is logical - after six months of relationship, buy the most expensive ring for which there is only enough money, invite to a restaurant, kneel down and, shedding tears of love and admiration, propose to a woman.

And he may have his own logic when, to whom and how to propose. The woman takes offense and leaves him, but he does not even understand why he was abandoned.

Or a woman thinks that it is logical and natural to help her when she puffs and struggles, drags bags from the store, or washes the dishes late at night, when everyone is already asleep. And this is not logical for a man - well, since she copes and does not ask for help, then she does not need it. If a man does not need help, he will not ask her, and offer to help him - humiliate him, show him that he is weak and unable to cope with it.

Therefore, he judges by himself, and the woman by herself. Everyone is sure that in the head of the other the same thoughts as in his. That the other perfectly understands what they want from him, but does not do it in spite, on purpose, to hurt him harder. This is how two adult small children break each other's relationship and life, who have not yet realized where one person ends and another begins.

Another option could be a period of doubt. Many male trainers argue that a man must have such a period when he decides for himself whether he wants to be with this woman. They converged too close and he needs to move away first in order to see her at some distance and feel the attraction. And it would be better if this period came at the beginning of a relationship, and not in a deep marriage.

A woman, as a rule, does not have such a period. Therefore, he will not even be able to explain to her what is what, no matter how hard he tries. Often he cannot even explain to himself why he wants to push off from her. If she doesn't get hysterical and just goes about her business, then most likely he will get bored and will be attracted again.

The man disappeared and appeared, how to behave

For whatever reason a man disappears, if he appears, then he has some desire to be with you. Strong or not - while he himself does not know. Therefore, competent behavior of a woman is important here.

To begin with, you need to set aside the desire for revenge and send away, fall in love and leave him, get him at all costs and come what may. Better analyze his qualities, past attitude towards you, listen to yourself - would you like to spend your life with this person? Are you interested in communicating with him? Are you inspired by his goals? Do you feel deep down in your soul that sooner or later you will part with him anyway, because he does not suit you? Are you just being fooled by his good looks? To help you decide, I specially wrote.

Usually inside a woman there are answers to these questions, but emotions drown everything. And then she either understands that he is what she needs, but pushes him away from resentment, or, on the contrary, realizes that he is not very interesting to her and does not suit her, but hunting excitement and offended pride make her fight for him, wasting her time in vain.

If you do not need him, you should not start this relationship anew. Better to end it now, before you get too attached. Then it will be more painful to tear it off, but you still have to, since it is not a match for you.

If you do not know him well and have not yet had time to understand whether he is needed or not, or are sure that he is needed, you will need all your self-control, pride and patience. React calmly when it appears.

You should not joyfully rush into his arms - for him it will be a sign that you are tired of waiting for him and he can disappear and appear whenever he pleases, and you are quite happy to be an alternate airfield and will always gladly accept him.

At the same time, you should not roll out resentments to him, paint your suffering that you experienced without him, how bad you felt without him. He can run away from guilt again. He may have had that very period of doubt and survived it.

You shouldn't scold him for this, it’s best to just explain your feelings: “I didn’t know what to think, it was like you don’t want our relationship anymore, and I tuned in for the worst and tried to come to terms with the idea that between it's all over with us. Therefore, I now need to think it over in order to understand if I want to continue. "

And let him try to earn your favor. Only take his courtship, gifts and attention not with a feeling of offended pride and arrogance, but as for the first time. As if he hadn't made a mistake, but nevertheless he rolled back a step and is now trying to conquer you again. Old new fan. And it's up to you to decide whether he is worthy of a second try or not.

If you did everything right, he won you over and you had a great relationship, but then he suddenly or smoothly disappeared a second time - your relationship is over. He has very big doubts about you. Too big to create a reliable family with him. This means that he does not suit you, because he does not love much enough. Or he is very afraid of responsibility, and this also means that he is not your match.

A man disappears and reappears

I won't say anything new - he doesn't like you enough to stop at you and stay. He may or may not have another woman - the conclusion is the same.

Yes, sometimes it happens that a man is very passionate and involved in his activities. Like Rearden in Atlas Shrugged. Such will sometimes appear and disappear again in his fantastically interesting work. Such are they, passionate people who can change the world. But there are very few of them.

Much more often it happens when you fit in and the man likes you in some way, but not in some other way. So he rushes about in the hope of finding a more suitable option. Sometimes he misses some of your qualities that are suitable for him, at such moments he calls and writes. If he does not show signs of life, then at these moments he is most likely thinking about your unsuitable qualities, or about the suitable qualities of some other woman. Therefore, it is pointless to torture him with calls - at this moment he is focused on the bad, and you push him away even more.

That is, in fact, he doesn't really need you. I specifically call the qualities "good for him" and "not good", and I do not call them your "good" and "bad" qualities. So that you do not suddenly rush to blame yourself and reshape these qualities to please him. If you try to adapt to him, to love what he loves, to stop loving what he does not like, you will lose yourself, and then you will not like either yourself or him, because he will become bored. Your self-esteem will drop to zero, you will constantly be looking for something else to change such a “curve” in yourself in order to please him more. And without consistently high self-esteem, healthy relationships are impossible.

It is much more interesting to find someone who needs your kit. My consulting experience shows that for every product there is a merchant who will be able to appreciate it. One considers a woman's mind to be a disadvantage, the other as a virtue. One needs a soft and submissive, the other - one who knows how to firmly defend her opinion and desires. One wants a woman who knows how to calmly negotiate, the other wants a brawler who, with her screams, causes a surge of emotions in him and makes him experience the whole rainbow of feelings. It is impossible to please everyone at once, it is better to look longer and find your own ideal.

It turns out that such a relationship, when a man "figaro here - figaro there" - is hopeless. It is impossible to adapt to it, but not to adapt - it will run away again. As a last resort, you can correct your frank flaws, which you yourself consider as such. For example, quarrelsomeness, rudeness, inadequate jealousy, neglect and others like them - it will not hurt to work on these qualities in any case, at least just for yourself, and not for him. But only if you want to. After all, in any case, you can find your connoisseur if you look well.

In such a “neither here nor there” relationship, a woman becomes deathly attached to a man. No wonder - he gives her such an emotional swing that you just rock! A woman thinks such a man is amazing because he shakes him ten points out of nine. Now from love and happiness, now from resentment and hatred. She feels "finally truly alive." And it’s so sweet and pleasant waiting for his call, and then he will crawl on his knees in front of her, ask for forgiveness and say that she is the best in the world and he realized that he could not live without her. They will have a sweet time of love, seasoned with the bitterness of expectation of a new separation, and then everything will repeat itself.

The rest of the business is relegated to the tenth plane, because nothing can compare with these sensations. In my head only he and the anticipation of his next trick, a keen desire to get him with giblets, and it does not matter how suitable he is. You can get into this addiction for many years.

Moreover, the dependence is not so much on a man, he in itself may not be needed, deep down, many women understand this. That they will part with him sooner or later, when their relationship is more or less settled down, because they have very different views on life, and by and large they are bored with each other.

The dependence here is more on these emotions and an irresistible gambling desire to achieve his love. Many of them say: "I am not used to losing, I have invested too much in it, I cannot afford to lose, and I will get it at any cost." Especially if he's handsome. They invest more and more, and therefore become more attached. There is too much at stake to be so easy to refuse. And the further, the worse. Just like in a casino.

The secret to getting rid of addiction is to put up with it, take it and give it up. If a man has disappeared more than once, then he simply does not suit you. After all, the main criterion for a suitable man is that he loves you and wants to be with you. And this one loves, sometimes dislikes, then again twenty-five. Is it possible to build a family with this? If you hope that the stamp in the passport and the presence of children will stop him, then you are mistaken.

Accept that you have invested too much in this relationship, and realize that you still have a lot left. You will not invest anything more in this relationship, and from now on you will only invest where you are truly welcome.

Find other sources of pleasure and emotion. During your relationship with him, you abandoned everything, because nothing could compare in the severity of your feelings with your hopeless romance. Old hobbies and hobbies do not bring more joy - look for new ones that do. Replace this addiction with another, only more useful and accessible one - for example, from a healthy lifestyle or your own gorgeous appearance. Only this time, remember that everything is fine in moderation, do not be obsessed and leave room for other things and hobbies in life.

A man disappeared from a family or a long cohabitation

Everything was fine, the family was created (or in the very near future), perhaps there are already children. And then for no apparent reason the man slammed the door and disappeared without explanation. Is this really possible?

Fortunately, rarely. This can only happen if, in fact, things were not so good. But the wife chose the position of the ostrich. She hid her head in the sand and did not want to notice the problems. Because I didn’t know how to solve them, and was afraid that everything would collapse. “A thin world is better than a good quarrel, it might somehow resolve itself,” she hoped. Didn't dissolve ...

The reason for this may be scandals, insults and grievances that have been accumulating, accumulating, and one day he realized that he was either in a noose or free. Because otherwise it will explode so that it will be collected within a radius of one hundred kilometers. The instinct for self-preservation makes him run. He can be understood, because he was not taught the ability to negotiate, hear another and competently convey his thought. And who were they taught?

The reason may also be his falling in love with another woman who delivered an ultimatum, he could not withstand the stress, and did not have the courage to look you in the eye. Just like long-term grievances with claims, a woman cannot help but notice that her husband has fallen in love with another. Therefore, here, too, one cannot say that he disappeared for no reason. The woman understood what was happening, but was afraid to ask questions. And if you really didn’t notice, then is it possible to say “everything is fine with us” about such a relationship? The family lacks intimacy and understanding of what is happening to the other person. Not spouses, but cohabitants in a common area. When there is emotional closeness, the change in the mood of the other is felt almost instantly.

Leaving a family once and for all is not so easy. Parents and friends will make him change his mind and come back (if you've built a good relationship with them, of course). Most likely, he will miss the children. And it would not hurt to get a divorce, too, in order to create another relationship. Therefore, very few people succeed in disappearing from the family without a trace.

Finally

If men often disappear from your life, then it is likely that the reason is in you. Maybe from the first minute you want to marry every next man, and are behaving too annoyingly? Or is your nature very hysterical and it would be worth working with yourself? There can be many reasons, each situation is individual.

Don't get attached to a man too quickly, let things take their course. Leave him the right to change his life whenever he wants. And do not forget to endow yourself with such a right. Stop thinking about whether you are the right fit for him and what he wants from you. Better check if it suits you (according to the one I already mentioned).

And most importantly - stop blaming yourself for everything! Self-esteem is like a 100 kg weight - it is easy to drop and difficult to lift. If he has not forgotten his ex - this does not mean that you are worse, just his heart is closed to others. If he doesn’t like something about you, it doesn’t mean that you are bad, you just don’t suit HIM. After all, if it is important for you that a man, for example, likes to travel and does not smoke, then smoking male couch potatoes are not at all bad, they just do not suit YOU. And there is no tragedy in this, because it is impossible to be good and suitable for everyone. Look for your man who will be delighted with your qualities.