What is the result of a relationship that began with deception. Are cheating allowed in a serious relationship?

Sometimes a woman, obeying her mother's advice, begins to be insured in matters of joint real estate.

Nice and profitable. Often a woman does this on the advice of her mother, they say, who knows how your relationship will turn out.

You feel like you're in the first place in a relationship. LIE and WRONG... Many people think that we are deceiving with the help of words, that if the husband is not explained and told, he will not understand. Maybe he will not understand, only intuitively he will feel that you are playing against him and not on his field, and that you are preparing departure paths in advance.

Why are we so anxious about percentages, about thousands and allow us not to be so anxious about our relationship? After all, by doing this, we are planting a time bomb called "Divorce". Don't start a relationship with such a lie. And it is better to consult with your husband, not your mother. Now your main advisor is your husband, any man appreciates such devotion.

You need to be very careful about the help of your parents. I repeat once again, it is no coincidence that everything material after the wedding passed to the husband, he owned it, he became the owner. The woman did not have any escape routes initially.

The next common lie in relationships is when a woman runs to work, disappears there from morning to evening, and tells the man about self-realization, about the fact that he will go crazy if he is a housewife. (This applies to those cases when the husband expresses dissatisfaction with your workload, offers to leave the job). The man seems to take your word for it, but does not believe in principle. But a woman runs to work in fear persecuted. Control everything and everything, do not lose sight of life, otherwise you will trust him, and he will leave, abandon, die, and where will I go? The woman keeps her way out, she doesn't trust the man. Childhood fear drives her. I know what I am writing about, so objections are not accepted. I will definitely write a separate article about this, so as not to miss subscribe to the newsletter.

A woman unable to start trusting her man will never open a door called "Femininity"... Never. Opening a little and a little doesn't count. It's like an egg, which is a little bit of an egg, but as a danger, it immediately turns into a sperm. Think for yourself. Is this possible? Why do we do this experiment in life?

Very often, deception begins where the woman starts saving her money. “Your” money is “ours,” and mine is mine. And my mother taught me that it is better to postpone them. May I ask a question? If you've ever done this, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THIS MAN?

Money is a very strong and powerful energy. Life and survival are directly related to money. “Money is life. No one can survive in our society without money. Money allows us to live. "Bert Hellinger. And the best test in a relationship is money. Do we hide, hide them, hide them.

A woman who saves money has a strong subconscious desire to protect herself, she does not trust her partner. Therefore, she puts it off, in case she is left alone, for her independent life. The only question is how soon it will happen.

A woman defending herself on all fronts will never open a door called FEMINITY. Femininity is defenseless (not to be confused with helplessness).

I can already hear the indignation of some women: - Lord, what else have you invented!

As one woman wrote in the comments: - "And support the man, and put him in the first place, but when will he live?" This is where our most difficult job is, not office work. Office work is the easiest thing a woman can do. We know how to plow, sow and extinguish huts, but it is incredibly difficult to be soft, defenseless, feminine.

Very often we are deceived, not knowing and not understanding the motives. For example, a man leaves for another city, to another country to work, his wife either follows him, or ...

But if you are not going to a man, if you have a bunch of reasons (the child does not want, I have a job, you cannot leave in any way, etc.), then this is also a deception. As a couple, you broke up. And if you did not follow him, then you "parted" long before his departure. Sometimes it's hard to admit it. But if a man and a woman do not live in the same apartment and do not sleep in the same bed for a month, two, three, then in fact they parted, even if they had not yet divorced.

Guest marriage is also a deception or self-deception. And the one who offers this kind of relationship is deceiving. He hasn't made his final choice yet.

The use of men. What could be worse? This is when a woman marries a man for the sake of some benefits, not always material, but in her heart she does not choose him. It will not work forever to endure a man for the sake of profit, once a woman, having got stronger and having received what she married for, will want to leave the relationship. It’s so easy and simple: - yesterday I needed you, but today I don’t. At the "exit", as a rule, a check for payment is waiting.

A man is such a deception, he just does not forgive and "hits" very painfully. How many stories today are about how men take children and leave women with nothing. These are stories about "used" men. A man will never just torment a woman and separate her from her children. Only his severe pain and resentment will make him do it. Men take revenge. This is how they work. I don’t presume to judge how good or bad it is.

At the end I will give examples of how I call "Harmless" deception. Why harmless, because it seems to us that by deceiving, we keep the relationship, save the nerves of the husband, etc.

It can be purchase prices, sometimes we underestimate them, sometimes we overestimate, depending on what we want to get.

Or at the beginning of a relationship we want to impress on a young man and pretend to be one that we are not. Don't be afraid to be yourself, don't be afraid to assert your principles and outline your boundaries. Don't forget your dignity. which has generated an incredible response on the web. So a sore question. For example, if you do not smoke or drink, you should not do this just in order not to seem like a notorious black sheep. Be yourself and don't mislead anyone.

Sometimes deception penetrates into intimate relationships, a woman can pretend pleasure, at a time when she does not receive it. Fortunately, today there is where to look and learn.

Perhaps I missed some more examples, if they exist, you will definitely see them in your relationship.

Dear women, we communicate in pairs not only at the level of words, more often we communicate at the level of the soul, and the soul always knows who is telling the truth and who is lying. Honesty, sincerity, trust and - this is the foundation without which any human relationship is impossible, and even more so in a couple.

Remember that you are an adult woman and do not be afraid to communicate, talk with your man, do not be afraid candor... You yourself chose this person. Be natural, open in your desires and states. Love is, first of all, an atmosphere of trust.

“If a man feels that a woman is always with him, he has tremendous strength; he can take on any business. As soon as he feels that the woman is not with him, his energy dries up. Now he has only dreams, but they are powerless - they no longer have energy, they cannot be realized. A man creates a dream. The woman gives impetus to the realization of dreams. " Osho.

If this article was helpful to you, please leave your comments below.

Tatiana Dzutseva

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It is not uncommon for a woman to hide something from her partner, lie, cheat, albeit in trifles. At first glance, it seems to be harmless. For example, conceal the real cost of a dress, boots, hairdressing, etc. More seriously, if you want to go somewhere, communicate with certain people, realize some of your interests, and your husband is against it. Here you already have to be more resourceful, and the circumstances are burdened by the fact that you have to prove something, make excuses if everything does not go as expected.

Many resort to reticence, deception (small or large) in order to simplify communication, maintain peace in relationships, and realize some of their needs. But the fact that deception helps is an illusion that eventually collapses harshly when the truth becomes known. And then you have to face the consequences.

What is hidden in a relationship behind the fact of deception?

Cheating is an indicator of a lack of intimacy, understanding, and trust in your couple's relationship.

"He will not understand me why I need this, it is useless to decide with him, he will reject me in my desire, because I better deceive, hide, hide."

Behind it all worth the fear. And when there is fear, then a person is so constructed that he is forced to defend himself. And in this case, we protect ourselves from the partner - the source of fear - by distance. We just move away from him, contact less, and do not approach much. And the relationship becomes more formal, superficial than deep.

Depth in a relationship is impossible without trust and openness.

Deceiving, you communicate with a person as if from a "false" part of yourself, from a certain created identity. And then, communicating from this position with your partner, especially if there is a lot of it, over time you cease to be interesting to him, because in the mask there is no authenticity, authenticity, respectively, the depth is unattainable. There is no pleasure from contact with a person, there is no unity that fills. The partner moves away, grows cold, intimacy disappears and the relationship begins to slowly collapse.

The person who cheats is forced to be constantly on the alert so that the deception is not revealed, especially if it is a serious deception. This creates tension. And in order to protect himself from the fact that the secret will become apparent, subconsciously chooses less contact with a partner.

Any relationship is possible when closeness is born between two people... And if you are in a relationship, then the intimacy between you was once born as a result of some kind of interaction. There would be no intimacy - there would be no relationship. This is the foundation on which everything rests. But when intimacy begins to decrease, distance appears - this is a signal that the relationship is at risk. And if intimacy, trust and understanding disappear completely, then the relationship ends. Of course, if there is not some benefit that you get, being in this relationship, even if it is not entirely comfortable there. But are you happy with this?

It is good if there is closeness, trust and understanding in other areas of your relationship, because it helps the relationship stick. But still, there is a risk zone that can subsequently develop if you do not pay attention to it!

Often, people resort to deception, to get some benefit or to fulfill some of your needs. And this is also a signal that something is wrong in the relationship, which prevents you from openly declaring your needs and realizing them.

Perhaps you are in the role of a daughter in a relationship, or you often fall into the position of a child when you need to ask, ask for time off, ask permission. The husband is perceived as a big, formidable parent who can punish, reject, if disobeyed. It's easier to hide something from him than to try to explain. But the main "puncture" happens in the fact that just the same, trying to explain or prove that we need it, comes from the role of a little girl who begins to take offense at prohibitions, to be capricious, or from the role of a rebellious teenager. And if the need is significant, then deception is like a way to realize it. This is how children and adolescents deceive their parents when they begin to overwhelm them.

The way out of here is strengthening your inner Adult. An adult cannot be prohibited from something. He can already make decisions and be responsible for his own choices. In addition, if you turn from your adult part to the adult part of your partner, you get a completely different dialogue. Adults communicate through negotiations, it is easier for them to find the necessary arguments to justify their choice and more readiness to understand each other's needs, to give opportunities for their implementation.

Well, maybe being honest and sincere is a challenge. A challenge in terms of going through fear, taking responsibility for your actions, roles in these relationships. It is a challenge to be an adult and to deal with issues, trying to come to a compromise, with the benefit of both parties. It will take courage and determination.

Hello, please help with advice.

We have been meeting a young man for almost 2 years now, we have a fairly trusting relationship, we are able to communicate normally, listen to each other's problems, experiences, and support in difficult situations. We love each other, our feelings are mutual, as it seemed to me until some time. For my part, I treat him very well, I love him and see our joint future, I was not comfortable there with anyone, I try to do everything in my power for him, help him at work, study, support him in difficult times , to advise something. He also says that he loves me, that everything is serious with us, he takes care of me, gives gifts when we are alone, we just have an idyll, but as soon as he is left alone, this is where it begins.

He is quite a handsome and prominent young man, in his 22s, has a good job, a car, all this was given to him by his parents and he never lacked attention from girls who are greedy for "thick wallets" and he himself understands this very well. Before we met him, his girls changed almost every day, none of them stayed for a long time, it even happened that he met several at the same time, and some of them did not even remember their names.

First 3 months our relationship was perfect, then everything started, I began to find out that he was deceiving me. He has a friend with whom they constantly walked, the friend is not very nice, his family is not entirely prosperous, and against his background, the friend constantly fails with the girls, which is why he is very angry. It was he who used to find girls with whom they subsequently met and walked. It turned out that this friend still continued to look for girls to meet, they brought some of them home to my boyfriend, drank there, had fun, and he told me that he had left the country with his parents. We had a showdown, in the end he promised me that this would never happen again and that he only needed me.

I can tell for a long time all the situations in which I faced lies and betrayal from a person whom I completely trusted and to whom I relate very sincerely. In short, I repeatedly found quite by accident his correspondence with other girls in social networks, on the phone, where he obviously flirted with them, made appointments, what they would do when they saw each other, gave them compliments and, with all this, said that he is free and he has no girlfriend.

There was a girl, his classmate, with whom I met them walking by the hand in the center of the city, then despite our quarrels, he still talked with her secretly for a very long time, met, walked, went to the cinema, walked home, I saw photos at mutual friends where they hug. Then she disappeared and I think that their communication ended only on her initiative.

Another time he went on a weekend to another city and there he met a girl, he really liked her, he told her that he was free and they regularly corresponded in social networks and by phone for a month, called up, almost admitted to love, dreamed of when their next meeting would take place. At that time, he stopped communicating with me, explaining to me at the same time that that girl is much better than me, that she is calm and does not arrange a showdown for him. As a result, they stopped communicating and now does not remember anything good about her. I forgave that too.

I also found many photos of other girls on his phone, both ordinary and fairly frank and unambiguous correspondence. With all this, when these girls asked how his relationship with me was, why we broke up, that he was now looking for a girlfriend, he told them that it was impossible to be with me, that I was crazy, sick, mad, and generally the mistake of his whole life.

Several times I found his profiles on dating sites, where he is looking for a girlfriend for one-time meetings, sex or long-term relationships. Each time he removed them himself in my presence, he swore that this would not happen again, but he registered in secret again.

When I found out all this every time, I was terribly offended, I cried, screamed, did not understand why the person was betraying me so. He behaves rather strangely during our quarrels, asks for forgiveness, promises that this will not happen again, that he only needs me and that he is just having fun or he is just silent and says that it is useless for me to explain something and that let me be think as I want to think, he does not want to prove anything to me and does not want to explain.

I can't make out anything for a long time, I understand that we have gone too far, that I myself must be guilty of something, maybe he lacks something from my side, that he is looking for it on the side. I scold myself every time that I forgive him everything, he gets away with everything, although he has offended me so many times, insulted me, grabbed me in a fit of anger. All my acquaintances and relatives vying with each other to me that it is time to stop forgiving everything and leave once and for all, that we have no future, if he loved me, he would not do that. Two opposites are fighting in me, one hopes for the best, that he will understand everything and sooner or later appreciate everything, the other says that by forgiving him I doom myself to a terrible future, that sooner or later he will still betray me the way he did it earlier.

He has a fairly wealthy, but not happy family. Parents are engaged in business, they just live as companions, dad has a family on the side and children, which only my young man knows about, because he himself communicated with them several times. Mom, it seems to me, knows everything, just pretends not to notice anything, because no one needs a divorce. I am afraid that seeing all this in my family and perceiving it as the norm, he will be exactly like his father.

Please help me, advise me what to do, what words to say to him so that he understands that my patience is already at the limit. Maybe there are already enough words of some meaningless showdown, what for 2g. the person has already shown himself and will not be different. Help with advice, I no longer know where to put myself, I am constantly on my nerves, I have lost a lot of weight, ruined my health, I am in constant stress from this whole situation, I’m tired of allowing myself to offend and forgiving everything. Is there any hope for the future or is it possible to turn over this page of life and move on.

Thank you very much in advance for your understanding and response.

Even a small but regular lie can eventually destroy any relationship, and even more so when it comes to the relationship between a man and a woman.

From time to time, almost every woman doubts her man, such is female psychology. But how to understand if these are empty experiences, or there are still reasons to worry? If you are looking for how to understand that a man is lying, then you should definitely pay attention to several important aspects. Having given them a little time, you will definitely be able to answer your question.

How to recognize cheating in a relationship?

Modern psychologists note several aspects, paying attention to which, you can easily recognize a lie or refute it. We will talk about them.

1 aspect. "Vanity movements"

If you are trying to understand that a man is lying, be sure to pay attention to the movements of his hands. Ask your partner if he is hiding something from you and watch.

A person who speaks the truth will answer calmly and confidently, and his hands will be in a calm position.

If a man is hiding something, he will probably constantly fiddle with his buttons, watch, wedding ring or other small details during the conversation. So a man who is deceiving tries to randomly select thoughts, trying not to betray his lies. Involuntary concentration on the hands and vain movements are the first bells that they are lying to you.

2 aspect. Lip biting

Hands are calm - it means that your man is either clean in front of you, or well prepared. So either calm down, or ... look for other signs of how to recognize a lie and understand that you are being lied to. Another proven method will help here. If a man bites his lip during a conversation, it may also indicate that he is not completely sincere with you. This fact is confirmed by psychologists, and if you are interested in how to understand that they are lying to you, you should definitely take note of it.

3 aspect. "Look to the side"

It's easy to remember what children look like reciting a poem at school. Their gaze always leaves somewhere to the side, because in this way they try to remember everything that they managed to learn.

Do you suspect that the man wrote a legend for you? As he speaks, observe how he speaks.

If your eyes jump from corner to corner or freeze on one object, you have reason to think about the honesty of his words.

Such signs of lies are simply impossible not to notice.

4 aspect. "The lie is obvious"

Many people blush instantly when they feel nervous. And if it is not always possible to understand why men lie, then it is quite easy to catch them on this basis. Telling a lie, a man immediately begins to worry that he will be "bored". The body, responding to the same promptly, increases blood flow, and the lie becomes obvious. So you should definitely pay attention to this aspect.

5th aspect. "Diction"

If you want to know how to recognize cheating, pay attention to your man's answers. If he answers not as usual, for example, draws out words, or, on the contrary, speaks too quickly, this may directly indicate deception. By speaking quickly, a man can simply try to get away from revealing conversation, and slow speech helps to come up with another legend on the go. So, by paying attention to the diction of your man, you can recognize lies in a relationship really quickly.

6 aspect. "Response rate"

There is a proven way to understand that a man is lying when talking. Demand immediate answers from him. You don't have to think too long to tell the truth, but a lie will take a minute or two. If there is still a lie in the relationship, you will notice it. A man will constantly draw out words, speak interjections and breathe heavily in an attempt to figure out and choose the answers that are most similar to the truth.

7 aspect. "Compliance with what was said before"

To recognize the lie, ask your man to repeat to you yesterday's reasons for the delay at work or the events of the night before last. If a man speaks the truth, then his answers will agree in everything. When a person cheats, information will constantly change, and it will be very easy to bring him to clean water.

Ask clarifying questions, but do not turn into a sleuth and do not dig too deep trying to get the true answer to the question of why your man is lying.

Moreover, if he is honest with you.

8 aspect. "Manipulation"

When a woman is looking for a way to recognize a deception, and a man begins to understand this, he can use the mass. Statements like: "Don't you believe me?", "How can I deceive you?" - this is just a way to induce a sense of guilt in a woman who, having discovered the signs of a lie, wants to know the truth. Yielding to such manipulations, you are unlikely to be able to find out the truth. If you notice manipulation in the form of such statements, accusations or even aggression, try to ignore them and insist on a frank but calm conversation.

Take note and take action!

By adopting these first signs of lying in a relationship, you can easily separate the lie from the truth, and understand whether your chosen one is sincere with you or not.

I believe that this is unacceptable, no matter how bitter the truth is, you need to tell your loved one absolutely everything. You should not have secrets from each other, honesty is the main rule on which the whole future life together is built.

This is especially true of love. If you suddenly stopped loving, or fell in love with another person, you do not need to invent anything, hide, and assume that then everything will be formed by itself - this will not happen. By doing this you will torment yourself and others. It seems to me better to immediately dot the i.

Yes, you can say that life is not that simple, and it is not divided into black and white. When making decisions on how to act in a given situation, everyone can be mistaken, to say not what they would like and not what is needed, but admit that they are wrong and correct it as soon as possible by telling the truth, without fear of a negative reaction, this is what should be priority in all.

Deceiving a loved one - I think the most terrible thing that can be done. But each person has their own opinion on this matter, I just want to say that it is really easy to deceive someone who trusts you, but to look him in the eyes after the lie is revealed is not easy. The choice is yours, make no mistake.

P.S. Today a new song is again in the topic of the post: Veronica Rae - And you lied to me.