How to deal with aggression in a child, what parents should do: psychologist's advice on correcting aggressive behavior. Aggressive child: what to do? Psychologist's advice

11.09.2019

In child psychology, aggression is a child's behavior that causes physical, psychological, or material harm to another person, object, or environment, even if the attempt to cause harm ends in failure.

The expression of aggression can occur in a variety of ways, including verbal abuse, damage to personal property, and physical contact. According to the findings, children with aggressive behavior tend to be irritable, impulsive and restless.

At the moment, there is no single answer about the causes of aggressiveness in children. Many psychologists believe that behavior is an inborn and instinctive problem. Others suggest that the loss of generally recognized values, the change in the principles of the traditional family, insufficient education of children and social distance lead to the expression of aggression in children, adolescents and adults. Aggression in children is correlated against the background of unemployment in the family, riots on the street, crime, and psychiatric disorders.

Forms and goals of aggression in children

At the moment, experts distinguish between different forms, goals and types of aggression. Behavior can take many forms:

Physical;

verbal;

Mental;

Emotional.

It can be provoked to achieve various goals:

Express anger or hostility;

To assert superiority;

To intimidate others;

To achieve the set goal;

Be the answer to fear;

Be a reaction to pain.

Modern psychologists distinguish 2 types of aggression in a child:

Impulsive - affective, committed in the stage of passion. Aggression is characterized by strong emotions, uncontrollable anger, hysterical state. This form of behavior is not planned, it arises and occurs in the heat of the moment.

Instrumental - predatory. Aggression is characterized by various manipulators that are aimed at achieving a more important goal. Instrumental aggression is often a planned action and exists as a means to an end. Causing inconvenience to another person, for example, breaking a toy, the child moves towards the goal - buying a new, more interesting toy for himself.

It has been observed that children with a lower level of development are more prone to unplanned, impulsive aggression. Children demonstrating predatory aggression are able to manage, plan and purposefully achieve the goal using aggression.

In psychology, there is a difference between the levels of aggression in boys and girls. Boys are almost always more aggressive than girls. Large children are more aggressive than small ones. Active and obsessive children are more aggressive than passive or very calm children.

In children of all age groups, aggressive behavior is a powerful way to convey their desires to others, as well as a technique to express their likes and dislikes.

Causes of aggression in children at different ages

Infant age. Babies are aggressive when they are very hungry, in an extremely uncomfortable position, when they are afraid, unwell or in pain. Parents may state that an infant's aggression can be judged by the volume and tone of voice. But this opinion is wrong. The crying of a baby is a defense, it is a way of communicating, conveying feelings and needs. It cannot be called a manifestation of aggression.

Toddler age. Crumbs from 2 to 4 years old show outbursts of aggression with tantrums, hurting their peers, adults, damaging toys and furniture. Most often, aggression at this age occurs in relation to adults, as a way to achieve a goal. Speech aggression allows you to increase the vocabulary of the child.

Preschool age. Children between the ages of 4 and 6 may show hostility towards their siblings and peers. Because of social interaction, imaginary and real grievances appear in children. They force the child to stand up for themselves and cause attacking anger - aggression.

Aggressiveness in a child and a predisposition to violence

If a preschooler behaves hostilely towards familiar children, adults and even animals, is often hypersensitive, easily offended, quickly becomes furious and cannot calm down for a long time, he may have a predisposition to violent behavior.

A preschooler has not yet learned to be responsible for behavior and, as a rule, blames others for their actions. Parents should pay serious attention and take measures to correct the situation.

Preschool children tend to have brief periods of aggressive behavior because they do not understand that they are hurting, tired or stressed. If the behavior continues for several weeks, parents should consult with their doctor and psychologist and eradicate the problem.

Factors that increase the risk of violent behavior

Parents and teachers should be extremely careful if:

The child has been the victim of physical and sexual abuse;

There was domestic violence;

If the child regularly sees violence on the TV screen, in the media, from neighbors living in the neighborhood;

If parents use drugs and alcohol;

If there is a firearm in the house;

If the family is low-income, is going through a stressful period, is on the verge of breaking up the marriage;

If the upbringing is carried out by a single mother, parents who have lost their jobs;

If there was a brain injury.

Parents can teach their child to be tolerant and manage their emotions. However, if the parents openly express their anger in front of the child, show rude assertiveness and irritability, the child will take an example from his parents and will not be responsible for his behavior. Responsible parenthood does not tolerate any form of violence and prevents it by any means possible.

Stimulants of aggression in a child

Psychologists say that when children lose dialogue with their peers, they feel tense, scared and isolated. This is the case when aggression towards peers, even strangers, can be inadvertently manifested. Parents should pay attention to the behavior of the child and stop any attempts of aggressive behavior in time. When children overcome feelings of isolation, they become friendly and non-aggressive.

Aggression can be a by-product of bad parenting. If the child does not receive the necessary attention from parents, teachers and peers, and is also subjected to violence, he becomes uncontrollable and aggressive. If parents ignore the behavior or unconsciously consider it normal, this can further stimulate aggression.

In many children, aggressive behavior is a symptom of the manic stage of bipolar disorder. It can be manifested by irritability that has developed against a background of depression.

Sometimes children are aggressive towards their peers out of fear or suspicion. This disorder occurs in the presence of schizophrenia, paranoia, or other psychotic conditions.

Aggression can also be a by-product of an inability to deal with emotions, especially frustration. The disorder occurs in autistic and mentally retarded children. If such children are disappointed in something, they cannot correct with emotions, effectively talk about the current situation, therefore, they show aggression.

Children with ADHD syndrome or other destructive disorders may also exhibit aggressive behavior against the background of misunderstanding and impulsivity, especially when social principles are violated.

Psychologists say that in order to eliminate aggressive behavior, it is necessary to determine the main cause and basic factors - stimulants of aggression.

Then teach parents effective ways to manage the behavior of the child, without the slightest hint of aggression or punishment. It is important to have positive contact with the child, encourage good behavior, and not focus only on the difficult moments of parenting.

In the family, special rules of behavior must be created and observed that are suitable for the age of the child, reasonable and meaningful to the close environment. Parents must learn to be logical in their behavior and decision making. Maintain the ability to control emotions in any, even the most unexpected situations.

Studies have shown that physical punishment does not solve, but exacerbates the problem of aggressive behavior. If parents use punishment in the family, children:

They do not know how to control their behavior;

They experience a feeling of fear and fear of disobeying their parents, but at the same time they are more often hooligans;

Have an increased risk of getting mental health disorders in adulthood;

They become predisposed to violence, bullying of their future spouse, their own children;

Lose the quality of relationships with parents.

Psychologists believe that a common problem for all parents is that children fight with sisters and brothers and show aggression towards unfamiliar children. In childhood, children often have disagreements and conflicts. Children have different needs, desires and ways of doing things - this property makes them unique.

Parents should teach their children to develop social and emotional behavior management skills. If a child loves wrestling and is very active, parents can offer him to do martial arts, judo, any kind of wrestling. Sports will teach the little fidget the right ways to fight, safe ways of self-defense.

At preschool age, children should be taught to find peaceful ways to prevent aggression. Help them express their emotions correctly, understand the basic needs of other people, understand and feel the situation and the environment present.

To understand the causes of aggressive behavior in a child, you first need to understand what aggression is. Psychologists say that aggression is not an attitude, not a motive, and not even an emotion. Aggression is not a healthy pattern of behavior that is laid down in early childhood. The reasons that provoke the development of an aggressive model of a child’s behavior have a very real basis, so it is extremely important not only to know about them, but also not to ignore the possible consequences.

We have selected the most common causes of aggression in children, according to experts:

Reason #1 - Rejection by parents

This reason is one of the basic ones, since according to statistics, most often aggressive behavior patterns appear in unwanted babies. If a child appeared with parents who were consciously or subconsciously not ready for this, he not only intuitively senses a catch, but also “reads” this information from intonation and gestures. Such a child tries to prove that he is good and has the right to exist. However, it does so, as a rule, rather aggressively.

Reason #2 - Hostility

It is very difficult for a child whose parents are hostile to him. Over time, this kid transfers the attitude of his parents to the world around him, which seems to him far from being friendly. If parents allow you to take out your negativity on a child or blame the kid for their own failures, the child not only loses self-confidence, he develops fears and phobias. Over time, the lack of a sense of security and stability leads to bursts of aggression that are directed at parents.

Reason #3 - Destruction of emotional bonds

If a child is forced to live with parents who treat each other with disrespect or hostility, his life turns into a nightmare. It is especially sad when a child is not just a witness to family quarrels, but also a participant in dramatic events.

As a result, the baby is either in constant tension, suffering from family disputes and an unstable situation in the house, or begins to harden in soul and become a subtle manipulator with a very aggressive behavior model.

Reason number 4 - Disrespect for the personality of the baby

Aggressive behavior can be caused by tactless and incorrect criticism, humiliating and offensive remarks, especially if they were made publicly. Disrespect for the personality of the baby, and even more so his humiliation, can cause serious complexes that destroy self-confidence.

Reason #5 - Over control

As a rule, excessive control over the behavior of the child is established by parents who are tough and domineering. However, in an effort to control every step, mom and dad should not forget that by doing so they suppress the personality and hinder the development of their child. In addition, overprotection causes not so much love as fear and a desire to run away. The end result of such a tough upbringing will be the aggressive behavior of the child, aimed at others (adults and children). A kind of veiled protest against the “oppression” of the individual, rejection of the situation of subordination, the existing state of affairs, the struggle against prohibitions. In an attempt to protect his Self, the child chooses an attack as a form of defense, even when he is not in danger.

Reason #6 - Too Much Attention

When a child is given a lot of attention in the family, he quickly gets used to it and becomes spoiled. Over time, the desire of parents to please the baby turns against them. If the next desire of such a child is not fulfilled, in response, the parents receive an outbreak of aggression in the form of a rolled up tantrum or “quiet” meanness.

Reason #7 - Lack of attention

Eternal employment of parents also generates aggressive behavior in babies. In this case, aggression is used as a way to attract parental attention, even in a negative form. The child feels lonely and defenseless, he is frightened by the indifference of his parents and, as a result, aggressive, inadequate actions.

Reason #8 - Feeling afraid

It should also be remembered that bursts of aggression can be caused by the baby's anxiety and are dictated by fear. Quite often, aggressive behavior is a child's cry for help, behind which there is a real tragedy and genuine grief. As a rule, a frightened person acts and thinks inappropriately to the situation. A frightened child also releases the situation out of control and ceases to understand who is his enemy and who is his friend.

Sergey Vasilenkov for the Women's magazine "Charm"

Child aggression is a common phenomenon. Sometimes parents do not know what caused her appearance. But you shouldn't be surprised. Most of the reasons why a child grows up aggressive can be found in society itself. Take only video games and television: all around violence, fights and robberies.

2. Parents, if they do not want their children to be fighters and bullies, must themselves control their own aggressive impulses.

3. In no case should you suppress the manifestation of aggression by a child, otherwise suppressed aggressive impulses can cause serious harm to his health. Teach him to express his hostile feelings in a socially acceptable way: in a word or in a drawing, in modeling or with toys, or in actions that are harmless to others, in sports. Translating a child's feelings from action into words will allow him to know that they can be said about them, and not necessarily immediately given to the eye. Also, the child will gradually master the language of his feelings and it will be easier for him to tell you that he is offended, upset, angry, etc., and not try to attract your attention with his terrible behavior.

4. If the child is naughty, angry, screaming, throws himself at you with his fists - hug him, press him to you. Gradually he will calm down, come to his senses. Over time, it will take less and less time for him to calm down. In addition, such hugs perform several important functions: for a child, this means that you are able to withstand his aggression, and, therefore, his aggression can be restrained and he will not destroy what he loves; the child gradually learns the restraining ability and can make it internal and thus control his aggression himself. Later, when he calms down, you can talk to him about his feelings. But in no case should you read moralizing in such a conversation, just

5. So that the child does not grow up aggressive, respect the personality in your child, consider his opinion, take his feelings seriously. Give the child enough freedom and independence for which the child will be responsible. At the same time, show him that if necessary, if he asks himself, you are ready to give advice or help. A child should have his own territory, his own side of life, the entrance to which adults are allowed only with his consent. Some parents believe that their children should not have any secrets from them is considered erroneous. It is unacceptable to rummage through his things, read letters, eavesdrop on telephone conversations, spy! If a child trusts you, sees you as an older friend and comrade, he will tell you about everything himself, ask for advice if he deems it necessary.

6. Show your child the ultimate ineffectiveness of aggressive behavior. Explain to him that even if at first he achieves benefits for himself, for example, takes away a toy he likes from another child, then later none of the children will want to play with him, and he will remain in splendid isolation. It is unlikely that such a prospect will seduce him. Tell us also about such negative consequences of aggressive behavior as the inevitability of punishment, the return of evil, etc.

7. It is necessary to provide the child with an opportunity to get emotional release in the game, sports, etc. You can get a special "angry pillow" to relieve stress. If the child feels irritated, he can beat this pillow.

8. Also, it is very important to clarify and set boundaries. Consistency is needed here: one and the same act of a child should not be evaluated differently depending on his mood. The system of restrictions and prohibitions must be clear and stable; the stability of the child's inner life depends on this.

9. For some important events in the life of a child, it is better to prepare in advance. If you have to make the first visit to a doctor, to a kindergarten, try to foresee all possible nuances, taking into account the capabilities and characteristics of the child.

Childish aggression can be fought, and besides, it can be completely prevented if you are attentive to the child, his feelings and desires. Psychologist Inga Voitko gave advice on how to do this effectively, let there be no problems in your family!

What is aggression?

Aggression is inherent in every person to one degree or another, as it is an instinctive form of behavior, the main purpose of which is self-defense and survival in the world. Aggression can manifest itself physically(hit) and verbally(violation of the rights of another person without physical interference) .

Aggressive behavior of children is a kind of signalsos , a cry for help, about attention to one's inner world, in which too many destructive emotions have accumulated, which the child cannot cope with on his own.

How does aggressive behavior manifest itself in preschool children?

Aggressive behavior of preschool children is always expressed in different ways. And this behavior can be divided into severalspecies :

1. External aggression - it is directed at the surrounding people, animals, toys. The child may scream, call names, threaten, tease others. He can also express his aggression with gestures - threaten with a fist or finger, grimace, mimic. In addition to verbal and gestural aggression, the child may also turn to physical aggression, i.e., he may bite, scratch, fight, pinch, or push.

2. Internal aggression - this aggression is directed at the child himself. He can bite his nails, beat his head against the wall, bite his lips, pull out his eyelashes or eyebrows.

Both the first and second types of aggression must be taken seriously. Try to understand why it appeared, and then correct aggressive behavior in children.

What does this child behavior mean and where does it come from?

How can you teach your child to express displeasure and anger safely for themselves and others?

Reasons for aggressive behavior:

Disease of the central nervous system

Feelings of fear, distrust of the world around, threatening the safety of the child;

The collision of the child with the non-fulfillment of his desires, prohibitions on the satisfaction of certain needs;

Defending your personality, territory, gaining independence and self-sufficiency.

Aggressive behavior in a child can be caused by various reasons, but they are all similar in that they cause a child to feel angry or uncomfortable. And the baby shows these emotions in the way he can. It's not easy for him to deal with them.

Streamline the system of requirements, keep track of your actions, showing personal(positive) example.

Maintain discipline, follow the established rules.

Let your child know that you love him for who he is.

Teach your child self-control by example.

Channel his energy into positivechannel : in sports, where a child can learn to control emotions, control their behavior(boxing, wushu, drawing, singing, swimming, running) .

When presenting your requirements to the child, consider his capabilities, and not your desires.

Ignore mild manifestations of aggressiveness, do not fix the attention of others on them.

Include the child in joint activities, emphasize his importance in the work being done.

Establish a strict ban on the manifestation of aggression in the case when aggression, not being a defensive reaction, serves as a kind of"entertainment" .

Teach your child to feel sorry for others. He must understand that his behavior causes grief, causes suffering to loved ones.

Never make a child forget that he is kind (sayhim : “Why are you doing this, because you are good, kind!” ).

If a child has a need to throw out aggressive emotions, he can be offered to sing his favorite song loudly, run a few circles near the house or around the garden, leave the ball against the wall, tear the paper.

If the prevention of aggressive behavior of children will be carried out constantly, then the aggression of the child may not be touched.

You need to monitor the content of films and cartoons that your child is watching.

Monitor your child's friends and their behavior. And also get acquainted with the games that children play.

Develop love and benevolent relationships with brothers and sisters.

And most importantly, love and understand your child.

Dear parents, I bring to your attention games that will help you relieve stress from your child.(lose with parents)

Games to reduce the aggressiveness of the child.

"Toy in the Fist" .

(The game helps to relieve tension and switches to positive emotions).

Ask the child to close their eyes. Give the child some beautiful toy, candy, in his hand. Now ask him to clench his fist very, very strongly and hold it for a while. After that, let the child open the handle and see a beautiful toy.

"Bag of Anger"

( "Bag of Anger" should be used every time the child is angry with someone)

Start at home"pouch of anger" so that the child can use it to express their aggressive emotions. To do this, take an ordinary balloon, but instead of inflating it, pour flour, sand, or some small grain into it.(about half a cup) . Then tie the ball well. Now introduce your child to a new toy. You can throw it, hit it against a wall or on a table.

"Tuh-tibi-doh"

(When a child is tense and angry with someone) .

You need to walk around the room and speak as angry as you canphrase : "Tuh-tibi-doh" .

Encourage the child to say this phrase as aggressively as possible, expressing all his anger and tension in it. You will see that the exercise has paid off when the child can no longer say this phrase with anger, so it will be funny to him.

"Hour"can" , "Hour of Silence"

(This game allows the child, as a reward for the exerted volitional efforts, to relieve the accumulated tension in the way he likes, and the adult - to control his behavior and sometimes receive such a desired when communicating with hyperactive children"hour of silence" ).

Agree with the child that when he is doing some important business (or you need to work quietly, then in your house there will be"hour of silence" . At this time, the child can read, draw, play, listen to the player or do something else very quietly. But then comes"hour is possible" when he is allowed to do whatever he wants. Promise not to rebuke the child if his behavior is not dangerous to health or to others.

Note. The described game hours can be alternated within one day, or can be postponed to another day. To keep the neighbors from going crazy"hours are possible" , it is better to organize it in the forest or in the country, where you will not feel guilty for disturbing other people.

To fight aggression you need:

Patience. This is the greatest virtue there can be.

Explanation. Tell your child what he can do.

promotion. If you praise your child for good behavior, it will awaken in him the desire to hear this praise again.

Our next meeting is coming to an end. I want it to be useful for you, to cause reflection, the desire to build relationships in your family in your own way.

Remember"golden" regulationseducation :

Learn to listen and hear your child.

Try to make sure that only you relieve his emotional stress.

Do not forbid children to express negative emotions.

Learn to accept and love him for who he is.

Young mothers, observing manifestations of aggression in their babies, often do not know how to react to it. In most cases, everything ends with a prolonged hysteria of the child after a “deserved” punishment. We have collected information that will help parents of children-fighters aged 3-5 to identify the causes of aggression and respond correctly to its manifestation in children.

Why children fight: causes of aggression in children 3-5 years old

It is generally accepted that aggressive behavior is a child's reaction to external stimuli. In most cases it is difficult to disagree with this. In those moments when the child is just learning to interact with the outside world and people, aggression serves as a certain defense mechanism. Therefore, its manifestations are natural, but should disappear within a short period of time. If attacks of uncontrollable rage become more frequent and last unreasonably long, then specialists diagnose a pathology in the social development of the child.

Causes of aggression in children 3-5 years old:

A kind of exploration of the world. It is with the help of blows or pushing of peers that the kid learns the reaction of parents, just adults who are nearby and the "test subjects" themselves to such behavior. It defines the boundaries of what is permitted and it is not worth calling these manifestations of aggression. Usually, the child himself does not change his mood during such experiments, that is, he remains calm.
The manifestation of aggression and anger. Often, aggression in a child appears if what is desired for a toddler is not achievable. Find out the need that has arisen in the child at the moment, and explain why it cannot be satisfied or, on the contrary, satisfy it, if possible. Offer a replacement, such an exchange can calm the child and show that his opinion is important to parents. Children easily agree to compromises offered by adults who are authoritative for them. Do not try to respond to the displayed aggressiveness with your own irritation, as this will develop into a clarification of "who is in charge", and the suppressed emotion will do the child a disservice in later life.
At the age of 3-5 years, expressing his opinion, the child is very egocentric. That is, he still cannot agree with his peers, but in general he needs clear guidance from his elders. The planning of the situation and the vision of the future have not been worked out, the line between fantasy and reality has been erased. A child, seeing on TV how an adult defends his territory, believes that he should do the same. Aggression in this case is just a peeped skill. Next, we will describe what methods of explanatory work will be effective in this case.
Misbehavior of parents and adults that are near the child. Inadequate behavior of parents in everyday life, in front of the baby, dislike expressed by parents too clearly, resentment arising through the fault of parents or circumstances, insults from elders or threats can negatively affect the child.

A small child fights: what should parents do?

To help a child overcome aggression, parents will have to learn to be patient and talk to their child correctly, listen to him to the end and use simple ways to distract attention. The practical advice below has been developed by professionals working with aggressive children. All of them have passed the test of time and are recognized as the most effective for solving such issues.

To prevent aggressive behavior in a child of 3-5 years old, experts advise:

Teach your child to express anger , choosing an acceptable form for this (we work with manifestations of aggression).
Show baby how recognize your own anger and control yourself.
in a playful way develop empathy and compassion for others.

These general recommendations are implemented in a variety of ways. Talking and playing, modeling similar situations using favorite toys or fairy tale characters, sports games and switching attention - each of these methods is effective in dealing with aggression in a baby.

Examples of effective methods to eliminate aggression in children:

When a child feels irritation, anger, resentment, invite him to draw or what he feels. But at the same time, be sure to ask to tell what he does and feels at the same time. Most likely, the story will be about the real causes of aggression in a child. Focus your baby's attention on feelings, so that later you can help him identify them and control them on his own. Distracting his attention, you will not let scandal and hysteria flare up.
Sew a pillow and announce that it is a "piss bag". Ask the baby to beat her as soon as he is annoyed, that is, put the bad in a bag. This will protect him from injury during a tantrum, will not allow him to beat and throw dishes or things.
Explain that in the long run, pugnacity is not beneficial to him personally. . If he beat a peer, then he will no longer play with him. If it hits adults, then they will not want to communicate with someone who hurts them. As a result, one will be much more boring than in the company. You can approach the child whom your baby offends, hug and kiss him. Thus, attention is not paid to the fighter, and he quickly realizes that he can be left alone.
Be sure to convey to the child the rules of behavior in the house and on the street. For example, “when we don’t fight, they don’t fight with us either”, “if we don’t offend, then they won’t offend us”, “toys can be taken when they are free”. Children strive for order and direction because it is difficult for them. So use persuasion with words and rules.
Praise your child if he listened to your instructions , but do not use the word "good" (according to the observations of psychologists, babies do not react to it). Focus on how much pleasure he gave you with his restraint.
Come up with joint fairy tales, where he is the main character . This will help to better understand the feelings, as when drawing and sculpting. Using effective methods, you will help your child understand how to behave and how to behave.
Participate in competitions more often and arrange sports games, physical fatigue leaves no room for mental irritation.
Leave paper or old newspapers in an accessible place for the child to tear. Explain in advance that in this way you will find out about his anger, and he will not break anything. Stomping your feet or strong breaths at the moment of an attack of aggression, as well as boxing with sofa cushions and rubber toy hammers, are considered to be similar in strength.
Recognition of anger can be taught with the help of posters or drawings that the baby will draw. Ask to depict different emotions and do not remove the drawing. Agree that the baby can show you on the poster what he feels. This will help prevent outbreaks of aggression.
The kid will learn to sympathize and empathize with the dramatizations that he will conduct with his parents. Any toys and objects will do, because the imagination of children is much more developed than that of adults. Ask him to invent and talk about fictional characters. Discuss with the children who is right and wrong in the situations they invented. During the game, information is perceived better than during a lecture about misbehavior.

Sometimes let your child make noise, run, jump and yell. It is better to let the baby throw out energy under your supervision than in a fight with other children.

It is necessary to show the child to a psychologist if fights, manifestations of aggression continue regularly for six months.

How to wean a child to fight: the opinions of psychologists

Anna Berdnikova, psychologist:

Before you react in any way to your child's aggressive behavior, listen to your feelings: what are you experiencing? This is important because by the feeling you experience, you will determine what is really happening and how to respond to what is happening.
During the next outbreak of aggressive behavior of the child, listen to your feelings. What do you feel? Bitterness and resentment? Or anger and desire to defeat this little villain, to show him who is in charge here? If the latter, then you have firmly fallen into the trap of a struggle for power.
What to do in this situation? The very first step is to try, as far as possible, to evade the struggle. Because by continuing to fight, you start the situation in a circle.
If you feel resentment, then you need to ask yourself: what made the child hurt you? What is his own pain? How did you offend or constantly offend him? Having understood the reason, it is necessary, of course, to try to eliminate it.

Child psychologist T. Malyutina:

If (a child) bites or hits you, an adult, stop it. Don't be patient! Show that you are hurt, shout, cry. And then explain. If a child of 2-3 years old hit a child in the sandbox, take his hand, apologize to the mother of the victim, take the child away. But do not forget to praise when the child plays calmly, shares toys. Show that feelings can be expressed in words. Until the baby himself has learned to explain what is happening to him, do it for him. “I don’t like that you beat me, it hurts me, but I understand that you are angry because I forbade you ...” When the child grows up, just ask: “You don’t need to beat me, better tell me what you don’t like?” Until the age of 4, until the child is aware of his feelings, speak for him, and then he himself will be able to express dissatisfaction with words, and not with his fists.

Psychologist Olga Tseitlin about fights between children in the same family:

Often parents protect one of the children, usually the weakest or youngest, and ask the children to do as he wants. In the elders, this causes resentment and a desire to take revenge on the younger. They can do it unnoticed by adults. If the parents protect the younger, he feels like a winner, and he continues to pester his brother or sister. Parents do not understand that by such actions they only fuel the rivalry between children. Parents often fail to notice the provocations of a "nice" child who provokes his sibling by kicking him under the table or whispering offensive words.

E. Komarovsky about the aggression of kids towards their parents:

Again, my attitude to how to correct such behavior does not correspond to what psychologists recommend. My opinion: if a child shows aggression towards adults, then this is the realization of certain instincts, but he also has another instinct: the child concedes if he sees that the one against whom he uses physical force is stronger. Therefore, whenever a child raises a hand (or foot) to his mother, one must allow oneself to respond with controlled aggression. Not a single aggressive physical action of a child in relation to adults should go unpunished. Adults have a huge number of ways to control the behavior of children, because the whole life of a child depends on an adult. It is you who give your daughter sweets and goodies, buy toys, perhaps turn on cartoons - and in all this you can limit the child if he does not behave the way you want. In any case, the topic raised is not pediatric, but definitely psychological. This I mean that everything you have now read is not the advice of a specialist, but the opinion of your doctor friend, who is not an expert in child psychology.