Hello everyone guys. For the first time I ask for help, because before such hopelessness did not reach, please help, I will be obliged. I take criticism well. In general, the situation is as follows:

I met a Russian girl abroad (I'm 18, she's 17), I immediately realized that I like her, I decided to develop with her. I am Moscow time, she is from St. Petersburg, but we both study in England, but also in different cities, the distance is large both in Russia and here. I immediately understood what I was getting into, long-distance relationships are tough and hard, but it was all worth it. Communicated all the time throughout the summer by phone, skype, etc. Everything was wonderful.

3 months passed, they quarreled a lot and fled, well, more on my initiative, because she was doing nonsense (I love, but not as much as before, I appreciate, but not like etc. ..). A month later, we contacted and understood (she understood this better than me, returning to her city to visual objects - memories of "where they were, what they drank", etc., and it became hard for her) that it was very difficult without each other, made up and decided to try everything else once. Everything was very good, even much better than before, but we only saw each other once or twice a month (3 days per visit), but it was for each of us as a task to survive this way for another year and then already live together. The girl is very cultured, well-mannered, not frivolous and with principles, the only thing is very proud. Very straight forward. Sex suited absolutely, but she did not elevate him to a high pedestal of importance, so the problem is not in him. I always went, she did not have the opportunity, but she, for her part, also did a lot of things.

Another 4 months passed, but they began to quarrel more, she very often apologized in the end, and I was often rude and sent a couple of times (I know, idiot), but she wrote that she couldn’t have a normal day without me, put up, everything seemed to be fine, but I began to notice that we began to get used to each other very much and the attitude changed a little, it became easier because of the confidence that no one would go anywhere. We agreed about the summer, everything was serious. There was a moment when I tried to convince her that she needed to talk to her parents so that they would allow her to go to me, which she did not like, because I got into relations with her relatives, although I know them well (but does not play a role). Recently they quarreled over nonsense, but I started to get out of the proud and was very rude and accused her, instead of apologizing, we had a fight and she said that she was tired and now she doesn’t want anything and wants to be alone, that she doesn’t know what happened to her, a la broke the line and that we need a break. From the series - "Everything is not the same." I made it clear to her that they say, as you wish, I tried to explain that it would not be better for anyone, but nothing came of it.

They were silent for a week, not a word from her, but I knew that she was monitoring me, I called her, said that I could not continue to live in peace in uncertainty, so I asked her to decide already and give me an answer. She said that it was probably better for us to leave, that she did not want to understand anything and decide. Well, I told her on emotions (not much). He was on good terms with her little sister, well, out of desperation, he wrote to her that "I am sure that she will grow up to be a good and beautiful girl, and that she should take care of her sisters and that we will probably never see each other again unfortunately" and immediately closed all bridges with his own and all those connected.

A few days passed, yesterday there was some moment of enlightenment, that it’s probably better to leave her alone for a while, wrote something like “life is such an amazing thing, maybe someday we will understand how we need each other, I wish you happiness". In the morning she replied "I'm not sure that she is strong enough to forgive everything and wished me the same" and I wanted to talk to her. For a long time he sought a conversation, as a result, he spoke calmly, to "how are you - nothing" to "what's new - nothing at all." She said that she did not want me to climb into her life, because she brought her sister to tears and turned her mother away from her (I don’t know how). I asked if she was bored, to which she said that she did not want to answer this question, but from what I heard, it was not so easy for her either. Then she said that she didn’t really want to talk to me, I said that I wanted to talk to her calmly in the evening and that we were no longer there, but I was just wondering how she was doing. In the evening she called for 5 minutes and said that she was in a hurry somewhere and then she wouldn’t be able to speak, I told her that “you’re right, it’s really better for us to be alone, I wish you to be happy and I hope that you will forgive me for everything you did.” Goodbye, everyone, period.

I know, I humiliated myself, gave the upper hand to my emotions, and so on. I'm ashamed myself. But this whole situation is somehow very suffocating, I think all the time, it’s already hard. Is a similar outcome possible as in our first quarrel? For myself - a hall, friends are all on the list, but her background still makes itself felt. Help with advice on what to do and how to return. For those who say forget it, live on, it's very hard to let go of her (from yourself) because I love +++ here a good girl is very, I repeat, very difficult to find, but I can't with non-Russian speakers. And I can’t do it alone either, that’s the kind of person I am. Here's something like this, without any special minor details. Thanks a lot to whoever took the time.