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Matchmaking in our time, what to say. Matchmaking customs from ancestors. Good dates for matchmaking

At all times, marriage was considered a sacred union of two young hearts. And if earlier the conclusion of marriage was a kind of necessity, now it is an exclusively voluntary and desirable business on each side.

Not a single wedding in Russia was complete without a number of traditions and customs. Currently, many of them have sunk into oblivion, but, for example, the matchmaking of the bride, takes place in the modern world. The Les Noces.ws portal will open the curtain on how the matchmaking rite takes place and tell you how to marry a bride these days.



The main rule of modern matchmaking is a predetermined and planned date.... It is unlikely that the bride's parents will be happy with unexpected guests.

The ancestors believed that the date of the matchmaking should be chosen especially carefully, because it will help the young in their future married life. So, for example, it was strictly forbidden to get married on the thirteenth, the best numbers for the ceremony were 3, 5, 7, 9. In turn, the ancestors advise choosing Tuesday or Thursday for matchmaking, as well as weekends.

During the ceremony, it is the groom who is in the spotlight. In order not to lose face, the future spouse should prepare in advance and find out how modern matchmaking is going. You can always check with the bride or the older generation about the peculiarities of traditions.


What is required of the groom:




Since ancient times, there has been a tradition such as dowry for the bride... Modern parents are also trying to prepare their daughter for a future married life, especially if the young will live in the house of the groom's parents or even separately.

Contemporary bride's dowry:

  • Appliances;
  • Bed dress;
  • Dishes;
  • Kitchenware;
  • Tablecloth and napkins;
  • Furniture.

The dowry depends solely on the financial capabilities of the parents, as well as on their desire to help the future family.

It is accepted that the dowry should be displayed for matchmakers and guests. So the side of the bride demonstrates that the daughter does not enter a new family empty-handed.



In addition to the dowry, the bride should take care of other points. For example, think carefully about the look and the festive menu.

Before getting married, not only the groom, but also the bride must prepare presents for the parents of the chosen one. In the old days, the mother-in-law was presented with a red scarf or shawl, and the father-in-law was given a piece of flax on a shirt. At present, such gifts may not come in handy, so it is worth knowing in advance about the tastes and interests of future relatives.

Moreover, on the day of matchmaking, the bride is not obliged to give gifts to the groom. On this day, all attention and sensitivity should be focused on the loved ones of the beloved.


The image of the bride during the matchmaking

Prepare a modest but beautiful outfit. Discard large and catchy jewelry, rich colors and provocative prints in clothes, bright makeup and manicure. Appearance is especially important if the bride and groom's parents meet for the first time. Remember, the first impression cannot be made twice.

Treats

Every mother-in-law wants her son to "fall into good hands." The bride should take an active part in the preparation of dishes for the festive table, thereby demonstrating her economy and homeliness.

Future fathers-in-law will definitely appreciate if their favorite dishes are on the table (find out about them in advance from the chosen one).


Behavior

The groom's parents will definitely pay attention to the bride's attitude to her parents and close relatives. Therefore, try to suppress your impulsiveness and be ready to show your extremely positive sides.


  1. Respectfully communicate not only with the groom's relatives, but also with their loved ones;
  2. Do not interrupt the older generation, especially when it comes to distributing responsibilities at a wedding. The opinion of the newlyweds will certainly be asked, but before that, the parents must find out some points among themselves;
  3. Save any expressions of affection, kisses, and pet names for later. Parents may simply be embarrassed by such behavior of future spouses;
  4. The girl should show maximum thrift: keep the appliances and dishes clean, clean dirty dishes in a timely manner and update the ending dishes;
  5. The bride should never be praising herself. There are relatives and friends for this.

You can conduct matchmaking in two ways: as a regular feast, or think over a script and organize a real show! It depends only on you how the match will go and with what impressions the relatives of the groom will leave your house! After all, with jokes and contests, a serious ceremony will be easy and positive!

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    The future newlywed informs her parents about the imminent visit of a potential husband. Usually the table is set with light snacks and simple salads, alcoholic drinks are purchased. The groom, for his part, should consider buying flowers and the upcoming conversation. It is recommended that you dress in full dress uniforms to create a positive impression.

    Highlights of the meeting

    All the nuances of the wedding are discussed at the table, but initially the man must officially ask the bride's hand from her father. Parents, in turn, must voice their decision regarding consent or denial of marriage between young people. When the groom comes to the bride's house alone, then his visit should not be delayed for a long time. Then, for example, the next day, the betrothed should come to meet his relatives.

    There are circumstances when the young are away from the family. Then it is worth sending photographs of the "second halves" by mail to their homeland and ask for official permission to seal their lives. Only then can you go and apply to the registry office.

    What issues are discussed at matchmaking

    An organized meeting of families is considered the best option. It can take place both in the house of one of the future newlyweds, and in neutral territory: in a cafe or in a small restaurant hall. With informal communication, it is worth discussing all the nuances of the upcoming celebration: the number of guests, the place for the banquet, the number of cars in the motorcade. It is necessary to agree on the distribution of money spent on video and photography, the toastmaster and the host of the dance program.

    The composition of the wedding menu should be calculated based on the financial capabilities of both parties, the number of guests, whether someone has special food preferences. Some at this meeting discuss housing issues - where the young family will live, what grand gifts parents can give to make it easier for them to live together.

    Many couples organize not only matchmaking, but also engagement. The party brings together not only relatives, but also friends of the young. The intention to marry is announced, invitations are handed out, where the date, time and place of the event are indicated. The groom presents the bride with a ring, which she must wear until the wedding. In addition, this decoration can be inherited by future generations. During the time remaining before the wedding, it is necessary to think over everything once again and weigh how much the young are ready to create a family, to live together, to have and raise children.

    Matchmaking traditions are ancient customs and practices followed to obtain permission from the bride's parents to marry. Today, matchmaking is rather a tribute and respect to the past, because the decision to hold a ceremony is made by young people regardless of the opinion of their parents. The article describes how the matchmaking should be carried out correctly by the groom, what to say to the matchmakers and what are the signs for the bridegrooms for matchmaking.

    The tradition of matchmaking

    Young people who have secured the consent of their chosen one to marriage, as a rule, relax. It is believed that all the frightening and exciting moments have been left behind. It is difficult to imagine a more exciting event than a marriage proposal. Doubts and fear of getting rejected will make even confident men get pretty nervous. But the real test awaits the groom a little later. As soon as a young man relaxes and calm down in anticipation of the fateful day, matchmaking suddenly appears on the horizon.

    Matchmaking was necessary in order to re-acquaint the parents and relatives of the bride and groom. In Russia, the word of the father of the family had great weight, and if he refused, the wedding could not take place at all. Therefore, the main thing for the groom's matchmakers was to make a favorable impression on the bride's father, and to present the "daring merchant" in a favorable light. The bride's side was supposed to provide a worthy welcome, thereby showing that they are not in poverty, and the reception of grooms for them is almost a daily routine.

    Now, when the decision on marriage is made by two independent adults, matchmaking is nothing more than a tribute to traditions and fun for the older generation. A young couple, as a rule, does not refuse relatives so little that it does not diminish the importance and experiences associated with arranging matchmaking.

    Why conduct matchmaking

    Before deciding on marriage, young people introduce their chosen ones to their parents in advance. Matchmaking is necessary for acquaintance of parents and relatives with each other, as well as for discussing the organization of wedding celebrations and solving the financial side of the matter. Modern realities are such that it is rare for young people to master the holiday on their own, when they can do it.

    The traditional part of matchmaking by the groom

    What to say to matchmakers - you need to know in advance. Vintage costumes are rather an entertaining part of the meeting, so that everyone is imbued with the spirit of the upcoming event. However, to omit this part would be a wrong decision, then everything would become too official, "without a soul" and not "in Russian".

    Who can be matchmakers from the groom's side

    Matchmakers from the groom's side do not have to be relatives. You can choose to play the honorable role of a close friend. The main requirement is a lively character, lack of excessive modesty and an excellent sense of humor, coupled with the ability to drink strong drinks. The words of the matchmakers on the part of the groom during the matchmaking may seem strange, outdated and even slightly provocative, it is important that the chosen person does not stumble or blush when making a speech.

    There are no age restrictions when choosing matchmakers. Young people, as a rule, are more "punchy" and persistent, take with "impudence" and courage. Older people may already know what to say to matchmakers for matchmaking and will quickly find a common language with the bride's parents.

    The father or godfather accompanied the groom to the matchmaking as moral support. It was not forbidden to choose a woman as a matchmaker, but the visit to the bride's house was supposed to look random, as if they were "passing by" - they decided to look in, and then such a "flower in the garden grew". Therefore, it is not accepted to come to a matchmaking in a large and noisy crowd.

    How to dress for matchmakers

    The clothes of the matchmakers in the past were neat and smart, but on the whole did not differ much from everyday ones. Men wore an embroidered shirt and the best boots, women did light makeup and instead of a headscarf they wore a kokoshnik. A distinctive feature of the matchmakers were embroidered towels tied over the shoulder. The bride and groom were supposed to dress smartly in everything new.

    Today, relatives and young people have to decide for themselves whether they will wear traditional costumes or not. If the matchmakers do not mind, then it is permissible if only they wear suits. In fact, it will be enough to tie the ribbon over your regular clothes.

    Duties of matchmakers on the part of the groom

    The task of matchmakers on the part of the groom is to conduct a conversation about the wedding smoothly and easily, but at the same time with hints and omissions. This tradition is associated with a possible refusal, which was a blow to the good name of the groom. When the request was expressed vaguely and vaguely, then the refusal had to sound in the same form, which was considered less offensive.

    Matchmakers had to be quick-witted and understand hints and unspoken phrases. There is a whole list of phrases and sayings that must be said during matchmaking to the groom's matchmakers. The clues vary slightly depending on the region of the country.

    The image above shows examples of what to say in matchmaking to the matchmakers of the bride and groom. The list contains forms for consent and polite refusal. The phrase: "Thank you for the love, matchmaker; but now we don't want to give the girls" - meant that the parents doubted and asked for time to think, but did not completely refuse and would accept the matchmakers another time.

    Why is a parental blessing needed?

    In Russia, the decisive word in the wedding permit was for the father of the family. Very often the basis for consent was the groom and the bride's family. Often the bride was against her father's decision, but she had no right to object or challenge it. This state of affairs was typical not only for peasant and merchant families, but also among the nobility.

    In Russian painting, a large number of works are dedicated to unfortunate brides. But such cases were not common practice. Parents loved their children and in most cases asked for their opinion before agreeing to marriage, although they tried to influence their children. "It is not the property where you go, but what you will make yourself" - one of the possible phrases of the answer of the groom's matchmakers, if the material condition was a sensitive topic.

    Even now, the opinion of parents is of great importance, therefore, the approval of the closest and dearest people in the life of the bride and groom plays an important role. This is another reason to arrange matchmaking. Even if not the warmest relations have been established between the groom and the bride's parents, matchmaking is a great reason to try to change the already established opinion.

    What should matchmakers do with a loaf

    It is not customary in the Russian tradition to visit empty-handed. An excellent treat on the bride's table from the groom's matchmakers will always play a huge role in the culture of the Slavs. "Bread is the head of everything" - said the farmers, millers and bakers.

    It is very important to learn the phrases of what to say to the groom's matchmakers at the matchmaking, but it will not be superfluous to cook a loaf. By presenting skillfully made bread, the groom will show respect to the bride's parents. Also, a young man can take a bouquet of flowers for a future mother-in-law.

    What are the matchmakers treated to?

    It was a matter of honor for any family to receive richly matchmakers. People used to say "A thin groom will show an excellent road", so they greeted the guests with all the cordiality and hospitality. The dish on the table depended on the season. They always tried to cook meat of domestic animals or poultry, if the family was rich, a lot of pickles, mushrooms, vegetables, prepared various holiday pies, pies and jams. Many matchmaking sayings are related to food, examples are shown in the image below.

    The hostesses tried to serve their own "specialty" dishes, on the table there must have been dishes prepared by the bride. The matchmakers were surely told about this, they were offered to taste and evaluate the skills of the future wife. During matchmaking on the part of the groom, it was impossible to tell the matchmakers that the bride or hostess was inept and did not cook well, even if it was true. The bride's parents could reasonably be offended and refuse the matchmakers.

    Can matchmakers drink alcoholic beverages?

    It is not only possible for matchmakers to drink strong drinks from the groom's side, but it should be. To refuse an offering to the owners means to express distrust and disrespect to the host. Therefore, when choosing matchmakers, the groom should take into account an important point. The main thing in this business is without fanaticism, everything should be in moderation. It may be worthwhile to negotiate with the bride's parents in advance the drinks that should be on the table. Many people prefer low alcohol drinks to strong ones. A variant of a flashy "glass", drunk for show, is possible, because it is better to discuss the organization of a wedding celebration soberly, after all, the purpose of the event is not a celebration.

    Sayings and traditional sayings of matchmakers from the groom

    The main task for matchmakers when preparing for matchmaking on the side of the groom is what to say to the bride's matchmakers. There are no ready-made texts, as such, for memorization. There is a set of standard phrases and sayings that have survived from the past. Matchmakers should have considerable eloquence and be able to smoothly and smoothly combine outdated turns of phrase and modern jokes in their speech. The use of many surviving expressions is not always appropriate, because the meaning of some words and combinations eludes modern man.

    The list contains not only phrases that the groom's matchmakers say in matchmaking, but also possible answers from the bride's parents. The host should also prepare well for the visit and learn a lot of catchy words. In order not to lose face, you need to familiarize yourself with the approximate answers and be ready to answer correctly. Immediately after meeting the owners of the house, the groom's matchmakers had to elaborately outline the purpose of their visit. Sample wording can be found in the list in the image above. More modern formulations are also possible, for example "You have a product, we have a merchant"... An explanation of the purpose of the visit is acceptable in a joking manner: "You have a lump of dough and we have a lump of dough, can't we put them in one place?".

    Also very colorful phrases praising the groom, as well as the requirement to present the bride for "evaluation" to matchmakers, for example, "We do not need rye or wheat, but a red maiden"... After introducing the matchmakers to each other and parents, mutual assurances of the "quality of the goods" and "the merchant's solvency", guests and hosts, under typical phrases, should go to the table with treats, and discuss the details of the wedding without hints and inaccuracies.

    How to determine that the matchmaking has taken place?

    Initially, one visit to the bride's parents might not have been enough. Either the words of the matchmakers on the part of the groom during the matchmaking were not very convincing, or the bride doubted the correctness of the choice, and the father indulged her, but the groom could ask permission for the wedding for a long time and repeatedly. Doubts did not arise only in the case of sincere feelings of the young, decent age of the bride or her lack of a dowry.

    Young couples can breathe a sigh of relief, if the relatives did not quarrel at matchmaking and were able to reach certain agreements, then the event definitely succeeded. Even if they could not make specific decisions about the date, venue and financial issue of the wedding, this is just an excuse to meet in a quiet and cozy atmosphere for a more serious conversation.

    Matchmakers, on the other hand, should rate their work by the amount of laughter and fun at the meeting. The more the young people and their parents smile, the more confident it can be said that the groom's matchmakers have coped with their duties.

    Today, few people observe wedding ceremonies, and it is completely in vain. The folk rite of matchmaking is very colorful and filled with fun, so it can become the highlight of a wedding. The matchmaking scenario can be completely different, it all depends on your desires and preferences.

    Modern and simplified matchmaking scenario

    Today matchmaking has changed and simplified, it has become more modern. Two options for the matchmaking of the groom for the bride have survived:

    • The first option is when the groom sends matchmakers (parents, relatives, godparents) to the bride's house.
    • The second option is when the groom goes to the bride's parents himself and asks them for her hand. According to the old tradition, he must ask them for blessings, and the parents, taking the icon in their hands, bless them.

    A young man comes to the bride with two bouquets of flowers: one for the bride and the other for her mother. He must be beautifully and elegantly dressed, and show his best side and prove to everyone that he is a worthy bride and will be a wonderful husband to her. The girl cannot be present during the matchmaking, as her parents can ask various delicate questions about his financial situation, living conditions, his worldview, attitude towards marriage, family, children and much more.

    What the groom should do during matchmaking

    A young man can also inquire about the dowry of his chosen one from his parents. He briefly talks about his intentions and feelings for his chosen one. Tells about how he will take care of her and protect her, how he will not give anyone offense. He talks about being a good husband and father. In general, he must say everything that all parents want to hear in order to be calm about the fate of their daughter. Then the father and mother give their consent to their marriage and invite the groom's parents to their place to set the wedding day and discuss all organizational issues.

    The groom and the bride go to the groom's house

    It also happens that the young go to the groom's house, and he introduces them to his chosen one, and the bride gives flowers to his mother. Then they ask the bride about her and her family, and then give them their blessing. Matchmaking by the groom can also take place like this: the groom sends matchmakers to his future wife. Parents can be the matchmakers; he can come on the second day to receive the blessing.

    To date, the matchmaking scenario of the bride and groom is basically one that makes it possible to discuss all the wedding issues. It includes counting the number of guests, then determining where the wedding will be celebrated, which menu to order, how to decorate the banquet hall, and so on.

    Matchmakers from the groom came to the bride's house

    Both the old and the modern scenario of the bride's matchmaking is as follows: the headman from the groom comes to the bride's parents' house. It should be a respectable adult man: father, brother, grandfather, uncle or closest relative. The groom is silent and only answers the questions of the bride's parents. Matchmaking usually begins with the words: “You have a product, we have a merchant,” they must tell their parents from the start what they came for and for what purpose.

    The groom's matchmakers usually praise him, telling how good and skillful he is. They talk about his occupation, education, lifestyle, wealth, and what a wonderful husband he will be for their daughter. If the matchmaker or matchmaker is without complexes, then they can conduct matchmaking in a playful and playful manner, having previously taken a funny script for the bride's parents. Variants of the script can be thought up independently or taken from the Internet, magazines. You can play the scene in the form of a comedy with various contests and jokes, so all questions and formalities can be clarified in a playful way.

    No matter what the scenario, the groom should take care of the symbolic gifts for the bride's parents. Usually they give flowers or some souvenirs to commemorate the matchmaking. Nice little things can always smooth out and beautify an acquaintance, as well as improve communication between people. Try to diversify the matchmaking scenario to make it fun and interesting, and most importantly, will be remembered by both the groom and the bride's parents for life.

    What to give the bride's parents during the matchmaking

    Once upon a time, gifts were not given during this ceremony, but today it is very important. If the groom does not strictly observe the matchmaking rite, then he may well (like everyone else give) give a small gift. For example, the bride's father is given good alcohol, books, a gift pen. If he is an avid fisherman, then you can give him a fishing rod, it all depends on his type of activity. The mother of the bride is given sweets, jewelry, a painting, figurines, and household items. It all also depends on her preferences and hobbies. The main goal of the groom is to please the bride's parents, so he should do his best.

    What should be on the table during matchmaking

    Particular attention should be paid to snacks and dishes that are on the table. Of course, it is not at all necessary to set the table, but it will be ugly and inhospitable not to invite guests to the table, especially if they have come from a long journey and want to rest and eat. The presence of alcohol on the table is also not necessary, but, as a rule, alcohol relaxes and brings together.

    Matchmaking traditions

    The matchmaking of the groom, in which he visits the house of his beloved, has come from us since ancient times. Previously, special attention was paid to traditions, but today whoever wants to, he observes. But many people are superstitious and follow the custom of their ancestors. The most favorable day for matchmaking is October 14 (the feast of the Intercession of the Holy Mother of God), 3.5,7,9 were still considered favorable dates, and the days of the week: Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Going to the girl to get married, the elders or the groom were silent all the way, and left the house when the sun went down, so as not to be jinxed. When the matchmaker was going to go to the bride, they threw bast shoes in his back, and the process of matchmaking was conducted while standing, so that marriage would come quickly.

    The headman begins the conversation with a story about who they are and where they came from, what obstacles they overcame on the way and why they came. You can tell something in the form of a fairy tale, they say, a hero has been growing in our family for twenty years, handsome, brave, courageous, hard-working. And then one day he dreamed of a red girl of incredible beauty. And he sees in a dream that she lives here, so show your red maiden. You can also say that life is not sweet to him without her, since then he has not slept, has not eaten, and everything is dreaming of her. The scenario can be different, there are a huge number of options.

    And the matchmaker from the side of the bride answers: we have a girl - red and not one, but several and one more beautiful than the other. And they take out one girl (a man in disguise), and then another, a third, and the groom and his matchmakers keep repeating: not that one, not that one. And then the real bride is taken out, the matchmakers begin to check her. To do this, they have a scenario according to which they begin to ask different questions and check what kind of mistress she is, whether she is kind, sincere, honest, economic and much more. The girl will pass an easy test and they will begin to praise her, then she will be presented with poems and songs.

    And then everyone goes to the table to get to know each other better and discuss all the issues of the wedding. Then the matchmakers begin to check the groom from the bride's side: whether he is suitable for her husband. They ask you to hammer in a nail, bring water and much more. There is a different scenario for each matchmaking, which includes: poems, songs, stories, jokes and more.

    Matchmaking is an old Russian wedding ceremony performed with the aim of reaching an agreement between families about marriage and receiving parental blessings. Currently, many traditions of this rite are forgotten, but in general terms it retains its content.

    In old times the groom's family sent matchmakers to the bride's house.

    Matchmakers could be specially invited persons or relatives (brothers, uncles, godfather) of the groom. The matchmakers came after sunset, obviously, they were afraid of the evil eye. Entering the bride's house, first they talked about abstract topics, then about whether the bride's family would agree to marry the girl off. The symbolism of the ceremony has been lost: if the girl agreed, she would take a broom and chalk in the direction of the stove, symbolically expressing her location and, as it were, inviting matchmakers into the house. If the girl was against it, she swept towards the door, expelling the matchmakers from the room.

    Currently matchmaking is more practical than ritualistic. The groom more often, having previously received the consent of the girl, comes to her family himself. The girl appoints the time of his arrival and mentally prepares the parents. The groom should buy two bouquets of flowers (one for the mother of the bride, the other for the bride herself), gifts for the bride's parents. The groom should look his best, after all, for the first time in the house, and it is better if the parents have a positive impression of him. The bride must introduce her chosen one to the parents and parents to the groom, starting with the father. The groom, addressing the bride's parents, asks them for the girl's hand, while talking about his feelings and intentions.

    If the groom comes to the girl's house alone, his visit should not be long. The bride, in case of the consent of her parents, must also visit the groom's parents. At the same time, she buys a bouquet for the boyfriend's mother.

    If young people do not have the opportunity to visit their parents who live far away, they should send photographs of their “soulmates” and ask for permission to marry.

    Having discussed all the subtleties of upcoming events with their parents and having received their consent, young people can apply to the registry office.

    After that, the young organize family meeting, which can take place both in the bride's house and in the groom's house. Young people introduce their relatives (each introduces their own, starting with their parents) and prepare a feast. During the meeting, the families are faced with the task of discussing the conditions of the wedding and solving organizational issues: the question of where the wedding will take place, who organizes the feast, the wedding procession, video filming, what is the composition of the wedding menu, where the young people will live, who pays for what. It is believed that all the hassle of organizing wedding events should be taken over by the groom's family. But at the present time, responsibilities between families can be distributed in any way.

    Young people can also arrange an engagement. This is an evening for which relatives, friends of the young gather. The bride and groom announce their desire to be married. The groom presents the bride with a ring, which the bride wears before the wedding. An engagement ring can be passed down from generation to generation (not to be confused with an engagement ring!).

    The time from engagement to wedding is a period during which you should think carefully about everything: it may happen that you are not yet ready to lose your freedom and are not ready to take responsibility for starting a family.