If a man does not respond to messages. The man does not respond to SMS: further behavior

07.09.2019

There comes a point in a relationship when uncertainty and uncertainty can be the cause of a relationship breakdown. You are trying to get through to your loved one, you want to talk to him, but he does not answer calls. You write him another SMS message, but in response, silence. How to deal with such behavior? What prompted the man to do this?

If a man does not respond to your messages, then do not immediately panic. It is too early to draw rash conclusions. Maybe your SMS, somehow did not reach the addressee or reached, but was not read.

And your man is so busy that he could not read it, and if he did read it, he did not have time to answer due to being busy. For a while you have to keep cool, wait a bit, and if he still didn’t call and write, then don’t blame yourself for the fact that he stopped loving you and doesn’t want to communicate. There can be many reasons for his silence: sleeping, tired, sick, forgotten.

What to do if your friend does not reply to messages

Only the man himself can better clarify the situation. Give him a call and talk to him. Never be afraid to take the first step. If this is a beloved man, then you should not scatter feelings. Sometimes you need to step over pride and take action to save a relationship. Some young men do not respond to messages, thus testing the woman's feelings. Especially if the representative of the stronger sex used to be the initiator of phone calls, and the woman did not show much initiative.

Of course, a call can clarify the situation in a relationship. Talking to your loved one can relieve tension and solve problems. But, what if the man does not answer calls?

But the reason for this behavior can be an insult to you, he can be offended, infringed. Remember, perhaps the day before you offended him with something. From your acquaintances or friends, your chosen one could learn about some kind of lie on your part and decided not to call you. If this is the case, then sincerely write to him that you are sorry about this and ask for forgiveness. And then the decision is up to the man.

Perhaps your relationship has come to a standstill and the man decided to take a short break to sort himself out. Give him this opportunity and after a while he, having thought over everything and made a decision, will call you himself when he realizes that he needs you.

What to do if a man does not respond to messages? Let's take as a condition of the problem that you do not send him an SMS in the style of “Music! The goose is ready!” during working hours, do not write to him 10 times a day and do not spam him with kittens and hearts. But you are in love and still want to receive periodic confirmation that the object of love is also interested in you. What could be the reason for his silence?

Are you kidding? Are you not schoolchildren? Even if we assume that the money really ran out, then when he sees an SMS from his beloved woman, he can, for example:

top up your account via Internet banking or go to the nearest terminal;
order services on credit from a mobile operator;
use the phone of a friend or colleague;
call a landline phone;
send the so-called "homeless" (then they would laugh together).

If a man is not currently on a desert island, has not gone hiking high in the mountains, has not gone on a polar expedition, then he CAN call you back or send a short message. And the only explanation for his silence is that he doesn't want to.

Banal employment can be the reason that a man does not respond to SMS. How to behave in this case depends on how long he does not call or write to you. You are lucky if your boyfriend is passionate about his work. Believe me, he really has no time to exchange emoticons with you. He may be at an important meeting or meeting. Maybe he's driving. Or the office is noisy and he just didn't hear the beep. For men, romantic relationships do not come first in life priorities. Maybe you should learn from them?

Another thing is if your chosen one has been silent for a couple of days. Then do not build illusions - employment has nothing to do with it. No matter how important the project is, there is always a minute for a smoke break, at lunch or before bedtime to write a few words: “Hello! I remember you…” If your place in his heart is somewhere between Counter-Strike and Friday beer, then don’t waste your precious time on him – he just doesn’t like you.

If I really like you, I will never forget about you.
Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo "He Just Doesn't Like You: The Truth About Men"

Sometimes, in the event of some cooling, it makes sense to think about whether you went too far. Remember if you fantasized about the future? About a house, kids, or even just a vacation together next summer? There are men who are very, well, very afraid of a serious relationship. There are some of the most striking types:

Indecisive. He often has a domineering mother. He himself is unable to make a choice. He cannot decide to change jobs or apartments. He is afraid of any news, even good, does not like surprises. Such a man is not able to fight back a boor. With such a man next to you, you will always be forced to make strategic decisions that are important for your family. It is you who will plan romantic trips. You will advise, guide and support so that your loved one makes a good career. If such a family model is close to you, then a timid, indecisive man is what you need. Therefore, take the initiative in your own hands right now, do not wait for a response to a message, but simply call and make an appointment.

He is in love and this feeling is new to him. This is the most "favorite" reason for a guy's silence for romantic young ladies. Rarely, but it does happen. He feels that he ceases to be the master of his thoughts and feelings, no longer manages his time on his own. This scares him a little, since his life before meeting you was simple, predictable and pleasant. In this case, just wait. Do not insist on frequent meetings, do not stay overnight, do not leave any items in his apartment. He will calm down, get used to it, and then - hook it up.

He is influenced from outside. Often their friends have a huge influence on our men. Which is much worse - mom. It's not curable. All you can do is just genuinely try to please. If his company accepts you, and your mother becomes your accomplice in a good way, that's it, he's in our pocket.

Although the most common reason for not calling or responding to a message is unfortunately still the same - he just doesn't like you.

Waiting for a call

Yesterday I spent the night with a guy, today he does not call me. Option one: he died. Option two: he did not like me in bed. It would be better if he, the bastard, died.

It would seem that the date went well, but for some reason after it the guy disappeared from the horizon, does not call, and does not answer your SMS. There may be many reasons for this.

You seemed too complicated, "stuffy" to him. He probably just wanted to eat a good steak in good company, and you started a song about marriage, children, responsibility, a scoundrel ex-husband, or an apartment with a mortgage.

He doesn't remember who you are. You will laugh, but this often happens. Have you ever met in nightclubs? Do you often go there not “in the hop”? So he forgot what your name is and under what circumstances he got a new contact on the phone.

He just doesn't know yet when he'll have time to see you again. A rare man likes to call or write just like that. They call to exchange information, to set up a meeting for a specific time. In the meantime, he has nothing to say on the merits, he does not call.

And, whatever one may say, it all comes down to the fact that he doesn’t really like you. You deserve to be looked after, to be sought, to sincerely want to call you theirs. Stop hypnotizing your phone and go to a new meeting!

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would be able to get any man and have an ideal relationship and would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a PhD in Psychology, and her methodology has helped many girls to have perfect relationships and feel loved.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Many girls fall into despair when the beloved guy does not pick up the phone and does not answer SMS. At such moments, various thoughts and suspicions regarding the fidelity of the chosen one flicker in the head of a young woman. In the first minutes of silence, she thinks that he is busy. Then there is doubt about his feelings and there is a suspicion that the man has another woman. In fact, there can be many reasons for the silence of a young person.

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Why is my lover not answering?

After sending a message, the girls are waiting for an instant response from their lover. If expectations are not justified, then they begin to worry a lot and come up with various reasons for his silence. Don't worry about this. The reason why the young person does not respond immediately may be due to the following:

Possible reasons	Oexplaining a man's behavior
Phone problems	The battery of the telephone is dead, and the man does not know that a message has been sent to him
Lack of time	The man is at work and busy with an important assignment. He is so deeply immersed in the work process that he does not even have a free minute for lunch. He has no time to read and write response messages. You need to understand and respect the professional activities of your chosen one
Lack of interest	It often happens that after meeting and exchanging numbers with a woman, a guy realizes that he does not want to develop a relationship with her. This is the reason why a man behaves in this way. He does not want to answer texts and calls
Misunderstanding	The psychology of some men is such that they do not see the need to respond to messages immediately. Many read the text and put away the phone, they do not understand the reasons for the woman's panic. It’s quite difficult to tear a guy away from work, so he prefers to finish the job, and then answer SMS or call back his beloved. But there are also young people who understand the reasons for the anxiety of the chosen one and try to listen to her requests.
Resentment	If the husband does not answer calls after a quarrel, this indicates that he was very offended. There is a chance that he will ignore attempts to contact him until he moves away from the conflict.
incomprehensible sms	There are women who write such messages to which it is difficult to find an answer. Therefore, the man prefers not to respond to them and not waste time inventing a meaningless text.

How to behave when a man is silent

You should not throw tantrums and scandals if a man does not answer a call or SMS for a long time. First you need to find out the reason and try not to harm the relationship with your loved one.

You need to become inaccessible and elusive. This is the only way to get a man's attention.

It is best to forget about its existence for a while and take care of yourself. You can immerse yourself in work, go to a meeting with friends, take a walk in the park or sit in a cozy cafe. Psychologists advise to behave as follows:

1. Parse the text of the sent message. If a man feels that a woman has become dependent on him, then this can scare and repel him. By nature, guys are hunters and do not like it when women try to switch roles with them. It is more interesting for them to achieve the location of the young lady they like, and not to avoid meetings with the annoying girl.
2. Think carefully about the text of the SMS. Sometimes it is necessary to ask a question to a man so that he has to write an answer. If the girl is not embarrassed, she is free to call the guy. In this case, you need to be prepared for the fact that he will not pick up the phone.
3. Find out the reason and do not blame the man without reason. Before attacking a loved one with claims, you should try to find out the reason why he did not answer calls or messages. If after the conversation the woman has no doubts and questions, then the conflict can be considered settled.
4. Write an apology message if a loved one is offended. We'll have to apologize and do everything possible so that he changes his anger into mercy. When the man calms down, he will call or write an SMS.

You can not be overly persistent and impose your communication on the guy. A woman who tries to control every movement of her lover gets bored very quickly. If the passion for a man has become something like a mania, you need to contact a specialist who will tell you how to get out of this state.

If a man stops responding to SMS, a variety of thoughts come into his head: from a banal meeting and high workload at work to stealing a phone and “oh no, he is now with another!”. In fact, there can be a great many reasons. For starters, you need to calm down. If nothing foreshadowed trouble, perhaps it is so.

Put yourself in his place

If you have been dating for a long time, and a man suddenly starts to ignore your messages and there is still no call from him, you should not panic and wind up bad thoughts. It's only been a few hours. He can be busy with work, solving important issues, and so on. Agree, sometimes men are difficult to understand (probably they think the same about women). Or he just has nothing to answer you. This also happens.

By the way, sometimes, ignoring, young people want to test the feelings of their chosen one in this way and deliberately wait for decisive action on her part.

Or maybe, who knows, he wants to be alone, put his thoughts in order, and here you are with your problems: “Kitten, which dress suits me more - blue or green?” What a revaluation of values here. In any case, you should not be offended. He will call you when he is ready. Gather together all your worldly wisdom and be patient. For many men, the phone is just a means of communication. They don't have time for all these "musi-pusi".

Why doesn't he text you?

Worst case scenario

Of course, maybe it really is about an accident or theft of a phone. Quite acceptable. Although it happens that you bored him or he is not looking for a relationship at the moment, but just wanted to have a good time with you. This happens especially often if you are still in the process of getting to know each other. Only a few dates have passed, and you have already dreamed of a magnificent wedding, a cozy country house and two children. He was not ready for such changes, and it is not a fact that he was looking for them.

If you have been dating for a long time, the relationship is not developing in the best way, he is probably tired of everything, including you

An interesting fact: the madness that you fall into today simply did not exist 10, 20 years ago. In those days, you wouldn't be maniacally checking your phone every few minutes, falling into anger and despair, in agony just because a person didn't send you a short, stupid text.

Modern romance is stressful, especially when it comes to writing. In 2010, only 10% of young people used messages to ask someone out on a date for the first time. In 2013 - already 32%. More and more people are sitting alone, staring at the screen of the phone, and at the same time experiencing a whole range of emotions.

A few minutes passed and the status of my message changed to read. My heart has stopped. Here it is, the moment of truth. I braced myself and watched as these little dots appeared on the smartphone screen, indicating that someone was typing a response for you. Feels like from a slow ride to the highest part of the slide. But then a few seconds pass - and that's it, they disappeared. And no answer.

Hmmm... What happened? A few more minutes pass and... nothing. 15 minutes pass... Nothing. My confidence is fading, doubts begin to torment me. An hour passes... Nothing. Two hours pass... Nothing. Three hours pass… A slight panic sets in. I am rereading my post. I was sure of him, but now I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with him.

“I am such a fool! You should have typed "Hello!" with two "e"s, not one. I asked too many questions. What was I thinking? Oh, I should have asked about something else. Aziz, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AND YOUR QUESTIONS?”

Aziz Ansari

Technological progress today allows us to contact the person we like instantly. But that doesn't make it any less of a problem. For example, how to invite a girl or a guy on a date? Worth a call? Or send SMS? Or add as a friend and send a message on a social network? How long do you have to wait before answering an invitation? Obviously, with progress came changes in our personal lives. We evaluate a partner differently, we start and build relationships differently.

Comedian Aziz Ansari decided to look into the problems of modern romantic relationships and, together with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg, developed a massive research project. From 2013 to 2014, they conducted focus groups and surveys around the world, as well as interviewing well-known romance researchers. The results of this research resulted in the book Actively Searching, in which, among other things, you can find the answer to the question of what to do as soon as you send or receive a message.

How long should I wait before replying to a message?

This issue caused the most controversy and disagreement among the respondents. And here are the tactics that people usually follow.

The tactic of doubling the response time: they answer you in five minutes, you wait ten. In this way, you will always be in a better position because you will seem busier and less available than your interlocutor.
Some people wait a few minutes to show that there is something more important in their life than a phone.
Some respondents believe that it is better to double the response time, but sometimes you can answer quickly, there is nothing to worry about (as, indeed, in too long a response).
Some people claim that they wait exactly 1.25 of the response time.
Others argue that it is enough to wait three minutes.
There were those who were already fed up with such games, so they responded immediately as soon as they saw the message. They find that their responses without feigned anticipation seem more lively and confident.

But do these tactics really work? And why do so many people follow them? Let's see if these strategies correlate with real psychological research.

Reply as reward

In recent years, behavioral scientists have studied why waiting tactics have such a powerful effect on people.

You will appear less attractive if you reply to messages immediately.

Psychologists have done hundreds of studies in which they have given animals rewards in a variety of settings. One of the most interesting findings is the “indeterminate reward”, that is, the situation when an animal, pressing a lever, cannot predict whether it will receive a reward. It turned out that uncertainty greatly increases the interest of the animal in receiving a reward: the level of dopamine rises, so it can be said that it gets high from this sensation.

In lab animals that receive a reward each time the lever is pressed, interest eventually wanes. After all, they know that as soon as they want a reward, they will receive it.

The same principle applies in relationships: if you are a guy or a girl who responds to messages without delay, you begin to be taken for granted. As a result, you lower your value as a reward. This means that the other person will not feel a strong need to respond to the message. Or, as in the case of laboratory animals, the need to push a lever.

What do texting and gambling have in common?

Messaging is an environment in which our mind begins to work in a specific way. Before everyone had cell phones, people always waited some time (several hours or days) before calling back, but in such a way that the other person did not feel anxious. Correspondence taught us to get faster responses. According to surveys, this figure varies from person to person in the range from 10 minutes to one hour.

Natasha Schüll, an anthropologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (USA), studies gambling addiction, in particular, what happens to the minds and bodies of people who are addicted to slot machines. Unlike cards, horse races or the weekly lottery, which make players wait (for their turn, when the horses finish, the weekly draw starts), slot machines allow you to gamble without delay, as the player receives information quickly.

You are used to expecting instant results, so you start to lose patience with any slightest delay. When you text someone you like but don't know well yet, it's very much like a slot machine. There is also a lot of uncertainty, anticipation, anxiety. You are set to receive a message. You want it, you need it right now. But if you don't get a quick response, it will throw you off track.

Natasha Shul

Text messages are different from the messages people left on answering machines before the advent of smartphones. A message on an answering machine can be compared to buying a lottery ticket. You know in advance that you will have to wait until you know the winning numbers. You don't expect to be called back immediately. You can even enjoy this feeling of uncertainty because you know in advance that you will have to wait a few days. But in the case of text messages, if you don't get a response after 15 minutes, then you start going crazy.

How to appear more attractive in the eyes of another person

The psychological principles associated with waiting can be a very useful strategy for a single person who wants to appear more attractive.

For example, let's say you are a man who met three women at a bar. The next day you write to them. Two respond quickly enough, and the third does not respond at all. The first two women showed interest in you, and your brain, having received the answer, calmed down. But the third woman, without answering, created uncertainty, and your brain begins to look for an explanation for her act. You don't lose interest: “Why isn't she answering? What is wrong with me? Maybe I did something wrong? This uncertainty, social psychologists have found, can lead to strong romantic attraction.

A team of scientists - Erin Whitchurch, Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert - conducted a study in which women were shown profiles of different men on the social network Facebook, who in turn told what they think about their profiles.

One group of women was shown the profiles of men who rated the profiles of the subjects from this group as the best.
The second group was told that they were shown profiles of men who rated their accounts as average.
The third group was shown profiles of men who could not decide whether they liked these women or not.

Women were expected to give preference to men who rated them as the best over the average (by the principle of reciprocity - we like people who love us). However, women were more likely to prefer men from the undecided group. Later, they also reported that they thought more about men who were undecided in the assessment.

When you think a lot about a person, their image is firmly established in your head, which, ultimately, can lead to attraction.

Another idea from social psychology that concerns our expectation games is the principle of scarcity. Usually we perceive something as more desirable when it seems to us beyond our reach. So when you rarely get messages from someone, in effect, that person is artificially creating scarcity and presenting themselves in a better light.

Don't take it personally

You wrote to a person and invited him on a date, but there was no reaction from him. What to do in such a situation? Certainly do not sprinkle ashes on your head and think what you said or did wrong. Remember that sometimes it's not about you, it's about other factors that come into play. There may be something going on in a person's life that you have no idea about, but this can affect his desire to start a relationship.