When a man realizes it's time to get married. Why do men get married? Marriage to confirm strength and superiority
In my practice, I often come across women who sincerely do not understand why, after so many months/years of relationship, a marriage proposal never comes to them. And each of them has to answer the question: why do men get married?
Girls have long known: “A man’s promise to marry is not a guarantee of a wedding!” This is especially clear in the three emails I received.
Irina, 25 years old, economist, Perm.
Dear Andrey Viktorovich! Need your advice! My friend's name is Igor. He is my age, moreover, a classmate. We have been friends since university, for 4 years now, for the last year we have been living together, renting an apartment. The relationship is generally very good; he is not a womanizer or a brawler. But you understand what every girl thinks about in such a situation: about when we will finally get married! She gave him hints, asked leading questions, but he kept laughing and saying: “They’ve been waiting for the promised one for three years.” I waited three years and recently tried to talk to him about this topic, and he told me to first lose weight and learn to cook for him and eat with onions myself. I took it as a joke, and a month later I returned to this conversation again. He told me that I didn’t fulfill his requests to lose weight, I didn’t learn to cook like his mother. Then I asked him, if he feels so bad with me, why does he live with me? Igor replied that he loves me, his life is generally good, but he imagines his wife somehow differently. I couldn’t restrain myself, spoke harshly to him and went to my parents. Two days have passed and he still hasn't called me. Please tell me what should I do in this situation? Go to bow yourself? Of course, I love him and will call him first myself. But can it really be like this: you can live with me, you see, but you can’t marry me?! As a girl, hearing this is simply offensive to me!!!
Alena, 29 years old, hairdresser and makeup artist, Moscow.
Hello! I would like to sign up for your trainings on successful marriage. The more I live and communicate with men, the more I don’t understand them. I think I’m already starting to quietly hate him. I am a stylist, makeup artist and, believe me, a beautiful and sexy girl. Men always pay attention to me, I had a lot of them, I was friends and lived together two or three times for a year. But, in my opinion, some kind of curse was placed on me: after a month of our relationship, they begin to hint at me about marriage, but after about six months, men begin to quietly wind down our relationship and leave me. At the same time, they bleat something incomprehensible: like they don’t feel strong with me, I suppress them, I’m very wasteful, a bad housewife, I’m not associated as a good mother, and all that kind of nonsense. Yes, I didn’t break into pieces, didn’t wash their apartments and didn’t iron the curtains. But I always said: we will have our own apartment together, or we will sign, then I will immediately show my qualities as a hostess. And I don’t understand at all about the fact that I suppress them. Yes, I always have my own opinion, and I'm not afraid to express it. What, I, Isaur’s slave, must always remain silent? I'm a free modern girl, after all. In general, what to do? The years go by, soon thirty, beauty fades, you need to get married as quickly as possible, and the men are not men at all. Please let me know when a new group will be recruited for the training. At least I’ll listen to other equally unfortunate people...
Evgenia, 32 years old, school teacher, Chelyabinsk.
Hello, dear Andrey. I want to ask you not just as a specialist, but specifically as a male psychologist: what should you tell men to interest them? I rarely meet people, but if I like a person, I immediately try to give my best to him: I listen attentively (no matter what nonsense he talks), I tolerate smokers and even a little drinkers, I feed him homemade cakes and salads, I am always neat. The first weeks and months are always great for me! The men are happy, I'm happy. More than one man has never dared to make a single comment to me, except perhaps about my “correctness” in bed. But in our debauched times, I consider this only a plus. And yet they leave me. They leave without offense, without reproaches or complaints. They start calling less, complaining more often about being busy, and lying about business trips. Recently I accidentally met an acquaintance with whom I was friends four years ago. We went to visit him, drank wine, and remembered our youth. I asked him why he left me and married someone else. And he told me that he was not interested in listening to my endless stories about my native school. That I myself and my parents, also teachers, have no prospects as relatives. And our intimacy, you see, has always not suited him either... Now he lives with an uneducated fool, but with large breasts. Moreover, from a family of hereditary bosses. But it’s all the same, with a fool! I cried for three evenings in a row, even all my colleagues noticed it. Answer me: is the female soul and our reverent attitude towards them really unimportant for men? Are only sex and connections, influential and rich relatives important? What about communication and care? Who has gone crazy: the world, men, or did I re-read classical literature in my youth? If you don’t know the answer, just give me some advice: can I already give birth to a child for myself and become another single mother in our school, or wait another year or two? Or change somehow? But how exactly? I’m writing to you and crying again... I’m tired of living like this! Sorry. Answer please.
I am sure that you have heard many such women’s stories in your life. Maybe you yourself complain to someone about life in approximately the same way... What should you answer to these and other women? What should I say to you personally? How to explain to the female community the reasons for this particular male behavior? That is, when everything starts well, a man has been friends for years, but stubbornly refuses to get married. If the pressure on him in this regard increases, he finds literally a thousand and one ways to evaporate, to disappear from a woman’s life. At the same time, in justification, he mutters something incomprehensible under his breath. It is this male behavior that I will now try to explain to you.
To begin with, let me once again remind you of men’s motives for creating serious relationships, which in my survey they consistently named:
16 reasons why men meet girls to create serious love relationships (including marriage):
Reason 1. The motive is sexual.
Reason 2. The motive of male pride and pride.
Reason 12. Motive of patronage of “one’s own”.
Reason 13. Love at first sight.
Reason 14. The need to erase memories of past love or family relationships.
Reason 15. The need for communication combined with curiosity and free time.
Reason 16. The need to acquire the necessary skills and “training” before future relationships and acquaintances.
To obtain this data, I interviewed about five thousand men aged 18 to 50 years. Having selected from this number almost three thousand men who, after long-term love relationships, eventually turned them into a family, that is, they created an official marriage, I received a slightly different picture of the motives for creating a family. The main difference was that the number of these motifs was reduced from sixteen to twelve, and one of the motifs turned out to be completely new (albeit not very unexpected). Read them carefully and compare them with the previous list.
12 REASONS-MOTIVES FOR WHICH MEN DECIDE TO MARRY:
Reason 1. The motive is sexual.
Reason 2. The motive of male pride and pride (jealousy).
Reason 3. The motive of male self-affirmation and mental comfort.
Reason 4. The motive for maintaining or increasing one’s social status.
Reason 5. The motive for improving one’s financial situation.
Reason 6. The motive for finding a good housewife.
Reason 7. The motive of becoming a father (procreation).
Reason 8. The motive for achieving common goals.
Reason 9. The motive of having common interests.
Reason 10. Lack of choice of sexual partner.
Reason 11. The motive for radically changing your life and increasing your success.
Plus, as a bonus, we have another reason (we’ll call it that, “reason – bonus”), reason-bonus No. 12. “Zalet”, that is, the conception of a child unplanned by a man.
So what do we see? We suddenly add another motive (really unexpected for all men) - “pregnancy,” that is, the conception of a child unplanned by a man.
But in comparison with the 16 reasons why men meet girls to create a serious relationship while still admitting the possibility of marriage, five motives have disappeared, that is, they have not proven their significance in this matter. Based on this, these five reasons-motives will no longer be analyzed by me. Why waste your time: you are already being given absenteeism at the registry office... By the way, it is for this reason that our 16 reasons why men meet girls to create serious relationships were arranged by me in this order (and not by ranking of importance) : firstly, so that the “extra” can then be cut off painlessly, and love takes its “fatal” place No. 13.
As for the location of the top ten, I will immediately note that the serial numbers of the motives do not correspond to their real significance in the lives of men. More precisely, they may correspond, but for certain ages and categories of men. That is, it is quite problematic to create a single, globally universal scale of marriage motives for all ages and all categories of men. In real practice, for men aged 18-21 years - it is one, for 22-25 years old - another, 25-30 years old - third, 31-37 years old - fourth, 38-43 - fifth, 44 - 50 - sixth, 51 -60 – seventh, 61-67 – eighth, etc. Of course, if you want to look for a husband in a specific age group and really insist, in one of my next books I will offer you approximate age scales of marriage motives in the lives of men. Well, now I invite you to think about the following information that is truly extremely important for women, which I personally am not afraid to even call this:
TEN LEADING REGULARITIES OF MEN'S LOVE AND MARITAL BEHAVIOR:
Pattern 1. A man can agree to meet someone and create an easy love (or purely sexual) relationship even with just one motive. (Some of the above 16 motives).
Pattern 2. A man maintains a relationship with a new girl (even if he initially met only because of sexual attraction) if in the process of communication at least two more motives are added to the original motive, so an easy acquaintance turns into a stable love relationship.
Pattern 3. A man can date a girl for years solely because of one sexual motive. But if other motives are not formed, this relationship is doomed to complete failure.
Pattern 4. To create a serious love relationship, it is important for a man to have at least three of the 16 motives we have identified.
Pattern 5. A man decides to turn a serious relationship into a civil marriage when the number of motives increases to four or five in the process of communication.
Pattern 6. A man decides to break up and end his serious love relationship with a gradual decrease in the number of motives in the process of communication to the initial level of only one or two motives.
Pattern 7. A man decides to create an official marriage if, in the process of communicating with a girl and gradually increasing positive information about her qualities, the number of his motives becomes more than five.
Pattern 8. The marriage ties that attract a man to his wife become stronger and stronger if, during the existence of the family, the number of his motives continues to increase. When the number of motives reaches a value greater than seven, divorce becomes almost impossible.
Pattern 9. The marriage ties that attract a man to his common-law or official wife become weaker if, in the course of the family’s existence, the number of his motives begins to decrease. When the number of motives reaches less than four, divorce becomes almost guaranteed.
Pattern 10. It is the dynamics of an increase or decrease in the number of male motives in the process of love or family communication between a man and a woman that ensures the dynamics of either improvement or deterioration of these relationships, leading to either separation or strengthening of the relationship, the formation of a family or divorce.
There is also one more exception to these rules:
It is extremely difficult to predict the value of the “knocked up” factor for a man, since it can change significantly over the course of many years of communication between a man and a woman who has “knocked up” from him.
Another addition: If the sum of those male motives for which you are not suitable for your friend (the sum of your minuses) is equal to or greater than the value of five, then your chances of an official marriage are zero, even if the number of your pluses is also equal to five. In this case, a civil marriage is possible, but most likely everything will end sadly.
So, once again I would like to draw your attention to the following:
— A man can make acquaintances based on only one motive, but if additional motives do not appear in the process of communication, the relationship may be limited to intimacy only and may not even turn into love.
— To transform an acquaintance into a serious love relationship, the work of at least three male motives is required.
— The emergence of four or five motives in a man’s head can lead to the creation of a civil marriage.
- Only an increase in the number of motives beyond five leads a man to the idea of registering a marriage and its further strengthening.
— A decrease in the number of male motives leads to a cooling of relationships and gradually lowers their status until a breakup or divorce.
Now let's translate these conclusions and patterns of love and marital behavior of men into practice.
Let's imagine several of the most common scenarios for the development of the situation. Moreover, while reading these 16 options (all taken from my real practice), try to find among them both your own life situations and the love and marriage scenarios of your friends. This will make reading my book more useful for you.
SCENARIO 1. A man meets based on sexual motive 1 (this happens most often, and this is quite normal). In the process of communication, he found out that a girl can look very impressive (motive 2), which pleasantly pleases a man’s pride, that she is very promising in terms of developing her career (motive 5). However, the positive dynamics of the addition of these two motives was negatively balanced by the fact that the girl turned out to be very limited in the sphere of intimacy (minus motive 1), not God knows what kind of housewife (minus motive 6), and from a problematic family (father drinks, mother occupies a low position in the social ladder, minus motive 4). The man dated her for a couple of months, but then decided that this relationship did not bring anything interesting, began to reduce the number of meetings and smoothly left her life, leaving the girl completely bewildered by what had happened.
SCENARIO 2. A man met a girl at a corporate party, she attracted him with her spectacular appearance (motive 2), similar type of activity and common topics of conversation (motives 8 and 9). Subsequently, the girl’s sexuality also pleased the man (motive 1). However, in the process of communication it turned out that the girl’s character leaves much to be desired (minus motive 3, that her ambitions are in no way confirmed by her business qualities (minus motives 4 and 5). The girl’s parents also turned out to be ordinary people (again, minus motives 4 and 5 ) As a result, the only advantage the girl had was her sexuality and spectacular appearance.The man dated a work colleague for more than a year, essentially for the sake of sex and her spectacular appearance, but after her persistent attempts to gain a foothold in his home, he finally decided to end the relationship and met another girl.After several emotional explanations, the man changed jobs and disappeared from his ex-girlfriend’s life.
SCENARIO 3. A completely successful 29-year-old man consciously wants to get married, but at the same time he is also consciously looking for a girlfriend - a good housewife (motive 6), who also wants to become a mother (motive 7), from a good family (motive 4). He finds such a girlfriend for 27 years, but apart from the question of family, they have no more topics to talk about (minus motives 8 and 9). Her high self-esteem (I emphasize: not inflated, but simply normal high self-esteem) and high level of income do not allow motive 3 of male self-affirmation to be realized. The couple begins to live in a civil marriage, the girl proves herself to be a good housewife (plus 6), but over two years of the relationship her figure deteriorates and intimate relationships become insipid (minus motives 1 and 2). Since the man himself makes good money and his social status is quite decent, the existing balance cannot encourage him to make the final decision to start a family. My friend suffers greatly because of this, the civil marriage has been dragging on for 3-4 years, and in the end she decides to get knocked up. In view of the approaching birth of a child and not wanting to quarrel with his own and other people’s parents, the man nevertheless decides to start a family, but begins to systematically cheat on his wife. If other children are not born in a timely manner, this family is doomed to divorce after 10-15 years of family life.
SCENARIO 4. A young man meets a completely ordinary girl at a party (minus motive 2). The girl herself took the initiative, sitting next to him, starting to care for the man, entering his personal space (remember motive No. 12 from the 16-point scale!). Having fallen under her personal charm, despite the fact that he had long been friends with a more spectacular and rich girl, the man makes an appointment with his new acquaintance. She behaves very correctly on an evening walk, increases the man’s self-esteem (motive 3), finds common topics for conversation, and positions herself as promising in terms of her career (motives 4 and 5). Once visiting a man, she proves herself to be a good housewife (motive 6), wiping dust everywhere. Despite her little intimate experience, she meets all the wishes of her new acquaintance in this matter. A man invests relatively little money in a girl, making her more spectacular (motif 2 begins to work). As a result, he gets a girlfriend who is dependent on himself (and the girl is not averse to positioning herself this way) with whom he is very morally and physically comfortable, while he feels like a leader (motive 3) and master of the situation. Having found out that the girl comes from a large family and is not spoiled, the man decides that this is better than his richer and therefore often intractable and conflict-ridden ex-girlfriend (albeit more glamorous) and begins to live with his new girlfriend. Having made sure that during their time together the new acquaintance has not lost any of her masculine motives (moreover, she is moving forward in her career), the man marries her and has children. The family took place.
SCENARIO 5. A man is a “mama’s boy”, having graduated from university. At his new job he meets a girl who begins to look after him, positions herself as a good housewife, listens to him in everything, and earns good money (motives 3, 4, 5). There are problems in the intimate sphere, but everything is gradually getting better (plus motive 1). The relationship lasts two to three years, the man gradually “ripes” for fatherhood (plus motive 7). His mother would like to see a bride who is richer and has more status (minus 4), but she understands that her son’s girlfriend is taking decent care of her child and will achieve a lot in life with her work. So the mother gradually gets used to the girl and begins to push her son to get married. Without much fanfare, the wedding took place, another family was born, and then two or three children. Everyone is happy.
SCENARIO 6. A 27-32 year old man is not very successful (a simple security guard, driver, engineer or low-level manager), but he is good-looking, very sexually active, and has relationships with at least a dozen girls at the same time. They are all equally sexy and spectacular. Therefore, relationships with everyone have been approximately the same for several years. For several years, no other motives are simply relevant for a man. Some girls get tired of waiting for the relationship to develop and leave the man themselves. Others make trouble, but the result is the same. Some of the girls try to “fly up”, but this does not make much of an impression on the man. As a result, there were several abortions, one of the older girls gave birth “for herself” and became a single mother. The situation changes when a man’s body malfunctions and a chronic disease develops. He immediately wanted stability and home comfort. As a result, out of all the options, the one that turned out to be beautiful (motive 2), but with fewer demands, was chosen. Submissive, but earning well (motives 3, 5), unlike a man, having a higher education and showing promise in life, introducing him to a higher social environment (motive 4). Similar specimens that he had come across in his life before, they just did not wait for the “hour X” to arrive.
SCENARIO 7. A student boy who came from the village, from the age of 19, dated various girls, went out with beautiful people, slept with liberated people, went to dinner with housekeepers. After graduating from university, the guy realized that he definitely wanted to stay in the city and came to the conclusion that he needed a local girl with an apartment and high-status parents (motives 4, 5). Preferably ready to give birth right away, so that she doesn’t leave him, plus economical reasons (motives 6, 7). Of several eligible classmates, the one who was the sexiest (motive 1) and had similar interests to the man (motives 8 and 9) made it to the finals. The wedding took place immediately after receiving the diploma.
SCENARIO 8. A 34-year-old man, dissatisfied with the loss of external gloss and sexuality of his wife, who is busy with a child, while on a long business trip, due to the availability of free time and the desire for intimacy, became involved with a married woman of a similar age who was on a business trip with him (her husband drank a lot, had serious conflicts with his parents). In the process of communication, a plan was developed to seize power in the department where they worked together (motive 8), which would provide both with not only an increase in status, but also significant material dividends (motives 4, 5, 10). Returning to the city, they continued their relationship, and within two years they achieved a common goal (which brought them even closer together). During this time, the man became convinced of his girlfriend’s thriftiness and her readiness to give birth to a child for him (motives 6, 7). The sum of six motives did its job: first two divorces took place in the department, and then one wedding...
SCENARIO 9. A young man, 27 years old, has been friends with his classmate for five years, and for the last two years they have lived together in a civil marriage. Working in various organizations, they quickly began to move away from each other, and her constant business trips around the region aroused jealousy and irritated male pride (minus motives 2, 3, 8). All this led to quarrels, because of which the dates for going to the registry office were constantly postponed. In an effort to make a career, not being sure of a partner, the girl took precautions. As a result, there were no children, and no binding circumstances (except for a joint mortgage). Having fallen in love at first sight with one of his clients during one of her visits to his company, the man happily found out that she, like him, goes to the same gym, strives to start her own business, and is also an accountant. economist. To these two motives (8 and 9) were added the motives of sexual, increasing one’s social status and improving one’s financial situation (1, 3, 4, 5). Six motives versus three existing ones (sex, housekeeping, beauty) led to the expected result. The man left his common-law wife, created his own business, and then (having discovered the full value of his new girlfriend in work and everyday life, which added two more motives - 6 and 11) married her.
SCENARIO 10. A 46-year-old man (engineer), with a stable family relationship and two grown-up children (20 and 16 years old), was very worried that neither he nor his wife had achieved much success in life. Not sharing his wife’s passion for the dacha, irritated by her corpulent figure, suffering more and more from her increasing conceit and harsh categoricalness with age (minus motives 1, 2, 3, 4, 5), the man, one day, really wanted to radically change his life and improve success. Having taken a shift job and starting to earn decent money (two years later), he begins an affair with a young beautiful woman environmentalist, suffering from the fact that her friend recently went to prison for killing two people with a car. Having decided to stay forever in a distant northern city, convinced of the woman’s readiness to become a reliable support for him, the mother of his new children, sexuality, her thriftiness and energy at work (motives 1, 3, 4, 6, 7), the man sends a telegram home asking for understanding and forgive. The divorce took place by mail, the children refused to communicate with their father, but the new marriage became a reality.
SCENARIO 11. A young student, 18 years old, begins to make friends with an interesting girl from his yard. The motives initially included the need for communication, combined with curiosity, the availability of free time, as well as the need to acquire the necessary skills and “training” before future relationships and acquaintances (motives 2, 15, 16 from a scale with 16 motives). Then the young man becomes sexually attached to her (motive 1). Seeing that the proximity of their entrances complicates the transition to living together (there is no point in renting a shared apartment), and this does not give her the opportunity to prove herself as a housewife, on the advice of her friends, the girl decides to “fly in”. The argument in the form of a growing belly did its job (the long-awaited fifth motive No. 5), the wedding was played. The prospects for the family life of this couple are very vague, but the family, in any case, has arisen. The girl achieved her goal...
SCENARIO 12. A 24-year-old guy, having lost his girlfriend, who, after three years of their friendship, could not stand the lack of marriage proposals (the guy was simply too young) and left for an older and wealthier man, suffering greatly, he accidentally met an older girl at the cinema 27 years. Having a need to erase memories of past love or family relationships (motive 13 of the 16-item scale), he immediately fell in love with her (motive 13). Having received a portion of a good dinner and quality sex (motives 1 and 6), feeling needed by her and afraid because of his sluggishness to lose love and a beautiful girl again (motives 2, 3), the guy proposed after two months. The couple’s lack of an apartment did not stop anyone; the girl agreed and a quite decent family emerged.
SCENARIO 13. A 26-year-old guy (a minor official in the city administration) who has not yet had enough fun meets a 20-year-old beautiful girl in a coffee shop (motives 1 and 2). After four months of the relationship, the couple “flew up” without anyone’s special desire for this: the girl still needed to study, and the guy had not yet planned a family and fatherhood. The girl's mother was against abortion. Having learned from their son that the girl’s parents were wealthy and respected people in the city, his own parents directly advised their son not to be a fool and to try his luck. Not wanting scandals at work and realizing that his father-in-law’s help would be useful in career growth (motives 3, 4, 5, 7), the guy proposed, despite the fact that the girl turned out to be a bad housewife and had a harmful character. Six motives outweighed two. The marriage took place, having received charming twins in their arms, the couple lived quite happily to the great joy of all the parents.
SCENARIO 14. A 29-year-old man, having accidentally thrown mud (driving in a car) on a beautiful young girl of 22 years old, stopped and volunteered to take her home to change clothes. During communication, the motive of patronage of “one’s own” smoothly transitioned into motives 1 and 2, sexual and male pride. Convinced of the girl’s complaisance and gentle nature, the guy begins to be friends with her. Seeing her thriftiness and the very poverty that made her dependent on the will of a man (motives 6 and 3), the guy, after three weeks of dating, moved her to his apartment, and six months later made an offer that she could not, and did not even think about refuse.
SCENARIO 15. A 34-year-old man, who has a family and a child, but was once poor and unable to communicate with sexy beauties, finally became rich and got involved in nightclub life with wealthy friends. Having fallen in love at first sight with a luxurious socialite “party girl” of 23 years old, having received first-class sex, he had a vibrant love relationship that lasted three whole years (motives 1, 2). The girl wanted to marry him, but in the end she deceived herself. Citing the uncertainty of her status in the relationship, she refused to wash his shirts, comply with his requests to dress more modestly and stop going to clubs. Her intransigence in this matter “frozen” the development of relations. They stomped around in one place for a long time. Then, worried about her “aging”, the now 26-year-old beauty married her wealthy peer, the son of rich parents, whom she really did not love. The grown man ended up drinking. Both he and his young girlfriend suffered for a very long time, “moving away” from this “single” love, corresponded, called each other, exchanged gifts, even cried. Unfortunately (or fortunately), they did not understand that if the girl had listened more to her adult friend, or decided to “fly up,” the number of motives would have increased, and their marriage would most likely have taken place...
I outlined to my dear readers only 15 of the most illustrative scenarios from the point of view of understanding male motives. In fact, there are many hundreds of them that can be described. In addition, I specifically reproduce these scenarios on behalf of men, so that my dear readers try to see real life situations through the eyes and brains of those whose behavior was previously incomprehensible to them, through the eyes and brains of these mysterious and strange men. Let me remind you that my main goal in working on this book is the desire to teach women to understand men's love and marriage motives. The desire to ensure that every smart woman can read men almost like an “open book”, learns to bring her behavior into such correct compliance with male expectations and requests that will help her not only meet and create a family, but also preserve it for life.
Now, it would seem, everything is clear: respected ladies know the 12 main reasons why men decide to get married, and all they have to do is use the specified algorithm, gradually increase the number of their friend’s motives to 5-7 and “the trick is in the bag” (more precisely, in veil)! However, it is my professional duty to immediately warn that there are several more annoying nuances in this issue.
Annoying nuance number 1. Much to the ladies' regret, all these motives work in men's heads even when the man himself is nothing!!!
That is, a certain selectivity and even pickiness in the “women’s issue” is characteristic not only of young, beautiful, successful and rich “eligible bachelors”, but even of the most problematic men from the category of drinkers, lazy, uneducated (etc. and etc.). Which, of course, do not recognize themselves as such (and never will!) and when communicating with women, they “roam around” even more than worthy Men with a Capital Letter. Therefore, if you naively believe that your acquaintance with a college behind his back, a cheap car in the garage and a low salary will be a much easier prey than a successful manager of a major campaign or a responsible official, then most likely you will be greatly mistaken in this and, in the end, , you are deceiving yourself. Hence the moral:
The process of acquiring, or rather, betrothal of a man,
Respectively:
Behaving according to masculine rules,
an intelligent woman will definitely attract several people at once
different types of men.
And then her final choice will depend only on herself!
Annoying nuance number 2. Men also know the basic female motives and therefore also hunt women quite intelligently.
Smart ladies should not forget that:
In a world of men and women hunting each other
most often carried out simultaneously.
In general, no matter how primitive and controllable your man may seem to you, you should not relax when hunting him. You shouldn’t, if only simply because this man can also hunt you, but at the same time have completely different motives in his head and deceive you, knowing your motives already. However, there is an ideal option, reflected in the following wisdom:
What is real hunting?
This is when he is in the hunt and she is in the hunt!
Let both in your life and in the life of your man, this very hunt be precisely the hunt to start a family and have children.
Annoying nuance number 3. When assessing women's motives, a man can simply make mistakes based on his incorrect assessments.
What is meant? What this means is that when getting to know each other and creating a love relationship, both a man and a woman expect to meet on the opposite side motives exactly similar to their own. The problem here is that a woman may not clearly, or even vaguely, inform a man about her true motives for the relationship. And a smart girl should know about this.
Annoying nuance number 4. The motives for a man’s love and marital behavior are often determined by his past relationships.
Of course, most often negative. Therefore, a smart girl should be as interested in the past of her chosen one as possible, literally delve into the smallest details. Let's say, if a guy was dumped by a very beautiful girl, it means that your brightness was good only at the moment of meeting. Then you should fade away a little, because she will certainly give him a reason to suspect you of frivolity. If the last one was “very smart,” then you don’t need to dictate your opinion to your friend about spending the next weekend, rely more on his decisions, follow the man’s lead.
The future of a current love relationship is often determined
past love relationships of both partners.
When selecting the keys to masculine motives, you should not forget about this even for a minute. However, we will talk about this too.
Annoying nuance number 5. Having many advantages of her own, it is important for a girl to take into account who someone may have and even more their number.
Some girls, knowing their worth well, are so confident that their man is “on a short leash” that they stop comparing themselves with other possible competitors. But you should remember that even in the case of a stable relationship and his deep loyalty, a man can completely accidentally meet some other girl who may have 1-2 more advantages than the current one. Or the man will simply make a simple mistake in this matter, and his inflated assessment of his new acquaintance will turn out to be incorrect (due to the emotional freshness of the new impressions). In the end, he will greatly regret leaving his ex, but there may no longer be an opportunity to get everything back...
The point in this case is, first of all, that girls and women should under no circumstances be allowed to reduce the number of those advantages that directly fit into men’s motives for continuing and developing these love relationships. Don’t get fat, don’t forget to wash and dye your hair, keep up with fashion, update your wardrobe, periodically feed your friend something tasty, and call, text and call again...
Having honestly warned my readers about the presence of five annoying nuances (thus spoiling their joy from discovering male motives), now is the time to move on and tell them what specific results they can get by applying all that knowledge in their love and family practice what they got in this chapter. Which is what we will do in another article from my website: “How to assess your chances of getting married.”
So you have now learned everything that men have hidden from you for centuries... I hope this inspires and inspires you!
And I want to tell you straight: on the one hand, understanding that I haven’t discovered anything too new, nevertheless, I am very proud of my work. Having lived on Earth for 39 years, having been engaged in practical family psychology for 17 years, I myself finally understood something about the marital behavior of my fellow sexes only after I started processing more than five thousand male profiles! The patterns I have drawn may seem funny and elementary to some. Nevertheless, these are still just regularities. That is, they are repeated! And they don’t just repeat themselves, but repeat themselves steadily, regularly reproducing themselves in the life of each individual man and woman. And if so, this means that they not only can, but will definitely play their role in the lives of the next generations of people. Therefore, you should know them, be sure to take them into account and apply them to your biography. This will be a real scientific approach. And this is worth a lot...
Applying the patterns of people’s love and marital behavior to your own life and, ultimately, successfully putting together your personal life is much more correct than trying to live by your own rules, and then hitting the bottle out of grief.
I am sure that you completely agree with me. Thank you!
Sincerely, Your family psychologist,
Doctor of Science, Prof., Andrey Zberovsky
If you need advice from a psychologist,
make an appointment for a personal appointment and online consultation
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Attention: This article was created based on chapters from the books by Andrei Zberovsky “Why are you not married yet”, “Quarrels on the way to sex”, “Quarrels around sex”, “Men’s sexual fears, tricks and tricks”, “Thirteen ways to overcome the crisis of love relationships”, “Sharp corners of young families”, “How to assess the strength of your marriage”, “Familyquakes: what can threaten your marriage”. I recommend that you read these works in full. This may be beneficial for you and your family.
When the candy-flower period of a relationship comes to an end, the man's brain gradually rises back into his head. A person begins to understand that romance cannot last long and a decision needs to be made. Either break off the relationship or take it to a new level. And then, coming once again to his beloved, along with the blank for the Rosas albas herbarium, he quite by chance takes with him a toothbrush, three pairs of socks and an “Offspring” poster. This is how life begins in a civil marriage. And all will be well. Even more. The only problem is that a man will always be satisfied with such a situation. He quite sincerely will not understand why anything should be changed. “After all, it’s already good for us, dear...” How do weddings turn out?
1.
For a woman, relationship status can really become important over time. There are many reasons. The most common are the desire to have a child within marriage and pressure from relatives and friends. The woman begins to insist - the man agrees. At the same time, the happy spouses are left with the feeling that they simply fulfilled the desire of their chosen one. As a result, 52% of respondents completely sincerely believe that they got married because their future wife wanted it that way.2.
Somewhere deep in the soul of every man there lives such a thing as responsibility.
Recently, in a bookstore, I saw a publication with a wonderful title: “How to marry him to yourself in 9 months.” Great book: large font, thick pages, lots of pictures. A minimum of text, and everything is to the point. But this, of course, is not about her. And about nine months.
Somewhere deep in the soul of every man there lives such a thing as responsibility. And therefore, if a loved one announces her pregnancy, for a decent person this, as a rule, becomes the decisive factor. A sociological survey showed that 27% of the stronger sex get married because their fiancée is expecting a child.
3.
Many men, especially those who stopped living with their parents quite late, value freedom very much. More precisely, what they consider freedom. True, after 28-35 years they begin to call it loneliness. And they understand that it is actually very pleasant - when you don’t have to look for the key, but just ring the doorbell and it will be opened for you... Thirty-five percent of men consider the feeling of loneliness to be a sufficient reason for getting married. 4.
The following joke illustrates this anecdote:- And what are you doing?
- Erythrocytes. My father worked on red blood cells, my grandfather worked on red blood cells. Red blood cells are in my blood.
About one in four people think they should get married because that’s what their parents and their parents’ parents did. And in general, everyone around us does this, and, as you know, a hundred thousand lemmings cannot be wrong! And by the way, don’t judge me for this motive. Such people, as a rule, have beliefs, principles and take care of family values. With some probability...
5.
It's time to leave Brownian motion to the Browns and the wheels to the squirrels. Enough of the changes. From a certain point, a man needs calm in a relationship. In the best sense of the word. Not a glance to the left, all energy goes to work and potential family. And from his family he wants to receive support, support and meaning. The meaning for which everything actually happens.6.
The stamp in the passport serves as additional proof of eternal love.
I wonder what day after the wedding would Romeo and Juliet get divorced? Young men of tender age very often shoulder the unbearable burden of marriage in those moments when the soul sings and everything around is rosy. The stamp in this case serves as additional proof of eternal love, the like of which has not been and will not be in the entire history of mankind.
It is clear that in a few months a completely different story begins. And it’s good if it’s not about the adolescence of Baron Gilles de Laval de Rais, better known by the nickname Bluebeard.
7.
It's not just women who marry for money. Among men, there are also individuals who are attracted by the bank account or possible inheritance of their chosen one, so they get married.Let us recall, for example, the story of the marriage of Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Fortensky.
8.
In addition, the reason for a man to get married may be something that frightens him even more about family life. For example, old age, the opinions of others, fear of not getting a position (it is known that married people are considered more responsible and worthy of promotion), the nine hundred and thirty-seventh call from mom telling her how she wants grandchildren, and much more. Platephobia, for example. 9.
Last on the list, but first in importance, is the most important reason. Love. If this reason motivates a man to get married, you are very lucky. It's truly wonderful.
So why don't men get married more often solely for this reason? We are simply afraid of discovering uncertainty. We are afraid of sudden changes, because “we may lose control over the situation.” We constantly remember that the best is the enemy of the good.
You and your boyfriend can be the best couple, have the deepest feelings for each other, but this will not make him propose to you. American psychologist Alan Gretsch reveals the secrets that will make him do this.
Every girl knows how hard it is to waste time on a guy who refuses to commit to a serious relationship... Especially if after a breakup he moves on to the next girl and then suddenly marries her. Women believe that a man will raise this issue when he finds the one and only one. But this is not enough...
“What is also needed is a so-called state of readiness,” says Gretsch. - In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, I have realized that only half of them marry the women they love. The rest dare to take this serious step only when they mature.” This means that compatibility is extremely important. But if he doesn’t yet have a mindset for marriage, he won’t enter into a serious relationship with anyone, even with Angelina Jolie.
Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the one. But it is more likely that he will meet her when he is in the mood for marriage. Below, Alan Gretsch reveals five factors that motivate a man to take the plunge.
It doesn't matter how crazy in love your guy is during the initial sweet-and-flowery period of the relationship. Love means the desire to be with a person as he really is.
Sign of his readiness for marriage #1
He is capable of truly loving
Although sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between infatuation and true love, there is one clue - this is the test of time. Falling in love occurs at an early stage of a relationship, when the couple does not know each other well. Once they become closer and learn more about each other's positive and negative traits, and the initial passion for love wears off, the man who is just in love will lose interest. If he truly loves, he will stay. Another important signal of true love is self-sacrifice and the ability to care. Does your man make sacrifices for you? Is he able to put your desires and needs first in relation to his own?
Intellectually, we all understand that there are no ideal people and therefore no ideal relationships. But it often takes maturity and relationship experience to actually believe it.
Sign of his readiness for marriage #2
He is able to accept your shortcomings
Take my client who broke up with a wonderful woman simply because he thought he could find someone better. A year later, he met another woman who was also beautiful, but far from ideal. After two years of dating, he finally decided to propose. If he had met her a couple of years earlier, he would have broken up with her without a second thought. But now he understands that there is no ideal. Even if a man tells you that he is ready for a long-term relationship, you should not believe it unconditionally without encountering problems. If he is not ready yet, he will not be able to cope with the negative aspects of the relationship, and will either withdraw into himself and isolate himself from you, or leave. A man who is truly ready for marriage will try to solve any problem you have.
Sign of his readiness for marriage #3
He sincerely believes in serious relationships
This does not mean that he will never experience doubts or even think about leaving. But in the end, he will understand that the relationship is the main priority, and whatever discomfort he has to experience to sort out the problems, it will be worth it. Even though stereotypical gender roles have weakened and many men are no longer expected to be the breadwinner, plenty of guys still worry about being the breadwinner. And many women still count on it. Therefore, if a guy feels that he cannot live up to his expectations, he may distance himself from a serious relationship in order to avoid the feeling that he is not capable of something. This is his way of protecting his ego.
Sign of his readiness for marriage #4
He's sure he can be a man
But it's not just about money or the lack thereof. If a guy spends all his time and energy on achieving a goal (whether it's advancing his career or finishing medical school), he simply won't have anything left to give his partner - both physically and emotionally. Therefore, he pushes romance into the background. That doesn't mean he won't ever want to bring it up. If your man is struggling to establish his career or trying to make ends meet, it may be in your best interest to wait for the right opportunity when he is ready. If he makes it clear that he wants to get married after he completes what he's working on, your patience may eventually be rewarded.
Although there is no specific age at which men are ready to get married, after some time, the transition from one superficial relationship to another begins to lose its appeal and they want a deeper connection with someone.
Sign of his readiness for marriage #5
He's tired of love affairs
This more intimate mood may accelerate if all of the guy's friends start to settle down. On the one hand, it becomes more difficult for him to find friends for parties. But more importantly, when everyone around him begins to take their relationships more seriously, he is more likely to think about what he wants in life. Although single life is exciting, it is often emotionally unsatisfying. And eventually, at some stage, most men want to have that soulmate connection. Often, men who have reached a certain age, when it is time to settle down and have a wife and children, are in no hurry to say goodbye to freedom and tie the knot. They are scared even by the thought that someone will encroach on their personal space, that they will have to take care of someone else besides their loved one. What criteria are used to check that a man is ready to start a family?
And the boy has matured
- Tolerance towards the woman you love.
He already understands the personality traits, character, and habits of his beloved woman. This indicates his psychological maturity. He no longer starts quarrels over trifles and is able to discuss any problem that arises. He is no longer afraid of conversations about living together, about everyday trifles, about the general budget and about other aspects of life together. - Children's theme.
When his beloved starts a conversation about how she wants to have a child with him, he doesn’t “go away” from the topic, but, on the contrary, is touched, imagining how they will take care of their son together (of course, we will have a son, and don’t argue with me!”), who will be born like him, like two peas in a pod. He has already undergone a reassessment of values, and he is ready to sacrifice his entertainment and freedom for the sake of realizing this wonderful goal. No, of course, he is not against such a wonderful event as the birth of his own child from the woman he loves. - Don't talk, but act!
He just can’t decide to propose to his girlfriend - what if she refuses? But at the same time, he hints in every possible way that he is completely ready to share the hardships of everyday life with her: you pay utility bills, buy household appliances, and allocate funds for current expenses. He makes it clear to her that he no longer wants to spend money on entertainment and other nonsense. - Talk about a wedding celebration.
Usually men try to avoid this topic, unlike women who, on the contrary, love to exaggerate it. But lately he has been willingly and enthusiastically taking part in the discussion of their wedding - drawing up a proposed list of guests, imagining where and how everything will happen. These conversations inflame him more and more. He is already in full communication with his girlfriend’s parents and her other relatives, which he did not do before out of fear of all these conversations about the wedding, the desire to see his grandchildren as soon as possible, etc. - Attention and care.
Of course, at the beginning of their relationship he was extremely gallant and courteous with her. However, when the relationship was already established, he stopped burdening himself with unnecessary troubles about maintaining the relationship at the same level. After all, he no longer needs to win the heart of his beloved. Time passes, and the girl notices that her beloved has somehow settled down and is already taking care of her on some other, more serious level - he has become helpful, attentive, and scrupulous. It just blows specks of dust off of her. Well, yes, he has matured, matured, his interests have become less frivolous.
If the above signs are not observed in your loved one, you will have to wait a little until he matures. Do not use harsh measures against him - this will only push him away. He must himself realize his readiness for the joys of family life. And the main and sure signs of such readiness are attention, care and love.
The stronger sex is in no hurry to start a family, especially now that women are available without a stamp in their passport. By involving his beloved in an adventure called “cohabitation,” the man remains free, while the partner is forced to play the role of a pseudo-wife.
Arguments in favor of the so-called civil marriage (there is confusion in concepts: civil marriage has legal registration, everything else is banal cohabitation, or, more correctly, unregistered marriage relations) are unconvincing.
Without legal registration, both parties are deprived of a number of rights, and secondly, they are released from certain obligations. Only those men who do not love their women object to going to the registry office. They are still searching, hoping to meet the one.
In the meantime, the males, accustomed to comfort, wait and take advantage of what they have. A determined man will not doubt his choice. All that can delay the moment of registration is the period established by law after submitting the application to the registry office.
A man in love is eager to tie a girl, to make her his, because by nature the representatives of the stronger sex are owners.
Men, in principle, are simple-minded people, so sophistication in love relationships is unknown to them. Preferring to maintain emotional coldness, they behave with extreme restraint, however... as soon as the soul is filled with passion, a volcano of feelings bursts out. And even in this state, many guys find it difficult to squeeze out “I love you.” So there is no need to demand confessions from a man. When the right moment comes, it will “split” itself.
Ordinary observation will help to forestall the young man's intentions. So, 6 signs that a girl has become an object of true love for a man.
1. Shows that she is special to him.
This only happens when you really like a girl. The young man makes an effort to surround the object of his claims with attention, care, and create comfortable conditions for him.
First of all, the guy does not allow contact to be lost, that is, he calls regularly and makes appointments. Doesn't disappear for a week. A lover simply will not allow himself to do this, because he values the girl and is afraid of losing her.
Girls should remember the following truisms:
– a man either wants and communicates, or does not want and does not communicate; 
– if the MC doesn’t call, it means he has no desire to do so;
– he will not try for the sake of a “random woman”.
Gifts are an important indicator of love. A man wants to enjoy his passion, therefore, regardless of the number of coins in his pocket, he will arrange surprises. When choosing a gift, he takes into account the woman’s interests and preferences, which is an additional confirmation of his sincere affection.
2. He strives to spend as much time with her as possible.
A man compensates for being busy on weekdays by relaxing together on weekends. Yes, he does not hide on the weekend, does not run to friends or to the stadium, does not console himself in the arms of another, but comes to his beloved and has fun with her.
If the girl is not desirable, then the guy will always find excuses to spend time with friends in a bar or work on his car. If the MC is interested in what his girlfriend will do on Saturday evening, it means that the relationship is developing in the right direction and he has designs on the girl.
3. A man makes plans for a future together
The guy includes the girl in his life in his plans - which means he regards her as a potential wife. He is not afraid to talk about a future together and children. It’s good if the plans are supported by specific actions, that is, the man sets deadlines, works to increase the financial base - in general, creates a strong platform for the future family.
4. Often touches, hugs, kisses
A man in love wants to feel his chosen one with every cell. In addition to sexual attraction, he feels the need for mutual caresses and tenderness. Sometimes the feelings are so overwhelming that the guy literally pounces on his passion: kisses passionately, runs his hands through his hair, presses him, holds his hands.
There is no point in guessing - the man is in love euphoria. This behavior is typical of all young people in love. In addition to sex, they give their beloved a sea of affection and warmth, shower her with tender words, compliments, and unconditionally accept her external characteristics.
5. Jealous
The feigned indifference quickly disappears from the face as soon as thoughts about a possible rival enter the man’s head. Being head over heels in love, he will not allow anyone to approach his soul mate.
Jealousy is another proof of male love. The young man wants to be the best, the only one for his chosen one, so he will not tolerate conversations about a third person or the presence of other guys nearby. The feeling of love and the fear of losing force him to be jealous of the entire male environment. They usually say: he is jealous even of a pillar.
6. Shows the girl to friends, introduces her to relatives
It was already mentioned above that a man in love includes a woman in his life. This continues with getting to know friends and family. This is how he shows how dear the girl is to him and makes her a source of pride.
It turns out that the man is ready to tell the whole world about his feelings, which means he is confident in his choice and happy.
As you can see, determining that a guy is in love and would not mind marrying a girl is not so difficult. The main thing is to watch him carefully and everything will become clear!