Short, touching stories that make you think. A sad female story of love and... death Caucasian love story sold for a gambling debt
Touching stories rarely appear on the first pages, which is probably why it seems that nothing good and kind is happening in the world. But as these little love stories show, beautiful things happen every day.
They're all from a site called Makesmethink, a place where people share their thought-provoking stories, and we're sure you'll agree that these little funny stories are thought-provoking. Be careful though: some of them may lift your spirits, while others may move you to tears...
"Today I realized that my dad is the best dad I could ever dream of! He is my mom's loving husband (always makes her laugh), he comes to all my football matches since I was 5 years old (I'm 17 now) ) and is a real stronghold for our family.
This morning, while looking for pliers in my dad's toolbox, I found a dirty folded piece of paper at the bottom. It was an old diary entry in my father's handwriting, dated exactly one month before my birthday. It read: “I'm 18 years old, an alcoholic, a college dropout, a victim of child abuse, a man with a criminal record for car theft. And next month I'll be adding 'teen dad' to the list. But I swear that From now on, I will do everything right for my little girl. I will be the father I never had." And I don't know how he did it, but he did it."
"Today I told my 18-year-old grandson that when I was in high school, no one asked me to his prom. That same evening, he showed up at my house in a tuxedo and took me to his prom as his date."
"My 88-year-old grandmother and her 17-year-old cat are both blind. Usually my grandmother is led around the house by her guide dog. But lately the dog has also been leading her cat around the house. When the cat meows, the dog comes up to her and rubs her about her, after which she follows him to her food, to her “toilet,” to the other end of the house to sleep, and so on.”
“Today, approaching the door of my office at 7 am (I’m a florist), I saw a soldier in uniform standing waiting. He stopped by on the way to the airport - he was leaving for one year in Afghanistan. He said: “Usually every Friday I I'm bringing my wife home a bouquet of flowers and I don't want to disappoint her while I'm gone." He then placed an order for 52 bouquets of flowers, each to be delivered to his wife's office every Friday afternoon. I gave him a 50% cut "discount".
"Today I walked my daughter down the aisle. Ten years ago, I carried a 14-year-old boy from his mother's fire-engulfed SUV after a serious accident. Doctors initially said he would never walk. My daughter visited him in the hospital with me several times Then I began to come to him myself. Today I watch how, contrary to all the doctors’ predictions, he stands at the altar on his own two legs and smiles, putting a ring on my daughter’s finger.”
"Today, by mistake, I accidentally sent my father a message saying 'I love you' that I wanted to send to my husband. A few minutes later I received a response: 'I love you too.' Dad." It was like that! We so rarely say words of love to each other."
"Today, when she came out of an 11-month coma, she kissed me and said, 'Thank you for being here and telling me these beautiful stories without losing faith in me... And yes, I will come out marry you".
“Today is our 10th wedding anniversary, but since my husband and I have recently been unemployed, we agreed not to give each other any gifts this time. When I woke up in the morning, my husband was already up. I went downstairs and saw the beautiful fields flowers placed throughout the house. There were about 400 flowers in total, and he didn’t spend a single coin on them.”
“Today my blind friend explained to me in vivid colors how wonderful his new girlfriend is.”
"My daughter came home from school and asked where she could learn sign language. I asked why she needed it, and she replied that they had a new girl at school, that she was deaf, only understood sign language, and she couldn’t someone to talk to."
“Today, two days after my husband’s funeral, I received a bouquet of flowers that he ordered for me a week ago. The note said: “Even if cancer wins, I want you to know that you are the girl of my dreams.”
“Today I re-read the suicide letter that I wrote on September 2, 1996 - 2 minutes before my girlfriend appeared at the door and said: “I’m pregnant.” I suddenly felt that I had a reason to live. Now she is my wife We have been happily married for 14 years. And my daughter, who is almost 15 years old, has two younger brothers. I re-read my suicide letter from time to time to feel gratitude again - gratitude for having received a second chance at life and love." .
"Today, my 12-year-old son, Sean, and I visited a nursing home together for the first time in months. I usually come alone to visit my mother, who has Alzheimer's disease. As we walked into the lobby, the nurse saw my son and said, " Hi, Sean!" "How does she know your name?" I asked him. "Oh, I just popped in here on the way home from school to say hi to my grandma," Sean replied. I didn't even know that."
“Today, a woman who is having to have her larynx removed due to cancer signed up for my sign language class. Her husband, four children, two sisters, brother, mother, father and twelve close friends also signed up with her for the same class. to be able to talk to her after she loses the ability to speak out loud."
“I recently went into a second-hand bookstore and bought a copy of a book that was stolen from me when I was a child. I was so surprised when I opened it and realized that it was the same stolen book! My name was on the first page and the words written by my grandfather: “I really hope that many years later this book will be in your hands again and you will read it again.”
“Today I was sitting on a park bench eating my sandwich when I saw an elderly couple stop their car at a nearby oak tree. They rolled down the windows and turned on jazz music. Then the man got out of the car, walked around it, opened the front door where the woman was sitting , extended his hand and helped her get out. After that, they moved a few meters away from the car, and the next half danced slowly under the oak tree."
“Today my 75-year-old grandfather, who has been blind due to cataracts for almost 15 years, said to me: “Your grandmother is the most beautiful, isn’t she?” I paused and said: “Yes. I bet you miss those times when you could see her beauty every day." "Honey," Grandpa said, "I still see her beauty every day. In fact, I see her more clearly now than I did when we were young."
“Today I was horrified to see through the kitchen window as my 2-year-old daughter slipped and fell headfirst into the pool. But before I could reach her, our Labrador Retriever Rex jumped after her, grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and pulled her towards the steps. shallow water where she could stand on her feet."
“Today on the plane I met the most beautiful woman. Assuming that I was unlikely to see her again after the flight, I complimented her on this occasion. She smiled at me with the most sincere smile and said: “No one has said such words to me in the last 10 years.” It turned out ", we were both born in the mid-1930s, both have no family, have no children and live almost 8 kilometers from each other. We agreed to meet next Saturday after we return home."
“Today, after learning that my mother was home from work early because she had the flu, I stopped at Wal-Mart on the way home from school to buy her a can of soup. There I ran into my father, who was already at the checkout. He paid for 5 cans of soup, a box of cold medicine, disposable wipes, tampons, 4 DVDs of romantic comedies and a bouquet of flowers. My father made me smile."
“Today I was waiting on a table for an elderly couple. The way they looked at each other... it was clear that they loved each other. When the man mentioned that they were celebrating their anniversary, I smiled and said, “Let me guess.” You two have been together for a very, very long time." They laughed and the lady said, "Actually, no. Today is our 5th anniversary. We both outlived our spouses, but fate gave us another chance to experience love."
“Today my grandparents, who were just over 90 years old and who had been married for 72 years, died within an hour of each other.”
"I'm 17 years old, I've been dating my boyfriend Jake for 3 years, and last night was our first time together. We've never done 'this' before, and there wasn't 'this' last night either. Instead, we baked cookies, watched two comedy, laughed, played Xbox and fell asleep in each other's arms, despite my parents' warnings, he acted like nothing less than a gentleman and a best friend!
“Today is exactly 20 years since I risked my life to save a woman who was drowning in the fast flow of the Colorado River. And that’s how I met my wife, the love of my life.”
I want to tell the sad story of my love. My story includes all sorts of details, so if you are too lazy to read, then it’s better not to read... I just want to speak out, not to my friend, to anyone.. but here, now.. just write about it. So...
Once upon a time, almost 4 years ago, I met a guy... We fell in love with each other very much. We just had crazy love. We couldn’t live without each other even a day, he loved me like no one else had loved. I loved him in a way that no one else loved him. We breathed this love, we lived it. We were happy.. we were very happy! There were no halves.. We were one whole! Soon we began to live together. We were always close... I liked to cook for him and even he liked to cook for me.
I never thought that it could happen like this... that it could all be so alive, so real. He was the closest, dearest, only, beloved. Eh... it would take a long time to describe everything that I felt, everything that he felt, everything that we felt together. But you know how it happens... we were together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... every day and we missed each other, despite such closeness we constantly missed us. Over time, you begin to realize that something bright is missing in your life.
You know, when this period of euphoria passes and you are already so accustomed to a person that it seems to you that he will not go anywhere, here he is next to you... this is how it should be, but how could it be otherwise... he has been with you for almost 4 years years, you have become attached to him, very much, too much... and he simply cannot help but be there. And he... he feels the same, he thinks the same. And then you start to hate him... hate him for all sorts of stupid reasons.
Because he sits at the computer, because he watches TV, because he doesn’t give you flowers, because he doesn’t want to go for a walk... and I’m generally afraid to remember money issues. And he... he hated me too. You can’t imagine the most terrible thing is this love that turned into hatred! And now, being alone in this apartment in which we lived for 4 years, only now I understand what nonsense this is, it’s just ridiculous, what have we done, what have we turned us into and where is this happiness?
We broke up a little over 2 months ago. This happened when all this had already become unbearable. When we didn’t see each other all day, we started quarreling right away. Just because of some little things that weren’t worth anything in this life. In the last month of our relationship, it was clear to both of us that this would all end soon. When we sat in the evenings in different corners, each doing his own thing, on his own wavelength, but we had the same atmosphere.
The atmosphere of negativity that filled us, that was already flowing through our veins. I then signed up for dancing in order to somehow distract myself, to diversify my life, and in general I had wanted to for a long time and thought that it was just the right time. And somehow I became very involved in them, that I no longer really cared what was happening between us, that our relationship was dying.
I had a new environment, all our mutual friends became of little interest to me. I was all about dancing. I'm just a fan. And this happens to everyone... you realize that there is no point in anyone anymore when you don’t even try to fix something, when you see that he doesn’t do anything about it either. That he doesn’t care, that he doesn’t give a damn either.
Previously, we somehow tried to fix everything. And then we were simply blown away, and probably both he and I had simply lost our strength... we no longer had the strength or desire to change anything. This moment came... the last straw, his last cry and it was as if I had been hit in the head... so sharply.
I told him we needed to talk. It was my initiative.. I said that I didn’t want anything else, that I wanted to break up... he said that he had been thinking about it for a week. A long conversation, tears, lump, sediment... and nothing more, the next day he moved out. It was hard... yes it was hard. And of course you understand. We broke up, but we still had common problems that we needed to solve. We continued to quarrel, all because of these some kind of problems that are now worth nothing.
Then we started communicating, I just don’t know how, you can’t call them friends, or acquaintances either. He just came sometimes, drank tea, talked about everything. About work, about dancing, about everything but not about us. We were just talking. I found a new job, I had new friends, dancing, I only came home to spend the night. Everything was fine with me and so was he. I no longer suffered and did not want to return to him. He too resigned himself. That's how 2 months passed.
And then a situation happens that killed me, killed me and everything that was left alive in me. His brother calls me and offers to meet and discuss something. I didn’t have any second thoughts, because I communicated normally with his brother and didn’t even notice that he had recently started writing to me on VKontakte very often.
We meet and he starts... - You see, I treat you very well, I don’t like everything that’s happening, I’m afraid that everything will go too far and that’s why I want to tell you everything.. He found someone else. He found her 10 days after you broke up.
“I know it’s unpleasant for you to hear all this now, but I decided that you should know everything.” And he likes her madly, her photo is on his desk, he takes such good care of her... they see each other all the time. And as soon as he told me the first two words—he said something else—it was as if a bomb had exploded in my chest. I cannot adequately describe how painful it was for me. This is very painful. It's cruel. And I broke... I was killed, I was destroyed. I cried in bed for two nights without getting up.
I was killed at work for two days. How bad it was. How this lump pressed me. He just destroyed it. I realized that I still love him, that I cannot live, breathe without this person, that I need him... that he is my everything. And at the same time, I hated him now because he forgot me so quickly and found a replacement. How hard it is to write about this...
And a few days later a friend calls me, she is our mutual friend... and after talking with her. It was as if I had descended to earth. A stone lifted from my soul, although I didn’t fully believe this whole story. She told me that she had a heart-to-heart talk with him. And that this brother of his came up with everything... there is none of this. That he values me and what happened between us. That he really loved me, that he was happy with me and now remembers only good things. Well.. it's always like that..
And he and his brother quarreled very strongly and I don’t know for what purpose, as if to annoy him, he decided to come up with such a story. I don’t know where the truth really is... but I don’t think a guy could fall in love with someone else like that in a week and forget everything that happened between us.
He loved me very much... and was ready to do anything for me. He once saved my life... but I won’t talk about that. I don’t know... really... yes, I felt better after talking with my friend, a little bit easier... but from that moment, after his brother’s call, everything in my life went downhill. It was as if he had destroyed my peace of mind, or... I don’t know what to call it... but I really felt good. I even got used to it without him... it was easy for me. And he broke everything.
And every day after that just killed me. I lost my job, I lost people who were close to me... Everyone around me was cruel to me, everyone accused me of something... every day it just finished me off. And you know... the biggest loss happened very recently, I lost him for the second time, I lost him forever! He will never come back to me...
It was raining, I was heading to the dance... broken, completely killed, destroyed, crushed... I was going to the dance. I didn’t want anything, not to dance, not to see the people I wanted to see all the time... but I knew that now I simply had to go there, through force, through myself... I simply had to go, not think about anything, about anyone , just dance.. dance and nothing more. And I was able... I suppressed everything, all the weakness, I was able... I danced, yes... but for the first time it was so disgusting to me, I wanted to kill everyone who was there, I was sick of everyone, I wanted to run away from there! How so... after all, I can’t live without this anymore... dancing is my everything, but I was disgusted by everything.
And in the locker room I simply couldn’t stand this pressure in my chest, I broke down completely.. I called him, why.. how could I.. I called him and offered to see him... I really needed to talk to him! After all, he is the person to whom I could tell everything, absolutely... I really needed to talk to him.
I wasn't going to return him... I just wanted to talk. It continued to rain... no, it was a terrible downpour... I sat at the bus stop and waited for it. I was waiting for him... and he arrived, he sat down next to me, lit a cigarette and was silent, and I didn’t say anything... and we just sat and were silent for several minutes. I tried to say something, but it was as if I had filled my mouth with water... I didn’t know where to start.
Then he said - will we remain silent? And I immediately felt cruelty... cruelty in his voice, in words, cruelty inside him... cruelty and composure. He continued to say something, and in every word there was dryness and indifference. He said that it was easier for him to live this way, that it was necessary, and that he advised me to do the same. Some kind of horror.
Then I spoke.. I talked and cried for a long time about what was happening in my life.. I could no longer hold on... I was as if defeated, I cried all the time, it was raining and it was getting dark, I didn’t take off my sunglasses... it was already dark and I didn’t take them off... there was terrible pain under them. But he remained cruel and said that there was no need for tears.
And I just started to choke, my head hurt... my whole face was swollen, I probably looked very pitiful... but I didn’t care. And at some point he could no longer hold on and hugged me. He hugged me so tightly, pressed me to himself - what are you doing... everything will be fine, stop it. He hugged me and stroked my hair, and then there was some kind of clouding of my mind. I didn’t want to say it... it wasn’t me anymore. It was simply impossible to stop me!
- “I love you, we can fix everything, we did something stupid... I need you, I need you, I know... you feel bad too, come back to me, we can fix everything, we wanted a wedding, a family, children... You told me I was there for life! Let’s just forgive each other for everything now... and start over with a new leaf, change, do everything to save us!”
When he started talking, I didn’t believe a single word of his - “I’m sorry, yes... I felt bad, I was depressed, I didn’t know how to live... but I suppressed all my feelings, I don’t love you anymore, there’s nothing to save, I do not love you!" I didn’t want to believe it.. I didn’t believe in it.. I didn’t believe that in 2 months you could forget 4 years of relationship! But he continued to say: “I treat you well, I appreciate you as a person, I loved you and was happy with you! And I am grateful to you for this time!”
I couldn’t calm down, he hugged me and said these words... words that destroyed me from the inside, that killed me inside me. Which devoured me and left nothing in me! It doesn’t happen like that... it doesn’t happen like that... he loved me, he loved me very much, he was ready to do anything for me... And now he says: “I don’t feel anything now, I don’t feel anything, I’m sorry, but I’m sincere with you.”
And then there was nothing left in me... I got up and walked... I don’t know where, why, but he followed me and said something else. I remember that he said that he really offended me, and that I probably wouldn’t communicate with him anymore. I remember that he would like to be my friend or not communicate at all, but not be enemies...
And the rain continued to fall, and I didn’t see anything, I walked through the mud through the puddles, and he followed me... I stopped somewhere, he asked me to go home, let him take me, and I just stood there and slowly died... It was death, the real one... I was no longer there. Then I turned around and told him for the last time how much I needed him... and he said “sorry” and left.
He left... just left, leaving me alone in this state, at night, in the rain on the street... alone. How could he? Once he was afraid to let me go two meters into the store at night, he was very afraid for me... and now he left me there and left... without leaving anything behind. I don’t know how long I stood there.. what I felt was death... really... death... I was killed, I’m no longer alive.
For a week I couldn’t move away, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, I gave up on everything... then I was fired from work... I don’t have the strength to dance... I’m not just exhausted from energy, I’m no longer alive. I have no idea how I can come to terms with this and move on. I do not want anything…
I couldn’t understand how he could leave me there alone... after he once saved my life. I couldn't believe it. And I got it into my head... that this cannot be forgiven, that I hate him for this, although in reality... everything is not like that. And yesterday I found out that he followed me all the way to the entrance until he was sure that I had gone home. A friend told me about this, he asked me not to talk about it, but you know.. this is a friend.. and I felt even worse, I was even more drawn to him.. but nothing more will happen.. I died..
fasting is death...
Death. . .
Today I saw “death”... It was real... the most cruel and cold-blooded. The death of something real, something living.. it was a murder... Someone was killed.. maybe it was me.. I don’t know... probably now I’m gone. It's probably not me now. It happens... it happens suddenly, when you don’t expect a blow at all, when you stand firmly on your feet and feel confident, confident in yourself and your abilities! And then just bang... And you no longer feel anything... only sharp pain, muffled by a state of shock and the smell of death.
And then loss of consciousness, clouding of mind... and you try to reconstruct fragments, words, faces... But there is fog in your head, you need to remember something important, but there is fog everywhere... and then it happens that all this gimmick in your head is no longer makes no sense..
Everything has already been decided for you! We decided that you need to forget everything... in that very place, at that very moment, just forget and come to terms with some truth that you don’t even remember. Remain the way you were left in that very place... at that very moment! And there.. just standing there.. you understand that everything has passed, that everything has really passed.. that now no one cares about your safety. And you continue to stand there and kill all the weakness, all the fears, all the pain and all the grievances...
You kill all the feelings in yourself, this whole fucking anomaly... You kill yourself in yourself.. This is probably how we become cruel. But what then, excuse me, is the price of these feelings, which are suppressed by the desire to be cold-blooded?
It was very difficult to tell... it was as if I was going through everything all over again...
Good afternoon everyone. I already wrote a story here in March about my family, I’m no longer asking for advice, now I just need to talk it out. I decided to register. I’m tired of my sister... she infuriates me with her mere presence. I don’t know what to do .There are still 1.5 months left before the birth, I’m trying to restrain myself, but I can’t. Yesterday another scandal broke out... my sister doesn’t want to pay for the apartment, she said that she would solve this issue with her mother, and not with me. Throughout the apartment her hair is lying around... you come out of the bathroom covered in her hair, you take out the washed clothes from the washing machine, again her hair, just her hair on the kitchen table. I told her that she doesn’t live here alone and my hair is not lying around anywhere, she Envy me silently told me that you don’t have such long hair. She still doesn’t clean her apartment, or rather she pretends in front of her mother that she is cleaning, when her mother is at home she is the most ideal and washes the dishes, and washes her things, and prepares food and she washes the floors in her room. And when mom isn’t there, you can’t reach her to wash your clothes, because it already stinks. Yesterday my mom told me to leave my sister alone and not tell her anything, but I can’t do that. I told my mom straight She said that her sister gets everything she wants, and my mother denies herself in many ways because of her. My mother said that she herself will decide who and what to give, and that if she considers it necessary to support her sister, she will support her. And I feel sorry for my mother, until she’s 50 years old I lived, but I didn’t see life, I spent everything on us children. And I’m still spending it. My sister doesn’t help my parents either, my husband dug up the whole garden, helped me prepare firewood, and my own children don’t care about their parents. Even though they don’t allow me anything what to do, if I come, I’ll do the cleaning, then I’ll wash the dishes for everyone, last weekend I weeded the beds, I still can’t leave. It’s very difficult to walk, but I still try to help. June 9 was my dad’s birthday, she managed to do it on the day birthday, ask her father for money. Recently I brought a young man, a 19-year-old boy, to the house. We slept until lunch, so she didn’t even have anything to feed him, I told her where to get food so that she wouldn’t go hungry. She’s been drinking for the last 3 days. About studying in general doesn’t think, she has to do practice and pay for her studies, but that doesn’t matter to her. My mother paid for her studies for 4 years, but now she doesn’t care anymore, it’s all down the drain. My husband says be patient a little longer. But I can’t stand it anymore, I I cry every day now. Why do I have such a relative? It seems to me that if she dies, I won’t even cry. I don’t care about her so much, I don’t care what happens to her. I feel sorry for my mother. It turned out to be a mess in the story, but it’s all about emotions. I don’t know if it really became easier for me or not.
Well, here’s another breakdown... I wake up, and the whole room is incomprehensible... tomorrow is Trinity and everyone is going to the cemetery in the morning, my mother told my sister to bake the pies... the floor is covered in white stains, apparently from yeast, a teapot in dough, jars of salt, spices and bay leaves in dough, a sink in dough, a cutting table in dough, a dining table in white stains, a 12-liter saucepan with water in the sink, the sink is a thin sheet of stainless steel, I don’t understand how the sink withstood it .In general, I’m in shock. I call my mom and ask what the hell. I’m supposed to cook breakfast for my husband and child. Mom calls her sister, she gets up and wipes the floor, and then goes back to bed. The floor dries out and the same again white stains. When I say that she should clean up everything after herself, she tells me to fuck off... and says that these are her problems and that I should not interfere. I silently clean it all up and prepare breakfast. She calls her mother and says: your eldest daughter совсем тупая что ли,я ей сказала чтобы она ничего не мыла,потому что я щас буду стряпать и все будет точно также....аааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааааа....время было 9 часов утра,сейчас время почти 12,а она спит и так She didn’t cook anything, it turns out she was the one who kneaded the dough that way. That’s it....
The right motivation)))
The daughter, 14 years old, categorically did not want to clean the room. I've talked to her so many times and swore to no avail. I got my husband involved. One day at dinner, without taking his eyes off the TV, he said:
Daughter, my mother and I decided that now I will clean your room.
I was just blown away, my daughter couldn’t believe her luck. But the husband has not finished yet and casually continues:
I’ll start tomorrow... I’ll clear your desk, make your bed, organize your closet. I'm sure I won't find anything unusual there.
At this point, my daughter’s face suddenly contorted, and the borscht went right up her nose. She has been keeping the room perfectly clean for a month now. The husband just won’t give up, what an infection, what’s so unusual hidden in his daughter’s room.
Baba Hulk
I'm solving a crossword puzzle. Question: Baba-Khalka is written in two words in a column, 5 letters. I thought for a day, tried everything, already came to my friend with a crossword puzzle, we thought and thought with her, but also didn’t come up with anything. Well, Hulk doesn’t have a 5-letter woman and that’s it! And my friend’s nephew was just visiting, about ten years old, well, we show him the question in the scanword, and he immediately answers us:
What does fireworks have to do with it?
To which the child replied:
Well, what does it have to do with it, it says BabAhalka here!
Guessers
My friend's son is sitting blindfolded. His parents give him various objects and he guesses.
Pencil.
Right.
Right.
Machine.
Right.
Then dad put a sock in his hands, the son thought for a long time, then said:
After thinking a little more, he sniffed and said:
Door handle
My friends' toilet door handle was broken. In fact, there was simply no handle, and instead there was just a square hole in the lock. They kept a spoon in the toilet so that they could insert it into the hole from the inside with the reverse flat end and twist it instead of the handle. Once guests gathered in the apartment, someone went to the toilet, and suddenly a cry in the silence from the toilet:
Where's the spoon?!
Those who were there for the first time laughed for a long time.
Lucky case
Vadik, do you remember how we met by chance?
I remember, I remember, darling...
First we met on the train, we didn’t even write down phone numbers, then I looked for you on VKontakte, but couldn’t find you, and then we accidentally met between couples...
Yes, a happy accident, what can I say...
Let him think that this is an accident. I won’t tell her that on the train I managed to photograph her, find VKontakte, find out her first and last name, go to her department, find out the group and class schedule, and at the right moment I was already standing and smoking on the porch of the academic building when her couple is over...
Let's play horse
We played horse with my son. I rolled it around my neck until my little finger hit the nightstand. This great rider got off me and asked:
Little horse, are you in a lot of pain?
Can't you ride me anymore?
I can not.
It's a pity. We'll have to shoot him.
I love you so much…
Today I spanked my four year old daughter for pampering. After some time, she comes up to me, climbs onto my knees, hugs my cheeks, kisses me on the nose, in the eyes and says to me:
I love you so much…
I've blossomed all over. I’m sitting smiling and then she tells me:
It’s not a shame now that such a little girl loves you so much, and you hit her in the ass, in the ass!
Gild the handle
One friend told me. He was coming home from work, carrying a can of gold spray paint in his bag - he was decorating a stand at work. And then a gypsy woman comes up to him and brazenly demands:
And gild the handle!
Half Terminator
I just went to the cardio center. We hung up a device for daily blood pressure measurement. A cuff on the arm and a motor in the purse. The pressure is measured periodically.
On the way back, some two guys got to the bottom of it - well, like, who is he, where is he from, is there any little things? So we were standing there, talking, the situation was heating up, and then this little motor started humming, pumping up the cuff. I straightened up in surprise and froze (I forgot something about him). These two guys also stared at me in amazement - suddenly it started buzzing and my left arm was pumping up before my eyes! Then the engine stalled and I, in a robotic voice, with a glassy look into nowhere, said:
Combat mode enabled.
HOW THEY FUCKED! THIS IS A MUST SEE! ...
Logical
I remember in my first year, we had a subject - logic, taught by a blonde. And when she asked at the first seminar: “Do you have any questions?” Of course, I valiantly raised my hand and charged: “Is it true that logic and women are incompatible?”
And how did it end?
It ended quite logically: I then went to retake it 8 times.
Good deeds
My wife and I left the store, and there was a very cute kitten on the steps. Wife in a tender voice:
How cute... Let's rip his head off.
People around began to worry and turn around until we took the fish out of the bag.
What's happened?
Yesterday I bought my wife an expensive ring. Just like that, from an excess of feelings. The first thing she asked was: “What happened? Tell me the truth, even the worst one! Stole something? Cheated on me?". Now he’s sitting in the corner, sulking, thinking I’m hiding something. It would be better if I bought her some kind of frying pan!
Present
My mother's colleague was given a vibrator by a friend for her birthday. The intelligent lady thought and thought about where to use it and eventually took it to the dacha, stuck it in the ground - all the moles disappeared!
We argued
We argued with my mother that it was impossible to commit suicide in a mental hospital, like soft walls and all that. I said you could rip out a clump of hair and choke on it! Tomorrow we're going to see a psychiatrist...
The final scene from "The Inspector General"
Recently I decided to go to the left of my wife. I went to my friend's house. Summer, hot... After sex, I went out onto the balcony in my shorts to smoke. On the next balcony stood my mother-in-law and father-in-law: they had come to visit some friends of theirs. The final scene from “The Inspector General” by N.V. Gogol...
Animal lover
Yesterday I went to the Bird Market and saw this picture: a mother drags her son by the hood and shouts:
- ... there are two cats, three dogs in the apartment, what the hell is an eagle?!!!
The scariest thing in the book
I decided to wipe down the bookshelf over the weekend, sort through books, all that, and sent my husband and son for a walk. And suddenly something black falls on me from the books, runs across the carpet and disappears under the sofa! My scream was probably heard in the next block. It turned out, motherfucker, the wheel was from a children's car!
The most original congratulations
In our company, two employees got married on the same day. The HR department, as always, distinguished itself with its intelligence and ingenuity, hanging the most original congratulations at the entrance:
Congratulations to Dmitry and Vladimir on their legal marriage!
Hot pepper?
Yesterday I was at the market, my dad sent for some capsicums. I go up to grandma and ask:
- Hot pepper?
Son, bitter one, take it!
Well, here I ask:
Can I try it?
Yes, sure!
I bite off a small piece... Steam almost came out of my ears, my brain EXPLODED from such bitterness!!! Well, here I think, let me joke, I’ll say that it’s not bitter. I throw it back without showing it, make a stupid face, and say that it’s not bitter. Granny, without thinking for a long time:
How can that be, I tried it myself! - and bites off half and begins to chew...