How deception occurs in love. How to find true love and recognize deception? Signs when things aren't going well in a relationship

How to find your love for life and not be mistaken in your choice - this question haunts many people who are in search of a soul mate.

At the beginning of a relationship, a person is in a state of euphoria, so it is very easy to mislead and deceive him. To avoid serious mistakes, which you will later regret committing, it is worth listening not only to the voice of the heart, but also to the helpful advice that you can glean from authoritative sources.

Infidelity is a heavy blow

Of course, during the period of falling in love, it is very difficult to objectively assess reality, but, nevertheless, try to analyze the events taking place in your life and draw the right conclusions.

If you don't want to be completely disappointed in love and then mourn your tender feelings for the deceiver (or deceiver), do your best not to be deceived.

Of course, you should not go to extremes: unfounded suspicions can offend a person who is not guilty of anything.

According to statistics, the most common reason for quarrels and partings is treason. Learning about a partner's infidelity is a hard blow for a loving person. It is especially difficult for those who let deceivers lead themselves for a long time. Therefore, rather than sitting at a broken trough, it is better to immediately find out if your loved one (or loved one) always tells you the truth.

How do you know if someone is lying to you?

In fact, there are no universal ways to detect lies. Some people, deceiving loved ones, try to make amends by filling their loved ones with gifts, others, on the contrary, pay much less attention to their halves, often staying late at work, etc.

However, there are certain points to pay attention to if you suspect your partner is lying.

Even a small but regular lie can eventually destroy any relationship, and even more so when it comes to the relationship between a man and a woman.

From time to time, almost every woman doubts her man, such is female psychology. But how to understand if these are empty experiences, or there are still reasons to worry? If you are looking for how to understand that a man is lying, then you should definitely pay attention to several important aspects. Having given them a little time, you will definitely be able to answer your question.

How to recognize cheating in a relationship?

Modern psychologists note several aspects, paying attention to which, you can easily recognize a lie or refute it. We will talk about them.

1 aspect. "Vanity movements"

If you are trying to understand that a man is lying, be sure to pay attention to the movements of his hands. Ask your partner if he is hiding something from you and watch.

A person who speaks the truth will answer calmly and confidently, and his hands will be in a calm position.

If a man is hiding something, he will probably constantly fiddle with his buttons, watch, wedding ring or other small details during the conversation. So a man who is deceiving tries to randomly select thoughts, trying not to betray his lies. Involuntary concentration on the hands and vain movements are the first bells that they are lying to you.

2 aspect. Lip biting

Hands are calm - it means that your man is either clean in front of you, or well prepared. So either calm down, or ... look for other signs of how to recognize a lie and understand that you are being lied to. Another proven method will help here. If a man bites his lip during a conversation, it may also indicate that he is not completely sincere with you. This fact is confirmed by psychologists, and if you are interested in how to understand that they are lying to you, you should definitely take note of it.

3 aspect. "Look to the side"

It's easy to remember what children look like reciting a poem at school. Their gaze always leaves somewhere to the side, because in this way they try to remember everything that they managed to learn.

Do you suspect that the man wrote a legend for you? As he speaks, observe how he speaks.

If your eyes jump from corner to corner or freeze on one object, you have reason to think about the honesty of his words.

Such signs of lies are simply impossible not to notice.

4 aspect. "The lie is obvious"

Many people blush instantly when they feel nervous. And if it is not always possible to understand why men lie, then it is quite easy to catch them on this basis. Telling a lie, a man immediately begins to worry that he will be "bored". The body, responding to the same promptly, increases blood flow, and the lie becomes obvious. So you should definitely pay attention to this aspect.

5th aspect. "Diction"

If you want to know how to recognize cheating, pay attention to your man's answers. If he answers not as usual, for example, draws out words, or, on the contrary, speaks too quickly, this may directly indicate deception. By speaking quickly, a man can simply try to get away from revealing conversation, and slow speech helps to come up with another legend on the go. So, by paying attention to the diction of your man, you can recognize lies in a relationship really quickly.

6 aspect. "Response rate"

There is a proven way to understand that a man is lying when talking. Demand immediate answers from him. You don't have to think too long to tell the truth, but a lie will take a minute or two. If there is still a lie in the relationship, you will notice it. A man will constantly draw out words, speak interjections and breathe heavily in an attempt to figure out and choose the answers that are most similar to the truth.

7 aspect. "Compliance with what was said before"

To recognize the lie, ask your man to repeat to you yesterday's reasons for the delay at work or the events of the night before last. If a man speaks the truth, then his answers will agree in everything. When a person cheats, information will constantly change, and it will be very easy to bring him to clean water.

Ask clarifying questions, but do not turn into a sleuth and do not dig too deep trying to get the true answer to the question of why your man is lying.

Moreover, if he is honest with you.

8 aspect. "Manipulation"

When a woman is looking for a way to recognize a deception, and a man begins to understand this, he can use the mass. Statements like: "Don't you believe me?", "How can I deceive you?" Is just a way to induce a sense of guilt in a woman who, upon discovering the signs of a lie, wants to know the truth. Yielding to such manipulations, you are unlikely to be able to find out the truth. If you notice manipulation in the form of such statements, accusations or even aggression, try to ignore them and insist on a frank, but calm conversation.

Take note and take action!

By adopting these first signs of lying in a relationship, you can easily separate the lie from the truth, and understand whether your chosen one is sincere with you or not.

I believe that this is unacceptable, no matter how bitter the truth is, you need to tell your loved one absolutely everything. You should not have secrets from each other, honesty is the main rule on which the whole future life together is built.

This is especially true of love. If you suddenly fell out of love, or fell in love with another person, there is no need to invent anything, hide, and assume that then everything will be formed by itself - this will not happen. By doing this you will torment yourself and others. It seems to me better to immediately dot the i.

Yes, you can say that life is not that simple, and it is not divided into black and white. When making decisions on how to act in a given situation, everyone can be mistaken, to say not what they would like and not what is needed, but admit that they are wrong and correct it as soon as possible by telling the truth, without fear of a negative reaction, this is what should be priority in all.

Deceiving a loved one - I think the most terrible thing that can be done. But each person has their own opinion on this matter, I just want to say that it is really easy to deceive someone who trusts you, but to look him in the eyes after the lie is revealed is not easy. The choice is yours, make no mistake.

P.S. Today a new song is again in the topic of the post: Veronica Rae - And you lied to me.

Define "games"

• Many of us take these games for granted that we don't even recognize them for what they are. We even teach them to our children, who start early to expect to be contained in every way.
• Pretender
  • This is a bad start to many relationships. Either from excitement or from insecurity, this is a person who tries to be someone else in order to get another person's attention.
• Cheating or gift
  • This is also common at the beginning of a relationship.
    • The girl is trying to make the guy jealous so that he can see what a bright star she really is. AND?
    • A man tells his wife that his salary is less than it actually is. Cool.
    • A friend says to three different friends, "You are my very best friend." Oh!
      • They almost always happen to bite you from behind. Mostly not time consuming, but because they are less labor intensive than forming a bond with someone, these tricks are often attractive.
  • Active search for a half
    • It is a syndrome in which one or both in a relationship think they want two or more different things at the same time. For instance:
    • The guy really likes the girl as a person, but they think that he should pursue her for being the queen of the ball.
    • Lisa really likes Jill, but they think Denise will get her __________ (emphasize the right one - the best job, for show, and so on). Oh yeah, and Denise doesn't like Jill, so ...
• Mom vs Dad game
  • Children instinctively know how to do this. The problem arises when we teach children (or each other) that it really works. And some of us never grow out of it! Does the term "two-faced" mean anything?
• A little lie to save
  • You know...
    • “Oh, it doesn't matter; it really doesn't matter. "<вздох>
    • "What he does not know will not harm him."
    • "She really wouldn't mind if she found out, but why take the risk."
  • The reality is that deception is color blind and cannot be small; the lie enters life by itself and never decreases, but only becomes larger.
• Guilt
  • Everyone makes mistakes, but some want to over and over again or take bail for the future. A kind of limbo dance with feelings. How low you can you go?
• Revenge or "the phenomenon You hurt me, so I will hurt you"
  • People can play this game for years until it becomes a habit. And in order to survive, often the other person will resort to the same method. This is one of the most vicious circles that exist.
• Game of names or "let's call it anyhow, but not by its own name."
  • For example:
    • “This is not a lie, it is artifice". Well, we've covered that already, haven't we?
    • "This is not really cheating because I never really said that I would be permanent." Oh really.
    • This is not love, this is attachment.
      • Okay, love is a six-letter word, but it's not nasty or dirty. She is sublime! Don't be fooled by yourself or anyone else about her. (The war is huge, just a 5 letter word, but you haven't heard people everywhere call it "fight"!)
  • Oh mother, relationship with the price tag. Cheating at its worst! It is when:
    • A teenage girl is convinced that she should have sex for love.
    • A colleague / student / friend who is rewarded for communicating to others.
    • The husband is taught that he will receive sexual intercourse (this is again that title game) only if it is correct.
  • If you need this kind of control to ensure fidelity, you are already in trouble.
• Rumor kitchen
  • "You knew Jenny told me, Gina told her, Mike told Craig that ..." Nothing is more devastating to any relationship than this. Stop the rumors completely. Whether it's about you or someone else, take your hand and say, "I'm sorry, I don't need to hear this." This is one of the times when polite manners requireto interrupt the speaker. If it concerns you, go to the source (usually your friend / lover / partner, etc.), get the real information and decide with them.

It is not uncommon for a woman to hide something from her partner, lie, cheat, albeit in trifles. At first glance, it seems to be harmless. For example, conceal the real cost of a dress, boots, hairdressing, etc. More seriously, if you want to go somewhere, communicate with certain people, realize some of your interests, and your husband is against it. Here you already have to be more resourceful, and the circumstances are burdened by the fact that you have to prove something, make excuses if everything does not go as expected.

Many resort to reticence, deception (small or large) in order to simplify communication, maintain peace in relationships, and realize some of their needs. But the fact that deception helps is an illusion that eventually collapses harshly when the truth becomes known. And then you have to face the consequences.

What is hidden in a relationship behind the fact of deception?

Cheating is an indicator of a lack of intimacy, understanding, and trust in your couple's relationship.

"He will not understand me why I need this, it is useless to decide with him, he will reject me in my desire, because I better deceive, hide, hide."

Behind it all worth the fear. And when there is fear, then a person is so constructed that he is forced to defend himself. And in this case, we protect ourselves from the partner - the source of fear - by distance. We just move away from him, contact less, and do not approach much. And the relationship becomes more formal, superficial than deep.

Depth in a relationship is impossible without trust and openness.

Deceiving, you communicate with a person as if from a "false" part of yourself, from a certain created identity. And then, communicating from this position with your partner, especially if there is a lot of it, over time you cease to be interesting to him, because in the mask there is no authenticity, authenticity, respectively, the depth is unattainable. There is no pleasure from contact with a person, there is no unity that fills. The partner moves away, grows cold, intimacy disappears and the relationship begins to slowly collapse.

The person who cheats is forced to be constantly on the alert so that the deception is not revealed, especially if it is a serious deception. This creates tension. And in order to protect himself from the fact that the secret will become apparent, subconsciously chooses less contact with a partner.

Any relationship is possible when closeness is born between two people... And if you are in a relationship, then the intimacy between you was once born as a result of some kind of interaction. There would be no intimacy - there would be no relationship. This is the foundation on which everything rests. But when intimacy begins to decrease, distance appears - this is a signal that the relationship is at risk. And if intimacy, trust and understanding disappear completely, then the relationship ends. Of course, if there is not some benefit that you get, being in this relationship, even if it is not entirely comfortable there. But are you happy with this?

It is good if there is closeness, trust and understanding in other areas of your relationship, because it helps the relationship stick. But still, there is a risk zone that can subsequently develop if you do not pay attention to it!

Often, people resort to deception, to get some benefit or to fulfill some of your needs. And this is also a signal that something is wrong in the relationship, which prevents you from openly declaring your needs and realizing them.

Perhaps you are in the role of a daughter in a relationship, or you often fall into the position of a child when you need to ask, ask for time off, ask permission. The husband is perceived as a big, formidable parent who can punish, reject, if disobeyed. It's easier to hide something from him than to try to explain. But the main "puncture" happens in the fact that just the same, trying to explain or prove that we need it, comes from the role of a little girl who begins to take offense at prohibitions, to be capricious, or from the role of a rebellious teenager. And if the need is significant, then deception is like a way to realize it. This is how children and adolescents deceive their parents when they begin to overwhelm them.

The way out of here is strengthening your inner Adult. An adult cannot be prohibited from something. He can already make decisions and be responsible for his own choices. In addition, if you turn from your adult part to the adult part of your partner, you get a completely different dialogue. Adults communicate through negotiations, it is easier for them to find the necessary arguments to justify their choice and more readiness to understand each other's needs, to give opportunities for their implementation.

Well, maybe being honest and sincere is a challenge. A challenge in terms of going through fear, taking responsibility for your actions, roles in these relationships. It is a challenge to be an adult and to deal with issues, trying to come to a compromise, with the benefit of both parties. It will take courage and determination.