It has been proven that men and women cannot be friends. Psychologist: “There can be no friendship between a man and a woman. Here are some tips from pedagogical periodicals

Culture

Scientists asked male and female "friends" what they really thought and got very different answers.

Judging by the experience of many people, friendship between a man and a woman is not only possible, but also quite common. Representatives of opposite sexes live, work and communicate with each other and at the same time somehow avoid intimate relationships. However, according to scientists, we simply think that we are capable of being “just friends,” although the opportunity to start an affair always remains and can appear at the most inopportune moment.

Scientists from the University of Wisconsin-Auclair recruited 88 pairs of opposite-sex friends to participate in the study. All participants were assured of confidentiality and anonymity to ensure honest responses. In addition, both “friends” had to agree that they would not discuss the study. The couples were separated and each was asked questions regarding their romantic feelings, or lack thereof, towards their friend.

The survey results showed that men and women have different attitudes towards friendships with members of the opposite sex. As it turned out, men were more often attracted to their female friends than vice versa. In addition, men often believed that their girlfriend had the same feelings for them.

In fact, it had nothing to do with how the women felt, who were also greatly mistaken. They were generally not attracted to their male friends and believed that the lack of attraction was mutual.

All this suggests that it is much more difficult for a man to remain in the status of only a friend and they see an opportunity to establish a more intimate relationship in a supposedly platonic friendship.

In another study, 245 adults, including married couples, were asked to list the positive and negative aspects of opposite-sex friendships. At Romantic attraction was five times more likely to be cited as a negative factor than positive. However, again this was more the case for women, while men considered it an advantage.

So can men and women be friends? If you think like a woman, then yes, they can. But if you think from a male point of view, then if there was an opportunity, friendship would easily turn into romance.

Friendship between a man and a woman has a solid foundation in Asian countries and India, where there is a whole ritual when a man and a woman declare themselves brother and sister, while not having a blood relationship. European culture however, he views opposite-sex friendships rather as an exception to the rule. In any case, neither in European literature, nor in the fine arts, nor in religious sources are there sufficient examples to allow us to draw conclusions about the friendship of a man and a woman as a common phenomenon.

However, a survey conducted within one of the European Internet portals showed enough loyal attitude of respondents to the possibility of such relationships. More than five hundred people were interviewed, with an equal ratio of men and women, in three age categories. Despite the fact that among the answers there were also denials of the possibility of friendly relations, there were no more than a third of them in all categories of respondents.

Is it true in older age the ratio changes somewhat - the number of men who accept the possibility of friendly relations with a woman decreases, and, conversely, on the female side there is an increase in the number of supporters of friendship.

It is important to understand what you want from a relationship. Then it will be possible to establish those connections that are comfortable. How to do it? Let's watch the video!

Of course, survey results cannot be considered the ultimate truth, since any survey expresses, first of all, the respondent’s own opinion, based on personal experience. In addition, being involved in friendships does not provide the opportunity to empathize with the feelings of the other party. It is likely that more prosaic (or vice versa romantic?) relationships take place here, when one of the “friends” is hopelessly and unrequitedly in love, and only the imitation of friendly relations allows him to be close to the object of his adoration.

Probability and possibility

Friendship between a man and a woman should be completely exclude sexual desire, which can be difficult to resist, especially for a man, due to his physiological characteristics. This can only mean one thing - if in a relationship there is interest in a friend as a representative of the opposite sex, then it is no longer correct to talk about friendship.

Friendships are most likely between classmates and childhood friends. As it was said in one of the popular TV shows, sitting on potties together will be an excellent inoculation against love. However, even in this case, an imbalance in the relationship is possible, of which the partner may not be aware.

Can't stand criticism friendship between a married man and a married woman, at least among the average spouse, it is unlikely that such relationships will be pleasant for the other halves. Most likely, attempts will be made to end such a friendship.

The psychology of such different creatures as men and women does not allow them to build friendly relationships similar to same-sex friendships. However, even if on the one hand there are elements of falling in love, this not only should not interfere with the relationship, but can also be characterized as a specific feature of opposite-sex friendship.

For many people, friendship between women seems to be just a myth that you want to believe in, but it is difficult to trust.

Friendships are based on trust. And the fact of trust of one representative of the sex in relation to another woman is very often called into question for the simple reason that every woman feels in any other woman more of a rival than someone who can be trusted with her happiness, secrets and fears.
All this can only be entrusted to a friend.

Communicating with people, maintaining a conversation, showing your goodwill, evoking reciprocal gratitude, does not mean that there are only friends around.
But women have friends, no matter how good a woman’s relationship with a man is, representatives of the fair sex still prefer to share their girlish secrets with their friends.

This fact is a powerful argument that female friendship takes place.

After all, it is with a girlfriend that you can talk about anything, discuss intimate topics, male strengths and weaknesses. Only a friend will honestly put all your dreams in order, help you take off your rose-colored glasses, she will offer her feminine shoulder in a friendly manner, into which you can honestly cry. A friend will let you wear your favorite dress and shoes on a date, help you apply makeup and do your hair, and will expertly tell you how to behave correctly on the first date and what you can allow on the second.

Regardless of how many years women have been friends and what age they are, a friend is allowed a lot. Sometimes even the husband begins to realize that his wife’s friend is a full-fledged member of the family and is directly involved in resolving important issues. Even the wife’s friend decides that it’s time to have children or a lover. In fact, there are a lot of such moments associated with a friend.

Therefore, there should be no doubt about the existence of friendship between women. But is everything so simple and clear? After all, not every girlfriend is a true true friend; many only pretend to be so.

How can you tell if a friend is a friend?

1. A true friend, when providing help, does not expect gratitude and does not benefit from the current situation. She will not reproach her for having once helped. But it is worth remembering that, like any normal person, providing a service implies a reciprocal step if necessary. After all, considering herself a friend, she hopes for mutual friendly relations.
2. A true friend will not focus on the help provided, nor will she mention the inconveniences she experienced while providing support. This indicates selflessness on her part.
3. A true friend will not savor with other people the unpleasant facts from the life of a woman with whom she maintains sincere friendly relations.
4. A very significant advantage for a true friend is that she will never interfere in the relationship of a girl she considers her friend with a man. She will not act as a rival.
5. All criticism coming from a friend is constructive. A friend won't say bad things just because she feels like it. She will certainly bring arguments to an unpleasant fact, but at the same time she will provide the opportunity to independently make an important decision without pressuring her with her authoritative opinion.
6. A true friend will always support you in a difficult situation, join in a dispute if the forces with the enemy are not equal, or try to help find a solution that will allow you to get out of an unpleasant situation with fewer losses. After all, when you’re with a friend, you’re not afraid to lose.

In friendships between women, it is important to remember that not only a friend should always be faithful and sincere, but also that this same friend deserves a friendly attitude.

The question of whether friendship is possible between persons of the opposite sex has always been a subject of heated debate. As a result, two camps have formed, one of which is convinced that such relationships exist, and the other opposes them, arguing that this friendship also has feelings. In fact, the answer is obvious and it lies in the very structure of men and women and their perception of the world. Psychologists will help you figure this out.

Psychologists say that a free woman, even in her subconscious, is always in search of a life partner. When she meets a man with whom she simply agrees to be friends, she continues to look for in him what she ultimately wants to see in her future chosen one. And, as a rule, it is not difficult for her to find features that attract her. Surprisingly, he suddenly turns out to be understanding, attentive, patient and empathetic. He always has time to listen to his girlfriend, he tolerates her whims, and considers her shortcomings as cute quirks.

All this undoubtedly captivates a woman. She likes this attitude. She gets used to his presence in her life and sees him as a reliable support. However, she does not realize that often all this happens not because her friend turned out to be the ideal man. He is like this because he has no serious obligations to her. Such a man often behaves differently when he starts dating a girl. Then, everything that happens to her is directly related to him, which cannot but affect him.

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At a time when women’s place was around the fire, and men’s place was on the hunt, communication between the sexes was limited to exclusively romantic relationships. Today we go through life with more friends of different genders than in any previous generation. So how do you decide which of these relationships are truly friendships?

I asked friends, colleagues and patients if a man and a woman could be just friends. “Yes, of course,” replied 33-year-old programmer Henry. “It’s not only possible, it’s something special.” But it's difficult if you find each other physically attractive. If not, there won’t be any problems.”

My student from New York, Karl, saw Joanna on the street on the day of the September 11 tragedy. She looked in horror at the burning twin towers. “I went over and hugged her, right there and then,” Karl recalls. “I think I did it because at that moment, in the fear and chaos that reigned around, it was the only way to find a connection with life... Joanna and I became friends, but I soon realized that I wanted more. Unfortunately, she didn't want to."

The absence of physical attraction in one person makes friendship possible and love impossible.

This is one of those difficult moments when the lack of physical attraction makes friendship possible and love impossible. But the secrets of attraction don't work in tandem. One wants more, the other doesn't. For Carl and Joanna's relationship to truly become friendly, Carl had to accept Joanna's lack of sexual interest as a gift, not as a refusal. It took time and trust. Joanna had to be sure that he was not pretending that everything was really all right and that Karl would not take advantage of her weakness when she just wanted warmth and only he would be nearby. They succeeded.

Now Joanna describes their relationship as deeper, more related. They are together physically, but it is comfortable and safe. “We hug each other like family,” she says, “not with passion, but with care.” Carl agrees: “I love her like a sister—it’s a unique friendship that I can’t have with a man.”

I have male friends whom I have known since school. Lovers came and went, but friends are still there. I never had any romantic feelings for them. Over the years, we've played many roles for each other: buddies, career counselors, secret keepers, and even alibis for each other. We advised each other on what to wear, what to say and do in difficult moments, we were there during the funerals of loved ones and when our marriages fell apart. And this is amazing. “We give ourselves much more in friendship than in love relationships,” says my friend Liana. “I am much more kind, sweeter, and more responsive to my friends than to my husband.”

Is this true for everyone? We may fall in love suddenly, while friendship develops gradually, we show care and tolerance. We leave the best in us to our friends and often treat our partners horribly.

“For a man, being friends with a woman opens up the opportunity to share his vulnerability, which is much more difficult to do in male friendships.”

In a man-woman friendship, we must constantly test the strength of boundaries. When one of us gets a partner, we ask questions: “Should I tell my partners about what is happening between me and a male (female) friend?”, “Do we have the right to date alone ( without a partner), or now there must definitely be more of us (each with his own pair)?”

Jealousy of partners is the reason why many are sure that friendship between a man and a woman is impossible. But I am convinced that the key to solving the problem is trust!

In a study published in the Journal of Personal and Social Relationships, 1 Linda Sapadin surveyed 156 men and women about what they liked and didn't like about opposite-sex friendships. Topping the list of women's dislikes was sexual tension. However, men believe that sexual attraction is the main reason for the beginning of a friendship between a man and a woman and that it can even make the friendship deeper.

My patient Michelle recently went through a difficult divorce. Her friends supported her and gave her advice like: “Tell him that you won’t let him take advantage of you... don’t feel sorry for him,” etc. They over-identified with her, and although they wholeheartedly wanted to help, sometimes their advice turned out to be harmful.

Michelle notes the male friend's ability to listen "from a safe distance." “My friend Joe is not trying to be me. He can be objective,” she says.

Men are also interested in friendships with women for many reasons. But the main thing is the opportunity to talk about your vulnerability, which is much more difficult to do in male friendships. Women allow them to open up and communicate their feelings.

I believe that we are blessed with the ability to weave many types of relationships with men, but for me, friendship between a man and a woman is a unique thread that should be highly valued.

Esther Perel is a psychotherapist who specializes in cultural and social stereotypes that affect couple relationships. Her website is estherperel.com.

1 L. A. Sapadin, Journal of Social And Personal Relationships, 2014.