How to determine what a mistress. Gadgets with suspicious data. Implicit signs of treason

20.10.2019

14 030 0 Hello! In this article we will tell you about what to do if your husband has a mistress. Many married couples face cheating. The news of the betrayal of a spouse often becomes unexpected and knocks the ground out from under his feet. So what's now? Forgive or get divorced?

How to find out if a husband has a mistress

Finding out that a man has another is not difficult for most ladies. Something, but intuition and flair for rivals in women are developed by nature. The feeling that something is wrong does not give rest, the soul requires proof or immediate refutation.

To convict a spouse of treason, many go to humiliating things: follow him, secretly check phones, social networks, read correspondence, climb into pockets and bags... You should not stoop so low and lose your own dignity in order to confirm your suspicions and prove you are right. It is often enough to simply be considerate and take the position of an impartial observer.

Signs of a husband's mistress:

The spouse began to often stay late at work, go on long business trips.
Hides the phone.
Change passwords on pages of social networks, set a password on the phone.
The faithful suddenly became more careful about their appearance, choosing their clothes and looking after themselves.
The relationship between you has changed. The beloved no longer shows interest in you sexually. Yes, and in communication you have moved away, stopped talking, sharing intimate.
There is less money, no longer enough even for basic needs. This is especially suspicious if the man began to work harder at the same time.
The man began to spend more time with friends, although before that he did not burn with love for friendly gatherings.
The husband increasingly ignores your calls, does not pick up the phone, does not answer SMS.
Scandals over trifles took part in the family.
The man is constantly annoyed with you.
Frequent sms.
Stealth.
Evidence: traces of lipstick on clothes, the scent of women's perfume, items of clothing and various women's trinkets in his car, etc.
Strange phone calls during which the man is unnaturally restrained or leaves the room.
Groundless jealousy. Traitors often project their behavior onto their spouses and become jealous for no reason.
Excuses are out of place. If a man begins to ignore serious remarks about himself, but at the same time begins to make excuses for any naive joke or statement, he subconsciously feels guilty and tries to convince his wife of his innocence.

Of course, one of these signs is not irrefutable evidence of treason, but the combination of two or more items on this list may already reasonably alert.

You may be wrong

In most cases, women's intuition does not fail, but sometimes a man receives charges of cheating undeservedly. It is doubly upsetting to be a suspect when you did not even think about exploits on the side. To avoid an awkward situation and not offend your beloved husband, eliminate the possibility of a mistake.

As you can see, suspicious behavior is not always a sign of outside connections.

Reasons for male infidelity

The reasons for male infidelity can be very diverse and this is not always sexual dissatisfaction. Often men are looking for precisely spiritual intimacy and unconditional love, a woman who will allow herself to take care of herself will give joy and smiles in return.

All reasons for cheating can be divided into two main groups:

The man is dissatisfied with the relationship;
He is constantly looking for new emotions on the side and, in principle, he does not care about his woman or his relationship.

In the second case, everything is clear. Is it worth wasting time with a man who does not love you and will constantly cheat on you, whatever you do to maintain the relationship? Of course not!

The other case is much more complicated. First of all, you need to understand what the real motive for betrayal is.

What is your relationship?

Ask yourself as many questions as possible.
What is the relationship between you?
That care and love or indifference and cohabitation prevail in them?
Maybe you have already become just neighbors and strangers for a long time?
Do you have common hobbies and interests?
Is there something that binds you, and if so, what exactly?
Has the degree of closeness between you changed? Is there passion?
Do you often quarrel?

Supplement this list of questions with others and answer them in more detail. This will help you understand what is happening in the relationship and whether it makes sense to restore the marriage.

Have you changed?

Answer your question honestly: have you changed? Of course, age takes its toll, but do you take care of yourself as before, do you dress beautifully, watch your makeup and hair, do you devote time to yourself? Men love with their eyes. And this does not always mean that you have to be a flawless beauty, but you must always take care of yourself and love yourself.

In addition to external changes, unpleasant changes in the inner world can also alienate a man: complexes, fears, feelings of guilt. Any partner will be driven to despair by a woman who refuses intimacy because of complexes, or a spouse who puts her husband at the center of her life and does not notice anything but him, or, on the contrary, a confident careerist who does not pay any attention to a man, or is aggressive a shrew who always complains and gives instructions.

Man's lifestyle

Sometimes it is not new bright feelings that push a man to cheat, but his personal self-doubt. He starts sexual relations in order to prove to himself his masculinity and sexuality. It may sound strange, but in such a situation, he may even sincerely love his spouse, and perceive his mistress as temporary entertainment.

The relationship is over

Sometimes cheating makes you realize that it's over. Feelings are no more, and everything that connects is nothing more than a habit, joint obligations and mutual convenience. Such a couple may even have joint plans for the future and outwardly everything will look quiet and calm. Just neighbors with no feelings.

In such a situation, the appearance of a mistress is a natural expected fact.

How to behave if your husband has a mistress

And now the fact of treason is confirmed: the husband went to his mistress, was caught in the act, or confessed himself.

Do not accumulate emotions in yourself, cry. Better to take time out and get out of the house for an unknown period. So you and your spouse will give the opportunity to evaluate his act and you will pay off yourself and think about what to do next.

After the first flurry of emotions has passed, ask yourself the question: how do I want the situation to be resolved?

I want to save my family and forgive my husband;
I can never forgive my husband.

Based on your answer, make a decision and stick to it. Throwing from side to side will deprive you of mental balance, if not even physical health.

In addition to divorce and family preservation, there is also a third option: life in a triangle. In this case, you take a passive position and wait for a decision from a man. In the meantime, everyone suffers: you, the husband, who, for the most part, is tormented by a sense of guilt, the children, the mistress. A man often cannot make a decision and even a child from a mistress is not able to force him to leave his former family.

By the time the situation resolves itself, all participants in the triangle will acquire a whole list of diseases, children will grow up without an example of a happy family and a healthy understanding of family values. This position is very humiliating for women and speaks only of low self-esteem and lack of self-love. The husband, if he is there, will be only as a physical body. Do you need it?

For women who have experienced cheating, psychologists give the following advice:

Take it with dignity!
As impracticable as it may seem, but first of all - try to keep your cool. After all, revenge is a dish that is served cold. Therefore, remember once and for all: you will never achieve anything with tantrums. Some insecure ladies, on the other hand, sacrificially accept all responsibility for what happened. But this is one of the most common mistakes, because both are always to blame: both the husband and the wife.
Assess the situation as much as possible, understand what the problem is;
Take care of yourself. It's time to start fulfilling your desires, realize yourself in your career, find your favorite business, pamper yourself with travel, shopping or pleasant procedures;
Let go of the situation. Tears, tantrums and sentimental conversations will not return your husband, but your calmness, detachment and self-interest may well awaken in the traitor a desire to return;
Step back. If possible, live separately, go on a trip, visit relatives, rent an apartment;
Understand your own feelings and desires;
If you are wondering "What's wrong with me?", Contact a psychologist. Perhaps in this situation there is part of your fault, but the man is also to blame for what happened;
Don't wait for your husband to make a decision or return home.
We are solving the issue with finances, so do not panic!
If the husband goes to his mistress, leaving you without a livelihood then it says a lot about a man. You, of course, no matter how difficult it is, you will get out of this test, but can you respect the person who deliberately went to such meanness? This is unlikely.

For you, this situation is the best opportunity to prove your own worthiness to both your ex-spouse and your parents. You need not give up and suffer while waiting for someone to take pity on you, but draw up a clear step-by-step plan of action and not deviate from it.

Even if it suddenly happened that you got married too early and did not have time to get any profession, in any case you have some talents or elementary skills. Do not be afraid to take on any job: as soon as you prove yourself, your career will immediately take off.

And even for mothers on maternity leave, not everything is so scary.

First, you are legally entitled to claim child support for a common child.
Secondly, now thanks. The main thing is to believe in yourself, and then everything will definitely work out.

And even though they are assured that you cannot enter the same river twice, that you cannot glue a broken vase, we are ready to argue with these "age-old" truths. On the contrary, those families who managed to move from the state of the Cold War to the stage of constructive dialogue became even happier than in the first months of married life. And all because the ability to admit one's mistakes and correct them is the position of adults and sane people.

In general, according to statistics, only 5% of husbands leave their families, and then only when they decide to create a new family. But can this be considered a consolation? Are you ready to put up with the fact that there will be a “third extra” next to you? It all depends on how to prioritize correctly. But if love is still alive, it is worth fighting for. Is always.

Distance yourself from the man. The first two weeks will be the most difficult, but within a month and a half, the mental pain will begin to dull and life will begin to improve. If, of course, you yourself want to get rid of the pain and start living life to the fullest.

What absolutely should not be done

Psychologists have also compiled a list of some of the taboos in behavior that can only make the situation worse. Not worth it:

Make a scandal, constantly cry;
Behave like a nervous hysterical: rummaging through things, maniacally tracking down her husband, etc.;
Throwing his things from the balcony or into the staircase;
To take revenge on a man and have lovers (sex without feelings will devastate you even more);
To take revenge on his mistress;
Blame yourself for everything;
Constantly blaming the husband;
To scoff at the tastes of the husband and his mistress;
Discuss the situation with friends and relatives.

Such behavior will only alienate the man from you and completely destroy the relationship.

Is it worth forgiving a traitor

Should you forgive your husband after infidelity? Each woman must decide for herself whether such a betrayal is forgivable for her and, most importantly, whether she can truly forgive her man from the heart. After all, even if you stifle the resentment in yourself, you outwardly show concern and pretend that nothing happened, you still will not be able to trust your husband. This means that a happy, strong relationship will no longer work.

In addition, consider whether it is worth keeping with you a person who has already betrayed you once? And why do you need a man who is unhappy with you, and you with him?

How to resurrect love

If you realize that you are ready to forgive a man with all your heart, the following tips will help you to restore the relationship and awaken love:

Start remembering... Think back to your first date, kiss, night. Visit your favorite places with so much to do.
Pay a lot of attention to yourself. Become again, do what you love. New fans will only spur the feelings of her husband.
Go in for sports... And it's not about the figure at all. Exercise is very beneficial for your health, both physical and mental.
Show your husband... Show that you still want him as a man.
Praise your spouse for small and big victories.
Ask your husband for help, ask for advice, show that you need him.

Cheating is a difficult test. But do not forget that everything in life happens for the best.

Useful articles:

We are all owners, such is the male nature. We are ready to stand up for our own, fight to the last. A man is a breadwinner, protector, leader, the well-being of the whole flock and his personal status depend on his vigilance, the stamina of which. Therefore, we are prone to jealousy is often in vain. The very thought of infidelity causes anger, anger, can knock you off balance. But how to determine whether there was treason or is it our speculation, fears?

You should not re-read the forums in search of confirmation of your own concerns. Remember the proverb: "The eyes are big in fear"? Don't screw yourself up. To succumb to emotions, random impulses and, when the slightest difficulty arises, to roll up scandals, tantrums - the sphere of women. Take a deep breath, exhale slowly. Let's think logically.

A typical story. She is beautiful, cheerful, sociable, we live normally. I love, I care, I do business, I help around the house, I provide for my family, I give compliments, what is she missing? I feel it is moving away, is constantly in my thoughts, has grown cold, has repeatedly lingered at work, then in a friend ... There are understandable suspicions, distrust. How do you know what caused the change in behavior?

According to statistics, only 25% of girls cheat on regular partners, while 75% of guys have such a sin. This means that suspicions in most cases are completely groundless.

Often conducts incomprehensible correspondence. Especially if then he erases messages, browsing history in the browser, sets passwords, tries to avoid handing over the phone to your hands, strains a lot, worries if this happens. Doesn't leave gadgets unattended, carries it with you everywhere, including the shower. He leaves the room during a conversation, drops the call, whispers, covers the phone with his hand, answers with short phrases like “Yes, I understand”, “No, we'll figure it out.” Doesn't tell you the truth about the other person. The subscriber is signed by a woman's name, but the style of the conversation shows that the conversation was with a guy. Perhaps he is just preparing a surprise for you or does not want to load with work problems, but it's worth checking. Try to talk frankly, calmly discuss the situation, explain yourself. If she has something to hide, you will notice it.
Constant delays, delays. It is especially suspicious if this has not been noticed before. In addition, she returns with the smell of alcohol, disheveled hair, although she did styling all morning. When she explains the delay, she speaks with a tongue twister, confusedly, strongly gesticulates, or, conversely, slowed down, using full sentences, as if she was preparing in advance. A running glance, excitement, an attempt to avoid a direct answer, change the topic of conversation are suspicious symptoms.
She is noticed in the company of unfamiliar men during a walk, over a cup of coffee in a cafe. Perhaps this is true her former classmate, whom she has not seen for ten years, but it is necessary to check whether his wife has a connection on the side.
She hides where and why she is going, although she is usually chatty, overly sociable. He tries to get off with standard phrases, to avoid a direct answer.
Sharp cooling. He does not talk about love, does not show feelings, sex becomes a rarity. Has ceased to be interested in your affairs. It is suspicious if, for no apparent reason, a lady suddenly begins to fuss around, faithfully look into the eyes, perhaps she is gnawing at a feeling of guilt. Unusual sexual impulses, experiments. It may well be that the lady is trying to diversify her life, avoid the commonplace, and all evening she was looking for interesting "hot things to surprise her husband" on the Internet. You can also assume that the wife has an "inspirer".
I started talking about divorce. Often a similar theme slips through during fights. A clear symptom of the crisis in your union. Offer to visit a family counselor together.
Pays too much attention to his own appearance. Suddenly she became interested in sports, changed her clothing style, hairstyle, hair color, makeup, and went on a diet. You notice expensive things, bought too expensive, although the family budget has not changed.
Found her profile on a dating site. This is a signal, a woman is trying to compensate for the lack of attention, communication with her husband, resorting to virtual flirting with strangers or looking for a more suitable match. Regardless of the circumstances, such a situation requires discussion, clarification of the motives of the act. Sometimes such problems are solved by revising views on family life. Ask her out on a date, even if you've lived together for over ten years. Romance, flirting, new surroundings will add peppercorn to everyday life, help to get closer, to open new facets of the second half.

How to check the fidelity of the second half?

Option 1. Unscheduled business trip. Wait out a couple of days at the hotel, watching your spouse, or seek help from a private detective. Better to choose a weekend to give her freedom of action. If your wife has a lover, she will definitely take advantage of your absence.

Option 2. Set up surveillance using a hidden camera. Get away for a while, for example, go on a "night fishing".

Option 3. Spend all your free time with your wife, communicate, accompany you on shopping, arrange walks, romantic evenings, turn on your imagination, be unpredictable, interesting. If the suspicions are in vain, the common pastime will only benefit the marriage. A bad sign is attempts to slip away under any pretext, to avoid your company, excitement, nervousness. So there is something to hide. Perhaps a spare jack is on the horizon for a love card game.

Psychologists say that the reasons for even the infidelity of young ladies are fundamentally different from those of men.

Why is it wrong?

Passion. Sudden, merciless. A woman forgets about everything, is ready to abandon the family, the usual way of life for the sake of a dubious twinkle. Feelings of dissatisfaction, irritability, a desire to break off old ties, or, conversely, a deep sense of guilt, are exacerbated.
Retribution. Pay back for rudeness, disrespect, or treason with the same coin. As they say, in spite of the enemies I will sell a goat so that the children do not drink milk. Let the scoundrel know how painful it is. It is inherent in inexperienced young individuals, as well as individuals with low self-esteem.
Fallback option. Especially unpleasant. Every man strives to be the first, the main thing for the lady. The prospect of constant rivalry may amuse the fair sex, but it will not arouse much enthusiasm in the spouse.
Compensation. Compensation for the lack and a subconscious attempt to cause jealousy, to attract attention.
Sex. Banal lust, the search for new sensations that, for some reason, cannot be realized in a marital relationship.
Boredom. A thirst for experimentation, variety, change in life, plus an excess of free time.
Increasing importance in one's own eyes. Often, in the heat of a quarrel, we admit reproaches like "Who needs you besides me?" Sound familiar? Lowered self-esteem, desire to assert itself, plays a bad joke, pushing a woman to test the truth of this statement in practice.

Factors that contribute to cheating

Let's list the factors for the appearance of communication on the side:

Prolonged absence of a spouse. A classic theme for jokes: "My husband is returning from a business trip ..."
Alcohol intoxication
A holiday romance
Frequent family conflicts, dissatisfaction with marriage. The illusion of an easy way to satisfy one's own needs, to get what is missing in a marriage, an attempt to get away from problems.

Do not forget that a strong alliance is built on trust, mutual understanding, willingness to help, support in difficult times. Excessive unreasonable jealousy will only offend the beloved. Be sincere with each other.

According to world statistics, the largest part of divorces occurs in the first 5 years of marriage (about a third). Among the reasons one of the most "popular" at all times is the infidelity of one of the spouses. In the world, it is in third place, in the CIS countries - in second. Most often, women file for divorce - about 70% of cases ...

Such rather disappointing data suggest that the problem of marital infidelity remains relevant. Who among those in a relationship has never thought about whether a partner has found someone else? Didn't want to know if a husband or wife had a mistress?

Of course, women often ask this question. This is due to their psychological characteristics (greater vulnerability, emotionality, developed intuition) or with the stereotype already accepted in society that all men are polygamous - it is difficult to give an exact answer. One thing is certain - suspicion, excessive jealousy, dissatisfaction with the relationship in general do not strengthen the marriage.

So how do you know if your husband has a mistress? And is it worth it to be at all lost in conjecture? More on this later.

Implicit signs of treason

Feelings of jealousy can sometimes overwhelm a person. And it is not surprising - self-doubt, changes in the usual way of life (a decrease in the intensity of feelings, romance) - there are a lot of reasons. Moreover, the familiar "evidence", which, in the opinion of many people, testifies to the infidelity of a spouse. But you need to understand everything carefully and try to draw conclusions based on logic, and not just emotions.

A man begins to be more careful about his appearance. The ambiguity of this statement is that such behavior may not be directly related to treason. For example, he was reprimanded at work about the neatness of his clothes. Or he signed up for the gym because he wants to keep himself in shape primarily for his wife.
Delays late at work. Hand-in-hand, business trips and other corporate moments are possible for anyone, not only for a cheater. This does not answer the question of how to find out if a husband has a mistress at work.
Talking on the phone at home in a secluded place. Perhaps it is not very wise to make an appointment with your mistress behind a closed bathroom door, if you can do it on the street, in a store, etc.?
Decreased sexual appetite for the husband. There can also be many reasons for this - from fatigue at work to natural crisis moments in married life (by the way, the first crisis occurs already in the first year of marriage).

When should you be on your guard?

All these signs by themselves do not give 100% confidence in the husband's infidelity. But some specifying details may speak of adultery.

Appearance. Buying new, more expensive underwear, a more thorough attitude to hygiene (especially before leaving the house), foreign objects or gifts, the absence of a ring on the finger.
Protection from spouses of technical items (carrying a phone with you, new passwords on previously available social networks, etc.). And a clear sign is a change in the number or location of condoms (bag, pockets).
Psychological and social signs: shifting gaze, secrecy, lack of interest in the life of the family, money unknown to the wife (for example, according to the sales receipts found, you can find out whether the husband's mistress eats candy or prefers flowers).

It happens that such actions are not observed, and the premonition of infidelity does not leave. There is a way to find out if a husband has a mistress - fortune-telling.

and cups

Of course, such measures are suitable for courageous women and those whose attempts at a confidential dialogue with their husbands have failed.

For this fortune-telling, it is necessary to purchase two small candles in the church, and in the store - a new cup. On one of the days named in the feminine gender (Wednesday, Friday, Saturday), at midnight you need to spread some unwashed item from your husband's wardrobe on the floor. For example, a shirt.

A cup of the wife and a new one, just bought, is placed on top. Candles must be placed in them and set on fire.

While they are burning, it is worth mentally addressing your husband, remembering him. If the candle in the wife's cup burned out or went out first, then the assumptions are not in vain. If in a new cup, you should exhale with relief.

Such fortune telling is carried out alone.

Fortune telling on candles in a candlestick

There is another variation of fortune telling, on candles in a circle. To do this, you only need candles purchased in the church and two candlesticks (you can buy there).

This time the fortune-telling is carried out at dawn on Sunday. The girl should not be wearing makeup, without jewelry and with her hair down.

It is necessary to put candles in candlesticks on the floor, circle them with chalk in a circle. Next, you need to light the candles (with your left hand), having previously named one by your name, and the second by the name of your husband. The spouse's name must be ecclesiastical (the one with whom he is baptized).

While the candles are burning, you need to mentally ask them to say if the spouse (call his name) has a mistress. If the wife's candle burns out or goes out, most likely the husband has a woman on the side. If your spouse's candle burns out, don't worry about it.

Divination by candle and water

Another way to find out if a husband has a mistress is fortune-telling with a candle and more often with water.

To do this, one candle is set on fire, they wait a few minutes until melted wax appears. Then it is poured into a thicket with cold water and they see what figure is formed. If you get a picture similar to a female figure, this indicates that the husband has a mistress.

Divination on holy water

Another fortune-telling will help to answer the question of how to find out if a husband has a mistress with the help of holy water. He needs a glass of water consecrated in the church, a tablespoon of salt, A4 paper and matches.

On a piece of paper you need to write the word "mistress" and set it on fire. Along with this, dip the salt into the water and start stirring. If the paper burns longer than the salt dissolves in water, then you can be calm about your family. Of course, in this case you need to focus all your attention and thoughts on the tormenting problem.

Fortune telling by coins

Another fortune-telling, where holy water is used, is able to answer how to find out if the husband has a mistress. In addition to it, there are 4 coins of different denominations, milk and red wine.

The coins are placed in a bowl of water. Then, in another container, wine and milk are mixed in proportions 1: 1. Take the coins out of the water, put them in a mixture of water and milk and leave for 4 hours. After this time, one coin is taken out by hand. Its face value indicates the strength of the spouse's feelings towards his wife. If this is the smallest coin - most likely, the husband gives his feelings to another woman. Ideally, the largest coin at face value testifies to a strong affection for the wife.

In conclusion

A woman who suspects her chosen one of treason no longer feels happy. Suspicion, manipulation, a constant feeling of comparing oneself with others, thoughts of the same type wandering around one - how to find out if a husband has a mistress - not the most pleasant list of how difficult it is for a wife during this period.

And it is even more difficult to take a critical look at the situation in the family and yourself. Of course, the ability to cheat is not the best quality in a person. But what led him to this? Your own lack of fulfillment and the desire to assert yourself through the conquest of other women? Or is it still an unfavorable situation at home, because of which he runs away to someone else?

Research shows that men prefer women who are confident, self-loving, and have interests and hobbies. They are attracted by brightness and mystery. So why not start working on your own self-esteem, learn to love yourself, do what you like, enjoy every day? As soon as a woman's life is filled with his own goals and meaning, a man cannot and will not want to leave her for someone else.

This story is about sadness and hope at the same time. About a state on the brink - on the one hand, despair and the collapse of everything, on the other hand - victory and happiness for everyone. This is exactly how a woman feels, to whom her husband returned after "intrigue on the side." He says: "That's it, there is definitely nothing else there." And you do not understand how to find out if your husband has parted with his mistress completely, can you trust him?

They asked me: " Write how to figure it out, all or not all?"I answer honestly - you can't figure it out. Neither the psychologist, nor you (that is, the wife), nor the husband himself will figure it out. I'm being honest now.

The psychologist will not understand, because the man's head, although logical, does not have buttons, indicators and toggle switches inside, by which it would be possible to accurately determine the processes taking place.

The man will not understand, because he is now being thrown from side to side. He doubts everything. But - he is saved by logic. We'll talk about this later.

The wife will not understand, because it is very painful. The pain of betrayal overshadows all other feelings and thoughts. One has only to try to believe in the promises - and the moments when you learned the terrible truth come to mind again. I want to believe - and I can't. Let someone prove that everything will be fine now! With evidence, as I said, everything is very dull.

Oh, how I wish that in the seconds before the fact of infidelity, when a thought appears in the head of a man or woman: “ Why not? It won't get any worse!", A huge neon sign would light up in the air:" It will definitely be worse !!!»

Let's move from lyrics to practice.

Who knows whether the husband broke up with his mistress or not?

Surprise, dear ladies! The most chances to figure out whether the relationship on the side has really ended is not with the husband, not with the psychologist - but with you!

Because:

You still know this man very well.

And do not tell me that he managed to cheat on you, and you did not see. Yes, your behavior is full of mistakes that influenced your husband. But NOBODY knows him better than you. As one client of mine said: “ Even if he is a goat, but MY! "

He came to you, he chose you.

Even if there was something on the side, if he cheated and played tricks, he still came here, to you. Why why? Because the relationship with you is dear to him. He appreciates them, he strains for them. Even just say: "I want to be with you!" - this is already a step. I understand that everything is bubbling with you now. It is the bubbling in your soul that prevents you from believing. Therefore, by the way, at the consultation, we first let all the emotions splash out.

The future depends on you as much as on it.

Of course, he can start "sinning" again. But you already understood exactly where you were wrong. Remember, I said in one of the articles: "Cheating is a symptom of a family disease." Diseases of the relationship between husband and wife. Now you have a chance to heal the relationship. Together with her husband. You - correct your mistakes, he - his. This is exactly what we will think about!

How should a wife, to whom her husband returned, behave?

From all three points it follows that only you yourself have the answer to the question from the topic of the article. This answer can change very often.

You went to the hairdresser, you have a very stylish haircut, you like yourself in the mirror. Think: " From such a beauty, he certainly will not go anywhere now!“And he will not go away, because this beauty will work on the relationship, fix it.

Or in the evening you are “covered” with melancholy, you saw a photo of your husband’s “passion” on the social network, got upset and thought: “ Let him go wherever he wants. Back to her, or to another!"And it will roll. Because the spinal cord will feel that you have not given it a chance, although it seems that it has been accepted back.

This is called an emotional swing. So much has been written about them. Simply put - this is throwing from one extreme to another. They are absolutely not connected with objective reality, they are only in the human soul. Depending on your mood, you are carried upward on this swing, then downward.

It will pass over time. But in the meantime, you are going through an integral stage of restoration of the relationship. At this stage, you need to speak out a lot, not let feelings - resentment, disappointment, pain, anger - stay inside. Only by no means to her husband, but to a psychologist. As a last resort, to some very faithful friend who will not run away from you after the third round of accusations against her husband, who succeeded in "eating a fish and not getting into the water."

This is the first thing a wife needs to do, to whom her husband has returned - to remove all the "dirt" from her soul.

The second is to start thinking about the disease itself in the relationship. Think for yourself and discuss with your husband. But, to be honest, very few people succeed in discussing with my husband. Most often, such discussions end in disputes and quarrels: “ And you!…. And I….!“So it’s better to start rehearsing, again, with a psychologist, so that later you will be able to avoid insults and accusations when talking with your husband.

What if my husband says, "Trust me"?

Think for yourself, what is trust? Trust is confidence in the predictable harmlessness of behavior. Humanly, you trust if you know exactly what to expect in advance. You can only know for sure in advance based on your experience.

So how can you talk about "turning on" trust on request? Especially after "this"?

No psychologist will teach you to trust your husband after cheating. Only your husband can do this with his time and effort. If you want to trust him, just do not interfere. Tell: " I want to believe you! But so far I haven’t succeeded. Please keep up the good work, I'm trying.»

What does it mean - keep up the good work? Either I was so lucky, or it really is true, but men, all the same, when they return, try to be "good boys." They do not give reasons for jealousy, they warn of delays, they do not block phones, do not change passwords on social networks, they disaccustomed to hastily close tabs in the browser, write sweet messages to you in the middle of the working day. Maybe not all of the above at once, but at least something they do for the sake of their wife.

Remember, I said a few words above about male consistency? So, most men still follow the rule: "I decided so." That is, if an already roasted rooster has pecked, and a decision must be made, then the man will accept it, and will try to use logic to drive away all temptations from himself. Yes, logic does not always win. But the chances are great!

Perhaps you know what you personally need to restore trust.

One of my clients asked her husband to install a "beacon" on the phone so that she could check where he was at that moment. The husband installed. At first, for the sake of interest, my wife checked it, and then forgot. And my husband forgot about him. Although it was an excellent confirmation of honesty: "I have nothing to hide from you." I draw the attention of women to the fact that this is, after all, a rare case! Most often, such female requests are perceived by the husband as an attempt to control.

Yes, believing is not at all the same as controlling! They are opposites. The husband must control himself for the sake of the relationship with you. And you - to believe that he is in good control. And to behave in such a way that he wants to control himself. It's again on the topic: "Correcting mistakes in relationships." If a man sees that he has returned to a family in which something is changing for the better, then he will want to be worthy of this family himself.

I hear your indignant thoughts: “ How?! And I still have to change something for him, should I correct something?“This is the very pain in you that speaks. We will give her the floor, she will speak out. And then you will understand that if you do not change anything in the relationship, then the situation may repeat itself. Not because the husband is a womanizer, but because the relationship is still sick.

This is how trust will gradually return.

Very often I give some more advice to couples:

Create new rituals and traditions.
Change something not only internally, but also externally: in yourself, in the house, so that the scenarios of behavior change.
Learn the elementary rules of dialogue, say "I-messages".
Completely ignore situations when a mistress tries to remind her husband or wife of herself.
Accept the idea that in a love triangle situation there are no participants who would be good. Everyone is bad there! And to the husband, and to the wife, and to the mistress. Do not think that "she sits there and rejoices." Bad for everyone. The only question is who can bounce back faster.

Let me say a few words about statistics. About my personal statistics, from practice. If a man came to his wife and said: "I want to be only with you!"

In this article, we will tell you about how you can determine by external signs that your husband has a mistress.

Cheating spouse

As soon as a man begins to cheat, a woman feels it thanks to her inner instinct, but so far she does not understand for sure whether this is really so. The thing is that the girl has a very well-developed intuition. And the ability to notice the slightest changes in emotions and actions also makes itself felt. This intuition in men is almost absent. And if a woman begins to cheat on him, he is unlikely to guess about it, of course, if the wife herself does not give the correct hint.

The wife's assumptions are not always confirmed. Quite often, the husband's behavior changes due to serious troubles at work, which you do not want to talk about at home. Often there are opposite situations, when a woman who trusts her spouse is the last to know about what all the neighbors around her are quietly talking about. There are certain obvious signs for this, which we will describe in detail below.

A sharp change in the regime of the day for her husband

First of all, you need to find out exactly whether your husband's daily routine has changed. If so, how did it change, what is it, in fact, connected with. There are two options:

The spouse, however, began to work harder to earn money, for example, for repairs.
The husband began to cheat.

Unfortunately, the second option is much more common than the first.

It's no secret that you need to spend your free time on a new passion, which means one thing: if your husband has a mistress, he will come home later. Of course, if his "love" does not work with him in the same office. Since in this case, the husband may well satisfy himself at the workplace and in the evening, as if nothing had happened, return home.

You need to spend time with your mistress, talk to her, have sex. And it will take much more time to woo her than 15 minutes. Therefore, if you periodically hear the following excuses from your husband: “the car or bus has broken down,” “I’ll stay overnight at a friend’s place,” or “stayed late at work,” you should be wary.

Husband on a business trip began to visit more often

If your husband, for no reason, no reason began to travel on business trips (and before this was not observed for him), think well. Surely your spouse has a mistress. And if the trips have become longer, then even more so, be on your guard. Does your husband on a business trip not call or write to you? Alas, everything is clear here - the situation is getting out of your control.

Look at his phone: there you will find the answer to an exciting question.

Since a man must communicate with his new lover, he will probably hide the phone away from you. This means that you will practically not be able to read his messages or see the calls. But sometimes it is possible to do it. If by chance you see that some Uncle Vanya is constantly calling or writing to your beloved, then you should think about it. Try asking your spouse about him. If, when you ask about the notorious relative, you feel that the betrothed is nervous, then this is a very sure sign that the spouse has a lover.

The spouse has drastically changed the wardrobe - you need to sound the alarm

How do you know if your husband has a mistress? When a man likes a woman, he begins to be more attentive to his wardrobe. And if earlier your spouse could walk for a month in some trousers until you take them to the wash, now, having put them on once, he will ask you to clean and iron this garment. Also, your husband may stop liking his favorite clothes. For example, a sweater or jacket, which he previously wore without taking off, now seems to him too wide or, conversely, narrow. These are actually not his words, most likely, this is the opinion of the new "advisor", whom he is trying to please in every possible way.

Striving to be beautiful

If the husband has a mistress, he tries to shave more often. For you, the spouse is unlikely to do this, since he believes that you love him with anyone and will not get away from him. And the new woman must be conquered. To do this, you need to be the best, beautiful, sexy, neat and well-groomed.

If you want to be 100% sure that the other woman is there, try to break your husband's razor and tell him about it inadvertently. A man who has a mistress becomes very angry. After all, going to a new passion unshaven is a very bad form. The lady will clearly be upset.

More work means less money. Another signal that there is a mistress

If a woman appears on the side, then the spouse spends not only time on her, but also money. You don't need to give gifts to your wife, but your mistress definitely needs them: perfumes, sweets, expensive alcohol, flowers, clothes, jewelry, and more. All this requires a lot of money. Accordingly, if you notice that your husband has begun to work longer, but money is leaving the family, think about it and try to find out if it is being spent on a mistress. If you yourself cannot trace or for some reason are afraid to do it, then a private detective will help you. Fortunately, now a lot of offices provide such services.

Sexual chill is the surest sign of cheating.

If your husband has a mistress, he will certainly become less demanding of you for sex. There is simply not enough physical strength for additional intimate loads. After all, this woman can have sex often and even with several men in turn on the same day. A man cannot do that. Therefore, if you see that your spouse goes to bed early or has a constant headache, then you should think about it. Apparently, your man is already satisfied with a stranger.

You can also determine the presence of a mistress by looking

How do you know if your husband has a mistress? There is one more option. Watch your spouse's eyes and facial expressions. In simpler terms, a man who has a mistress has an absent look. He is not at all interested in what is happening at his house; a man likes to spend his leisure time with another woman. Therefore, he seems to be hovering in his thoughts all the time. Most likely, he just recalls that wonderful time that was spent with a new passion. So the following comes out: his body is here, and his thoughts are already there.

To accurately determine whether a spouse has a mistress, keep a good eye on his clothes, check if the husband is on a business trip, check his email and SMS on the phone. Try to control incoming and outgoing calls. It happens that it is enough just to be on the alert a little to scare the mistress and make her go away. You can ask your husband: “Have you got someone? Your friend told me ... ”- this is enough for a man to confess and repent.

But, unfortunately, things are not always that simple. And you have to spend a lot of nerves and efforts, sometimes you even need a private detective to prove that the faithful has another woman. Of course, at one "perfect" moment you will still find out that there is a mistress. For example, he may forget to delete her SMS in his jacket pocket, perhaps you will find a gift that is definitely not for you. In general, there are a lot of options, but all this takes time, and you really want to know everything today.

A little conclusion

How to find out if a husband has a mistress is now clear. As you can see, there are many options. Our advice to you: watch the behavior of your spouse, be sensitive to changes in him. And then you don't have to ask the question: "How do you know if your husband has a mistress?" And remember that everything secret sooner or later becomes apparent.