What does the phrase let's be friends mean. Let's stay friends: the verdict or there is still a chance
Ilona I. 2.08.2015 538
Once my loved one said only three words that "killed" me. His “let's stay friends” rang in my ears for many years to come because he betrayed me and our love.
I will tell you how I was going through the then parting with a man ... And a heap of memories rose when I once again climbed onto my page on the social network.
It all started with his banal greeting to Odnoklassniki: "How are you?" We have not seen each other for two decades! Why didn’t see each other there - they didn’t even know anything about each other from the moment he uttered the terrible phrase: “Let's stay friends”.
These words are easy to say and hear for people who are not united by anything. We met, went to the cinema a couple of times, spent several evenings in a cafe. We tried to build a relationship - it didn't work. Let's stay friends? No problem!
As long as there are no shared memories, it is not that difficult. Having met by chance on the street after a few years, you can throw a couple of phrases on abstract topics and scatter. And it will not pinch your heart - after all, you are just friends, or rather, friends.
How my life changed after breaking up
Twenty years. During this time, I got married (for a good man, do not hesitate), gave birth to two children (the child whom, seeing your indifference, I got rid of, having decided to have an abortion, could be just like me), built a house with my spouse (an apartment where you came to me, sold), passed on the license and drive a car (no, not "Ford Fiesta", although I remember that this is your favorite brand).
All these years I mentally talked to him: talked about joys and sorrows, asked for advice. More than once I returned to that evening when my tiny happy world instantly shattered into many pieces.
Let's stay friends ...
God forbid to experience it again: when a person with whom you are connected by an invisible, but very strong thread, suddenly becomes a stranger.
And when he said something about "civilized relationships", about the fact that from time to time we can meet to chat, I still could not understand what it means to "remain friends"?
There was only one way out - to remove him from your life forever:
- erase all SMS without rereading;
- throw away common photos, not sparing a single shot;
- put a phone number on the "black list".
And even having seen inadvertently on the street (thank God, this did not happen!), Pull yourself together and proudly walk by.
I coped with all this, although it was not easy. And now his stupid "how are you." Then, most likely, there will be a question: “Do you remember how good it was for us together? Do you remember? Nobody knew how to listen to me, nobody understood how you are! "
And then he will make an appointment at the cafe. But the conversation will not go well - after all, so many years have passed, we have changed. Let's say goodbye without making an appointment. And again, with every phone call, I will have to flinch in the hope of seeing a familiar number ...
And even if I decide to write, there will be silence in response. This man is a traitor. And I don’t believe I’ll do it differently this time. That is why I leave Odnoklassniki with a calm heart and haven’t come to my home computer for a week now.
The phrase of the beloved girl becomes completely unpleasant: “Let's stay friends”. This can happen both after a long-term relationship with her, or even before their onset. At any moment, the girl can decide to leave, which will be a bolt from the blue for the guy. How to return your beloved girl who no longer wants to be with you?
This question remains relevant, since in our time partings are common. You meet a girl, you love her, you cherish her, and she suddenly says that she wants to remain friends. It happens that a girl takes courtship for a long time, even lets her in, and then says that she is breaking up.
Looking back at past relationships, it is difficult to find the reasons why the girl says the phrase: "Let's stay friends." It is foolish for a girl to say such a phrase to a guy who is clearly not in the mood for friendly relations with her. It is even more stupid for the guy himself to immediately succumb to emotions and pretend that he can easily live without a girl.
If there is a desire to return the girl, despite the offensive words, then we will consider this topic in more detail on the site.
What shouldn't you do if a girl says, "Let's stay friends"?
After the relationship broke up and the girl says, “Let's stay friends,” internal anger and resentment arise. How can you remain friends after what happened between you? If you have not cooled down with feelings just like your ex-lover, then you are probably worried about the question of what needs to be done to bring her back. Now we will discuss the topic of what not to do when the girl dumped you. After all, the most important mistake can be made not when you return, but when you react to a breakup.
The most common boy behaviors are:
- Complete ignore. The guy pretends that he is also satisfied with the breakup.
- Running after the girl, gifts and compliments. If a girl pushes a guy away, then the guy’s behavior when he strenuously looks after her will be overkill.
These are two extremes that will not lead to good. Let's take a closer look at all the mistakes that should be avoided after breaking up with a girl:
- Give gifts, compliments, apologize. This is called humiliation when a girl turns a guy off, and he continues to look after her like a faithful dog. The girl will be annoyed by the behavior of a guy who does not respect himself and is ready to crawl on his knees in front of her, if only she would come back to him.
- Constantly call her and write messages. Exes cannot be in constant contact if they do not have a continuing relationship. The girl left you, left. It's time to stop calling her, writing messages, especially of a love nature. This is another way of humiliation that will only alienate the girl from you.
- Cry in front of her. This can happen both in the direct sense of the word and indirectly. If a guy shows himself to be unhappy and needy, it only infuriates. Even more annoying is the situation when the guy begins to threaten: "If you do not return to me, then I will kill myself." The girl can either laugh in the face, or feel sorry for the guy and return to him, but not for long and not seriously. In any case, the relationship will disintegrate even faster, and the girl will finally be impossible to return after this.
- Declaration of love. The girl who dumped the guy does not need his declarations of love in any form. This will annoy her even more and alienate her from the guy. She can keep in touch, but not give in to love words.
Considering the mistakes of the guys, we can note another most common one, which already modern young ladies in their right mind and mind will not be led to. Let's talk about it further.
How to get your girlfriend back: don't say that everything will change
Psychologists say that you need to reconsider your behavior if you want to return your beloved girl who left the guy. However, the mistake will be the behavior when the guy, just after hearing about his bad behavior, without thinking it over, starts throwing promises: “Forgive me. This will not happen anymore. I promise you". Don't say things will change. Why?
If you promise on emotions, without serious intentions to change something in the relationship, then you will get along with your beloved for a while, but she will quickly leave you as soon as she notes for herself that you have deceived her. If you have promised, then you must definitely change it! If you don't change anything, then the girl will leave you and the next time she won't listen at all.
You can promise again that you will do anything to change your bad behavior. But now the girl will not believe your words, and she will do the right thing: you promise without conscious and serious intentions and desires to do so. Your goal is to get your girlfriend back, to win, not really improve your relationship.
No matter how much you promise, the girl will not believe you, because she already has a real experience of incontinence. It's the same as if a girl promised you to lose weight if you married her. What is the connection between marriage and losing weight is illogical and incomprehensible. As much as you would not believe that a girl will really lose weight after the wedding, she will not believe that your relationship will improve if she comes back to you.
Young people, more mature men and women also keep up with them, are known for their fleeting love. Today they love, but tomorrow they no longer feel this feeling. But it so happens that the partners met for a long time, and then broke up for some reason. After that, one of them decides to return the former lover or beloved, but does not know how to do it.
How to get your love back? First, you should understand that if you were loved before, but then stopped loving, it means that some circumstances contributed to this. There is love in your partner, but it is constantly extinguished for some reason. So, you just need to do so that love for you kindled again.
Secondly, you should understand the reasons that extinguish your partner's love. These reasons served as your parting. For what reasons did you break up? What made your partner leave you? Identify and start fixing them.
Do not make one of the mistakes people who are trying to return to their old relationship: they run after their loved ones, but at the same time they do not work on what served as their separation. But former partners look to see if people change. And if they don’t change, then they don’t see the point in renewing the relationship.
Your task is not only to return your loved one, but also to show him that you have become different: what was previously a problem is no longer there, you have changed. You need to work through all those problem areas because of which you constantly quarreled with your beloved, and change them. Your ex should see that by renewing the relationship with you, she will not face again what previously irritated you or led to conflicts. Therefore, change yourself and, as if by chance, show your new qualities to your former partner. You should not talk about them, but demonstrate them in appropriate situations. And when the ex sees your changes, she will want to return to you.
Renew the feelings in your loved ones by eliminating your mistakes and the causes of your quarrels. Make your former lovers want to come back to you, not because you were persistent. In the first case, they will stay with you for a long time, because they themselves expressed a desire to be near. And in the second case, happiness will not last long - until your first quarrel.
Consider tips on how to get your girlfriend back in order to be able to resume a relationship with her:
- Agree with her proposal. She says, "Let's be friends." Agree! It will be a shock for her, whereas she expected you to disagree and start running after her. In such a situation, when you break up, she will be interested in what you are doing, who is next to you, what distracts you from the thought that she broke up with you.
- Don't call her first, wait for her to call you. And in most cases, a girl who herself dumped a guy, soon dials him herself on the phone to find out about his affairs. Here you can already control the situation. For example, you might say, "I'm busy, let's call you later." There is no need to talk about past relationships or feelings. Communicate on neutral topics, such as: how are you, what are you doing, what's new, etc.
Try not to tell her everything, it is better not to finish. Let her understand that she is not getting answers to her questions. At the same time, do not communicate with her for a very long time. As soon as there are pauses in the conversation, you should end the conversation. It is better to do this on your own initiative.
- Start dating another beauty. She must be really beautiful, or at least interesting to you. It's even better if your ex finds out that you've started a new relationship. Not only did she initiate the breakdown of the relationship, because of which she lost a nimble and interesting guy, but he still does not cry for her, but is passionate about something and even found himself another girl.
Often the girls part so that they can run after them. Calm the ardor of your ex by giving her what she herself tried to achieve - loneliness away from you.
- Get to a party where she and your mutual friends will be. It's good if the girl is forced to see you in practice. It will be good if by this time you have changed yourself in the sense where she was unhappy with you. At the same time, do not try to run up to her and immediately tell her that you have changed. She herself must see that you have become different - the way she wanted to see you.
Chat with all people at the party. Pay as much attention to your ex as to your other friends. Communicate with her friends, and with your friends, and with her. At the same time, behave like an acquaintance who does not think about her at all and does not miss her.
You can add "pepper" in order to bring your new passion to the party. Take care of her and be a gentleman so that the ex-girlfriend is simply dumbfounded and jealous. She must see what she has lost, especially when "all the good" goes to some other girl.
Outcome
Girls are emotional beings. Today they want to stay with the guys as friends, and tomorrow they already regret their decision. This effect is achieved when guys do not run after those who left them, but also continue to live, meet new girls, and even get better. The result of all the events - and the desire to return the old relationship with the one who destroyed them herself.
Let's not forget about the mistakes that many guys make. If you do them, then you can forget that the ex will return, because with each unsuccessful meeting, she will understand that she definitely does not need a squishy and crybaby.
Quite a large number of people at least once in their lives have heard the phrase: "let's stay friends." Such words can be very unsettling and cause a significant blow to self-esteem. Is it worth it after that to put an end to your communication or is it just a temporary obstacle, you need to figure it out.
The foregoing may imply several scenarios for the development of your relationship:
- Complete lack of any intimacy.
- A person culturally proposes, he does not see himself at all.
- The opportunity to part, but on good terms.
Reasons such a decision could be great amount... Sometimes such words sound like a bolt from the blue. May be you were so in love that they just did not notice existing problems... Now the main thing is to understand what happened and when, that the relationship ceased to be romantic or even stopped altogether.
If these words came from a girl
Unfortunate 3 words can be heard at any time throughout the relationship. It is always worth remembering that the fairer sex unusual figurative thinkingwhich is sometimes perfect inexplicable and incomprehensible... In this case, many can use the expression about feminine logic. Quite often, the fairer sex thinks for a long time before making a final decision. In order not to offend you and not to cause a wave of negativity, the phrase “let's stay friends” comes to the rescue.
What to do to change everything?
To try to renew sympathy you need to carry out a whole operation. The first thing to do is break all contacts with this person for at least six months, if you are culturally thrown. This concerns not only personal meetings, but and phone and correspondence, try not to even answer incoming calls. Overwhelm yourself in order to achieve the desired effect in the future. There is no full guarantee that after this time, the relationship will resume, the main thing is that you will change and do first steps into a new life.
Take care of yourselfperhaps change the style of dress, communication and increase the circle of friends. Improve yourself, attend trainings, start playing sports, any changes will only increase the chances of reciprocity. When you next meet, partnercertainly will notice your reincarnation... When your relationship has smoothly flowed into a friendly channel, disappear for a few weeks, and see if the person will be looking for a meeting with you.
If interest in you has renewed, now it's time to dictate your own rules. Make the person regret that they once rejected you, for example, make him jealous... Show that there are a lot of people around who also do not mind starting a relationship with you, and at this moment remind you that you are, what these scenes are for. Only do not overdo itso as not to alienate the person forever.
Another option
This method is not suitable for inexperienced people, in order for it to work, you need to have willpower. It consists in systematic appearance and disappearance... When you hear the phrase: "Let's stay friends", agree. Special, if a on the horizon there is a new candidate for the role of the second half. It's just that if you take the previous technique, there may be nowhere to return, so you can't lose connection. Here you need to include a "friend", and without any possible hints of something more. Friendship should not be sluggish, try to spend as much time together as possible, for example, go to exhibitions, find a common hobby... During this time, a strong attraction should arise.
Now let's move on to the second stage. When you notice interest to your person: constant calls, invitations to walks, then everything is done correctly... Now you need to leave, and completely disappear for a while... During this time, you can change, for example, change something in the image. It is also necessary to bring a loved one back to life unexpectedly. Just come visit or call and take for a walk as if nothing happened. When the contact is not broken, you need to immediately try to transfer the relationship into a new channel, stop playing friendship... Touch it casually, take your hand, any action will do that will bring you closer together. At such moments, you will definitely feel whether your partner is ready to rise to the next stage of your relationship.
Is it possible to remain friends when parting? Many believe that it is possible, but the soulless reality is unforgiving - no, it is impossible. You can't part with friends.
Everything is simple here. If you break up, you are not friends. If you are friends, you do not part.
Let's figure it out.
What is friendship?
Contrary to popular belief, it is quite possible to define what friendship is. It is a relationship based on the highest form of trust, in which people act in the interests of another, even in spite of themselves.Simply put, a friend will rush into the fire after you, even if he himself may suffer. Or give the last shirt. Because it puts - at least for now - your interests ahead of yours. And, of course, he expects you to do the same.
Friendship, by the way, is generally characterized by the rejection of mercantile calculations of mutual concessions and indulgences.
Consequently, friends try to help each other - including where they have relationship problems. Friends do not consider (if they are friends) that one person is to blame. Friends together are responsible for the current situation and together they fix it.
So if spouses, for example, have some problems on, say, the sexual front, then spouses who are friends solve these problems together. And there is no point in parting them.
How does the chest open?
As is often the case, people say one thing and mean another.What are they really talking about when they offer to stay friends? About the desire to part quietly, peacefully, easily and nicely.
It is understandable - and so the soul is not very cheerful, and then there is also a stabbing. Therefore, I want to somehow soften everything.
At the same time, not everyone knows - a scandal can be avoided, but parting is easy and cute is unlikely to succeed - parting is, in principle, a painful thing. At the same time, of course, you can maintain some friendliness and then communicate relatively warmly. This is reasonable and quite appropriate in a number of cases. But this, as you know, is not friendship.
There is one more moment - when one of the parting people hopes for a renewal of the relationship and therefore tries in every possible way to cajole the second. And the second perceives all this as friendship, although he himself does not invest in return, but only uses the first. And this, as you understand, is also not friendship.
How to be?
If you really want to part, then speak directly - I want to part, I want it to cause you and me as little pain as possible. This is the best option, if only because it is extremely clear, and therefore not as painful as the vague "let's stay friends".If you are really friends, then there is nothing to part about. Sit down at the table, pour yourself some tea and discuss what is happening with you. People who value each other and are ready to help each other, compromising somewhere and their interests (remember, this is friendship) will certainly come to a consensus.
Simply put, since you are such friends, as it is drawn from your words, then behave like friends - correct the situation and support each other. Well, or don't call yourself friends, this is also a good option.
Total. It is impossible to part as friends - friends do not part, it is not friends that part. If you decide to leave, then talk about it directly, emphasizing that you want to alleviate the pain (it will not be possible to completely remove it, this is a separation, it cannot but hurt). If you don't want to leave, then take care of your relationship and jointly improve it.
And also these "do not touch me" - this is an attempt not to seem an accessible woman and to absolve herself of responsibility. It is very important for a girl not to seem easily accessible, it is important for her that she does not give (it does not matter sex or), but that it is taken from her.
Let's stay friends what to do? Above, we figured out why this happens, and now let's talk about what can be done. Ras already you found yourself in such a situation. The situation needs to be corrected, and not slowly.
Let's clarify again - you can hear the words about friendship from a girl when time passes, and you do not have sex with her, do not take her. That is, your communication does not pass into another, bodily channel. Moreover, the more dates you had without sex, the more chances each time you will not have sex with this girl at all!
These chances of getting nothing grow exponentially. In general, understand that if you do not have sex with a girl after the third date, then you most likely lost, and even if later there will be sex anyway, then it is not you, but the girl who will be the main one in the relationship, and this, to put it mildly, is bad.
The longer you have been friends, the less likely you are to leave friends. Men come to my trainings, and some of them tell me - "You know, I've been friends with one girl for five years now, how can I fuck her." I am certainly shocked by such words. I've been friends with my friend Alexander for about five years too, but I wonder how I can fuck him!)))). But we will talk about how to get out of a protracted friendship in other articles, and now ...
Trust me, she will resist very hard and try to put you in your place. Yes, there is a certain risk here - either she will become your girlfriend, or you will completely lose her. But understand that you have already lost her if the girl offered to be friends.
What you need to do is call her and insist on meeting her. Moreover, this is not a movie or bowling, not a walk in the park, but a cafe with sofas so that you can sit next to it (this is extremely necessary). This cafe should be intimate, not loud music, dim lights ...
And there you start telling her that you really like her as a woman and that you are not going to be friends with her. But at the same time, your words should not be just empty, they should be supported by actions.
You just take her, turn her towards you and kiss her on the lips. Once again I tell you - there is nothing to lose! It breaks off - then you forget about it and that's it. And friendship is nonsense, you will dream about her, and she will meet with another, and you will see it. Is it really better?
On my YouTube channel and here in the "Video" section, you can find videos on how to touch a girl on a date.
And no matter how your hands shake with excitement and fear of losing her, you still begin to touch her. Take yourself by the balls, you're a man!
The best solution - If the girl offered friendship and said let's stay friends, then my personal opinion is that the situation is generally lost. Try of course, but I don't want to give you much hope. Most likely, seventy percent that you have already lost this match, even probably eighty, so you need to think,.
But, there is a great solution to how to make sure that no girl will tell you that again. Never. This is effective communication with women from the ALL YOURS project. This is not an advertisement, you can go to one of my colleagues, that is not the point.
The bottom line is that you have a real chance to change your life for the better. Once and for all, fill her with the most beautiful and classy women and, in the end, find your soul mate who will love you.
At the training, we will pump you up, remove all your fears and prejudices. Eighty percent of it consists of practice, that is, we will not just tell you what to do, you will do, and not just listen.
Because communication with women can only be learned through practice. You've probably already seen my videos with live dating with girls, and so - you can do the same! So don't wait, life goes by very quickly ... ..
In this article, you learned what to do if the girl said let's stay friends. Conclusions can only be made by you, man.