Family models, traditional marriage, trial marriage, seasonal marriage, communal marriage. Family model typology

The commonplace term "normal family" is a very conventional concept. It can be considered as such a family that provides the necessary minimum of the needs of its members, or a family that provides the required well-being, social protection to family members, creates conditions for the socialization of children until they reach psychological maturity. The basis of normativity is the bonds of marriage, kinship and parenthood, considered in unity and interrelation.

The normative model of the family is accepted by society, reflected in collective ideas, moral values, and the culture of society, including religious culture. However, as V.N.Druzhinin rightly notes, the normative model is always hidden behind the specific forms of its explication, which are not only diverse, but also variable.

A practicing researcher who is primarily concerned with specific families and generalizes knowledge about them can rely on two main points: quantitative and qualitative. In the first case, we are talking about the composition of the family, the elements of its structure. In the second, first of all, about the system of relations. VN Druzhinin believes that, like any other institutionalized group, the family is held together by relations of power - subordination, mutual responsibility and psychological closeness.

Domination in the family... As a rule, social psychologists associate dominance with the acceptance of social responsibility for the actions of the group: the dominant member of the group is responsible for the success of the overall task and, in addition, is responsible for maintaining normal relations between the members of the group. Dominance is associated with improvisational activity and initiation of action. The task of the dominant personality is to ensure the safety of the group, coordinate the actions of its members to achieve group goals, determine the prospects for the life and development of the group, and instill faith in the future.

The psychological models of the family can be divided by answering the question (V.N.Druzhinin) who dominates the family. In a patriarchal family, the father dominates, and the matriarchal family is dominated by the mother. In the so-called child-centered family, the child, his needs or whims, is psychologically dominant. In an egalitarian family, power functions are distributed, but their distribution is a constant ground for conflict, you can call it a conflict family.

One of the important parameters included in the modern family model is responsibility... From the point of view of M. Mead, the family is normal, where the father bears responsibility for it as a whole. All other types of families, where this rule is not observed, fall into the category of abnormal.

Understanding responsibility is associated with its behavioral manifestations. It is believed that the degree of personal responsibility is the higher, the more pronounced the possibility of control over the commission of an action and its outcome (hope for a chance, a miracle reduces personal responsibility).

A family member may be responsible for other family members (eg wife / husband or children) and for the family as a whole. The role of the leader, the head of the family, presupposes precisely responsibility for the family as a whole: its present, past, future, activities and behavior of family members, before oneself and the family, before the closest social environment and that part of the world of people (society) to which the family belongs. It is always responsibility for others and not just individual close people, but for the family as a whole.

Emotional and psychological closeness... In an integrated form, relationships can be described by such a parameter as emotional and psychological closeness, which is associated with the motive of affiliation (joining). The need for affiliation is the need to “make friends and feel affection. Enjoy others and live with them. Collaborate and communicate. Be in love. Join groups ". Although at the same time motivation can be not only positive (hope for the establishment of good relationships), but also negative (fear of rejection).

In a particular culture, different importance can be attached to relations of power - subordination, emotional closeness, responsibility. This manifests itself in the different "weight" of certain relations in the family structure and also significantly enriches, modifies this or that model of family relations.

Currently, in a civilized society, more and more people prefer not to marry at the very beginning of their relationship or not to marry at all, the readiness of young people in their own lives to look for alternative forms of its structure is increasing, not only forms of marriage are evolving, but also attitudes towards him. This changed position is largely related to the change in the socio-cultural nature of the phenomenon of youth.

A representative disclosure of this phenomenon was carried out by R. Zieder. The classic youthful phase between puberty and full socioeconomic maturity has now changed. Young people reach sociocultural maturity long before they gain economic independence from their parents. On the one hand, the entry into working life for young people was postponed due to the lengthening of the period of school and university education. On the other hand, at an earlier age, preference is given to the ability to act and consume. Postindustrial society favors the early onset of adulthood - primarily in the area of \u200b\u200bconsumption, as well as in social and sexual relations, and postpones the onset of economic independence. Competent participation of young people in consumption makes them more mature from a socio-cultural point of view than it was in previous generations. During the period of marriage, young people come, on the one hand, with a higher willingness to experiment in life, on the other, with limited economic autonomy. Today's young people remain economically fully or partially dependent on their parents, but behave independently of the latter's normative ideas, especially in the socio-cultural sphere.

Therefore, marriage relationships often begin (“happen”) outside the parental home: the latter is not suitable for experimentation. The young man is faced with the question of how he will live outside the walls of the parental home. If in the 1960s. more and more young people “fled” to marriage (early marriages), then since then a wait-and-see attitude towards marriage and family has been established among the youth. The concept of normative marriage with problems of domination, intimacy and distribution of responsibility seems too heavy and obligatory in these years. Marriages without registration, "residential communities", independent lonely life, etc. are the alternatives that have developed to date. They appear to offer better opportunities for young people to learn about life and make it easier to break up established relationships in the event of failure.

Let's give in table. 2.2 the main trends in the development of marriage and family relations in modern society.

Table 2.2.Trends in the development of marriage and family relations in modern society

Let's consider these alternative and non-traditional forms of marriage and family in more detail, but without any subjective assessments or their propaganda. The task is not to take one or another point of view of certain categories of the population, but to lead the reader to understand these points of view in full. First, they already exist (whether we like it or not). Secondly, the professional position of psychologists is not to judge and teach adults independent people to live "as it should" (if they do not pose a threat to the life and health of other people), but in being able to take the point of view of another person, to be able to understand and accept his norms and values. Only then can one search for exit strategies and tactics together with him.

1.1. Loneliness.This category includes people who have never been married, that is, existing in a monovariant.

At present, in general, among young people, the attitude towards marriage remains, but the number of people who think differently is increasing. A minority skeptical about the institution of marriage is growing in numbers in all countries of the civilized world. According to R. Sieder, a survey conducted in 1978 in the Federal Republic of Germany showed that approximately 18% of all unmarried persons seem attractive to remain "in principle independent and independent." In 1981, in the framework of one of the youth studies, 13% of young respondents answered that they did not want to get married, and 7% did not want to have children. Since then, skepticism seems to have grown even more. 57% of Russian girls and only 5% of Swedish women believe that marriage is necessary for a woman. The possibility of never getting married worries only 3% of Swedish girls and 28% of Russian women, and the possibility of never having children - 38% of Russian girls and only 1% of Swedish (O. Zdravomyslova). Presumably, these attitudes are mainly generated by the experience of young people, taken from their families, the attitude of their parents towards them, and observations of marital problems and conflicts throughout childhood.

From the diary entries: “She always scares me with the future:“ How are you going to live ?! The first man will do with you what he wants, evil people will laugh, the bosses will push around at work, the husband will simply beat you or leave you, such a fool ... ”” Obviously, the mother imposes her fears on her daughter.

Such attitudes increase the willingness of young people in their own lives to look for alternative forms of its arrangement.

Living alone is a historically new phenomenon. This dramatic change is especially evident in the big cities. More and more men and women in the "marriageable" age are deciding to live alone. From the point of view of social infrastructure, this becomes possible thanks to the developed network of communal and social services in large cities. Lonely people make the decision to live in a monovariant for various reasons, among which the following stand out.

Raising the professional and educational level of a modern woman, which sometimes dramatically changes her views on ideas about self-realization, she longs for and looks for opportunities to take place in the professional sphere, in the sphere of spiritual searches, in the field of serious hobbies - these attitudes take a modern urban woman away from burdensome, according to her opinion, family ties. In addition, obtaining an education, sometimes very solid, takes time, while a woman misses her childbearing period. Destination arguments do not work in this case.

The prevailing number of women at marriageable age due to the high mortality rate of the male population, including as a result of accidents, murders, and hostilities. Consequently, inevitably a certain number of women will still remain celibate. As a result, there is an increase in the number of women who initially refuse to participate in the “pursuit” of marriage partners and potential spouses.

The point of view, widespread in some segments of the population and corresponding to a certain aspect of reality, is that it is easier to live alone. One of the reasons is economic: the growth of unemployment, delays in the payment of the patch, the lack (or insufficient) state support for the family, the uncertainty and instability of the future, the high criminalization of the current Russian situation. The benefits of the psychological comfort of living in a family are offset by the costs of the socio-economic state of affairs in family policy.

Researchers found that women tolerate loneliness much easier than men: the educational level, professional career, mental health, household life of single women is higher (better) than that of single men.

At the same time, the problem of loneliness remains one of the poorly studied in Russian psychology. In the old days, loneliness in the country, it seems, was not at all, since there was an entirely happy (well, moderately, of course) Soviet family. However, statistics still know little about the relationship of loners. Most singles seem to be in a more or less long-term sexual relationship with someone. Many formally single people spend part of their time with partners, without giving up their own apartment, without pooling property, without organizing a common life. This increases personal independence and frees the relationship from the consequences of unequal distribution of household chores between men and women. The minimal economic pressure to maintain relationships and the fact that single people (both men and women) are quite capable of doing household chores on their own create room for overcoming patriarchal attitudes and structures. The lack of contact communication is more than compensated for in these days by virtual communication.

It should be added that the attitude towards loneliness, life in a monovariant may not be lifelong. It has been noticed that in women it can change at the age of 30–35, in men - at 40–45 years old, when feverish attempts are made to "get" a partner and find a life partner.

1.2. Unregistered cohabitation.This form of informal marriage and family relations has become widespread in Russia under the name "civil marriage", which is terminologically incorrect, since it is a legal, legally formalized marriage that is a civil marriage, which is recorded in the record of the act civilstate (registry office).

In the case of cohabitation, the duration of cohabitation may be relatively short and may be accompanied by repeated travel and reunification. Family roles within the framework of cohabitation are not sufficiently defined, and the role structure is amorphous, the boundaries of such a “family” are vague and indistinct, the couple publicly admits the absence of marital obligations. In common everyday ideas, there is an opinion that usually young and more educated people enter into such a marriage. However, this is not entirely true. Research shows that in developed countries, about 25% of unregistered couples have children under the age of 14.

Unregistered couples are a fairly common phenomenon in the modern industrial and urbanized world. In the 1980s. about 3% of the US population were such couples, and about 30% of Americans had cohabitation experience for at least six months.

In Denmark and Sweden already in the mid-1970s. approximately 30% of unmarried women between the ages of 20 and 24 lived with men. Therefore, extramarital union in this age group is more common than formal marriage. In most other European countries during the same period, only 10–12% of this age group were in cohabitation, but later the number of unmarried living together also increased. This applies primarily to large cities and their environs: in Paris in 1980, less than half of all heterosexual couples living together were in a registered marriage, among couples with men aged 35 years and below, if they did not have children, only about half were are scheduled. In 1985, about a million couples in the Federal Republic of Germany led a so-called “unmarried family life”.

Is frequent unregistered cohabitation a historical alternative to marriage and family relations? R. Zieder answers this question in the following way: it is true that this is only a preliminary stage to subsequent marriage ("trial marriage") and that it is to some extent an alternative to traditional marriage. The fact is that relations in unregistered cohabitation can be both formal, short-term, and deep, long-term. In the case of the former, joint life in a "trial marriage" does not last long, the marriage is either contracted, or the relationship is interrupted. At the same time, the number of cases of cohabitation is increasing, which differs from marriage only in the absence of legal registration; the birth of children in long-term relationships is often encouraged.

The normative effectiveness of legal marriages is receding step by step. In Sweden, premarital cohabitation is already a recognized social institution. Almost all married couples lived together for some time before marriage. They marry only by tradition. Marriage is in no way associated with a public sanction for sexual relations between couples. It loses its meaning as a civil act legitimizing sexual relations between a couple. The situation is similar in Denmark. Here, cohabitation after some time is also given a legal character by means of marriage. The bulk of extramarital first births are among women who live in unions similar to marriage. More than 98% of these women do get married when the child grows up. Some women consistently enter into several unformed unions. At the same time, "trial marriage" practically turns into "sequential polygamy", or the so-called "serial monogamy", which, however, does not exclude some hopes for a longer relationship.

In cases of unregistered cohabitation, the attitude toward marriage does not disappear. 90% of women and men in such a relationship intended to marry, but not necessarily with this partner. Probably, behind this lies a person's uncertainty, due to the psychological trauma suffered (the fact of betrayal, loss of a loved one, death, treachery, intimate failure, deception, etc.), or fear associated with the possibility of its inevitable onset and, accordingly, its tense expectation.

Let's analyze the pros, which are usually given by the supporters of unregistered cohabitation:

This form of relationship represents a "training" of a certain type;

In cases of unregistered cohabitation, strength and compatibility are tested;

In such variants of cohabitation, there is a freer relationship, there is no compulsion. In the event of quarrels, the partners disappear arguments like: "Why did you marry me?" or “Are you my wife, after all?”, as well as the “owner effect”, which is generated in numerous aspects of the legal registration of marriage;

Unregistered cohabitation, free from coercion, provides more spirituality and satisfaction in relationships, the so-called "unmarried family life."

Some commentary on this argumentation can be summarized as follows: studies show that this kind of experience of living together at the average statistical level does not affect the success of a subsequent marriage, that is, you can "train" and "combine", but there is no guarantee for the future. A natural form of "premarital training" given by nature is the parental family. It is in the family where the person grew up that his preparation for marriage takes place. Actually, "training" consists in building relationships with brothers and sisters, which is why their presence in the family and the nature of relationships with them are considered as one of the predictive criteria for the success of a subsequent marriage. It is with his sister that the boy comprehends the world of women's stories, habits, he has to adapt to her chatter on the phone, outfits and cosmetic claims, with her he learns to be patient, gentle, caring. The same is with the girl: with the presence of a brother, the world of male smells, hobbies, disorder, habits becomes accessible and understandable to her, with him she has to decide whether to beg her parents about him or wait until she is outraged by him and is proud, takes care of him and respects him ... If the relationship between sister and brother was built harmoniously, they learned to achieve mutual understanding and cooperation, if rivalry did not develop into enmity, but was replaced by respect for the capabilities and success of the other, then everyone has a higher chance to build effective marriage and family relations. By the way, one of the reasons for the emergence of "trial marriages" is associated with the small children of the European family, in which children of the opposite sex may be absent, or even with the fact that the child was the only one in the family.

Arguments about greater freedom and spirituality in cases of unregistered cohabitation are also not very reliable: both negative and positive options for the development of relations are known.

In modern science, the features of people prone to unregistered cohabitation are described. The generalized psychological portrait of a representative of this population is characterized by more liberal attitudes, less religiosity, a high degree of androgyny, low school success in childhood and adolescence, less social success, however, as a rule, these people come from very successful families.

Experimental forms of life require a higher level of reflection and communication, as well as, not least, the strength to resist the pressures of social norms. For this reason, their distribution cannot but depend on social affiliation and level of education.

Surveys in Austria have shown that living together without a marriage certificate as a "trial marriage" is recognized by the general population. However, apparently, as R. Zieder concludes, the majority of the population rejects the final replacement of marriage by “free cohabitation”. This is hardly justified now by sexual-ethical arguments, but rather solely by the interests of children.

It should be added that in addition to psychological ones, there are also socio-economic reasons peculiar to Russia that give rise to the variant of unregistered cohabitation. Namely: housing problems, issues related to registration, the possibility of receiving child benefits as a single mother, etc.

2.1. Consciously childless marriage.We especially emphasize that the subject of consideration is deliberately childlessmarriage, that is, when healthy young people maybut do not wantto have children; all options in situations where childbirth problems are associated with poor health, infertility, miscarriage, trauma, etc., do not apply to any alternatives, but represent a family drama. One of the psychohygienic and ethical requirements in discussing the problems of childless marriage is the expediency of avoiding potentially traumatic attitudes, for example, evaluating childless marriage as a “pathological” or “abnormal” phenomenon, which SI Golod points out in consistently and convincingly arguing his opinion.

10% of women in industrialized countries do not want to have children, in Russia at least 1%. Voluntary sterilization is increasing throughout these countries. The situation in Russia is characterized by mass abortion.

The problem of abortion is being raised and discussed all over the world, and various options for its solution are proposed. Let us turn to the text given by the remarkable Russian psychologist T.A.Florenskaya.

“In Italy, a public opinion poll was carried out, the results of which were published in all newspapers. Paradoxically, the Catholic South was in favor of abortion, while the less religious North was against it. When these poll results were published, an event occurred that caught the attention of Italians. A little boy fell into a mine dug back in Roman times for the extraction of water. He lay there for several days until they heard him crying. The exhausted child could not even grasp the rope extended to him, could not take the food that was lowered to him.

The most drastic measures were taken. Experts from Germany began to drill a shaft parallel to the one into which the child fell, in order to make a move towards him from below. All this time, the child was encouraged, supported as best they could: they held a light, told him fairy tales, the president himself tried to entertain the boy. Finally, they dug a mine, dug a passage to the boy, and he fell another 20 meters. There was a caver who agreed to walk upside down through the mine; he crawled to the child and tried to take it, but in vain: each time the child's body slipped out of his hands. So the child died in the womb of Mother Earth.

From the point of view of reason - just an accident. But spiritually sensitive Italians perceived this event differently: death in the womb of Mother Earth became for them a symbol of the crime of abortion ”.

Let us consider the problem of deliberately childless marriage in the broader context of motivation, planning and regulation of childbearing. At the family level, the influence of such factors as the spouses' ideas about satisfaction with housing and living conditions and material conditions, the nature of the distribution of responsibilities, the compatibility of the role positions of the spouses, their attitude to lifestyle, the specifics of leisure, the strength of marriage, the peculiarities of the individual's experience of the stages of the formation of marriage and family relations ... At the level of personality, the following factors are distinguished: attitude to childbirth, love of children, attitude to difficulties, the nature of the perception of life circumstances, the measure of responsibility that a person wants and is ready to take on.

Mass intrafamilial birth control is a process of social adaptation. The meaning of the latter is related to the balance between the size and density of the population and the ecological habitat. The goals of social adaptation are changeable and varied: environmental, political, religious. How are they achieved? Different strategies are used here: abandoning a child, postponing the birth of a child (“let's live for ourselves”), ordering life events, dividing individual resources, redirecting family functions, simplifying parenting.

Social and socio-economic factors (the general state of affairs in the country, in the economy, urbanization processes, unemployment, uncertainty of the future, military conflicts, etc.) are singled out as the primary factors in birth control. Secondary factors include cultural and demographic factors (maternity protection, child benefits, the timeliness of their payment and size, pension provision, economic independence of women, a decrease in overall and child mortality, dynamics and lifestyle, a change in the creative saturation of work, increased society requirements for the quality of an employee and personality, level of satisfaction with leisure time, temptations of the entertainment industry, etc.).

The reasons for the low birth rate are material and housing problems, but in reality it is not a matter of square meters: these difficulties serve only as a socially acceptable explanation for the unwillingness to have children. At the same time, in Russia 43% of children live in families with incomes below the subsistence level, and in Switzerland - 4%.

In science, there is not a single point of view that there are no biological laws, forcinga person to have children, no. The instinct of sexual attraction in living nature has a single purpose - reproduction, self-reproduction. In humans, sexual desire has transformed and bifurcated: on the one hand, it retains the target reproductive function, on the other hand, sexual intercourse by itself, without the goals of procreation, has become seductive and pleasurable for a woman. This led to the fact that the second aspect began to supplant the first: they use contraceptives, terminate pregnancy, we repeat, they are increasingly resorting to voluntary sterilization. If the biological mechanism of reproduction worked flawlessly, then, probably, every pregnancy of a healthy woman would end in childbirth, the number of children in families would be much higher - alas, this is not so. According to O. Zdravomyslova, only 24% of Russian women and 1% of Swedes agree that being a good wife and mother is the main purpose of a woman.

Thus, the laws of procreation are social. The need for children is dictated in a social way (the attitude to have children is formed) and in an individual way (love of children, attitude towards the value of children, the process of their upbringing and number). The need to have children - socio-psychological, moral in nature... The need for children in this sense is an individual combination of various attitudes towards children in general, conditioned by the history of personality development. Here the concept of "need" coincides with the concept "Love of children"... Love for children is the result of a person's assimilation of a positive attitude towards children; it is a conditioned reflex reaction, instilled in an individual through social training. Caring for children is an elementary norm, embodied in mutual respect in the family, care for the upbringing of children.

It is also necessary to distinguish the need of the individual himself for children and intrafamily ( joint- husband and wife) the need for children. The family is a social institution, and its life activity, functions, needs are regulated by phenomena of a different social order than the actions of an individual.

It also happens that in the case of abandoning children, the individual demonstrates not his limited need for children, but his desire to satisfy some other socio-psychological needs, stimulated, by the way, by society. Therefore, it is sometimes appropriate to speak not about the absence or presence of needs for children, but about the strength of competing needs. Regulation of needs by consciously limiting the size of the family is one of the possible ways to satisfy other needs (spiritual and material) and maintain them at a certain level.

In addition, the birth of a child is an act of acceptance by the parents (father and mother jointly) all responsibility for his fate before his conscience and before society. Not every modern married couple takes on this responsibility. A common variant is when a child appears in the family and the parents immediately shift the care of him to the grandparents, then to the kindergarten, and later to the school.

Let us give such a case. A teenager voluntarily left the military sports camp. They were looking for him for a long time. Not found. We turned to my mother to find out the circle of his friends, suggesting that the boy could stay with them. Mom had no idea about her son's friends. But her appeal to the leadership of the camp was characteristic: “If you find him, don’t try to bring him home. I gave it to you for 30 days. So, please, within 30 days - don’t give me any more trouble ”.

We add that not every married couple (husband and wife) is psychologically ready for the birth and upbringing of children.

Late age at marriage;

Among such women, the percentage of divorced is higher, that is, who have experienced a failure in a previous marriage;

High level of education received - as a rule, these are women of highly intellectual or creative nature of work, who have clearly expressed and stable socio-psychological (non-family) needs;

More often these are the eldest or the only children in the family, whose birth (“birth”) had a bad effect on the marriage of their parents; women of the androgynous type; often have good, highly paid and interesting jobs (as, indeed, their husbands).

The ideology of childless families is based on the following argumentation:

Children interfere with marital relations (it has been empirically established that this influence is contradictory and weak, that is, the root is not in children, but in the nature of the marital relationship itself);

Children interfere with social activity (it is empirically confirmed, but the differences in the social activity of a person with children and a childless are not significant).

Such childless families, in the overwhelming majority of women, experience strong social pressure, condemnation and negativism (“you cannot live without children”). In general, from a psychological point of view, such a position (childlessness) is no worse than others, if at the same time a person consciously made his choice, bears responsibility for it and does not experience psychological discomfort and torment.

To substantiate this position, let us turn to the discussion of the problem of orphans with living parents, the problem of refusal mothers, grandchildren thrown to grandparents, whom they get used to call "mom and dad", problems of domestic violence in the family principle "without children"). In the periodicals there are words that in Russia the terror of parents against children has the scale of a national catastrophe. From an article by E. Zvereva in the newspaper "Komsomolskaya Pravda" dated January 30, 1998 (abridged):

“A five-year-old resident of Novosibirsk, Kristina Lyamkina, was not destined to celebrate the New Year. It is known that at noon from the apartment where Christina lived with her 29-year-old mother Elena, the creepy cries of a child were heard. Elena explained to her neighbor who came running that nothing terrible was happening, she and her daughter were going to see relatives and the girl, dressing, was capricious. (…) In the evening of the same day, her mother threw Christina from the balcony of the 10th floor. "

"Children killed during drunkenness, the name is legion," writes the author of the article. The orphanages are overcrowded, part of the small population of the country is given to their parents to be torn apart.

"In Naberezhnye Chelny, a teetotal mother drowned her sons two, three and five years old in a bathtub."

"In Altai, a mother ... hanged her three-year-old son."

"Before the New Year, four babies were found in trash containers in Novosibirsk."

"12-year-old Anya was repeatedly raped and beaten by her father."

The reasons for infanticide are different, but one confession, as they say, from shocking to shocking: "She killed, and it became easier."

Let us dwell on the enumeration of this terrible series and recall the subject of our discussion. Maybe if at the beginning of these blatant stories a decision was made to deliberately childless marriage, their number would not be legion?

3.1. Divorces, repeated marriage and family relations.A fairly common alternative to traditional marriage and family relations. As a rule, as a result of a divorce, the child remains with the mother, and in the event of a new family, the problem of stepfathers arises. The latter rate themselves in the role of a father lower than fathers by blood. They play a more passive role in relation to the child, considering him less happy. But neither mother nor children are associated with this assessment. The results of longitudinal studies show that there are no significant differences.

Another type of family, where the fathers are the only parents, is becoming more common. If the father feels that he cannot fully meet all the needs of his children, he can invite a domestic worker to help with the housework and babysit. But can she satisfy the child's need for maternal affection? Much depends on her personal qualities, on the attitude of the father to the children and on themselves.

There are practically no studies devoted to the problems of the stepmother in the family. Although this situation is quite common in the field of marriage and family relations (remember the folk tales: an evil, despicable stepmother and a weak-willed father).

People preparing for life in a blended family should remember that each member of the new family had a past life and much of what happens to him today has its roots in the past.

Joining together in one family of children who are unfamiliar with each other and do not feel the stability of their position, according to V. Satir, can create enormous difficulties. They don't always share the joy of new spouses. So, there are mixed families with “your children”, “my children” and “our children”. This situation is fraught with special problems. Time, patience and the ability to live without being loved are very important here (at least at first). Why, after all, should a child automatically love a foster parent, and why should a foster parent automatically love someone else's child?

Difficulties awaiting spouses in a second marriage depend very much on the age of the children. If children are still young (no more than two or three years old), the past life, perhaps, will not have such a strong influence on them as on the elders. If the children are already adults, the new marriage may not affect them. If family affairs involve children in money, property and similar problems, it is important to reach mutual agreements here. There are cases when older children resisted a new marriage of their parents, because they were afraid of possible financial difficulties.

4.1. Open marriage.Its main feature is an unspoken or voiced agreement on the right to privacy. The main conflict in modern marriage is the impossibility of combining intimacy and free personal growth. The goal of an open marriage is to increase the openness, self-expression and authenticity of the relationship, and to increase the level of tolerance of partners towards each other.

Open marriage principles:

Creation of life based on the present and based on realistic desires;

Respectful attitude to the partner's private life;

Openness of communication: freely, openly express feelings (“Say what you see and feel, but without criticism”);

Mobility and flexibility of role-based communication;

Open partnership: have the right to their interests, their circle of friends;

Equality: fair sharing of responsibilities and benefits;

Authenticity: to know one's worth and not to let one's dignity be belittled;

Trust: a combination of "statistical" trust with "dynamic".

This marriage is a historically new phenomenon, since for traditionalrepresentations, he actually legitimizes the right to treason. But not everything is so simple. Discussions are resumed with some regularity as to whether human nature is polygamous or monogamous.

A. Rosenfeld writes that if, within a year after the death of a spouse, widowers enter newmarriage, then they do not get sick for a long time, live longer than men, whose family life has not been disturbed.

Quite often, marriage and family relations are shaken by the facts of betrayal of spouses. An open marriage arose as a rejection of the behavior of previous generations, whose representatives, faced with betrayal, began to "spy" on a partner, get jealous, and make scandals. Open marriage advocates believe that if a marriage exists onlyon a sense of duty, then he essentially exhausted himself, in addition, in the form of open marriage, they see an opportunity to protest against the church's prohibitions on divorce.

The emergence of an open marriage is also associated with the movement for the enrichment of marriage and family relations, which is realized through the absence of neurotic breakdowns in marriage, constant improvement of a person in marriage and family relations and the possibility of personal growth of partners, renewal of the family as a whole. The transition to open communication in marriage is contrasted with:

Punitive communication;

Subordinate communication;

"Cold" communication;

Pointless communication.

But in reality, this turns out to be a significant simplification of existing problems, and not a solution to them.

The fact is that the discussion about a person's polygamy / monogamy can be suspended by expressing a point of view about the egocentric nature of a person, which is especially clearly manifested in the same open marriages. Any free agreement loses its force if the lover clearly realizes that there is simply no place left for him in his partner's personal life. It is even more difficult when someone else begins to claim this place. A person does not want to give to others what belongs to him.

5.1, 5.3. Extramarital sex and intimate friendship... In both cases, we are talking about the presence of extramarital affairs of an intimate nature, "the bandwagon of new hobbies," according to A. Kronik.

He illustrates it with a fragment from E. Hemingway's book "The Holiday That Is Always With You", which describes "a way as old as the world": "It consists in the fact that a young unmarried woman temporarily becomes the best friend of a young married woman, husband and wife, and then imperceptibly, innocently and inexorably does everything to marry the husband to himself ... The appearance of such a friend has its advantages until it becomes clear where it leads. When the husband finishes his work, two attractive women are next to him. One is unusual and mysterious, and if he is unlucky, he will love both.

And then instead of them two and their child there are three of them. At first it invigorates and pleases, and for a while everything goes on like that. Anything really bad starts with the most innocent. And you live in the present day, enjoy what you have, and do not think about anything. You lie, and it is disgusting to you, and it ruins you, and every day threatens with more and more danger, but you live only in the present day, as in a war. "

New love interests are as old as the world, but coping with them can be difficult.

Sexual extramarital affairs presuppose (admit) some participation in joint household management, the appearance of illegitimate children is possible. Such a relationship between a man and an unmarried woman who has children from him is called konkubinat. In 1980, 10.8% of children were born out of wedlock in our country, in 1990 - 14.6%, in 1991 - 15.1%, in 1992 - 16.6%, in 1993 - - already 18.4%.

Extramarital sex is certainly associated with the expectation that the relationship in the primary couple will be interrupted and a new marriage will arise from this love affair. Lovers make an effort to achieve certain goals. They sacrifice these goals only when they understand that the expected joy will be completely fleeting and elusive.

As a rule, sexual extramarital affairs are not long-term: they either really develop into a new marriage, or become a burden, tiring, a person sooner or later becomes burdensome to play a double game. Satisfaction with marriage in the primary couple in such situations is also low.

Intimate friendship rarely threatens the stability of the primary marriage, it lasts a long time (sometimes about 10 years), at the same time, if it exists, there is a very high level of intimacy and trust in the primary couple.

5.2. Swinging.Swinging is the exchange of marriage partners. In this case, two married couples form a so-called "Swedish" family. Such an exchange of marriage partners originated in the 1970s. in Scandinavia. Currently, such alternative marriage and family ties are typical for 2% of the US population.

In studies of such married couples, a lesser connection between partners and parents in childhood was recorded, and there was practically no contact with their own children.

The initiators of such relationships are usually men; in a married couple, a high self-esteem of their marriage is noted.

6.1. Homosexual couples... Such marriage and family relations are based on same-sex love, which manifests itself in sexual attraction to persons of the same sex: man - man or woman - woman. Same-sex love rests on the same psychophysiological premises as heterosexual, and the final ratio of both is determined only in the process of individual development. Homosexuality is not a single phenomenon; its origins and forms are diverse. Despite the possible genetic predisposition to homosexuality, in general, it is built on the basis of individual experience and learning. The debate about whether to consider homosexuality as a personality trait, a lifestyle or something else, according to I.S.Kon, is unlikely to end in the near future. Whatever attitude homosexuality evokes towards itself in society, whatever reasons the true sexual orientation is determined, it is not a matter of free choice and cannot be changed arbitrarily.

According to some studies, the life path and personality traits of homosexuals have their own specifics (lack of male influence in childhood, bad relationships with fathers, the special influence of mothers with a puritanical character, whose sons were favorites, and they (mothers) wanted to be in the center of them). attention, early homosexual contacts with brothers and peers, etc.), according to others, no significant differences in the socialization of persons with a homosexual orientation were found. It should be noted that mainly men were involved in the research.

Homosexual couples in the case of same-sex love face the same problems as heterosexual ones: betrayal, jealousy, resentment, quarrels, misunderstanding, lack of trust, inconsistency of role attitudes and role coherence, monotony, etc.

The attitude towards homosexual couples in the world is different and extremely pronounced: from sharply negative to the official recognition of such a couple by the family, with the legal legalization of relations.

The danger is not in itself the fact of the existence of homosexual pairs of adult partners, since they do not threaten the life or health of other people, but a higher prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases in their environment. “This cannot but cause public concern, especially since it is more difficult to establish the sources of infection in a homosexual environment than in any other,” writes I. S. Kon.

M. Ridley is convinced that homosexuality is appropriate as long as living conditions are good and predictable, in these cases, same-sex love will do. When conditions are tense, extreme, in his opinion, heterogeneity of relations is necessary (many descendants are needed).

In terms of reproductive success, sexual reproduction is the foundation of life. Moreover, the sexual process is not just reproduction, it is mainly gene mixing (recombination and crossing). According to the apt expression of M. Ridley, this is a necessary and free exchange of successful genetic inventions, ensuring the reproduction of full-fledged offspring.

7.1. Group marriage, residential communities.Criticism of the social functions of the family, associated not only with the reproduction of the labor force and ensuring the integrity of society, but also with the stabilization of relations of domination, in the early 1970s. gave rise to attempts to oppose her with an alternative in the form of group marriage. Initially, group marriage was radical and often political, associated with drug orgies, group sex and terrorism. Since then, group marriage has evolved into residential communities and communes. V. Satyr uses the term "collective family" to refer to them.

From the point of view of the structure of relations, there are: residential communities of several small families (the so-called "big family"), residential communities of several pairs, residential communities of several persons not related to each other by paired relationships, as well as mixed forms. According to the criterion of the tasks facing them, student communes on university campuses, rural groups practicing macrobiotic cultivation methods, religious and treatment groups, cohabitation groups of the elderly, persons with reduced mobility, production and residential groups, as well as educational groups of parents with children (in the tradition of the anti-authoritarian education movement). Consider those groups that represent a temporary or long-term alternative to the family lifestyle.

Residential student communities have financial advantages, contribute to a pragmatic solution to the housing problem, and enable students, despite economic dependence, to live in a sexual and loving relationship. R. Sieder adds here a high level of experimentation and at the same time solidary group defense. The social structure of residential communities responds to claims of egalitarian rather than authoritarian relations. Currently, up to 30% of students live collectively on university campuses in Germany. Every fourth or fifth residential community includes children. Thus, residential communities represent one of the largest experimental models of non-traditional upbringing by a collective family.

V. Satyr finds the advantage of this type of family in the fact that the child sees before him different people with different characters. The main problem is that good relations must exist between all adults for such social education to give real results.

In residential communities, rarely does one group remain unchanged. In this sense, a residential community is more suited to the flexibility and mobility requirements of mainly young members (for example, to facilitate changing jobs or studies) than a family household. In connection with the social and psychological problems of adolescence and youth, life with peers performs an important orienting function. Belonging to residential communities can be considered as a stage of socialization, when the results of upbringing in a small family are partially corrected.

Utopian notions like the abolition of couples, "free sex life", etc., as they try to implement in group marriage, fail. One of the reasons is the same, already mentioned, notorious egocentrism of the individual: jealousy of spouses and children arises. For the majority of people impossiblelove other people's children as their own. Of course, the willingness to experiment in matters of eroticism, sexuality, fidelity, or breakup in relationships in residential groups is generally higher than among people living with small families.

Sharing household chores and raising children allows you to control the fair distribution of household chores and childcare. Thus, there is a tendency to eliminate the division of labor on the basis of gender. An individual couple is freed from the burden of excessive demands on themselves.

In residential communities, there is a high degree of material security for an individual, because in moments of lack of earnings and money, the solidarity of the group protects him from moral and physical decline. Common ownership of the means of production exists in rural communes, residential and production cooperatives. Collective use rights reduce the need and value of personal property. Personal needs are under the control of the group. Sharing commodities limits their prestige and fetish character.

Residential communities have so far been more conducive to the formation of environmental awareness and alternative consumer behavior than ordinary families.

So let's summarize. The loss of its former meaning by a legal marriage, the weakening of parental and kinship family relations, the separation of marital, sexual and reproductive behavior, the crisis of the modern family signal a trend towards the emergence of alternative forms of marriage and family relations. The outlined alternatives to family and marriage are still limited to minorities and young people. Most people live in traditional forms of family and marriage. The strongest argument in favor of traditional options remains the interests of children. Nevertheless, the increase in the possibility of divorce and the alternatives that have emerged affect those who live in traditional marriages as well. Traditional forms of marriage and family relations seem less durable, less variable and less self-evident than before. Tolerance towards a minority that does not live in marriage and family (“like everyone else”) is increasing significantly. Together with it, the requirements for the quality of their own married and family life are increasing for the majority.

For Russians, British or Americans, there is only one kind of civilized form of marriage - monogamy, i.e. marriage of one man to one woman (at the same time). However, in the development of most societies, polygamy was practiced i.e. forms of marriage in which there is more than one partner in the marriage. Polygamous marriage (Polygamy from the Greek. Poly - a lot + Gamos - marriage) - polygamy; a form of marriage that allows more than one spouse. Three forms of polygamy are theoretically possible. First, a group marriage, in which several men and several women are simultaneously in a marriage relationship with each other. A very rare form of polygamous marriage is polyandry, when a woman has multiple husbands. The most common form of polygamous marriage is polygyny, or polygamy (Polygyny from the Greek Polys - numerous + Gyne - wife).

In the primitive era, there was a group marriage, when every man of a certain group of the tribe was considered the husband of every woman of his other group. The overwhelming majority of modern inhabitants of the Earth prefer a monogamous form of marriage - the union of one man with one woman, which is most appropriate for the needs and capabilities of a person as a person. In recent decades, alternatives to monogamous marriage have emerged in America and Western Europe — group marriages (“communal marriages”), open marriages (allowing for adultery by agreement between spouses), and trial marriages. The advantage of such marriages has not been proven. On the contrary, all the data indicate that it is a full-fledged monogamous marriage, as opposed to a fictitious one, that is a condition for the preservation and development of a personality, since, as a rule, it is distinguished by an atmosphere of love and respect, the ability of spouses to cooperate in solving life problems, to spiritual mutual enrichment. ...

There are alternative families such as:

Loneliness. This category is made up of people who have never been married, i.e. existing in a monovariant. At present, young people in general retain their attitude towards marriage, but the number of people who think differently is growing.

Unregistered cohabitation. This form of informal marriage and family relations has become widespread in Russia under the name "civil marriage", which is terminologically incorrect, since it is a legal, legally formalized marriage that is a civil marriage, which is recorded by the civil registration (registry office).

Consciously childless marriage. 10% of women in industrialized countries do not want to have children, in Russia - up to 1%. Voluntary sterilization is increasing throughout these countries. For Russia, mass abortion is more typical.

Re-marriages. A fairly common alternative to traditional marriage and family relations. As a rule, as a result of a divorce, the child remains with the mother, and in the event of a new family, the problem of stepfathers arises. Stepfathers evaluate themselves in the role of a father somewhat lower than fathers by blood; they take a more passive role in relation to the child, considering the latter less happy.

Open marriage. Its main feature is an unspoken or voiced agreement on personal life. The main conflict in modern marriage is the impossibility of combining intimacy and free personal growth. The goal of an open marriage is to increase the openness, self-expression and authenticity of the relationship, and to increase the partners' tolerance to each other.

Extramarital sex and intimate friendship. In both cases, we are talking about the presence of extramarital affairs of an intimate nature. However, the first assumes (admits) some participation in joint management of the household, the appearance of illegitimate children is possible. Such a relationship between a man and an unmarried woman who has children from him is called a complex. Intimate friendship rarely threatens the stability of the primary marriage, it can last for a long time (about 10 years), at the same time, if it exists, the level of intimacy and trust in the primary couple is very high.

Swinging. Swinging is the exchange of married couples. In this case, two married couples form a so-called "Swedish" family.

Homosexual couples. Such marriage and family relations are based on same-sex love, which manifests itself in sexual attraction to persons of the same sex. Same-sex love rests on the same psychophysiological premises as heterosexual, and the final ratio of both is determined only in the process of individual development.

Group marriage, residential communities, collective family. Initially, group marriage was radical and often political in nature, associated with drug orgies, group sex and terrorism. Since then, group marriage has evolved into residential communities and communes (collective families).

Marriage is a special social institution, a historically conditioned, socially regulated form of relations between a man and a woman, establishing their rights and obligations in relation to each other and to their children [Zatsepin, 1991]. Marriage is the foundation of family formation.

Safe barracks

Unsuccessful marriages

1. Falling in love, passionate love, turning into a stable conjugal friendship. 2. Spouses consistently show respect for each other, do not violate or hurt the partner's self-esteem. 3. Even in conflict crisis situations, spouses do not seek to focus on each other's personal qualities. 4. In conflict situations, spouses are able to yield to each other, and it is relatively easy to make compromise decisions. 5. Spouses show sufficient tolerance for a partner's views that they do not share. 6. Spouses are considerate and respectful of each other. 7. There is no selfishness in the behavior of the spouses. 8. Spouses respect each other's interests. 9. Spouses are kindly and benevolent towards each other, they accumulate mostly positive emotions in relation to their partner. 10. They are able to forgive each other's mistakes and mistakes. 11. Both spouses have a stable social and psychological attitude to preserve the marriage. 12. On the main issues of the life of the family and between the spouses there is agreement. 13. In general, spouses can resolve conflicts that arise. 14. The ability to work together is well developed. 15. In relations between spouses, tolerance, condescension, tact prevails. 16. Democratic style prevails. 17. Financial contradictions are resolved through mutual concessions, compromises, conciliatory agreements. 18.Motto: Family is my refuge, my fortress. 19. Seek to accept each other as they are. 20. Both spouses had a prosperous childhood in a prosperous parental family.

1. Falling in love and passion, eventually fade away without turning into spousal friendship. 2. Spouses lose respect for each other, offend and humiliate their partner. 3. Quarrels and conflicts often turn into mutual insults. Self-esteem is diminished. 4. In conflict situations, spouses are not capable of compromises and concessions. 5. Not able to show tolerance for the views of the partner. 6. are careless and disrespectful to each other. 7. Selfish by nature. 8. No consideration of each other's interest. 9. Negative emotions accumulate. They treat each other with distrust. 10. They are not able to forgive each other's mistakes and miscalculations. 11. One or both spouses admit the possibility of divorce. The attitudes to preserve marriage are weakened. 12. On the main issues of life, the spouses disagree in many respects. 13. Can't find compromise solutions. 14. Poorly developed ability to work together. 15. Obstinacy, stubbornness, imperiousness prevail. 17. Financial contradictions are disruptive and negatively affect the sustainability of a marriage. 18. The family is not a psychological and social refuge. 19. They strive to correct, re-educate each other. 20. The couple had a dysfunctional childhood in a dysfunctional family. I did not rewrite everything, because in each column there are 39 points of one and the same. I wrote out the main thing.

Crisis phenomena in a modern family, jealousy, betrayal, psychological incompatibility.

According to scientific views, "crisis" means a moment of imbalance in the system, loss of correspondence (balance) between the problems of the individual and the resources that exist to resolve them.

Conventionally, all existing crises of family life are considered as two variants of crises.

Development crisis. These are crises that predictably arise during life and at different stages of family development (birth of a child, marriage, growing up of children, etc.).

The crisis of the situation. Most crises fall into this category and are unpredictable stressors (job loss, divorce, conflict, etc.).

Jealousy is a difficult feeling. From our point of view, it can include three main components: a feeling of ownership, unwillingness to allow oneself to be compared with a possible rival and fear of losing in the eyes of a loved one in this comparison, fear of losing love for oneself. The first two components of jealousy are undoubtedly negative. The third must be present in true love.

Marital fidelity problems are among the most common in family counseling practice. In most cases, women turn to for psychological help about adultery.

Despite the fact that adultery almost always leads to various types of destruction of family relations - quarrels, conflicts, crises, divorces - modern society treats this problem differently.

Extramarital contacts and relationships, traditionally referred to as "adultery", in another way are called adultery, which translated from French (adultere) - violation of marital fidelity, adultery, adultery. In the dictionary of the Russian language by SI Ozhegov, a person is called unfaithful, "who cannot be trusted, who has violated his obligations to someone", and treason is interpreted as "violation of fidelity to someone". Based on these definitions adultery should be considered as a violation of fidelity in relation to the person with whom the marriage is concluded. The main indicators of adultery are sexual relations with another partner and the prohibition on them by the marriage partner, conspiracy of meetings, while the presence of an emotional connection is not necessary. Thus, adultery can be defined as a voluntarily admitted sexual relationship with an extramarital partner, into which one of the spouses enters in secret or without the permission of the person with whom the marriage is concluded.

Cheating as a variant of disrupting married life differs significantly from other types of family destruction: conflicts, quarrels, antisocial behavior, crises, divorces, etc. Adultery can occur in practically healthy, socially prosperous families and absent in destroyed ones. The area of \u200b\u200bits manifestation is the sexual-love relationship of the spouses, while a quarrel, conflict, crisis do not have such a qualitative certainty and can develop in the field of everyday, economic, parental and other relations.

Differences between people are one of the leading causes of conflict. In addition, factors such as:

Different perceptions of the world.

Different attitudes of people towards their duties.

Different understanding of the meaning of the work performed.

Various degrees of preparedness for the work performed.

The opposite of interests.

The difference in character traits.

Generalized marriage models. (from Prokhorova's book) Each marriage is unique in its own way, just as the personalities of each of the spouses are unique and inimitable. V.A. Sysenko developed generalized models of marital relationships, which are a set of their characteristics. Successful marriages: show of respect for each other by spouses, in conflict situations, spouses are able to yield to each other, make compromise decisions, show tolerance for the partner's views, lack of selfishness in behavior, take into account each other's interests, know how to forgive each other's mistakes, spouses constantly communicate and discuss household chores, the basic life values \u200b\u200bof the spouses coincide, they like to spend holidays and weekends with the family, tolerance, tactfulness, indulgence prevail in relationships, they show sympathy, compassion, tolerance to each other, a democratic style prevails in relationships, sexual life is harmonious, the spouses had a prosperous childhood in a prosperous parental family. Dysfunctional marriages: spouses lose respect for each other, quarrels and conflicts often turn into mutual insults, in conflict situations, spouses are not capable of concessions and compromises, are not able to show tolerance, are inattentive and disrespectful to each other, there is no consideration of each other's interests, not capable to forgive mistakes, spouses communicate irregularly, in the relationship between spouses intransigence, stubbornness, imperiousness prevail, the general psychological climate in the family is bleak and generally pessimistic, there are contradictions and disharmony in sexual life, spouses are focused on the negative qualities of each other, the desire to re-educate each other, a manifestation of pettiness, selfishness. In a conflict family, the relationship between parents and children is not stable, family members are not able to consistently, reasonably resist the destructive influences of society. The style of communication is peculiar - inconsistency, spontaneity of reactions, a manifestation of psychological incompatibility. The problems are related to differences in views on the upbringing of children, material support of the family and its individual members, education, etc. A family in crisis becomes in a situation that requires immediate and urgent intervention from the outside (mental disorder of the parents, affective state: binge, aggression, etc.). The family itself is in a state of stress, unable to stabilize the situation and make a decision. The social circle of such a family is limited, the emotional closeness of its members is absent, and children may occasionally leave the family for a short time. This often results in decisions on deprivation of parental rights, of a child - of a family. In these cases, measures should be taken to treat the parents and temporarily remove the child from the family. Functionally bankrupt family. Its adult members do not fulfill family responsibilities, which is why conflicts are brewing in the relationship between parents and children. Parents have no skills, and even more desire to raise children. A similar situation is quite often accompanied by the departure of the child from the family. At the expense of such families, the number of street children and fugitive children, deprived of parental rights of their parents, is increasing. Asocial family. Such families lead an immoral lifestyle (alcoholism, prostitution, mental disorders), parents have a low educational level, antisocial views. Social support is not needed by the family, but only by children, whose rights must be protected. With adults - the work of law enforcement agencies

FAMILY AS A UNIT OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ANALYSIS

1.1. General information about the family, its functions, structure and dynamics

1.1.1. Family and its modern models

A family- the cell of society (small social group), the most important form of organizing personal life, based on the marital union and family ties - the relationship between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters and other relatives living together and leading a joint household (Soloviev N. Ya., 1977). According to opinion polls, the following desires are the main reasons for creating a family in our country (Matskovsky M.S., 1990):

Have children, continue the birth (66% of the respondents);

Being with someone who can understand and provide support (45%);

To be needed by another person (37%);

Fulfill a person's moral obligation to educate a family (27%);

Avoid loneliness (26%);

Have an organized life (24%);

Not parting with a loved one (19%);

Have a regular sexual partner (7%).

The older the respondent, the more likely they are to choose marriage and family as a way of life.

For a person, the family is the main and main component of the environment in which he lives the first quarter of his life and which he tries to build for the rest of his life. According to VN Druzhinin, a specific feature of the family is its “lack of freedom” - in the sense of imposing certain rules of life on a person. However, this lack of freedom has its advantages, since it provides family members with the opportunity to optimally satisfy their natural and cultural needs (Druzhinin V.N. 1996).

It is impossible to understand and assess the state and prospects of the modern family, ignoring the cardinal changes taking place with it during the XX century. (the emancipation of children from their parents, the transition from a closed to an open system of marriage formation, a change in the social status of women, an increase in the personal freedom of each member of society, etc.). At the same time, the transformation of the institution of the family solves some problems and creates others. It is becoming more obvious that such trends as the massive spread of premarital sexual behavior among young people, declining birth rates, few children and conscious childlessness should be considered as signs of significant shifts in the very institution of the family. According to S. I. Golod, three models of the family are currently functioning simultaneously: patriarchal, child-centered and marital, which in reality are mutually intertwined (Golod S. I., 1998).

Patriarchal family- the most archaic. Leading in it is the consanguineous relationship: the dependence of the wife on her husband, children on their parents, in connection with which there is a rigid consolidation of family roles. The marriage is outwardly stable, the family consists of several generations: grandparents, parents and children. Large families are encouraged. The husband is considered the main one: all the economic resources of the family are concentrated in his hands, he owns the main decisions. The wife takes her husband's surname, obeys him and treats him with respect. Its main functions are to give birth and raise children, to run a household. Such a family is characterized by parental power and an authoritarian upbringing system.

Childcentric familyelevates the role of privacy, intimacy and value in children. The relationship between husband and wife is more or less equal; sexuality practiced in marriage is not limited to childbirth. Spouses regulate the timing and frequency of conception and jointly decide on the number of children. Socialization takes on a different meaning, since the family may not have a brother or sister, few cousins, contacts with whom are sometimes reduced to a minimum. The child turns into an object of special parental care and persistent affection, they try to give him the maximum possible education. Parenthood is the main function of the family, and parenting styles range from authoritarian to pampering. In general, children enjoy more material and spiritual benefits than their parents, and can act as the main meaning of the family. In the absence of fixed family expectations and roles, the importance of mutual adaptation of spouses (psychological, everyday, sexual, spiritual, etc.) increases. Elderly parents do not want to live in the home of their children, who are members of the Brak; adult children, in turn, prefer independence. At the same time, a young family, separated from the parental one, does not lose touch with it. Parents provide material and moral support to children, hoping that they, in turn, will do the same towards them.

Changed in the XX century. social status of women leads to the emergence married family.Women are mastering new spheres of activity - social-labor and political-cultural, begin to transform the family sphere and successfully combine all this. This state of affairs is facilitated by the disappearance of the “double” standard in terms of educational and training opportunities, the participation of women in public life, the industrialization of domestic life, the increase in the number of children's educational institutions and the ability to plan the number of children. However, men, having lost their professional monopoly, are in no hurry to part with "traditional" family privileges, which gives rise to numerous family conflicts.

Sociologists believe that in the modern world there is a need to create a new family model that will satisfy both those people who prefer freedom and those who, above all, value home comfort.
And futurologists - specialists in the future insist that a guest marriage will soon become such a new model of the family.

Before explaining what a guest marriage is, let's recall other, more famous family models.
1) Traditional marriage: the most common form, including registration, cohabitation, common household, and, as a rule, a single budget and the head of the family responsible for making decisions.
2) Trial marriage (civil or unregistered marriage): differs from the traditional lack of registration, and from ordinary love relationships by the presence of a common living space and a joint household. As a rule, partners plan to "test their feelings" by harsh everyday life, or they believe that it is not at all necessary to devote the state, represented by official bodies, to their personal lives.
3) Seasonal marriage (limited time family): is concluded for a certain period, after which it is considered automatically terminated. Spouses re-weigh all the pros and cons of living together and choose: to part with them or to agree for another period of time. Proponents of this form of marriage are of the opinion that adults grow out of relationships like children of old clothes.
4) Communal marriage or "Swedish family": a family with several men and several women. They are connected not only and not so much by common sex as by common household and friendly relations. If children appear in such families, they are brought up by all members of the "commune" who are guided by the idea - the more men and women before the eyes of a child, the more opportunities he has to learn about the diversity of the world.
5) Open marriage: a traditional family in which spouses allow hobbies and intimate relationships on the side. There can be all kinds of options: from disguising betrayals under the threat of rupture to an open discussion of the "adventures" of each of the spouses. In the extreme, it can be a family-wide hobby, up to joint participation in group sex.
And finally Guest or extraterritorial marriage : a family in which the couple is registered, but the spouses each live with themselves. From time to time they meet, have dinner together in a cafe, spend a married night, sometimes live together, but they do not run a common household. They go to visit each other, from time to time they spend vacations together. The rest of the time, each of them is free from family responsibilities and lives his own life. Psychologists are of the opinion that traditional marriage is a female lifestyle, and extraterritorial or guest marriage is a male vision of marriage - and freedom is whole, and a wife is available. A guest marriage is a family that men invented and which women like more and more every year.
In such a marriage, many problems are solved that seem insoluble in the traditional one. Nobody pesters with questions "when will you come" and "where have you been" nobody solicits, the husband ceases to be a boring exhibit in family shorts, but remains an interesting man, and a woman does not frighten with a mask with fresh cucumbers on her face and always remains attractive ...

Children are an important issue. In practice, children born in guest marriages are raised by a mother and absolutely all the same worries as in an ordinary family fall on her shoulders. But - without the daily presence of the dad's child in the life of the child, who wants to come to visit with cakes, dolls or cars, and does not want to - will spend a fun evening in the company of equally carefree friends or girlfriends. And the woman cannot influence this situation in any way, since everything has already been discussed.
In the event that the husband turns out to be a loving father of several, then after a while the family will look like an ordinary, traditional and such an outdated family.