Parenting styles are educational mistakes. Analysis of interpersonal relationships in the family through the eyes of older preschool children. Liberal type of communication

Parenting styles

In the psychological literature, the concepts of "parenting style", "type of family education", "parental position" are very often viewed as synonyms. In this work, the style of family education is understood as a multidimensional education that includes cognitive, emotional and behavioral components, based on the definition of A.Ya. Varga, which describes the style of parenting as a holistic system of various feelings in relation to the child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with the child, the characteristics of perception and understanding of the child's character, his actions (Varga A.Ya., 1986).

The concept of "parental style" or "parenting style" is often used synonymously with the concept of "position", although it is more expedient to retain the term "style" to denote attitudes and appropriate behavior that are not associated with this particular child, but characterize the attitude towards children in general.

The style of family education should be understood as the most characteristic ways of parenting to a child, using certain means and methods of pedagogical influence, which are expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal treatment and interaction.

For the first time, the problem of parenting styles was investigated by A. Adler (1932). A. Adler described unfavorable childhood situations associated with parental education, on the basis of which the child forms erroneous ideas about life. These include child pampering and child neglect. These destructive parenting styles impede the development of a child's social interest, or social feeling - the ability to take an interest in others and take part in them. A. Adler emphasizes that connivance and permissiveness on the part of parents leads to the development of inadequate ideas about oneself, about the world around us, and ways of constructive interaction with other people. Emotionally rejected, neglected by parents, children will underestimate their own strengths, exaggerate the difficulties of life tasks, they may have difficulties in interpersonal relationships.

The chosen style of upbringing for a child depends on the life style of the parent's personality, i.e. from the value that a person attaches to the world and to himself, his goals, the direction of his aspirations and the approaches that he uses in solving life problems. And the style of parenting, in turn, has a direct impact on the formation of the child's lifestyle, because life style is formed very early (before the age of five) (A. Adler, 1998).

The style of family upbringing, determined by parental value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude towards the child, the peculiarity of the child's perception of the parent and the ways of behavior with him, is a significant factor in the formation of the self-concept in childhood, determines the cognitive development of the child, his position in relation to the world

A. Baldwin (1906) identified two styles of parenting: democratic and controlling.

The democratic style is characterized by the following parameters: a high degree of verbal communication between parents and children, the involvement of children in the discussion of family problems, the success of the child when the parents are always ready to help, the desire to reduce subjectivity in the child's vision.

A controlling style presupposes significant restrictions on the child's behavior in the absence of disagreements between parents and children about disciplinary measures, a clear understanding of the meaning of restrictions by the child. The requirements of the parents can be quite strict, but they are presented to the child constantly and consistently and are recognized by the child as fair and justified (Craig G., 2000).

A. Baldwin (1975) emphasizes that with authoritarian parents, children become irritable, prone to conflicts. Authoritarian parents believe that a child should not be given too much freedom and rights, that he should obey their will and authority in everything. It is no coincidence that these parents in their educational practice, trying to develop discipline in the child, as a rule, do not leave him the opportunity to choose options for behavior, limit his independence, deprive him of the right to object to elders, even if the child is right. Authoritarian parents often do not consider it necessary to substantiate their claims in any way. Strict control over the behavior of the child is the basis of their upbringing, which does not go beyond severe prohibitions, reprimands and often physical punishment. The most common method of disciplinary action is intimidation and threats.

Such parents exclude emotional closeness with children, they are stingy with praise, so a feeling of affection rarely arises between them and the children.

However, tight control rarely gives a positive result. With such upbringing, children only develop a mechanism of external control, develop a sense of guilt or fear of punishment and, as a rule, have too little self-control, if any. Children of authoritarian parents find it difficult to connect with peers due to their constant vigilance and even hostility towards others. They are suspicious, sullen, anxious and therefore unhappy.

For condescending parents, children become impulsive and aggressive. As a rule, condescending parents are not inclined to control their children, allowing them to do as they please, without requiring them to be responsible and self-controlled. These parents allow their children to do whatever they want, to the point of not paying attention to the outbursts of anger and aggressive behavior that get in trouble. In children, however, most often there are disagreements with discipline, often their behavior becomes simply uncontrollable. How do indulgent parents deal with such cases? Usually they become desperate and react very sharply - they rudely and sharply ridicule the child, and in fits of anger they can use physical punishment. They deprive children of parental love, attention and sympathy (Schneider LB, 2000).

The authoritarian style, which implies tough leadership, suppression of initiative and coercion, finds justification in the need to subordinate the child to school discipline. The own motives and motives of authoritarian parents always come first, and the motives and motives of the child are secondary to them. Shouting and physical punishment is a typical form that expresses the authority of an adult over a child. At the same time, love for the child is not excluded, which can be expressed quite expressively. In such families, people grow up either insecure, neurotic, or aggressive and authoritarian - a likeness of their parents. In school, these personality traits are already manifested in relationships with peers.

In the works of Brunswick (1948), Goof (1950), Kutner (1958) and many other researchers, it is shown that a characteristic feature of the behavior of authoritarian parents is their striving for categorical judgment and clarity in any situation. Therefore, any punishment, any requirement for a child does not contain even a hint of readiness to accept the child, help him in something or convince him. Such parents may at times sincerely believe that their child is bad entirely, without any reservations. As a result, the child becomes more confident that he is not accepted, not approved, and this ultimately leads to the conviction that he is of little value and uselessness. In the behavior of children of authoritarian parents, as a rule, one feels tension, an element of frustration arising from an indefinite self-concept and its negative orientation in general.

In addition, any new or unclear situation in such children is associated with the possibility of punishment, which in turn is accompanied by increased anxiety and discomfort. And since many situations are uncertain for a child, he is in an anxious state almost all the time.

The own motives and motives of authoritarian parents always come first, and the motives and motives of the child are secondary to them. As a rule, they are convinced of their own infallibility, they are sure that they cannot be wrong, therefore they demand absolute submission to their will.

I must say that these extremes in upbringing ultimately close the child's path to participation in full-fledged, human relationships, prevent the formation of his normal self-concept. Punishments emanating from a cold, disinterested adult sometimes even have a tinge of vengefulness.

Authoritarian methods of upbringing lead the relationship between parents and children into a vicious circle, where hostility meets hostility, and, moreover, the self-concept of the child becomes a concentration of resentment and hidden grievances. The child may be painfully shy and socially passive, as he hesitates to prove himself, fearing failure, criticism, or punishment. We can say that with such an upbringing, a prejudice against himself is formed in the child. But people often tend to transfer to others the feelings they feel about themselves, so low self-esteem, as a rule, leads to low appreciation of other people. When irrational authority reigns in the family, there is no place for independence and spontaneity, and no one thinks about the need to respect the feelings of the child. Massen and Kagan (1958) find that severe parents are more likely to conflict with their children. As a result, their children learn to relieve stress by yielding to their parents, and they develop conflict behavior.

The rules and restrictions imposed by authoritarian parents do not imply exceptions, their requirements are categorical. “Do this because I said so” - this is the formula that excludes questions and objections. Parental authority asserts itself without any explanation, without the slightest participation of the child in the decision-making process. Parents arrogate to themselves the exclusive right to determine everything that concerns the living conditions of the child, and expect him to fully recognize this right.

Such parents tend to see everything as either black or white, rejecting halftones. It is also possible that the parents themselves in these cases are neurotics with increased anxiety and a tendency to self-deprecation. They convey to children not only authoritarian attitudes, but also doubts about their own worth.

From these positions, the development process is understood as the development of certain personal qualities that are able to preserve, protect a person from traumatic parental influence. Therefore, the child must develop special protective mechanisms that protect him from the threat or turn it to his advantage. Having arisen in childhood, the corresponding mechanisms of protection in the future, when the child himself becomes a parent, completely determine the entire gamut of attitudes towards his own child.

For example, a child living under the oppression of a tyrant father can defend himself by developing a system of emotional reactions in which unquestioning, long-term obedience, which is in itself a defense mechanism of the "I", becomes a source of derogatory satisfaction and masochistic pleasure.

When such a child grows up, his life will be largely determined by the defense mechanism "I", formed earlier in the emotional reaction to the father, who acted towards him as a hostile social agent. Such a person will find satisfaction in submission to his superiors, his wife, he will have a tendency in any interaction to take a position "under", including in relation to his own children. Such a parent is characterized by a feeling of insecurity, it is difficult for him to create his own authority in the eyes of children, his children are capable of even becoming tyrants.

Meanwhile, the situation may turn out differently. A child with a father of the same type can build a defense "I" in the opposite direction. He can rebel against paternal authority, find satisfaction or even sadistic satisfaction in harm and destruction in childhood and adulthood. Such a person creates a position “above”. Such a structure of relations with the father can cause emotional reactions of the belligerent-anarchic type in the child. And having become a parent, such a person can manifest a well-established mechanism, directing it to his own child, who becomes completely dependent.

The liberal-permissive style implies communication with the child on the principle of permissiveness. Such a child does not know other relationships except asserting himself through demands: "Give!", "Me!", "I want!", Whims, demonized offenses, etc. Connivance leads to the fact that he cannot develop into a socially mature person. It lacks the most important thing that is necessary for the correct social development of a child - the understanding of the word "must". In such a family, an egoist who is dissatisfied with the people around is formed, who does not know how to enter into normal relationships with other people - he is conflicted and difficult. At school, a child from such a family is doomed to failure in communication - after all, he is not accustomed to yield, to subordinate his desires to common goals. His social egocentrism does not make it possible to normally master the social space of human relations.

One of the options for the liberal-conniving style in the family is overprotection. The overprotective style initially deprives the child of independence in physical, mental and social development. In this case, the family completely fixes its attention on the child: due to the possible threat of an accident or serious illness; because of the desire to compensate for their failures with the future successes of the child; because of the assessment of their child as a child prodigy, etc. In such a family, parents dissolve in the child, devote their whole life to him. Voluntary sacrifice neurotic parents, they hope for the gratitude of their child in the future, not seeing gratitude in the present, suffer, not realizing that they are raising an infantile, insecure, also neurotic person, completely devoid of independence. Such a child constantly listens to his feelings: does the "head", "tummy", "neck" hurt? Diminutive names for parts of his body will remain in his vocabulary for a long time and will cause an ironic attitude of peers. And infantile and dependent behavior will deprive him of the opportunity to communicate with them on an equal footing. He will take a subordinate position, finding a patron among his classmates.

A value-based attitude towards a child with high reflection and responsibility for him is the most effective style of upbringing. Here, the child is expressed love and benevolence, they play and talk with him on topics of interest to him. At the same time, he is not "put on his head" and is offered to reckon with others. He knows what "must" is, and knows how to discipline himself. In such a family, a full-fledged person grows up with a sense of dignity and responsibility for loved ones. At school, a child from such a family quickly gains independence, he knows how to build relationships with classmates, while maintaining a sense of his own dignity and knows what discipline is.

The listed styles of communication in the family, with all the differences, have one thing in common - parents are not indifferent to their children. They love their children, and the parenting style is often consistent, passed down from generation to generation in the family. Only a family with the ability to reflect on the characteristics of a child is consciously looking for the most effective style of his individual upbringing.

The analysis of vertical family relationships will be incomplete if one does not indicate another parenting style that is not at all aimed at education. It is about alienated family relationships.

The alienated style of relationship implies a deep indifference of adults to the personality of the child. In such a family, parents either “do not see” their child, or actively avoid communicating with him and prefer to keep him at a distance (psychological distance). The parents' disinterested style of development and inner life of the child makes him lonely, unhappy. Subsequently, he develops an alienated attitude towards people or aggressiveness. At school, a child from such a family is insecure, neurotic, he experiences difficulties in relationships with peers.

IN AND. Garbuzov (1990), noting the decisive role of educational influences in the formation of the characterological characteristics of a child, identified three styles of improper upbringing.

Upbringing according to type A (rejection, emotional rejection) - rejection of the individual characteristics of the child, combined with strict control, with the imperative imposition of the only correct type of behavior on him. Upbringing type A can be combined with a lack of control, complete connivance.

Type B (hyper-socializing) upbringing is expressed in the parents' alarming and suspicious conception of the child's health, his social status among his comrades, and especially at school, and the expectation of academic success and future professional activity.

Upbringing by type C (egocentric) - cultivating the attention of all family members to the child (the idol of the family), sometimes to the detriment of other children or family members (Garbuzov V.I., 1990).

Of the classifications that compare the features of the formation of the personality of children and the styles of family education, the most interesting, detailed is the classification proposed by A.E. Lichko and E.G. Eidemiller for teenagers. The authors identified the following deviations in family parenting styles:

Hypoprotection. Characterized by a lack of guardianship and control. The child is left unattended. Little attention is paid to a teenager, there is no interest in his affairs, physical abandonment and neglect are frequent. With latent hypoprotection, control and care are formal, parents are not included in the child's life. The child's non-inclusion in the life of the family leads to antisocial behavior due to the dissatisfaction of the need for love and affection.

Dominant hyperprotection. It manifests itself in increased, heightened attention and care, excessive care and petty control of behavior, surveillance, prohibitions and restrictions. The child is not taught to be independent and responsible. This leads either to a reaction of emancipation, or to lack of initiative, inability to stand up for oneself.

Conniving hyperprotection. This is how the upbringing of the “idol of the family” is called. Parents strive to free the child from the slightest difficulty, indulge his desires, overly adore and patronize, admire his minimal success, and demand the same admiration from others. The result of such upbringing is manifested in a high level of aspirations, a desire for leadership with insufficient perseverance and self-reliance.

Emotional rejection. The child is weighed down. His needs are ignored. Sometimes he is mistreated. Parents (or their “deputies” - stepmother, stepfather, etc.) consider the child a burden and show general dissatisfaction with the child. Latent emotional rejection is often encountered: parents seek to disguise the real attitude towards the child with increased care and attention to him. This parenting style has the most negative impact on a child's development.

Abusive relationships. They can appear openly when the child is ripped off the evil, using violence, or be hidden when there is a "wall" of emotional coldness and hostility between the parent and the child.

Increased moral responsibility. The child is required to be honest, decency, a sense of duty, not appropriate for his age. Ignoring the interests and capabilities of the teenager, they make him responsible for the well-being of loved ones. He is forcibly credited with the role of "head of the family." Parents hope for a special future for their child, and the child is afraid to disappoint them. Often he is entrusted with caring for younger children or the elderly.

In addition, the following deviations in the style of parenting are also distinguished: preference for female qualities (PFA), preference for male qualities (MVP), preference for children's qualities (MPC), expansion of the sphere of parental feelings (RFE), fear of loss of a child (FU), underdevelopment of parental feelings (LRF), the projection of one's own undesirable qualities (PMC), the introduction of conflict between spouses in the sphere of education (VC).

AND I. Varga and V.V. Stolin distinguishes four styles of parenting:

2. Rejecting with elements of infantilization and social disability - emotional rejection of the child, low value of his individual characterological properties, attitude as if he were younger in comparison with real age, attribution of bad inclinations.

3. Symbiotic - the desire to establish close intense emotional contact with the child, to participate in all the little things in his life.

A detailed classification of inadequate styles of family education, based on many years of research, was given by A.E. Lichko. The following ten types of family education have been identified: hypoprotection, dominant hyperprotection, conniving hyperprotection, education in the cult of illness, emotional rejection, cruel attitude, increased moral responsibility, contradictory education and education outside the family.

In the book "How to be parents: on the psychology of parental love" A.S. Spivakovskaya identified the following styles of ill-considered educational influence on children:

"Family - a sanatorium". Petty guardianship, tight control and overprotection from perceived dangers. As a result, excessive overloads of the child's nervous system, in which nervous breakdowns occur, emotional characteristics such as increased sensitivity and irritability are formed. With increased control and guardianship in children, protest reactions intensify, aggressiveness increases and there is a desire to decisively change the situation.

"Family is a fortress". Parents try to do what is pointedly correct, unnecessarily principled. This leads to increased child self-doubt, lack of initiative. In many cases, the concentration of the child's attention on his own inner experiences is fixed, which leads to his psychological isolation, causes difficulties in communicating with peers. "Family is a fortress" usually leads the child to a constant intrapersonal conflict, therefore, to overstrain the nervous system and an increased risk of neurotic diseases.

"Family is the third extra." In such a family, marital relations are emotionally exaggeratedly significant, and parents tend to instill in the child a feeling of inferiority, fixing attention on shortcomings and imperfections, which again gives the child a feeling of self-doubt, lack of initiative, painful experiences of his own inferiority with increased dependence, subordination to parents. Such children often have fears for the life and health of their parents, they hardly endure separation from them and find it difficult to find contact with others.

N.Yu. Sinyagina singled out groups of families according to the style of parenting a child: "favorable" and "unfavorable", and made their typical profiles (Table 2)

table 2

Typical profiles of parenting affecting a child's social adaptation.

Family group	Subgroup	Characteristic of the profile of parenting
Favorable	Understanding	They know their child well, really assess him and his actions, react adequately and flexibly to various situations, are able to take the child's position, accept his point of view, are dialogical, understand and accept the child as he is. Sensitive, often talk about the child, worry with him, are able to protect him in any situation
Patronizing	They know their child well, really appreciate him and his actions, and react adequately to them. However, in communicating with a child, they take the position of an elder, do not accept dialogue, consider their point of view to be the only correct one
Indifferent	They know little of their child and do not seek to learn more, they often care about external results and facts, rather than about the reasons and experiences. Their emotional attitude towards the child is weak, often such parents are busy solving their problems. However, their children are well-dressed, well-groomed and taught the behavior required in society.
Unfavorable	Overwhelming	They are distinguished by the greatest degree of emotional rejection of the child, a large number of prohibitions, orders. Parents are confident that they know the child well, but usually cannot predict his behavior in different situations. Relationships are tense and sinusoidal.
Disturbing	Parents of this group are distinguished by increased anxiety, uncertainty, in reality they know their children well, are sensitive towards them, but are not sure of the correctness of their behavior and therefore are sometimes cruel to the child. Relationships are characterized by instability, ambivalence.
Suspended	The parental position is extremely rigid, a complete lack of dialogue in relations with a child, heightened expectations and demands against the background of a significant orientation towards the child and great attachment to him
Rejecting	Parents of this group are alienated from the child, do not want to delve into his problems, pay attention to him, notice changes. The emotional attitude is not expressed clearly, the element of rejection prevails. The sphere of feelings and experiences of the child is closed to them, they do not know their children well, while their ideas about the child are quite adequate

The style of family education is determined by the personal qualities of fathers and mothers, their ideas about life and is a kind of realization of the parent's personality (T.V. Lodkina, E.L. Tikhomirova, 2003).

A parent with certain personality traits implements a certain style of family education. For example, extraverted mothers have less pronounced underdevelopment of parental feelings, perhaps this is due to the fact that such a mother is characterized by active self-realization, which implies, among other things, the desire to realize herself in a child, she instills in him independence, supports initiative and ultimately promotes active self-realization of your child. In the family of such mothers, educational confrontation over the upbringing of the child is less pronounced. An introverted mother, immersed only in her inner world, prone to dreams and fantasies, does not notice that her child is growing up, cultivates childish qualities in him, infantilizes him. She has many of her own personal problems, which she solves at the expense of the child. A rigid mother, with the "rigidity" of attitudes in raising a child is demanding, she cannot or does not want to compromise with the child in order to establish a level of requirements that does not offend and takes into account the rights and dignity of the child, plays the role of a "moralizer" in education, establishing that the child should or should not do. An aggressive mother, who is characterized by inflexibility in communication, an aggressive manner of self-assertion contrary to the interests of others, up to explicit statements or actions, often endures a conflict between spouses in relations with a child; educational confrontation is often observed in the family. She is inclined to leave the child on the periphery of attention, and from time to time they “tackle” him (EN Spireva, AG Lidere, 2001).

Confident parents have great trust in other people, they are convinced that they are able to control what is happening to them, in relations with their children they show warmth, acceptance and responsiveness.

Well-adapted, emotionally mature parents are more likely to respond to their child's manifestations of their needs with greater sensitivity and attention. Sensitive parenting contributes to the development of emotional resilience, independence, social competence, and intellectual skills.

The influence of the personal characteristics of parents on the educational process is clearly illustrated by the example of the interaction of parents suffering from depression with their children. In their family, depressed mothers create an atmosphere of conflict, hostile, indifferent relationships that negatively affect the development of the child. These children are characterized by aggressive behavior, impaired attention, a poor level of social competence - all this indicates the negative effects of the conditions created by the depressed parent.

Some researchers (Bowlby D., 1989; Schaefer I.S., 1965) believe that the diversity of parenting is dictated by the diversity of personality needs and conflicts. In raising a child, a parent reproduces his or her early childhood experiences. In relations with children, parents play out their own conflicts (Bowlby D., 1989).

The clinical and psychological characteristics of the parent also affect the specifics of the parenting style. For example, the specificity of depressed mothers is described by Orvashel G. (1980). Depressive mothers, in comparison with normal ones, have great difficulty in establishing interactive interactions with the child, they cannot separate their needs from the needs of the child. Typically, the parenting style of people with depression is characterized by emotional rejection and harsh control by provoking feelings of guilt and shame in the child.

A destructive style of attitude towards a child often leads to his neurotization (Zakharov A.I., 1998).

In turn, the destructive style depends, according to the same author, on such personality traits of the parent as sensitivity and hypersocialization. Sensitivity means heightened emotional sensitivity, impressionability, vulnerability, resentment, a pronounced tendency to take everything "to heart", it is easy to get upset, and hypersocialization means a keen sense of duty, obligation, difficulty in compromises.

In addition, the destructive attitude towards the child is due to the parent's lack of openness, spontaneity and ease in communication, which is most often based on the previously existing traumatic experience of interpersonal relationships.

The constructive style of parental relationship to a child is influenced by such personality traits as:

· The desire to fully reveal their inclinations and abilities;

· Overcoming egocentrism through involvement in activities, the purpose of which is outside the person himself;

· Creativity, creativity;

· The ability to full and lively experience, the ability to feel subtly, selflessly and unselfishly;

• moderate anxiety;

· The ability to take responsibility;

· A tendency to introspection, reflection (Spivakovskaya A.S., 2000).

Thus, as can be seen from the examples given above, there is no single basis for classifying the styles of family education. Sometimes the emotional components of upbringing were taken as a basis, sometimes the methods of influencing the child, sometimes parental positions, etc. Therefore, although different researchers offer different classifications, T.V. Arkhireeva believes that they can be related to each other due to the fact that certain styles of upbringing that bear different names have much in common (Arkhireeva T.V., 1990).

The analysis of scientific research allows us to conclude that there is a connection between the personality of the parent and his upbringing of the child. However, there is clearly not enough empirical data on the relationship between the personality traits of parents and parenting styles.

In modern literature, you can find various classifications of styles and types of parenting (S.V. Kovalev, 1988; E.G. Eidemiller, V.V. Yustitsky, 1990; D.N. Isaev, 1994, etc.). So, the styles of relationships, including family ones, are divided into three main ones: authoritarian, liberal and democratic.

Authoritarian cm ilcharacterized by stereotyped assessments and behavior, ignorance of the individual characteristics of family members, rigidity of attitudes, the predominance of disciplinary actions, arrogance, coldness and dictate. Communication is limited to short business orders, based on prohibitions. Feelings and emotions of the communication partner are not taken into account, the distance is maintained in the relationship.

Liberal stylemanifests itself in the family as aloofness and alienation of family members from each other, indifference to the affairs and feelings of the other. In relationships and communication, the principle "do what you want" is implemented.

Democratic style- this is cooperation and mutual assistance, equality of all members of the family union, flexibility in assessing behavior depending on the situation or the state of the partner, taking into account his individual characteristics. With this approach, adults communicate with the child in a comradely tone, correctly direct his behavior, praise and condemn, simultaneously expressing advice, allow discussions about their orders and do not emphasize their leadership position.

Another gradation of parent-child relations is also possible. Stable combinations of various features of upbringing represent a type of upbringing. It implies certain systems of the child's perception, impact on him and ways of communicating with him. The classification of disturbed types of family education can be presented as follows:

1. Conniving hyperprotection.The child is in the center of attention of the family, which seeks to maximize the satisfaction of his needs. Indulgences are given even when they harm the child. Parents shackle the child's initiative with excessive care and consideration. As a result, he is unable to act independently and in difficult situations is endangered to the same extent as an abandoned child. Having become an adult, a person turns out to be incapable of independent actions, is distinguished by an increased demand for the care of others about oneself, an underdeveloped emotional-volitional sphere, and a reduced criticality towards oneself.

2. Dominant hyperprotection.The child is in the center of attention of parents, who give him a lot of energy and time, depriving him of independence, putting numerous restrictions and prohibitions. The consequences of such upbringing, in which parental love and restriction are combined, will be such qualities of the child's personality as obedience, dependence, imaginary aggressive

ness, lack of friendliness. In adolescence, such upbringing enhances the emancipation reaction and conditions affective reactions.

3. Emotional rejection.Parents are indifferent to the fate of the child. This tragic situation can be caused by unwanted pregnancy, undesirable sex of the child, other circumstances that lead to the parents pushing the child away. Inattention, indifference to his needs, to where he is and what is with him, can reach the cruelty of parents. Parents do not show emotional warmth in communication with the child, do not contribute to the creation of physical comfort for him. Childhood behaviors associated with experiences are met with irritation and are usually suppressed. Such an ugly position of the parents leads to the emotional underdevelopment of the child, provokes the development of aggressiveness and criminal inclinations.

4. Increased moral responsibility.This type of upbringing is characterized by a combination of high demands on the child and a lack of attention to him on the part of the parents, and less concern for him. Parents do not love the child himself, but his compliance with his inner image. This style leads to neurotic states, stimulates the development of traits of anxious-suspicious (psychasthenic) character accentuation.

5. Hypoprotection (hypo-care).The child is left to himself, the parents are not interested in him, do not control him. As a rule, parents do not know where they are, what their child is doing, they do not understand his needs, difficulties and dangers that lie in wait for him, are unable to timely and effectively help him.

6. Inconsistent type.Parents carry out an abrupt change in styles, methods of upbringing, moving from severity to cliberalism and, conversely, from attention to the child to emotional rejection.

7. Education in the cult of the disease.Family life is entirely devoted to a sick child. Parents who have made an idol out of a sick child for themselves will convincingly prove that they live for the sake of their children. The imposition of this role can be observed even when a child who has been ill for a long time is recovering. However, someone in the family continues to consider him weak, painful. An adult does not want to change the existing stereotype of relationships with a child. It is easier to treat him like a sick person than to look for new ones. shapefull communication. In such an atmosphere, a child grows up to be effeminate, capricious, hypochondriacal.

It should be emphasized that the age characteristics of children create the danger of consolidating the consequences of improper upbringing. On the other hand, by virtue of the same characteristics, children are easier to rebuild, amenable to educational influence, are more sensitive in terms of development, if the determining influences are adequate to the capabilities and characteristics of the child. This determines the need and high efficiency of early diagnosis, prevention and correction of disorders in family education.

Since upbringing is characterized primarily by certain aspects of the relationship between parents and children, it is possible to single out the most significant of them in the form of three groups of factors (A.I. Zakharov, 1993).

To factors of the first orderthe following parties, or aspects, of parental relations can be attributed:

1. In interacting with children, parents involuntarily compensate for many of their unresponsive experiences, that is, their attitude is reactive. For example, overprotection of the mother is based on anxiety and fear of loneliness, nervous breakdowns in the form of screaming and physical punishment, which compensate for the nervous tension of the parents; or countless remarks and pedantic predestination of the children's way of life proceed from suspiciousness, excessive adherence to principles and one-sidedly understood authority in the family.

2. Another feature of parenting is the unconscious projection of the personal problems of parents onto children, when parents accuse them of something that is practically inherent in themselves, but do not realize it properly and, most importantly, in a timely manner. You can also say this: parents do not see the shortcomings in themselves, but they see them in the child or demand something in which they themselves are not an example. The higher the degree of characterological changes in parents, the more often they are inclined to ascribe to children a “harmful” character, which, in fact, turns out to be a peculiar way of their defensive response in response to the unbearable and unfair demands of adults. The higher the degree of neurotic disorders in parents, the more often they subsequently experience feelings of guilt, doubt and hesitation in the correctness of their actions and a negative assessment of the child.

3. A distinctive feature of upbringing is the gap between word and deed, when parental morality is too abstract, abstract and not supported by a living, direct example; or parents say one thing and do another, reflecting their duality and inconsistency of judgment.

4. Parents cannot stabilize and crisis situations in the mental development of the child, cope with his fear and anxiety. They exert too much effort, worrying and worrying even more than the child himself, and this contributes to the fixation of his neurotic reactions, which are at first episodic in nature. Sometimes parents miss the right time when neurotic manifestations are insignificant and can be easily eliminated by adequate psychological influence.

5. Difficulty in establishing equal, trusting and emotionally warm, direct relationships with children is also manifested.

6. In upbringing there is a lack of spiritual generosity; open-mindedness, kindness, not burdened with egocentrism, opportunistic considerations, rationalism, excessive concern and pessimism.

Second order factors,or the main parameters of improper upbringing are:

1. Misunderstandingthe originality of the personal development of children. For example, parents consider them stubborn when it comes to maintaining basic self-esteem, or parents think that the child does not want, but he cannot, and so on.

2. Rejectionchildren - this is a rejection of the individuality of the child, his originality, character traits. Non-acceptance is manifested by non-acceptance of knowledge

the importance of such factors of mental development as love, recognition and self-esteem; a constant feeling of internal dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction and irritation in relations with children, the predominance of negative assessments in the perception of their character, distrust of the emerging life experience of children, bordering on neglect of their capabilities and needs, excessive permissions such as connivance or a strict, often formal attitude.

3. Inconsistencyrequirements and expectations of parents and the capabilities and needs of children. This is the leading pathogenic factor that causes neuropsychic stress in children.

4. Inflexibilityparents in relations with children is expressed by: P insufficient taking into account the situation of the moment;

□ untimely response;

Pfixing problems, getting stuck on them;

□ stereotyped, predestined, programmed; The lack of alternatives in solutions;

□ bias in judgments;

□ imposing opinions.

Inflexibility is due to both the characterological characteristics and the neurotic states of the parents. Of the characterological manifestations, attention is drawn to the insufficient level of development of the imagination, excessive adherence to principles and the presence of other hyper-socialized character traits, imperious character and authoritarianism. The neurotic state of the parents prevents flexible contact due to the increase in intrapersonal tension and egocentrism.

5. Unevennessthe relationship of parents in different years of children's lives. Lack of care is replaced by an excess of it, or, conversely, excess - by a lack as a result of the changing nature of the perception of children, the birth of a second child and the contradictory personal development of the parents themselves.

6. Inconsistencyin the treatment of children - an essential factor of neurotization, creating the effect of "collision" of nervous processes as a result of changing and conflicting demands of the parents. The expression of inconsistency will be endless promises or threats, failure to complete the work begun, an unpredictable change in disposition, inconsistency between requirements and control, transitions from one extreme to another, which first leads to instability of the child's nervous processes, then to their excitement and fatigue.

7. Inconsistencyrelations between parents, due to the presence of a conflict, enhanced by the contrasting features of their temperament.

Factors of the third order:

1. Affectivity- excess parental irritation, discontent or anxiety, anxiety and fear. Affectiveness often creates the effect of madness in the house: chaos, disorder, general excitement. Then parents always, to one degree or another, experience what happened, experience

feeling guilty about not being able to cope with their out of control emotions.

2. Anxietyin relations with children it is expressed:

□ worry and panic about any, even a trifling matter;

□ the desire to overprotect the child;

□ not letting go of him;

□ protection from all, mostly imaginary, dangers, which is due to the presence of anxious premonitions, apprehensions, fears of the mother herself;

P "tying" children to themselves, including their mood, feelings, experiences;

Intolerance of waiting and impatience, the desire to do everything for the child in advance;

□ doubting the correctness of their actions and at the same time an obsessive need to constantly warn, give countless advice and recommendations.

3. Dominancein relations with children means:

□ unconditional predestination by adults of any point of view; ABOUTcategorical judgment, commanding, commanding tone;

□ the desire to subdue the child, create dependence on oneself;

□ imposing opinions and ready-made solutions;

□ striving for strict discipline and limiting independence;

□ the use of coercion and reprisals, including physical punishment;

□ constant control over the actions of the child, especially over his attempts to do things his own way.

Dominance creates inflexibility in family relationships and is often expressed in a large number of threats that come down on children if they have an opinion and do not immediately follow orders. In addition, parents with powerful character traits tend to indiscriminately accuse children of disobedience, stubbornness and negativism.

4. Hypersociality -the peculiarity of upbringing, when it has too correct, without taking into account the individuality of the child, character. She has elements of some formality in relations with children, a lack of emotional contact, sincerity and spontaneity in expressing feelings. Parents, as it were, bring up a child according to a specific, given program, without taking into account the originality of his personality, age needs and interests.

5. Lack of trust in the capabilities of children,their emerging life experience is expressed:

P1 alertness and suspicion about changes;

□ mistrust of the child's own opinion;

□ disbelief in his independence;

□ excessive regulation of lifestyle;

□ rechecking the child's actions;

□ excessive and often shallow care;

About numerous warnings and threats.

6. Lack of responsivenessor insensitivity, parents means an untimely or insufficient response to the request of children, their needs, moods and affects. Such an attitude can be caused by various reasons: increased adherence to principles or immaturity of parental feelings, rejection of the child, imperiousness, egocentrism, neurotic state, conflicting relationships, etc. negative reactions to the slightest deviations in the behavior of children and turn out to be emotionally deaf in relation to the expression of positive feelings. Even praise, support, and warmly admonish them in time is more difficult for them than making comments, scolding, worrying and warning.

7. Inconsistencyin relations with children, it is represented by various, often mutually exclusive aspects: affectivity and overprotection coexist with insufficient emotional responsiveness, anxiety with dominance, and exaggerated demands with parental helplessness. Inconsistency reflects the neurotic personality traits of the parents and decreases markedly as the internal mental state stabilizes and self-confidence increases.

Similar information.

Introduction

Personal development begins in the family. The family will continue to be an extremely important medium for the formation of the basic qualities of a person's personality.

He brings up everything in the family: starting with the situation and the number of children, ending with the social status of the parents and the psychological climate. The personality of the child from birth begins to form adequately to family relationships, the psychological climate in the family. Therefore, the conditions of upbringing, the situation of the formation of a child in the family, the style of upbringing are a significant factor in the development of the child's personality.

The interest of many modern researchers in the field of parent-child relations is explained by the importance of the role of an adult for child development.

The relevance of interpersonal relationships in the family and their influence on the formation of the personality and behavior of children is as follows: an important factor in the emotional balance and mental health of a child is the stability of the family environment.

Domestic and foreign psychologists and psychotherapists (A. Adler, E. Erickson, T.A. Kulikova, M. Klein, A.S. Spivakovskaya, A.I. Zakharov, V. V. Stolin, A.E. Lichko and others).

The aim of the research is to study the influence of the peculiarities of family education on the development of a child.

Subject - the influence of the parenting style on the personality of the child.

Object - parenting styles.

To analyze the works of domestic and foreign scientists on the problem of parenting styles of education.

Explore parenting attitudes and styles.

Determine the parental style of education and identify the relationship with the personality traits of the child.

To characterize the peculiarities of self-esteem of a younger student.

Consider the relationship between the styles of family education and self-esteem of a younger student.

Research methods: reading and analysis of psychological literature on the topic.

1. Theoretical foundations of the educational potential of the family

1.1 Classification of parenting styles of education in foreign and domestic psychology

Parents are the child's first social environment. The personalities of the parents play a vital role in the life of every person. The specificity of feelings arising between children and parents is mainly determined by the fact that parental care is necessary to support the very life of the child. The love of every child for his parents is boundless, unconditional, boundless. Moreover, if in the first years of life, love for parents provides the child with his own life and safety, then as he grows up, parental love more and more performs the function of support and safety of the inner, emotional psychological world of a person. ...

A. Adler described the unfavorable situations of childhood associated with parental education, on the basis of which the child forms erroneous ideas about life. These include child pampering and child neglect. These destructive styles of relationship with the child prevent him from developing social interest, or social feeling - the ability to take an interest in other people and take part in them.

There is a special style of education in each socio-culture. The psychosocial concept of personality development (adj.), Developed by E. Erickson, shows a close connection at the stage of infancy, the child with the mother. As a result, the child develops a basic trust in the world or distrust in the world. The dynamics of the development of trust depends on the mother. The second stage of early childhood is associated with the formation of independence, autonomy, neatness, will, if parents teach the child to be accurate, understand him, help control natural functions, the child gains the experience of autonomy. On the contrary, too strict or inconsistent external control of parents leads to the development of shame or doubt, dependence on others.

Almost all researchers agree on the basis of the classification of types of family upbringing that such parameters as emotional acceptance of the child by the parent, interest in and care for the child, exactingness towards the child, democracy or authoritarianism in family relations should be taken into account.

E.T. Sokolova, I.G. Chesnokov, there are two axes, two dimensions: love-control. The first axis expresses the emotional attitude of the parent to the child, the parental attitude and how he perceives his own child. Love or acceptance is respect for a child, caring for him, understanding his inner world, patient attitude to his psychophysical characteristics, encouraging independence and initiative. Hostility, rejection is a disrespectful attitude towards a child, cruelty, neglect, inattention. The autonomy-control axis describes the types of disciplinary regulation of the child's behavior. Their extreme variants are complete autonomy, bordering on neglect, and excessively strict, strict control, which presupposes absolute submission to the parental will, suppression of any initiative and initiative of the child.

A.E. Lichko developed a detailed classification of inadequate types of family education and described the impact on the development of the child's personality. He identified ten types of family upbringing: hypoprotection, dominant overprotection, conniving hyperprotection, upbringing in a cult of illness, emotional rejection, cruel attitude, increased moral responsibility, contradictory upbringing and upbringing outside the family.

Scientific research Baumrind D. (1991) is devoted to the problems of family, socialization and analysis of individual differences in the field of competence and moral behavior. Analyzing the relationship between parents and children, she proposed a typology of styles of family education, where she identified the following types: authoritarian style, democratic style, conniving style.

Domestic psychologists (A.I. Zakharov, T.A.Kulikova, A.Ya. Varga, A.S. Spivakovskaya, etc.) gave a description of unfavorable, pathologically sharpened personality traits of parents, leading to one or another disorder in upbringing.

1.2 Parenting and parenting styles

Parental attitudes, or positions, are one of the most studied aspects of parent-child relationships. Parental attitudes are understood as a system or set of parental emotional attitudes towards a child, the child's perception of the parent and ways of behaving with him.

Children brought up in children's institutions without maternal care and affection are distinguished by a lower intellectual level, emotional immaturity, disinhibition, and flattening. They are also characterized by increased aggressiveness in relationships with peers, lack of selectivity and constancy in emotional attachment to adults ("sticky", quickly attached to any person, but just as quickly weaned).

Different styles of care and treatment of a child, starting from the first days of his life, form certain features of his psyche and behavior. Analyzing video recordings of four-hour communication between mother and baby, S. Brody (1956) identified four types of maternal relationship:

Mothers of the first type easily and organically adapted to the needs of the child. They are characterized by supportive, permissive behavior.

Mothers of the second type deliberately tried to adapt to the needs of the child. They dominated rather than inferior.

Mothers of the third type did not show much interest in the child. The basis of motherhood was a sense of duty.

Mothers of the fourth type of behavior are characterized by inconsistency. They behaved inadequate to the age and needs of the child, made many mistakes in upbringing, poorly understood their child.

According to S. Brody, the fourth style of motherhood turns out to be the most harmful for the child, since the constant unpredictability of maternal reactions deprives the child of a sense of stability in the world around him and provokes increased anxiety.

A. Baldwin identified two styles of parenting practice - democratic and controlling.

The democratic style is determined by the following parameters: a high level of verbal communication between children and parents; the involvement of children in the discussion of family problems, taking into account their opinions; the parents' willingness to help, if required, at the same time by faith and the success of the child's independent activity; limiting one's own subjectivity in the child's vision.

The controlling style includes significant restrictions on the behavior of children: a clear and clear explanation to the child of the meaning of restrictions, the absence of disagreements between parents and children about disciplinary measures.

D. Bowmrin, in a series of studies, tried to overcome the descriptiveness of previous works by isolating a set of children's traits associated with the factor of parental control. Three groups of children were identified.

Competent - with a consistently good mood, self-confident, with well-developed self-control of their own behavior, the ability to establish friendly relations with peers, seeking to explore, and not avoid new situations.

Avoidants - with a predominance of a dull-sad mood, it is difficult to establish contacts with peers, avoiding new and frustrating situations.

Immature - unsure of themselves, with poor self-control, with refusal reactions in frustrating situations.

-parental control: with a high score on this parameter, parents prefer to have a great influence on children, are able to insist on fulfilling their requirements, and are consistent in them.

-parental requirements that encourage the development of maturity in children.

-ways of communicating with children in the course of educational influences: parents with a high score on this indicator tend to use persuasion in order to achieve obedience, substantiate their point of view and at the same time are ready to discuss it with children, listen to their argumentation.

-emotional support; parents are able to express sympathy, love and warm attitude, their actions and emotional attitude are aimed at promoting the physical and spiritual growth of children, they feel satisfaction and pride in the success of their children.

The study of children with developmental anomalies and delinquent behavior also confirms the decisive role of educational influences in the formation of the child's characterological characteristics, including abnormal ones. A rather long-term detrimental effect of the environment in the form of family disharmony and improper upbringing contributes to the development of the child's personality according to the psychopathic or neurotic type.

IN AND. Garbuzov et al. Identified three types of improper upbringing practiced by parents of children with neuroses. Upbringing according to type A (rejection, emotional rejection) - rejection of the child's individual characteristics, attempts to “improve”, “correct” the innate type of response, combined with tight control, regulation of the child's entire life, with the imperative imposition of the only “correct” type of behavior on him.

Upbringing according to type B (hypersocializing) is expressed in an alarmingly suspicious concentration of parents on the state of the child's health, his social status among his comrades, and especially at school, the expectation of success in studies and future professional activity.

Type B (egocentric) upbringing - "family idol", "small", "unique", "meaning of life" - cultivating the attention of all family members to the child, sometimes to the detriment of other children or family members.

There are several more types of inadequate parental (maternal) attitude towards the child:.

The mother's attitude to her teenage son as a “substitute” husband: the demand for active attention to herself, care, an obsessive desire to be constantly in the company of her son, the desire to limit his contacts with peers.

Hyper-care and symbiosis: an obsessive desire to keep, tie the child to oneself, deprive him of independence because of the fear of possible unhappiness with the child in the future (“smart Elsa” complex).

3. Parental control through deliberate deprivation of love: unwanted behavior (for example, disobedience), insufficient achievement or carelessness in everyday life are punished by demonstrating to the child that “he is not needed like that, mother does not like this”.

4. Parental control by invoking a sense of guilt: a child who violates the prohibition is stigmatized by his parents as “ungrateful,” “betrayed parental love,” “giving his mother so much grief,” “leading to heart attacks,” and so on. (a special case of the above-described upbringing in conditions of increased moral responsibility).

The style of communication with a child is reproductive, it is largely determined by family traditions. Mothers reproduce the style of upbringing that was characteristic of their own childhood, they often repeat the style of their mothers. The characterological characteristics of parents are one of the essential determinants of parenting.

The pathological sharpness of the parents' characterological traits gives rise to specific features of the attitude towards the child. Parents, for example, do not notice in themselves those traits of character and behavior, to the slightest manifestation of which in a child they react affectively - painfully and persistently try to eradicate. Thus, parents unconsciously project their child's problem and then react to them as if they were their own. ...

1.3 The role of education in the development of self-esteem

Self-esteem from early childhood is shaped by upbringing. Low self-esteem prevents the child's ability to fully develop. And an overly high opinion of oneself can be dangerous: the child will ascribe to himself non-existent virtues and unrealistic prospects, and then, in the future, suffer when life begins to put everything in its place.

Parents often come up with what the child should be like, ideally, and when he does not correspond to their dreams, they reproach him for this, not noticing the merits that were simply not included in their parental plans. Therefore, so that the child does not develop low self-esteem and a feeling of inferiority, one should not pin any great hopes on him, so as not to come to disappointment later. And, on the contrary, you need to diligently notice the merits, discover in the child his inherent features.

Praise and criticism should also have a reasonable ratio: you cannot unconditionally praise everything that a child does, but you should not scold for everything. If criticism exceeds praise, then the child will begin to avoid communicating with his parents. And, criticizing a child (if there is a need for this), you need to find something for which he can be praised, for example, for independence, for intelligence, willpower. Moreover, at the end of the conversation, you need to express a sincere hope that the child understood the criticism and will quickly fix everything.

Self-esteem is the difference between the real and the ideal self, and children, especially adolescents, love to create ideals for themselves.

The child's striving for the ideal must be welcomed, otherwise he will grow up to be a smug and not too educated person.

Fostering self-esteem in a child is one of the most important tasks for his future life.

The style of family education and the values \u200b\u200badopted in the family are of great importance in the development of self-esteem.

Children who have low self-esteem are unhappy with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly condemn the child, or set overestimated tasks for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of the parents. Inadequacy can also manifest itself with increased self-esteem.

Adequate presentation - it needs a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded with him. Rarely are gifts given for actions.

School performance is an important criterion for assessing a child as an individual by adults and peers. The attitude towards oneself as a student is largely determined by family values. In a child, those qualities that most of all concern his parents come to the fore - the maintenance of prestige.

Children with a low level of aspirations and low self-esteem do not claim much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities, they quickly come to terms with the level of academic performance that develops at the beginning of training.

Anxiety can become a personality trait at this age.

Due to the growth of anxiety and the associated low self-esteem, educational achievements decrease, failure is fixed.

Adults, dissatisfied with the declining productivity of the child's educational work, focus more and more on these issues in communicating with him, which increases emotional discomfort.

Demonstration is a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention to others around. The source of demonstrativeness usually becomes the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned in the family, “unloved.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

"Avoiding reality." It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot fulfill it due to their anxiety.

In order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influence of the family on the upbringing of the child, it is necessary to remember the intrafamily psychological factors that have educational value:

-take an active part in family life;

-always find time to talk to your child;

-be interested in the problems of the child, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents;

-not exert any pressure on the child, thereby helping him to make decisions on his own;

-have an idea of \u200b\u200bthe different stages in a child's life;

-respect the child's right to their own opinion;

-be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner who just has less life experience so far;

-Respect the desire of all other family members to pursue a career and improve themselves.

Various types of parental relationships have been identified and described by foreign and domestic authors. Most classifications are a description of abnormal types of parental attitudes towards a child that negatively affect his mental development. Common to all classifications is the recognition that, subject to inadequate upbringing, children experience a state of personal deprivation in the family, understood as insufficiency or dissatisfaction with essential needs, first of all:

in individually adequate emotional care and love;

in self-disclosure, revealing one's “I”;

in emotional and motor self-expression.

What matters is not so much the fact of the dissatisfaction of significant needs as the attitude of the subject towards this, which is often of a bright, affective character and is expressed in the child's experiences. The characteristic features of violations of the educational approach are:

-low cohesion and disagreement among family members on education issues, as a result of which emotional tension and instability of educational impact;

-a high degree of inconsistency, inconsistency, inadequacy;

-inadequately expressed degree of guardianship and restrictions in relation to any spheres of children's life;

-stimulating the activity of children with the help of threats and moral condemnation.

Foreign and domestic researchers have established a connection between the style of upbringing and the formation of certain characterological traits of a child.

2. The style of family education as a factor in the development of self-esteem during primary school age

2.1 Features of self-esteem of a younger student

Younger school age is called the pinnacle of childhood. A child retains many childish qualities - frivolity, naivety, a bottom-up look at an adult. But he is already beginning to lose his childish spontaneity in behavior, he has a different logic of thinking. Learning for him is a meaningful activity. At school, he acquires not only new knowledge and skills, but also a certain social status. The interests, values \u200b\u200bof the child, the whole way of life are changing. This leads to a new daily routine, gives rise to new responsibilities. Many changes in a child's life follow from the need to learn every day.

The new role of the child makes special demands on his daily life. He has new ideas about how to behave on the street, what are his duties in relation to his comrades. At the same time, there are ideas about their rights - the right to carry out some errands around the house, the right to an assessment for completing an assignment. This desire of a small schoolchild to show his new position among people, in fact to exercise his new rights and obligations, should be taken into account by parents and teachers.

Changes in the moral sphere are associated with the appearance in the younger schoolchild of their own views, attitudes, their own requirements and assessments.

With the emergence of new types of activity, with the emergence of new connections with others, the child also has some new criteria, measures of assessment, both of his comrades and himself.

In the formation of self-esteem of younger students, the teacher's evaluative influences play a huge role. The role of these influences on the formation of self-esteem of schoolchildren is revealed in a number of studies (B.G. Ananiev, L.I.Bozhovich, A.I. Lipkina). The authors point to the need to take into account the motives of schoolchildren for the pedagogical assessment of their actions, reveal the complexity of the attitudes of schoolchildren to the pedagogical assessment and the experiences caused by it, emphasize the transformative nature of the action of the pedagogical assessment, which affects the degree of awareness of the student's own level of development. The need for clarity, definiteness of pedagogical assessment is noted. Even a negative (well-deserved) assessment is more useful for self-assessment than an “uncertain assessment”.

Assimilating certain norms and values \u200b\u200bin the process of teaching and upbringing, the student begins, under the influence of the value judgments of others (teachers, peers0) to relate in a certain way both to the real results of his educational activities, and to himself as a person. actual achievements and what he could have achieved if he possessed certain personal qualities This is how a student in the educational process develops an attitude towards assessing his capabilities - one of the main components of self-esteem.

Self-esteem reflects what the child learns about himself from others, and his growing own activity aimed at realizing his actions and personal qualities.

Children have different attitudes towards the mistakes they make. Some, having completed the assignment, carefully check it, others immediately give it to the teacher, others delay the work for a long time, especially if it is a test, fearing to let go of it. The teacher's remark: "You made a mistake in your work" - the students react differently. Some ask not to indicate where the error is, but to give them the opportunity to find it and fix it themselves. Others anxiously ask, “Where? Which one? " - and unconditionally agreeing with the teacher, they humbly accept his help. Still others immediately try to justify themselves by referring to circumstances.

The attitude to the mistakes made, to one's own mistakes, shortcomings only in teaching, but also in behavior, is the most important indicator of a person's self-esteem.

Most naturally, as already noted, children with correct self-esteem react to mistakes in their work.

The child's self-esteem reflects not only his attitude to what has already been achieved, but also what he would like to be, his aspirations and hopes.

A child's self-esteem is found not only in how he evaluates himself, but also in how he relates to the achievements of others. Children with high self-esteem do not necessarily praise themselves, but they willingly deny everything that others do. Pupils with low self-esteem, on the other hand, tend to overestimate the achievements of their peers.

Children with high self-esteem were distinguished by activity, a desire to achieve success both in learning and in social work, and in games.

Children with low self-esteem behave very differently. Their main feature is self-doubt. In all their undertakings and deeds, they expect only failure.

The independence of self-assessments is also gradually increasing. If the self-assessments of first-graders almost completely depend on the assessments of their behavior and performance by the teacher, parents, then the students of the second and third grades evaluate achievements more independently, making, as we have already said, the subject of critical assessment and the evaluative activity of the teacher himself (is he always right, is he objective ).

The main tendency in the development of self-esteem consists in the child's gradual isolation of certain qualities from certain types of activities and actions, their generalization and understanding, first as features of behavior, and then as relatively stable personality traits.

The development of self-esteem in children, according to P.T. Chamats takes place in two stages: at the first, children, evaluating themselves, are limited mainly to assessing their actions and deeds, and at the second, the internal states and moral qualities of the individual are included in the sphere of self-esteem. The formation of the second, higher stage of self-esteem begins in adolescence and continues throughout a person's life as social experience accumulates and further mental development (27).

Often, schoolchildren have a clear overestimation of their strengths and capabilities. A feeling of conceit may appear: by unreasonably overestimating his capabilities, the student sets himself tasks that he cannot complete. Overestimated self-esteem comes into conflict with the assessment of it by other people, meets with resistance from the collective and can cause conflict in relations with its members. In addition, the repeated collision of inadequate, overestimated self-esteem with failures in practical activity gives rise to severe emotional breakdowns. A clear overestimation of one's capabilities is very often accompanied by internal self-doubt, which leads to acute feelings and inappropriate behavior.

Internal conflict can cause a discrepancy between:

self-esteem and evaluations that other people give to a person;

self-esteem and the ideal "I" to which a person aspires.

The following problems can be encountered in the formation of an adequate self-esteem of a younger student:

Growth problem: the student suffers from the fact that her height is 170 cm. She is taller than everyone in the class.

The problem of appearance: it happens that a child despises himself: he does not like his appearance, hates his abilities, - in general, he is burdened by himself.

With the development of the personality of a younger student, his knowledge of himself becomes more accurate, self-orientation is more correct, the ability to understand one's strengths and capabilities is improved, a desire to act in certain situations arises, relying not on the assessments of others, but on one's own self-esteem. Moreover, self-esteem becomes not only more grounded, but also captures a wider range of qualities.

2.3 Family parenting style and self-esteem of a younger student

At an early age, when the child is not aware of himself as a separate being from those around him, the attitude towards himself is formed through the attitude of adults. The child begins to feel loved or rejected much earlier, and only then acquires the abilities and means of cognitive self-knowledge. In other words, the feeling of "what I am" develops earlier than "who I am". Maternal attitude - acceptance, affection, approval becomes the first social "mirror" for the child's consciousness. The behavior of the parents and their attitude are important for the development of the child. developmental distortions occur not only in persons separated from their mothers in early childhood, but also in those who have experienced the influence of incorrect parental attitudes.

By the end of the third year of life, the child "separates" from other people and realizes his own increased abilities and capabilities. Evaluation of their actions becomes possible only on the basis of comparing their actions, qualities with the capabilities, actions, qualities of others.

By the age of 7, the opinion of the people around him (peers, educators) directly determine the child's self-attitude.

The style of family relationships, of course, determines the style of raising a child. A serious social problem is aggressive relations in the family, when aggression is directed at each of its members. There are many reasons for cruelty: mental imbalance of adults; their general dissatisfaction with life, family relations, official status; lack of mutual love between spouses, their alcoholism and drug addiction; just lack of culture; infidelity. Mutual fights, beating of the mother, beating of the child are the main background of the life of an aggressive family.

M.I. Lisina traced the development of self-awareness of preschoolers and younger schoolchildren, depending on the characteristics of family education. Children with an accurate idea of \u200b\u200bthemselves are brought up in families where parents devote a lot of time to them; positively assess their physical and mental characteristics, but do not consider their level of development to be higher than that of most peers; predict good school performance.

Adequate and inadequate behavior of a child depends on the conditions of upbringing in a family.

Children who have low self-esteem are unhappy with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly condemn the child, or set overestimated tasks for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of the parents. (Do not tell the child that he is ugly, complexes arise from this, from which it is impossible to get rid of later.)

Inadequacy can also manifest itself with increased self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements (the child gets used to material reward). The child is punished very rarely, the system of requirements is very soft.

Adequate presentation - it needs a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded with him. Rarely are gifts given for actions. Extreme harsh penalties are not used.

In families where children grow up with high, but not overestimated self-esteem, attention to the child's personality (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) is combined with sufficient exactingness. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishments and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy more freedom at home, but this freedom, in fact, is lack of control, a consequence of parents' indifference to children and to each other.

School performance is an important criterion for assessing a child as an individual by adults and peers. The attitude towards oneself as a student is largely determined by family values. A child's qualities come to the fore that are most concerned with his parents - maintaining prestige (at home, asking questions: “Who else got an A?”), Obedience (“You weren't scolded today?”), Etc. In the self-consciousness of a young schoolchild, accents shift when parents are concerned not with educational, but with everyday moments in his school life ("Doesn't it blow from the windows in the classroom?", "What did they give you for breakfast?"), Or do not care much at all - school life is not is discussed or discussed formally. A rather indifferent question: "What happened at school today?" sooner or later will lead to the corresponding answer: "Nothing special", "Everything is fine."

Parents also set the initial level of the child's aspirations, something that he aspires to in educational activities and relationships. Children with a high level of ambition, high self-esteem and prestigious motivation rely only on success. Their visions of the future are just as optimistic.

Children with a low level of aspirations and low self-esteem do not claim much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities, they quickly come to terms with the level of academic performance that develops at the beginning of training.

Clinical observations and experimental studies make it possible to systematize the types of parent-child relationships, all the real diversity of which is covered by two independent dimensions: love - hostility and autonomy - control. The love-hostility or acceptance-rejection axis measures the parent's immediate emotional attitude and perception of the child. Acceptance, expressively expressed or implicitly present in a parent in the form of a parental attitude, is tender care for the child, understanding of his inner world, tolerance for individual psychophysical characteristics, respect for his independence, encouragement of initiative. Rejection is an attitude towards a child as “not to that one”, inattention, neglect, cruelty.

The axis "autonomy - control" describes the types of disciplinary regulation of the child's behavior used in family education. It is optimal to have a certain disciplinary system that is equally shared by both parents; extreme types of control are classified as ineffective or even pathogenic - complete autonomy, bordering on neglect, and excessively strict, strict control, which presupposes absolute submission to the parental will, suppression of any initiative and initiative of the child.

A study of the relationship between the form of communication of junior schoolchildren in the family and the degree of adequacy and stability of its self-esteem showed that among junior schoolchildren who had a trusting relationship with their parents, adequate and stable self-esteem prevailed, and for children from families with a regulated (rigid) type of communication it was more typical unstable and inadequate self-esteem. The test data also indicate a positive correlation between the self-esteem of younger students and the style of parent-child relationships. Thus, high self-esteem and good social and personal adaptation are combined with the presence of warm, trusting relationships between children and parents, exactingness and strict discipline at the same time with respect and relative autonomy of the child.

Children with low self-esteem, a pronounced sense of their own isolation and uselessness, low social activity and dissatisfaction in interpersonal contacts had a negative experience of intrafamilial relationships: the predominance of "educational" rational influences over a direct emotional relationship, punishment as the main method of control, lack of a clear educational program. Thus, the emotional involvement of parents in the child's life can be considered a favorable condition for the development of positive self-esteem, which, however, does not hinder the development of his independence.

Analysis of the literature allows us to single out a number of inadequate ways of parents' influence on the child's self-image. It is shown that various distortions of the child's vision by the parents are caused by the psychological distress of the parents themselves. Thus, mothers with character traits such as anxiety, rigidity, hypersocialization tend to unconsciously ascribe to the child negative traits that are currently absent or expressed to a minimum degree ("the clever Elsa complex" from the famous fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm). The image of the child is distorted under the influence of unfavorable expectations of the mother, fear that the child will repeat the traits of an unloved person (husband, mother) or that the child will embody his own undesirable qualities, which are unconsciously projected onto the child. At the same time, the older the child becomes, the more obvious the conflict between the need for self-affirmation, respect and recognition of the right to independence and the devalued image of the self imposed on him.This conflict is aggravated by the fact that the child always strives for agreement with his parents, thus satisfying his need in the attachment, the emotional "we", and often the price for the feeling of one's security is the identification of one's own self-concept with a distorted, suggested image. Metaphorically, this could be expressed in the words: "I may be bad, but I am yours, I am with you." The parental image becomes a motive, i.e. a way to meet the need for affiliation. There is a risk that the child, motivated in this way (in spite of the conscious aspirations of the parents), will develop exactly those qualities and patterns of behavior that follow from the negative parental image. The same mechanism determines the development of the child in the direction of self-improvement, if the parents have a positive image of the child; however, with conditional parental love, there is a risk that development will result in an ugly form: the child climbs over the top, trying to fit the image of a "good child".

The objects of inspiring influence of parents are most often:

) strong-willed qualities of a child - purposefulness, concentration;

) discipline as strict adherence to parental requirements;

) moral qualities - honesty, kindness, responsiveness;

) interests - primarily interest in school activities, less often out-of-school hobbies.

Depending on the attitudes of the parents, the child is perceived as in one way or another possessing or not possessing the distinguished qualities - accordingly, the child is instilled in a positive or negative image of I.

The peculiarity of parents seeking advice consists in a clear overestimation or underestimation of the child in terms of parameters that are significant for the parent. The distortion of the child's image is manifested in the phenomena of attributing "badness" - dishonesty, laxity, attributing weakness - lack of will, inability to stand up for oneself, invalidation - devaluation of the child's plans, intentions, and hobbies. Of course, parents who seek psychological counseling seem to have some grounds for a negative assessment of some traits of a child or his behavior in certain situations. However, an excessively overestimated volume of demands, moral rigorism, combined with an affectively inadequate form of making claims (use of labels, final parental sentences) makes parental reactions to be considered as an unconscious compensation for feelings of dissatisfaction with oneself, low self-esteem. The child, in turn, perceives all this as a distrust of his abilities, a lack of understanding of his inner world. The mismatch between the growing own experience and the inability to meet the expectations of the parents generates a deep internal conflict in the child's self-awareness, fraught with developmental distortions of the neurotic type.

Thus, summarizing all of the above, we note that the child's self-attitude up to a certain period is a reflection of the attitude of adults, primarily parents, towards him. The child learns values, parameters of assessments and self-assessments, the norms that his parents supply and according to which he begins to evaluate himself, as well as the image of himself as possessing certain qualities and traits.

Conclusion

The set goal: to study the influence of the peculiarities of family education on the development of the child - has been achieved.

The parenting style affects the personality of the child. This fact was pointed out by many researchers of family psychology (Adler A., \u200b\u200b1998, Varga A.Ya., 1986, Zakharov A.I., 1998, Navaitis G.A., 1998, Eidemiller E., Yustitskis V., 1999, etc. .).

The family has a decisive influence on the formation of the child's personality.

Questions of the influence of the nature of interaction between an adult and a child on the formation of his personality are widely discussed in Russian literature. By now, the belief has formed that the type of parent-child relationship in the family is one of the main factors that shape the personality of the child and the characteristics of his behavior. The most characteristic and obvious type of parent-child relationship is manifested in the upbringing of a child.

In the theoretical part, various classifications of parenting styles of upbringing in foreign and domestic psychology are considered.

The analysis of works of domestic and foreign scientists on the problem of parenting styles of upbringing is carried out.

The characteristic features of self-esteem of a younger schoolchild are given.

The relationship between the styles of family education and self-esteem of the younger schoolchild is considered.

List of references

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Extremes in parenting styles have never been helpful to anyone. Choose the middle ground!

When a baby is born, the lifestyle of the parents changes dramatically: they immediately prepare themselves for the fact that they must now meet the needs of the infant. We, parents, want to do everything to make the baby feel comfortable and happy. This is a natural or even instinctive parenting attitude.

The baby must be taken care of, he must have personal contact with the mother and feel the attention of the father. The baby needs to be fed, comforted when crying, play with him. We know well, or perhaps we think so, what is good for him and what can harm him.

Everything becomes more complicated when the child grows up, develops, and his aspirations and desires are no longer so unambiguous and simple. Now, in order to be good parents, it is not enough to take care of your child, you also need to educate him. Unfortunately, no one teaches us to be good parents. Everyone imagines it differently.

The parenting style that we implement is a random combination of our life experience (primarily the one that we received when we ourselves were still children), observations of other families, knowledge that we got from books and from specialists, and our own system of life. values.

Often parents are afraid that the child, as they say, "will sit on their head." They believe that he should know his place, obey the will of his parents, who know best what is good for him and what he should do. The greatest value for them is obedience, and the desired consequence of educational measures is the so-called polite child. Such parents decide how much the baby should eat for lunch, stuff the little ones into the little ones, hated by him, because they are useful.

Mother and father reproach, lecture when the child begins to be capricious, and praise when it is polite. Then they choose friends and interest for their child, impose on him a way to spend his free time, often they themselves even determine how he needs to get his hair cut. They are convinced that the dominance of adults is only for the benefit of children and that it is a parental function to make a choice for a son or daughter. Mom and Dad do not even come to mind to consult with the child or ask him what he would like.

Such tyrant parents, parent-leaders, putting forward their harsh demands and categorical decisions to the child, are forced to constantly monitor their child and punish him for arbitrariness. They spend a lot of energy and effort to maintain discipline and order, and much less to establish a real connection with the child, to know his psyche, to learn about his aspirations and dreams.

So, under the wings of an autocrat father or a despot mother, a little conformist grows up, an obedient puppet who has no chance of learning to understand and cognize his own needs, to choose. At first glance, everything works great, and the environment enviously looks at an exemplary family in which there is no place for protests or bad behavior of a teenager.

Another quite possible scenario for such behavior of parents is constant clashes with a child who is such a strong personality that he does not allow himself to be pushed into the framework that the parents have defined. Family life becomes a trench warfare until the time of a big riot comes, and the teenager rejects not only domestic restrictions, but also his mother and father, who do not understand him.

For the most part, this parenting style only hurts children. It destroys their emotional sphere, because it breaks the personality, destroys the individuality, teaches them to live in falsehood and in a constant feeling of guilt. In adulthood, these children are more likely to be people with low self-esteem, distrustful and cowardly, or aggressive people who do not take into account the rights and needs of others.

Another extreme - parents who are often called and considered modern. They relax in a relationship with a child, do not exercise their right to be stronger and older. These are parents-friends who do not like the concept of "parental authority" very much, their child can decide for himself what to agree with and what not. His opinion is always and everywhere asked. Will you go to sleep? Will you drink the tasteless medicine? Will you wear warm socks today?

When mom or dad cannot come to a consensus on issues that concern the child, they begin to discuss everything with him and interpret their motives in detail. They justify themselves, and when he begins to protest, they retreat. Such parents are convinced that everything must be done to make their child happy, and they consider the concept of "happiness" and "freedom" of a little person to be identical. They are tolerant to the point of indulgence, have angelic, one might say, superhuman patience. Very quickly they become slaves of children, dependent on their whims, ready to do everything to keep the children satisfied in order to "deserve" their love.

There are several categories of such parents:
- those who blindly and unreasonably love the only, sick or desired, long-awaited child. They would like to lay the sky for their child and are ready for any sacrifices for his sake;

- tired of constant confrontation with a child who is a strong personality, they believe that it is better not to lean for the sake of peace;

- lazy, who think that it is easier to make concessions than to make demands, and then consistently follow how the child fulfills them;

- constantly busy at work. They feel guilty before the child, to whom they devote too little time and attention, and want to reward him with more freedom for this;

- unsure of their parental competence. Such parents are very afraid to make mistakes during the upbringing of a child, which over time can negatively affect the child's psyche and badly affect his fate.

The children of these parents, let's call them figuratively slaves, grow up in omnipotence. Parents do not set them restrictions and requirements, they fulfill all their whims, and therefore such children do not have the opportunity to learn to overcome hopelessness or disappointment. Such a kid is sincerely convinced that this world was created for him, that he is the king and master. The parents themselves become victims of such a child, whom he manipulates more successfully each time. The expectations and demands of the baby are growing, and the “subordinate” parents can no longer enjoy life, realize their own aspirations and plans, and have no right to privacy. Oppressed, exhausted, they often no longer have the strength to love either the child or themselves in such a pitiful role. Parents, gritting their teeth, endure to a critical point, and then negative emotions "explode", which they diligently suppressed in themselves. Often a mother and father lose the favor of the child they have been seeking for so long in an instant. And they again begin this destructive struggle for all.

But if you think that the child feels happy in such a situation, then you are wrong. The absolute power he has over the two closest adults is demoralizing. The child does not feel safe, because he does not have anyone stronger and wiser near him. To learn to live in peace, he needs a guide, authority. And what kind of authority can be a mother who agrees with everything, or a father who does not demand anything? Finally, the child decides that, in fact, his parents do not care if they do not react to him, even when he is behaving extremely obscenely.

Such a child grows up to be egocentric, incapable of compromise. Asocial, confrontational towards the world, he will have huge problems in relations with people. Will become a miserable adult with whom no one will be good.

Therefore, dear parents, understand that extremes in parenting styles have never been useful to anyone. Choose a middle ground. And may you be lucky!

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Most psychologists believe that the baby needs access to the mother to feel safe and not anxious. But it is important that mother's love does not consume personal space, does not suppress the child's independence and does not stand in the way of his growing up. A mother should have not only a desire to be with her baby, but also a desire to separate and release him from herself. The physical presence of the mother, communication with her, emotional attitude, all this is integrated with the growth and development of the child and further affects the health and life path of your daughters and sons.

"Maternal love is an unconditional affirmation of the child's life and needs. Most mothers give their children" milk ", but only a few also give" honey ", - E. Fromm writes. - Maternal love should inspire a child with love for life, and this can be done only happy women. Otherwise, anxiety is transmitted to the child and all this greatly affects the personality of the child. The essence of maternal love is to promote the growth of the child, to love the growing child, to help him separate. Women who know how to love others are capable of this. "

It is worth noting that the "environment" of your baby, which shapes his personality and affects his entire future destiny, is not only the mother, but the whole family as a whole, which will or will not satisfy the mental needs of her child.

Your child's mental needs will be best met by a good family environment. The family provides the child not only with optimal opportunities for the formation of his personality, but it also naturally introduces him to constantly expanding social relations, creates the prerequisites for his socialization. The child learns to respond to constantly changing social situations. With the help of the mother and other family members, with whom the child finds support, he forges new relationships, takes certain roles and positions. His confidence, as well as the healthy self-confidence that comes from warm feelings in his own family, facilitates social adaptation in childhood and promotes later adulthood. The various difficulties that an adult has in the social sphere are largely due to the fact that in childhood these people lived in a conflicting, cold atmosphere or were subjected to different, sometimes contradictory, methods of upbringing in the family.

In his studies, W. Bronfenbrenner writes that unfavorable conditions cannot but affect the mental development of a child. He writes about the existence of the concept of "age segregation", which characterizes the changes taking place in recent years in the lives of children and the younger generation. Age segregation is manifested in the inability of young people to find a place in the life of society. This fact of the isolation of young people from other people and the real business in American psychology is called alienation. And the roots of this phenomenon, American researchers are looking for in the characteristics of the modern family. Bronfenbrenner notes the following important points:

• most mothers work (the requirements of professional activity, claiming not only for work, but also for the free time of mothers and fathers, lead to the fact that the child spends more time with passive nannies than with parents);
• the number of divorces is growing, and, consequently, incomplete families and a low material level;
• achievements of civilization (the appearance of additional television sets in the family, the presence of family rooms and separate bedrooms, special rooms for games, etc. leads to a further deepening of isolation between generations, an extreme case of such isolation is the device "artificial nanny").

Thus, all these circumstances and their consequences negatively affect the mental development of the child. The initial symptoms of this are manifested in the emotional and motivational sphere: dislike, indifference, irresponsibility and inability to do things that require diligence and perseverance. In more severe cases, the consequences are also manifested in the deterioration of the ability to think, operate with concepts and numbers, even at the most elementary level.

Both domestic and foreign psychologists, studying the peculiarities of upbringing in different families, came to the conclusion that the formation of the personal qualities of children directly depends on the style of communication and interaction in their family. Next, I would like to give examples of the main styles of parenting and their impact on the development of your child's personality (according to M. Kravtsova).

Authoritarian parenting style

Communication between children and parents does not occur as such, it is replaced by strict requirements and rules. Parents most often give orders and expect them to be followed exactly; discussion is not allowed.

Children in such families, as a rule, are unassuming, withdrawn, fearful, gloomy and irritable. Girls usually remain passive and dependent throughout their teens and adolescents. Boys can become unruly and aggressive and react extremely violently to the forbidding and punishing environment in which they were raised.

Liberal parenting style

Parents almost completely do not regulate the behavior of the child, they are open to communication with children. Children are given complete freedom with little parental guidance.

The absence of any restrictions leads to disobedience and aggressiveness, children often behave inappropriately in public, tend to indulge their weaknesses, and are impulsive. With a favorable set of circumstances, children in such families become active, decisive and creative individuals. If connivance is accompanied by open hostility on the part of the parents, there is nothing stopping the child from giving free rein to his most destructive impulses.

Rejecting parenting style

By their behavior, parents demonstrate explicit or latent rejection of the child. For example, in cases where the birth of a child was initially undesirable, or if they wanted a girl, but a boy was born. The child does not initially meet the expectations of the parents. It happens that the baby is at first glance desirable, they are attentive to him, they take care of him, but he does not have emotional contact with his parents.

As a rule, in such families, children become either aggressive or downtrodden, withdrawn, timid, touchy. Rejection creates a feeling of protest in the child. In the character, traits of instability, negativism are formed, especially in relation to adults.

Indifferent parenting style

Parents do not set any restrictions for children, are indifferent to them, closed for communication. Often they are so immersed in their own problems that they simply do not have the time and energy to raise their children.

If parental indifference is combined with hostility, the child may exhibit antisocial tendencies.

Hypersocial parenting style

Parents strive to meticulously follow all the recommendations for the "ideal" child's upbringing.

Children in such families are overly disciplined and executive. They are forced to constantly suppress their emotions and restrain desires.

The result of such upbringing is violent protest, aggressive behavior of the child, and sometimes auto-aggression.

Egocentric parenting style

The child, often the only one, long-awaited, is imposed on the idea of \u200b\u200bhimself as an overvalued person. He becomes the idol and the "meaning of life" of his parents. At the same time, the interests of others are often ignored, sacrificed to the child.

As a result, he does not know how to understand and take into account the interests of others, does not tolerate any restrictions, and aggressively perceives any obstacles. Such a child is disinhibited, unstable, capricious.

Authoritative parenting style

The most effective and favorable for the development of a harmonious personality of the child. Parents recognize and encourage the growing autonomy of their children. They are open to communication and discussion with children of the established rules of behavior, they allow changes in their requirements within reasonable limits.

Children in such families are excellently adapted, self-confident, have developed self-control and social skills, they do well in school and have high self-esteem.

The absence or lack of maternal affection, love is very often the reason for the appearance in the child of not only a number of negative, or even simply severe mental states, ranging from feelings of insecurity, anger, autistic tendencies, hyperactivity, relationship problems, but also bodily psychosomatic ailments, and even the death of a child. No matter how wonderful the conditions in which orphans or children abandoned by their mother are brought up, they, growing up, are looking for a mother (real or ideal) - the most dear, close and dear creature in the world.

The theme of love for a child is broad and multifaceted. With this conversation, we highlighted some aspects of this topic. More specific questions concerning each baby separately will have to be decided by each woman who has become or is about to become a mother, and how she should love her own child, will be prompted not only by experience and knowledge of the subject of discussion, but also by her own mother's heart.

The most important thing is to always remember that your love for children should be unconditional. The child must be sure that he is always loved by you, no matter what grade he received in school or what vase he accidentally smashed. He should know that you love him just like that, just for what he is! And don't forget about respect for your own daughters and sons! If warmth, attention, love and respect reign in your relationship, then your child will grow and develop without hindrance!