How to find friends in life: overcome shyness together! What if you are suddenly left without friends? Can't find normal friends
Friendship is one of the most important things in every person's life. However, if you have no friends at all, this does not mean that your life should be miserable. Learn to deal with this situation by developing a kind attitude and empathy for yourself. Also, learn to find joy in your loneliness. Of course, loneliness can be a real challenge. However, by enlisting the support of others, as well as developing a positive attitude, you will be able to cope with the lack of friends. Also, don't isolate yourself from others. Spend time where you can meet new people. Treat your new acquaintances as potential friends.
Steps
Deal with loneliness
- If you cannot help crying when analyzing your feelings, cry. There is no shame in expressing your emotions. You will feel much better if you give vent to tears.
- The analysis of feelings and emotions does not mean at all that you need to go headlong into thinking about your inner feelings. Taking the time to analyze your feelings can help you overcome them.
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Focus on achieving your goals. If you feel lonely, direct all your strength and energy towards achieving your goals. Are you dreaming of further education? Study hard and get good grades. If you want to travel, start saving money.
Do what you like. It is quite possible to enjoy being alone. The main thing is to do what brings you pleasure. Perhaps you enjoy writing, hiking, or drawing. Do what you like. Your mood will improve. Plus, you can get to know yourself better.
- Visit your favorite artist's exhibition. You may not like the idea that you have to go alone. However, when you come to the exhibition, you will not feel lonely. You will meet many people who have something in common - love for the paintings of a certain artist.
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Spend time with your family. Your family members live with you under the same roof. They can make great friends, even if at first glance you don't think so. Spend time with your parents or siblings. Visit them as often as possible. You may think that they are of no use and they cannot help you during difficult times in your life, but they are not.
- Establish a new and interesting tradition in your family, such as spending a Friday night playing games. Don't forget pizza!
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Get a pet. Of course, animals cannot replace humans, but they can become loyal friends, able to reduce stress levels and fill your life with meaning. You can take your dog or cat from your local animal shelter. Very often, pets help you find new friends! Sometimes animals act as a link in communication. Having a pet will give you an excuse to go outside and chat with other pet owners on the street or in the park.
Develop a kind attitude and empathy for yourself. It means treating yourself with love, respect, and kindness. Are you going through a difficult period in your life? Trust me, you are not alone. It is difficult to find a person who would not have these feelings. Everyone faces loneliness sooner or later. Feeling lonely does not mean that something is wrong with you. In fact, this is what makes you human!
Accept your feelings. Feeling lonely is a painful emotional experience. However, it is important to accept this feeling rather than trying to suppress it. Take time to analyze your emotions and feelings. Notice the lump in the throat, pressure in the chest, and a feeling of emptiness in the stomach. Thanks to this, you can move on to the next step - overcoming your feelings.
Find friends
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Be the first to start a conversation . We are surrounded by many potential friends every day. However, we may feel fear at the mere thought that we need to approach a person and start a conversation with him. Don't give up on your intention - you can do it! Take a deep breath and ask the stranger a question or comment on the situation you are in. People love talking about themselves and their interests, so build your conversation with the person by following this rule.
- For example, imagine you are queuing at a grocery store. In front of you in the same line is a teenager who plays on his smartphone. You might say, “You're doing great. What is the purpose of this game? "
- Try asking an open-ended question that requires a detailed answer from the person instead of the monosyllabic yes or no.
- An example of an open-ended question requiring a detailed answer: “You said you love skiing. What do you like the most about this? "
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Look for opportunities to be in society. If you are feeling lonely or insecure with other people, you may be reluctant to attend parties and similar events. However, these events offer opportunities for the development of communication skills. Throw away your fears and worries and go to the party to which you received an invitation. Believe me, this is a justified risk. He will be rewarded with new friends!
- Observe people around you. This helps to ensure that you like them even before you get to know them better. In psychology, this method is called the simple exposure effect. Pick a place where there are people, such as a cafe, and spend time there. You can make friends with the employees of the chosen institution or the regulars of this cafe.
Navigation through the training "I don't communicate much (part 1): how to make friends and please people?":
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About the author:
There is such a prayer: "Lord, give me the strength to change what I can change, humility to accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other." This is exactly what you do in collaboration with a psychologist: looking for resources where changes are possible, acceptance and humility where they are not yet possible, and self-awareness to distinguish one from the other. The psychologist acts as a mirror in this work, helping you to understand yourself. And the one who can give you strength and everything else is within you.
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What is friendship
People relate to this phenomenon in different ways. Some have a hundred friends, and some have none. There is even a category that considers friendship "a period of time between acquaintance and betrayal." Well, these are, rather, marginal persons who see no goodness, no warmth, no love around. In general, experts interpret friendship as a union of two or more people by common goals, interests, desires, etc. But there is one "But" - not everyone succeeds in maintaining friendly relations correctly.
Surely our readers are familiar with the types leading an ascetic lifestyle. They do not attend birthdays, and if they come to visit, they sit in solitude, do not communicate with anyone. And their usual life takes place at most with the family, but no more. There is no need to talk about friends, comrades, friends here. Why it happens?
It's all about internal obstacles, barriers. They prevent a person from taking one step towards another and starting a conversation. It is easier for such people to avoid companies, retire alone and listen to music, watch TV. No, one cannot say that they are not attracted to people. It's just that their inner qualities do not allow them to come and say "Hello, let's be friends!" We, of course, represent the words of the ascetic in a very trivial form, but the meaning is still preserved.
Why can't I make friends
To do this, you need to identify the reasons due to which a person avoids communication with people and companies in every possible way. Take a moment and ask yourself - why are you having problems? Perhaps they began in childhood. After all, it is then that we first offer our friendship, be it in words, actions, behavior. Therefore, no matter how difficult it is, it is important to find the origins of the problem, which could arise due to the following reasons:
The prohibition of parents to communicate with other children. This often happens, especially if adults are fixated on the fact that their child is smarter, better than others. That is, they cultivate an egoist who considers himself "above" other children.
Appearance problems. There are some diseases due to which other children do not want to communicate with the child. These can be problems with the skin, hair, ugly appearance, poor speech, developmental defects and other phenomena. In this situation, the child is “cornered”. And he is forced to be alone almost all his life. At this age, complexes are formed and developed that disrupt the quality of life and leave an imprint forever.
Social status. Wealth and, alas, begins to divide people from childhood. Of course, in our time it is difficult to imagine children from different social classes - poor and rich in the same garden. The maximum is possible at school, although such an institution can now be selected according to the size of the wallet.
But we are now talking not only about the future of our children, but also about the present of adult readers. And they, most likely, went to the same group, a class with the children of rich people. And if the poor were a minority, then it was hardly possible to cultivate friendly qualities in oneself. Such a child, as a rule, was rejected, expelled, not invited to general parties, discos, etc.
A child from a wealthy family could feel the same if he studied in a class with children from poor families. Envy, anger became the reason for his rejection from the general mass.
By replaying all the points in your head that may have contributed to your sense of alienation, you can reconstruct the root causes of your situation. Perhaps there will be moments of fear, resentment, tears will roll, a lump in the throat will form, you will want to stop memories because of mental pain. But it is still a useful action. Until you restore the cause, it will be difficult to find friends.
The reason for the inability to make friends can also be the severity of admitting that the person is truly alone. How often we are faced with the fact that one of our acquaintances, friends, does not show that he is bad to be alone. Pride plays a big role here. Well, how can you admit that such a smart, beautiful and unique (unique) is not called in the company. And the point is not in people, but in the person himself.
In your youth, you experienced pain and frustration - you were betrayed by a friend or friends. Over the years, the feeling does not disappear. The person is afraid that he will have to experience the same pain, betrayal and disappointment again.
So, we decided with you that it is imperative to find a reason. And if we manage to do this, then there is something to work on, right? This can be done both with professionals and independently, if it is not so deep and does not pose a danger to the human psyche.
What do we want
Depending on how you answer this question, a solution will be found, that is, you will find a company "to your liking." Or stumble upon the opposite process - once again you will be disappointed in people. So you need to treat your requests carefully.
So, who are you more interested in - a football lover or a big fan of nightclubs. First of all, you need to make a list of your preferences on a blank piece of paper. For example, you cannot live a day without watching a soap opera, a series. Here a friend (girlfriend) will suit you, who will gladly share this period of time with you in a day. Or, she will share with you in detail her opinion about why she likes Juan Carlo more than Riccardo, etc.
So, the list has been compiled, now you can start selecting, no matter how cynical it may sound, a company. By the way, this is how older pensioners choose their girlfriends. Sitting on a bench near the house, they preliminarily communicate and from the total number of women, they choose the one with which they are most interested. Surely our readers paid attention to the fact that the group of grandmothers on the bench at the house is gradually divided into couples, a maximum of three people who walk in the park and communicate more closely separately from everyone.
As for young people, look at whether your future friend will go on a trip with you, relax by the river, read the same books and get involved in politics, etc. That is, he will share your hobbies and interests. And most importantly, can you rely on this person in difficult times? Will he come to your aid?
Let go of the situation
Well, you have decided on your preferences in friendship - what next? Nothing, let go of the situation, forget about everything. Nature, the Universe if you want, will do everything for you. To put it simply, when making a list, you have already programmed your behavior and manners to attract the attention of those who suit you in terms of interests and life positions.
The main thing is to remain yourself and not play. And the one who can really become your bosom friend will find you himself. That is, the rule of Nature is triggered - "Like attracts like", it is only important to wish.
How many friends should a person have
Remember the well-known saying "Don't have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends." Once it was really relevant. There was no such admiration for wealth, philistinism. But now things are a little different, making a true friend is quite difficult. Moreover, an open and honest friendship is even more urgent now. In such difficult times, support is needed.
But - how many friends should a normal person have? After all, one can enjoy having one or two friends, while the other has a contact section on the phone simply packed with friends' numbers, and every day he is with them, then calls up, then meets and spends time together, etc.
The question of the number of friends did not leave experienced psychologists alone. They also racked their brains for a long time over whether it is normal to have a hundred friends or is it not friendship, but something else that has nothing to do with sincere relationships? Large-scale studies have been carried out, which have shown that everything depends on age. That is, depending on how old you are, a greater or lesser need for friends is formed.
As it turned out, most of all we need friends in our young and old years. And in the first and second cases, we are afraid of losing contacts, communication. In the first case, young people are not yet protected from life's circumstances and landmarks, so we hold on to friendship with two hands. Persons in old age are no longer able to make more and more new acquaintances. Therefore, they firmly hold on to those who are next to them and do not want to lose their bosom friends. In both moments, it's hard without friends - only they can lend their shoulders, give valuable advice or just be around.
Another large-scale study was carried out by Finnish psychologists and sociologists. As it turned out, our brain can cover about 150 of our friends. At the same time, he captures not only long-term strong, active friendships, but also fleeting contacts. All other meetings simply drop out of our social circle.
Experts have studied in detail what kind of contacts speak of close friendship. This was determined by SMS messages, phone calls.
The top five include those with whom we communicate every day, or even several times a day. As a rule, these are our relatives, close ones, and a couple of our closest friends.
Next are the comrades with whom we communicate several times a week. There are approximately no more than 15 of them. Further, those with whom each of us communicates from time to time were identified. There are no more than 120 such people, called the outer circle of acquaintances and communication.
That is, based on the above, you can understand that everyone can have up to 150 friends and this is quite normal. He's just sociable, communicative. We communicate with someone more closely, and sometimes we see others and do not maintain constant connections. And only you can decide how many friends you can make for yourself. It all depends on your character, behavior, habits and interests.
Important: psychologists and sociologists recommend that you must have up to 12 friends with whom you need to maintain strong relationships. So there will be confidence that you will not be left alone in your problems and. Feel like a truly happy person who has found harmony with the world around you. And how to do this - we will study further.
How to build strong and sincere friendships
So, each of us has a lot of acquaintances, but there are not so many friends among them. In order not to lose contact and build a truly strong, sincere and lasting friendship, it is necessary to adhere to the following recommendations from experienced sociologists and psychologists.
- Choose your friends wisely and responsibly. It’s not normal to be friend to everyone. Is that not to conflict with anyone - that's another matter. True friends are those who wish you well, do not pull "to the bottom", support in everything, and if necessary, then criticize, put on a true one, treat with respect.
- Learn to listen to your friend, and try to delve into everything that he says. If you misunderstood something - ask again, clarify the moment. To make it clear that you need a clearer statement of thoughts, your non-verbal and verbal signals can be - a nod of the head, gestures, facial expressions.
- Never "blurt out" with your tongue, but think about what you are saying. You should especially control your words, emotions in an angry, angry state. Sometimes it is enough to keep silent before the phrase for just a minute and what is said does not hurt the person so much. If you don't hold back, you risk losing your relationship with someone who has supported you over the years.
- Do not impose your opinion. You can give advice, but if you feel that you are interfering in the life of another person without his asking, stop. The most that you can do in difficult life situations for a friend is to write a letter, a message with support, or say it in words.
- Don't teach anyone how to live, everyone should make their own decisions. All that is needed from you is words of support and unobtrusive advice.
- Don't play, friends are too sensitive to insincere relationships. As soon as a person feels that someone wants to outplay him, to deceive him, he is immediately disappointed and ends the relationship.
- Don't pretend. Be sincere in relationships, do not try to please in everything, giving up your opinions, views, interests.
- Be honest and open. Communication with a friend should be built on trust. Never refuse the help of a friend and offer him your participation in his problems. If difficult situations arise, solve them together with your best friends.
- Accept your friends as they are. Do not try to remake the person who accepts you with all your flaws. Try and you restrain your ambitions and accept friends with all their "flaws" and oddities.
- Treat their selection with respect. Nobody says that you should listen to your friend with an "open mouth" and agree with him in everything. If he is going to do something wrong, obviously bad, stop him, but carefully. Doesn't help - let him do what he wants - everyone learns from their mistakes. Each of us has his own life, and no matter how close and sincere the friendship is, everyone has their own interests.
- Be an example in friendship. That is, show those qualities that you would like to see from your friends. So you can attract the maximum number of not only friends, but also well-wishers.
- Sensitivity is important. Listening to your friend, delving into the history of his actions and deeds, try to stand in his place and understand what you would do. This will help you better understand what drives your buddy.
- Encourage your buddies. Each of us periodically needs recognition, praise, compliments, friends are no exception. If you have done something pleasant or achieved some kind of success, praise him, admire his deeds aloud.
- Be grateful to your friends for everything they do for you. And even because they keep friendly relations with you. Show your gratitude with messages, cards, presents, surprises, etc.
- Admit your guilt and never be afraid to apologize for doing something wrong. It is very important to understand that you are doing something wrong, so that you will not only maintain a strong friendship, but also earn respect. In addition, "hack it on the nose" and you will know what not to do in the future.
- Learn to forgive. Your friend did something wrong and regrets it. Imagine that you can be in his place, so if the person sincerely regrets what happened.
- Forget the bad. Negative stories related to friends are ballast, dragging relationships down. You have already experienced all this, so there is no point in remembering what causes offense, pain, creates an unpleasant aftertaste.
- Always make time for your friends. No, you do not need to completely drown in friendly entertainment if you have a wife, children, parents at home who need to communicate with you. Just keep in touch from time to time, find time to meet and chat. Let them know that contact with them is important to you, you miss them and are ready to help you whenever you need it. As a last resort, with a tight work schedule, write them messages, communicate in chats and share new events in your life, the lives of children.
- Do yours. And if you are not able to keep your word, do not give it. Otherwise it will become a habit and you will be considered a banal "yap", who only does what he says in vain. Even if you can't do it, admit it. Make it clear that you did everything in your power, but did not work.
- Always do what not only you, but also your friends enjoy. Friendship implies shared interests and hobbies. If you pull the blanket over yourself and force your friend to do only what you like, he will be disappointed, he will get bored with everything, and he will stop communicating with you.
- Take new steps, visit recently discovered places together, in a company with friends. For example, a new cafe has opened in your area, why not spend time there with friends you hold dear. Good experiences together strengthen friendships.
- Any phenomenon can fall into a period of stagnation, friendship is no exception. It also needs to be periodically "warmed up" and the best way to do this will help a fun pastime. Stop getting together just to complain about life and whimper. Shake yourself up - arrange a feast (without alcohol), go out of town and relax by the river, in the forest, go fishing, fry kebabs, fish, sausages. It doesn't matter what you do, the main thing is that everyone has fun.
- Don't pull the covers over yourself, don't be selfish. You can't build friendships just to satisfy your own needs. Remember the interpretation - friendship is a community of interests and goals of two or more people, not one. It is necessary not only to take, but also to give, this is the only way to build honest, open and trusting relationships.
- The relationship with a friend should be equally responsible. For example, if you live in different cities, visit each other in turns. It is impossible for the whole process of relations to be supported by only one side. If there is a misunderstanding in the contacts, a conflict is brewing, all parties should also work to restore relations.
- A close friend has trouble, trouble, problem - you have to be his main fan. It is not a fact that he is right in everything, he needs to tell him his opinion separately. And against the general background, do not betray your friend and fully support him.
- As the friendship grows, you will surely develop such trusting ties that you will share the most intimate. Keep your buddy's secrets private and don't let him down with your chatter. Otherwise, you will quite rightly be considered a "traitor" and a gossip.
- Don't hold on to a friendship that doesn't last. It so happens that close friendships come to a conclusion. It's okay - let the person go, perhaps his outlook on life has changed and his goals do not coincide with yours. Everyone changes, you too will not always be the same person. Changes in relationships are also good for you. New acquaintances will begin, new friends will appear with completely different ideas about the meaning of life than your old friend.
And finally, the most important and universal advice - treat your friendship and friend the way you would like to be treated. This means that each of us has the right to respect, attention, praise and support. Do not lose touch with someone who is ready to quit business at any moment and come to your aid. Believe me, such friendship in our time is at a very high price.
Lack of friends worries people of all ages, hobbies and professions, everyone knows the wave of loneliness, from which it is almost impossible to hide. Of course, some entertain themselves with illusions, summing up the numbers that display the number of friends and subscribers on social networks, blogs, but sooner or later they will understand: electronic friends and friends in reality are completely different concepts.
What could be the reasons for not having friends?
If you are one of the people described above who are looking for virtual friends, this may be the problem. It is possible that you are surrounded by people who would be happy to be friends with you, who like you, and who need you. But at the same time, you simply do not notice them, trying to find friends on the Internet. Are you sure that all of the above is not about you? Then let's understand further.
Complexes or an unsuccessful company!
If you are uncomfortable in society, if you want to sink into the ground just not to communicate in a team, or just run away from it as quickly as possible, there are two options for this. The first is that you got into an unsuccessful company, the second is that you just feel insecure and for some reason, complex.
Bad appearance
First, let's consider your appearance in terms of physical qualities. Do you go to the gym, do you exercise, do you do other sports? No? So it's time to start. By starting to play sports, you will improve your appearance, which means that they will begin to pay more attention to you, and as a result, it is more likely that they will make friends with you. And it is much easier to find friends without bad habits in the sports section than, say, among the random people we meet on the street.
Now let's turn to appearance, as to the style and preferences of a person. Perhaps you should pay more attention to caring for your clothes and yourself. Change your hairstyle, change the style of clothing and behavior ...
You do not know how to communicate!
The first is the presence of obscene language in the conversation. Of course, if your finger is pinched by the door, most likely you will not be able to hold back because of the pain. And those around you will understand - you are in pain. But if you have every second word - obscene - this is the first indicator that you cannot find normal friends.
Also, it's not just how you speak, what you say is important. If everything that you have read in your life comes down to the inscriptions on the fence and instructions for toilet paper - most likely, with you, few people will be interested. And even if you find new friends, but remain at the same level of reading and interestingness, you will soon notice that friends are leaving ...
Inappropriate behavior
Sometimes it happens like this: you communicate with a person for a long time, and then he suddenly looks at you strangely, and stops paying attention as before, over time, he stops communicating altogether. Behind him is the next one. Why do friends leave you? Perhaps simply because they are ashamed to be with you in public places because of your ignorance, lack of restraint or bad manners. Yes, when you are alone, they pay little attention to it, but when they meet with you with acquaintances and they make it clear with a look “oh God, who are you walking with, what a disgrace?”, They involuntarily think, but it’s worth whether to continue the relationship, and move away without realizing it.
How do I find friends?
You do not need a compass or a map, do not wander for a long time, peering through the streets at passers-by and trying to understand: is not a potential friend in front of you. Friends will find themselves. But in order to help them, you will need to follow some guidelines, which we will discuss below.
First, change your appearance. Remember once and for all two truths:
- Each of us has shortcomings, you can't get away from this. You should not complex, it is the shortcomings that make you unique. At the same time, one should not extol the disadvantages: for example, such disadvantages as being overweight, dirty hair, and the like can be combated.
- No matter how beautiful a person is, he can always become even better.
Second, constantly grow and develop. Read more, get an education, develop your career ladder, find a new hobby, get to know each other, achieve your goals, travel, get rid of bad habits, etc.
And the third, no less important than the first two points. If you have become recognizable and attractive, if you are surrounded by friends, if you are successful and happy, never be arrogant, do not betray, do not alienate from yourself those whom you promised to protect, whom you promised to help, and with whom you wanted to be friends. Only in this case, they will want to continue to communicate with you, you must be a reliable friend or girlfriend, on whom you can rely in difficult times, whom you can trust, and who will never betray you for anything.
In contact with
It's hard to imagine life without friends. But it happens. This means that a person does not have the opportunity to find support from people who can be trusted.
After all, the concept of "friend" has a significant difference from the familiar. Acquaintances are people with whom they keep in touch only for a specific reason. It should be noted that friends, over time, can move into the category of "acquaintances." And vice versa, gradually, acquaintances become friends.
But still, if a person says: "I have no friends - what should I do?" there are some tips to give.
First of all, you don't have to set yourself the goal of finding a friend. This should happen on its own. After all, we begin to maintain friendship with the phrase "Let's be friends" only in childhood. And as we grow up, we find like-minded people who turn into friends. This process happens by itself.
People unite around a common cause, at work, while studying, on vacation. If you want to get to know a specific person, then you should do it in an informal setting. Here you can ask questions of interest, find out what you want to know about him. And then it will become clear whether you have something in common, whether this is your person in spirit.
In addition, the complexes that we acquired earlier hinder new acquaintances. A bad friendship experience can inspire fear or insecurity. Throw everything out of your head, people are different and everything will be fine with you. Mistrust will not give you the opportunity to feel friendship in full.
But if you have no friends, then you need to look for the reason in yourself. Perhaps this is a hot-tempered character, betrayal and deception on your part. There can be many reasons, the main thing is to look at yourself from the outside and correct mistakes.
A person must have friends and must be earned.
- look for thematic meetings in your city - find a community on a social network dedicated to your interests, and go to such a meeting;
- sign up for any courses of interest: dance, yoga, master classes in decorating, even martial arts - it's never too late to start something new;
- get a dog. People with dogs simply cannot help but walk together, they are constantly "huddled in flocks" (if the dogs do not conflict) and walk at the same time;
- you can travel, have a new hobby, sign up as a volunteer somewhere and show all kinds of social activity.
Simply put, strive where there are people. Friendship is something ephemeral, but at the same time valuable. You will not be able to manage friendship, as, for example, climbing the career ladder, because the warmth between people is either there or not.
The main thing is to want and communicate with different people. You will most likely find a friend when you least expect it.
Make goodwill a rule. It's no secret that people love those who love them. But only it should not be intrusive. If you immediately lash out at a potential friend, he will run away from you faster than he realizes what kind of person you are.
Sincerity is important in communication, many people clearly calculate falsehood. You need a benevolent smile, lightness, sincere interest in the interlocutor. Ask what he likes, what hobbies are in his life, listen more than talk. And in no case interrupt the interlocutor, have a conscience, listen to the end, and then speak yourself.
If you are invited to visit, do not think to refuse, it is in you that doubts speak. But they are useless. If the person is good, you can come to a new company. You still can't guess how the day will turn out. But it is better to regret what happened than to suffer for what did not happen.
How to meet:
V. Dovgan's advice:
Practicing Psychologist Tips:
10 ways to make friends:
The first thing you need to do is get rid of the pessimistic thoughts: "I have no friends, nobody needs me." Stop. Declare yourself to the world, and let them not think that you are a gray mass, let them hear about you. Try to attend social events. Get used to being in the crowd. Do you have a hobby or hobby? If not, then you need to come up with. Sign up for fitness, dancing, a handicraft club, a swimming pool, any sports activity, a literary circle - if only you like it. There you will meet many new acquaintances. And common interests will help you get closer. After all, a common occupation is a ready-made, inexhaustible topic for a friendly conversation, and then friendship is not far off.
How about charity? Do good deeds. Kindness attracts kindness. Ask for volunteers. There you will definitely meet worthy people. Such friends and acquaintances are a real gift from heaven. So, look for friends in the right place. In addition, joint work unites. Exactly what is needed.
If you are having difficulty communicating, start dating online. It's much easier. It is believed that when dealing with a new person, it is difficult to make eye contact. The internet solves this problem. Just don't take virtual communication for an alternative. This is only a stage of communication in order to hone your skills, start an acquaintance and continue it with a meeting in reality.
And now it's worth dealing with the psychological side of the issue. Often the lack of friends is explained precisely by psychological problems, and on this occasion, here are some tips:
Make goodwill a rule. It's no secret that people love those who love them. But only it should not be intrusive. If you immediately lash out at a potential friend, he will run away from you faster than he realizes what kind of person you are. Sincerity is important in communication, many people clearly calculate falsehood. You need a benevolent smile, lightness, sincere interest in the interlocutor. Ask what he likes, what hobbies are in his life, listen more than talk. And in no case interrupt the interlocutor, have a conscience, listen to the end, and then speak yourself.
If you are invited to visit, do not think to refuse, it is in you that doubts speak. But they are useless. If you can come to a new company. You still can't guess how the day will turn out. But it is better to regret what happened than to suffer for what did not happen.
We are spoiled by bad people who hurt and humiliated us, were unfriendly. But these are their problems, you need not to dwell on bad experiences. People are different. And so that you no longer get upset and think that "here I have no friends," try to find contact with people, and remember that not all doors are locked. You can definitely find one that will be pleasant to go to. Sometimes you will think back to the time when you sadly said, "I have no friends." But these will only be memories.
Hello! The thing is, I have no real friends. I am 18 years old, I am currently in my first year. In childhood, up to 10 years old, we were friends, then we often moved, I changed schools and no strong friendship was formed with anyone.
Then there was a company of friends, we met, talked, but I gradually began to feel that I was not interested in them, and they seemed to me as a stranger. Different interests, different perceptions of the world.
So I gradually moved away from them, now we do not communicate.
Then, in an art school, I kind of found friends with whom I had a common language, interests. But as soon as the artist finished, some of them disappeared, I communicate with the rest only in the net. In the new school, class at 8, I was closed, because I was jarred that the "leaders" - the boys scoffed, humiliated not like them (although more worthy and decent guys).
I was also initially ridiculed, but I managed to stand up for myself and in high school I was respected and not touched. The classmates were more like friends, not friends.
It happens that I find people with whom it is interesting to communicate, and I think that over time we will become good friends, but they all either already have or are gradually acquiring good friends, and I am somewhere in the background. And it is not clear what is the matter - in me? Or are they just not the right people?
So it turns out that I have many good friends and acquaintances, but I have no one to go somewhere. Recently, I began to worry strongly about this. Life is passing by. Previously, this was only on vacation, when you stay at home all the time.
It always seemed that I would start going there (for example, dancing) - I would definitely find a girlfriend, I thought that I had to wait a bit and friends would appear. Now I am panicky afraid that I will wait all my life.
On holidays, weekends, my peers all go somewhere, and I'm at home and in order not to be sad, I try to have a productive time. I go out somewhere, at best, once a month.
And it seems to me that I will never have a boyfriend (I have never even met with anyone) ((. A few months ago it did not oppress me. I do not understand those who hang themselves on the neck to the first person they meet to tell later how many she had guys.
As soon as I turned 18, loneliness became very, very oppressive.
I am quite sociable, but unobtrusive, open, not only listen but also hear people, if it is interesting to communicate with a person, I do not pay attention to any character flaws, clothes, appearance. I don’t want to sound boastful, but I think that I understand people well and understand people well, because I am very interested in psychology.
Now, at the university, I have found friends, but I am afraid that with them I will become a "backup option", because they already have closer friends. I also have no sisters of the same age, I would be happy if they were.
Mom says that maybe I still keep some distance from people, I don't open too much, although I don't think so. She also has no friends, only acquaintances.
Help me, I don't know what to do. I understand that I need to change something in myself, and I don’t know what.