First, I would like to ask forgiveness from all people who suffer from gossip and send negative responses to relatives and friends of gossips. But please understand that we suffer from our relatives no less, we cannot explain to them that it is impossible to do this and we just have to get used to it.

__________________________

I very often get negativity from others, insults for no reason and slander just because my mother behaves impartially - she discusses, slanders people and insults behind the back. And the response, in order to take revenge more painfully, goes to us, the most unprotected relatives. Only now she has nothing from this, she does not experience moral suffering from what we receive for her. On the contrary, she takes all slander for pure water, as well as her gossip about people.

Many times, every day, several times a day, I tell her that she is wrong, that her information is false, I convict her of lies and deceit, I ask you not to slander people, not to gossip, I try not to go anywhere with her, so that people did not know that I was her daughter. But nothing helps.

She just slandered her neighbor, they just hit it off, and she, also of a narrow mind, began to lie about me, unsubstantiated, just invent. These gossips reach the point of absurdity, people are already saying that I gave the child the middle name of my father (although the child's middle name is not even close), they come up with diseases that never existed and did not even exist.

When my mother begins to discuss someone at home, I do not notice, I get up and leave, saying that I am not interested. And she begins to say that I am a boor, we have no family, there is nothing to talk to me about, and so on. But the problems of our family do not interest her. It is impossible to discuss family matters with her. To all she replies that she does not care.

Every day the condition in the family is getting worse. Mom insults and slanders people, they insult and slander me, my father. The father, too, cannot do anything with her, he either leaves for the whole day, or drinks. He says that his mother went crazy and he does not understand what is happening.

If there are psychologists here, please help. I will also be glad to a simple kind word. Maybe someone in a similar situation.

In real life, people are afraid to communicate with me, they think that I am like a mother ...

There is one thing that our society does not forgive, along with pedophilia, infanticide and the worst atrocities. For her, the most ordinary, seemingly decent person is defamed, stigmatized, asked to change her mind and correct herself. Do you already understand what I mean?
This is not love for parents. But if you think about it, then there are reasons for everything. Imagine two situations ...

Windows in this house are replaced by hammered, leaky plywood, which does not save you from anything. All around the darkness and stench from the bucket turned into a toilet here. Choking mud. Broken furniture and many battered sofas all around. On these sofas lie smelly people of characteristically drunken appearance. And children. Small. The elders have already been taken to the orphanage. Came for the next batch.

These are not the horrors of juvenile justice, these are, I would say, her usual everyday life.

At first, of course, the mothers of these children were given a second chance, and the third was also given. She even corrected herself, found a job, money appeared and ... everything was repeated anew. Until this woman, completely stupefied by alcohol, changing roommates, incessant pregnancies and childbirth, simply did not stop responding to the next arrival of the police and representatives of the guardianship. They took away, well, to hell with them, she is pregnant again.

However, for the children of this woman, it became a real drama: their mother was taken away from them! It would seem that children are transferred to a warm place, where they have finally ceased to be hungry, they have a place to sleep normally and do completely normal children's activities and games. But no. Many of them perceived the teachers around them as enemies: they took their mother away from them!

Even if they were taken away already in adolescence, when they should already understand that being fed, arranged is the norm, and the way they lived with their mother abnormally, they continue to run back to their mother.
And there are other examples. A completely ordinary family. With dad and mom. In a nice apartment with all the necessary children's paraphernalia. And open hatred in the eyes of a child looking at his mother. This child is perfectly good everywhere except his home. He happily lives with his grandparents, with his aunt and uncle, and with tears hides under the table if his parents come to take him home.

This child is not offended by parents, not beaten, not bullied. It's just that his dislike of his mother has another reason: a younger brother. And the mother, who is busy with the youngest child, is more than the older one.
Everything has a reason, so I always ask myself: is the love of a child for his mother so unconditional?

When a child is still very young, a mother is the universe for him. And when the child grows up and begins to be aware of the world around him, and the relationship with his mother clearly did not work out for various reasons? Does he have to love his mother?
Is there such a task at all, it is obligatory to love the mother? Why, when we hear from children about dislike for mom, our only argument becomes: she is your mother. Moreover, with such a reproach. And such a child lives not only without normal feelings for his mother, but also with guilt for not loving his mother.

Isn't it time to admit that not loving your own mother is, if not the norm, then at least there is a place to be. To recognize that a small or large child has his right not to love. For some reason, if previously loving spouses divorced, we reserve such a right for them, and the child does not have the right to divorce unloved parents by default.

I know a lot of perfectly normal, socialized adults who don't like their mothers and don't bother about it. This is the same pattern: if he does not love his mother, then he is poor and unhappy.
Is it possible to say that due to the lack of love for her own mother, the successful actress Anastasia Samburskaya suffers a lot, who bluntly said: “She drinks like hell,” and forgot the way to her mother. And, I suppose, the only thing that worries Samburskaya in this matter is that the drinking mother doesn’t one day jump out like a devil out of a snuffbox with the request: “YAZHYMAT, YAZHYTEBORODILA, HAVE GIVE!”. And how much slop will be poured on her by the patronizing public, when Anastasia doesn’t give her a drink. A nightmare on a suffocating night.

And a successful restaurateur, owner of a ballet school, muse and wife of Shnur - Matilda Shnurova - is also unhappy if her mother threw her at grandmothers, first carried away by the change of husbands, and then "opening chakras and energy channels", and left for another city away from all the problems one of which is little Matilda?

And there are a great many such examples. The only thing that really torments many is guilt for the lack of love for the mother. Although, is a child obliged by default to love his mother?

Disrespect - all people have a duty to respect each other. Not to care - this is regulated by law. Namely, to love. What do you think?

When your relationship with your mom is terrible

“… For many years I have only heard only criticism and insults from her. In her opinion, I always do everything wrong.

And in general I am an ungrateful daughter. "

Thousands of women come to a psychologist with similar stories, when a mother is the closest and dearest person who gave life, then does everything to ruin it.

The tyrant mother criticizes every act, every act of her daughter. However, she also criticizes inaction. She considers her daughter incapable of independent life. The oppressive mother keeps everything under her control, depriving her daughter of the right to her own life, decisions and mistakes.

Girls often fall into this trap, who in childhood try to obey their mother in everything, not to upset her. Faced with new criticism from the house tyrant, they try to become even better. As a result, they grow up with a chronic sense of guilt that they did not realize their mother's dreams of an ideal daughter and with a load of fictitious debts for everything that their mother did for them.

Is mom a tyrant?

Do you want to understand if your mother is a tyrant? Read the statements below and count how many you agree with.

1. Mom makes all the decisions for you. Criticizes your behavior, appearance, clothing style, friends, etc.
2. Your opinion is not taken into account and is considered irrelevant, immature and generally wrong. All attempts to express it end with such phrases of the mother:

• “What would you understand in this, still young!”;
• “You will live to see my age, you will find out….”;
• “When you are 50-60-70, then you will understand, only I will not see, I will not live”;
• Similar variations are possible.

1. You are constantly being told that fulfilling all the requirements and wishes of your mother is your duty, your duty, you live only for this, otherwise "... why did I give birth to you then ?!"
2. Mom often talks about what she sacrificed for you. It can be a career, moving to another city, a relationship with a man, etc.
3. The mother manipulates her health if you make even the slightest attempt to get out of her control. "You leave, leave your mother, I will die alone, no one will know!"
4. Everything that you do for mom, you do badly. Despite your efforts, you do not hear words of gratitude. Your efforts are either too small or simply taken for granted because you are the daughter and you owe it.

Did you agree with 4 or more statements in the test? It looks like your mom really is a tyrant.

Now we'll talk about how to protect yourself and your own psyche from the influence of a tyrannical mother and try to improve your relationship with her.

If your disagreements have not gone too far, then you can take the first steps in building a relationship on your own.

What to do to change the situation?

• Try to get away from constant guardianship and criticism, ideally - start living separately from the oppressive parent.

• If this is not possible, then start behaving more autonomously: do not report to her for your actions, do not tell the details of your personal life or relationships in a team, then you will not hear moralizing and reproaches
• Do not consult with her at every step - let her see that you are able to exist separately from her, make independent decisions, live your life.
• Set boundaries for communication. First of all for myself, and then for my mother. After all, your life is only yours. It is not simple. First, these boundaries will have to be built, and then guarded and defended.

Of course, blackmail will begin, and you will hear that your mother is your closest and dearest person, and this gives her every right to claim your personal space.

At these moments, it is very important to remain calm and not succumb to provocations. The mother will manipulate to take the habitual "top" position. And it depends only on your endurance whether you can defend your own rights to independence and autonomy.

Firmly and systematically stop attempts to violate your personal boundaries and, in the end, mom will understand where she can and where she can’t. It is important to understand that the mother is like that and you cannot change her. Learn to accept it "in all its glory": with criticism and moralizing, complaints and unnecessary advice.

Learn to listen calmly and then make decisions for yourself.

And when the initial storm dies down, try to hear what she is really trying to say behind Mom's lectures and criticism. Perhaps the fear of loneliness speaks in her, fear for you, but she cannot express her feelings in another way.

Talk about her childhood, her parents, her youth. Perhaps mom deserves a little more warmth and understanding than you think.

But if you see that the situation has gone too far and you understand that you can no longer cope with all this alone, come to me for a consultation, I have been working in this topic for more than 12 years and will help you build a new relationship with your mother, without anger , resentment and feelings of guilt. Want a result? Sign up!

Veprentsova Svetlana Yurievna

PhD in Psychology, Family Psychologist

There is one thing that our society does not forgive, along with pedophilia, infanticide and the worst atrocities. For her, the most ordinary, seemingly decent person is defamed, stigmatized, asked to change her mind and correct herself. Do you already understand what I mean?

Windows in this house are replaced by hammered, leaky plywood, which does not save you from anything. All around the darkness and stench from the bucket turned into a toilet here. Choking mud. Broken furniture and many battered sofas all around. On these sofas lie smelly people of characteristically drunken appearance. And children. Small. The elders have already been taken to the orphanage. Came for the next batch.

These are not the horrors of juvenile justice, these are, I would say, her usual everyday life.

At first, of course, the mothers of these children were given a second chance, and the third was also given. She even corrected herself, found a job, money appeared and ... everything was repeated anew. Until this woman, completely stupefied by alcohol, changing roommates, incessant pregnancies and childbirth, simply did not stop responding to the next arrival of the police and representatives of the guardianship. They took away, well, to hell with them, she is pregnant again.

However, for the children of this woman, it became a real drama: their mother was taken away from them! It would seem that children are transferred to a warm place, where they have finally ceased to be hungry, they have a place to sleep normally and do completely normal children's activities and games. But no. Many of them perceived the teachers around them as enemies: they took their mother away from them!

Even if they were taken away already in adolescence, when they should already understand that being fed, arranged is the norm, and the way they lived with their mother abnormally, they continue to run back to their mother.
And there are other examples. A completely ordinary family. With dad and mom. In a nice apartment with all the necessary children's paraphernalia. And open hatred in the eyes of a child looking at his mother. This child is perfectly good everywhere except his home. He happily lives with his grandparents, with his aunt and uncle, and with tears hides under the table if his parents come to take him home.

This child is not offended by parents, not beaten, not bullied. It's just that his dislike of his mother has another reason: a younger brother. And the mother, who is busy with the youngest child, is more than the older one.
Everything has a reason, so I always ask myself: is the love of a child for his mother so unconditional?

When a child is still very young, a mother is the universe for him. And when the child grows up and begins to be aware of the world around him, and the relationship with his mother clearly did not work out for various reasons? Does he have to love his mother?
Is there such a task at all, it is obligatory to love the mother? Why, when we hear from children about dislike for mom, our only argument becomes: she is your mother. Moreover, with such a reproach. And such a child lives not only without normal feelings for his mother, but also with guilt for not loving his mother.

Isn't it time to admit that not loving your own mother is, if not the norm, then at least there is a place to be. To recognize that a small or large child has his right not to love. For some reason, if previously loving spouses divorced, we reserve such a right for them, and the child does not have the right to divorce unloved parents by default.

I know a lot of perfectly normal, socialized adults who don't like their mothers and don't bother about it. This is the same pattern: if he does not love his mother, then he is poor and unhappy.
Is it possible to say that due to the lack of love for her own mother, the successful actress Anastasia Samburskaya suffers a lot, who bluntly said: “She drinks like hell,” and forgot the way to her mother. And, I suppose, the only thing that worries Samburskaya in this matter is that the drinking mother doesn’t one day jump out like a devil out of a snuffbox with the request: “YAZHYMAT, YAZHYTEBORODILA, HAVE GIVE!”. And how much slop will be poured on her by the patronizing public, when Anastasia doesn’t give her a drink. A nightmare on a suffocating night.

And a successful restaurateur, owner of a ballet school, muse and wife of Shnur - Matilda Shnurova - is also unhappy if her mother threw her at grandmothers, first carried away by the change of husbands, and then "opening chakras and energy channels", and left for another city away from all the problems one of which is little Matilda?

And there are a great many such examples. The only thing that really torments many is guilt for the lack of love for the mother. Although, is a child obliged by default to love his mother?

Disrespect - all people have a duty to respect each other. Not to care - this is regulated by law. Namely, to love. What do you think?

Discovery: My Horrible Story
Original title: Discovery: My Shocking Story
Year of issue: 2008-2009
Genre: Documentary
Released: UK, Discovery

The Discovery Channel kicks off the unprecedented series, My Horrible Story, about people who have been disguised by illness and who struggle with their illness no matter what. They are not like others, but they strive to live the most ordinary life, every day of which for them turns into a real feat. Pick up a spoon, take a step or even inhale - actions that we do not even notice, sometimes require incredible efforts from them. Most of the ailments afflicted by the heroes of the program "My Horrible Story" are unique - and while some doctors shrug their shoulders in search of precedents, others are looking for unprecedented solutions to help these people. Hear non-fictional stories on Discovery Channel's new program, My Horrible Story. The story of this or that hero goes on throughout the whole series, and no wonder - the dedication, perseverance, optimism of each of them deserve a separate story. When the fisherman Dede's arms and legs were covered with strange growths and, as a result, became similar to the roots of a tree, his wife left him, leaving two sons. Dede, who had to re-learn how to perform the simplest actions, did not give up and was able to earn a living in order to feed himself and his children. In his youth, the Portuguese Jose Mestre developed a swelling on his lip, and eventually grew to such a size that he was almost blind, and every meal turns into hellish torture. The tumor continues to grow and may one day block the airways. His last hope is the latest research and the expertise of leading British surgeons. Not all the heroes of the program have hope for a cure: modern medicine does not know how to restore normal growth to the world's smallest children or the world's smallest mother. However, doctors, relatives, friends help these people feel like everyone else - and this support is sometimes invaluable. Doctors not only saved the life of Christian Rey, who decided to become a mother with a height of 84 cm, but also helped to give birth to a healthy baby. Due to her height, 12-year-old Hannah Kritzeck is similar to Thumbelina - but thanks to the support of others, she goes to a regular school, makes friends with ordinary children, goes in for dancing - in a word, leads the life of an ordinary teenager. The program "My Horrible Story" presents a completely new perspective on hardships and problems, and perhaps the example of its heroes will help someone find the strength to solve their own life difficulties.

My Horror Story - The World's Smallest Mom

Christiane Rae is already 20, but her height is only 84 centimeters, which makes her look like a little girl and not like an adult woman. Meanwhile, Christiane already has a daughter of her own, whom she gave birth to at the risk of her own life. The fetus threatened to rupture the heart and lungs, but Christiane was determined to give birth, and the doctors helped her desire to come true. Thanks to the care of doctors, now both Christianna and her daughter Kirsten are doing well, and Jeremy, Christiana's boyfriend, is in seventh heaven. Currently, Christiana is choosing a wedding dress for herself, and Jeremy promises to carry his future wife in his arms all his life - fortunately, with his height of 190 cm, he will be quite capable of it.