How to forget about a friend. How to forget the girl you love? Councils of psychologists. Fairy tale therapy as a way to work out the situation

Many articles and books have been written about how to survive the betrayal of a friend. A huge number of films have been made on this topic. Fake female friendship is such a hackneyed concept that it's hard to find something more banal. However, when betrayal strikes, they are usually not prepared for it.


It always seems to a person that nothing bad will happen to him. Friends are real, they will never betray. Unfortunately, life sooner or later breaks such illusions. You need to be able to deal with this.

How to survive the betrayal of a friend and loved one

It is very painful when a girlfriend who has been trusted with secrets for many years, who knows literally everything, suddenly turns out to be a traitor. It hurts even more when a double blow catches up: the beloved man is cheating with his best friend. It's really hard to deal with such a betrayal. After all, there is no one to even cry into the vest.

Here, healthy anger and a desire for revenge can help to get out of the abyss of despair. It is these feelings with a bad "reputation" in such situations that have saved more than one woman. Every person who has at least a drop of ambition and self-love can use them for his own good.

You need to start by accepting the fact of betrayal. A friend framed or started a relationship with her beloved - in any case - simply crossed out years of friendship. She did not consider the feelings of others, although she knew very well about them. It hurts to admit that you turn out to be an empty place for two dear people. So you need to convince them otherwise.

It is on this, by no means noble, but somewhere maybe even childish motivation, that you can pull yourself out of the swamp. The desire to show traitors that everything is fine without them will make you smile and shine in public. The thought that they considered you a nobody will be the impetus to become someone. At least in my own eyes.

Someone begins to analyze his life and finds in it a lot of achievements, and in himself - virtues. Others, recognizing that they really have not really achieved anything, are trying to catch up. In any case, a person driven by the desire for revenge sweeps away all obstacles like a tank. As a result, achieving great results.

Of course, neither a friend nor a former young man will suffer if the abandoned one is fine. On the contrary, perhaps it will become easier for them - the burden of guilt will fall. Therefore, we are not talking about real revenge here - you don’t have to worry that you will have to repent later. However, they definitely will not have a reason to regret the happy and successful.

This is perhaps the most important thing. After all, betrayal is a blow primarily to pride. This is the basis of the method of salvation described above. Trying to appear strong, a woman does not allow herself to turn into a weakling. Trying to become happy for the evil of others - it becomes it for yourself. Which is what needed to be achieved.

If at the first stages anger can help you pull yourself together and not become limp, then all the same, such “girls” come as melancholy, nostalgia, sadness. It's unavoidable. People who have left our lives leave a mark on it. Some things, memories, habits are connected with them.

All this makes it difficult to survive the breakup. Doubts begin: “Did I do the right thing?”. “Maybe she (he, they) is not to blame?” etc. To avoid this and survive the betrayal of your best friend or any other loved one more or less painlessly, psychologists advise:

1. Having learned about an unpleasant situation, try to immediately “turn on your head”, analyze and evaluate everything as objectively as possible. Perhaps there was no betrayal. Maybe a friend was deceived by someone, used, became a victim of some kind of intrigue woven by a third party. Perhaps everything is so - she began, for example, to meet with your young man, but at the same time she suffers madly, and is unable to cope with her feelings. Everything happens in life. Even what at first glance seems like a huge betrayal can be something completely different.

2. If, nevertheless, this is exactly what is happening, all ties must be cut and bridges must be burned. You should not leave the path to return to people who deceived you, plotted and laughed behind your back. Such, without hesitation, will betray both the second time and the third. Therefore, out of mind and out of sight. All "reminders" (general photos, diary entries, postcards, phone numbers, etc.) are ruthlessly thrown into the furnace. If there is not even a trace of a person left in your life, the memory of him will also soon be erased.

3. No alcohol! If we were talking about a different situation, one could advise getting drunk with your best friend once: talk, cry and let go of your pain. However, everything is different here. There is no one to cry - a friend herself turned out to be a traitor. Drinking alone, and even more so with not very close people, is fraught with bad consequences. In addition, alcohol awakens nostalgia - you can do a lot of stupid things under the influence of alcohol. The main thing is that a glass does not heal, but only relieves pain for a while. In the morning everything will appear in even more black color.

Hello! My name is Masha. I am 16 years old and I am in the 10th grade. Well, let's start with the fact that I have very few friends. We can say that there are no real ones. This will be discussed. I have a best friend. More precisely, it was until we finally quarreled with her. We talked with her since kindergarten. Always together: at any time, at any second.

She was my only best friend that I could rely on and give away all my secrets. This is the only person with whom I laughed sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. She saved the most fun moments in my life. In general, I was happy with her, like no other. Years have passed. We have matured. Everything in life has changed. We have changed too. By the way, I note that from the 5th grade we study separately, because the classes are all mixed up. Well, accordingly, they found new girlfriends in their class, but still they were inseparable. In the class she had only girls of easy virtue, smoking, drinking. (thank God, they didn’t get anything bad from them) In private, I confess, we discussed them, said how bad they were, etc. With these girls she is friends and sow the day. After that, we began to spend very little time with each other, rarely walked, we moved away. She increasingly began to walk with her classmates, without even calling me (which personally offends me). I felt disgusted with her, if I can put it that way. She became arrogant, lost weight, got prettier. In general, of course, this is not bad, but it is very good that she found herself and improved. But besides her talking about losing weight, about guys, I didn’t hear anything. She has changed. She is no longer that cheerful girl with whom you can just have fun. Not to have fun, I couldn’t even talk with her on a personal topic .... Somehow I felt uneasy. It was as if a stranger was nearby ... Of course, I knew that she had many friends and acquaintances with whom she did not even introduce me. But I knew them all. These were the people we judged, the ones we really didn't like. This is the most annoying thing. Why this duplicity? Having gone through so much together, we supported each other, helped, and she was so ... Why? What's wrong with me? Maybe I'm too dull and ugly? Most likely it is. Help, please. Because I don't have any best friends anymore. There is only a classmate-friend who is always trying to humiliate me in front of everyone, make fun of me and who every minute talks about her boyfriend. Give me the right advice. How to forget and let go of your best friend? How to find new friends? How?

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Maria!

You are now experiencing disappointment in your girlfriend. Since it has changed and these changes seem unacceptable to you. In general, you are now at the age when personality changes are inevitable. All people go through this and you can only come to terms with it. I think you are changing too. But in what direction these changes will be directed is another question, each person is unique and individual, he chooses his own values, social circle and interests. In many ways, this process depends on the upbringing and personality traits of a person. Your friend seems to be easily influenced by bad influences once she starts hanging out with people who have bad habits. Unfortunately, it's her choice, you can't do anything about it. All you can do is try not to be angry with her and keep a good attitude towards her inside, at least in memory of the fact that you used to be real friends. So at least you will not lose this part of your life, which will be important for you for some time. You should not blame yourself for the fact that a friend preferred another company. This, of course, is painful and difficult to endure, but it is not your fault. It’s just that you are different in nature, you have different values ​​and interests, which means you need to look for people with the same interests and values ​​in your environment, you will feel comfortable communicating with them. In no case should you try to adapt to that bad company, because you will not find real friends among them, but you will only deceive yourself. Start developing your interests, visit some clubs, sections, circles, where you will definitely meet new people who share the same hobbies and values ​​as you. I am sure that if you go this way, you will do well! And that classmate-friend who publicly humiliates you - it is better not to communicate closely with her, because such communication does not bring any satisfaction, but only harms you.

The end of a friendship is a very difficult emotional and psychological stage. Friendship can end due to betrayal or because friends have gone to different cities or become different people. Everyone takes a different amount of time to come to terms with the end of a friendship, depending on the length of the friendship, the degree of intimacy, and the reason for the end of the relationship. Take your time and take the time to mourn so that you can forget your ex-friend and live a fulfilling life.

Steps

Part 1

How to come to terms with loss

    Cry if you need to. After accepting that the friendship is indeed over, you may feel intense sadness at the loss of a friend. Crying is a completely natural reaction to such a situation, as it is a healthy way to express sadness. If you don't want to cry, you don't have to. Be that as it may, you must recognize and accept all your emotions.

    Go for a walk or exercise. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins that make you feel better. Also, on a walk, you can breathe fresh air and soak up the sun, which will improve your mood.

    Discuss your feelings with a trusted friend or counseling psychologist. Talking to someone you trust will help you process your emotions and see the situation from the outside. Your friend or counseling psychologist can help you look at the problem from a different angle and ease the sadness of the end of the friendship.

    • If your ex-friend has moved to another city, then you can call your mutual friend, who also misses him. Talk about your ex-friend together to make it easier for you to deal with your sadness. You can say: “Hi, Masha. I'm so sorry that Zhenya moved to another city. I really miss her jokes. Do you miss her too?”
    • If you had a fight with an ex-girlfriend, then call someone you trust to tell them that you're angry and feeling betrayed. Share what happened between you, ask for an objective opinion from the outside. For example, you could say, “Natasha and I had a big fight last week. I asked her to return 200 rubles to me, to which she began to scream and claim that I was petty. Do you think asking for my money back is a petty act? Or was her reaction too sharp?”
  1. Spend time with other friends. Chat and have fun with other friends to make it easier for you to bear the loss of a girlfriend. If you feel sad at the end of your friendship with a person, then call another friend and ask her to meet with you. Offer to go to the movies, cafes, listen to music or play games. Choose an activity that you really enjoy.

    Meet new people. If you broke up with a friend because you moved to another city, then you just need to find new friends. In a new place, you will quickly feel loneliness. Go to places where you can socialize and meet new people.

    • Look for various activities on the Internet. Residents of many cities gather in hobby clubs like board games, knitting or music and arrange meetings on social networks. Search for information that interests you to find out about upcoming events.
    • Get involved in volunteer work. Do community service that interests you. Not only will you meet new people, but you will also be able to learn new skills and have fun.
    • Become a member of a sports team. Parks and gyms often host sporting events that you can take part in. If there are no sports clubs nearby, then there must be basketball courts or football fields where you can play along with the rest, since the players are usually very friendly and will gladly accept you into their team.
  2. Do things that bring you joy. Find hobbies, sports or other activities that you enjoy. If you don't know what you want to do, try picking up a new hobby. These can be art and craft projects, sports activities like cycling or kayaking, playing a musical instrument, or making birdhouses.

    Write an ex-girlfriend a farewell letter that you won't send. Describe in a letter all the anger, frustration, and pain that you are experiencing. List all the reasons why you would miss an old friend.

Breaking up a relationship is a major shock for every person. But men, as a rule, are used to keeping negative emotions inside themselves so as not to show their weakness, and therefore they experience separation much harder than women. Painless efforts to forget your beloved cannot pass, but you can try to facilitate this process and make it faster. Psychology pays special attention to this issue and gives a number of recommendations.

Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read history carefully Marina Kozlova Read →

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    Five steps to a new life

    After parting, reality is presented in a negative light and it seems that nothing good will ever happen in it. Constant obsessive thoughts about the departed love object can sooner or later lead to prolonged depression. Strong feelings cannot be excluded from your life just like that, and pills for pain due to past love have not yet been invented. Drowning grief at the bottom of a glass is also not a way out. But not everything is so hopeless, and there is always a way to forget past relationships.

    To cope with the problem, you need to follow a simple algorithm of actions that helps to put an end to the memories of an ex-lover forever:

    1. 1. Calmly analyze what is happening.
    2. 2. Irrevocably break with the past.
    3. 3. Change your attitude to the situation.
    4. 4. Change the way of life and thoughts.
    5. 5. Be patient.

    How to stop loving a girl

    Analysis of the situation

    At first, it is difficult to realize that life without a loved one will never be the same again. But it’s worth calming down, gathering your thoughts and answering the question of why the relationship still ended. This is necessary in order to avoid similar problems in the future and the newly created union did not suffer the same fate.

    If a woman broke off relations on her own initiative, then she had her own reasons for that. But the question arises whether her feelings were sincere or whether she took everything too lightly. When not everything is going smoothly in a couple, there are frequent quarrels and conflicts, then usually loving people try to resolve them, avoiding a break and not running away from difficulties.

    If, after a period of a long relationship, the former lover chose to leave her partner and find a replacement for him, it means that she considered that she would be more comfortable in a new alliance with another man. In this case, there was no question of any love on her part from the very beginning. It is very difficult to realize this fact, nevertheless, one should not deceive oneself and indulge in unrealizable hopes that everything will be the same. It is impossible to enter the same river twice, which means that it is impossible to return an outdated union. You need to come to terms with this and start building your life further without this person.

    There are situations when a man himself did not appreciate his beloved and decided to leave, and then regretted what had happened. During this time, the ex-girlfriend could enter into a new relationship, and the attempts, which has a boyfriend, for the most part end in a hard refusal. In this case, it is worth getting rid of guilt and stop reproaching yourself for something that can no longer be changed. No one is immune from mistakes, because they are an integral part of life experience. The main thing is to learn a useful lesson from this situation and not to do something similar in the future.

    How to forget your ex wife

    Let go of the past

    It is impossible to erase from memory everything connected with a former lover. And you should not do this, because this is a certain segment of life. But some things reminiscent of the past should be got rid of:

    • The first item on the list of irritants are photos of an ex-lover or joint photos, reminiscent of lived happy moments. You can throw them away, burn them or send them to her - no matter which method you choose, but keeping them in plain sight is undesirable.
    • All gifts, souvenirs, postcards, things that are associated with an ex-girlfriend must leave the house.
    • The girl's phone number, all messages from her on mobile or social networks must be deleted. It is better to temporarily delete your profiles and change your SIM card so that there is no temptation to call or go to the page in order to read the latest news from the life of a former passion.
    • It is necessary to exclude everyday communication with your beloved and limit contacts with mutual acquaintances, at least for a while.

    If the lovers broke up while the man was in the army, then this will only benefit. A clear daily routine and the absence of random meetings will quickly help you erase unnecessary memories and get distracted. But the situation can be complicated by the fact that, by chance, you have to see her every day, for example, if she is a work colleague or a neighbor in the stairwell. In this case, you should not stay alone with your ex-girlfriend, engage in intimate conversations, only a non-binding greeting is allowed. If seeing her every day is unbearably painful, you can change jobs or move.

    Change your attitude towards what happened

    Here you need to follow the ancient wisdom and change your attitude towards the situation, if it is impossible to change the situation itself. First you need to come to terms with the girl’s decision to end the relationship and force yourself to respect her choice. She had every right to build a life differently and she herself would have to be responsible for the consequences of such actions.

    If she no longer loves, this is not the end, but, on the contrary, the beginning of a new happy life. You should not stoop to tantrums, scandals, intrusive calls and harassment, this humiliates the man himself. Under no circumstances should you lose respect for yourself. Letting go of your beloved is a worthy deed that only a strong-willed man can do.

    To stop suffering and constantly think about your ex-girlfriend, as well as restore emotional balance, you need to write a farewell letter in which you should thank her for all the good that she brought to life, for the happy time spent together. Apologize for your mistakes or forgive the girl from the bottom of your heart if the breakup happened on her initiative. You don't need to send a letter. It is necessary to burn it, and scatter the ashes along with it. This simple psychological technique will allow you to recharge your batteries with optimism and prepare for a new better life.

    Change your mind and lifestyle

    To begin with, it is worth considering that any attachment arises not to a specific person, but to those emotions and feelings that he gives us. But you can get them from other sources as well. This will help simple advice from psychologists:

    1. 1. First you need to love yourself, understand your feelings, understand what you need from life. Set key goals and work towards them. This will give you extra strength.
    2. 2. No need to dwell on the problem and deprive yourself of fun moments and pleasures. There are many options - go on a trip, go diving, conquer mountain peaks or jump with a parachute. Life should bring joy.
    3. 3. Being free is not so bad, now there is more time for your favorite hobbies and hobbies, for relatives and friends, for friends.
    4. 4. Going in for sports will improve not only physical, but also moral condition, increase self-esteem.
    5. 5. Becoming a workaholic and spending more time at work is a good way to take your mind off negative thoughts.
    6. 6. You should pay attention to other girls, flirt, start light affairs. You should not consider the former lover the one and only, no matter how many positive qualities she has, the next one will always come, which can surpass her.

    A clear implementation of these simple recommendations will allow you to move on. And if you can’t set yourself up in a positive way, you should contact a specialist. The psychologist will help to understand the current situation, voice a view from the outside, support in difficult experiences and guide you on the right path.

It is difficult to quickly and painlessly forget your ex-wife or girlfriend. Often men during this period "break down": they begin to drink, take drugs, randomly change partners, quit their jobs. These are the consequences of a depressive state of a person who has lost a loved one. A man is engaged in self-digging, looking for flaws in himself, accumulating resentment against his ex, feeling sorry for himself. But there are ways to get out of this state with minimal losses.

Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read history carefully Marina Kozlova Read →

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    After parting with a loved one, there comes a painful time of adaptation. Depression, which inevitably occurs in a person, destroys the psyche. The sooner this process passes, the less losses the person will start a new life.

    Psychologists highlight the main points that help to cope with this. They are divided into two groups of advice: what to do and what to avoid.

    How to surprise your wife

    What Not to Do

    Each person is unique, but in similar situations, people make the same erroneous actions. Psychologists have compiled a list of what not to do after parting with a loved one:

    • There is no need to console yourself with the hope that your beloved will understand her mistakes, realize, correct herself. If she returns, past relationships cannot be returned. Feeling her power over a man, a woman will manipulate his feelings. Relationships will become more difficult. The man in her eyes will lose respect.
    • Trying to figure things out, making excuses, proving her mistakes - only exacerbate suffering.
    • To spy on the former, to collect details of her life through acquaintances - to stretch the adaptation process, for a long time pushing back getting rid of depression.
    • To build intrigues, trying to quarrel with your beloved with a new chosen one, to spread gossip about the former, to try to ruin your reputation - this is not manly. Let this bring satisfaction for a short time, but let the man drop in the eyes of acquaintances.
    • It is absolutely excluded to seek solace in alcohol, smoking, drugs.

    How to get rid of a husband

    What should be done

    As for what to do, there are a few tips from psychologists:

    • Need first.
    • Now you need to mentally work out the situation, try to understand the cause of the discord, understand that there will be no return to the past, draw a plan for a future life.
    • The third stage is practical, difficult. This is a change in oneself, the environment, the situation. Using trainings, you need to cross out the former from your life, find other interests, change plans for the future.
    • The last step is meeting a new love. He is the final one. Although sometimes men manage to make it, bypassing the previous two - this simplifies the situation.

    Getting rid of guilt

    The first way to help get out of this situation is to find out the reasons for the breakup. After all, pangs of conscience, a sense of guilt is a pain that most men have to experience after a divorce. Only inveterate egoists easily endure parting, placing responsibility on a woman.

    A man, in order to raise the bar of self-esteem, needs to figure out whether he is really to blame for what happened. After all, if there is no pangs of conscience, it is easier to forget the past. Public opinion, which often blames men, plays an important role.

    Psychologists insist: both are guilty of breakups.

    The roots of the opinion that men are to blame for divorces

    Public opinion in Russia during divorces more often supports a woman, blaming a man. There are many reasons for this:

    • In Russia, women are more likely to initiate a breakup.
    • Children almost always stay with their mother. If the father demands to leave the child to him, he is accused of wanting to make his ex-wife suffer more.
    • Complaining about a woman is not masculine. But crying about a difficult female fate is normal.
    • The disadvantages of husbands are sometimes alcoholism, drug addiction, betrayal, rudeness in relationships (even beatings). These are good reasons that serve as indisputable evidence of male guilt. But regardless of whether these reasons take place in a particular case or not, when discussing the breakup of a relationship, the majority comes to the defense of a woman, without trying to understand the situation.
    • In the Soviet past, there were so few women who could be accused of drunkenness, debauchery, drug addiction that she was devoid of suspicion of involvement in them. The habit of considering a woman cleaner than a man has survived to this day.

    Modern Reasons for Divorce

    Over the past 20-30 years, a lot has changed in society. In modern society, not all women are active opponents of alcohol. Change both sides equally. Only the assault of a woman against a partner is unlikely due to physical gender differences. Therefore, the reasons for divorce can be:

    • female rather than male addiction to alcohol;
    • female, not male treason.

    On the other hand, a new weighty reason for divorces and scandals between partners has appeared: absolute financial requirements for a spouse. Most modern ladies are sure: the husband’s salary is total, the wife’s money (if she works) is her personal. The purpose of such "zahrebetnitsy" is to lay family and personal material problems on the partner.

    Interestingly, most men agree with this. The part does the job, allowing the woman to spend as much as her heart desires. The rest receive constant showdowns, insults, humiliation from a cohabitant or wife and her mother. The reason for the divorce due to financial disagreements is unjustifiably blamed on the man. Many women have forgotten that the words "spouses" originally meant "going in the same harness", "pulling a common cart equally".

    Quarrels from scratch, disregard for the desires of a partner, inattention are indispensable parts of conflicts that lead to the separation of two. And here the use of alcohol is not a cause, but a consequence. Reproaches for low earnings are just an excuse to quarrel.

    The reason is that she does not love this man. But there is no apparent reason to break up just like that. According to the "rules of public opinion" a woman should be an unfortunate victim. Not everyone can admit that she herself is to blame for the conflict, that. For this, those around her will condemn her. For many, someone else's opinion is the main assessment of a person's behavior.

    Fairy tale therapy as a way to work out the situation

    Removing guilt is not the final solution to the problem. A man, even being confident in his sinlessness, does not receive complete relief. It's unclear how to proceed.

    To speed up the process of understanding the situation, drawing a plan for future actions, the use of fairy tale therapy helps. The method "Your own storyteller" allows you to play performances where the prototypes of the characters are the man himself, his ex, friends, parents.

    Sandbox for fairy tale therapy

    It is supposed to work in a portable sandbox, but you can get by with a regular table. The man chooses the characters. They can be figurines, toys, if any. You can compose a fairy tale from the very beginning or choose an initially known one.

    For example, a man chooses a fairy tale about Little Red Riding Hood. In it, he acts as the prototype of the Wolf. Here he is walking in the forest, bored. Towards him comes across Little Red Riding Hood - a beautiful girl. This is, of course, his ex. They meet, fall in love, decide to live together. Further, the man plays out the scenario on the basis of his own life situations: for example, showing how Riding Hood forbade the Wolf to meet friends, even the Wolf could visit his mother only with the permission of his authoritarian wife.

    The story comes to a breaking point. Riding Hood drives the Wolf out or goes to the Bear herself, the Wolf runs as fast as he can into the forest or remains whining near the gate - the man honestly plays his version for himself. Now he faces a more difficult task: he needs to develop a plan for further actions.

    Let's say the Wolf decides to go hunting. But he is ashamed to go into his forest - the flock that he betrayed, having left with Riding Hood, will laugh. Therefore, he goes to a nearby forest, where he decides to start a new life: finally try himself as a singer or wrestler.

    What happens next - the storyteller composes to his taste. It is important that the decision to act is made by him. And a good ending (and in fairy tales it is always kind) will definitely develop. Seeing how easy it really is to get out of the situation, if you start acting, a man receives a portion of energy, a push.

    This is how the principle of fairy tale therapy works. To see what happened from the outside, to outline a plan for further actions - to work out the situation psychologically. Of course, it is best to play the performance for someone, then the viewer's interest will be warmed up by the storyteller's desire to come up with a creative plot, to find his own solution to the problem. But this method also works alone.

    Recovery training after a breakup

    It hurts to accept parting with the woman you love. But starting a new life is real: for this there are special trainings developed by specialists.

    By doing them regularly, you can reduce the adaptation time and get rid of depression pretty quickly.

    "Let off steam"

    Not everyone has the ability to give free rein to feelings. Men often need to learn to let off steam. There are many ways to do this:

    • playing sports with a significant load;
    • knocking with a hammer on the boards with all his might;
    • inflating balloons until they burst;
    • shout at the top of your lungs;
    • imitation of sobs with sobs.

    Most ways to "let off steam" are associated with loud sounds - the human psyche is arranged in such a way that the release of strong emotions is accompanied by a noise effect. Fatigue after significant physical exertion also relieves mental stress.

    "I am not the only one to blame"

    Taking all the blame and not scolding the former is commendable, but self-humiliation destroys the nervous system. Telling everyone about the shortcomings of a former lover is ugly. But it is necessary to analyze the relationship mentally, finding the reasons not only in your behavior.

    It is recommended to analyze the personality of the former in writing. On paper, you need to write down all the unpleasant situations, using short phrases, phrases, shortcomings of the ex-wife or girlfriend. For example: "Dirty hands (does not wash after using the toilet)"; "Rude in front of strangers"; "Not interested in my blog." The handicap sheet needs to be reread every time the thought of her comes to mind.

    Over time, the habit of blaming not only yourself, seeing shortcomings in your ex-partner, not idealizing relationships will do its job: a man will become less drawn to the past, stop dreaming about his return. Gradually, he will learn not to think of his ex-wife at all as a wonderful person whom he lost through his stupidity.

    "Forgive me as I forgive you"

    Remembering that both are guilty of a broken relationship, you should accept your guilt, asking for forgiveness for your mistakes. You can do this out loud in person. But a real request for forgiveness can be perceived by the former incorrectly: as a step towards reconciliation or an attempt to look better than her.

    You need to ask for forgiveness not for the sake of someone, but to remove negativity from yourself.

    Therefore, training is practiced alone. Every day for a week (the period can be extended if necessary) in the evening, a man should relax while sitting, close his eyes and mentally say: “Forgive me for everything and let me go! And I forgive and release you. In parallel, you need to imagine how this communication takes place: calmly, kindly, without quarrels and reproaches.

    "A nickel for a miss"

    In order to remember the former less often, you need to prepare not only mentally: remove all her things, trinkets reminiscent of past relationships, gifts, letters and postcards, if any. Sometimes you even need to remove or destroy the photos.

    Now it's time to start training-punishment for memories. This will require a piggy bank and change coins. Mentally, a man must set himself the condition of the game: with every memory of the former, he is punished in the form of deprivation of one coin. This is how you learn to control your thoughts.

    "Find the Good in a Breakup"

    Here it is important to convince yourself: even in the bad there is good. The training is as follows: on a sheet with the shortcomings of the former next, they write the pluses that accompany the separation. For example, there was an entry: "It takes a long time to gather." The man is nervous, losing precious time. Therefore, now he will write down: “A lot of time has been freed up, I can play on the computer, read, go to a friend.” Next to the words “spends a lot on cosmetics,” he writes: “I can go camping with the money saved, buy a kayak, pay for a new video editor.”

    It is not necessary to use a defect sheet. You can also make a list of pleasant things from parting on a separate sheet. Unfulfilled dreams will be remembered, which were not available when living together. By writing them down, a man will understand how much good is around, how many interesting things have now become available.

    Live with wife for children

    The ideal variant of the relationship of a married couple is the joint upbringing of children in love and harmony. But unhappy parents cannot make them happy. If circumstances are such that divorced spouses have a child, it is impossible to completely forget about the existence of an ex-wife.

    In this case, psychologists advise to reduce communication with the ex-wife to a minimum. You need to try to spend more time with the child, and not with his mother: go to the movies, rides, go fishing together or in the company of your friends.

    If you cannot achieve a complete idyll - the mother does not allow you to be alone with your son or daughter - it is recommended to come to meetings with mutual friends. To offend their ex will be ashamed, they will behave with restraint in front of them. Often the ex-wife, realizing the inappropriateness of her presence, leaves, leaving attempts to observe the meetings of the father with the children.

    A way to forget an old love, suitable for everyone without exception, is expressed in the saying: "The wedge is knocked out with a wedge." The phrase means: to find a replacement for the former - to get rid of loneliness, soul-searching, depression. Usually new relationships are built differently than old ones, taking into account their own mistakes.

    Having accepted the idea that it is possible to be happy with another woman, a man is already taking the first step towards having a wife.

    Memories will roll over for a while. But the trainings described above will help to nullify the negative from them.

    A complete change of environment, environment is an excellent option to combat depression. For this it is recommended:

    • move to another district, city, so as not to meet common acquaintances;
    • close your pages on social networks and start others, with changed data, which only the most faithful friends will know about;
    • purchase a new SIM card by blocking the old number;
    • change jobs;
    • take your free time with your favorite hobby, which you only dreamed of before.

    It is important how serious the man's intention is to erase bitter memories from life. If he set himself the goal of starting life from scratch, then he will achieve this. And the stronger the personality, the faster it will happen.

    And some secrets...

    I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick jerk...