What are the rules in the family. Personal example. In an example, there is always a sense of concreteness, the unity of word and deed. do not criticize him in front of your children. And in general, do not sort things out with him in front of children, this can be done without witnesses

18.05.2019

The woman is always considered to be the keeper of the hearth. In past centuries, it was she who took care of the house and children, was responsible for maintaining relations with her husband. She cooked food and cleaned the house, in wealthy families she was responsible for everyone who worked in the house. The woman did everything, but she had no job.

In the twenty-first century, the situation is completely different. A woman can no longer afford to stay at home, she must work. We became strong and independent, learned to dictate our rules to men. Our role in the family has changed a lot, we have learned to make money ourselves, provide for our family, drive cars, and solve many issues. Whether this is good or bad is a difficult question, but the fact remains that there are more and more divorces now, as well as more families living on the "edge", those who are united only by children or a mortgage.

In order for the family to be strong and happy, you need to work hard. To do this, it is not at all necessary to quit your job and become an inveterate housewife, but you need to gain wisdom and patience. Psychologists advise you to follow the 11 rules of a happy family to maintain love and friendships.

11 Rules for a Happy Family Life:

You are a team. In a good team, it is customary to celebrate the successes of everyone, and all failures are divided equally. The husband got a promotion - praise him, tell everyone about how great he is and what he has achieved. The son learned to read - he was also great, he tried a lot, remembered the letters and he succeeded. Even if you put a lot of effort into raising your husband and your child's success, let them be proud of themselves, this will help them believe in their own importance and strength. And if it so happens that one of them has suffered a failure, do not blame and scold this person. He's already upset. Better to say: "let's think together what we can do." More often use words such as: we, our, instead of mine. Our home, our children, we will go, at our home - this unites the family, makes it possible to feel as a whole.
Each family should have a leader, as well as a captain in a team.... The coat of arms of our country depicts a two-headed eagle looking in different directions. If you want to have a truly happy family, try so that this coat of arms does not become a symbol of your family. There should be a leader in the family and there can be only one person, if there are two captains, then each of them will “pull the blanket over himself” and the solution of minor everyday problems will end in a scandal every time. Talk to your husband about who will take on the leadership role in your family. Discuss his functions earlier: the leader must carefully listen to all the arguments of the other person, take into account his interests, and only then make decisions. The leader is responsible for the decisions made.
All problems need to be discussed... Don't expect your spouse to figure out the problem. Perhaps everything is fine with him and he does not even suspect that you are tired, upset and the boss yelled at you. And the fact that the carpet is dirty and needs to be vacuumed, the husband also probably does not know. Therefore, learn to talk about your problems and difficulties. Talk about what a nightmarish day it was, rather than asking why you are upset. Ask your husband to vacuum the carpet, he himself is unlikely to guess. Discuss everything that you do not like, but do it without shouting or reproaching, so it will be much easier for you to solve problems than to keep silent about them and wait for them to reach extremes and explosions.
No one owes anything to anyone... Your children do not have to be hardworking and friendly, the husband does not have to be romantic and economic. You don't have to love cooking and going to your mother-in-law. Also, no one is obliged to notice the clean floors in the house and the sink in the bathroom. If you scrub the floors from morning to night, no one else needs it besides you. Have washed the floor, praise yourself and do not be offended by your husband who did not notice this.
In a family, everyone has rights and responsibilities.... And it will be very good if everyone fulfills their duties out of love and care for each other, and not because they should. For example, discuss with your husband and children that everyone will do the dishes themselves after dinner. Not because you have to, but because washing the dishes takes a lot of time and you want to spend it with your family, or because the detergent dries your skin. The main thing is that everyone understands why he is doing this.
Maintain each other's authority... Never discuss your husband's shortcomings in front of your child or other people. In no case tell your child that he is not so awkward, not obedient to dad. Remember, you are married to the best man and his authority must be maintained. Otherwise, children will also think that they don’t need to listen to dad and those around them will not perceive him as your other half. Try to support each other, make decisions together, and if you disagree with something, discuss it with each other in private.
The family consists of a wife, husband and children... All the rest - mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters - are no longer your family. They are part of the "big family" of your kind, but not part of your family. Don't try to please them in everything and don't let them look too deeply into your life. If the parents do not like something in the spouse, and you are quite happy with it, it may be worth telling them about it, and also ask them not to express complaints about the spouse. Do not allow rearranging things, looking in cabinets, reading mail, if you have not asked for it. It often happens that after the birth of a child, a caring newly-made grandmother practically settles in the house. She always knows how to do everything right, how much to feed the baby, when to ventilate, where the crib should be, etc. Try to set boundaries. Let the grandmother come on certain days of the week, but not command the house. Ask her to help you do specific things: wash the floor, iron the diapers, take a walk with the baby, so she will be busy and there will be fewer commands and advice.
Patience and respect for parents... Never discuss the flaws of his parents with your husband. These are his parents and he loves and respects them. And his mother probably cooks the best cabbage soup. Be patient with your parents, and don't talk about their shortcomings. But if they have become too intrusive and interfere with your family life, it is worth talking to your spouse and demarcating the territory (see point 7).
Don't try to change each other... Often a woman, getting married, is ready to put up with many of her husband's shortcomings, while thinking that after the wedding everything will change. Spending all weekend with friends? Likes to lie in front of the TV with a bottle of beer? It's okay, on the weekend we will walk together, and instead of playing around, my husband will help me with the housework. The husband makes the same mistake. A woman does not like to cook, nothing, so we get married and fall in love. In fact, it is quite difficult to change an adult, and in most cases it is not possible. If you were willing to put up with each other's shortcomings before marriage, why have they become so painful now? Maybe you should wait and show patience and imagination, so that your husband himself wants to help you, out of love for you, and not from the fact that you force him.
Find a compromise... When arguing, seek compromise and try to think win-win. Try to come up with an option that will suit both of you. You are doing renovations and your husband liked the striped wallpaper, but did you like the flowered wallpaper? It might be worth looking for another option that suits both of you. Or paste over one wall with both flowers, and make the others striped (provided that they fit together).
Take time to socialize... In the modern world, more and more people, finding themselves at home, sit in front of the TV and are silent. Try to find time to socialize. For example, during dinner, make it a rule to turn off the television and talk to each other. It's great if you date a couple of times a month. Go to the cinema or theater together, take a walk in the park, or have a romantic evening at home. If you have no one to leave your kids with, you might want to start putting them to bed early (think about what you can do). And devote the freed evening hour to each other.

These are the rules, follow them and you can make your family happy.

They relate to a wide variety of aspects of family life - from the distribution of roles, functions and places in the hierarchy to the daily routine and allowing family members to openly express their thoughts and feelings. The rules show what is allowed in the family and what is not, what is considered good and bad, that is, they represent an element of family ideology.

They are divided into vowels and unspoken ones. For example, such as: "Children should not interrupt adults", "Parents set the time when the child needs to go to bed", "Grandma is busy, she is watching TV" - clearly proclaimed. Another part of the rules is known to family members, but is not expressed openly: "The topic of mother's alcoholism is forbidden," "If you want to make peace with your father, admit your guilt and patiently ask for forgiveness," "All the best is for the child, he is sick," etc. Finally, a considerable some of the rules are not recognized by family members. They act in a certain way, without even thinking that in reality they could have acted differently.

Rules arise at different stages of the life cycle, often contradict each other, and therefore relatives must constantly agree on them. For example, before the birth of the child, both young spouses worked, evenly distributed household duties and certainly devoted time to active rest. After giving birth, the wife went on parental leave, and the husband had to work much more in order to support the whole family alone. If the former rules of “equal participation in household chores” and “active rest” are temporarily not changed, this will inevitably lead to disruption of the functions of the family at a new stage in its life cycle.

It also happens that by their non-constructive behavior, relatives provoke the establishment of rules that do not satisfy them. For example, while the wife was on parental leave for three years, the husband earned money for everyone and gave it to the family. This was a vowel, an established and well-known rule. Then the child was sent to kindergarten. The wife went to work and was now able to provide for herself and the child. Gradually, the husband began to give the family less and less money. The wife provoked this unspoken rule - she proudly decided to herself that “she won’t ask for more money, she won’t borrow from her husband, that’s enough”.

The law of stability requires the conservation family rules permanently. Changing them is a painful moment for all relatives. If someone from family members or other people (guest, teacher) breaks the rule, they can become an unwanted person and even an enemy of the family. For example, the wife no longer wants to obey the rule set by the husband, refuses to stay at home and goes to work. This leads to a protracted marital conflict. Or the teacher allows himself to make a remark to a child who is admired, praised and considered unique in the family. As a result, the mother and father unite in the fight against the teacher and the school.

In modern Russian family culture, the rules for the distribution of roles in the family are extremely contradictory. On the one hand, there is a custom that the husband should be the head of the family and earn money. On the other hand, in Russian fairy tales, the image of a man is a man who succeeds only by obeying someone (a gray wolf, a humpbacked horse, a pike, a frog princess). The female folklore image is her own strength and power (Vasilisa the Beautiful). It is no coincidence that the struggle for power and status in modern Russian families is one of the most powerful dysfunctions associated with the fact that there is no clear rule about gender inequality in culture.

Disrupt family functioning negative family rules(hard-coded and hard to change). In those families where they can be changed and revised depending on the situation, family dysfunction occurs less often. Absence family rules and norms also pose a serious risk to mental health. Many children and adolescents with aggressive antisocial behavior come from such families. The vagueness of rules and norms, their inconsistency, lack of clarity contribute to the growth of anxiety, confusion and leads to instability of the individual and family.

The ideal family does not have perfect rules because such families simply do not exist. Although, of course, everyone has their own understanding of the ideal and we all strive for it. Today we will talk about the rules by which every self-respecting family should live.

If the schools taught disciplines that highlight the moments of family life, values and traditions, then the success of marriages would certainly increase. Young people entering into a sacred union often have no idea what kind of work it is.

We follow the rules

Married life must necessarily begin with truth and sincerity towards each other. Future spouses should be aware of their actions, be confident in the choice of the chosen one.

The family is a small society, which, in order to live in harmony, must establish its own small laws and respect them. The moral rules of the family include:

recognition of each other as the highest value is necessary;
disinterested care and love for a spouse;
compassion and participation in the life of all family members, willingness to help and support;
a conscious desire to contribute to the common good of the family;
rejection of selfishness and focus on the interests of others.

The rules of communication and relationships in the family should be based on the recognition of the role of each family member. We all play social roles in one way or another. With parents, each of us plays the role of a child, at work we are colleagues, colleagues, at the institute - students. In the family, as in any society, certain "parties" are also assigned to us. The woman acts as a wife and mother. This means that caring for her husband and children is paramount to her. Respect for a spouse, recognition that he is the head of the family, love and the desire to be one with him - this attitude should be seen by children. They are very observant, "fix" every word and copy their parents in everything. Therefore, they should be shown a worthy example.

The spouse, in turn, is obliged to get used to the role of a caring husband and father, a protector of people dear and close to him. A reverent attitude towards a woman, respect and admiration for her. In no case should you to use physical force, not to mention the fact that such a "manner of communication" would be used in front of children. This is base, vile and immoral.

Trust and respect between children and parents is very important. If a mother can become a faithful friend and counselor for her daughter, then many problems in upbringing can be avoided. And do not forget to instill in children the elementary rules of etiquette, which originate in the family. Respect for elders, culture of communication and behavior, rules of table etiquette - for all this, the child will surely tell you later: "Thank you!"

There are no families alike, all families are very individual. Every good and bad family is good and bad in its own way.

It is impossible and ethically ugly to "spy" on families through the "keyhole", that is, to show curiosity, asking people how their family relationships are developing. But the result of this relationship is clearly manifested, and it can be seen by what from these families: law-abiding or moral violators.

During the 20 post-Soviet years, a lot has been left to chance. In particular, the established family values and the upbringing of children in the spirit of family moral morality have sunk into oblivion. But with the revival of spirituality, more and more questions began to arise about the lost morality, about the need to revive each person's understanding of cultural, spiritual, moral and family values, about strengthening the family.

The family is the initial link from which any society is built and formed. It is from the family that the origins of a person's roots grow into the ancestral soil and the emergence of love for the place where people were born and raised, otherwise they become a "tumbleweed" without love for their family, without faith and spirituality.

If you don’t start to instruct young parents, don’t teach them the basics of family-educational ethics, don’t consolidate in their minds all the good that has been developed in the families of their parents and other exemplary families, how the children of the righteous Askhab were brought up, then this good will dissolve and not will leave a mark in the souls of children. This means that there will be nothing good in the future, when children and adolescents grow up, reach adulthood and want to create their own families.

Children, like a sponge, absorb everything good and bad. But more often than not, all the good is washed away, and the bad settles in the mind and begins to dominate the thoughts and fate of the child. In order to protect children and their future from the bad, I offer parents the following five rules to help in the upbringing of both children and mothers and fathers themselves.

These rules are easy to understand and follow, it is desirable to accept them and take the first step in their application.

RULE ONE:

Parents should realize their dominant role in the family, and children should understand that the owner of the house is the father, and the mistress is the mother. The father fulfills all male, paternal responsibilities, the mother - female, maternal. But this does not mean that the mother alone should bear all the physical activity in the performance of her duties, her growing children should definitely help her in this. The father needs to pay more attention to his sons, to direct their attention to ensure that they grow up strong and healthy children, go in for sports, know how to protect the younger ones, help the mother in everyday life. The mother should instill in their minds the knowledge of family traditions and rituals. It is the mother who needs love for each other, a feeling of mutual help and support, knowledge of the native language and respect for older relatives on the part of both the father and the mother. Children must know where the roots of their family tree come from, must feel an inextricable connection with this place, with this land, with their home. It is this sense of unity that will always give them a powerful boost in the future. It is precisely this that will not let you break away and go to unknown distances far from relatives, friends and from the place where they were born and lived for many years of their lives.

RULE TWO:

In a family, there should be no competition between siblings: neither in getting grades at school, nor in doing household chores, nor in the manifestation of special talents and abilities. They need to know what everyone can do better and in what they can prove themselves without compromising the dignity of another brother or sister. They must learn to help each other and be proud not of themselves and their successes, but of what is wonderful in his brother and sister. This is what helps children to gain a sense of mutual understanding and support for each other.

Parents should show to all their children, but if one of them is sick or still cannot walk and perform their duties on their own, these children should be in the center of attention of the whole family, and everyone should learn to show special support and care for such a family member. ... This is how the family will not be jealous because some of the children are given more attention: they will know and understand why this is happening. Children should be sure that each of them is desired, loved and needed by both the father and the mother.

RULE THREE:

Separate punishments and rewards are undesirable in the family.

A child cannot be kicked out of the house for a fault. You cannot deny him food and drink. One cannot remain harsh and indifferent at the sight of the child's wounds and bruises, because all this causes serious trauma to the child's soul and alienates him from his parents. No matter how guilty the child is, parents need to realize that this is not only his misfortune, but also the fault of the parents themselves, who missed something in his upbringing. It was this parental omission that led the child to commit misconduct. ... Each such case should be discussed with the family and a joint decision should be made on how to help a child who has stumbled in the future. This will help you not to come back to this topic again. To understand and forgive, forget about a bad offense and remember all the good - this is how the positive is brought up in children.

Separate rewards in the form of a sum of money for good grades, doing help around the house, for sporting achievements, success in creativity and other areas should also not be welcomed and should not become obligatory in the family circle. This can rekindle the spirit of superiority and competition in children. Children should understand that not everyone can learn, create, compose, be the first in sports and anywhere else in the same way. There is always one first place, and there are a huge number of those who want to take it, and this is what parents should explain to their children. ... And if their children can honestly and with dignity reach the podium, then this should be the result of hard work and a desire to prove themselves among worthy rivals. Their talents and abilities must develop in the right direction. And this should not be encouraged by additional monetary reward from the father or mother, but the child's success at the festive family table should and should be celebrated.

RULE FOUR:

In such cases, children are happy to talk about their grades, sports achievements and, if they have problems, try with the help of their parents to understand why they have arisen and how to cope with them.

In such families, both problems and joys are common. A friendly family rejoices together, and this makes the joy great. And when they are upset together, then because the grief is shared by all family members, negative experiences diminish and soon disappear completely from the family horizon.

RULE FIVE:

They are very sensitive to the fine line between truth and falsehood.

Parents can talk to their children about the rules of behavior and what they need to follow as much as they want, but all their conversations and calls may turn out to be in vain. Adults should remember that, first of all, they need to be what they call their children to become.

If the parents say one thing, and they themselves do exactly the opposite, then the children will remember not their words, but their actions.

If the father says that drinking and smoking is harmful, and he does all this in front of his children, then the children are unlikely to believe him, seeing that he himself violates the principles of correct behavior.

If a mother loves to gossip and gossip with her neighbors, if she does not pay due attention to order and comfort in the house, can she demand the opposite of her children?

In the souls of children, there will be a residue of distrust towards such parents.

Every family should not have double standards and norms of behavior. Otherwise, children will simply repeat the fate of their parents, and trust in their parents will be lost. Therefore, parents must first of all correct themselves and in this way they will correct the fate of their own children. How can parents wish their children a bad fate, or want their children to repeat their sins?

Changing your behavior and raising your children correctly requires strength of mind and great patience. In the Holy Quran, Allah Almighty calls people to patience and fortitude, which help people stay on the right path, and the Creator's mercy guides them along the path of Truth.

In conclusion, it should be noted that it is good to live according to the above rules, because in this case life becomes right, and this is done for the good of yourself and the happy future of your children.

Wish

I wish everyone to firmly know this:

Even if he hears all the words for the first time.

For everyone, the family is the beginning of all beginnings.

When family becomes the yardstick

Fear of God and faith as one,

One that has absorbed the whole word.

When a family is a unit and a link,

The beginning of faith, kind and all that is native.

Do not do evil, do not break the thread of the family.

Don't intentionally cut all ties with her.

The Creator will not give blessings to those who, in spite of

This is against God's command.

Tighten the related thread tighter.

Love your family, take care of your bonds.

Live in peace and keep your family!

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The moral value of the family

Ethics of family relations

If all family members try to get along with each other and avoid conflicts, peace and harmony will always reign in the house. This is not so easy to achieve, sometimes it takes a lot of effort to extinguish the sparks of an erupting quarrel. Some people think that politeness is necessary only outside the home, and in the family circle you can relax. Relaxing, however, does not mean forgetting all the polite words. It seems to you that "please", "thank you", "sorry" are not needed, you can do without them. Yes, in some cases you may actually not use these conditionals. If we are talking about everyday things "that are in the competence of, for example, the wife, the husband can simply remind:" Pay for the phone. "He is not obliged to constantly" ask "about it. him lunch, just like she doesn't have to say "thank you" when he gives her a coat. Ask for a favor and thank you on other occasions. For example, a husband may say, "Please bring my cigarettes, I don't want to interrupt work." For the service rendered, he must thank his wife. An important role in the relationship of loved ones is played by intonation. She is able to nullify all polite expressions. The phrase: "Pour me a coffee" - can sound friendly and polite, while the words: " I beg you, please pour some coffee "- they may resemble an order. Each family has adopted its own appeals to each other. There is nothing wrong when a husband calls his wife" baby ", and she is his" cat ", however, these affectionate nicknames are not intended for prying ears. in the presence of third parties, it is better to call each other by their first names.

It is often difficult for spouses to contact the spouse's parents. If you do not want or cannot call your mother-in-law or mother-in-law a mother, please contact by name and patronymic. You should not call your mother-in-law "grandmother" and your mother-in-law "Aunt Masha", it is impolite.

Very often the cause of conflicts is the cohabitation of the spouses and their parents in the apartment. Quarrels are especially frequent when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live in the same apartment. It is not necessary to find out which of them is the "mistress", they both have equal rights to this "title", even if the daughter-in-law does not take much part in economic affairs because of her employment at work and in school. At the same time, due to illness, the mother-in-law, who does not have any stresses in household chores, remains the "senior" mistress: she is given a place of honor at the table and is consulted about changes in everyday life. It is extremely impolite to act by families that remove old grandmothers from participating in the life of the family, and do not invite them to the festive table during family celebrations. If the same age as the daughter or son-in-law comes to visit, the mother does not need to take part in their parties. She can go out to them for a few minutes to say hello. Likewise, members of the younger generation are not required to be present when parents and their friends meet. This should be done only when the mother or father specifically ask the children about it. Decency requires that a guest who appears to one of the family members be greeted by all the others, but this does not mean that they should spend the whole evening in his company. To avoid conflicts in the home, the younger generation should always show courtesy to the older generation. If an elderly mother-in-law or mother-in-law lives in your home, you should not:

tell her that she is tired and it is better for her to take a little rest just when she is having great fun at the table in the company of your friends and relatives;

shut up and cut off the conversation when she enters the room;

telling children that their grandmother has age-related oddities;

to talk about someone in her presence: "This is an old man";

in a dispute, use the expression: "At your age.";

consider that the lot of the mother-in-law is only household chores;

give things associated with mourning;

repeat that your apartment is small and cramped. However, the senior hostess must be polite. She is highly recommended

not too persistently interested in the details of the life of children;

not try to find out the details of what she was not told about;

not show dissatisfaction and whims, referring to age;

not require younger family members to spend more time at home;

do not constantly use the argument: "Here in my time.";

less likely to talk about your past;

the mother-in-law should not show her dissatisfaction with the daughter-in-law to the son, and the mother-in-law should not condemn the son-in-law in the presence of her daughter.

Each family member should respect each other's interests and tastes. If the husband loves to watch football or goes fishing on the weekends, the wife should not be outraged by this. If he spends Saturday with a fishing rod on the bank of the river, then he will definitely devote Sunday to family affairs. Likewise, the husband must take into account the interests of his wife. In no case should one speak with condemnation: “Isn't a smart woman / can watch such a stupid movie!” When the wife watches her favorite series on TV.

If you consider yourself well-mannered, do not judge each other's hobbies and friends.

Respect confidentiality of correspondence. Parents should not read letters intended for their children. Spouses should do the same with each other. Anyone who rummages through the pockets of loved ones in search of notes or letters is extremely ugly.

Many people are interested in whether it is necessary to knock before entering the room of one of the family members? Each family has its own rules, but in the morning or in the evening, when a person can dress or undress, it is better to knock.

If you sit down at the table, the phrase: "Bon appetit" is not at all required. But after eating, a well-mannered person should say: "Thank you."

Very often a man, very gallant in relation to other ladies, behaves completely unacceptably with his wife, showing elementary bad manners. But it is not for nothing that it is said that the wife is "the other half." By being impolite towards her, the husband is thus showing disrespect to himself.

Know that a husband's responsibilities include:

serve outerwear to your wife, and not only in a public place, but also in your own hallway, where no one sees you;

not reading the newspaper at lunch;

praise the wife's cooking;

at any dance evening, the first dance must be danced with your wife;

compliment your wife, notice her new dress or new hairstyle;

passing through the door, let your wife pass first. Get off the trolleybus first and give your wife a hand;

from time to time to make small gifts to his wife and buy flowers for no reason;

in the presence of his wife, do not look after other women;

forget forever the argument: "I earn and demand that.";

do not walk around the apartment half-dressed;

when leaving home on weekends or after hours, always inform your wife about the purpose of your departure and about the time of return;

show interest in how his wife spent her time in his absence;

to talk with his wife on various topics, and not just about household chores.

However, you should not show your attention to your wife by rampant criticism of everything that seems wrong to you. Day after day, criticizing her character, the way she dresses, the methods of raising children, her friends, and so on, remember that even the calmest woman eventually runs out of patience. By the way, such behavior of a man is often a consequence of his self-doubt, low self-esteem, so the wife needs to more often emphasize the dignity of her husband, to notice all his achievements. Often the wife takes the place of the family critic.

The wife should also remember to be polite towards her husband. She should pay attention to the following:

when choosing outfits and accessories for them, listen to the opinion of your husband, and not only to the advice of your girlfriends;

try to cook as often as possible what your husband loves;

do not invade the sphere of his "sacred interests": do not rummage in his briefcase or bag, do not take his personal things without permission, do not clean up his drawer;

if your husband once again tells the same story in the company, which is pretty boring to you, or a bearded anecdote, do not try to interrupt his speech with the phrase: “Everyone has already heard this”;

do not criticize him in front of your children. And in general, do not sort things out with him in front of children, this can be done without witnesses;

do not overtly control the husband;

in no case express indignation at his attachment to his mother;

praise him more often, make compliments, listen carefully to his advice;

do not invite guests into the house who are not pleasant to him, and do not persuade him to visit people whose company he dislikes;

do not think about the merits of the first husband if you married a second time.

Of course, there are different situations in life, and conflicts cannot always be avoided. But if they continue too often, the initiator of the quarrels should think about and find the reason for his own nervousness, because of which the quarrels occur.

During the showdown, one should not resort to irony, because this usually insults the other side and provokes a backlash. Make all your arguments in an even tone, calmly and politely. Aggressive, commanding or capricious intonations are perceived negatively. In disputes, try to avoid omissions, and it is absolutely stupid and ugly, quarreling, to threaten your spouse.

In a dispute, one should not refer to the opinion of third parties. It is worth during the most friendly conversation to bring the opinion of the mother of one of the spouses, as a calm and polite dispute turns into a scandal.

You should not resort to generalizations. If you are unhappy with some mistake made by your spouse at a party, do not start an accusatory speech with the words: "You always." It is only necessary to talk about a specific fact that took place in this case.

Mutual claims can kill the most tender feelings, even if the reproaches are well-deserved. The one to whom they are presented will subconsciously seek to isolate himself from the accuser, therefore, too often expressed claims can lead to a break.

Try to make comments to loved ones in a friendly and unobtrusive way, do not repeat them over and over again. If a person does not respond to your comments, this does not mean that he did not hear them. He probably cannot or does not want to do otherwise. Forgive those you love, their weaknesses, because you are unlikely to have no shortcomings at all. However, this is not at all a call for forgiveness. If a person is demanding of himself, he can expect the same from his loved ones. The most important thing is to find the right time and the right form for making your demands.

It is impossible to avoid quarrels in the family, but they should not be frequent, and after reconciliation, the conflict, as well as the reason for its occurrence, must be immediately forgotten.

In general, it is better to extinguish quarrels in the bud, and not fan them to the size of a universal conflagration. You can, of course, ask a loved one why he did this and not otherwise, but if his answer did not satisfy you, do not seek to "push him against the wall." Family etiquette recommends: all statements by one partner must be taken on faith - by the other. Do not try to catch your loved one in a lie.

Even in a quarrel, do not use harsh language. An angry, albeit sincere phrase: "You're out of your mind!" - it is better to replace it with a polite one: "You are mistaken, dear." Harsh and harsh words, even if they are spoken without malicious intent, can hurt a person and leave an unpleasant aftertaste in his soul for a long time.

The foundations of good parenting are laid in childhood, but if parents demand from their children what they never do themselves, they are unlikely to get what they want. No matter how the father or mother inspires the son or daughter that it is ugly to say obscene words, the child will never accept this if the parents themselves often use foul language in quarrels. It is common for a child to imitate those who are an authority for him, and these are, first of all, parents. If you want your child to be polite - become an example for him.

If you want your child to learn good manners, try to teach them as early as possible. Once your toddler has started eating on his own, give him baby cutlery. The sooner you start teaching your child the rules of etiquette, the faster he will learn to behave correctly and at ease, not only at the table, but also in other situations. However, it is worth remembering that even if friends admire your baby, it is too early for him to sit at a common table with adult guests. During the celebration, children should be seated at a separate table.

When there are several children in a family, a polite and friendly relationship should exist between the siblings. This is possible if parents love their children equally and do not give any of them a reason to feel that they are treated worse than the other.

Of course, no family can do without quarrels, this is a familiar and common thing. But those parents are wrong who believe that children should figure it out for themselves: in no case should it be allowed to come to a fight or swear words. Children need to be taught to control themselves, this will help them in the future to maintain composure even in the most difficult situations.

Children grow up, and the age comes, which is usually called "difficult". Indeed, sometimes it is very difficult to find a common language with a teenager who was affectionate and obedient just a year or two ago, and now suddenly became harsh and withdrawn. It seems that the wall of misunderstanding between the parents and their child is insurmountable. However, this is not at all the case: if the mother and father are friendly to the child, respect him, share their views with him on many issues, give sensible and smart advice and themselves do not hesitate to ask his opinion, peace and mutual understanding will reign in the family.

The influence of the family on the formation of the spiritual and moral image of the police officer

Moral and aesthetic education plays an essential role in the professional training of police officers.

Moral education is a process of active and purposeful influence on employees in order to form their positive moral qualities. To understand the features of the system of moral education, it is necessary to reveal its basic principles: purposefulness, a combination of high requirements with respect for the individual, education in a team and through a team, an individual approach, continuity, activity and initiative of the educated.

Purposefulness is such an educational activity when the educator clearly understands who and how he is going to educate, what qualities should be formed in a subordinate, what beliefs should be developed from him, what feelings should be developed. In order to set specific goals for yourself, you need to study your subordinates, their character traits, temperaments, their views and beliefs. Only in this case can positive results be achieved.

A combination of high demands with respect for the individual. In an effort to form certain qualities in their subordinates, in no case should they offend them, humiliate their self-esteem. Otherwise, the results of upbringing will be sharply negative. This principle also warns against two misconceptions about parenting, which, unfortunately, still take place:

1) authoritarian education - focused on harsh coercion and suppression; b) liberal education - inclined towards forgiveness.

Education is possible in a team and through a team. Sometimes the impact of the team on the employee is more effective than disciplinary measures.

It should be borne in mind that the collective realizes educational opportunities only if a favorable moral atmosphere has developed in it. If, however, mutual hostility reigns in the team, the covering up of bad deeds in the form of "mutual responsibility", then the moral and educational impact of such a team turns out to be extremely negative.

The principle of an individual approach to their subordinates involves taking into account the characteristics of each personality: its character, temperament, level of knowledge, abilities, strengths and weaknesses. The educational impact does not have to be the same for everyone. Some people respond better to a strict and demanding attitude towards them, others, on the contrary, respond to praise and support, and from harsh reproaches they withdraw into themselves and lose interest in the case.

The tasks of moral education are: the formation of positive moral qualities among the employees of the internal affairs bodies; the fight against the antipodes of morality that take place among employees of the internal affairs bodies (money-grubbing, bureaucracy, violation of discipline, sycophancy, servility, bribery, drunkenness).

The main methods of moral education are: persuasion, example, moral authority of the leader, coercion, disciplinary measures.

Persuasion is an impact on a person, during which there is an assimilation of norms, values, moral principles.

Personal example. In an example, there is always a sense of concreteness, the unity of word and deed.

The moral authority of the leader. This method is effective provided that the leader himself has a high moral culture.

Coercion - this method can be used if the subordinate does not respond to the above means.

Aesthetic education is a purposeful system for the formation of a person who not only perceives beauty, but also strives to live and create according to the laws of beauty.

The main tasks of aesthetic education are: the formation of aesthetic tastes, ideals, the development of the ability to correctly understand aesthetic values; the formation of the need for employees to affirm the beauty in their activities - in work, in the way of life, in everyday life.

Aesthetic education plays an important role in improving the culture of performance, contributes to the efficiency of work and the growth of the prestige of the internal affairs bodies. Now our country more than ever needs not only a highly professional, but also an intelligent militia, which the population respects and provides all kinds of support.

ethics family moral aesthetic

The main principles of aesthetic education are: the principle of the universality of aesthetic education and art education, the principle of the unity of aesthetic and moral education, the principle of the complex impact of various types of art, the principle of creative initiative of police officers The principle of the universality of aesthetic education and art education. In order to understand the beautiful, you need appropriate preparation, i.e. art education.

The principle of the unity of aesthetic and moral education. An employee who is aesthetically developed is usually also a highly moral person. And he will not allow himself to get drunk, swear, be rude. The principle of the complex impact of various types of art. An aesthetically developed person must have at least a minimum of knowledge and various types of art. The principle of creative amateur performance of police officers. It is necessary to study the abilities of your subordinates, their hobbies and encourage them in every possible way. The methods of aesthetic education are similar to the methods of moral education. The main ones include: persuasion, personal example, encouragement, coercion, disciplinary measures. The role of the family in upbringing is well known and recognized. The family is the first sculptor who begins to sculpt both a physically and spiritually born personality. Note that in our time, family traditions are of particular importance. They are rooted in distant antiquity and in one way or another have always been associated with the way of family life of the people, with their way of life. They regulate the behavior and actions of family members, leave a kind of imprint on the formation of thoughts and feelings. It is no coincidence that whole military dynasties are often formed in our country. ATS employees are no exception. Honor, devotion to the Motherland and law-abidingness are practically inherited from them. We can say that serving the Motherland has become a good tradition in some families. Family traditions mean the customs, order and norms of behavior of family members, and it is they that are passed on from the older generation to the younger. A person is not born with a ready-made moral behavior. In the process of his formation as a person, a person, perceiving the life of other people and his own with consciousness, begins to realize himself as a person. Understanding in a childlike way the essence of human relations, he similarly builds his relationship to family members, to other people, to society as a whole. So a person fixes in his mind the norms and rules of behavior that exist in the family.

List of sources used

1. Budanov A.V. Pedagogy of personal professional safety of police officers. - M., 1992.

2. Zeer E.F. Psychology of professions. - Yekaterinburg, 1997.

3. Psychology and pedagogy in law enforcement of internal affairs bodies. Textbook / Ed. Cand. jurid. Nauk I.D. Marinovskaya. - M .: MUI of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia; publishing house "Shield-M", 1997.

4. Psychology. Pedagogy. Ethics. Textbook for universities / O.V. Afanasyeva, V.Yu. Kuznetsov, I.P. Levchenko and others; Edited by prof. Yu.V. Naumkin. - M .: Law and Law, UNITI, 1999.

5. Stolyarenko A.M. Applied legal psychology. - M., 2001.

6. Stolyarenko A.M. Psychology and Pedagogy: Textbook for universities. - M., 2001.

7. Legal pedagogy: A textbook for university students / Ed. prof. V.Ya. Kikotya, prof. A.M. Stolyarenko. - M .: UNITY - DANA, Law and Law, 2004.

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