There are no identical families, all families are very individual. Every good and bad family is good and bad in its own way.

It is impossible and ethically ugly to "spy" on families through the "keyhole", that is, to show curiosity, asking people how their family relationships are developing. But the result of this relationship is clearly manifested, and it can be seen by what from these families: law-abiding or moral violators.

During the 20 post-Soviet years, a lot has been left to chance. In particular, the established family values ​​and the upbringing of children in the spirit of family moral morality have sunk into oblivion. But with the revival of spirituality, more and more questions began to arise about the lost morality, about the need to revive each person's understanding of cultural, spiritual, moral and family values, about strengthening the family.

The family is the initial link from which any society is built and formed. It is from the family that the origins of a person's roots grow into the ancestral soil and the emergence of love for the place where people were born and raised, otherwise they become a "tumbleweed" without love for their family, without faith and spirituality.

If you do not begin to instruct young parents, do not teach them the basics of family-educational ethics, do not consolidate in their minds all the good that has been developed in the families of their parents and other exemplary families, how the children of the righteous Askhab were brought up, then this good will dissolve and not will leave a mark in the souls of children. This means that there will be nothing good in the future, when children and adolescents grow up, reach adulthood and want to create their own families.

Children, like a sponge, absorb everything good and bad. But more often than not, all the good is washed off, and the bad settles in the mind and begins to dominate the thoughts and fate of the child. In order to protect children and their future from the bad, I offer parents the following five rules to help in the upbringing of both children and mothers and fathers themselves.

These rules are easy to understand and follow, it is desirable to accept them and take the first step in their application.

RULE ONE:

Parents should realize their dominant role in the family, and children should understand that the owner of the house is the father, and the mistress is the mother. The father fulfills all male, paternal responsibilities, the mother - female, maternal. But this does not mean that the mother alone should bear all the physical activity in the performance of her duties, her growing children should definitely help her in this. The father needs to pay more attention to his sons, to direct their attention so that they grow up strong and healthy children, go in for sports, know how to protect the younger ones, help the mother in everyday life. The mother should instill in their minds the knowledge of family traditions and rituals. It is the mother who needs love for each other, a feeling of mutual help and support, knowledge of the native language and respect for older relatives on the part of both the father and the mother. Children must know where the roots of their family tree come from, must feel an inextricable connection with this place, with this land, with their home. It is this sense of unity that will always give them a powerful boost in the future. It is precisely this that will not let you break away and go to unknown distances far from relatives, friends and from the place where they were born and lived for many years of their lives.

RULE TWO:

In a family, there should be no competition between siblings: neither in getting grades at school, nor in doing household chores, nor in the manifestation of special talents and abilities. They should know what everyone can do better and in what they can prove themselves without infringing on the dignity of another brother or sister. They must learn to help each other and be proud not of themselves and their successes, but of what is wonderful in his brother and sister. This is what helps children to gain a sense of mutual understanding and support for each other.

Parents should show to all their children, but if one of them is sick or still cannot walk and perform their duties on their own, these children should be in the center of attention of the whole family, and everyone should learn to show special support and care for such a family member. ... This is how the family will not be jealous because some of the children are given more attention: they will know and understand why this is happening. Children should be sure that each of them is desired, loved and needed by both father and mother.

RULE THREE:

Separate punishments and rewards are undesirable in the family.

A child cannot be kicked out of the house for a fault. You can not deny him food and drink. One cannot remain harsh and indifferent at the sight of the child's wounds and bruises, because all this causes serious trauma to the child's soul and alienates him from his parents. No matter how guilty the child is, parents need to realize that this is not only his misfortune, but also the fault of the parents themselves, who missed something in his upbringing. It was this parental omission that led the child to commit a misdemeanor. ... Each such case should be discussed with the family and a joint decision should be made on how to help a child who has stumbled in the future. This will help you not to come back to this topic again. To understand and forgive, forget about a bad offense and remember all the good - this is how the positive is brought up in children.

Separate rewards in the form of a sum of money for good grades, doing help around the house, for sporting achievements, success in creativity and other areas should also not be welcomed and should not become mandatory in the family circle. This can rekindle the spirit of superiority and competition in children. Children should understand that not everyone can learn, create, compose, be the first in sports and anywhere else in the same way. There is always one first place, and there are a huge number of those who want to take it, and this is what parents should explain to their children. ... And if their children can honestly and with dignity reach the podium, then this should be the result of hard work and a desire to prove themselves among worthy rivals. Their talents and abilities must develop in the right direction. And this should not be encouraged by additional monetary reward from the father or mother, but the child's success at the festive family table should and should be celebrated.

RULE FOUR:

In such cases, children are happy to talk about their grades, sports achievements and, if they have problems, try with the help of their parents to understand why they have arisen and how to cope with them.

In such families, both problems and joys are common. A friendly family rejoices together, and this makes the joy great. And when they are upset together, then because the grief is shared by all family members, negative experiences diminish and soon completely disappear from the family horizon.

RULE FIVE:

They are very sensitive to the fine line between truth and falsehood.

Parents can talk to their children about the rules of behavior and what they need to follow as much as they want, but all their conversations and calls may turn out to be in vain. Adults should remember that first of all they need to be themselves what they call their children to become.

If the parents say one thing, and they themselves do exactly the opposite, then the children will remember not their words, but their actions.

If the father says that drinking and smoking is harmful, and he himself does all this in front of his children, then the children are unlikely to believe him, seeing that he himself violates the principles of correct behavior.

If a mother loves to gossip and gossip with her neighbors, if she does not pay due attention to order and comfort in the house, can she demand the opposite of her children?

In the souls of children, there will be a residue of distrust towards such parents.

Every family should not have double standards and norms of behavior. Otherwise, children will simply repeat the fate of their parents, and trust in their parents will be lost. Therefore, parents must first of all correct themselves and in this way they will correct the fate of their own children. Can parents wish bad luck for their children, or want their children to repeat their sins?

Changing your behavior and raising your children correctly requires strength of mind and great patience. In the Holy Quran, Allah Almighty calls people to patience and fortitude, which help people stay on the right path, and the Creator's mercy guides them along the path of Truth.

In conclusion, it should be noted that living according to the above rules is good because in this case life becomes right, and this is done for the good of yourself and the happy future of your children.

Wish

I wish everyone to firmly know this:

Even if he hears all the words for the first time.

For everyone, the family is the beginning of all beginnings.

When family becomes the yardstick

Fear of God and faith as one,

One that has absorbed the whole word.

When a family is a unit and a link,

The beginning of faith, kind and all that is native.

Do not do evil, do not break the thread of the family.

Do not deliberately cut all ties with her.

The Creator will not give benefits to those who, despite

This is done against God's command.

Tighten the related thread tighter.

Love your family, take care of your bonds.

Live in peace and keep your family!

Family norms and rules. Typical mistakes of adoptive parents.

Ostrogozh service for the arrangement of children in the family)

-2015year-

A foster child, once in a foster family, first of all encounters a barrier from family rules and norms unknown to him. For the successful upbringing of a foster child, it is very important that the family can convey its rules and norms to the child.

FAMILY STANDARDS AND RULES ARE THE FOUNDATIONS ON WHICH FAMILY LIFE IS BUILT.

THE LACK OF RULES AND NORMS IS A CHAOS THAT IS A SERIOUS DANGER FOR THE MENTAL HEALTH OF FAMILY MEMBERS.

They can relate to both the daily routine and the possibility of open expression of feelings. In chaotic families, adolescents with severe behavioral disorders grow up. The vagueness of rules and regulations, their lack of clarity, contribute to the growth of anxiety and confuse family members. A world without rules is a concentration camp where it is not clear why you can be killed or saved your life. Often, the lack of rules, their misunderstanding become the main sources of resentment and conflict in the family. The most common example is a mother who complains that her children and her husband do not help her much and refuse to comply with her requests. In such families, there are always no clear rules adopted by all family members that regulate responsibilities.

If the requirements put forward, for example, by parents, are contradictory, give rise to internal conflicts and contradictions in the child.

RULE OF CONTRACT

THE FAMILY RELATIONSHIP BASED ON EITHER AGREEMENT OR CONFLICT. THE BASIS OF EMOTIONAL FAMILY WELL-BEING ISRULE OF CONTRACT THAT ALLOWS TO FLEXIBLY RESPOND TO CHANGES, COPE WITH EVERY DAY STRESS AND CRISIS. THE AGREEMENT MAY APPLY TO ANY PART OF THE FAMILY'S LIFE, ESPECIALLY THOSECAUSES ITS MEMBERS 'CONFLICT ... IT IS PREFERABLE TO TAKE SPECIAL TIME AND PLACE TO DISCUSS THE PROBLEMS AND IDEAS OF EACH. ENCOURAGE AND NOT CRITICISE IT. FOR FOSTER CHILDREN THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. THEM NEVER HAD ANY OPPORTUNITY. AS A RESULT, THEY ONLY ACCUMULATED THEIR NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES, THAT HINDERED THEIR DEVELOPMENT.

Analysis of the rules of the foster family.

A short list of the rules adopted in this family: you need to eat everything and praise what your mother has prepared, otherwise she is offended; you need to eat at a clearly allotted time for this; if you are late, mom will run to look for you, screaming that she is being driven into a coffin. Almost all responsibilities for Mom does it herself, but all the time she complains about how "everyone sat down and went" on her. All doors in should always be open, you can enter any room without warning (what can you hide from your friends?). If Mom gets angry with someone in the family, she won't talk until she's gone, maybe a week. Children should study well, a three, and even more so a two - unacceptable grades that dishonor the family.

Rule 1. You need to eat everything that mom cooked

Why this rule interferes with the successful upbringing of a foster child. The mother's sense of self-worth is associated with the eating behavior of children. Foster children have, as a rule, peculiar stereotypes of food preferences and eating behavior. They, like all children, eat what they are used to. The requirement to comply with this rule will be associated with unnecessary conflicts and resentments. Children need to be gradually taught to new tastes.

Rule 2. You need to eat at a clearly allotted time

Why this rule interferes with the successful upbringing of a foster child. Children raised in unfavorable conditions have poorly formed self-regulation and self-control. They got hungry in the womb and are ready to eat for days. They hide the pieces so they can always have food in reserve. You can find dried pieces in the most unexpected places, for example, under the mattress. It is better to arrange snacks for them than to be offended that they do not follow the rules. For snacks, it is best to use foods that increase blood glucose levels (unless contraindicated).

Rule 3. If you are late, mom will run to look for you, she will scream that she is being driven into a coffin

Why this rule interferes with the successful upbringing of a foster child. It is difficult for foster children to adhere to a clear time frame, therefore, an overly expressive reaction of a mother to being late will encourage children to use "lies in the name of saving themselves and their mother."

Rule 4. Almost all responsibilities for mom does it herself, but all the time complains about how "everyone sat down and drove off"

Why this rule interferes with the successful upbringing of a foster child. The sacrificial position of the mother in the performance of household duties is associated with the inability of the family to agree on the distribution of responsibilities. She can fuel the desire for dependency in children.

Rule 5. All doors in should always be open, you can enter any room without warning (what can you hide from your friends?).

Why this rule interferes with the successful upbringing of a foster child. We have already said that the child needs to have a space in the family, which he feels as his own. If others, including parents, respect his boundaries, then he, too, will eventually learn to observe them from others. Those. he will not take things and money from other family members. Family members must also guard their boundaries. In the first two years of admission, especially at the beginning, it is necessary to remove the most valuable things, do not throw money around , know exactly how many are stored in ... It is impossible to create conditions for provoking theft from a child !!!

Rule 6. If mom gets angry with someone in the family, she won't talk until she's gone, maybe a week.

Why this rule interferes with the successful upbringing of a foster child. For adopted children, this rule is unbearable. They perceive mom's silence as total rejection.

Rule 7. Children should study well, a three, and even more a two - unacceptable grades that dishonor the family

Why this rule interferes with the successful upbringing of a foster child. Linking family prestige and the assessments of adopted children at school is a direct path to rejection. Almost all of them have various developmental delays, pedagogically neglected.

WHEN and HOW SHOULD I TELL THE FOSTER CHILD ABOUT THE EXISTING RULES OF FAMILY LIFE.

For example:

In a family, everyone should respect each other.
2). Patience for each other!
3). Mutual assistance.
4) . Understanding.
five) . Everyone should have their own responsibilities.
6). Love for each other.
7). Help from parents to children, children to parents.
eight) . Do not swear!
nine) . Parents need to make money, and children have good grades.

Example, family rules :

1. Dad is the first to get up in the morning, he wakes everyone up.

2. Brother Ilya always walks with the dog.

3. Brother Nikita feeds the fish and cleans the aquarium.

4. Mom always buys bread.

5. Dinner is always at 18.00.

6. In the evening, be sure to ventilate the rooms.

7. Light in everything turn off at 23.00.

8. On Sunday, the whole family goes to the forest.

9. Celebrating the New Year the whole family.

10. You cannot boil water in the kettle a second time, you must pour fresh water!

And now we will work out the family rules-traditions step by step ...

1. Take 10 minutes to analyze the unwritten rules that everyone in your family adheres to.

2. Highlight one weekday in the life of your family, start right in the morning: what events, actions are repeated from day to day, from year to year, and you have long ceased to pay attention to them?

3. Now consider an entire week of family life. The weekend rules, if any, will be added here.

4. The next stage is the holidays: if there are any unwritten rules for celebrating, for example, mother's birthday or New Year, write it down.

5. Now think once more what you missed.

6. Wrote at least 10 rules - well done!

7. Pay attention to which of the rules apply specifically to you?

8. Which family member is mentioned most often on your list? Why?

9. Is there anything on your list that surprised you?

10. Is there anything you want to change?

11. Do you want to add a rule?

12. Offer to do the same to a friend / girlfriend. Then analyze, compare: what are the similarities and differences?

13. Sometimes we find ourselves in families where other rules “work” or ours “do not work”. Now you can immediately notice it. Respect other people's rules!

Family rules and traditions are what makes each family unique. But often we live in the system of these rules, without even noticing them and not thinking that it is possible to change and improve them, to make our life and our beloved family better.

Family rules can be called those orders and customs that pass from one family, generation to another.

It is the family values ​​and traditions, habits that distinguish our families. After all, everyone has their own. For example, among the rules of my family, there are such as joint modeling of dumplings for the New Year. Holidays are celebrated in different ways, but in our family everything looks about the same every year.

We all make dumplings together, celebrate the New Year, watch TV. And although none of us already believes in Santa Claus, we give each other gifts and put them under the tree. I love the fact that not only do we abide by these family rules, but we also enjoy it, even adults. And there are many similar rules in our family. For example, we do general cleaning every Saturday. Each family member has a different responsibility - dusting, sweeping or cleaning the floors. In the evening, having finished our common work, we love to sit with the whole family and watch something interesting on TV. And this is also one of our family rules. In addition, we really love to get together with the whole family and have picnics in nature. And this is the most favorite family rule of all that my family observes. When I create my own social unit, I would very much like to transfer into it all those family rules that I followed from early childhood. I want my children and grandchildren to also follow them.

Family rules are a huge and important value for every family, because our well-being depends on them.

Mistakes of foster parents in raising children

We all make mistakes, but when we make mistakes in parenting, it affects the future relationships and personality of the child.

Household threats

“If you don’t clean your room, you won’t get sweets”, “Do as I say and without any questions, otherwise I won’t let you go outside.”
Often parents say this without thinking that the child perceives such statements very painfully. They make him fear, hostile, and negative about his parents.

orders

"I am a mother and I know better what you need", "If your father said, you must obey", "I forbid you to be friends with ...".
Such phrases are a manifestation of the desire to subjugate another person, albeit a small one. Believe me, it won't do anything good. The child accumulates resentment in himself and dreams of the day when he grows up and shows who is stronger.

« Laziness was born before you "," I say, I say, but everything is in vain. "
Such remarks drive the baby to a dead end, leave him no hope of correction, especially when he is accused of not depending on him. Result? The child feels that his parents do not like him, he becomes withdrawn and taciturn, with even less desire to help his parents.

Offensive words

"You are a stubborn donkey", "What do you look like a ram?", "And who are you so ugly?"
Insults and offensive nicknames lower the child's self-esteem, and a similar offensive model of communication with other people is formed in his mind.

Unmotivated interrogation

"Why are you so late?", "Why are you digging around here for so long?" .
Often, parents like to find out or find fault with insignificant details in the child's behavior, and he perceives this as a manifestation of self-distrust. The result is fear of adults, secrecy and lies.

"You are doing this to spite me", "You don't have to make excuses, I already know everything."
Such statements are very painful for the baby's psyche. The unwillingness of parents to understand the actions of the child builds a wall between them, which will grow higher every year.

Untimely advice “I told / warned ...”, “You will grow up, you will understand”, “If you had done as I said, nothing would have happened, and now solve your problem yourself.”

Types of family rules

Agreement on the creation of a personal budget on mutually beneficial terms (from 12 years old)

Such an agreement can be one of the reasonable forms of the relationship between parents and children. Provides both the protection of the interests of children and the opportunity for parents to fulfill their goals of education.

For example:

This agreement is signed between our beloved Olya and Seryozha, hereinafter referred to as Children and us, a caring and loving mother Katya, and an attentive and caring dad Andrey, hereinafter referred to as Parents, with the following purpose:

Creating a personal budget for Children and accumulating money for a beautiful vacation with all the ensuing joys and entertainment, because we want our children to understand how to treat money correctly, so that there is always a lot of money and there is enough for everything, that an unusually colorful rest!

Absolutely correct provisions of the current contract:

Children happily receive money for personal expenses in the amount of 100 rubles every month.

Parents give money cheerfully at the end of the month based on the results of the fulfillment of the terms of the contract.

The part of the money that will be set aside for a trip to the sea or for a vacation in other good places is multiplied by five and issued only before the trip.

From the personal money of our beloved Children set aside for vacation, a ticket is bought, all the things necessary for the rest, and the remaining amount can be used for personal purposes during rest or during holidays (as agreed by the parties).

1. Obligations of the parties.

Children are serious about their commitments to the school plan, their parents' housekeeping plan, personal order plan, and health plan.

Parents are equally serious about the obligation to pay the set amount on time, provided that all these plans are fulfilled by at least 80%.

Payments are clearly made by the Caring Dad - Andrey, the main holder of the family budget.

Tracking the implementation of plans is loudly done by Caring Mom - Katya, the chief controller of family plans.

2. The term of the contract.

3. Procedure for resolving disputes.

All disputes are handled by the interested parties in a warm and friendly environment. The decision is made within ten minutes.

To resolve disputes, a magistrate judge (Aunt Zhenya), the fairest judge in the world, can be involved, whose services are paid by the party who turned to him.

4. Changes to the terms of the contract.

The terms of the contract cannot be changed just like that.

The parties are obliged to mentally drink tea, respectfully discuss the new conditions and happily amend the current agreement.

Appendix 1. School plan.

Term: Week Number of fives: Not less than three. Number of fours: Any. Number of triplets: No more than three. Number of twos: One two subtracts one five.

Sit down for lessons immediately after lunch.

Appendix 2. Household assistance plan

Term: Week. Help on : 1. Take out the trash twice. 2. Wash the dishes twice. 3. Help mom with cooking. 4. Wash the floors once.

Help in the room: 1. Vacuum once. 2. Wash the floors twice.

Help with cleaning on Saturdays: Mom determines.

Bonus / Penalty: It is obligatory to clean up after yourself without reminders. The fine is 10 rubles. One reminder allowed. If the Children have been smart all week, a prize is awarded. Which one? - Parents decide

Appendix 3. Plan of order in personal belongings

All things should be in perfect order.

Rules for a child from 2 to 3 years old

Well, your child's first birthday is over. What do you expect from the next two years?

In a year he can walk, begins to speak. At three he speaks perfectly. Sleeps, of course, all night. Transferred from HS to regular food without any problems. Willingly with other children, shares toys, but, if necessary, can achieve his goal. Loves his brothers or sisters, treats them well. He always obeys, does not run away, easily part with you, touches only permitted things, always in a good mood and healthy. From 2 years old he goes to the potty. Of course, he can already eat with his own hand. Loves all sorts of healthy things, vegetables and fruits. Plays often in his room, maybe for hours one. He is brave and at the same time does nothing dangerous. Always looks clean and tidy.

Do you know these children? I know, at least, moms who say: “This is how it should be. If something is wrong, I am a failure and a bad mother. " But reality looks different: And those children who later begin to walk or talk are still in , they hate vegetables, and they would gladly take their newborn brother back to the hospital, are also absolutely normal.

In this intense phase of development, each child expands the horizon at their own pace. He learns to run - and run away at the same time. He learns to speak - including the word "no". He can build and destroy towers. He learns to communicate with other children, if not with words, then maybe stroking, or even hitting and biting. He knows how to eat himself - and can purposefully throw food. He can hug mom - and he can kick. Not a single child at this age can understand what is good and what is bad. But he can notice this in the constantly recognizable reaction of his parents and draw conclusions.

The rules "The child is in charge, the parents are running errands" (the premise "Everything will happen the way I want. What is it for others - I do not care"):

If I snatch something from another child, I can keep it for myself.

If I don’t touch lunch, my mom will cook me something else.

If I fall to the floor and scream, I'll get what I want right away

I already know exactly when I want to go to the toilet. But if I refuse the pot, my mother will wash me and dress me clean .

Rules "Child is nobody, Parents are all":

If I rip a toy out of a child’s hands, I’ll get it in the ass

I have to sit on the potty until I do something

If I don’t touch lunch, I’ll be force-fed

If I fall on the floor in a rage, I will be yelled at and beaten.

Here the parents' wishes come first. They are not interested in how the child feels. And children are very confused, who have to periodically follow the first rules, then the second.

Rules: "Respect for the child, respect for the parents":

If I snatch something from another child's hands, Mom will take it from me and give it back to him.

If I don’t touch until lunchtime, I’ll have to wait until the next feed.

If I fall to the floor and scream, Mom leaves the room right away

They don’t wear me anymore even if I still pee in my pants a lot

During breakfast in kindergarten, everyone sits down ... I only have to sit while I eat. I am not allowed to walk around the room with food in hand.

Rules for a child 4-6 years old (kindergarten)

When the child is already 4 years old, at this time it is already time:

1. To teach the child to obey mom and dad the first time.

2. To burden the child with small household chores that are within his power:

put your toys away in the appropriate designated place;

neatly fold and hang (on a chair) your ;

help mom and dad (for example, bring small things);

help cover on (include forks, spoons, napkins).

3. As an adult, thank your child for caring for others and praise him for helping when he:

* fulfills its duties without being reminded;

for what he does voluntarily, caring for others, (not duties: for example, wipes , watering flowers or cleaning up pets);

for a desire to develop (for example, a child asks to teach him the alphabet).

4. It is necessary to give the child an example of caring for strangers or acquaintances, except for relatives:

to draw his attention to the fact that older children and young people give way in transport to the elderly, disabled and pregnant women, mothers with small children. It is important to explain why this is done.

how young people help grandmothers to carry heavy ;

other examples of care.

5.From childhood, teach a child to practice ... When choosing a view you can take into account his opinion and agree that since he has chosen, he will walk for a certain minimum of time, even if he does not like it. By doing this, we wean him from the idea that his parents will satisfy any of his desires every time, and we teach him to take responsibility for his choice.

6. Limit entertainment that does not develop or develop little: cartoons, etc.

7. To teach that mom and dad have the right to allocate time / resources only for themselves, and they, for example, 1 hour a day to leave alone and at this time to play. For example, mom is doing makeup or is busy with important business. It is important that the child does not develop selfishness in himself. Example: when I used to say to my son as a child: "Now play by yourself while I finish this thing." And he knew that at this time it was forbidden to be capricious and distract attention to himself without good reason. This is the parental STOP.Rules for a child from 6-7 years old (primary school)

What does your ideal student look like? Of course, he can't wait for the first day of school. He grasps everything on the fly with greed, he wants to teach and is not at all overwhelmed. It is easy for him to learn, he does his homework independently and in the shortest possible time, in order to express himself exclusively in his free time. or creativity, etc.

Well, well ... You can dream of such a child, but no one gets it ready-made. The reality is different. Not every child learns to read without difficulty, for many it is difficult, and someone simply cannot stand to read. A similar situation - both with swimming and with perseverance ...

Perhaps you are thinking about something else: moral values ​​such as honesty, courage, loyalty, modesty, friendliness, fairness, politeness are very important to you. And you would like now, at an already conscious age, to convey them to the child. Have you noticed how it has become fashionable in raising children to just talk about these qualities? At the moment, other "values" are more likely to be in demand - to have success, to succeed, the ability to achieve their own, to use every hole in the law for their own benefit.

What to do? There is a lot to do, but developing good rules for your child and teaching your children to follow these rules is one of the simplest and most reliable methods. And in kindergarten, and in school or sections, the rules should not only be clearly stated, but also implemented. The older our children get, the more closely we, as parents, have to work with other groups.

Unfortunately, in many families the rules are crooked ... For example,

If I get ready for a long time in the morning, Dad will take me to school by car.

If I play stupid enough when doing my homework, my mother sits and studies every day with me for 2 hours

If I can't watching TV, I have to whine for so long until my mom gives up.

The wishes of the parents are not respected here, and the children get what they want, even if they behave badly. These are the rules "The child is in charge, the parents are running errands" Other children are taught the rules "The child is nobody, the parents are all":

If I dig in the morning, I will not be allowed to watch TV in the evening.

If there is even one mistake in my homework, I will have to rewrite everything over again.

If my mother catches me on the telecom, they will yell at me and put me under house arrest.

Such harshness does not educate, but crushes and embitters.

I would like to believe that the situation in your family is different, and your children naturally follow simple rules:

I come to school punctually;

I do my homework regularly;

In class I sit in my place;

I raise my hand (let me know) if I want to say something.

As well as:

If I dig in the morning, I will be late for school;

My mom offers me homework help. If I start to play the fool, she comes out;

If a certain program is not suitable for me, the TV stays off.

Rules for a child 8-12 years old

This agreement is signed between children and adults with the aim of both maintaining peace and love in the family, and for the formation of useful and correct attitudes, values, family habits.

Responsibilities of the parties: The child takes seriously the obligation to fulfill the rules of harmony, development, beauty and order. Adults are equally serious about their commitment to monitoring compliance with family rules.

The contract is valid until the end of the current year. At the request of the parties, the contract can be quickly extended for any period.

Dispute Resolution Procedure. All disputes are handled by the interested parties in a warm and friendly environment. The decision is made within ten minutes. To resolve disputes, a magistrate (Petya), the fairest judge in the world, can be involved, whose services are paid by the party who applied to him.

​Changing the terms of the contract. The terms of the contract cannot be changed just like that. The parties are obliged to mentally drink tea, respectfully discuss the new conditions and happily amend the current agreement. All exceptions are by agreement. These exceptions should bring joy to all participants and benefit our mental, mental and physical health.

Signatures of the parties

FAMILY RULES with a teenage girl 8-10 years old

THE BEAUTY

We are positive suns! No sourness. Whine for no more than 2 minutes 45 seconds a day.

Regal posture - radiant smile (Venus Game)

I wake you up - you smile at me and get up within a minute.

In the morning, quickly wash, brush your teeth, comb your hair, make the bed. Shower in the evening.

HARMONY

Daily prayer: a) gratitude, b) repentance c) request

Respect adults. Do not be rude.

In case of disagreement - possible options for behavior: a) obey, silently do it with love and a smile; b) a constructive dispute (begins with the consent of the partner's point of view, then we express our position. (We discuss the pros and cons, we act).

Not a drop of cold, sharp, evil. We resolve all issues in a calm atmosphere, kindly, do not raise our voice, do not swear.

Do at least 1 good deed per day (help, care, donation, etc.)

ORDER

- clean items are neatly folded, dirty items are washed.

Written put in complete order, things in the room are laid out in their places until 22.00

The bed should be made every morning.

Be sure to clean up after yourself without reminders.

After eating, clean up after yourself, wash the dishes.

Once a week cleaning the apartment (what to do is determined by an adult)

DEVELOPMENT

Write down homework at school in a diary. Take daily ... games: it is allowed to watch educational programs. Entertaining - by agreement. How much and what to play / watch - the adult decides

Sanctions for breaking the rules

Squat / push-up / press

Temporary deprivation (hugs / visit to the Temple / society / entertainment)

Fine - 20 rubles

We come up with sanctions for ourselves.

If the child has been smart all week, at the end of the week he will receive a gift (a smile, a hug, a chocolate bar or a bonus). What - the adult decides.

Rules for a teenager

Teenagers are not an easy age, they object to the imposition of something from the outside and are ready to fight for their freedom. On the other hand, this is the time when parents are obliged to prepare them for adulthood, where responsibility and self-control are necessary.

Teach your teen to follow a sensible format

Do you have a good family? Then your task is for your children to know very clearly that in communication it is unacceptable categorically, where is the plinth, below which you cannot go down in your family. Even when angry, you should never use obscene language. When talking with your parents, you should not be disrespectful: sit emphatically sprawled, not answer questions and show that these questions bother you. I do not agree - clearly and collectedly, with respect to your parents, tell me what you agree with, what you don’t - and what you propose. If there is a rule (we go to bed at 22.00), then it cannot be changed without the permission of the elders. It is normal to "inform" (that is, to put before the fact) only in a situation of force majeure and when it is impossible to discuss the urgent situation with the elders. If the elders were available, at least by , then making independent decisions in violation of agreements is a violation of family law.

Learning life skills and good breeding

Adolescents can decide for themselves what they think is the right way to teach themselves for the life ahead, but the daily learning of good manners, manners and useful social skills should be. This can be helped by methods and .

Responsibility for our own purposes

Teens must have their own goals and achieve them (move towards them) according to the plan. Goals and plans can be developed completely independently, they can (and in principle it is more reasonable) together with their parents. But if they accepted them, now it should not remain dreams and good intentions, now these are obligations (to themselves) that they are obliged to fulfill.

As adults. And parents can and should ask them this: whether they are fulfilling or not, they are their own (not imposed by someone else, but their own!) Goals and obligations.

Discussion Material

An excerpt from the article: "Here are the things my daughters were never allowed to do: go to sleepover parties, make friends, participate in school plays, complain that they are not allowed to participate in school plays, watch TV, or in , independently choose optional classes for themselves, get grades below "five", not be "student number 1" in any subject other than physical education and drama ... ",

Not all foster parents can agree with this list: schoolchildren do not need to hang around at night, and early cupids, in general, are useless. School amateur performances are usually at a very low level, and there is no point in wasting time on it, television and computer games are a path to degradation. They go to school to study, and not to hang out and have fun, and to do poorly at school - there is no excuse (if the child is healthy and well-groomed). There are, of course, Einstein C grade students, but more often they are just idlers. It's okay to study for A's. This does not mean that you need to throw a tantrum because of the four, but the result should be on the level. It is better for parents to coordinate electives. I'll definitely give my son to chess, let him train his brains. And in the sports section, something like athletics, while small. I would like to go to a music school, piano or guitar, but let's see according to abilities. », 2002 ;

Article by A. Nikolaeva "Rules for children of different ages", 2002;

Vasilyeva-Gangnus L.P. "The ABC of Politeness" - M.: Pedagogy, 1989;

They are I. L. "Thank you, please, hello" - L.: Lenizdat, 1991;

"Book for Girls". (Compiled by N. Sukhova, V. Yartsev) - Novosibirsk: "Mangazeya", 1998.

Busheleva B.V. "Let's talk about good manners" - Petrozavodsk: "Karelia", 1991.

In order for the life of a family to be happy, it must have traditions that unite people, give stability to everyday life, and affirm family values. Will help with this friendly family rules that can be accepted and written down at the family council. Here is an example of such rules:

• Family members' birthday is an excuse to say kind words to them... Even if someone close cannot be present at the holiday, he must find a way to send congratulations. In general, many family traditions are associated with birthdays. For example, publishing a wall newspaper for a birthday person or

• Don't miss Sunday (Saturday) lunches (dinners)... A very good rule is to meet with your circle at the family table, share news, discuss interesting topics. You can start a family toy library and spend the evening playing fun board games

• Keep old traditions and create new ones... In many cases friendly family rules based on respect for tradition. They express the connection between generations, the accumulated experience of communication with close people. Times change, some customs remain in the past, new ones come in their place. For example, some time ago it was customary to send postcards in envelopes for the New Year to relatives living in other cities. Today, communication means allow you to congratulate them on Skype, but many follow the old tradition and send postcards, and this is so nice!

• Thank you! Simple human gratitude means so much to every family member, but, unfortunately, many underestimate its importance and forget to say "thank you" for the help. Learn to thank people yourself and teach children to do it. The very meaning of the word "thank you" carries in itself "good", good. Give these bright emotions to all members of your family, and ideally to all the people around you!

• Do what you took responsibility for. One of the most important rules of a friendly family - the ability to keep promises. It is important to agree on this all together and strictly observe. If children grow up in a family where they do not throw words to the wind, they begin to take what was said seriously and keep their word themselves. This forms responsibility as a personality trait and character trait.

• Family first, everything else later... Not everyone shares this rule, judging by how some adults prefer to spend their weekends separately from their children, "dropping" them to one of the grandmothers. It is important to plan a joint vacation so that from an early age the younger family members understand the value of spending time together.

• "The litter remains in the hut!" The old proverb that you should not wash dirty linen in public is very wise: - a temporary phenomenon, unless you start kindling them with the help of friends and neighbors. By showing weakness and sharing family problems with others, you run the risk of receiving criticism and gossip instead of sympathy, from which you will suffer yourself, and with you the household. Family problems are not for prying eyes and ears!

• Take care of older family members! The property of every family is the elderly. They are the main bearers and keepers of family traditions, they are living witnesses of another time in which neither you nor your children lived. Get together more often, have family evenings of memories, soak up this memory: the world that the older family members represent will go with them.

• Please yourself and others just like that! In a close-knit family, everyone loves to please each other. Isn't it wonderful when Daddy brings home a bouquet, although no holidays are scheduled? Or if mom makes a delicious multi-course dinner just because she's in a good mood? And how nice it is when a child draws a portrait of a friendly family and presents it to his family! Positive emotions preserve health, prolong life, give energy and strength. So why not introduce such a rule?

Undoubtedly, your family also has interesting traditions that you might want to talk about. Try to turn them into rules for a close-knit family.

• In chaotic families, adolescents with serious behavioral disorders grow up.
• The vagueness of rules and norms, their lack of clarity, contributes to the growth of anxiety and confuses all family members.
• Often, the lack of rules, their misunderstanding become the main sources of resentment and conflict in the family.
The most common example: a mother who complains that her children and her husband do not help her much and refuse to comply with her requests. In such families, there are always no clear rules adopted by all family members that regulate responsibilities. It is important for the child to feel that:
• that his feelings and interests are meaningful to adults and taken into account when making any decisions;
• that he can talk about his needs, and they will be satisfied whenever possible.

It is very important that foster parents are consistent in their behavior and attitude towards the child.

In order for the child to be able to better control his behavior, it is necessary to help him in this: to establish permanent boundaries of what is permissible. It is important that these boundaries are, on the one hand, available for the child's understanding and fulfillment, and on the other hand, set a framework for his behavior, which, according to the parents, is unacceptable. If the demands put forward by the parents are contradictory, they give rise to internal conflicts in the child.

A short list of rules that can be adopted in the family:

1. The rule of the contract.
   The basis of the emotional well-being of the family is the rule of the contract, which allows you to flexibly respond to changes, cope with everyday stress and crisis situations. The contract can concern any aspect of the family's life, especially those that cause disagreement among its members. It is advisable to set aside a special time and place to discuss everyone's problems and ideas. At the same time, it is important to encourage the child's statement and not criticize him. This is very important for foster children. Perhaps they did not previously have such an opportunity, they only accumulated their negative experiences, which prevented their full development.
2. The rule of novelty.
   This rule can be associated with both a new atmosphere, interaction, and food. There is no need to force the child to eat everything and praise what the mother has prepared. The mother's sense of self-worth is associated with the eating behavior of children. Foster children have, as a rule, peculiar stereotypes of food preferences and eating behavior. They, like all children, eat what they are used to. The requirement to eat everything will be associated with unnecessary conflicts and resentments. Children need to be gradually taught to new tastes.
3. Schedule.
   You need to eat at a clearly allotted time for this. Children who are brought up in disadvantaged conditions have poorly formed self-regulation and self-control. It is better to give them time to rest, exercise and food than to be offended and scolded for not observing the rule. At the same time, it is difficult for children to comply with a clear time frame, therefore, an overly expressive response of the mother to being late will encourage children to use "lies in the name of saving themselves and their mother."
4. Family responsibilities.
   Household chores should be shared among all family members. Often, almost all duties are performed by the mother, all the time she complains about how “everyone sat down and drove off”. The sacrificial position of the mother in the performance of household duties is associated with the inability of family members to agree on the distribution of responsibilities. She can fuel the desire for dependency in children.
5. The rule of boundaries.
   All doors in the house must always be open. The child should feel that there is trust in the family and that any room can be entered without warning. Moreover, he needs to have his own space in the house. The rule of adherence to boundaries makes it possible to obtain the necessary autonomy, forms a sense of responsibility in children, and contributes to their growing up. It is very important that in the foster family, especially in the first two years, conditions are not created for mistrust and provoking theft from the child. It is advisable to hide the most valuable things, not to scatter money around the house, to know exactly how many of them are stored in the house.
6. You don't need to immediately demand academic success from your child.
   Linking family prestige and children's grades in school can negatively impact adoption of foster children, as virtually all of them have different developmental delays. The self-esteem of an adopted child even more than a native one depends on what others say about him, especially those whom he considers significant for himself. In his life, he heard a lot of statements about the negative aspects of his personality, so his image of "I" is often negative. Expressing verbal and non-verbal support allows him to adjust his self-esteem.

Ways to discuss norms and rules in the family:

• It is best to do this at a sweet table (sweet relieves stress).
• If the child is small, then it is advisable to demonstrate the rules in a game where toys act as family members.
• If the child is left-handed, then it is better to explain the rules to any other child sitting next to him. It is very difficult for a left-hander to learn the rules, it is easier for him to follow others in their observance.
• It is necessary to discuss the reasonableness of the rules with the teenager, to agree on the possibility of joint correction of the requirements for him, to conclude a contract on their implementation.
  The family members themselves must follow these rules. The double standard in their performance contributes to the maladjustment of the child. In order for harmony and understanding to reign in the family, the norms and rules of communication in the family must be jointly adopted.