How can you change the behavior of other people? How to properly change your character: practical advice
How to choose the key to solving any situation Bolshakova Larisa
21. How to change the behavior of another person
Many people believe that if we do not like the way the other person behaves, then if to talk with him, clearly and intelligibly explain to him why he is doing wrong, and why we do not like his behavior, then he will immediately hear us, understand and change his behavior.
Unfortunately, as we all know, such verbal methods of influence rarely help to make a difference. The child listens to our "notations", sincerely (as it seems to us) agrees with us, and then again behaves in the same way. The spouse apologizes, promises that "this will not happen again," but the matter does not go further than promises. The colleague swears that next month he will submit the report on time - but the deadline is approaching, and we again have to remind him of this every now and then.
Why it happens? Because communication consists not only of words, as we already know, but also of non-verbal manifestations of partners, of their reactions to each other.
In a sense, communication is a "closed system": one partner says and does something - the other reacts to these words and actions - the first partner reacts to the reactions of the second - and so on.
And if we tell a partner that we do not like some of his actions, but our own behavior in this case does not change in any way - we show all the same habitual reactions - it will also be difficult for him to change his behavior, even if he would like to do it.
As a result, we repeatedly enter into conflict, sort things out, ask or demand something, but the situation unfolds as if in a “vicious circle”: each time the conflict proceeds according to the same scenario, but it is never resolved.
How to break this “vicious circle”? There is only one way: stop hoping that our calls and explanations will change something, but change your reactions , their actions and his behavior .
And if our reactions to our partner's behavior change, he will have no choice but to change their.
Let's say a person is used to the fact that you get angry when he does not wash his dishes, but ends up doing them yourself. If, once again, when you see dirty dishes in the kitchen, you do not express your dissatisfaction, and then wash the dishes yourself - but, for example, calmly put it in a garbage bag and throw it away, the person, at least, will be surprised and thoughtful and, most likely , he himself will begin to make attempts to understand what is happening.
But changing our habitual reactions is not as easy as it seems, because often we are simply not aware of them.
To become more aware of your reactions and actions and to change them so that the partner's behavior changes in response, you can do the following exercise.
From the book Overcome the Life Crisis. Divorce, job loss, death of loved ones ... There is a way out! author Liss MaxWords can change a person Words, spoken persistently and repeatedly, can change a person. “Remember your early childhood,” I often ask my patients. For the woman I'm talking about, her parents were an undeniable authority. They were always right
From the book The Experienced Pastor author Taylor Charles W.1. Testing your own attempts to change behavior. Describe a personal problem you are working on. Note which plans are appropriate for solving your problems and which are not. Then answer the following questions: What are the main differences between the two?
From the book of Resentment the author Orlov Yuri Mikhailovich From the book Resentment. Guilt the author Orlov Yuri Mikhailovich From the book Changing Beliefs with NLP author Dilts RobertMy expectations program the other's behavior My expectations regarding the other's behavior are at the same time evaluations of his behavior. Any assessment is a certain standard that I impose on another person and with which I program his behavior. And this
From the book Five Ways to a Child's Heart by Chapman GaryUnderstanding the Other As I consider my expectations, I begin to understand myself better. Understanding myself improves communication and I have a hope that I will be offended less often. Adaptation in communication also consists in understanding not only oneself, but also another; in this
From the book How to get out of the water dry. The art of getting out of the most awkward situations in life by Gregg CavetThe first stage: what to call the behavior of another person? R.D .: Imagine that this person is here, right in front of you. Name the behavior that makes it really difficult for you to be around this person. What exactly does it do? What would you call it?
From the book How to become a master of communication with any person, in any situation. All secrets, tips, formulas author Narbut AlexCHANGE CHILD'S BEHAVIOR Missionaries are motivated primarily by a sincere desire to help another. Parents teach the child selflessness, they can also strengthen selfishness in him. When we help, we must be attentive, we do not set conditions, we just love. If the parents
From the book Handbook for the development of superpowers of consciousness the author Kreskin George Joseph3. You Can't Tell One Person From Another Although it is not politically correct to talk about it, the fact remains that it is very difficult to distinguish between people who look different from you. Visual recognition skills were formed in our days when we lived
From the book Ideal Negotiations by Glazer JudithYou cannot change the other - but you can help him change with the help of a kind word. Once you get a taste, you will understand that it is pleasant to praise others. If someone is too arrogant, begins to "think too much of himself" from your praise - do not be afraid of this, because a person in any
From the book I always know what to say! How to develop self-confidence and become a master of communication the author Boisver Jean-MarieHow to Control Another Person's Hands Here's another trick based on our body's natural function. You can test this right now by standing in a narrow doorway with your arms extended along your body. Now, keeping your arms straight, press firmly with the backs of your arms.
From the book Distractions, or Why Our Plans Go Away the author Gino FrancescaInstant sensation of the presence of another person If it is true that a person in 0.07 seconds is able to feel a friend in front of him or an enemy, then this means that we can determine whether it is possible to trust a person, judging by the way he moves. This task is undertaken by
From the book Sexual Need and Prodigal Passion the author compiled by NickChapter 1. How to change our behavior At different times in our life, meeting with different people in different situations, every time, to a greater or lesser extent, we experience difficulties when we want to convey our position clearly and simply. We avoid meeting some people.
From the author's bookPerceiving another person's emotions Accepting another person's emotions means showing him that we understand his emotional state, but he will not regret opening up to us. There is no need to give advice, reassure, assure that we are perfectly with him
The aroma of hot cakes makes you instantly forget about the diet. The criticism's disapproving word kills the desire to create. An interesting TV show steals sleep time at night. All these are triggers - external stimuli that cause changes in thoughts, often turn on patterns of behavior we don't need, and widen the gap between the “ideal self” and the “real self”.
Marshall Goldsmith, author of Triggers, knows how to resist them and, moreover, how to use triggers to your advantage: change your behavior, regret less mistakes and achieve any goals. He tells you what to do if you want the changes and good habits in your life to not be fleeting.
Non-stop trigger
The environment is not an amorphous space that touches our skin, but a non-stop trigger. Triggers appear unexpectedly. It can be a serving of ice cream at night or pressure from others that confuses and forces you to go against your will. They can excite pleasantly, like the prospect of a personal exhibition, or devastate us, like news of a loved one's illness.
External factors are beyond our control. It often seems to us that we are not able to influence them, and we feel like puppets of fate. Don't accept this.
Destiny is the cards that were dealt to us. The choice is how to play them.
Why is it so hard to change?
Changing yourself is generally the most difficult task for a person.
Do you think it's an exaggeration? Then answer the questions. What would you like to change in your life? And how long have you been wanting this? How many months? Or years?
If we are satisfied with our life - not necessarily happy, just satisfied - then we live by inertia. We do what we have always done.
If not satisfied, we can start chasing every idea, never sticking to one of them long enough. They are like an adhesive plaster: they solve problems of the moment, rather than fix our patterns of behavior forever.
Another problem: we often don't know how to change. Motivation, understanding and opportunity are different things. And often we simply do not want to change, although with our mind we understand that.
And what to do?
There are many tips in the book that work. Not "like" or "type", but work. Simple to begin with. Learn to notice the impulse.
A passenger in the next seat with loud music on headphones; the person who stands on the left side of the escalator when you are in a hurry, and so on. These triggers are minor annoyances. They happen every day, they don't go anywhere. But they can trigger basic instincts.
When the trigger is in action, we have an impulse to behave in a certain way. But the higher the awareness, the less chance that any provocation will cause rash behavior - and lead to undesirable consequences.
Learn to notice the impulse and ignore provocative stimuli. By doing this you "disarm" the moment. If there is no cartridge in the barrel, the trigger is irrelevant.
Ask yourself questions
And this advice is more complicated. But you can also start using it today.
Think about your goals, choose a few key ones. Now make a list of questions-tasks according to the formula "Did I do my best to ...".
You don't have to make this list to impress someone. These are only your questions and your life. But you need to consider a couple of points. Are these questions important to your life? Will they help you become who you are?
Questions can be about work and creativity, family, health and education. The task list should be structured so that you can evaluate them on a daily basis. Below are a few questions from Marshall Goldsmith's personal list. He rates on a scale of 1 to 10 the efforts he put into each item.
If your score for trying to be happy today was low, then tomorrow will be a new day to put in more effort. And if, after a month, you notice that you have never made an effort (for example, to get more sleep or exercise), this will help create an emotional impulse for change.
Why is it dangerous to live unchanged?
Imagine a life in which nothing changes. This does not mean lifelong work in the same company or a 40-year marriage with. This choice only commands respect.
There is one aspect of consistency in our life that we wear proudly, like a medal on our uniform. It's about our unwillingness to change our relationship style. The sisters do not see each other and do not speak to each other for years due to a long-forgotten quarrel. An old friend still hears an offensive childhood nickname from us. The spontaneous reaction to the child's disobedience is too harsh. But why?
When we do not change our negative behavior, which can hurt loved ones or ourselves, we deliberately choose for ourselves a worse life and fewer opportunities.
After reading this article, think about one change you won't regret later. This is the only criterion. Maybe you will call your mom. Or thank the client for their dedication. Or don't say anything, but hold back criticism or an ironic remark.
The main thing is that your act becomes the starting point for moving towards something better. And then your behavior will become a trigger for someone.
Start reaching your goals by noticing triggers. You will become more like who you want to be, you will have less regrets. You will be happier. And this is just the beginning.
For Lifehacker readers only: download the Triggers e-book for free. Only until 11:59 pm ET on Sunday, September 24th.
How to change your character? A person does not think about whether it is possible to change character in moments of joy and contentment with life, this usually happens when they once again face their own undesirable reactions that violate the priority course of events or begin to think about changes due to frequent comments from others for the sake of development self or the convenience of the immediate environment. However, we change character only as a result of new experience gained or with the use of tremendous volitional efforts. In addition, the requirement to change their characterological characteristics, without specifying the details that require changes and in which direction, can give an absolutely unexpected result due to the fact that the worldview of different people is very different. So, when asking your friend to improve his character, you may expect to add assertive traits and perseverance, while he thinks about bringing tolerance and even more gentleness.
Can a person change his character?
For a certain time it was believed that it was impossible to change the character, tk. it is congenital, but the genetic conditionality of traits is less than ten percent of the entire totality of characterological manifestations. What cannot be changed is because it directly reflects the strength and organization of the nervous system, which are exclusively biologically determined indicators. For the most part, the character is formed and changed by interests, which are also not static over the course of life (in childhood, preference is caused by completely different types of activity than in adulthood, and the character changes accordingly).
The next factor that makes up the character is the social circle, it is those with whom we spend most of the time or those who are of great emotional importance to us that influence our reactions and their changes, preferences in the time spent and tastes. But these are factors that are amenable to the influence of a person, through which he can change his characterological traits, albeit not all, but there are also factors that are not subject to influence (at least in childhood, at the stage of personality formation) - the environment (this includes not so much geographic data, how much mentality and its features that affect the formation of values and interests) and upbringing (by their own example or models of interaction, parents and the school instill or destroy certain traits, thereby forming a character warehouse).
The question of an independent change of character, also in the chosen direction, equally deserves two opposite answers: yes, it is possible, since character is not a static indicator laid down genetically, and no, it is impossible, since we change character not under the influence of conscious factors, but with the presence of the corresponding changes in the internal or external environment. But, nevertheless, people try to change their character, guided by willpower, and are faced with failure, because for such serious personal changes there are few in front of anyone. Usually you want to become a little different under the influence of a temporary impulse (your beloved abandoned, your boss got naughty, etc.), and when life returns to normal, the desire to change also disappears. This indicates a lack of motivation or willpower, constraints or hidden needs, since in reality the character is subject to change. Developing from habits and typical ways of responding and thinking, succumbing to the influence of the surrounding society, education and the activities performed, the character changes when these indicators change.
The character changes independently with age (under the influence of life experience), depending on the situation (the most modest quiet man, when danger approaches, will begin to act actively and attract attention) and from the environment (in different countries and with different people we show our different features). And if by a change in character we understand a person's ability to react in a necessary situation in a different way from his usual one, then such changes are possible, and easily carried out by each of us, except in cases of pathological changes.
If the question is raised whether it is possible to change the character as a systemic rather than situational quality and change your response not only in a specific situation, but to change the whole style of life, then such transformations are quite difficult. This does not deny the possibility for everyone, but the real facts of a complete change in the style of life response happened quite rarely, since it requires a reshaping of the entire internal structure of a person.
The character represents a set of habits not only of a materialistic and everyday plan, but also of ways of reacting, respectively, the more a person is able to change the number of habits, the greater changes in character are available to him. The ability to make such changes is lost over the years, therefore, at a young age, it is so easy to get used to new people and new places, and in the elderly it is difficult to interact in unusual forms, since it is difficult to change your usual stereotypical reactions. Characterological can be an innate quality, so someone will unconsciously change and adapt to conditions, remaining flexible and adaptive throughout their life (such people do not have problems with changing character), and someone carries their beliefs throughout life and its various events, not moving from their place in their moral concepts.
Changing character, as a way of interacting with reality, remains possible and not always difficult, but requires awareness. Understanding why you need to change (for the sake of qualitative changes in your life or for the convenience of others who express dissatisfaction with your complex character), adequate yourself (assessment of the degree of development and the presence of certain qualities) and goal setting (in which direction to change and to what degree of manifestation) help to choose the right ways to achieve and not give up the venture in half.
How to change your character for the better
Changes for the better in different people can mean opposite things - someone lacks rigidity, and someone lacks tolerance, someone is trying to learn to listen to others, and another is actually learning to refuse. Therefore, before embarking on changes in your character, you need to analyze the already existing qualities, criticize the need for their change. You can make lists of your strengths and weaknesses, and then make such lists from the point of view of the people around you. Only after analyzing the situation can you start making changes, because it may come out that what your employees dislike actually makes you an effective employee and does not allow them to throw off work on you, or what you thought was confidence would seriously injure all your loved ones.
Literature and films, thematic meetings and psychological consultations can help in the analysis of your personality - at all such events you get the opportunity to think, analyze the behavior of other people, take something as an example or see the consequences of such tactics of behavior. Deep works not only force us to look at the world differently, but lay in our inner world the experience of another interaction, if there are enough such variations of behavior in the inner picture of the world and, moreover, they are all internalized, then the freedom to choose your character will remain with you, and there will be represent an easy process.
The analysis carried out should form two images - you at the moment and you in the future. Regarding the first, you should stop deceiving and justifying yourself, but honestly admit the presence of those qualities that exist (“I often break off on my neighbors, but I give generous gifts” reformulate in “I often break off on others, this is a fact, I am capable of generosity, this is also a fact "). Regarding the desired image, it is worth finding people or characters who can be equal in this matter. Take a closer look at the people whose character you like, whether all the traits suit you, whether the lifestyle they lead and other details suit you. After careful study, it may turn out that you only like one feature in everything, and the entire accompanying lifestyle does not critically suit you, then it is worthwhile to reconsider where you are striving.
When choosing examples of character, be guided by your own feelings, since there is no list of the best or worst qualities - what makes your life happier and more successful, fuller, more successful is your personal improvement, even if others consider it negative. In the same way, praising certain attitudes and views will not necessarily improve your character, if after that you will become more nervous, more tired, and develop insincere relationships. The first thing that comes in handy on the road to any change is gain. It is important in order to move from the usual model of reaction and interaction to a new one - take a break to think about your reaction, then an act in a new or old way will be your choice and it means that such behavior corresponds to the situation or you decided to leave this trait. Hot temper with such pauses can be replaced by ironic remarks, quick consent to help at the expense of oneself with polite refusals.
If a person himself does not notice the harm caused by his character to others, existing relationships and his life in general, then friends and acquaintances can help, forcing their questions to think about what is happening - it is important to ask questions about the motivation for action, and not demand changes in an ultimatum. If a person does not give in to influence, then perhaps the help of a psychotherapist is already needed, since a complex nature often hides the traumatization of the personality and without appropriate study of the sick moments, changes are unsafe. The help of specialists is also needed when the changes have become pathological and it is necessary to correct at least the affective sphere with medication.
How to change your character to a tougher one
One of the misconceptions about desirable character adjustments is that change for the better is perceived as an increase in both tolerance, loyalty and gentleness. But the problem is that such characters are very comfortable for others, presenting a problem for the person himself. it is considered better, but people with such a warehouse take on too many other people's problems, forgetting about their own needs, which ends up with a lack of energy to resolve their own issues.
If there are fewer and fewer of you in your life, and thoughts are constantly busy solving other people's problems, then you should add some rigidity to your character. Take a closer look at people or characters who are capable of being tough, but who remain kind and fair, observe how they act in difficult situations, which guides them when making a choice. Among your acquaintances, as well as the heroes of the books, there will definitely be those from whom you can borrow a couple of techniques for defending your position with correct methods. Basically it comes down to being able to refuse, guilt-free, prioritizing so that your life and morale don't suffer. Many people continue to eat up all your time, because you yourself have not endowed it with sufficient value, if you make it clear that your weekend is devoted to relaxation, and you will not exchange an evening with your family for work and the good attitude of colleagues - then respect for you will begin to show stronger. and the number of requests that interfere with life will decrease.
Learn to express your opinion, not to adjust it to a superior, significant person or the majority, but to voice your own point of view, which you may have to defend. Make independent decisions and be responsible for them, accept criticism, but do not let it change your opinion instantly. The development of your manifestations strengthens character, trains personal responsibility and promotes personality maturity. Just as you stop justifying yourself and pushing that successes, that failures on others, also stop justifying others. Of course, a tsunami can demolish your office and hailstones prevent you from arriving on time, but that cannot justify a month's worth of inactivity or the absence of a warning call. Strictness towards oneself and others, in details and large-scale events, is what adds rigidity. At first, this will require a strain of attention and will in order not to give indulgences, but over time you get used to living according to new laws, where there is no descent not only for you, but also for others, acquiring a new, more rigid character. If such manifestations are one-sided, then you will turn either into a tyrant or into one driven by your responsibility. Only a clear separation and retention of the framework of your and someone else's responsibility will help maintain a balance.
If you believe that the character you have is your flaw, then you can certainly try to change it. You will be able to do this only if you really put in a lot of effort, because the character is formed over the years, from early childhood. It is possible that at best, you will only learn to hide some of the unsightly sides of your character, but there are situations when this is enough. Take action and then you will definitely achieve positive results.
Change bad habits for good ones
Surely you understand that habits have a significant impact on our lives. If you want to acquire good habits, then the first time, for sure, you have to stimulate yourself. How to do it? For example, let's say you're determined to go for a run tomorrow morning. In this case, prepare your running clothes and a backpack in the evening. It is important to do this exactly in advance, when you are still full of motivation to act. Having things cooked in the morning will greatly increase your chances of actually exercising, and in some cases, breaking bad habits will require you to permanently, or at least temporarily, change the environment that promotes those habits. The negative experience that you get from communicating with "inappropriate" people later becomes a bad habit. For example, if you notice that you most often drink or smoke in the company of a certain person, then your meetings should be drastically shortened. You can also learn good things in a good environment - sign up for a sports section, an interesting workshop, etc. Try to limit access to bad habits. For example, if you spend a lot of time watching TV, then remove the batteries from the remote control beforehand, placing them at a considerable distance from you. Do you want to quit smoking? Get rid of all cigarettes, matches, lighters in the house periodically. Subsequently, in order to do what you would like to get out of the habit, you have to put in additional efforts. In the cases mentioned - constantly get up to change the channel or get dressed and go to the store.Make the character more rigid
Do you think that you are a rather weak-willed person? If so, you can make your character stronger by following some simple guidelines. First of all, no matter how difficult it is, it is necessary to reject all advice that does not correspond to what you have already internally decided for yourself. Each person is guided by his own interests, and sometimes this happens unconsciously. That is why you should not force anyone to do what you want, however, do not let others impose their opinions on you. Find the right path for yourself and follow it. It is also very important to learn how to manage your own emotions, suppress them in yourself if necessary. Your daily actions and decisions should depend only on common sense, and not be performed under the influence of emotions. It is often difficult to adhere to this position, but if you put in the effort, you will succeed. If a situation has happened that causes a flurry of emotions in you, find an opportunity to interrupt the conversation, shut up, mentally count to ten, and only then continue the dialogue. If this is possible, then get out of the situation without words at all, giving yourself time to think it over.
Become a self-confident and purposeful person
So what is self-confidence? First of all, of course, it is a firm belief in yourself. To achieve it, you must completely abandon the habit of comparing yourself to someone, and realize that you are a unique person, which no longer exists on Earth. If you constantly compare yourself with someone, you will always be a loser, because you will invariably find those who, according to some criteria, will seem better to you. Also, stop constantly criticizing yourself - it is difficult to be a confident person if you have a negative perception. It’s just as important not to focus on what’s in the past. You don't need to waste your time and energy thinking about what is no longer in your life. Do you understand that there is no point in this? Such thoughts only distract you from the present and the future. If you think that you lack determination, then at the moment when something needs to be done, visualize the result. Imagine what will happen when you do the necessary work - you will receive some kind of payment for it, and so on. When doing something, do not be distracted by extraneous activities, even if it is very difficult for you. Force yourself to finish the work you have begun by promising yourself some kind of reward after completing the task - we can talk about some kind of goodies or a more significant purchase. Imagine the relief you will feel when the job is finally done.Improve character traits, for the sake of a loved one
Often we think about how to change our character precisely because of loved ones. Of course, when we understand that some of our features bring frustration and grief to a dear person, most of us want to fix it. If you understand that some trait of your character spoils your relationship with someone close, and at the same time you realize that this is a problem for you personally, then, of course, it makes sense to think about how to get rid of disadvantage. We can talk about excessive touchiness, irascibility, jealousy, and so on. If you notice something like this behind yourself, then try to control it.
What is temperament and how does it differ from character
Before understanding the difference between character and temperament, let's define these two concepts. Temperament- a set of a number of properties of the human psyche that affect his activities and behavioral habits. The nervous system is responsible for temperament, and its sensitivity affects events, memory, and the pace of human activity. Character- a certain set of human qualities that manifest themselves in interaction with the outside world. Like temperament, it has a connection with the psyche, but it is not given from birth, but is formed under the influence of various factors. The character is influenced by the social environment, upbringing, environment, and so on. It is worth noting that temperaments can be divided into certain types: sanguine, melancholic, choleric, phlegmatic. Often people have a mixed type of temperament, but still let's try to consider them separately.- Choleric- the most unbalanced of all types. Easily excitable, quick-tempered. However, it can perform well in emergencies when speed of reaction is required. Sanguine- easy to communicate, benevolent, has a quick reaction. If there is interest, he is efficient, if not, he is lazy. Melancholic- is characterized by increased anxiety. At the same time, he is very thoughtful, often erudite. Impressive. Phlegmatic person- the most calm type. Outwardly, he is not inclined to show emotions, he is distinguished by equanimity. The work can be done slowly, but diligently.
Is it possible to change temperament and how to do it
Psychologists tend to believe that temperament is given to us at birth, and it is impossible to completely change it, unlike character. Nevertheless, we note that some features can still be developed or slightly corrected. For example, if you are choleric and want to become more balanced, then learn to keep your emotions in check. The most popular advice in this case: at the moment when you feel that you are "on the edge", count to yourself from one to ten. In general, in order to change one or another trait of temperament in yourself, you need to go through certain exercises, choosing those that you consider necessary for yourself.Becoming a different person in 1 day - is it real
Unfortunately, it is unrealistic to become a completely different person in one day. The maximum that you can do during this period is to radically change your image, and look different, and not the way others are used to seeing you. Well, in this case, it is important to understand that, most likely, the changes will be very superficial, because in order, for example, to change the features of the figure, it will take some time. Nevertheless, you can do a lot in a day too - at least one very important thing that will set the vector for big changes. During the day, you can outline a plan of action, realize how you want to see yourself, for example, in a month or two. Describe this person on a piece of paper. After that, write what you need to do every day to achieve this result. To summarize: only superficial internal and external changes are possible during the day. For major changes, you need a certain amount of time, the duration of which depends specifically on your ultimate goal. Also, in a day, you can fully think over an action plan that will help you achieve what you want.
Bad character can be corrected if desired.
With the right amount of diligence, of course, you can change certain traits of your bad character, but it is worth realizing that this is not done in a day or two - it will take a lot of practice. It is also important to understand what kind of character you want to have in the end - if you don’t think about it, it will be foolish to wait for significant changes. Take a couple of hours to imagine (on paper) what kind of character you need, and only then you can outline a further plan of action. this, then the whole plan is doomed to failure. Dedicate some time to self-development. At first, you will probably feel insecure and fearful, but overpower yourself and continue your plan - this is the only way you can achieve success.
Human psychology: is it possible to change the character in 30 years
Perhaps it is difficult to argue with the fact that a person can become better at any age. Of course, if he really wants it! If by the age of thirty you have come to the conclusion that certain traits of your character give you inconvenience and not in the best way, affect your life, then you may well correct the situation! To change your personality you need to work on yourself. Changes in any personality involve a lot of internal work, but it is certainly worth it. As you work on yourself, try to imagine yourself gardeners caring for their garden. When he wants flowers to be fragrant on his land, he gets rid of the weeds. In our case, flowers are inner strength, and weeds are weak thoughts that undermine our strength, which means that first of all you should get rid of excessive emotionality - emotions should only be given their true significance. Noticing that you are tormented by some obsessive and unpleasant emotion, immediately "switch" yourself to something else - distract yourself for half an hour or an hour. Over time, you will learn to deal with these weaknesses. Also remember that honesty in everything is a support for a strong character, so be a man of your word and try not to lie - not to yourself or anyone else. Find a role model or just be yourself If it is still difficult for you to decide what exactly you want to achieve, what kind of person you would like to be, then you can find an example to follow. We have already mentioned that you should not compare yourself with anyone, but in this case you should still find yourself some kind of reference point. For example, think about which of your acquaintances inspires admiration or respect in you, and what traits of his character contributed to this. After that, think about how this person manages to be just like that, and how you yourself could come to this. If over time you realize that you are not able to adopt the necessary character trait, find the positive aspects of yourself, and try to strengthen them. Introspection is a step towards a new self It may be difficult for you to fully determine your desires and talents and desires. In this situation, detailed introspection can help you. In general, almost all psychological tests are based precisely on introspection - according to the answer options, you can make a rough idea about a person. However, you can easily do without tests or psychologists, and independently analyze your personality. It would be nice to fill out a diary, which would be regularly filled with new events from everyday life, as well as an analysis of your actions. Of course, you should write frankly, thinking that only this will help you understand the essence of your actions, open your inner world, and realize the true motivation of some actions. If you have never kept a diary before, and it is not easy for you to start doing this, then try writing a detailed biography about yourself - try to remember your most serious shocks and important events, starting from childhood. Try to "relive" these events anew - for sure, you will be able to notice in yourself something that you have not paid attention to before. While introspection, think carefully about what kind of people are in your environment - this is your "mirror". Reflect on why you enjoy spending time with certain people, what you find most attractive about them. So you will understand what your needs they "cover", and, accordingly, what needs you have in general. If in some people from your environment you see qualities that you would like to have yourself, often visit their society, and you will not notice how you start to adopt their features. In general, the same can be said about people who do not like you - if you are forced to constantly contact them, then later you can unwittingly become like them yourself. Down with complexes and fears Develop the habit of acting in spite of fear. Realize that fear is simply a common reaction that occurs when you try to take steps that are unusual for you. Also learn to make decisions, because they are the ones that make us fight fear, and still get down to business. By seriously attuning yourself to something, you will feel how your fear weakens, because it can only be where there is uncertainty. Give yourself a mental attitude: “Despite the fact that I am afraid, I make the decision to do it.” Of course, indecision and fear are big obstacles to success. Try not to allow any prejudices in your life that are based only on someone's superficial observations. Be guided only by facts that are based only on common sense. Only by overcoming your fear will you be able to gain the strength of character that allows you to quickly, confidently and independently make the right decisions.We often hear that the notorious "leaving the comfort zone" is necessary in order to really change something in life. Sometimes this is true, but this principle does not work with eating behavior. Our body perceives a strict dietary restriction as a threat to life and begins to resist with all its might. You can rest assured that the desire to live (in other words, to eat) will prevail.
Changing eating behavior must be approached consciously, be ready to really change, study yourself and move towards the intended goal in stages and in your own rhythm. So what do you need to do to change attitudes towards food?
1. Study the features of your eating behavior. People who want to lose weight have a lot in common, but the reasons and characteristics that led to overeating and weight gain are different. It is important to understand what you need to pay attention to.
2. Find an additional resource. Food is one of the most powerful emotional resources. But there are other ways to get pleasure and be “filled”. To perpetuate dietary changes, you need to find the sources of these pleasures. And mentally prepare yourself for the fact that these "substitutes" will not immediately become for you as simple, trouble-free and psychologically effective as food.
3. Choose the correct technology. Strict diets are not suitable for anyone. The correct technology takes into account your individual characteristics. Its essence is in the balance of small restrictions and freedom of choice.
4. Develop food awareness. This does not mean that you gather willpower and refuse the cake at your own birthday. Mindfulness means being involved, enjoying food. You need to learn to hear your body and understand what and when you really want to eat.
An online course that will help you master comfortable weight loss in practice opens our new project - "Online School Psychologies"... This is not learning according to the principle "this is correct, but this is not." We will teach you how to help yourself on your own.
Online School Psychologies will begin work with a burning topic: how to lose weight without the usual strict restrictions and at the same time maintain the result. We invited Anastasia Tomilova, an expert in the field of eating behavior correction, the author of many effective weight loss techniques, a psychologist, and a candidate of psychological sciences, who created a course "When food is your friend" especially for our online school.
Psychologies Online Course: "When Food Is Your Friend"
Especially for the readers of Psychologies, Anastasia Tomilova, an expert in the field of eating psychology and overweight correction with more than 15 years of practical work, will conduct a 4-week online course "Eating Consciously: When Food Is Your Friend." You will learn how to build a relationship with food, create a delicious menu, understand how to stop overeating and get rid of exhausting diets. The program starts on January 16. Detailed information and registration on the link.