How to be a happy wife: a guide to a successful family. Trying out new statuses
Authentic secrets of family happiness excite all modern couples. Divorce statistics are depressing and sad. And at the sight of elderly couples, carefully adjusting each other's clothes in the park, the heart shrinks.
Stories that tell about non-trivial life-long love are an ideal worthy of emulation. But how to get closer to this ideal, if they are becoming more and more frequent, and mutual understanding and feelings are fading before our eyes? How to return love and peace to the family, we will understand in this article.
Have you decided on a divorce? Perhaps you shouldn't rush. After all, when you learn the secrets of family happiness, and put the following recommendations into practice, the decision to destroy a marriage may seem completely absurd to you.
Secrets of family happiness for wives
The secrets of a happy family life in reality are not something secret. Your grandmother can tell you these postulates if she lived a rich and full life with her husband. Any family psychologist will tell you the same information. But it depends on your ability to use, and not just hear it, whether you will improve relationships in the family or they will continue to slowly fade away.
These are the standard questions of any couple who are faced with problems in a relationship: “Why did the cooling come between us?”, “How to stop quarreling?”, “I am everything to him, and he ...”.
The 3 Major Destroying Factors in a Relationship
Lack of mutual respect.
If we begin to perceive a husband as an attachment to family life, forgetting about his unique personality, then this neglect splits the boat of family happiness. “Not such a secret!” - you will say, but this is the essence of any secret of family happiness - in simplicity and banality, which we prefer not to notice. Remember why you married him: isn't he the best? Didn't you want to run to him after school / work? It's time to activate those memories. Before accusing him of another misconduct, remember that he is the best for you. And decide how to proceed.
Comparison with others.
The wife, who began to compare her man with other representatives of his sex, lays the foundation for male adultery with her own hands. Her interest in the direction of her husband decreases, he feels cool and is not always emotionally able to deal with the deterioration of relations, preferring to get rid of the negative factor. Your boss, friend, work colleague can be as good as you like, but you did not choose them as your life partners. Praise and compare are two different things. Never, in any situation, even with good intentions, try to tell your husband that someone is better than him. This is the jump to divorce.
different social interests.
Opposites attract. But then, for some reason, these opposites forget that passion will fade with time, and they will have to live and act as different as they are now. Therefore, you have only 2 options: accept your husband, no matter how opposite his views on the world may be, or let go, but do it once and for all. If you are driven by love, and not, then there can be no talk of the second option, and you can return love and peace to the family, you just need to work a little on your ability to perceive people as they are.
Deal with the reasons for the destruction of relationships. Working on them is important for every couple, no matter how often they quarrel. Forewarned is forearmed. And worked out the mistakes - that means they got rid of them. Now it's time to open those most valuable secrets of family life.
Find something to thank your husband for.
When was the last time you said “thank you” to him for doing homework? “He should do it anyway!” you say? You shouldn't, just as you shouldn't stand at the stove for hours. But if such a distribution of responsibilities has occurred in your family, this is not a reason to deprive each other of the opportunity to receive gratitude. To do this, you can even start a gratitude diary, where you will write down any reason for which you thanked your spouse. It doesn’t matter if he opened the door in front of you in the entrance, or warmed up the car for you in the cold, the word “thank you” should appear in your arsenal. The most common secret of family happiness is to be affectionate with your spouse.
Manage the household with your husband.
The same goes for raising children. You can’t take everything on your shoulders, pushing your husband into the background. Of course, you know better how to make everything better, but living together is not called that for nothing, only together you can build strong relationships. Do not trust him to wash the floor, because there will be stains? Or will he not cook the soup properly? Then instruct him to work with the child while you clean up. Or let him cut vegetables for a salad. Only you know how to turn ordinary household chores into family leisure! Even cleaning windows, if desired, can be turned from a routine into a small family holiday. And if the husband himself is against participation, for example, in cooking, say that you cook yourself, but you want to do it in his company. It is possible that in a couple of minutes the knife and cutting board will be under his control!
Spend time together.
Finish all your daily tasks on Friday, and devote Saturday to each other. And give yourself the installation that nothing will change this rule. Touch your husband more often, exchange compliments, say pleasant little things to each other for no reason. Ask him how things are at work. And even if you don’t understand anything about mechanical engineering or IT technologies and don’t know who Semyon Aleksandrovich or Lyubov Ivanovna is, try to listen to the whole story. Aerobatics - with clarifying questions. It is also important for a man to speak out, although he does it infrequently. And to see interest in the eyes of a woman is a inherent masculine quality that stimulates new achievements.
Leave each of you personal space.
Any person needs to be alone with himself, this time must be allocated specially, and not to pull her husband over trifles at such moments. We were together yesterday and everything went perfect - perfect! And today he came gloomy from work and silently sat on the sofa? Do not bother asking what happened, do not call to cook dinner, let him stay in his thoughts. The secret of family happiness is to understand the moment and act in accordance with it.
To improve relations in the family, it does not require excessive work on yourself and a radical transformation of your husband, start with small steps towards family happiness.
Make breakfast not just a meal, but a little surprise. Invite your husband on a date (yes, don't wait on him, but take the initiative first). Hug and thank him for those little things that he already “should” do: washed the dishes - “thank you, darling”, fixed the table - “you are the best” and all in the same vein! Sometimes it is difficult to adjust from a relationship that has become ordinary and gray to such changes, but gradually increasing your personal space (yours and your husband) and drawing closer spiritually, you will raise your relationship to a radically new level.
Your family happiness no one will forge for you
All relationship problems in modern couples arise for various reasons. Someone toils from lack of money, someone has destructive traits in their character, such as excessive hysteria, and for someone marriage issues become difficult due to pathological infidelity. But whatever the problems of married couples, if at least one of the spouses really wants to return love to the family, he will do it.
How to return love to the family? ? It is enough, more often to put yourself in the place of a partner, to try to understand the reasons for his behavior. Also, do not accumulate resentment, it is better to clarify the situation as soon as it is ripe. An important place for any couple is occupied by their romantic leisure, which, by the way, is not organized by itself, it must be done with effort. Then the main problem of modern relationships, called divorce, will never affect your family. Be happy, but remember, we build happiness only with our own hands!
Today I wanted to talk about a very important issue - the happiness of a woman or how the happiness of a family depends on the state of a woman.
I can say with confidence that the happier the woman, the better the internal emotional state of the family. We can say that a happy wife is a happy family.
After all, I have written more than once that the well-being, abundance and comfort of the family depends directly on. After all, it is to her, she gives strength to achieve her husband. If it is not enough, the husband begins to look to the left, he subconsciously looks for a source of energy and love. After all, the more dissatisfied a woman is with herself, the less she can give something to her family.
An ideal picture of a family (of course, this does not always happen and not for everyone, but this must be strived for), a man provides for his family, gives everything his family needs, he draws strength and energy from his wife, who loves herself and her husband, children . She is satisfied with herself and her world, thus she does not waste her energy on fighting with herself and does not scold her life, but directs it to a “peaceful channel” - the comfort of all family members and comfort in the house. A man, knowing that everything is fine in his house, his children and his wife are happy, can thereby spend his strength on achieving more serious goals. But the condition of a woman contributes to all this.
So it turns out that if a wife is not happy with something, constantly nags her husband, is not happy with herself, scolds her children, thereby she wastes her energy, directing the energy of all family members to destruction and also spends on swearing and worries.
So, my dear women, first of all, you need to take care of your state of mind, of course, you can say that this is selfishness, but I will argue with you. After all, if you are unhappy, it will affect all family members, and in a negative way. And if you are beautiful and happy, then I think your loved ones will receive a lot in the form of your love and care.
Of course, I understand that every family has a different situation and sometimes it is very difficult to find a happy state in yourself, because there are so many worries and problems, but taking care of yourself should be your very first duty, first a duty, and then a pleasant habit.
And then self-love will not be selfishness, but care for the family. After all, what can a wife give, wrapped up, tired and angry from overwork? Nothing but problems. So we think about it more often, and remember our loved ones.
Daily care for your beauty, 30 minutes of meditation in the morning or evening, several times a week doing sports or yoga at home or in the gym (for example, I do yoga on video - recordings at home, and the child is engaged with me and I, and we don’t spend the family budget , everyone is better for it), 30 minutes of solitude in the evening (bubble or salt bath or just reading your favorite book is just time for yourself). I think it is possible for all women, the main desire.
And the result is you are much happier, thus much more you can offer your family.
So I am for the fact that a happy wife is a happy family.
What do you think? Your opinion is very interesting.
In family life, sometimes it is very difficult to get your request fulfilled. And so quarrels break out. The creation of a family, life in a family is the greatest happiness on Earth.
The family can calm down, and only here a person feels calm and relaxed. Love and kindness should reign in the family. Children learn to love by looking at their parents. Parents are the best example for them. Nature has laid in every person an innate need for love. From birth, a person seeks and needs this love.
And an adult, because of the need for this feeling, creates his own family. You need to know that love needs to be cultivated in the family. The rapprochement of two people occurs because of love. And it does not last long, and what happens after falling in love, no one thinks.
Many people think about breaking up that this will never happen to them. But you need to know that if a family is built on the basis of passion, then it will fall apart. Almost every family has a child. And he, like all members of the seven, needs love and attention. The child is able to feel the slightest negative feelings, tension in relations between spouses. Because of this, he feels lonely and deeply unhappy.
Happiness should be given not only to a spouse, but also to a child, relatives, acquaintances, friends. Without the sharing of love, there will be no love in the family. The more you give it away, the more willingly and in large quantities it comes back. No need to be greedy for feelings. If you hide them deep in yourself, then the family will be unhappy.
How should a wife behave?
A woman is the center of attention and love. It is the fair sex that can create comfort and warmth in the family for each family member. A man does not like when regular lectures and morals are read to him. He has already been taught by life, and then there is his wife, who constantly demands something. Do not talk to your husband in a rude tone. Believe me, they do not like it, and happiness in the family with communication in a rude tone will not be preserved.
A woman is like a sorceress, she is able to create comfort even in a camping house. A man after work, as usual, comes home from work exhausted. He needs time to switch to a family, a wife, a house. Leave it on for at least fifteen minutes. And after a short rest, you can start asking questions. It’s better to start with the question: “How was your day?” According to the husband's answer, it will be clear what emotional state he is in. It happens that a husband does not get some things.
For example, hang a shelf. Do not scold your husband for an unsuccessful attempt. He will learn by himself gradually without unnecessary nerves and reproaches. You need to choose an affectionate tone in communication. A man will always be proud that his woman is not only a good wife, but also a wonderful mother. Therefore, it is so important not to swear with children, but to educate them calmly.
Every man loves a woman with his eyes, so a woman needs to take care of her beauty and her inner world.
A man in relation to his wife is obliged to take into account her opinion, help around the house when she wants to relax and be alone. It is very important to understand each other. It is necessary to come up with family traditions, thanks to which the family will draw closer and build trusting relationships.
Proper behavior for a wife includes the following:
- Willingness to always listen to her husband.
- Ability to create home comfort.
- The desire to do what you love.
- Give a man a break from everyday worries.
How to behave to the husband?
Today, conservative views on the family are no longer in vogue. The husband lost his dominance over his wife. He lost the status of the main breadwinner in the family. Sometimes a woman gets twice as much as her husband.
A man begins to fade into the background, does not decide anything, does not have the right to vote. The impoverishment of the male essence occurs. But this is all wrong. Happiness in the family also depends on the role of the man in the family. He should be the main one. And the responsibility should be greater on him, and not on his wife.
It is very difficult for the fair sex to play the role of leader in the family. Still, she has a sensitive and emotional nature. She needs to take care of herself, let the little ones, think for a man - how to feed her family.
If there is no harmony between a man and a woman in a family, then there will be no happy life. A man is simply obliged to be a man in the family. He is the head of the family, it is his direct duty to provide for the household.
Many girls When they get married, they draw pictures of a beautiful life in their imagination like this: after a few years of marriage, the husband will make a career or create a business, they will have children, the husband will carry her in his arms and be grateful to her all his life. But in reality it turns out differently. After a few months of living together, the wife begins to complain that the husband turned out to be greedy, is not at all interested in her life and she does not even have the desire to talk to him. The "weather" in the house deteriorates many times over if a child is born in the family. After all, the birth of a child strengthens the family only when love and mutual understanding reign between the spouses. Where there are no deep feelings, the child will not be able to save from divorce. With the birth of a child in such families, relations are aggravated even more.
Before consider the problem of strengthening the family, I want to tell you a Polish parable: "In a small town there lived a teacher - an old sage. Once he saw his student catch a lot of fish, cook it and now eat it with appetite. The sage asked his student:" Why did you impose so many fish in the plate?" He replied, "I love fish!" The teacher shook his head and said, "If you loved fish, you would leave it in the water. And then I see you love yourself and your belly. There is no need to talk about love for fish when you are pleased to eat it. "This is the problem of relationships in many families. The love that many spouses are talking about is not love at all. More precisely, love, but not for a spouse, but for oneself True, faithful and eternal love for yourself.Often this love knows no boundaries and becomes the cause of the collapse of the family.
From the birth the girl dreams of marrying a "prince" who will provide her with a happy and rich life. And she represents all of this. In fact, marriage with such an attitude towards family life is doomed in advance, because it is like a trade agreement: I to you - you to me. The one who truly loves every minute thinks only about how to make his spouse happy. It doesn't matter to him whether he is a "prince" or an ordinary person. The main thing is that he began to live better next to her.
We are not re going accuse all girls of selfishness and inability to love. No one has taught them to think differently since childhood. Everyone around them talked about love, but no one explained how it should manifest itself. So the girls take "love for fish" for real feelings, and after marriage, the romantic veil quickly falls from their eyes and bitter disappointment comes. The retribution for this mistake is a long family life, when two people who are strangers to each other are forced to live under the same roof. The only way out of this impasse is by filing for divorce, which many spouses do not dare to do so as not to cause severe injury to the child or because of the fear of losing what they have gained over the years of marriage.
Family- it's a lot of work. Therefore, you need to marry the person whom you are ready to accept as he is and during your life together try to make him better. Only the one in whom we invest strength and effort becomes dearer and more beloved to us every day. There is no need to prove this truth. After all, every mother loves her children no matter what, even if they give her a lot of trouble and trouble. Therefore, in order to truly love your husband, you need to start taking care of him. Certainly not in the sense of wiping his nose and changing his pants like a child. Just understand him, imagine him as your "child", start investing your strength, knowledge and means so that he achieves success. Each person loves, first of all, himself, and only those who are the creation of our hands or the result of our labor become dear and beloved to us, because they merge with us and become part of us.
Only sacrificing herself for the sake of a beloved man, a woman experiences feelings of affection, devotion and respect for him. Only these feelings can give a sense of joy in family life. This is how wives treat their husbands in real families, where spouses live happily ever after. They enjoy the fact that her husband enjoys her attention and care for him. Happy in marriage are those women who know how to give more than they take.
Of course here each a woman has the right to be indignant and say: “Let’s say, from tomorrow I will take on all household duties - I will cook delicious food every day, keep the house clean and tidy, take care of the child, buy groceries, pay rent, wash, iron and still walk to work. I will give and give, but what in return?". But your goal should now be formulated a little differently. After all, the desire to get something in return is also consumption. Learn to give just to please yourself. Look at your husband from the other side, remember why you liked him before the wedding? Then build communication with him, taking into account those positive traits of his character, for which you chose him as your life partner. Try to develop these positive features and then those shortcomings that annoy you now will become invisible. The husband will definitely feel how you have changed for the better and this will certainly affect not only relations with him, but also in his desire to take better care of the family and make your life happy.
Not worth it forget that every man creates a family, hoping that his wife will surround him with love and attention, and in order to bring their hope to life, not so much is needed.
Overcome laziness and start working on a par with her husband. No need to wait for someone to provide you with a decent life, look for ways out of this situation yourself and offer your husband ideas that will help him achieve good success. If you think that you are only a weak and helpless woman, then you should not demand from your husband that he "conquer the heights" and provide for the family better.
The formula of family happiness is perhaps one of the most complex life formulas. A successful marriage is what most of us strive for. And something that many never manage to create. Divorces, divorces, divorces ... Unhappy spouses, children deprived of the attention of one of the parents, loneliness, firmly settled in the house. All this can be found at every step. But marriages are created with the hope of a long and happy life together! Why does it work for some and not for others? What are the secrets of family happiness and do they exist at all?
Exist. And now we will try to find out what these secrets are.
What determines family happiness?
What is the main secret of family happiness? If you look at the relationship of happy couples more closely, you can see something in common in them. Firstly, spouses in such couples simply do not exist without each other. In such families there is no separate “I”, but there is an inextricably linked “we”. Secondly, in successful marriages, the husband and wife communicate a lot with each other. They discuss joint plans, problems, relationships with friends and relatives, the difficulties of professional activities, and so on. Thirdly, in strong families there is trust, thanks to which the partners are as frank as possible with each other. They tell each other even about what someone else is ashamed to talk about. And they know how to forgive their life partners, not criticizing their actions, but gently advising. And, finally, in happy families they do not stir up the past, remembering only the good.
Why it so happened that one person became a real half of another is difficult to determine exactly. However, there are several conditions under which the likelihood of a successful marriage increases significantly. These include:
- Love and respect
It must be admitted that not all marriages are created on the basis of lasting love. A superficial feeling of falling in love can quickly disappear, leaving a void in its place. Therefore, if we have already decided to create a family, we must learn to transform falling in love into love. And try to respect your soul mate. It happens that in a family only one of the spouses sincerely and deeply loves. Others simply allow themselves to be loved. This is where respect for your life partner is especially important. On its basis, an immense attachment to a loving partner can develop, which can eventually turn into love;
- The ability to accept another person for who they are
We all have advantages and disadvantages. This is the integrity of human nature, its individuality and, in fact, its attractiveness. Trying to remake your soul mate is a thankless task. Yes, and meaningless, because disadvantages and advantages are relative concepts. Each person decides for himself what suits him in another and what does not. The opinion of others should not be the main thing in this matter and cannot be a reason for persistent attempts to change a life partner;
- Trust and openness
In happy families, spouses are not afraid to confess to each other the most intimate. Being confident that they will be understood, they openly show their feelings. This allows you to exclude suspicion from the relationship and have no doubt that in a difficult situation the partner will support and not betray;
- joint business
A joint business may be the desire to purchase furniture, a car, housing, decorating an apartment, cleaning, cooking dinner ... The main thing is that the spouses enjoy it and be in solidarity in their decisions. In addition, it is important that they share responsibility for the consequences of any actions. And, if troubles arose, they did not blame each other, but tried to cope with them together;
- Lack of competition
In happy families, husband and wife do not compete with each other either in everyday life or in professional matters. They sincerely rejoice in the achievements of their soul mate and do not find out which of them is more talented or luckier;
- Ability to constructively resolve conflicts
Not a single even the most prosperous family can do without quarrels. However, in strong marriages, conflicts have boundaries. Partners do not allow themselves to humiliate and insult each other, and even more so they do not throw everything that comes to hand. Each of them intuitively knows when to stop. And if the insults were nevertheless blurted out in the heat of a quarrel, the spouses know how to forgive them;
- Mutual sense of humor
Especially by the way it is in the brewing conflict. When two people have the ability to make a joke and laugh at the situation together, their relationship can be considered healthy and their marriage strong. If not, it's time to sound the alarm: life together has cracked;
- The desire to do something pleasant for your soul mate
This includes affectionate nicknames, and gifts, and a desire to help, and gentle touches, and a meeting from work, and much more. Perhaps, to someone, the appeals “hare”, “cat”, “honey” will seem sugary. However, without them, family life acquires some kind of officialdom, which does not allow the spouses to really get closer. Lovely words, coupled with unexpected pleasant surprises, seem to say: “You are my dearest person! I always remember you and want to bring joy”;
- Ability to build relationships with parents
“Building it right” in happy families means discussing all the news, moments of crisis and some major events, first of all, among themselves. It is no secret that many of us, when even minor frictions with our husbands appear, run to complain to our mother. The result of such complaints is usually the ever-increasing hostility of the parents to the husband and the husband to them. It may well lead to the collapse of the family, even if the spouses initially did not want this at all. Therefore, parents should not interfere in their family affairs. Let them be just very close people, and not controllers and leaders.
Well, here, perhaps, are all the main secrets of family happiness. Of course, every prosperous family has its own little secrets and its own rituals that help maintain and strengthen the relationship of the spouses. But no rituals will save us from trouble if we start to re-educate our soul mate, we constantly hide something from him, we don’t trust each other and we don’t find common ground for communication. A family where each of the spouses lives on their own cannot be considered complete. It's just a cohabitation of two people who are still comfortable with each other. Their future is vague, well-being is doubtful. Is it worth creating such marriages?
Each of us dreams of happiness. And we are often in a hurry to get married, believing that it is in marriage that we will find it. And then we lament, because the husband turned out to be not what we wanted, a normal family did not work out, scandals do not stop in the house or a gloomy deaf silence hangs. Why do we need such a life? Wouldn't it be better to wait for someone next to whom it would be safe and warm?
Let's see in which case marriage promises to be successful and whether we are ready for family life.
Conditions for a successful marriage
So, we meet a rather handsome young man and we seem to be ready to run with him to the registry office. Stop. Family life is not a walk along the boulevard or a pleasant cruise in the Mediterranean. This is painstaking daily work and almost constant work on oneself. Young ladies who are not capable of such work usually fail to simplify their lives with the help of marriage. But to complicate - easily.
Therefore, before putting on a wedding dress, let's think about whether we really need this young man and whether we are deceiving ourselves and him. It is not easy for two different people to get along in the same territory. After all, they grew up in different conditions and were brought up differently. And this means that the spouses will have to go through a grinding period, which implies patience, indulgence, and the ability to forgive. Without them, marriage will turn into a continuous hell, where even the harmless habits of a husband or wife can cause a huge scandal.
If we have a strong attraction to a young person, we will certainly be able to quickly adopt his lifestyle. Well, when there is no such attraction, both will have a hard time. Attempts to change a spouse, to force him to live in his own way, will either push a man away or break him. In the first case, he will increasingly leave home, in the second he will turn into a weak-willed henpecked or alcoholic. Is this what we want from our half?
It would seem that adults already have some kind of wisdom and can be relatively flexible, adapting to each other. But that's in theory. In practice, we most often simply demand from our faithful that he give up his habits, find fault, sting, grumble. He snaps, we wind up, we begin to remember the past, we get a whole flurry of indignation in response ... Scandal, stress, tears. And the blame for everything is the towel thrown by the husband on the edge of the bath ...
However, it is not the reason. It's just that the girl got married, poorly understanding why she needed this family at all. And all the current conflicts with her husband are an external reflection of her internal dissatisfaction and immaturity. And now marriage oppresses both.
To prevent this from happening, before you converge with a young man under one roof, you need to determine a few things for yourself.
- What do we experience when we look at him sleeping? Do we want to kiss a man, inhale his scent, snuggle up to his cheek?
- Are we capable of making sacrifices for this young man? Are you ready to give up your desires because of him, without demanding anything in return?
- Will we be able to forgive some offenses and insults, even when a man does not ask for forgiveness?
If the girl answered yes to all these questions, then everything is in order. She has unraveled the secret of happiness in the family and is ready to create it. Of course, in order for a marriage to be really successful, it is necessary that a man also aspires to it. Not striving yet? Don't force things. Otherwise, he will try, already being married, to finish what he did not finish before the wedding. Let's be diplomatic and patient. After all, we are ready to give up our desires for him!
The main enemy of a prosperous family life is selfishness. It is he who forces the spouses to always make demands and claims to each other, set conditions, limit the actions of their soul mate, and so on. Our selfishness does not allow selflessly, without expecting anything in return, to love another person. And, therefore, does not allow us to be free and happy.
If we can't handle our own selfishness, why start a family? First you need to learn to control yourself and your feelings, develop patience and the ability of selfless forgiveness. And then find a worthy young man and boldly walk the wedding procession with him, towards happiness.
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