Is there a friendship between a man and. Why do women prefer friendship with a man? True attachment is destroyed by other mechanisms.

27.05.2019

We talked about this with an expert in the field of interpersonal relationships, a practicing psychologist, Yulia Kuzmina.

Maya Milich, "AiF.ru": Is there a friendship between a man and a woman?

Yulia Kuzmina: There is no friendship between a man and a woman. Most often, a woman then suffers from such a relationship. If a woman is free, then she is in search of her boyfriend, and is always in some expectations. Starting to communicate with a man, she begins to get used to his presence. A man is so arranged that he immediately determines what he wants or does not want from a man. Unless, of course, he has a hidden intention to have some kind of duty relationship or a “weekend” relationship. A man understands better himself who he needs, and he rather allows a woman-friend to be close to him. More often than not, what a woman calls friendship, for a man, is rather friendship without obligation.

Even after a romance that has already taken place, it is best to translate relations into friendships and understand that there is no friendship between a man and a woman. There are friendships. You need to understand that an element of friendship is still respect, some kind of interaction.

MM, "AiF.ru": That is, heterosexual friends always balance on the brink of falling in love on one side or the other?

Yu.K.: Certainly. You cannot order nature. In theory, falling in love can be from two sides, and some things can be completely unconscious. Our consciousness is responsible for friendship and respect to a greater extent, and it lays down some things, like: "No, I decided to be alone," or the girl says: "I am now in search." At the same time, a memory of a specific person can still live in her soul, but the soul is already asking for a new object. And when a new harmless object appears that respects her, understands her, then a woman begins to develop a certain inner feeling and desire for that very love.

In addition, friends can not help but like each other outwardly. Friends are people with whom we unconsciously agree with interests, outlook on life, temperament or approach to life.

Learning to be friends

MM, "AiF.ru": How can a married man properly build his relationship with a woman-friend so that his wife is not jealous? That is, to maintain only friendly relations and not allow a woman to become a "alternate airfield"?

Yu.K.: If you are married, and you already have a female friend, then at least you should clearly understand that you have already officially decided on your positions relative to each other.

But the fact is that men are somewhat gullible. They believe that if they once agreed with a woman to be friends, then you can tell her about your love and personal affairs, consult. But, if you have a wife or just a sweetheart, then the main advice to a man is very carefully, prudently, from time to time check with your woman friend that there is friendship and only friendship between you. It is very important to observe and maintain a distance, so that later there will not be a "cold" war, so that one day you do not have to say to a woman friend: "I do not know what you have invented for yourself." Because a woman can perceive your friendship as a promise of something more, and as a result, you will become uncomfortable in this relationship, the whole burden of guilt and personal dissatisfaction will be on you.

Sooner or later, every girl may have the idea that such a wonderful, wonderful man can be more than a friend to her. And the gender mechanism will turn on, flirting will begin. These are all steps in one direction - desire, passion and love.

Therefore, in friendship with a woman, it is important to keep a distance and periodically clarify the format of the relationship, because a woman to a greater extent lives and acts unconsciously. Therefore, her transition from friendship to love can happen unconsciously and without warning. And if this happens, then it is to you that she will express her claims.

MM, "AiF.ru": What can friendship with a woman give to a man?

Yu.K.: I’m probably going to say a terrible thing, but this is the same thing that communication with a psychologist gives: relaxation, understanding of something that a man is interested in in the gender issue, emotional support, “swaddling”, when, for example, a woman says: “ She didn't appreciate you. You're so cool".

This is definitely a dip in support. Some of what I have named can be called the word "vest", but there are different phases of emotional support when a man comes and thinks. How do friends usually say? “Don’t worry. Nonsense. She will appreciate you later. " The girl will say the same to her friend, we support our friends.

Of course, friendship with a woman is an expansion of competence. A man, communicating with a woman friend, begins to receive more information about the world of women in general. How to be popular correctly, how to manipulate correctly. We ourselves tell important secrets about ourselves to our male friends. And they, reading between the lines, understand how you can influence us in order to achieve what we want faster and easier.

At all times, mankind was worried about the question: is there friendship between a man and a woman? There is no answer to it to this day. It is, rather, a rhetorical question, completely individual. It should be noted right away that the object of discussion is not an intermediate friendship from acquaintance to a full-fledged relationship. Namely, a friendly, friendly relationship that does not imply a romantic outcome. The opinions of psychologists are fundamentally different from each other. Some are convinced that friendship is not gender-based. Others argue that physical attraction is at the core of any relationship. And, sooner or later, platonic love will grow into physical.

What is friendship?

Some people have a distorted concept of friendship. As a result of this, a wrong understanding of love relationships is formed. The line between platonic and romantic relationships is blurring. Therefore, friendship between a man and a woman ceases to be a possible option. So, friendship is called disinterested, trusting relationships built on common interests, communication, respect, fun pastime.

There are a number of key differences between friendships and other types of feelings:

Unselfishness. Friendships are formed without further benefit to anyone. If one succeeds in something, the other is only happy with his achievements. If there are failures along the way, friends experience them together. No envy, no benefit, no use.
Equality. There is no hierarchy principle (like in a family, at work). Partners are equal to each other.
Frankness. True friends share their experiences with each other, openly show emotions. No one will ridicule the revelation.
Naturalness. Friends never wear masks, never pretend. They are what they are. And pretense is unnecessary, inappropriate.
Liberty. Comrades do not violate everyone's personal space. Communication occurs only when both want it.

If these conditions are met, communication is easy, without imposing, you can safely talk about friendship between a man and a woman. But, the line between camaraderie and romance is very thin. It is not easy to recognize. It is even more difficult not to step over her to the opposite sexes.

How to tell friendship from romance?

How to distinguish a simple friendship from an impending love? A distinctive feature of romanticism is sexual attraction in a partner, which manifests itself on the part of the sensual sphere. The purpose of a romantic relationship is to build a family. Therefore, at the inception of a physical attraction to a man or a woman, there is no need to talk about friendship.

If love begins to emerge between friends, the interests of one are put above the interests of the other. The emergence of hierarchy, subordination violates one of the basic principles of like-mindedness - equality. The partner in love begins to do everything to please the other. He puts on masks, becomes good. So, a man can assume the role of a guardian, protector, and a woman - a hostess, seductress. All these masks and roles discredit the principle of naturalness.

Oftentimes, people in love have false expectations for their chosen one. And when these expectations are not met, they are upset, disappointed. In this case, the principle of freedom, disinterestedness is violated. These are the main differences between love and friendship. The sooner "friends" recognize them, the better it will be for both.

Having studied the psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman, you can understand what you need. If the partner is not looking for love or sex, friendship will only bring benefits - communication, rewarding experience, development. If a man or woman noticed that sexual attraction begins to appear, and you want to maintain friendship, you should adhere to the following tips from a psychologist:

Remember that you are friends;
Do not flirt with a friend, do not give ambiguous compliments;
Don't shop together (don't play family relationships);
Maintain a distance in communication;
Tell a friend / girlfriend that a place in your heart is taken.

Why do men value friendship with a woman?

Both a man and a woman expect understanding, support, trust, help, and a pleasant pastime from such a relationship. But, a man who is friends with a girl also receives a kind of psychological release from a psychotherapy session. After all, who, if not a friend, will tell you what girls like, how to dress for the first date, what to give for the birthday of your beloved?

Women are empathetic, soulful creatures. In them, a man will always find support, useful advice. Due to courtesy and attentiveness, a man feels like a leader in a female environment. Therefore, like-mindedness with a woman gives him confidence, increases self-esteem. Also, a long-term friendship with a girl helps a man to understand the feminine nature, essence. This is a great theoretical experience for building a romantic relationship.

Why do women prefer friendship with a man?

Men have developed logical thinking. They soberly assess any situation, without emotion. Therefore, girls will always find support, good advice from a male friend. In addition, a man is always sincere. They are not trying to compete with their friend, to look her best. They are what they are. This makes it much easier for some girls to surround themselves with boyfriend friends.

In addition, the representatives of the stronger sex, in most cases, are reliable and responsible. They will come to the rescue day and night. You can always rely on them. Friendship with a man gives a woman an understanding of the opposite sex, which helps in building a love relationship. And communication with a guy greatly expands the horizons, carries away in interesting dialogues, discussions.

Friendship between man and woman is real

World psychologists argue that friendly relations between opposite sexes are quite possible. This is indicated by a sociological survey. So, 62% of the population either believe in friendship between the sexes, or have such a relationship. But, nevertheless, there is a line in such feelings. So, a friendly alliance between a guy and a girl is possible only if the following parameters are observed:

One of the friends, or both, have an amorous relationship with others;
No sex drive;
No sex;
Both wish to preserve their relationship with each other;
Partners are friends in pairs, families.

It is worth dwelling on the last point in more detail. The spouse does not always welcome the close relationship of his beloved with the opposite sex. Jealousy takes its toll, and the friendship ends. On the other hand, the other half should think about it. If a married girl or a married young man needs communication with the other sex, perhaps the couple lacks spiritual intimacy, there is a spiritual distance between them.

1 047 0 Hello! In this article we will try to figure out whether there is friendship between a man and a woman.

Friendship is a personal relationship between people, which is based on common interests, mutual understanding, help, support, sympathy and affection for each other. For many centuries, people have pondered about what is the root and essence of friendship, but never came to a common denominator. Although it was possible to deduce general trends, we will talk about them today.

Reasons for negative stereotypes

There are many stereotypical opinions that the friendship of a man and a woman is a priori doomed to failure. There are two main reasons why people often choose to adhere to these beliefs:

Sex drive instincts. It is believed that we perceive each member of the opposite sex as a potential partner. The mechanism is as follows: if he is unsympathetic to us, then we will not even begin to communicate with him. And if we are interested in something, then these very instincts of evaluating him as a man or as a woman are included.
Jealousy on the part of their romantic partners often interferes with the friendship of a man and a woman. Any suspicion casts a shadow on this relationship, and creates a threat to friendship.

It is widely believed in society that friendship between a man and a woman is possible only in the following cases:

If they were previously romantic partners, lovers, that is, they were in an intimate relationship. Friendship between ex-wife and ex-husband after divorce is possible, especially if there are common children.
If the boyfriend or girlfriend is homosexual.

Whatever may be said, but in life there are many examples of when a man and a woman are in friendly relations that never lead to sex. You can probably call it friendship.

Features of friendship between a man and a woman

There is such a thing as the psychology of friendship between a man and a woman. Consider some of the points that it includes:

There is a kind of tacit agreement that a man and a woman have no right to break for the sake of friendship.
Of course, there is sympathy between opposite-sex friends, and most often there is flirting, courtship, and attraction. But when they put friendship first, they are ready to resist temptations.
Advice from a friend of the opposite sex is sometimes the most valuable, especially when it comes to romance.
Important components of a heterosexual friendship are: mutual help, respect, shared interests, and overcoming sexual attraction.
Most often, such friendships are centered around some kind of business, for example, a common hobby or helping with certain tasks. Many heterosexual friends do not allow the two of them to go to cafes, to the cinema and other entertainment establishments, especially if they have a soul mate. The atmosphere of such establishments is very liberating and contributes to the awakening of romantic feelings, and this can put a fat point on friendships.

It should be noted that the most difficult is the friendship between a married man and a married woman. There are two options for the development of events:

their spouses are also involved in friendly relations and a kind of "friendship with families (houses)" is obtained;
their spouses, to put it mildly, are not delighted with such friendship and secretly or openly demonstrate this, experiencing distrust, jealousy, irritation and resentment.

Differences in perception of men and women

The opinion of men

Most men tend to automatically assess the attractiveness of any woman and always take this component into account when dealing with the fairer sex. It is nature, which in the animal kingdom dictates to impregnate as many females as possible. Of course, because of life in society, men need to often suppress these instincts. But some succeed more successfully, others less (and then the latter openly or covertly admit their polygamy). Therefore, friendship with a woman is very difficult for a man, he will need a lot of effort to constantly curb his desires.

Female perception of heterosexual friendship

A woman also has an instinct for evaluating a man's attractiveness and strength, but it is more complex. After all, its natural task is to bear, give birth and raise offspring. For this, a woman needs a reliable man who is able to give this offspring. If there is one already nearby, then in other representatives of the opposite sex she may no longer be attracted by the sexual component, but by the personality traits of the man, character traits, mental abilities, etc. Therefore, it is easier for a woman to cope with sexual instincts and to see a man exclusively as a friend.

No matter how difficult it is to fight with his nature, a man still refers more specifically to friendship with a woman. If from the very beginning there is an agreement between them that they are just friends, then the man expects from the woman a clear observance of these boundaries. The fairer sex is more emotional and can more easily change their attitude towards friendship with a man, for example, at a certain moment, allow themselves to flirt or fall in love with him.

Difference between friendship and romantic relationships

Both friendship and love are characterized by sympathy, mutual respect, support, frankness and pleasure from spending time together. And on what grounds do we distinguish them? In this case, we mean love between romantic partners.

Differences between friendship and love:

Sexual relationships. Characteristic exclusively for lovers. Although now there is such a phenomenon when a man and a woman "seem to be" friends, but from time to time have sexual intercourse, still friendship and sex are incompatible. When one comes, another leaves. Of course, love without intimacy happens (for example, in a platonic relationship), but quite rarely. But friendship is always devoid of it.
The amount of time spent together. Those who love each other need to be constantly close to each other. Friends do not need to be together all the time, they can only meet occasionally, and this will suit them. Romantic partners need constant attention from each other, then they will be happy.
Mutual dependence. This is typical for love relationships. Partners seem to dissolve in each other, their personal boundaries can even be erased. They like to say "we". Friends do not have such dependence, there are clear boundaries of each and an understanding of where "you" and where "I am".
For falling in love(as for the initial stage of love) is characterized by idealization of the partner, sometimes even admiration for him. In friendship, ideas about a friend are more real, there is a clear understanding and acceptance of his strengths and weaknesses.
Joint goals and plans. The one we love is a part of our life, which means that we must have common goals and plans for the future. And each of the friends has their own life and their own separate plans for it.

Between friendship and love

It is not uncommon to hear that a man and a woman were friends, and then they felt that they loved each other and entered into a romantic relationship. Or, conversely, the lovers after parting became friends, the ex-wife remained a friend. It is sometimes difficult to predict this or that course of events, but there are a number of factors that often contribute to the fact that friendship spills over into love (or into sexual relations). Among them:

An event that dramatically changes the life of one or both of your friends... It can be some kind of difficult situation (loss, injury, betrayal, etc.), as a result of which the outlook on a male or female friend has changed, or they were provided with strong support, which entailed intimate intimacy.
Strong emotions or a bright event... For example, a man and a woman visited together in an unusual environment, experienced strong excitement for each other, worked together on some very significant project for both. The surging feelings can serve as an impetus for the development of love relationships.
When friends are overwhelmed by the desire to devote all their time to each other having a rest together. When there is a strong interdependence and a desire to conform to the "ideal of a woman (man)", which is characteristic of a friend.

Summarizing the above... The attraction between a heterosexual man and a woman is due to nature, and if there is sympathy, then the sexual instincts on a subconscious level are also included. But for the sake of friendship, they can suppress them. But sex in this case is completely unacceptable. The relationship in which he intervened radically changes, acquiring the status of "romantic".

Can friendship arise between a man and a woman? There are many different opinions, most believe that this is a myth. Is it so? Let's try to understand whether such a phenomenon is real or maybe one of them is still hoping for something more?

Psychology

Almost everyone has a life example, when a boy and a girl grew up together, and as they grew up, they continued their friendship. So what can I say about this? One specialist believes that from childhood, children have some kind of connection and they have no problems with mutual understanding, so you shouldn't think about anything more. Sexual attraction arises from difference, and friendship is determined by similarity. However, even friendship arises where people have attraction.

So let's try to understand what the differences are. Sexual attraction consists of many experiences based on natural instincts, striving to reproduce life. And as for friendship, this is a kind of emotional connection, determined by feelings such as tenderness.

In general, friendship between a man and a woman is a very complex and not entirely clear phenomenon. Sexual relations are often associated with this phenomenon, almost always such a connection is fully justified.

The opinion of men

Men have their own opinions on this matter. They are all quite diverse, but let's discuss a few of them. Often they believe that if a woman does not interest a man physiologically, then it is likely that there will be friendly relations, such a relationship can be strong, but for how long? Almost always, one of the two breaks down and there is a desire for something more.

The following point of view is also popular. True friendship can only arise between those who have already had sexual relations with each other. In this case, people have already experienced a lot and know each other very closely. This happens often and it is always proven that such a relationship can be trusting, but only after a close relationship. And for friendship to work out, people must be able to part with each other.

The opinion of women

And what do the women say about this?

The girls have an ambiguous opinion, it all depends on the situation and the person.

Some say they are afraid that an intimate relationship will break out between them and destroy their friendship. This point of view is very common, and there are a lot of situations when an intimate relationship has destroyed friendship.

And is a one-time connection worth losing a strong friendship? Therefore, those who believe that such a connection is supposed to be avoided, then they are often right.

Others believe that there can be no friendship due to the fact that someone is attracted and hopes for something more. This position is also quite popular, because this situation happens often. Friendship in many cases collapses due to the fact that one of the friends is in love and wants to translate the friendship into a love story. This option is quite good if the feelings turn out to be mutual, but if it is the other way around, the friendship will simply disappear.

Some say that they initially refer some guys to the category of "friend", and then there is no way to get out of it. With representatives of this category, girls can spend time in a variety of ways, but he will always be just a friend.

Some girls say that guys take this for a start, and in the sequel they expect everyone to understand what. This is also common, very often guys try to make friends, but only for the sake of hope for an intimate relationship.

There are even such ladies who talk about the existence of such men with whom friendship has lasted for many years. Friendship even with families. With some there were also intimate relationships, as well as the jealousy of their second halves was passed.

As you can see, all of the above opinions are completely different. Which once again proves that everyone has their own life and each case is individual.

How often a friendship ends up

Such friendship has certain limitations, they do not allow you to enjoy the relationship 100%. The main obstacle may be in the form of a jealous partner of one of your friends. After all, not everyone can tolerate the presence of a friend or girlfriend at their half. Constant jealousy scandals or ultimatums often destroy friendships or friendships, but this is less common.

But you can never predict something in advance, so absolutely any relationship can lead to anything. What end to expect from this relationship? Friendship can turn into a great love story, or maybe vice versa. It can also just end.

In conclusion, we note that friendship and love can be linked, that certain frameworks simply disappear.

There are such relationships:

Spouses are best friends but this does not prevent them from madly in love with each other. In this case, a certain type of relationship is considered. After all, they are strong, stronger than those in which there is no real friendship between husband and wife, and therefore many other factors are absent. For example, there may be problems with mutual understanding and not only with him.
Man and woman are good friends but can allow sexual relations. Specific relationships. There are several options for their outcome. Perhaps they will last until someone has a second half, or maybe they will completely develop into one thing, and it is also possible that everything will remain so. It is difficult to predict the further outcome.
The strongest and longest feelings can be reborn into friendship.... It happens that people have been together for a long time, but the relationship comes to an end, and people do not want to lose each other. And often people are held together by a banal affection, in which case everything can be reborn into friendship. Friendships can be strong, but the outcome cannot be predicted.
Friendly relations, but only on the basis of common joint hobbies. Such relationships are quite specific, based on a specific area. For example, visiting art galleries. They usually do not go further, they are within the usual framework. Two people are used to such a framework and often simply do not want to change anything, but, of course, another outcome is possible.
Friendly relationship between student and teacher... A special rare bond that should be protected.
Friendship with a best friend's woman. This phenomenon is rare due to jealousy, and it is also not durable. Various outcomes are possible.
Prohibition of sexual relations in order to maintain friendships. Such a relationship can only be with those who truly value their friendship and do not want sex to interfere. If two people have a sincere goal of maintaining friendship and there is no sexual attraction, then the friendship can really be strong, as well as long. But in this case, it is important that sexual attraction is absent in both, otherwise, sooner or later, the friendship will be ruined.

What conclusions can we draw from the above? Let's think it over carefully. It is not necessary to associate all relationships with established prejudices, it is too banal. In life, different things happen, but everyone has their own relationships, they are individual and unique. Do not be afraid to let a friend into your life, because if you feel fear of love, then you will not have it, the same situation is with friendship.