How can you let go of the person you love. When love is gone What does it mean to let go of a person

30.06.2019

When a man and a woman enter into a relationship, they do not think about the fact that sooner or later one partner will spiritually lose the other. It often happens that a person stops feeling love for his soul mate. From here, disharmony appears, emotional balance is lost, the couple can no longer exist as a whole. To forget a loved one with whom you had to say goodbye, you need to master the basics of psychology. Experts have developed effective recommendations that will help with this.

Why letting go of a loved one is difficult

It would seem, why not break the connection and let the man go? We got rid of his gifts, found a hobby, threw extraneous thoughts out of the head. However, everything is not as simple as it might seem at first glance.

False dreams

It is difficult for a woman to let go of a man in cases where she has high hopes for him. A mentally beautiful lady has already married an object of adoration and has given birth to children. However, in reality, the gentleman is not to blame for the fact that you have placed an unbearable burden on him.
When the relationship first began, certain qualities of the young man took over. After the lapse of time, his essence began to break out, you missed this moment. As a result, resentment and disappointment accumulated every day, they caused mental pain.
A false image does not allow a woman to look soberly at her chosen one. Rose-colored glasses paint a new picture in which you two are doing well. But it is important to understand that the problems "in paradise" have not gone anywhere.
When you finally realize that the plan will not come true, dreams are shattered. All the images presented in the head lose their power, since the man simply does not correspond to them. On a subconscious level, a woman feels betrayed.

Possessive instinct

When girls enter into a relationship, they involuntarily begin to perceive a man as property. It is important to understand that no one person can belong to you. Serfdom was abolished long ago.
Men are not sold at auctions, they are not put up for sale in a store, and they are not presented as birthday presentations. Everyone has the right to choose who to be with and how to spend the rest of his life.
Understand the essence of what is happening. If the situation has taken a sharp turn, as a result of which the partner left you, this is his choice. Accept this decision, let go of your possessive instincts.

Anger

In most cases, after a breakup or in the process of an argument, a woman is angry with her man. Perhaps you have serious reasons on this score, which are accompanied by resentment.
It is important to understand that a man could offend you only if, on a subconscious level, you yourself wanted to be offended. This feature is typical for girls who prefer to play the role of a victim.
Get rid of this behavior, let go of anger. Get hung up on the good things in your life. Stop remembering all the bad things the man did. People make mistakes, don't blame him for breaking up.

Above are the reasons why it is difficult to let go of a loved one. Psychologists have made a number of effective recommendations, we will consider them in order.

Don't think about the past

If you've done your best to keep the relationship going and haven't been successful, don't blame yourself. Let go of the situation, the man made his choice. There is no need to think that you have been inactive.
It is important to understand that the loved one needs to be released. At such moments, pain accumulates in the soul, and memories of good moments are pursued everywhere.
Assess the full scale of the problem, answer the main questions. Do you love a man or is there just a feeling of affection? The moment your partner left, did your self-esteem suffer? Would it be easier to handle the situation if you left first?
People who have been abandoned do not have love for their departed partner. In most cases, they lick the wounds that have formed after the loss of self-esteem. Many girls cannot come to terms with the fact that their partner left them.
As a rule, for such persons, parting with a man is quickly forgotten. At the same time, you do not have to be sad and cry at night, everything will go by itself. Let go of the past, allow yourself and it to move on.
Go headlong into your career, play sports, get a pet. Sign up for courses, clean up your appearance and wardrobe. Buy lace underwear, change your look, communicate with the opposite sex.

Refer to meditation

Meditation means pondering and contemplation. The concept of self-awareness allows you to enter the hidden corners of the soul and free from emotions. In your case, meditation will help remove the anger that appeared after your partner left.
Learn to forgive, try saying "Thank you!" for being in your life. Such a move normalizes balance and harmony in the soul, stabilizes the psycho-emotional background. Let go of the resentment, and with it the loved one.
It is important not only to forgive a man, but also to ask him for forgiveness. Free your mind of negative emotions, hug each other and break up like an adult. At first it will hurt, but after a while, the insult will not eat you from the inside.
To meditate properly, find a quiet place where you will feel comfortable. Relax, close your eyes. Concentrate on your breathing, stay in this position for 5 minutes.
After you calm down, start mentally collecting anger and frustration bit by bit. Push the negativity into an imaginary abyss until you yourself believe that the pain has disappeared.
Accompany the procedure with a relaxing melody (not songs), relax. You can meditate in a bath using essential oils or herbs.

Do cleansing exercises

Take a piece of paper, write down possible claims and grievances that are directed at a man. Go to nature in a beautiful place. Imagine that your ex is standing in front of you. Say out loud that you understand the true reasons for his actions. Apologize to the imaginary image for possible reproaches and other misunderstandings. It is important to remember that in the process of understanding and forgiving your companion, you clear your aura of negativity. Go through all the points, find a reasonable explanation for his actions.
After completing the forgiveness exercise, turn to gratitude. Make a list of the things you are grateful for. Perhaps he made you stronger spiritually or made old dreams come true. Thank your ex for making a timely choice rather than stretching it out for a lifetime. List only those for which you are sincerely grateful. Don't jump over your head when in doubt. All people come to our life for a reason. So the companion left a trace in your soul (not necessarily negative), thank you for that.

Love yourself

You can't let go of a man if you don't cultivate self-love. This is a lot of work that requires attention to detail. It is easier for girls to achieve the effect, since the modern world provides various services for similar purposes.
Get a gym membership, sign up for a massage and body wrap course. Start attending dance school to gain confidence and sexuality. Evaluate your figure: if something does not suit you, go on a diet.
Change your look drastically, reconsider the style of clothing and makeup. Extend hair or nails. Develop not only aesthetically, but also spiritually and materially. Sign up for refresher courses, achieve heights in your career.
Visit cafes and cinemas, communicate with the opposite sex, and spend time on your own. Read books, learn a foreign language. You are now a free woman, travel, have fun.

It is difficult to let go of a loved one, but sometimes circumstances do not develop in the most favorable way. Turn to meditation, let go of the past, and practice forgiveness and gratitude exercises. Look after your appearance, change your wardrobe, go in for sports.

Video: how to forget the person you love

Every time you wake up in the morning, you are a new person. What filled you yesterday and made you who you are may stop filling you today. While it's hard to believe, letting go of the person may be in your best interest today. It is possible that the person you loved died, you just broke up with your loved one, you need to experience unrequited love, or you have nothing in common with your friend. Letting go of the person can be the next step to happiness, and that's what really matters. Let's start.

Steps

How to let go of your ex

Unleash your feelings. First of all, grieving is good. Emotions are a good thing. Crying is normal and healthy. It's good to be angry. Whatever you feel, these emotions are normal and need to be released. Once the period in which you are pouring out your feelings and emotions has passed, the healing process will begin. There is a definite process of letting go of a person and a process of shedding feelings, where people can do strange things, like dye their hair unusual colors, grief with tons of ice cream, and so on. Let it be.

The first thing you will most likely feel is denial, which will be replaced by anger. At first, you will not feel what is happening real, and when you realize, the words that you exchanged will cause you anger and pain. So that your feelings about your breakup don't get added to your feelings about how you deal with that breakup, just know how it happens. The emotions that you experience are part of you. You are not crazy and you are not a bad person. You are just a human being.

Don't sugarcoat the past. It is possible that you will start to scroll and relive the good moments that you had. In bed, they will spin in your brain like a worn-out record. But if the person came back to you, in 10 minutes you would think “That's right. That's why we didn't succeed. ” It's just that when you are experiencing such strong emotions, it is difficult to remember all the bad things that you had. Remember that if you start thinking all the time about the good moments that were between you, you do not see the situation as it really is.
Get as far away from the person as possible. Letting go is essentially a euphemism meaning to forget. When you just don't give a damn about a person. It may sound a little harsh, so another, softer word was coined. In general, to distance yourself from a person is the only way to quickly forget him. Remember how you found a long-lost and forgotten shirt in a closet and said to yourself “Oh God! I loved this shirt so much! How could I forget that I even had it? ”. Yeah. Out of sight, out of mind.
- Of course, for many people this is much, much easier said than done. But you can try to limit the time you spend with this person. Use this as an excuse to pursue a new hobby, to open up a fun new place to have a good time, or to hang out with new companies from time to time. Do not adjust your life to the person you are trying to forget, but think about your interests.
Don't sideline yourself. After you are angry and sad and make a deal with the devil that you will never be together with this dumbass again, there will come a few days or weeks that will seem like an eternity to you, when you wonder how it happened and you will be seem like you are walking in fog. You will want to detach yourself from everything, but you cannot afford it. You can not. For your own sake, for your better future, you must move forward.
- This is the very moment when you need to do what you want. You are in the foreground. Do whatever makes you happy (as long as it doesn't harm you, of course). Break away. If you want the same ham sandwich as your colleague at work, go ahead. This is the time to live for yourself. Your mantra should now sound like “I, I, I”. Why? Because you are cool.
Don't blame the whole world. Soon you will feel better and the “I, I, I” phase will be replaced by the “I, you, me, you” phase and you do not need to be angry at everyone in the world. Just because you are jaded and cynical does not mean that you are gaining experience. It's more like giving up positions. Try to see the good in people. It really is, you just need to look more closely.
- Not all men are bastards and not all women are bitches. You may be attracting bastards, but that's a completely different problem. Take a close look at the people around you and you will see that they are all different.
Don't let yourself get bogged down in negative thoughts. The beauty is that the brain is part of you and you can control your thought process. If you start thinking bad things, you can stop those thoughts. Once bad thoughts begin, you can remove them. Sometimes it is not easy to do, but it is real.
- Imagine a cartoon character voicing your bad thoughts. For example, Donald Duck. Try to say in the voice of Donald Duck, "I hate myself that I'm such an idiot." It's hard to take this seriously, isn't it?
- Consciously keep your head high. This will give your body a signal that you are proud of yourself. When your head is down, your body starts signaling to your brain that you have something to be ashamed of, and you will feel worse. Just raising your head can make a difference.
Ask your friends for support. Your support group is very important to you in this situation. They can help you distract yourself and overcome problems. Do not be afraid to ask them for help, they probably also had similar situations!
- Ask them to help you avoid getting stuck in the situation. You need to talk about your feelings, but there must be some limit. Ask them to spend 15 minutes with you, but after that do not go into detailed analysis of the situation and your regrets. They can help you avoid getting bogged down in your sorrows.
Find yourself and love yourself. The reality is that you are definitely cool, and what happened is just a little misunderstanding. It is possible that you have been in a similar situation before and have overcome it, why is it not possible now? If you can overcome it once, you will succeed the second time. You are strong. You just forgot about it. Continue to live and you will overcome everything.
- If you stop living life to the fullest, you will not be able to get out of this situation. When you are living (looking for new opportunities, enjoying life, surrounding yourself with things and people you like), the problem will go away on its own and you won't even notice how it happens. Think about who you were before. What did you like? What made you who you are? How good were you?
How to let go of unrequited love
1. Reevaluate the subject of sighing. This person has never appreciated you and does not deserve to be spent on him your time. It's not that he probably doesn't deserve you wasting your time on him, it's not even discussed. Take it for granted, no “and if”, “but” and “all the same”. Not even worth it. You deserve to be around someone who wants to see you, who appreciates you and who wants to take an active part in your life. Who does not want to, can fail.
  - Take the time to understand yourself better. Look at yourself as objectively as possible. Your relationship seemed reliable to you because it only seemed to you, but in fact it was not? Are you comforting with the assurance that you will never get hurt in the absence of commitment in the relationship? If this has anything to do with the truth, these are your troubles that do not relate to the other person in any way. This person is just an idol whom you have endowed with certain traits and deified.
2. Think about your happiness. It doesn't matter if you fell in love with a married person or it's just a very strong hobby, think about whether you were as happy with this person as you could be? Most probably not. Chances are, you just longed for the relationship that you drew in your head. How much was real in these relations and how much was invented, fantasized, planned?
  - It is absolutely clear that this relationship did not live up to your expectations and needs, otherwise you would not want it to end. Remember this. Realize this. This relationship is not what you want, but it will be replaced by a relationship that is truly yours. Only for this relationship to come, you must break with this. Well, that's exactly what you are reading this article for. What do I need to do? See step 1.
3. Don't live with expectations. Life is too short not to live in the moment. The person you are unrequitedly in love with is enjoying life, why can't you erase him from your life and do the same? This will be fair. This does not mean that you need to start a new relationship sooner. This means that you need to connect with people and do everything that depends on you in order to enjoy life.
  - Don't expect anything to change. You will be waiting for a very, very long time. Strictly speaking, you can understand how events will develop in the future by looking at how they developed in the past. Since your relationship ended in a breakup, why do you think it won't happen again? This is the way it is, everything will repeat itself.
  - Most likely, deep down, you understand that this is the case. You understand that your relationship was not perfect and you understand that it is more logical for you to break up (after all, this is why you are reading this article). If you have such thoughts, do not jam them and let them command at least a few hours a day. Let them protect you from pain. They will tell you what is best for you: a bachelorette party, daily long runs, or the vacation you've been dreaming of for so long. Whatever it is, write it down for yourself in your diary.
4. Keep it at a distance. Now that you've decided to keep your mental distance, you need to keep your physical distance as well. The only way to stop internal torment is to keep him at a distance. If it is realistic to do it (for example, if he is not your work colleague), do it. The process of weaning from a person will go much, much faster.
  - It doesn't give you an excuse to stay at home instead of going out with friends, going to the gym, or going to class. But it gives you the power to change your usual schedule. Do you always go to the same cafe? Find something new. A specific gym? Come there at a different time. Hell, find yourself a completely new hobby!
5. Be straightforward. If you see a person, he will ask you questions. You should not invent reasons why you avoid it, everything will be sewn with white thread anyway. It is best to tell the truth, but very diplomatically.
  - No one knows the situation better than you, and no one can explain it better. No one can object to "I need some time to figure out what's best for me." If he doesn't like it, all the more it is necessary to leave (or run away) from him as soon as possible.
6. Don't blame yourself. This is not your defeat. That's life. It happens to everyone and you know what? You will learn from this. You've gone through a previous breakup, and you'll get through that too. You haven't done anything wrong. What you did seemed right to you before. This is all you can do.
  - It is useless to dream about what would happen if you did something wrong, did not say so. You are who you are, and if it did not work out for you, then it should be so. Trying to remake yourself is a grueling process that will only lead to fatigue and resentment. It's foolish to blame yourself for being who you are! What else can you be?
7. Concentrate on yourself. The time has come for you. This is important not only for you, but also for your future relationships. No one will succeed without realizing who he really is. This does not mean that they are selfish; it means you are logical.
  - What do you like? Come up with at least 5 things and do them within the next 2 weeks. Eventually, there will come a time when you let go of the person without even noticing it. You will be too busy with the life you are living to notice. When you realize that many months have passed during which you have not thought about this person, you will feel very, very good.
  How to let go of a deceased person
  1. Learn not to regret something. When a loved one dies, we are suddenly filled with remorse about what we should have done and did not, should have said but did not say, or said but should not have said. This can no longer be returned or redone, and this remorse only leads to more suffering. Wouldn't a departed person want you to be happy?
    - Regret is often associated with the process of forgiving oneself. Unfortunately, there is no instruction on how to forgive yourself and the only thing you can do is remember that you are human. You are human and you loved as much as you could. Now is the time to focus on the present.
  2. Allow yourself to grieve. The five stages of grief over the loss of a loved one include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, you need to understand that all people experience grief in different ways. And yet you need to go through this process, perhaps by hugging your beloved teddy bear and flooding it with tears, hiding in a corner or running until you lose consciousness. It will get better in the end.
    - How others believe it is right to experience grief is their own business. As you see fit and right to do it, that's what matters to you and nothing else. Anything that is not dangerous (alcohol, drugs, etc.) is normal.
  3. Don't grieve alone. At the moment, you and your loved ones must unite. Sometimes, when you are not alone, but with your loved ones, the grief is felt less acutely. The combined efforts will help a faster healing process.
    - If you feel that only you are grieving over the loss of this person, simply being with other people can help. Even if someone just holds you by the hand, you will feel that you are not alone. That everything will work out. Seek support from people around you, whoever they are.
  4. Rediscover yourself. At some point in the past, when you existed without this relationship, you were a different person. And this person still exists. You just need to find it again. You can revive it if you put in the effort.
    - Connect with people and things from the past. What filled you before? What made you alive? What is it that you wanted to do all the time? And the last, most important question: Is there a better time to do this than now?
  5. Look to the future. The only reason it looks dark to you is because you are wearing dark glasses. There is as much hope in the future as there were 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years ago. It all depends on what you do with your future. Instead of dwelling on the past, think about the future. What will it bring?
    - When you hold onto the past, you have no room for the future inside. It is possible that you are missing out on a whole sea of opportunities. Would your loved one want this? To find love, you must give and receive. You cannot do this if you are completely immersed in what was in the past.
  6. Write a formal breakup letter. Write in it everything that has never been said. Make the letter positive by focusing on all the good things that were there and the joy it brought into your life.
    - You can decide for yourself what to do with this letter. You can store it next to your heart, send it in a bottle to sail across the sea or ocean, or burn it and watch the smoke go into the sky.
  7. Remember that there will come a moment when you release the person. It will come. Not "may come," not "perhaps come." It will come. You must know and be firmly convinced that this will be the case. For some it will take longer, but it will eventually happen. Until then ... relax. Let time do its job. Time will heal all wounds.
    - When this starts to happen, you may not even notice. Such changes will occur in you that you will not even remember who you were before. Maybe this is already happening. Maybe you're just standing too close to the painting to see the details. Can it be so? Stupid question. Yes. Yes maybe.
  How to let go of destructive friendships
  1. Treat this as positively as possible."There are no good and bad things, our thoughts make them so." The friendships you are about to give up are not necessarily bad. Your refusal simply speaks of your maturity and seriousness. This suggests that you have found your way in life and this road will not intersect with the road of your friend. That's all. This does not mean that you are betraying a friend or that you are not willing to compromise. You do what you have to do.
    - Every experience and every relationship has its own value. However, some people should be part of our past, not our destiny. And that's okay! Be grateful for the experiences you've had as they help you grow. He helped you become the wonderful person you are now.
    Be kind. When you are friends with a bad person, usually that person has no idea that he is. You do not want to part with him in a fit of rage, after all, you have been friends for so long for a reason. Part of you is worried about this person. When he asks you about what's going on, be gentle, but speak the truth.
    - If you don't know what to say, just say what you told yourself. “We have a different road and that's okay. I still value you as a person, but our friendship is based on what I was before, not on what I am now. Your behavior turns me into me of the past and I don't want that anymore. ” Your friend will probably have questions and most likely get angry, but in the end you will be better off and shouldn't care about his reaction.
  2. Get away from him. Sometimes, when something is taken from people, they want it even more. Your friend may start calling even more often than before. Even if he begins to say that he realized his mistakes, do not believe it. You need to distance yourself from the situation, analyze the situation and understand what is really going on.
    - The same goes for your friend. If he wants to talk about it, tell him so. You both need some time not to see each other in order to understand how you feel without each other. To understand what the picture is, you need to move away from it a little. If a few weeks pass and you feel like you want to see him and your friend feels the same, take your time. Sometimes people learn from mistakes.
  3. Know what you want to find in future friendships. It is terrible to get rid of one friend to find an exact copy of him. So when you make yourself a new friend or company, how do you want them to be? What do you value in others?
    - You may need to do a little introspection to do this. What did you like about your friend, what kept you together? What do you need that you have not received in this friendship? What three qualities should your friend have?
  4. Give yourself time to grieve over the loss of your loved one, but then start a new life, discover a path that will only be yours. Make new friends and do things that interest you. Starting a new life alone will not be easy at first, but this new path can bring you joy and fulfillment.
  5. Remember that there is no specific time allotted for worrying about the loss of a loved one. Don't feel guilty if you want to go out with someone to a restaurant 4 or 6 months after your spouse's death. Everyone has their own path and their own time for recovery and the feeling that you can start a new life. You must continue to live for the sake of your loved one who passed away, and when and how you do this is up to you.
  6. Letting go doesn't always mean letting go. Letting go sometimes means continuing to be with the person, caring for him, but not letting him devastate you, offend you, or prevent you from living your life.
  7. You also have to love yourself and believe in yourself no matter what. Know that everything happens for a reason and people appear in our life and leave it all the time, so you should not suffer for the rest of your life. You also need to know that there is a new person waiting for you around the corner, your person.

Our feelings are not always mutual. Or love can bring more suffering than joy. If you are in a cage of your own experiences, the best solution is to figure out how to let the person out of their thoughts.

It will bring you long-awaited relief and wonderful new life opportunities. The advice of a psychologist, which will be discussed in stages in this article, will be most helpful in this.

Many people confuse the concepts of “letting go” and “forgetting” or “falling out of love” completely. This is easiest to understand when you think about the literal meaning of letting go.

For example, they bought a balloon for a little girl. She was very happy with him and played with him for a long time. But soon she wanted to play with other toys. So she picked up and let go of the thread. The ball flew into the sky and became free.

Likewise, a person who is fixated on a burdening relationship should also switch to something else. But this does not mean that at this stage he will not remember about his beloved person and will completely forget about him.

Letting go is to stop interfering with your personal life, trying to control and be aware of all things.
Start living your own life, without looking back at the person you think about
Enjoy freedom
Be ready for new love
Understand the lessons of the past
Forgive yourself and your loved one
Find harmony and joy from each new day

Why do you need this at all?

There is a category of people who do not understand why they should abandon a person. They firmly believe that with the necessary perseverance and ingenuity, reciprocity can be achieved. To put it bluntly, force yourself to love. But this is a big mistake.

Let's say that a person loves pineapples. And to treat pears indifferently or generally cannot stand them. And no matter how much you pretend that you are a pineapple, you will not stop being a pear. That is how the circumstances developed.

But there are many people who, on the contrary, prefer pears to other fruits. So maybe you should consider other options and find a better one?

Disadvantages of trying to grab hold of the “wrong” person:

What actions do not take, but you cannot influence the person so that he reciprocates.
Instead of the intended happiness, you only have self-pity, resentment, and dissatisfaction.
You are only prolonging your suffering. In the end, you will not be together anyway.
A person from constant encroachments will begin to show disrespect to you, will become irritated. You will be forced to humiliate yourself all the time.
As a result of such persecution, you will get upset nerves and a predisposition to depression.
You will lose interest in your own life, your goals, aspirations. If we continue in the same spirit, then dismissal from work, expulsion from the institute and other troubles are not far off.

Does this make you feel better?

Psychologist's advice: Relationships are what gives us positive emotions, not destroys us. You, like every living being, are worthy of love. You don't have to go out of your way to please, change your principles. A lot of people will appreciate you without it.

Why don't you let go of thoughts about a person?

If you can’t forget someone, then this person was very important to you. Your feelings for him are very strong, so thoughts keep coming back to him all the time. Either the object has caused you a lot of hurt and disappointment. And now you have negative feelings for him or even a desire for revenge for everything that he has done to you. In any case, you should give up unnecessary thoughts as quickly as possible. So that they do not lie dead weight in your soul.

Case from practice:

Irina's story: “For a very long time, thoughts about her former beloved husband haunted me. They were together for 6 years, 3 years in legal marriage. The parting turned out to be very quick and unforeseen. In just a month, his attitude changed a lot. All my attempts to please were in vain.

Then he left without really explaining anything. For 1.5 years I waited for him to come back and say that he was wrong, ask for forgiveness. But instead, I found out that he had married another and they were expecting a baby. It was a real shock! I realized that I couldn't do it myself.

Feelings never cooled down, I didn't even want to look at other men. I decided to consult a psychologist. I was very pleased with the result. After several sessions, I became much calmer about the situation, I was able to accept it.

Gradually, I realized that life goes on and the thoughts of the former left me. Only a psychologist helped me start building new relationships. "

How to erase the person you love from your thoughts?

So, you understand the inevitability and importance of this moment. Congratulations, this means you have already covered half the way!

It will be very helpful to be able to thank the person. Parting is not a loss, but an acquisition. The most important thing in life is experience. And you need to learn from this experience to find your mistakes and not repeat them in the future.

Even if you received only suffering and pain, do not despair. This is an opportunity to grow up, not to become too attached to people, to learn to build harmonious relationships.

To say goodbye to a person correctly, it is important to do everything in stages. It is not recommended to skip any of the stages. Otherwise, what you missed will come up anyway, and the moment will not be the most appropriate.

Unleash your emotions. Don't try to drown out the negative. You can cry, scream, get angry, sob. If you feel better after a big ice cream, use this method too. Some people like to write their experiences on paper.
After you come to your senses a little, proceed to the analysis of the situation. Face it. Do not try to embellish the situation and the departed person. Write down in column 1 all the pluses of this relationship, in the 2nd column - all the minuses. And then think again, were they really that good?
Say thank you to your former beloved for all the good things that happened. Sincerely wish him happiness.
Now you should not look for the guilty and indulge yourself. It will be easier to think things over when you calm down to the end.
Conduct a suspension. Throw away or put away any gifts and photographs that remind you of the past. Do not get carried away by melodramas and music about unhappy love. Change your phone number so you don't sit around waiting for a call. In short, delete the past.
Change your appearance. It also helps to psychologically tune in to a new life. Change your hairstyle, wardrobe. Get some workouts at the gym. Even if there is no excess weight, it never hurts to tighten your figure. It also boosts self-confidence well.
Think about how you could fill the void within yourself. Something nice and interesting. A new activity, a pet, a book about relationships and personal growth. Do not withdraw into yourself, communicate more. If you can afford it, it was good to go traveling.
Learn to enjoy life again. Enjoy the little things. Fulfill your desires.
Plan your future life. The wish card stimulates well in this.
Now you can analyze the past with a cold mind. Think about mistakes and lessons learned.

After all the steps, you will definitely feel refreshed. And your pain will pass.

In different cases, it takes a different amount of time for the whole process. From month to year. But the sooner you get off this path, the faster you can get rid of the burden.

Important tip: Don't get drunk with self-pity. Do not chase your thoughts, how unhappy your fate is. How lonely you are. It is better to remember in difficult moments those who are even worse. About orphans, invalids, lonely old people.

Better yet, think about how you can help them ease their suffering. And then you will forget about your own pain.

Useful meditation

When you have to part with a loved one, thoughts naturally arise that you will never be able to love again. I just don't want to feel the same pain again.

But you do not need to cultivate this opinion in yourself. After all, without love, life is boring and insipid. Instead, do some great meditation to help restore a healthy relationship with love.

When you are alone and no one is disturbing you, dim the lights and make yourself comfortable.
Concentrate and close your eyes. Consider where your capacity for love might be.
When you find the right place, lock onto it.
Imagine how light emanates from this point in your body. Mentally direct it to your beloved pet or loved one.
If you did everything right, you will have a desire to do something good for the people around you. To those people to whom the glow was directed.

If you do this exercise every day, unbeknownst to yourself, you will find an insult inside and will be replaced by genuine love for the environment.

Letting go of the heart and thoughts

Can't forget a person for a long time? This practice will help break even the long-standing connection and free yourself from negativity.

Retire to a quiet place, make yourself comfortable.
Close your eyes, imagine a stage for performances. On stage, a man who has caused a lot of suffering.
Now imagine yourself as you are on a dais above this person or floating in the air.
Concentrate on your abuser. Present it in great detail, down to the smallest detail.
Feel all the sensations that you experience for him as acutely and vividly as possible.
Then imagine what the connection looks like between you? Subtle threads or thick rope? Or maybe a plastic tube? What do they connect? Chest, throat, abdomen or neck area?
Visualize this state for a while.
Think about what personal character traits you and this person lack so that the connection becomes less painful. Maybe patience, fortitude, self-confidence? Consider all your options carefully.
Now imagine how a God or a guardian angel appears above the stage, who has enough of all the qualities.
Contact him with a request to give the missing. Begin to imagine how you are being filled with everything you need. Feel it very clearly how you change from it.
Visualize how you channel the missing qualities to the person connected to you. Let it fill to the end.
Then look at it again. Has he changed since then? What exactly became different: emotions, a smile on your face, a posture?
If necessary, talk to him. Surely he taught you a good lesson, taught you something new. Even through painful experiences. In any case, ask for forgiveness, even if he is more guilty in front of you.
Then imagine breaking the connection. How would you like to do this? With scissors or cut with a sword? Remember how you look apart, free from each other.

How to let go of a deceased loved one

The death of a loved one is a real tragedy for those who have to deal with it. After such a blow of fate, it is not easy to get back on your feet and go on living a normal life. Especially when a young person close to us or even a child dies.

Many cannot accept the injustice of what happened. There are people who are not able to come to terms with this situation not a single year after death. Often they have an incessant dialogue with the deceased, as if he were still alive.

Tips:

Nobody denies your difficult situation. But do not forget about common sense. Try to convince yourself of the need to return to life. After all, it has already happened, and nothing can be changed. All the more so with tears and hysterics. If you stop grief-stricken now, it is possible to undermine your health and psyche. And it won't get any better, will it? Think about your loved ones survivors.
Often strong experiences haunt when a person feels guilty before the deceased. Perhaps you did not behave very well towards him, were rude or were not attentive enough, did not help when he needed it. But now nothing can be changed. And your suffering will not help the cause either. Therefore, concentrate better on living people. Try to behave better in these situations. Surely many of your close acquaintances also need help and support.
Think this way: he was not indifferent to me. Therefore, he would not like to see me in anguish and sadness. Indeed, no one really would want to become the cause of the suffering of a loved one.
Try to give all your strength to work. A good way to improve matters and forget about painful thoughts. Since there simply will be no time for them.
Think that the deceased has gone to a better world. According to Christianity, the human soul is immortal, only the body dies. Pray for him. If that doesn't work, talk to a priest. Ask all your questions. Don't be silent about anything. Sometimes, to find peace, you just need to speak out. Case from practice:

Victoria's story: “I never thought that such a grief could happen in my life. My beloved son died at the age of 7. For a long time I could not believe what had happened. It seemed that all this was not happening to me.

But the reality was monstrous. Life ceased to interest me completely, although other close people remained - my husband and eldest daughter. My husband signed me up to see a psychologist and literally forced me to go. To my surprise, I felt a little better after the first conversation.

Therefore, I continued my treatment. The psychologist helped me to look at what happened from the other side, to remember that other loved ones need me, to understand that it is possible to continue living even after the death of the child.

To stop driving thoughts about the past in your head and forgetting a person, you need fortitude and a wise attitude to the situation. If you are in a difficult situation, our specialists will certainly help you on. Do not become isolated in yourself and your grief.

The faster you take the first step, the fewer days you will have to spend in agony. An experienced psychologist is the best medicine for the soul and a harmonious life.

The memory, unfortunately, keeps not only pleasant moments of our life. Sometimes she constantly brings us back memories of mistakes or unreached heights. About what we wanted, but could not get. It is just as difficult sometimes to forget a person from our past life. It's painful, because you just get morally tired of such thoughts about someone, besides, you start to feel like an inferior person, you constantly scold yourself for weakness, but at the same time you build your life focusing on these memories.

It is difficult to forget your first love. Especially if this relationship turned out to be unsuccessful and ended in a broken heart. For many years, building your life, you can think about how the very first would appreciate it, how wonderful it would be to show him your successes and achievements now. And honestly, you can catch yourself thinking that you would like to make him regret that long-term breakup.

They also remember for a long time husbands or wives after a divorce, lovers with whom they spent a lot of time, who else may not have stopped loving. They remember friends who passed away.

And even longer in the memory are those who once inflicted a strong offense, even if these people were not very close. They remember traitors or rivals. Thoughts about these people are much more dangerous, they generate bitterness, because of them unhealthy negativity accumulates, which simply interferes with development.

And the saddest option - remember those with whom it was not possible to build a relationship, with a very strong desire to do so. Such thoughts simply make you live in the subjunctive mood. Everything constantly revolves around fictitious situations: “but if then everything turned out like this”, “if I said so then”, “if I did this”.

To stop spoiling your life with unnecessary thoughts and returning to the past or empty dreams of the unrealizable, you first need to understand what keeps a person in your thoughts so. What is the real reason for your suffering about someone who is far away.

The person to whom you want to prove something. Why is it so important? What exactly was your grudge against him? Did you really take offense at him? Most often, it turns out that the words just spoken once were similar to your own opinion, to your assessment of your own actions. They were just true at the time. Or, on the contrary, they only reflected your own fears. And this means that it is not a matter of a person, but of a specific resentment or, again, of one's own fear.

If we are talking about betrayal or treason, then again you remember the insult itself, and not the one who inflicted it. This fact itself is important, especially if it was not an isolated one, but humiliated you or somehow deprived you of the respect you deserve throughout the relationship. This means that the reason for the constant return of the offender to your thoughts is the experience of humiliation.

There are times when a person's love has passed, and therefore he honestly parted with you. And even if there was not such a strong feeling on your part, but only attachment, you continue to constantly think about it. At the heart of this situation is, to be honest, your spoiledness. Childhood feeling of a toy taken away. Like a child, you just don't want to come to terms with the fact that your longtime partner is entitled to a life of their own.

But when the relationship did not work out, but you really wanted them to be, you also fill your thoughts with a person who has long gone from your life from childhood stubbornness. There is a good old saying about the forbidden fruit.

When you were able to honestly admit to yourself why return in thoughts to the same person, you need to realize very well how wrong it all is. You think about someone who has not needed you and is not interested in you for a long time. And you do it because of your own spoiledness or because of self-doubt. When the true reason for your thoughts becomes apparent, then the emotional attitude towards such memories will change.

After that, one could simply say: let him go. But no one can explain to you how to let go of the memories. Better to go the other way. Recall what kind of person you were when you left the relationship, and compare it to what you are now. If you wanted to prove something to someone from the past, then you have already done it. Let the direction of your thoughts about the abuser also change. Before that, you seemed to put yourself below him, but after analyzing the picture of today, your bar will noticeably increase and such memories will no longer be relevant. Real proof can be found: Meet the abuser now. You don't have to communicate, just find a way to look at it from the outside. Believe me, most likely, you will simply regret him, he will turn out to be so pitiful.

A new meeting can heal from a failed love. Is your chosen one really that good, which you did not receive, but could not forget? Look at him. And in this case, it's even better to communicate. Analyze every moment of this meeting. The halo of romance will subside, you will stop tormenting yourself with dreams of the unfulfilled.

Do you think about him all the time and remember your happy past? Don't know how to mentally let go of a person you love? You remember his first touch to you, the first kiss, strong hugs ... His eyes, lips ... Hey, friend, you are still head over heels in love with him!

Parting with a loved one is hard, but even harder to let go of a man and learn to live without him. I will help you break out of this cycle of suffering and get rid of mental anguish. Forward to a happy future!

I want to tell you a story from my practice. I hope you learn from her ...

Once, on one of the usual weekdays, I was walking in the park. Enjoying the gentle May sun, I suddenly saw a girl sitting on a bench. She sobbed softly, and tears streamed down her cheeks. I immediately went up to her and asked what had happened to her. The girl, without even raising her eyes, began to pour out her soul:

I can't live like this anymore! I have no more strength. I think I'm going crazy. I constantly think about him, see his features in the faces of passers-by, hear his voice, I even smell his smell ...

We lived in a civil marriage for 3 happy, as it seemed to me, years. I dreamed that this man would someday become my husband. But at one point he somehow began to move away, after midnight to come home, writing off everything as "rubble" in his work. Then he suggested that I take a break in the relationship and disappeared. I was patiently waiting for him, he did not get in touch. After 2 weeks, he sent me a message with a proposal to leave and remain friends.

In that second, my world collapsed. This parting was like death to me. I could not imagine what I would do without him, this man was for me the whole meaning of my life. Since then, about a year has passed, and I was still waiting for him. I waited and hoped that she would come, or call, say that he had changed his mind, realized and the parting was a mistake ...

And this morning I unexpectedly met him at the bus stop, he was with another girl, tenderly embracing, whispering something in her ear. The ground slipped from under my feet and all my hopes were dashed. I don't want to live without him ...

Tears gushed from her eyes with even greater force, and I had no choice but to squeeze her tightly to me. I was literally shocked by the openness of this girl, because we were still strangers at that time.

If you, like my casual client, are familiar with the pain of parting, and you cannot understand where and for what reasons the man disappeared, then read -. And if you can't wait to find out detailed recommendations on how to forget and let go of your ex, then so be it, I will share them too!

Proven methods

Unleash your feelings

It is natural for a person to experience emotions; in general, an emotional outburst is good. You should not try to suppress emotions in yourself, you just need to throw them out. Understand, crying is good! It is normal to be angry, irritable, grief, melancholy and any other experiences and feelings! Your emotions are part of you! The main thing is not to cycle on them, but after splashing out, to be able to switch.

Don't embellish the past

Over and over again you return mentally to the past, over and over again you relive the happy moments of your life. And it seems that those times were the best in your life, only good memories float in your head treacherously ... And this is not surprising, because at the moment when you experience strong emotions, it is very difficult to remember anything bad.

It has been scientifically proven that a person's emotional state affects memory. Therefore, when you remember the good moments of your life, consciousness can invent or embellish the experience. In other words, memory can wear rose-colored glasses to match your thoughts.

Get away from him

To let him go is to forget. And in order to forget him, at least you should not see him. As they say - out of sight, out of mind! It is necessary to limit the time of communication with a once loved one.

Don't put yourself in a secondary role

You need to pay more attention to yourself. You should not cycle on thoughts of a failed relationship and become isolated.

Don't blame everyone in the world

Try to see the good in the people around you, you don't need to blame the whole world for your failures. Looking at a person through the prism of feelings, you, of course, will shield him in any situation, and anyone will be guilty of parting in your eyes, but not him. Look at your ex-lover soberly.

Don't let yourself be drowned in negative thoughts.

Remember once and for all, the brain is a part of you, which means you are able to control your thoughts. As soon as you start thinking negatively - stop! Sometimes it is very difficult to do it, but believe me - it's real.

Ask your friends for help

Friends will help to abstract, distract, if necessary, lend a shoulder and listen. Appreciate those who support and pay attention to you. And remember, you should not drown them in the sea of your tears, they should not be mired in your sorrows. Otherwise, you risk losing them too.

Sooner or later, there comes a time when it is simply necessary to "get out" in the head, to reassess the values, removing everything unnecessary. It helps open doors to a happy future. Try to get rid of unnecessary information in your head.

Remember, there is no definite period of time after which you will finally forget the person close to you once. Life does not end with the loss of a person, and how soon you can return to this very life is up to you. Make new acquaintances and don't be afraid to start from scratch.

Love yourself, believe in yourself, and know that the one and only can be right now waiting for you around the corner. Do not waste your nerves and energy on "someone else's future husband", hurry to meet your own.