Why do conflicts arise between parents and children. Conflicts between parents and children

18.12.2020

The family is the mainstay of human civilization. The culture and life position of each person is often laid down precisely by relatives and friends. Unfortunately, not a single association of people, including family, is complete without conflicts and quarrels. Mutual resentments can accumulate in people's memory for years, leading to indifference or even hatred between family members.

To understand why conflicts arise between parents and children, you need to take an impartial look at this problem. The first and most important step in solving problems between family members is to stop the flow of negative emotions, to soberly assess the situation, to listen to the child or spouse. Only a joint solution to the conflict can bring satisfaction to both sides.

Conflicts between parents and children. Causes

The most burning topic for most families is the relationship problems between parents and their offspring. Quarrels and confrontations between adults and children are inevitable, but, often, the wrong methods of resolving them form persistent hostility between people, which can last for decades. Is satisfying your ego worth it?

Conflicts between parents and children are inevitable, but you can minimize harm from them by understanding the main reasons why they arise. For example, parents can dominate their child in every possible way.

To force the child to obey them in everything, to impose his views on the world on him. Such a relationship will certainly bring satisfaction to authoritarian parents, but over time, their offspring will begin to adopt moral values from adults and become a selfish tyrant himself, which will lead to insoluble conflicts. However, a too soft attitude towards raising a child can bring equally bitter results.

Excessive care

Some parents take such great care of their babies that by doing so they cause irreparable harm to their character. Such children are not able to take care of themselves on their own. Caring parents throughout their lives instilled in them a sense of their own uniqueness, features. But when such a special child goes out into the world, it turns out that those around him are not ready to make concessions to him, causing a lot of negative emotions in the spoiled child.

Naturally, the negative received at school or on the street, the little favorite of the family will definitely bring home, which leads to inevitable quarrels and conflicts. Excessive custody is one of the reasons children and parents quarrel.

Conflict resolution in favor of parents

When conflicts arise between parents and children, the options for resolution are usually either in favor of the children or in favor of the parents. Both options are wrong, but let's consider the option when the parent says his weighty word, forcing the child to submit and do what is required of him.

Many adults mistakenly believe that such an attitude hardens and teaches him to take responsibility. But, in fact, the child simply learns to resolve any based only on his own desires, neglecting the desires of other people. Such a selfish attitude towards people will sooner or later make itself felt, because someday the child will repay his strict parents with the same coin.

With authoritarian parenting methods, severe conflicts between parents and children are inevitable. Moreover, coldness and alienation can accompany the relationship between babies and their parents for the rest of their lives. So what does it mean you need to indulge the children in everything and make concessions to them everywhere?

Conflict resolution in favor of the child

Many people ask themselves the question, But few are eager to learn how to properly resolve such issues. As we have already found out, some parents seek to resolve any conflicts with their children in their own favor.

There is truth and those who try to do everything for their beloved baby, constantly sacrificing their interests in favor of the child.

This approach makes the unfortunate child an egoist, unable to understand other people and establish normal communication with them. Also, the victim of a good relationship will not be able to resolve conflicts outside his family, because people at school or on the street will not make concessions, which will lead a child spoiled by parental kindness into a depressed state.

Joint conflict resolution

Conflicts between parents and children have a huge impact on character development. The reasons for quarrels, as well as the methods for resolving them, leave an indelible imprint in. Unfortunately, parents are not used to reckoning with the opinions of their little favorites, preferring to decide everything for them.

But the joint resolution of conflicts is the only correct solution! By talking with each other and trying to understand and accept the desires and interests of the conflicting parties, you can resolve the conflict so that everyone is in the black. This will not only save your nerves and strengthen relationships, but also teach your child to competently solve problems in the outside world.

Is it possible to avoid conflicts

It is quite normal for conflicts between parents and children. The problem of solving such situations is that the conflicting parties do not want to listen to each other, which leads to a lack of mutual understanding between them. And you just need to talk heart to heart. It is much easier for many to wonder why there are conflicts between parents and children than to just ask about it.

You should not be afraid of a frank conversation, since it is precisely such moments that help create between representatives of different generations. Modern parents simply do not consider it necessary to perceive their children as equals; as a result, many of them will face a lonely old age.

In a close family circle, conflicts cannot be avoided, because they are an integral part of interaction between people. However, if you solve unpleasant moments together and constantly consult with each other, then the negative from conflict situations will quickly pass, leaving no trace.

At what age do conflicts most often occur?

The most violent and ruthless quarrels begin when children reach adolescence. It is during this period that they most often seek to express their indignation, to get out of parental control. Teenagers have new, strange tastes or crazy desires imposed by fashion.

You should not scold your child for wanting to get a tattoo or piercing, it is better to start a conversation, find out what prompted him to take this step. Explain that upon reaching the age of majority, the child will be able to do what he wants, because by this age the wave of adolescent maximalism begins to subside and a person's tastes become less extreme. Why do conflicts arise between parents and children? Due to misunderstanding. Adolescence is the time when children need understanding the most, don't forget this.

Why do conflicts arise between parents and children?

Misunderstanding and unwillingness to take into account each other's interests are often the main causes of conflicts in the family. As a result, happy turns into a slow devouring of each other. All of this can be avoided by building relationships on understanding and mutually beneficial cooperation. Most so that everyone is satisfied, you just need to stop being guided only by your desires and interests. Build democratic and respectful relationships in your family now, and you can avoid conflicts in the future!

Classics of psychology

Causes of Conflict Between Parents and Children / Typical Parenting Mistakes

Once I read with some surprise in a psychological book that conflicts in the family are inevitable even in the best relationships, and that the point is not at all to avoid them or try to hush up, but to resolve them correctly. Over time, having looked closely at my life and those around me, I became convinced that this is really so.

Conflict situations lie in wait for us almost at every step, and in some cases the matter ends in an open dispute, in others - an unspoken and hidden resentment, and sometimes, and a real "battle". In our time, many books have already been written on how to constructively resolve conflicts. Today we will deal with this "science".

Causes of conflicts between parents and children

First, let's take a look at how and why conflicts arise between parents and children.

Let's take one of the typical examples (do you know it?): The family is sitting in front of the TV in the evening, but everyone wants to watch their own. For example, a son is an avid fan, and he expects to watch the broadcast of a football match. Mom is in the mood for another episode of a foreign film. A dispute flares up: mom can't miss the episode, she “waited for her all day”; the son cannot refuse the match in any way: he "waited for him even longer!"

Another example.

Mom is in a hurry to finish the preparations for the reception. Suddenly it is discovered that there is no bread in the house. She asks her daughter to go to the store. But that sports section will start soon, and she does not want to be late. Mom asks to "get into her position", daughter does the same. One insists, the other does not yield. Passions are running high ...

What do these stories have in common? What are the causes of conflicts between parents and children? What creates a conflict situation and leads to the "heat of passions"?

Obviously, the point is a clash of interests between parent and child. Note that in such cases, the satisfaction of the desire of one side means infringement of the interests of the other and causes strong negative experiences: irritation, resentment, anger. Using the terminology we already know, we can say that when interests collide, a problem arises for both: the child and the parent.

What to do in such cases?

Parents solve this problem in different ways. Some say: "In general, there is no need to lead to conflicts." Perhaps the intention is good ... in principle. But, unfortunately, no one is safe from the fact that our and our child's desires will one day diverge. Life is too complicated for the interests of parents and children (and parents as well) to always coincide.

When contradictions begin, some parents do not see any other way out, how to insist on their own, while others, on the contrary, believe that it is better to give in, keeping the peace.

This is how two non-constructive ways of resolving conflicts appear, which are known under the general name "Only one wins". Let's see how this happens in life.

The first non-constructive way of resolving conflicts: "The parent wins."

For example, in the event of a conflict on the TV, the mother may say in irritation:

Nothing, you can wait with your football. Just try to switch again!

And in the second situation with bread, the words of the mother can sound like this:

But all the same, you will go and buy bread! And your section will not go anywhere. What is it, you will never be interrogated ?!

What do the children answer to this? Let us recall that they are emotionally charged, and orders, accusations, threats are heard in the phrases of the mother.

This is your stupid movie!

No I'm not going! I won't go - that's all, and you won't do anything to me!

Parents who are inclined to use the first method believe that it is necessary to defeat the child, to break his resistance. Give him free rein, so he "sits on his neck", "will do what he wants."

Without noticing it, they show children a dubious example of behavior: "always achieve what you want, regardless of the desires of the other." And children are very sensitive to the manners of their parents, and from early childhood they are imitated. So in families where authoritarian, forceful methods are used, children quickly learn to do the same. They seem to return the lesson taught to adults, and then "the scythe finds it on the stone."

There is another version of this method: gently but persistently demand that the child fulfill his desire. This is often accompanied by explanations with which the child ultimately agrees. However, if such pressure is a constant tactic of parents, with the help of which they always achieve their goal, then the child learns another rule: "My personal interests (desires, needs) do not count, you still have to do what the parents want or demand."

In some families, this goes on for years, and the children are constantly defeated. They tend to grow up either aggressive or overly passive. But in both cases, they accumulate resentment and resentment, their relationship with their parents cannot be called close and trusting.

The second non-constructive way of resolving conflicts: "Only the child wins."

This path is followed by parents who are either afraid of conflicts (“peace at any cost”), or are ready to constantly sacrifice themselves “for the good of the child,” or both.

In these cases, children grow up as selfish, not accustomed to order, unable to organize themselves. All this may not be so noticeable within the family "general compliance", but as soon as they go out the door of the house and get involved in some common cause, they begin to experience great difficulties. At school, at work, in any company, no one wants to indulge them anymore. With their overestimated demands on others and their inability to meet others, they remain alone, often meet with ridicule and even rejection.

In such a family, parents accumulate a deaf dissatisfaction with their own child and their fate. In old age, these “eternally compliant” adults are often lonely and abandoned. And only then does an epiphany come: they cannot forgive themselves for softness and unrequited dedication.

Thus, improperly resolved family conflicts, large and small, inevitably produce an “accumulation effect”. And under his influence, character traits are formed, which then turn into the fate of children and parents. Therefore, it is very important to be attentive to every conflict of interest between you and your child.

Based on materials from the book “Communicate with a child. How?"

All parents are looking forward to the birth of their baby. They try to surround him with love and care, devote all their time to him and put in everything that they consider necessary. Meanwhile, after a while, when the baby grows up, conflicts inevitably arise in the family.

Often this situation confuses young parents. Mom and Dad do not know how to behave with their grown-up offspring, and further aggravate the situation with their wrong actions. In this article, we will tell you why conflicts arise in the family between parents and children, and how they can be resolved.

Causes of conflicts between parents and children

Absolutely all conflicts between the closest people arise due to misunderstandings. A small child, barely reaching 2-3 years old, begins to realize himself as a separate person and tries with all his might to prove that he can make decisions and perform certain actions without the help of his mother. At the same time, he does not always succeed, which often causes indignation on the part of his parents.

In adolescence, children have a similar problem. Young people and girls want to separate from their parents as soon as possible, who still consider their child a small child. In addition, mom and dad are overly enthusiastic about their work and do not devote enough time to their offspring, which in the future also often results in family quarrels and scandals.

Most professional psychologists identify the following reasons for the occurrence of conflicts between parents and children:

age features, or psychological crises;
lack of attention or on the part of parents;
excessive on both sides, unwillingness to listen to the interlocutor;
rejection of the opinion of the opposite side;
a mismatch in outlooks on life, which becomes especially noticeable in adolescence;
excessive fatigue of parents, "fixation" at work and other matters not related to the life of the child.

Of course, getting out of this situation can be very difficult. Especially if, in addition to the parents and the child, other persons, for example, grandmothers, are involved in the conflict. Very often, in this state of affairs, the authority of mom and dad in the eyes of their son or daughter is significantly reduced, as a result of which it is impossible to achieve certain educational goals.

Despite this, young parents need to try to resolve the conflict that has arisen as soon as possible. To do this, you need to stay as calm as possible, learn to listen to your child and be very attentive to his life position, views and tastes.

In difficult situations, when all attempts by parents to improve relations with their child fail, you can turn to a professional psychologist who will help create a favorable microclimate in the family and find a common language for the two opposing sides.

In addition, in all cases, it is necessary to pay special attention to psycho-prevention of conflicts between parents and children, since any quarrel and misunderstanding is much easier to prevent than to correct in the future. The main elements of this direction are as follows.

A conflict arose between the child and the parent and, unfortunately, not resolved, but deepening ...

How to resolve contradictions so that everyone wins?

We need to learn to find alternatives, it is no coincidence that we live in a world of constant compromises and negotiations. Finding an alternative means being able to resolve the conflict between the parent and the child in such a way that everyone feels better and understands the essence of the contradiction. It includes reaching mutual agreement.

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Conflicts between parents and children:

reasons and ways to overcome

A conflict arose between the child and the parent and, unfortunately, not resolved, but deepening ...

How to resolve contradictions so that everyone wins?

Parents, first of all, should remember that looking for alternatives is different from “giving” advice and instructions like “Do it”, “I think you should ...” Such advice is useless for the following reasons:

Advice only makes the child more dependent on the parent. It does not help the child learn to solve problems and gain independence;

Often the child is skeptical about the advice of an adult and does not like to be told what to do and how to do it. On the contrary, he seeks to get involved in the discussion of the problem;

The question arises, who is to blame if parental advice does not work - a child or a parent?

Teaching a child to find an alternative means helping him choose the best course of action and taking responsibility for implementing a decision.

There are certain stages of finding an alternative:

Definition of a contradiction or problem;

Development of alternative solutions;

Consideration and evaluation of alternative solutions;

Choosing an alternative and implementing a solution;

Determining the moment in the future when progress can be measured.

Although, at first glance, all this can be very simple in practical application, nevertheless, there are a number of key points that must be understood before starting to use this scheme. Sit next to your child and explain the process of finding alternative solutions and how they can help resolve conflicts. It must be remembered that each participant in the conflict is a person; therefore, everyone must be treated with dignity and respect. Contradictions are successfully resolved when everyone understands what exactly these stages of the process involve. By using all of these steps in resolving a parent-child conflict, a parent can avoid many other conflict-related problems.

Although some contradictions are resolved on their own, while others are easily overcome without going through all the stages, it is necessary for both the parent and the child to understand what exactly is included in each stage.

Stage I. Determination of the contradiction or problem.

1. The parent must be sure that the moment chosen for the search for an alternative is good both for himself and for the child. The child, like everyone else, is offended if he is cut off or rejected.

2. A parent should not be afraid to say, "What happened is a problem and I want you to help solve it." You need to adhere to the following goals and rules:

Tell it as it is. If you, as a parent, feel strong at this point, it makes sense that you are the one who turns to the child with a question;

Avoid accusations that only force the child to defend themselves and reduce the chances of resolving the conflict;

Using joint actions, the parent should make the child understand that they must unite in the search for a solution in which no one will be disadvantaged and which requires a “meeting” between the child and the parent. It is important for the child to believe that the parent sincerely desires his help and respects his ideas.

The first phase of the search for alternatives must be successfully completed before attempts are made to implement the other four phases. In some cases, this step turns out to be very simple, for example, when choosing clothes. The problem is clear: "What dress should I buy?" The problem “Does Sonya need a new dress?” Becomes less clear. There may be a contradiction here: "Does she need a new dress more than new shoes?" or "Does she need any more new dresses or additional training sessions that cost money?"

Stage II. Search and development of alternative solutions.

This stage requires the child and parent to analyze different decisions. In order to start brainstorming, a parent can ask the child: “What exactly should we analyze? What are your ideas about our problem? " or “Two heads are better than one. I’m willing to bet you and I will have some good ideas. ” To help you find a solution to a problem, try to keep the following key points in mind:

Let your child be the first to suggest their solution. You will use your opportunity later;

Give your child enough time to think over his suggestions, especially if he is still young;

Be open, avoid evaluating, judging or belittling the child's proposed solutions;

Avoid statements that create a belief in the child that you will not accept any of the proposed solutions;

Support the child, especially in cases where several children are involved in the search for alternatives;

Brainstorm until you are convinced that you cannot squeeze out new alternatives. As a rule, people generate the maximum number of ideas in the first 5-10 minutes.

Stage III. Research, deliberation, evaluation of alternative solutions.

This stage involves investigating and evaluating those solutions that appear to be capable of resolving the contradiction or problem. All possible alternatives, as well as the consequences of the decision, are played in the imagination.

It is very important at this stage for the parent to involve the child in thinking and evaluating various decisions. The parent may say, "What do we think of the decisions we have come to?" or: "Is it possible to say that any solution is better than others?"

This phrase can be called the phrase "weeding out". Decisions are discarded, only those that are acceptable to the child and parent remain. The parent should be honest about how they feel about the decision. This can be done with remarks like “I’m not going to be very happy with this option” or “I don’t feel that this suits my needs”, or “This does not seem fair to me”.

Stage IV. Choosing an alternative and implementing a solution.

The choice of an alternative and the implementation of the solution will be easier if the remaining stages of the study of alternatives have been passed and an open and honest exchange of opinions has taken place between the parent and the child. In order to choose the best alternative, remember the following:

Ask questions like, “Do you think this will lead us to a solution? Will everyone be satisfied with this decision? Does this solve our problem? "

The solutions are not specified. None of the decisions should be considered final and not subject to change. The parent could tell the child, "Sounds good, let's give it a try and see if this solves our problems?" or “I would like to try this. And you?"

Write down the solutions on paper, especially if it includes a number of points so that more than one is not forgotten.

Everyone involved must understand that everyone is doing their part in finding a solution. To summarize, we can say, "It looks like we have reached an agreement" or "I think I am clear about our willingness to be ..."

It should be clear to all participants in the discussion what exactly is required of them and how mutual agreement can be reached. They should constantly turn to the questions: "Who?", "What?", "Where?", "How?". For example: “Who is responsible for this? When do we start and when do we finish? Where will all this take place? How will all this be done? "

Controversies surrounding chores and work “responsibilities” can be resolved by asking questions such as: “How often? Which days? What are the evaluation criteria? " In conflicts related to sleep, the parent and child can discuss who should keep track of the time, what happens if the child does not go to bed on time, or why the child does not want to go to bed.

Implementation issues should only be discussed after all panellists have finalized their opinions on how to solve the problem. Implementation is usually easier when differences of opinion have been resolved.

Stage V. Choosing the right moment to assess the correctness of the decision.

This often overlooked stage is actually very important because not all decisions are in the best interests of everyone - parent or child.

Therefore, both the child and the parent need to go back and consider how things are going, how much the chosen solution satisfies everyone. The child often agrees to a decision that later turns out to be difficult to implement. It is necessary to check with each other, asking: “How is the implementation of the decision going? Do you still find it satisfactory? "

Sometimes, at the assessment stage, new information appears that requires a revision of the original decision. Evaluation is an important part of the process of finding alternatives. Evaluation will show how successful the solution was found, whether any correction is necessary.

Attitudes play an important role in the search for alternatives. Both parent and child must:

Want to hear from a partner;

Want to resolve the conflict;

Understand and, if possible, accept the feelings of the partner;

Believe that the other person can also find a good solution;

Look at the other person as an independent person, with their special feelings.

Behaviors that implement the attitude of understanding, empathy, trust and acceptance include:

Eye contact (look at a partner, but do not drill him with a gaze);

Sign language (natural relaxed open gestures and postures). This includes your own demeanor, expressing a desire to resolve the conflict;

Listening carefully to your partner, not so much about what he is saying as supporting him and encouraging him to continue and clarify his thoughts and feelings.

Why does the alternative research method work? The process of exploring alternatives turns out to be effective in resolving child-parental conflicts for the following reasons:

The child has a motive to find and implement a solution.

There is a chance to find the best solution.

The thinking abilities of the child develop.

The democratic philosophy of the parents leads to the best result.

Harmony and love arises among family members.

The parent's tendency to coercion is weakened.

The need for a demonstration of strength, both on the part of the parent and on the part of the child, is eliminated.

The study of alternatives concerns the real problems of the people involved.

Perhaps, in some cases, the method of researching alternatives will not work, make sure that you go through all the stages of the process, not missing a single point. If, in spite of everything, no solution is found, it is useful to keep in mind the following:

Continue the discussion, but take a break. Sometimes after a break, people have new ideas about both the problem itself and the ways to solve it;

Go back to stage two and look for other possible solutions;

Encourage yourself and others in the discussion. You might ask, "Have we found all the possible solutions?"

Look for a hidden problem. You might say, "Strange, what is keeping us from solving the problem?"

Typically, one or more of the proposed paths lead to a way out of the impasse.

The parent should keep in mind that at first the agreements reached may be violated for the following reasons:

The agreement proved difficult to implement.

Lack of experience, self-discipline or self-regulation in the implementation of the plan.

The existing dependence of one participant in the conflict on another can also become an obstacle to its resolution.

Forgetfulness.

An attempt to test the true interest of another.

One of the participants in the discussion only pretends to agree with the proposed solution, since strives to do something else.

If the agreement is violated, the culprit must be shown directly and honestly what happened. This must be done as quickly as possible. This is a form of logical consequence.

The process of exploring alternatives will only work if both parent and child understand what is required of them. When building a relationship with your child, it is important to have the ability to listen, respond and explore alternatives. The main goal of each of these skills is to create a sense of their own usefulness and competence in the child. To do this, it is necessary to analyze the question "Who owns the problem?"

In parent-child relationships, as in any other, not everything goes smoothly. Sometimes problems and contradictions arise. You need to be prepared for the fact that such a moment will come and treat it as a normal phenomenon, with which the parent and the child know how to work constructively.

The first question a parent should decide when a problem arises is the question of whose problem it is.

Sometimes the problem belongs only to the child or only to the parent, in other cases it is divided between both depending on what one of them wants to achieve from the other, or the problem may concern the family as a whole.

In order for you, as a parent, to determine the “owner” of the problem, you need to ask yourself:

Whose problem is this?

Who is difficult with whom?

Who can't get things done?

So what will help us figure out whether the child is the “owner” of the problem, or there is no relationship problem at all, or the parent is the “owner”?

1. The child has a problem due to the fact that his need is not satisfied. This is not a parental problem, since the child by his behavior in no way interferes with the parents. Here are some examples of problems that belong to a child: Sveta feels that her friend Tanya is rejecting her. Dima is not doing very well at school. Petya is upset that he did not manage to assemble the yard football team.

2. The child's personal needs are met, but the child's behavior prevents the parent from satisfying his own needs. Hence, the parent has a problem. Examples of parenting problems include: a child jumping on a sofa; the child interrupts you when you are talking with friends; the child scatters toys and all his belongings all over the house.

Parent beware! Too often, parents mistakenly believe that all the problems of their children are also the problems of their parents. This is not true and even harmful to the child. In reality, by acting in accordance with such ideas, the parent deprives the child of the opportunity to try his hand at solving the problem. Remember that the child has the right to find solutions to problems and solve them himself.

Once the parent decides who the problem belongs to, there are several paths open to him. For example, if the problem belongs to the child, the parent can choose what to do:

Listen carefully;

Look for alternatives;

Provide the child with the opportunity to face the consequences of his independence himself;

Combine the above.

If the problem belongs to the parent, he can resort to independent research of alternatives.

Remember that the responsible parent must be able to identify who owns the problem; he is satisfied with the appropriate behavior that leads to the emergence of mutual trust.

Conflict between parents and children is a common social phenomenon that accompanies the growing up of a child and the formation of his personality. Conflicts between parents and adolescents can arise even in the warmest relationships - they do not bypass even prosperous families. Why do conflicts arise between parents and children? To answer this topical question, it is necessary to understand the nature of the conflict situation and know the ways of its settlement.

In search of the causes of conflicts between parents and children, one should not delve into the jungle of family psychology or sociology - they lie on the surface and are generally known.

Causes of conflict situations

Insufficient attention or, conversely, excessive parental control in relation to the younger generation, lack of competent educational policy, unwillingness to listen will certainly lead not only to quarrels and scandals, but also harm the psychological development of the teenager.
Clash of interests of the older and younger generations. Meeting the needs and desires of one side without taking into account the interests and needs of the other leads to powerful emotional outbursts of negative energy.
Among the qualities of parents that lead to conflicts in the family, one can single out a conservative mindset, adherence to bad habits, and authoritarian opinion. Among children's qualities, selfishness, disobedience, stubbornness, laziness and deceit lead to conflicts. Such a contradiction will surely find a way out in the form of a quarrel.
Lack of harmony in the family. If the basis of the relationship between spouses is hostility to each other, then the level of psychological stress in the family will tend to increase. The atmosphere of constant hostility between parents can lead to mental deviations in the development of the child.
Domestic and social problems. Often, parents transfer the negativity from the burden of problems into communication with their children, which leads to the formation of complexes and feelings of guilt in the child.
The inability or unwillingness of parents to restrict too free behavior of children. The child, feeling his own impunity and permissiveness, begins to behave accordingly. And troubles come in sight, in and out of parents.
The psychological immaturity of the parents. The older generation's lack of wisdom in communicating with a child and elementary knowledge about the peculiarities of upbringing are the reasons for misunderstanding and disagreements.
Age component. Each period of a child's development has its own characteristic nuances that parents should take into account when communicating with him.

Psychologists distinguish two such age periods:

primary school age - during this period of social adaptation, criticism from adults is perceived especially sharply;
- the stage when all the internal contradictions of the child come out, the teenager has a desire to protest not only to the school, teachers and peers, but to the whole world.

Ways to resolve controversial and conflict situations:

Raising the ability of parents to make concessions and seek a compromise. Finding a suitable alternative enables each party to the dispute to understand each other and find a constructive solution. Parents need to realize that the search for a compromise solution is not about providing the child with a "standard set" of advice and instructions, but helping him choose the optimal model of behavior and in the awareness of responsibility for the decision.
The ability to view conflicts between parents and adolescents not as a problem, but as a signal of gaps c. Attention should be paid to the child, to realize the fact that the views on life of parents and children can differ significantly.
Parents should fill knowledge gaps c. Each stage of growing up is accompanied by conflicts typical of this period. But knowledgeable parents know how to control these processes and know how to prevent common disagreements from developing into a more negative situation.
Formation of common family hobbies. It is necessary that each family member, in the event of a conflict situation, has the opportunity to transform negative energy into positive. Common interests will not only help the family more quickly reconcile after a quarrel, but also provide an excellent opportunity to get distracted and get rid of destructive aggression.
Distribution of responsibilities for housekeeping among all family members. Everyone, whether adult or child, should take part in household chores. When all responsibilities are borne by only one person, this inevitably leads to resentment and disputes. In addition, instructing children to do simple things develops in them a sense of responsibility and awareness of their importance in society.
Constant confidential communication of adults with a child, understanding of his inner world. It is important not to leave the child alone with his own experiences, it is necessary to learn to listen and empathize, to show support and care.
Control of irritation and discontent. Before splashing out emotions, you need to remember that the child is just copying the behavior of his closest people - parents. In conflict situations, the behavior of the younger generation largely depends on the example set by the adults.
Giving the child the right to choose. This point is of particular importance in adolescence, when the desire for freedom exceeds all permissible limits. It is extremely important at this stage to treat the teenager as an independent person, accept his interests, respect his personal space, and reckon with his position.
Tolerance for shortcomings. In no case should you compare your children with anyone else - each child is individual and unique. Instead of looking for flaws, it is better to give the child the opportunity to prove himself as an independent and individual person. Of course, all this must take place under the imperceptible supervision of adults.