What to do if in love with your boss. What to do and what to do if you fall in love with your boss? What to do if you are in love with your boss

30.10.2019

Observe, and see in His eyes the delight of your appearance. You - about horror !!! - has ceased to be late. For two whole years you ran into your office, writing stories about a broken alarm clock, your neighbors who flooded you, and your grandmother, who urgently had to be transferred across the road. And now you are present at the workplace fifteen minutes before the start of the working day. Colleagues are surprised: where did such a change come from? But you only smile mysteriously. You just got a new boss a couple of months ago.

It would seem solid pluses. But... love affair at work- the thing itself is not easy, and the relationship with the boss is fraught with even more pitfalls. Let's try to figure out what are the most common problems you can face.

An affair with the boss. Problem one - there is no reciprocity

“We choose, we are chosen, as it often does not coincide” - sang the heroine of Svetlana Kryuchkova in “Big Change”. The problem of nonreciprocity is acute in any relationship, and “boss-subordinate” pairs are no exception. You melt from one of his glances, but he does not even think about you. In your fantasies, you have already done everything you can with him, and he perceives you exclusively as a work colleague. The situation can be further complicated by the fact that your boss will deliberately keep his distance, since in the hierarchy of male values, work occupies an order of magnitude higher than personal relationships.

Natalya, 24 years old: “My boss, Andrey, is an imposing and interesting man of 36 years old. Purposeful, smart, with great taste - in general, just an ideal. After several months of working together, I realized that he occupied all my thoughts. But Andrey stubbornly ignored all attempts at flirting, did not react to little female tricks and kept his distance with all his might. Although it seemed to me that I was interesting to him. I have never been able to break this wall. I think the problem is that he had some kind of block in his head: to twist an affair with a subordinate- not properly".

Basically, falling in love with the boss- a thing rather positive than negative. Like any love, even if there is no reciprocity on his part. If these feelings give you strength, lift your spirits, promote creativity - this is only a plus. Have you noticed that, being in love, you attract men like a magnet? There is nothing surprising. A woman in love always radiates fluids of happiness, which cannot go unnoticed. And, perhaps, your other half will be among those who fall under your spell. A platonic love for the boss and your failed romance will remain a bright memory in your mind.

Another question is when your feelings are heated to the limit, and the chosen one is cold, like an iceberg in the ocean. You have already tried all the known ones to interest him, but you have not achieved anything. At night, you sob into your pillow and don't know what to do next. In this case, you need to either change something in yourself, or, if this does not work out, change your job. Since forgetting the person you are forced to see every day is much more difficult.

An affair with the boss. The second problem is the negative from colleagues

However, if you are lucky and your sympathy with your boss is mutual, be prepared that, noticing your interest in each other, the team will take up arms against you. This alignment is especially likely if the team is female.

Olga, 27 years old: “When a new head, Oleg, came to our department, we immediately felt sympathy. He is only 4 years older than me, we have many common interests, we treat many things in a similar way. I have rarely met people with whom it would have been so easy for me! We started communicating outside of work - sometimes we went to the movies, to concerts. At times we dined together. Even before the moment we started dating, I began to feel negativity from my female colleagues. Despite the fact that Oleg and I did not advertise our communication, they apparently felt that something was brewing between us. People whom I considered almost friends yesterday have practically ceased to contact me. It was quite difficult for me to be in such an atmosphere, and I decided to quit, because I was not ready to sacrifice my relationship with my beloved for the sake of the team. "

Several factors come into play here. The first is banal female jealousy. Even if your colleagues are quite happy in marriage, the fact that your boss chose you from all of them will haunt them. This is the feminine essence (or, as one of my acquaintances used to say, “feminine bitterness”). The second factor is that your environment will think that, thanks to having an affair with the boss, you are in a special position. And even if in fact your beloved demands more from you than from the rest, but the feminine principle "against whom are we friends?" in the case of your romance with the boss, it takes on special relevance.

An affair with the boss. Problem three - he is the boss even at home

The one who was your boss yesterday is your boyfriend today? But here's the bad luck: he considers you his subordinate not only at the workplace, but also at home. Such cases are also not uncommon.

Katya, 26 years old: “We met Daniel when I worked as a store administrator, and he was a director. They began to meet, and then live together. No matter how much I tried to explain to him that work is one thing, and personal relationships are quite another, in the family he still behaved with me like a boss with a subordinate. In the end, because of this, we parted. "

Long-term executives are often accustomed to a particular communication style. It's good if your partner knows how to separate the personal from the professional. And if not? Try to talk to him, explain that you are not satisfied with this state of affairs. Be extremely frank, tell me what this attitude towards yourself outside offends you. The person who really appreciates you will definitely listen.

An affair with the boss. The fourth problem - love or work?

As already clear, in most cases relationship with the boss, for one reason or another, you will be faced with a choice - either feelings or work. Before you start , prioritize for yourself. If at this stage professional development in this organization is more important to you, oh office romance better forget it right away. But if you understand that this man is so important to you that you are ready to sacrifice your career for the sake of your relationship, then feel free to take a step.

Marina, 31 years old: “I got a job as an assistant to the head of the sales department. With the boss, Maxim, we had a good relationship from the very beginning, but there was no question of any. Plus, he was married. Feelings flared up after about six months of working together. No matter how trite, after the New Year's corporate party. We danced all evening, and after that I realized that this was not just sympathy. I AM fell in love with my boss! Maxim told me that they have not lived together with his wife for a long time, only formally they are still spouses. After six months of our relationship, he filed for divorce, and a few months later invited me to marry him. We have been together for several years, and we are happy! True, I had to quit my job. But I don't regret a bit. "

Everyone dreams of finding their other half, but no one knows where and under what circumstances the meeting will take place. And, it is quite possible that the man who, by chance, turned out to be your boss, is ... And the story of how the walls of the office connected two loving hearts will become your family legend.

Elena Yarkova
Women's magazine JustLady

“I fell in love with my boss - a man much older than me. About the role model, the image of the dad, and so on ─ nonsense. I grew up in a full-fledged family, I love my father very much and I don't need “substitutes”. He is 17 years older than me. Some say "in whole", but for me - "only 17". He reciprocates my feelings. But as much as I am happy now, I am just as unhappy. He insists that no one knows about us. I do not see the development of relations yet. I am ready to live at work, to give up everything. And I'm afraid. I don’t want to lose my job, but I don’t want to lose him either. How do you make sense of all this? What to do?"

Olga (22 years old)

Psychologist's answer:

The issue will have to be dealt with sequentially. Let's go in order.

Age difference. It so happened that before a woman in 40 years was considered quite mature. Accordingly, “I had to get married” and give birth at the age of 18-20. The age difference between spouses was most often no more than 10 years, because if it reached 18-20 years, then it was considered practically a leap in a generation. Now everything is different - the average life expectancy and the average age of women in labor have increased. Today the expression "much older than me" is not as relevant as it used to be. It's another matter if the age difference reaches 30-40 years, but that's another story.

Father prototype. For a girl, the first man in her life is her dad. It is according to her father that the girl composes a portrait of her life partner. The choice depends a lot on the relationship between the daughter and the father. Often they choose partners that are 10 or more years older than themselves, girls who received additional love, care and affection from their father in childhood. For this, the family does not have to be incomplete: the father was busy earning money, did not give his daughter the necessary support. Growing up, such a girl unconsciously chooses a man older than herself in order to compensate for the lack of paternal love and attention, which was not received in childhood. Also, the reason for choosing an age partner may be the daughter's strong love for her father ─ love that is close to idealizing a person. In this case, growing up, the girl is looking for an almost “second copy” of her father, since with him she feels comfortable and safe.

Feeling "unhappy" is explained by the impossibility of an open relationship at the moment. In a state of love, we want to shout to the whole world about our feelings, share this joy with others, but when this is impossible, we become unhappy. The key to the success of any relationship is openness. Talk to the man using the "I am messages" method. The essence of the technique is to conduct a conversation not through a complaint ( "You don't want to tell anyone about me because you ..."), and through your feelings ( “I feel unhappy because we are hiding our relationship. I'm confused and I want to understand, are we a couple? Yes, I have feelings for you and would like to understand what you feel about me and whether there is a prospect for our relationship. ").

There is no need to be afraid of such a conversation. Fear comes when there is uncertainty. If it is resolved, it will be easier to understand the situation, to accept and understand it.

To build confidence, you can prepare yourself for the conversation with a good exercise. Write a “letter” to a man ─ write on a piece of paper everything that you want to say to him through “I messages”. Reread what you have written several times ─ it will help you to be more confident in the conversation. It is important to prepare for any outcome of the dialogue, but not to wind yourself up and not anticipate the outcome. Of course, if you want to speed up the development of events and somehow resolve the situation.

The right relationship with the manager is the key to fast promotion. It is important to please your boss immediately after starting the job: in the future, the first impression is difficult to change. The relationship with management affects the relationship of all team members. You cannot openly flatter or adapt to the leader; such behavior will damage the employee's reputation among colleagues.

Work progress depends on the location of the boss.

How to behave with superiors

An executive officer is a mentor. He guides subordinate workers and defines the general atmosphere in the team. It is necessary to listen to the authorities, listen to their criticism and thank for their help. A friendly but discreet attitude is always welcome in a company or organization. You should not try to make friends with the leader: such a relationship can harm the employee and create discomfort in the team.

Relationships with superiors are built gradually, as the responsibility assigned to the employee grows. The key to correct cooperation is a relationship of trust, when an employee speaks frankly with a manager about problems and complications that have arisen.

It is more difficult for a man to please a boss for a woman: wrong relationships can arise between employees of different genders. Flirting or flirting, violation of business etiquette and familiar behavior is unacceptable. A male boss is a professional who can only be consulted for business matters.

Correct subordination

Subordination is the basis of the relationship between the leader and the subordinate. If the members of the working group are aware of their responsibilities, it is easier for them to build a model of behavior and effective interaction. Business etiquette determines the atmosphere in the team:

equal employees should not infringe on each other;
bosses set the tone for communicating with employees;
the atmosphere in the team depends on the behavior of the management;
the bosses deserve respect and respect.

If an employee does not agree with the beliefs or instructions of their superiors, they should not enter into arguments with higher management. This behavior is a violation of command, punishable by a severe reprimand. Do not raise your voice or address your boss with disrespect.

It is not only disrespectful, but also unacceptable to challenge the decisions of the authorities.

After signing the contract (hiring), the employee gets acquainted with the internal charter of the company, with its official and conditional rules of conduct. The employee agrees with the company's rules of business etiquette and the penalties for violating them.

Business conversation

It is important to build business communication with both a female boss and a male leader. Regardless of gender difference, a leader is perceived as a faceless professional, a person with experience in solving professional problems. It is more difficult for a woman boss to please, because a woman's nature notices every nuance.

Business communication is based on mutual respect: even if colleagues do not like the leader, you cannot criticize the leader. Reasonable claims are made to superiors in a courteous, calm manner. Shouting or defending your interests emotionally is impossible - such behavior puts an end to the employee's reputation.

How to please a new boss

It is not difficult to please the new bosses if you respect the chain of command and fulfill your duties. Avoid sticking to specific tactics or writing a plan to win the leadership's love. An employee is valued for experience and knowledge, not for the ability to make many friends. You shouldn't neglect friendly communication either. To please the management in a new place will help:

grammatically correct speech;
restraint;
loyalty and patience;
sociability;
equilibrium.

When you come to a new place, you need to take care of your own image. You should adhere to the dress code, do not get out of the rules of the established team. There is no need to try to win the trust of all new employees: this behavior is indicative of management and does not benefit the new employee.

Profanity or rudeness will ruin the new employee's reputation. The bosses will not have to interfere in the affairs of the team if this employee gradually merges into the life of the working group. Communication in a team and conversations with superiors differ not only in the restraint of the employee, but also in his mood. Don't bombard the new leadership with jokes or make the workflow fun. The frivolity of a new employee is a bad trait that catches the eye of the boss.

Balance and loyalty are important when communicating with a leader

An employee's image is his calling card. His personal development in the company directly depends on the relationships that he has managed to build. The fewer conflicts and quarrels he arranged, the easier it is for him to seek a promotion. The management of a modern company values such personal qualities in employees as:

purposefulness;
equilibrium;
sociability;
the ability to admit mistakes.

The first time in a new place will show how receptive and stress-resistant a person is. To please a manager, you need to demonstrate concentration and ability to solve even the most difficult tasks without unnecessary emotions.

An employee's reputation is influenced by his skills: how compliant and loyal he is. The strong-willed character of an employee is appreciated only in cases where such qualities are beneficial to the common cause.

The employee's reputation must correspond to the declared resume - then even the most demanding bosses will be able to please.

Taking risks is part of growing up. If a person does not know how to take risks, he does not develop. Leaders will appreciate the employee's initiative, his aspirations, if they do not harm the team. Collaboration and the ability to ask for help are also assessed by the executive officer.

Psychologists advise against focusing on one goal - to make a good impression on the boss. Such a goal is devoid of a correct attitude. The motivation for development lies in striving to improve your skills and gain new experience.

Psychologist's advice on how to gain the respect of the management:

Immediately after getting a new position, try to communicate with your boss only to the point. You shouldn't run to his office for any reason.
There is no need to present yourself in the best light against the background of guilty employees.
You should not inform employees, talk about problems in the team.
You cannot address the higher management through the head of your boss.
Do not argue with management in front of all subordinates.

You cannot be afraid of your own mistakes. An employee who does not know how to admit a mistake does not deserve respect. He learns, improves and gains the necessary experience. For the correct interaction with the authorities, you should worry about your qualifications.

Obsession with one task creates discomfort around the employee. In trying to make a good impression, he is under constant stress and breaks down on coworkers. It is important to create a positive atmosphere around you: rewards from your superiors can be achieved by hard work and responsibility.

Women often dream of having a reliable, successful and wealthy man next to them. Bosses often fall under such a description, and if the leader is also handsome, then here you can easily lose your head.

And these women, "head over heels in love" with their bosses in our time, is becoming more and more.

Very often, subordinates in love do not at all think about what such an office romance may threaten in the future. As a rule, a person whose heart is overflowing with love tries to see only the good, especially for the beautiful half of humanity.

Girls often see everything in a rosy light, and as for a possible relationship with a boss, they recall only successful and happy examples, the ending of which was necessarily a wedding.

But they will be very disappointed, because in reality everything is not at all so carefree and happy as it seems at first. An office romance can damage both career and reputation.

A relationship with a manager most often arises for two reasons. Firstly, the woman recently got a new job, and the new chef aroused genuine interest in her. Secondly, a woman may have been working in a company for a long time, but suddenly it may seem to her that during a corporate party, the boss looks at her with some lust.

In part, this may be true, because colleagues in an informal setting feel more relaxed, and for many of their colleagues a person can open up from previously unknown sides. Soon after this incident, the dreaming lady tries to spend more time at work, revealing outfits appear in the work wardrobe, and even weekends do not bring as much joy as before, because at this time she is far from her boss.

Do not think that the boss does not notice the special attitude of one of his subordinates, especially if this sympathy is accompanied by a sharp increase in efficiency. And the leader himself can often take advantage of such a sudden "diligence".

If suddenly the love turns out to be mutual, then many difficulties arise. In a common team, it is very difficult not to show your feelings and not pay attention to each other, you should prepare mentally that you will have to meet only after hours, because even a joint trip to lunch in a cafe can cause unnecessary gossip.

How not to fall in love with your boss?

Well, first of all, you should immediately think about the consequences. And the unpleasant consequences of an office romance are more than enough. Here are just a few of them:

1. The senior management of the firm can learn about the relationship between the boss and the subordinate. This may be followed by the transfer of the chief to another department or the deprivation of bonuses or other bonuses. In the worst case, they can be fired for such an affair, and both of them.

2. There may be several applicants for the role of the beloved chief. And if these other women find out about the boss's romance with their colleague, then gossip and gossip cannot be avoided. It is also worth starting to fear for your career and personal life, because unrequited women in love will stop at nothing.

3. But even if there are no other in love with the boss, it is enough for at least one of the colleagues to find out about such a relationship, and gossip will still fly in all directions. And even any meaningless business challenge to the bosses will be interpreted only as another way to spend time together. Only a person with very strong nerves can resist here.

4. Outside of working hours, a man will not be able to perceive a girl as his beloved, solely as a subordinate. This often happens to those who work in high management positions. At home, the chef still commands the woman, as if they are both still at work. In such cases, despite the fact that the girl herself was the instigator of the relationship, she also offers to end them. Because rarely will anyone agree to always, even at home, be in the role of a ward.

5. A situation may arise that a woman deliberately fell in love with her boss in order to take his place. In this case, women, as a rule, are not afraid of anything, and act by all means available to them. Is it any wonder that they manage to achieve what they want. Think about whether it is worth taking such an extreme step? If this coveted position turns out to be “not worthy of you,” what will you do then? Will you charm the higher bosses?

6. When the office romance ends, it may turn out that the former lovers will no longer be able to work together. And do not naively assume that the boss will have to change the job. Just a woman will have to collect things and look for a new place. In some cases, it may not be lucky, and the ex-partner will not leave the woman a chance to find a good job, because the recommendations from him will be extremely unfriendly.

This is all clear, but where is the practical guide?

First, in order to prevent the development of love, a woman should look for flaws in her boss. If he appears to be very perfect, you need to try to imagine situations in which the boss might look stupid.

Secondly, you need to think about what is the reason for falling in love. Perhaps this is just an instinctive impulse in which a woman just wants to be close to a successful person, a kind of alpha male. As the highest rational being, women must overcome these instincts in themselves.

Third, a woman may need such a relationship only to improve her self-esteem. In this case, you need to regularly remind yourself of your own merits and develop them. Once a woman has achieved what she wants, a relationship with her boss may be unnecessary.

If a woman thinks that her boss is also not against a romantic relationship, it is worth trying to talk about it openly. It often happens that people discussing mutual attraction lose some sense of secrecy in relation to the interlocutor, as a result of which the love gradually disappears.

But if the circumstances are such that a woman's love is real and pure, and the boss responds with the same sincere reciprocity, then it is worth casting aside all doubts and acting. After all, changing jobs is much easier than looking again for the man of your dreams!

Fell in love with the boss, what should I do? Often this question is asked on forums and discussed among friends.

The relationship between a pretty subordinate and her boss is far from uncommon these days. There are usually only two reasons that push a woman into the arms of her immediate boss: falling in love or a desire to move up the career ladder through this connection. But today we will only talk about love.

An office romance with the boss is a very serious act and to some extent risky and even a little reckless. Only a very self-confident lady can decide to take such a step, or a romantic nature, accustomed to living with momentary feelings, completely not listening to her inner voice of reason.

The thing is that in this life everything tends to end. The same axiom applies to an office romance. According to statistics, a woman who succumbed to temptation and gave free rein to her feelings is soon simply forced to look for a new job.

This happens for the following reasons:

The boss himself fires his recent beloved. Nature initially made a man a male, who seeks to leave behind offspring. Moreover, the more the better. In the modern world, this gene program has transformed into numerous victories on the love front. And, having achieved what he wants, the man simply gets rid of these memories that are no longer necessary for him, and, accordingly, their immediate source.
Relationships within the team become simply unbearable. Banal envy. Not all colleagues can experience the fact that she was not the favorite.
The woman leaves of her own accord. Feminine nature is very vulnerable. And not every woman will be able to see the object of her adoration every day, when the fat point at the end of the novel has already been set.

What if you fell in love with your boss?

What to do if a love affair is just being planned? If the love relationship is still in the “to be or not to be” stage, it is worth seriously weighing the pros and cons of this connection. Is it worth, most likely, a short love affair, your favorite work.

Answer, only very honestly, to yourself a few questions:

Do you have enough strength to go to work if the boss decides to part with you? And this ending of a love story is most often simply inevitable. He will definitely have another favorite and you will have to work with her in the same office, smile and talk.
Will you be able, as before, to communicate benevolently with the lawful wife of your boss and his children?
Do you have enough fighting qualities to resist the gossip and dirty talk that will certainly begin in the office as soon as your secret connection is revealed? And this will surely happen, because you can't hide an awl in a bag. A lot of glances will be sent to you with a dumb question: what did he find in her?
It's likely that your boss won't end the affair after a few dates and will be lenient by leaving you to work, while continuing to take some time in the evenings. But can you be content with these rare hasty meetings? But what about children and a full-fledged family life?
In addition, you yourself may get tired of this affair, and men do not forgive this. Moreover, it will not be just a man, but your immediate superior. In such a situation, you can immediately put an end to your career.

Falling in love with your boss is easy, but what should you do to keep him?

If, nevertheless, hormones conquered the mind and your boss is now also your lover, then you should heed the following recommendations:

You should not rush to various requirements and possible claims.
The fact that he is not your husband, but your boss, should not be dismissed from your shields. And this situation is completely under his control: your word means absolutely nothing. If he considers it necessary to give you gifts or help you step up the career ladder, then this will only be his personal decision, and nothing else. Manipulating such men is almost impossible.
As often as possible, show your feelings just like that, for no reason.
It is pleasant for a man to be aware of the fact that they love him, and not his wallet.
Have a little patience.
Learn to wait. Many men in power do nothing fundamentally for their mistresses. This is a kind of test for testing feelings: too often they are simply used. And if you start asking for something or even demanding something, it will be the beginning of the end.
Keep the relationship a secret.
You shouldn't share your secret with anyone. If you yourself could not keep this secret, then you should not rely on others.

Pink glasses should be removed immediately

Even if your love is sincere, and he understands this, it is unlikely that your boss will decide to change his life. Romantic stories, where Cinderellas become princesses, for the most part, alas, are only fictional fiction. And therefore, you should not dream of a miracle.

Enjoy life - there is only one

You should not dream of the unrealizable. Learn to enjoy what you have. Love and romance are great. And then, you don't know at all what this man is like in ordinary life. It is likely that you are very fortunate that you do not live under the same roof.

Four main problems of an office romance

Love is a wonderful feeling, but, nevertheless, certain problems can arise here. Moreover, in such a delicate situation as an office romance with the authorities.

The first problem is the lack of reciprocity.

Fell in love with the boss, but he does not reciprocate. What to do in such a situation? "We choose, we are chosen, as it often does not coincide." A phrase that fully denotes all the key points of this problem.

The object of your dreams, despite all the feminine tricks and tricks, by no means wants to perceive your feminine principle. In addition, he will definitely keep a certain distance. In the hierarchical ladder of male values, work is significantly higher than personal relationships.

But do not despair, since falling in love is a wonderful state. A woman in love, like fire, attracts all butterflies, that is, men, without making any effort. Love makes a woman radiate vibes of happiness, and this does not go unnoticed. It is likely that the "wooden Pinocchio" will also fall under these spells of magic.

But in a situation when on the boss "the light has come together like a wedge" and the pillow does not dry out at all, you need to make a decision. Either change something in yourself, which is quite difficult, or look for another place of work.

Problem two: negative attitude of the collective

If your sympathy is mutual, this is not a reason to calm down. As soon as the secret ceases to be a secret, the team will declare a real war on you. Especially if it is a female team.

This is due to several factors. The first is trivial female jealousy and envy. Even if everyone is “deeply married,” the fact that your boss has favored you will keep them from sleeping well at night. This is female nature!

The second, but no less important factor is that, in the opinion of most of the colleagues around you, thanks to intimacy, you will now find yourself in a better position. And, despite the fact that now your work has increased significantly, and the requirements have also increased, compared to the rest of the workers, the women's question "who are we friends against" is becoming very relevant.

Problem three: he is the main boss and at home

Your beloved treats you as his subordinate even at home. This is far from uncommon. Long-term executives become accustomed to a certain style of communication. It's great if he can separate the personal and the professional. If not, then it is worth discussing this problem. The person who truly values you will definitely try to change.

Problem four: good job or good love

The moment will surely come when you will have to choose which is more important - feelings or a career. Therefore, before deciding on a novel, you should correctly prioritize.

If professional growth at this stage is more preferable, then you should forget about the office romance. But if this man is your ideal and is so significant that your career fades into the background, then go for it, you should not give up your happiness.

Everyone dreams of finding their soul mate in this huge world, but it is absolutely impossible to guess where we will meet her. Chances are, your boss is the person you've been waiting for your entire life. And the story of "office" love will become a family legend.

If you fall in love with your boss and don't know what to do, just wait a little. Perhaps time will put everything in its place, and in a couple of months the boss may not seem so attractive.