Youth and beauty 

What to do so that the child does not lie. Lying in adolescence: reasons and guidance for action

Hello dear readers! Perhaps I will surprise you, but if a child never lies to his parents and those around him, this indicates that he is not developing quite correctly. No matter how we treat it in general, but a lie helps people to survive, makes children more adapted to life.

If the kid is pathologically honest, it will be quite difficult for him to establish contacts, build a career, even study in adolescence and adulthood.

Lying isn't always bad. Lying is also the ability to fantasize, interpret information in your favor, find and use benefits. Of course, critical situations also occur. At a young age, hard is always true. Today we will discuss if the child is lying what to do, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy here.

Lying is not always bad

I would like to start by saying that a lie is not worth it. He will lie even more over time. Sometimes one should turn a blind eye to this fact, for example, if he ate candy and blamed everything on the dog, knowing that no one would scold the animal. This is a harmless lie. You can make it clear to the child in a playful manner that you have figured out the deception.

If you want to use this situation as an element of education, pretend that you are going to seriously scold the animal. Look at the baby's behavior. How he will react to this and whether he will bear the consequences.

What will prevail in the end is the fear that someone else will be punished for the child's misconduct, or his own interests.

You should not be critical of every episode with a lie and scold him for any manifestations of disobedience. If the baby is 8-9 years old and does not distinguish between good and bad, then one cannot do without a serious conversation. We will return to this a little later. Let's talk about everything in order. First, let's discuss the possible reasons for lying.

Escaping Punishment and Feelings of Guilt

Sometimes the reasons for lying lie much deeper. For example, one friend of mine says that every time he tried to hide the consequences of walking (wounds, abrasions, cuts, and once even a dog bite), because he knew that in addition to the pain from a bruise, he would also fly from his mother for carelessness and negligence.

This is a more serious situation. The problem lies not in the little one who is looking for personal gain, but in the behavior of the parents. Too strict not to be punished.

Maintaining contact with your child is very important. He must see that in any case, relatives will support him and help him so that it does not happen. If every time he tells the truth that he received a deuce, lost money or broke a vase, they begin to scold him, then sooner or later he begins to hide the truth so as not to be punished.

Not all children are beaten and punished for offenses. Some parents calmly and cold-bloodedly begin to put pressure on the child, calling in him: "You have upset mom again, you again have two in terms of geography." This is difficult to bear even at the age of 11, and therefore the baby will prefer to hide information, so long as his mother does not have a heartache and she does not have to call an ambulance.

Attention deficit

There is another category of children. They do not pay much attention to them, and therefore they try to attract him every time, coming up with various stories. It all starts very simply and harmlessly, but over time, parents figure out this scheme and the baby has to go for more serious tricks, for example, to tell that he was beaten at school or at home, he survived an attack, and so on.

Over time, such a child gets used to the role of an interesting storyteller-dreamer and already among friends weaves about rich relatives, buried treasure in the garden, correspondence with idols.

Cry for help

For some children, lying becomes a cry for help directed to their parents. This is especially common. They cannot directly approach adults to talk about their problems, and therefore in every possible way remind of their presence, annoying with small dirty tricks.

For example, a teenager starts smoking and lies that he doesn’t do it, although in fact he doesn’t try very hard to hide this fact: he brings home packs, leaves a smell in the apartment for his parents, and so on. This can manifest itself at a time when discord begins in the family. Parents already quarrel often, and therefore the child decides to take the blow,

- a very difficult period, and therefore I advise you to read a book to you Daniel Siegela "How not to lose contact with a child in adolescence"... This will be very helpful.

How to proceed

If you notice that the child began to lie, this lie becomes uncontrollable and harms your relationship, then first you need to change the already established model in his mind.

Most often, the child lies to avoid unwanted parental reactions. You need to show that there is nothing wrong with the truth, and when a child speaks honestly, he is doing the right thing. Parents can help with deeds or good advice. No punishment, screams or guilt awaits him. “It can be good to tell the truth,” try to convey this idea to him.

Don't be angry, it is very important now. No matter how he stumbles, it is important to show that parents are first of all friends, and only then leaders.

If a lie has arisen suddenly and you suspect that it may be the result of the child's inner experiences, but you cannot figure them out as a result of a frank conversation, try going with your teenager to a family psychologist. It can take too much valuable time to establish contact. A specialist will allow you to quickly resolve the situation and help your child.

That's all for me. Until next time and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

Most likely, many moms and dads had to face the fact that their child does not always tell the truth. Children like to embellish their stories a little and fantasize. Parents are worried: why do children lie? And if you do not pay attention to this, then an incorrigible liar can grow up in the family. Our article is about how to wean a child from lying. You will also learn what to do if your child is lying, and read helpful advice from a psychologist.

Where does deception begin?

Children's lies: the norm or the deviation?

It is interesting that some psychologists consider children's lies to be the norm and do not consider them as a negative phenomenon. From what? In the first years of life, a child develops rapidly, receiving a large flow of various information: he processes it, learns to use it daily. He begins to understand what is reality and what is fiction. Developing speech, the baby relies on his logical thinking. He has a certain impression of the world around him, and what he cannot find an explanation for, he complements using his imagination.

Small children begin to cheat when adults forbid something. And then logic turns on again and the kid thinks: "If this is not possible, then if I say something else, will it be possible?" And the child begins to select options for how to get what is prohibited. This is where deception begins.

"As they get older, a child's innocent lie can develop into a habit of getting what they want with the help of deception, and this is no longer good."

The main reasons for children's lies

Children lie for a variety of reasons.

Among the main reasons for children's lies are the following:

  • desire to get what parents forbid
  • desire to appear better than he really is
  • fear of punishment
  • self-justification
  • improvement of social status
  • conflicting child's expectations
  • a pathological lie.

Let's consider each of the reasons separately in order to understand how to be in this or that case.

Desire to get what parents forbid

How does this happen?"Daddy let me take candy!" (and dad was not at home). “I didn't know what time it was, so I was late for home,” and so on.

How to be? If in your family the word “no” is repeated more often than others, then the child will have to defend his rights and interests with the help of lies. Better to review your bans and reduce their number. Leave those related to the safety of the child, his regime and eating habits, as well as some educational aspects. Having gained a little more independence, the child will feel freedom and will cultivate a sense of responsibility for actions. In addition, explain to your child that what you want can be obtained through other means, for example, by asking and explaining why he needs it, as well as following the rules outlined by the parents.

Desire to appear better than he really is

How does this happen? A child can begin to narrate about his extraordinary strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance, although it will be clear to adults: he is trying to pass the wishful thinking.

How to be? How to treat this - as a lie or as a fantasy? This symptom is very alarming. The child lies to interest the parents. Why? Maybe he lacks warmth, affection, attention, love, interest, real support. One of the main tasks of parents is to stimulate the development of the abilities of their child and explain that each person has his own talents. Someone skate well, someone sings or dances beautifully, and someone knows everything about the Egyptian pyramids or space. So you need to develop and show your real abilities, and then no one will consider a liar or a braggart.

Fear of punishment

How does this happen? If a child realizes that for an accidentally broken cup he can be deprived of something good or, worse, beaten, he will do his best to hide the "traces of the crime."

How to be? Too often and severely punishing the child, the parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. It is better to make decisions about the punishment after the fact: if you break it, you need to remove it, if you break it, you need to fix it, you get a bad mark - you need to work out and fix it. This will be true, since such an attitude will not offend the dignity of the child, as a result of which he will not want to resort to deception.

Self-justification

How does this happen? Sometimes a child realizes that he has done a bad deed, starts mumbling something, talking a lot, trying to explain himself in order to justify himself, for example: "He started first!" After that, a story is given about how the abuser started first, what offenses he caused, etc. Note that the "abuser" tells a similar story.

How to be? Such lies are the hardest to eradicate. This lie - as a stain remover, is designed to bring the victim's self-esteem back to normal. Try to make it clear to the child that you love him anyway, even if he was the one who “started first”. Discuss what happened on a friendly note, and then there will be less deception.

Improving social status

How is it going?Sometimes q Children tend to invent incredible stories about their parents: about their wealth, about toys that are given in tons, about trips to distant countries, about how dad appears on TV almost every day. These dreams of a better existence speak of the child's dissatisfaction with his social status. A child can understand such things as early as 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already be well guided in who is rich and who is poor.

How to be? If cheating a child is "status", you need to think about whether there is an opportunity to give him at least a part of what he so dreams of? Maybe not “just like that”, but for the child to make a little of his own efforts. With regard to "greedy" preschoolers who unrestrainedly want all the toys on earth, explain that this is unrealistic, but you can get good gifts from time to time.

Conflicting child expectations

How does this happen? Let's say a girl loves to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; the boy wants to enroll in a radio circle, and dad sees him as a talented translator. While parents are away from home, they paint and construct, and then deceive that they diligently studied music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom parents want to see as an excellent student, talks about the bias of teachers, justifying his low level of success.

How to be? Unfortunately, it happens that the expectations of the parents are a heavy burden for the children. This is an alarming symptom. Think about whether your expectations are in conflict with the inclinations and interests of the child? It is dishonest to force him to show abilities and achieve goals for you (in accordance with your unfulfilled childhood dreams), "for you in childhood." Understand that your child is on their own, and if you create an environment conducive to the development of what they do best, there will be less cheating.

Pathological childish lies occurs infrequently, and it requires consultation with specialist psychologists on a case-by-case basis.

Lies for children of different ages

It is difficult to distinguish lies from fantasy in preschool children.

“For the first time, children can lie for 3-4 years. And at the age of 6, the child will already clearly understand that he is deliberately lying. "

Let's see how children's lies manifest themselves at different ages:

4-5 years old. Preschoolers can confuse reality with a fictional world, so they wishful thinking - these are the features of their development. Lying children of this age should not be taken as the opposite of the truth. It is rather a fantasy.

7-9 years old. In the minds of junior schoolchildren, a line is already emerging between the real and the fictional world. Children experiment with the possibilities of lying, knowing that their words are not true. Parents should be aware that more serious problems can lie behind frequent lies that are better dealt with.

How to teach your child to be honest

If you notice that your child is trying to use lies to their advantage, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it.

"Advice. In upbringing, one cannot do without prohibitions, since permissiveness is not a way out. "

How to explain to a child that any lie is a bad quality?

  1. If you notice that your child is trying to use lies to their advantage, think about what the problem is and how to eradicate it. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the situation and find out the reasons for dishonesty. After all, children usually do not lie just like that: their current circumstances provoke this. Having calmly sorted out the reasons for lying, it will not be difficult for a parent to achieve a positive result.
  2. It is necessary to talk more often with the child on the topics of good and evil, analyzing various situations, using examples of children's films and cartoons, fairy tales.
  3. Show your positive example. For example, when dad is at home, and you say on the phone that he is not, you show the child that lying is not bad at all.
  4. Tell your child that there is a “polite lie” that involves treating people tactfully so as not to offend them (for example, when they don’t like a birthday present).

Watch a video about the manifestation of children's lies and how to eradicate it

Useful advice from a psychologist will help you to properly organize the educational process:

  1. Don't punish cheating. Your indignation and screaming will only tell the child that the lie should be hidden more strongly. At the same time, the child will not stop lying, but will only become more secretive.
  2. Learn to distinguish childhood fantasies (which can be useful) from lies. Children are prone to inventions. If you hear them more often than you would like, try to diversify your child's leisure time.

The child will be honest if he is sure that his parents will never humiliate him.

An honest child will be if:

  • will be sure that his parents will never humiliate him
  • will not be afraid of the anger of dad and mom or be rejected by them
  • will know that he will be supported in a difficult situation and will be given good advice
  • will be sure that if they are punished, then it is fair
  • will know that in a disputable situation the parents will be on his side
  • will be sure that there is trust in the family.

Do you want your child to be honest? Make the truth a cult in your family. Praise your child for being honest. It is better to teach a child not to lie than to punish him all the time.

Contrary to our expectations, all children lie, and this, unfortunately, is a fact. Children of different ages do this for different reasons, but young children are more likely to lie.

Let's look at several ages of children to understand WHY kids lie and WHAT to do about it:

Child 2-4 years old

Kids sometimes do not even realize that they are telling a lie, passing off wishful thinking. Children at this age have a very developed imagination, and so far they do not feel the line between the present and the imagined. Often, their fantasies turn into stories that they tell adults.

The girl Olya brought home a teddy bear from the kindergarten, saying that the teacher allowed her to pick it up. The reason for this behavior, according to the psychologist, is that the girl wanted so much to have this toy that she believed that she could take the bear home.

Parents' actions:
It is impossible to punish for lying at this age, you just need to explain to the child that not always what you want is feasible, without going too deep into reflections on morality. The kid will not yet understand why it is important to tell the truth. Do not focus the child's attention on disobeying adults, otherwise he will continue to lie, simply hiding his actions from you. It is better to thoroughly explain to the child that there are significant differences between what “I want” and “I can” mean, and then the child will soon be able to distinguish between reality and fiction, and will stop taking other people's things without asking or lying.

Child 5-7 years old

“Katya, I asked you to change the water for the fish. Why didn't you do it? "
"And they haven't drunk the one in which they swim yet."

At this age, children grow up and begin to guess that with the help of lies you can solve your problems or get away from punishment. Their deception becomes more like the truth. In order to protect themselves, children think carefully about what they say to their parents.

Since now the child checks the parents with the help of deception, then it is necessary to act decisively and suppress deception in all its manifestations. The child checks whether his deception will pass or not, and draws conclusions whether to lie to him in the future or not, whether it is possible to solve problems in the future with the help of lies.

Parents' actions:
The best way at this age of upbringing such a quality as truthfulness is to be honest with the child yourself, by personal example. After all, the first person the child looks at and whom he subconsciously copies is you. And if you do the opposite, then the child will not understand the reasons for your lie, and most likely will copy the way you do it. At this stage of upbringing, he is still not able to understand when it is necessary or not to lie.

Make every effort to explain to your child that even the smallest falsehood can do a lot of harm. Provide compelling evidence and examples from his own life. If you still want to punish him, then first find out the true reason for his lies, and explain to the child what you are punishing him for.

8 years and older

History lesson:
- Orthodoxy was introduced in Russia in 988. And what happened in 1000?
- It was the 12th anniversary of Orthodoxy in the country!

At the age of eight and older, children feel more self-reliant and independent. For parents, they often become a closed chest with seven seals, although they seem to be a seemingly open book. As they get older, children are increasingly showing aggression, they begin to hide their personal lives. The more parents try to find out from the child about what he does not want to talk about, the more he tries to distance himself and begins to come up with all sorts of fables.

In adolescence, children already know how to lie very well, quite convincingly, using facial expressions and appropriate intonation, so that adults do not even notice it. They understand very well why they lie in pursuit of certain goals, and often say exactly what their parents or anyone else wants to hear from them. The consequences of deception do not bother them, since they are sure that with the help of the same lies they will be able to get out of the water.

Excessive parental care and attention is most often the cause of this behavior. The child wants to be left alone, not to control his every step, so the child periodically lies just to get rid of. In addition, he may be greatly worried that he will not live up to the expectations of his parents. If he has done something and is afraid of punishment, he is also likely to tell a lie. Children are often afraid that their parents will be unhappy with their academic performance or behavior, and therefore lie to their parents.

Parents' actions:
First of all, provide a good, non-conflict, trusting atmosphere in the family so that the child is calm and comfortable, because at home he needs psychological support and understanding, and not constant stress. Try to talk to your child more often on different topics that are interesting to him. If a difficult situation has arisen, help the child to understand it, but do it unobtrusively, direct his thoughts in the right direction so that he, as it were, "himself" finds a solution to this problem, but with the help of you. This is possible only in a confidential atmosphere, when the child is calm and confident that you will not scold him, humiliate or hurt his pride, and he will not regret giving you his secret.

Explain to him convincingly, and give examples from his own life, that cheating:
- can be detected very quickly;
- deception corrects the situation only for a while;
- you cannot build real friendship on deception;
- cheating is bad. If you lie all the time, then other people will do the same to you. Will you like it? Plus, people will stop respecting you.

Prove to your child that you trust him completely and without any "buts". Trust your child to solve their problems on their own so that he feels responsible. Do not talk to your child about topics that provoke him to lie. Tell him that we are all not perfect, and we all have our flaws, and you want to help him. Cheer him up.

If you see that the child is lying, then do not show him your distrust, so as not to hurt his dignity, do not offend him, but make sure that a situation arises when he has nothing left but to tell the truth.

Deception must be anticipated and prevented.
Deception arises from the fact that a person is insecure. Create an environment so that the child does not need to lie. Try to educate him according to all the norms of physical, intellectual, psychological education. If your child trusts you, he will simply have no reason to lie and cheat. After all, he lives on "two fronts", completely different from each other: on the one hand, the world of his friends and peers, and on the other hand, the world of adults, for him it is very difficult. Therefore, he constantly needs your trust, love, participation, as well as support and praise.

And most importantly - give him your maximum attention, become his friend, be polite to him. Your child should receive answers to all his questions, feel that you respect him and his point of view, share his joy and sorrow. Only in this case will the trust be absolutely complete and harmonious.

It is not always possible to foresee everything in the upbringing of children.

Sometimes, for example, it may turn out that child addicted to lies... What to do in such a situation?

What to do if a child bites his nails? will help you!

Psychology and causes

Why do children lie?

In order to fight childish lies, first of all, it is necessary to understand its causes.

Of course, each case is different, but psychologists were able to trace common features. Consider the most common reasons for lying to a child:


How to understand that a child is lying?

Recognize lies in a child much easier than an adult... The point is that he is not that skilled at hiding the truth.

Adults have already learned various techniques and know how to behave so that the lie is not revealed. But the child still does not know how. Therefore, you can just watch him and everything will become clear.

First of all, you should pay attention to the following signs, which indicate that the baby is hiding something or deceiving you:

How to wean a child from banging his head? you will find on our website.

What should the parents of a teenager do?

What if a child 8-10-12 years old is lying all the time? As we noted above, each case is different. And first of all, you need to understand the reason for the children's lies, and then only take action.

Let's take a look at the examples:

Understand also that the child is most likely unpleasant to lie himself, as he understands that it is bad, and he feels very uncomfortable at this moment.

And since he resorts to this method, then this suggests that the problems are really serious.

Treat it with understanding, try to find out the reasons for this behavior and work them out.

If you did not manage to deal with the children's lies on your own, then it makes sense consult a psychologist for a consultation.

He will talk to your child and help you solve the problem.

How to deal with lies?


How to punish a liar?

All of the above methods do not always help to reach out to the child. Yes, the educational process cannot consist only of rewards, sometimes you have to resort to punishment. But you need to be able to do it right.

The most important point is that any punishment should be fair... Do not swear on emotions and put the child in a corner. First, think about whether he really needs to be punished for wrongdoing?

In addition, the child must clearly understand what exactly he is being punished for. Otherwise, your actions will have no educational value.

So that first explain(do not shout and swear, but calmly and in detail tell what the kid did wrong), and then only punish.

Do not under any circumstances inflict physical violence.

You better put your child in a corner leave without sweets or watching your favorite programs.

So he will understand that it is not worth lying and at the same time you will not harm his psyche with your actions.

Some psychologists are inclined to believe that it is not worth punishing the child at all, everything can be solved just by talking... In any case, the decision on the methods of the educational process is yours.

What does a pediatric neuropsychologist treat? find out right now.

How to wean you from cheating?

In order to disaccustom a child to tell a lie, it is worth listening to the following tips:

  1. Build relationships with the child so that he is not afraid of you and knows that you can only punish him in the case.
  2. Be patient in relation to your children, do not yell just because you are tired at work.
  3. Take it easy on his failures.... Explain that you love him despite his poor grades and unwillingness to participate in the city Olympics.
  4. Talk to your child... You can even directly say that they caught him in a lie and ask him to explain why he did this.

    The relationship with the baby must be trusting so that this problem does not arise at all.

  5. Don't forget about yourself... If you often cheat, then the child may simply copy you - and no educational methods will help here.
  6. It is necessary to instill the concept that lying is bad from a very young age.... Just give it a gameplay, you can, for example, tell a fairy tale or parable with such morality.

Learn about the symptoms of cerebrasthenic syndrome in children from ours.

Parable of Truth and Lies for Children

Here is an example of a parable, whose moral is that it is better to tell the truth:

“Three boys went for a walk in the forest. Yes, they were so carried away by nature, berries and birds that they did not notice how the day passed. They understood that they would be scolded at home. What to do?

They stand and think what is better: to confess honestly or to lie?

The first boy says:

- I will say that a wolf attacked me in the forest. Mom and Dad will be scared for me, they will worry and will not scold me.

The second thought a little and said the following:

- I will say that I met my grandfather and did not notice how time flew by. Mom and Dad will be nice and calm that I spent the day with him and they will not scold me.

The third thought and said:

- And I will tell the truth. I'll be honest and you won't have to invent anything. The truth is easier to tell.

So they went home.

The first boy came to his parents, told about the wolf... And then suddenly the forest watchman passed by, heard his story and said:

- There are no wolves in our forests.

The boy's parents were angry with him. For the offense they got angry, and for the lie it is twice as strong.

The second boy told his parents about his grandfather, and then he himself came to visit. The parents learned the truth. For the offense they got angry, and for the lie it is twice as strong.

The third boy came and immediately told everything honestly., as it was.

Parents grumbled at him a little, and forgave him.

So it turned out that the truth is really easier.

Of course, no parent would like to face the fact that his child is lying. But if this happens, you do not need to immediately scold the baby and punish in feelings. Understand the reasons for his behavior and think about what you can do about it.

Why do children lie? Find out about it from the video:

Big lies start with small lies. Deception in society is generally perceived negatively. Under certain circumstances, it is possible to justify only a lie for the good, but this is the reality of adult life, and this noble motive does not always justify childish dishonesty. Therefore, even the first innocent attempts of a child to deceive parents are alarmed. Childhood lies are a worrying symptom. And since not a single child has grown up without upsetting their parents with incredible inventions, annoying omissions, and sometimes outright lies, the problem does not lose its relevance and belongs to the category of eternal. Psychologists are releasing more and more new research on this topic and offer various methods of dealing with childish lies.

In this article, we will tell you how to detect when a child is telling a lie, describe the possible reasons for this behavior, give advice on how to react to a child's lie and how to deal with it.

The child is lying: reasons

The realization that the child is lying causes confusion and frustration among parents. Especially if loving parents are thoughtfully involved in raising a child, and do not let this process take its course. It is unpleasant to admit that educational efforts did not produce the expected result. Most parents are overly emotional when they first catch a child lying. They begin to reproach, scold and punish the little liar, thus trying to suppress deceit in him in the bud. However, we advise you to restrain yourself and first of all find out what is happening. Either the child is cheating deliberately, with a certain intent, or what seemed to you a lie is a completely natural and innocent love for writing and fantasizing. Parents tend to label "lies" even attempts to cheat, avoidance of usual things for reasons they do not understand, refusal to admit guilt, strange fantasies.

The first clue for parents in the delicate matter of classifying lies is age. The fact is that up to a certain age, a child simply cannot lie with a certain intent.

Preschool toddlers: don't hold back your fantasy

By the age of six or seven, a child's brain is not yet capable of building complex causal relationships that would suggest deliberately resorting to lies. The first distorted or exaggerated facts, fictional stories and fantastic stories can be heard from the baby already at an age when he begins to formulate his thoughts in sentences. Another factor of attraction to a false reflection of reality is the development of imagination. Basically, these manifestations of the child's mental development occur at the age of three. This period often coincides with the beginning of the child's socialization, attending kindergarten, various circles. And here the subconscious need to win the championship is already working. In addition, it is at this time that prohibitions appear in the child's life, which cannot be bypassed without using fantasy. In preschool age, it is very important for children to receive a lot of attention. To conquer it, they have to come up with incredible things!

One four-year-old boy claimed that he climbed to the top of an old nut in the garden, even faster than a squirrel. What was he subconsciously trying to achieve? Probably, the attention of my mother, who, in her worries, simply does not react to ordinary stories. Why would a five-year-old girl brag to her grandmother that she had embroidered a napkin that covered the Easter basket? She probably counted on getting the praise and the chocolate egg out of the basket right now.

Separately, it should be noted that at the age of three to five years, children have to gradually get used to the rules adopted in their environment. Such small children do not yet understand the essence of the concepts of good and evil, they simply act intuitively. And when a certain behavior does not meet the expectations of adults, there is a need to get out, to justify. Children do this with the help of cunning, inventions and fantasies. In addition, not everything that seems a fantasy to an adult is unrealistic for a child. In his world, unlimited by logical laws, elephants fly, trees talk, and loudly slammed doors are a real danger, because they, so-and-so, deliberately wanted to scare! Nothing is impossible in a child's imagination. And this is exactly the case when you cannot be blamed for lying. Otherwise, you run the risk of extinguishing the creative imagination of the baby, without whose development it will not be possible to bring up an extraordinary personality. If you categorically declare to a child that this does not happen, dissonance will arise in his soul. He does not understand how something that he sees with his inner vision, hears or feels, may not actually be.

Before understanding the reasons for children's lies, parents should realize that in preschool age all manifestations of lies are a way to have fun, satisfy basic age-related needs, as well as materialize an imaginary world that the child is not yet able to separate from the real one. If a child uses them infrequently, then there is no reason for worry, this is quite consistent with age patterns. If a child often hovers in the clouds, fantasizes, comes up with different stories, then there is nothing wrong with that either. It is quite possible that he grows up as a creative person, someday he will become a storyteller, science fiction writer, artist or inventor. This is wonderful!

Also, do not worry if the period of imaginary reality has dragged on and continues at the age of seven or even eight years. The reason may be excessive watching of cartoons and addiction to computer games. They have very little to do with reality, and children tend to identify with their favorite characters. Unsurprisingly, your daughter, who dreams of magic ponies, finds it difficult to quickly switch from the role of the beautiful Princess Celestia to the role of a second-grader girl.

Parents often worry that their child has an invisible friend. Such a personal Carlson of your baby. Until a certain age is normal. You shouldn't even jokingly support the idea of ​​its existence and pretend that you, too, see your child's ghostly friend. But it is also unacceptable to offend with distrust or mock the baby in this situation. Stories about a fictional guest do not mean that the child is cheating on his parents, but only signal that he is lonely and lacks communication. The best tactic is to express surprise at why the secret guest is hiding from everyone, and also to help in every possible way so that the child makes a real friend, at least a pet.

As you can see, the question of how to wean a child from lying at preschool age simply should not arise. Because at this age, play is the main form of cognition of the world for a child, and fantasy is one of its means.

But the tendency to lie at the age of six (in some children from eight) already requires the identification of hidden reasons, otherwise there is a risk of missing out on serious problems, which in turn can lead to undesirable consequences. Only by discovering the root cause can you convince the child that lying is not a way out, and you can always get out of the situation differently.

Are you trying to figure out why the child is lying? To do this, we will analyze the typical reasons that force primary school children and adolescents to resort to lies.

Younger schoolchildren and adolescents: lying as an indicator of psychological problems

The child lies to avoid punishment

More often than not, children lie to avoid punishment. A child who behaved badly, acted badly, broke something, understands that he is to blame. Nobody likes to be held responsible for bad deeds. And if you confess, it is unlikely that you will be able to avoid punishment. What can you do in order not to be punished? To keep silent, not to confess, to justify, to blame someone else for what they have done ... These recipes seem to be effective for children. And often they manage to get out. Until next time ...

Let us give an example that seems to happen in every family at least once during the period of a child's schooling: a page in a diary is torn out. This is a classic. The teacher wrote down the remark in her diary and invited the parents to the school for a serious conversation about the student's behavior at school. What should a frightened child do? If mom reads, she will come to school. And then - will get the nuts from the parents! And the child decides to rip out the page. No page, no problem. We had it in the fourth grade.

Childhood lies - salvation from excessive parental control

We think that we are playing the role of earthly guardian angels, when we control every step of the child, we try to live with him every moment of life in order to warn, protect, and prompt. But a child is a small person, and she needs to have space and conditions in order to learn to live. Teenagers, especially boys, get very annoyed when mom calls every 10 minutes to clarify if everything is okay with her son.

The guy is very ashamed in front of his peers that his mother doubts him so much and constantly checks where he is and what he does. What will the child do to avoid annoying interrogation?

Children's lies as a way to get away from the task

Children love to play and do their best to avoid difficult tasks.

A simple method that our unfortunate schoolchildren often resort to is not admitting that they were asked to learn something that requires excessive effort. Children live for today. They do not yet have the experience of accumulating negative consequences. Therefore, it seems to them that in this way they can avoid completing the task.

Here are superfluous examples, everyone will remember a lot of them. Psychologists do not see anything surprising in the fact that a child is lying while running away from boring duties.

The child lies because he is ashamed

It's hard to admit that you've done something that will make you blush. Children are ready to lie so as not to embarrass themselves. Even adults find it difficult to admit their guilt. And for children, apologizing is very humiliating. It means recognizing the superiority of the adult, submitting, and also correcting mistakes.

For example, a girl envied a classmate that she had a beautiful hairstyle at a school party. She came up and said that something was supposedly attached to her neck, offered to take it off, and she deliberately ruined all the efforts of the hairdresser. She ruined the holiday for a friend, and she herself was burnt with shame and fear that her little meanness would be exposed. And she did not deviate from her version of events, insisting that she really wanted to help.

Children's lies as a desire not to disappoint loved ones

For a child, parents and older relatives are authorities. Each child tries to justify the hopes of loved ones by his behavior. If something doesn't work out, the child feels very depressed. Parents believe in him, but he failed. And then, instead of correcting himself, the child complicates the situation with a lie.

A student who had recently changed schools often came home and boasted about his success. Either he overtook everyone in physical education, then in the class they were entrusted with patronage over the middle row of students, then the teacher praised in front of the whole class. The parents were glad that the child easily adapts to the new team and lost their vigilance. At parent-teacher meetings, they learned that everything is just the opposite! The student's success has worsened, and the team, as it turned out, does not welcome the newcomer too warmly. But in order not to disappoint the parents, the son said what they hoped to hear. He preferred to be alone with his failures.

Childhood lies as an indicator of low self-esteem

There is so much you can do to win the respect of your peers. Everyone wants to feel important, recognized, or at least accepted in the team. If a child is not accepted into the company, if he does not feel like one of his own people, if he is not played with, he inflates his own worth and makes himself something that he really is not. This is how children win their place in the sun.

The fourth-grader, who was not assigned a partner during the preparation for the waltz graduation, stated that she had a medal for winning a dance competition. In fact, she never even went to dances, but only wanted to ensure that she had a partner, like everyone else.

The child is lying out of politeness

In adolescence, boys and girls are already capable of good lies. They can cheat so as not to offend someone, so as not to hurt the feelings of others. So, a well-mannered boy will never admit that he did not like the gift. Having received something completely different from what he expected, the birthday boy extremely unconvincingly claims that the shirt is cool, but his whole appearance says that he dreamed of a new lego constructor. You should not encourage a child even in such a lie for the sake of politeness.

And here is another example: a girl ran to a neighbor to show off her new clothes. She sees that the new thing does not suit her friend, but does not want to talk about it so as not to offend. And it won't be possible to keep silent - that is why you have to dissemble.

Children's lies as a way to get attention

We are all so busy, we are used to living, sometimes not even noticing our loved ones. Automatically, parents take care of their children, performing their daily duties: feeding, dressing, teaching. But this is not enough. Children need depth of relationships, a genuine interest in their hobbies and affairs. Children, like air, need attention. If they don't get it, then they try to achieve what they want with the help of lies.

I will remember one incident for the rest of my life. One day the son returned from training and from the doorway began to tell that on the way home he witnessed how the car collided with a motorcycle, and that he not only saw it, but almost got under the wheels himself. I instantly stopped washing the dishes and began to ask what was there and how. At the end of the story, the son admitted that in fact he was on the opposite side of the street on the sidewalk, and he lied about the danger so that I would listen to him carefully, and not be limited to “my assenting” and nodding my head.

Lying as a way of revenge and a manifestation of stubbornness

If you have an unfortunate conflict situation with a child, the likely reaction is deception. When a child feels offended, he tries to restore justice. Not always noble. Children tend to lie to avenge restriction or punishment.

The neighbor boy was in a hurry to meet with friends and was afraid that they might not wait for him. Therefore, instead of taking the garbage to the proper place, I left it halfway to the dumpsters, just under the entrance. Parents, noticing this, without understanding the situation, deprived him of his pocket money for three days. They suspected the son's rebellion against the fact that he was forced to take out the trash every day. The next day, without receiving pocket money, he did the same, justifying himself by saying that other children were not forced to do this.

The child lies to stand out and gain an exceptional position.

Inborn leaders are capable of all sorts of machinations in order to achieve a dominant position. They cannot be content with the humble role of peer among equals. The need to stand out makes such children invent, appropriate others' merits, exaggerate their own achievements. They are able to win the leader's pedestal even with a lie.

The boy decided to go to football for the company with a neighbor. But at first the ball did not obey him. And among football players, only skillful players have authority. In this team, the boy felt uncomfortable, because he was used to being a winner in other situations. And instead of training and hone his skills, he kneaded his tongue with fables that when he plays football with his grandmother in the village, then in the team he scores all the goals alone.

Childhood lies as a form of imitation

Do not complain that your child is cheating if you are not always honest with others in your daily life. If you allow yourself to be cunning, to be cunning, remember that the child not only sees everything, but will certainly learn the science and apply it to his needs.

Once I did not answer a friend's call because I was busy with household chores. My son brought me a phone, but I asked to put it down. Later he heard me making excuses, as if I had not heard the call. He asked me why I had lied. I tried to hide behind being busy. But he did not perceive this, because he thought it was better to tell the truth. But later the situation repeated itself, but already when his friend called. So, without noticing it, we spoil our children. The son copied my behavior. I showed him a bad example. Children reflect the actions of their parents and learn patterns of behavior. Therefore, in order to raise an honest person, parents should start with themselves and be honest in everything. Otherwise, we will not be able to prove to children that truth is a value and that it is important in relationships between people.

Childhood lies - visualization of unfulfilled desires

Children often wishful thinking. There is no sin here. This is a subconscious practice of visualizing your cherished desires.

So, one boy, whom his father refused even before birth, loved to tell his classmates about the best dad in the world and that he allegedly takes him home every year for his summer holidays. In any conflict situations with the guys, he threatened to bring dad to school, who existed only in his dreams.

Another boy, who raved about a trip abroad, convinced everyone around that he had nevertheless crossed the border, stepping with one foot into the territory of another country, taking advantage of the moment when the border guard turned away.

And a girl from a poor family was very complex that she had never flown on an airplane. And she decided to tell her friends how the godmother took her with her to Odessa for the weekend. And of course, they didn't get there by train, but flew over the clouds, and it was cool!

Such lies can only be dealt with with empathy, frank conversations, as in the case of a boy without a father, and convictions that dreams will definitely come true, as in the case of children who dreamed of traveling. The most important thing in the case of lie-visualization is to convey to the child the idea that everything is in order, already in the existing circumstances. And then it will be even better.

Lies for the sake of lies, or childhood mythomania

There are people who just like to lie. People say about such people: he lies like a broomstick. After several successful attempts to mislead people, there is a taste for this way of interacting with people. A habit is formed to distort facts, exaggerate their achievements, and come up with vivid life events. The inventions are richer each time, all incredible. These people need lies, they just need to distort reality. Fortunately, Barons Munchausen are rare among children. But if you notice that your child enjoys lying, then do not hope that this is something temporary and will pass over time. Mythomania is a psychiatric disorder, so only a qualified specialist can advise how to wean a child from lying in this difficult case.

Pathological lie

A pathological liar is a person who is dissatisfied with their current situation. The root cause of painful deceit is low self-esteem. The motive is to increase your importance in the eyes of others. It is not enough for ardent liars to be ordinary people. And if there is no other way to take a special place in their environment, they begin to systematically lie. Intertwining reality with fiction, pathological liars get so used to the image that they simply cannot separate the wheat from the chaff. When they try to abandon the lie, they realize that they have gone too far, and it is almost impossible to do this. They lie so much that they themselves forget what really happened and what they perverted beyond recognition. And after several unsuccessful attempts to get out on the path of truth, they remain wandering the tangled paths of lies. Pathological liars are not born. They become as a result of many cases when the lie succeeded and was crowned with the expected benefit.

Parents, be careful! Chronic liars can become even in childhood if adults have missed and allowed them to cheat without hindrance for a long time. If there is a consistency, you understand that too often your child lies, that you need qualified advice to do it. This is a serious problem that you cannot deal with on your own. If a psychologist detects this pathology, we do not recommend delaying a visit to a psychiatrist.

What encourages a child to lie?

First of all, the fact that he managed to get what he wanted with the help of deception: attention, admiration, laughter, recognition. Or the fact that the lie saved the child from punishment, condemnation, a sense of shame.

As you can see, there are many reasons for lying: from the inability to overcome difficulties to protecting oneself from the unfair actions of relatives. A lie is a weed that grows on soil fertilized with problems, that is, there is always a reason. Having discovered a lie, you should get to the bottom of the cause. And already then react accordingly and look for solutions.

The child is cheating: how to properly react to parents on children's lies

In a situation where the child is cheating, the parents do not always know what to do. One thing is clear: whatever the reasons for which the child is cheating, you should react immediately. If the child is able to deceive, he will resort to lies more and more often. And this is the reason why the problem cannot be ignored.

1. First of all, you should express your unconditional trust in the child. Question whether you are lying, especially if someone else is accusing you. Say that you will certainly understand the situation, but discuss it with your child first. This will kill three birds with one stone: show respect for the child, demonstrate that under any circumstances he can count on you, and also give a chance to confess. Do not under any circumstances attack the child with accusations and reproaches on the basis that someone considers him to be guilty. Even in court, the offender has the right to tell about the deed himself in order to prove his innocence. Listen to the child!

2. If you yourself have discovered a lie, be sure to let your child understand it. You should dispassionately communicate that you feel as if the child has cheated you. And again, do not present it as a fait accompli. Let him have the opportunity to confess. This will help the child not be afraid to reveal details. After all, there will be no need to get out and get rid of it.

3. Next, convince the child of the need to identify the reason that prompted him to do so. Before that, it should be frankly said that there are times when people cheat, even though this is bad. This will calm the child, he will be ready to explain his action. First, ask directly why the child lied. If he finds it difficult to answer, help with clarifying questions and assumptions, carefully observing the child's reaction. You can assume that you have established a reason only when the child confirms and explains it.

4. Ask how the child felt when faced with the problem that prompted him to lie. How he felt when he lied. Was it difficult for him to do this? Did he think the problem could be handled differently? Try to discuss the situation in detail. Prove the benefits of the honest path. Emphasize that lying does not solve problems, but only makes the situation worse and worsens the relationship. Admit that it was true that the lie helped to postpone the problem until later. But also show the other side of the lie: explain with an example how it served as a magnet and attracted other unpleasant events and sensations to itself.

5. Offer to find the right way out together. Consider alternative solutions to similar problems if they arise in the future.

6. Promise your child that you will not punish him in such situations if he comes to you and honestly confesses. There is one condition here: a veto to break this very serious promise. Because if you do not keep your word and deceive the child, then by your act you will pave the green path for the development of his secrecy.

7. Tell us how you felt when you learned about the deception. Don't be afraid to look too sentimental. Describe how upset you were. Suggest swapping places. Let the child think about how he would feel if you deceived him.

8. At some point in the conversation, condemn the child's behavior. Be sure to say that cheating does no honor to anyone, explain why. At the same time, the child should feel that you are not judging him, but only how he acted this time. And that you still respect and love him.

Well, now you know how to behave when faced with manifestations of childish deception. But if, after a frank conversation, the child still often lies, the advice of a psychologist who will delve into your situation will be very useful to you.

How to recognize a child's lie

Few people manage to cheat and remain at ease. What can we say about children, because they are so sincere and spontaneous. Lying is hard for them. What will tell you that the child is deceiving you? Facial expressions, gestures and behavior unusual for a child. You have reason to be wary if your child, during a conversation:

  • behaves too emotionally;
  • gesticulates excessively;
  • sluggishly, with a hesitation, answers your questions, carefully chooses words;
  • tries to move the conversation to another topic;
  • responds reluctantly, avoids conversation;
  • shifts from foot to foot;
  • winds hair on a finger;
  • asks again;
  • says something that surprises you;
  • rubs his forehead;
  • covers his mouth with his hand;
  • blinks frequently;
  • often looks away;
  • avoids eye contact;
  • smiles insincerely;
  • rubs eyes;
  • nervously twirls something in his hands;
  • twirls or sways in a chair.

If you notice the described manifestations in the behavior of your daughter or son, try to jokingly express your suspicion. In such cases, my mother screwed up one eye, leaned towards me and with a slight smile on her face asked: "Are you by any chance a fantane?" It was difficult to continue the game after this question. But on the other hand, it was a chance to stop in time and get out of the water dry. We also advise you to guide your children into retreat.

Childhood lies: how to fight

In a situation where the child is lying, common sense, the successful experience of other parents, and the proven advice of child psychologists will tell you what to do.

If you deal with childish dishonesty correctly, you can easily get rid of them. Especially when it was possible to adequately respond to the first calls. Unfortunately, parents do not always notice the problem on time. It often happens that during the daily hustle and bustle or because of blind trust in our children, we do not notice alarming signals. Meanwhile, the child has been stealing and lying for a long time and systematically, taking advantage of our carelessness or excessive employment.

When a child lies Psychologist's number one advice is to rely on trust. Do not under any circumstances tell your child that he has lost your trust. Not after the first lie, not after the nth. Always leave a bridge over which you can return and restore the purity of the relationship. The point is, there is a big difference between lost and undermined trust. If something is lost, then any effort is useless. The child will be very offended, he will torment himself, but there will be no attempts to correct himself. On the contrary, there will come a moment when he will come to terms with the fact that you do not trust him, and this will free her from the inner need to be honest.

The fundamental rule in choosing methods of dealing with childish lies - the correspondence of the reaction to the reason for the deception. Clear models for correcting deceitful behavior should be applied here:

  • - if the reason for lying is excessive control, the first thing to do is to weaken it and gradually increase the child's area of ​​responsibility for his actions;
  • - if the child is notorious, his lie is associated with self-doubt, - we work to improve the child's self-esteem;
  • - if the child is lonely, we pay more attention to him, try to help make friends with peers, take the child with a certain hobby;
  • - if the child has unfulfilled dreams, we assure him that they are feasible, we explain that this requires efforts and patience, and in the meantime we contribute to the dream quickly become a reality;
  • - if the child is lying, copying our actions, we sincerely admit that we were wrong and improve ourselves, not forgetting to demonstrate to the child our victories over ourselves.

Most people are accustomed to living in a frantic rhythm and from childhood they teach children to do this. Early development, selection to school on a competitive basis, competition imposed by society almost from kindergarten - all this is very tiring. We want to prepare children for the future, so that it would be easier for them at school, at the institute, at work ... At the same time, we do not always realize that it is so difficult for them now. The paradox is that this proactive play is ongoing and never ends. Leave time for your child to have fun. Do not overload yourself or your children. Someone who gets enough rest works well.

If you are one of the parents who primarily aim their children for success, victory, achievement, reconsider your requirements. Are they appropriate for your child's age? Dose the loads carefully.

Don't you demand high results at the same time in studies, sports, art? Identify your child's strengths and develop them. Everything else should recede into the background. Nobody can be the best at everything!

Have you agreed with your child what he should do outside school hours? Perhaps his father signed up for boxing an inborn vocalist who dreams of a stage, and sparring is hateful for him. Do not force children to do something they do not like, it will never give good results.

Avoid overly harsh punishments. The more the child is afraid of restrictions and punishments, the sooner he learns to avoid them in truthful, and then deceitful ways. It is much better to motivate the child with rewards.

If your daughter or son is lying, try positive affirmation. Formulate thematic positive phrases (affirmations) and repeat them from time to time with the child in a suitable setting. This method is very effective, so we offer several examples - replicas from conversations.

..I didn’t want to admit that it was my mistake, but I’m an honest person, so I told the truth.

... It became so easy for me when I made the decision to tell how everything really happened, because I know that EVERYONE appreciates the TRUTH.

... Daughter, if your friend knew that THE TRUTH OF COURT IS NOT AFRAID, she would not deceive her parents.

... Son, I know that you are an HONEST BOY and you can be trusted.

Encourage the child who is prone to lying to write positive statements in a secret notebook that will help them believe they are honest.

You can suggest playing the truth... In the morning after waking up, the child makes a promise not to cheat, and in the evening before bed he receives praise and rewards for honesty. Of course, in the event that the conceived succeeded. The reward should not be material or very significant. Don't promise your child an extra 30 minutes of cartoons. Let it be a compliment sticker on the previously prepared “I CAN BE TRUSTED” poster. The child will really want to glue the entire poster with positive inscriptions about himself!

If your child keeps a success journal, it is a great tool for motivating them to end the habit of lying. Encourage your child that writing “Speaking the Truth All Day” is a success and worth it to be the first item in the day.

Very good results are given by the conversations between parents and children about the "true" and "deceptive" days. During such discussions, always find out who the lie has harmed: the child himself, parents, teachers, friends, strangers. There will always be victims. Whoever it was, everyone deserved the truth. This is a favorable situation for reminding of the value of each person, of the importance of respectful attitude towards everyone. The most valuable thing in this discussion is that the liar realizes that he is the one who has suffered the most from his deception. The challenge for parents is to demonstrate the benefits of an honest lifestyle through concrete examples. That is why sometimes it is necessary to deliberately ignore children's lies, but create such conditions to give the child a chance to be convinced from his own experience: truth is always better than lies.

In children's literature, situations with "little liars" are often described. Pick up interesting thematic works about lies and liars, preferably short genres, and invite your child to read aloud to you, or read together. In addition to the fairy tales "About Truth and Untruth", many author's instructive stories have been written. We advise you to pay special attention to humorous works about liars. Laughter can help defuse the atmosphere and make you think. If a child sees how noticeable a lie can be from the outside, he will not want to be in the shoes of a laughingstock. Use artwork in order to unobtrusively discuss the problem using someone else's example. Let the child recognize himself in an unsightly role, this will help to rethink his own behavior.

When the children at school are given the task of working with proverbs and sayings, be sure to study and discuss a few on the topic of truth and lies, namely:

  • - You can hide the truth in a pit, and you cannot get out of the pit yourself.
  • - A bitter truth is better than a sweet lie.
  • - You can't hide the truth behind a lock.
  • “You can go around the whole world with a lie, but you won’t return home.”
  • - They listen to the lies, but they beat the liars.

Psychologists categorically prohibit physical punishment. It is unacceptable. However, sometimes punishment is indispensable. First of all, it must be consistent with the offense. Perceptible, but not too much. At the same time, it is important to separate the punishment for lying, and the punishment for the act, because of which one had to lie.

If you are interested in what is the universal remedy for lying, then know that this is true in different forms:

  • - straight Talk,
  • - recognition,
  • - keeping promises,
  • - your own example of honest behavior!

These recipes work flawlessly, although they require patience, consistency, adherence to principles and do not tolerate compromises.

Let us recall once again the main points that are important to remember for everyone who is faced with the problem of children's lies.

The innocent lies of preschool children do not need to be fought. It is enough to smoothly teach children to distinguish between the imaginary and the real world, gently facilitate adaptation to existing circumstances and help to perceive them correctly.

There are motivated reasons behind the lies of primary school children and adolescents, children are deliberately deceiving, and this must be fought against. Don't let this dangerous psychological weed take root in your child's behavior patterns.

Unfortunately, it is not always possible to restore eroded trust in the family without outside help. In many situations, if a child is lying, the advice of a psychologist is invaluable. Contact specialists.

Remember the importance of trust and unconditional love. It is they who will protect your relationship with children from deception. Cultivate them in your family circle!

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