How to behave with a man so that he falls in love: important recommendations. How to behave with a man so that he himself reaches out to a woman psychology How to behave with a man so that he

Of course, you noticed that in terms of relations with others, there are two types of people: those who adorn any company, with whom it is interesting and fun, and those who have little respect for the people around him. Why is this happening and how to communicate so that you are respected? Start changing yourself instead of changing others, and then, over time, respect will come, and you will improve relationships with others.

If you want to feel full of vitality, emotionally stable and gain respect, you must first know yourself. Knowing yourself will help build relationships with others based on trust, love and respect, happiness and common goals.

The beauty of the mind is surprising, the beauty of the soul is respect.
Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle

1. Learn to listen to others.

Wait for your turn to speak, do not limit the other person in their desire to communicate with you, do not interrupt him when he tells you something, even if you are not interested.

You can skillfully change the subject, but do not abruptly cut off the interlocutor in mid-sentence.

This bad habit ruined the life of more than one person. If you have one, then fight it.

43. Take up more space.

An insecure person is betrayed by his modest location in space. He sits on the edge of the chair, trying not to disturb anyone, elbows pressed, legs crossed under the chair.

Remember how you behave in a pleasant society. And try to take the same postures.

44. Keep your posture, gesticulate less.

If you are a leader, then this should be your first rule. After all, the boss should look like the boss - seriously, personably and boldly.

45. Be sincere.

Even if in order to make the right impression you need to embellish something, don't do it. This will give you a bad reputation.

46. ​​Don't promise what you can't deliver.

Keep your word always and everywhere. Otherwise, you can pass for a trepach.

In any workflow, there are times when your help may be needed. This is fine. But when helping colleagues, do not do it too emotionally.

Such a total surrender for some people may look like sycophancy. And to others, it may seem that you consider them to be incompetent workers or just stupid people. After all, only small children who can’t do anything are so happily helped.

47. Learn to tactfully refuse - so as not to offend a person

Indeed, due to the fact that it is inconvenient to say “no”, you may not have time to complete the task assigned to you. Politely apologize or offer to help after you've done what your boss has asked you to do. See also: How to learn to say "no" - learn to refuse correctly.

If you are a leader, it is very important to learn how to protect your subordinates and defend their interests. This does not mean that you will constantly indulge them. This means that what you think about them creates better working conditions for them. Show your care from the first working day!

48. Work hard.

If a newcomer is a lazy person, then the whole team understands that the unfulfilled volumes will fall on their shoulders. And no one wants to be stressed out.

49. Keep learning.

Develop as a specialist, leader and just as a person. There is no limit to perfection, and your desire to grow will be appreciated.

Who is friends with whom, what are the conversations about, what kind of people are here.

51. Don't gossip.

There are gossips in every team. You should not join them, but you should not wage war with them either. Because either way you will lose.

The best option is to listen to the person and leave under a valid pretext. In no case and with anyone not to discuss the news heard. After all, the ideal means of combating gossip is complete ignorance.

52. Participate in the collective life - this strengthens the collective.

If everyone is going to a restaurant, to the theater, to the cinema, go to the subbotnik with them.

53. Don't try to please everyone - it's impossible.

Be yourself. Because individuals with their own opinion and way of thinking are valued everywhere.

54. Know how to rejoice in the success of other people. This emphasizes your kindness.

55. Accept criticism appropriately

It needs to be listened to, and if you do not agree to calmly express your opinion. But do not shout, do not get personal and do not be offended.

56. Accept people for who they are.

You should not impose your opinion, your own ways of solving problems and organizing working moments. Everyone decides for himself how to live and how to work.

57. Immediately determine who you report to

And follow the instructions of superior people only. Since in almost any team there are lovers to command newcomers.

58. Try not to show excitement - breathe deeply when talking.

59. Don't be a know-it-all. The first days of simplicity will not hurt.

60. Don't open up completely to your colleagues.

And this rule applies not only to beginners. Not everyone needs to know what problems you have at home, what kind of relationship with your husband and children.

Why take out dirty linen from the hut? There is a world in which there is no entrance to outsiders. Let colleagues know only about your marital status.

61. Do not engage in idle chatter in the workplace

The sad fact is that instead of completing tasks, chatterboxes come to work just to chat. These employees are being fired as soon as possible. Neither bosses nor colleagues like them.

62. Do your job well

In any field of activity, experts in their field are the most respected. People love to give compliments to those who deserve them, such as those who always do a good job.

If you are new to the profession, this does not mean that you do not deserve respect. It's always hard to start.

This came with experience and the realization that one must not stop on the path of self-improvement and this will bring the respect of others. This cannot be achieved in one evening, but if you earn the respect of people, it will be for a long time.

63. Respect other people

Respect has two sides. If you want to be respected, you must first learn to respect others.

If you constantly encounter people who treat you with no respect, remember those whom you treated with no respect. In any case, at least one of these you will find.

Instead of resenting how bad people treat you, try to be nice to those you have treated badly. This will help you improve your relationships with everyone around you. When someone behaves badly towards me, I remember towards whom I behaved in the same way, and then I try to build a relationship with this person. This leads to positive shifts in my relationships with others.

64. Keep promises

Nobody likes dishonest and unreliable people. Respect deserves the one who is honest with his interlocutors, whom you can rely on and whose promises you can trust. I believe that honesty is the first step to achieving your higher self.

I always think about whether I can keep a promise before I make it, and if I made one, I will definitely keep it. If for some reason you can't meet your commitments, be sure to find someone who can do it for you.

65. Accept criticism

Contrary to popular belief, being a respected person does not mean not being criticized. In fact, everything is exactly the opposite.

The more people who know you and your work, the more criticism you get. People respect those who can take a negative assessment and get something positive out of it.

66. Treat yourself with respect

It's funny, but many people expect to be respected by other people, but at the same time they do not respect themselves. Have you ever scolded yourself for no reason? Do you love yourself completely and unconditionally? Are you exhausting yourself with lack of sleep, poor nutrition, or something similar?

If you don't respect yourself, you can't count on other people's respect. Start by loving yourself. And after self-love comes the love of others.

67. Act Like a Pro

This includes dressing well, being well-mannered, speaking well, and following the rules of etiquette. If you do not know the rules of etiquette, you need to get acquainted with them. It will be useful to attend classes on the rules of etiquette, even if you have a vague idea of ​​what is taught there.

When I was a student, I attended several of these classes on the topics of wine tasting, table manners, first meeting behavior and much more. I believe they have been helpful to me. What is studied there is by no means higher mathematics and what is learned helps in practice, when you know what can and cannot be done in a given situation.

68. Don't backbite

It does not matter in what field of activity - both in professional and social communication, do not speak badly about people. By slandering, you will not earn the respect of other people. If you have any complaints about a certain person or you do not like what he / she does, talk to this person.

Don't say bad things about him/her behind your back, because discussion behind your back will lead to further gossip and innuendo. Whether you realize it or not, it will not only make you look bad, but it will hurt that person. Be honest and open with the people you interact with.

69. Stand up for your beliefs

Have you met people who, without thinking, easily agree with everything they are told? I have come across such people, and in the end, their agreement ceases to have any meaning.

Personally, I have more respect for someone who (politely) disagrees and stands his ground than someone who always sings along.

Only having your own opinion and thinking with your own head, you can achieve the respect of the people around you. Don't be afraid to stand up for your beliefs. At the same time, make sure you do it politely and don't offend those around you.

70. Be yourself

It is always better to be the original of yourself than the exact likeness of someone else. People respect individuals who do not try to imitate anyone.

So many people try their best to be what they are not, and in the end they lose their own identity. Find yourself, understand who you are. The world needs people who are themselves, not clones of each other.

71. Be an example to others

Actions speak louder than words. Are you setting an example for others with your behavior? Are you following established standards of conduct? Do you earn respect by backing up words with deeds?

A person who is respected by other people, by his personal example, pushes others to good and right deeds.

Conclusion

If you have self-respect, there is a very good chance that you want others to treat you with respect. It is clear that age is not a prerequisite or a magic key that can open the chest with respect for others when communicating with them. It all depends on how you will behave, how you will treat others and what actions you will perform.

Respect is earned by deeds, not acquired over the years.
Frank Lloyd Wright

In this article, we looked at ways to become a person who is respected by the surrounding interlocutors when communicating with them. These tips are suitable for everyone, regardless of age and social status.

All parents are faced with children's tantrums, when a bursting crying baby does not want to calm down in any way. We offer you some tips that will help you in the most appropriate way to behave in such a situation.

1. Let's analyze the tantrum in a situation where the child is not to blame for what happened.

If your baby is still very young, and he is not good at expressing in words what he feels and what is the reason for his frustration, go up to him, squat down and hug him tightly. Kiss, pity, stroke. Express your sympathy to him. At the same time, tell him that you understand his feelings (he is hurt, offended, he got angry - name the reason for his tears). This is done so that a child from 1 year old (or even earlier) can become aware of his feelings, understand himself better, and later learn to express his condition in words. When the child begins to sob a little less, look into his eyes and explain how he should proceed next. For example, say that now he will calm down, and you will go for a walk together (play, have lunch, etc.)

2. Hysteria, when the child is to blame for what happened.

Do the same. Sit next to the baby, hug him, wait until he becomes able to listen. Tell him in a short and clear phrase what he did wrong: “So (call it how) you can’t do it. Don't do that again, please." The voice at the same time should be strict, but not angry. Look your child in the eye and ask, "Won't you do that again?" Wait for a nod or some other sign of agreement from the baby. You can safely switch a calmed baby to another activity.

3. If a child throws a tantrum on the street demanding something, your neutral reaction to what is happening will help calm him down.

Do not shout, do not attract the attention of passers-by, do not intimidate the child. Just calmly tell him, but in a way that he can hear, "No, we can't do that now." Turn away, go towards the house, talk to your neighbor, do whatever you want, just do not pay attention to your whim, writhing on the ground and screaming at the top of his lungs. The concert will end as soon as the child realizes that he cannot achieve anything in this way. Some children need less time, some more.

Attention! If you have ever yielded to your child and followed his lead, do not be surprised, such tantrums can become regular, since all children are very good manipulators.

4. Learn to properly punish children.

In this case, some tantrums can simply be avoided. Properly brought up children, whose parents are balanced and loving people, are less prone to tantrums.

Good luck in this hard work of education!

According to statistics, 75% of married couples break up in the first 5 years of marriage. Former spouses complain about the loss of interest and respect for each other. This can be avoided if you know how to properly behave with a man at the stage of acquaintance, during the candy-bouquet period and in close communication. Psychologists are sure that in order to build harmonious relationships, so that the chosen one always notices a woman, she needs to behave correctly, voice her requests to him and be able to thank.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW! Fortuneteller Baba Nina:"There will always be plenty of money if you put it under your pillow..." Read more >>

Secrets to attracting men on the first date

In women's magazines, you can often read recommendations on how to meet a man and behave so that he pays attention to a girl. In real life, following such advice, ladies begin to realize that in reality everything is much more complicated. Any rules limit a woman, which causes tension.

Instead of acting natural, the fair sex thinks about how to sit properly to look sexy, or what to say to keep the conversation going. Following the advice of psychologists, you need to act exactly the opposite - be natural, emotional, without trying to predict the reaction of the interlocutor.

To arouse interest in a man on the first acquaintance, you need to follow the following basic principles:

• Do not consider a young man as a potential spouse from the first minutes of meeting.
• Do not idealize a man. He is not God, but an ordinary person, with his own fears and shortcomings.
• Do not express dissatisfaction. Claims at the first meeting look silly.
• Don't remember the past. Talking about yourself, you need to talk only about the present.
• Don't talk about problems. You can’t put work-related problems on the shoulders of the chosen one or complain about your ex-husband. Complaining scares off successful men.
• Be open. No need to be afraid to immediately indicate your intentions, talk about the desire to build a serious relationship.
• If you don't like something, say it right away. We must not forget about ourselves, wanting to please others. In order to avoid resentment, they first voice what specifically is unpleasant, and then indicate the reason. It is worth talking about the actions of a person, but not giving him a description.
• Be interested in the future plans of the interlocutor. For a serious-minded person, female openness will arouse genuine interest.
• Be easy to communicate. A smile and an appropriate joke will add ease to the conversation.

The date should end a little earlier. A friend should have a feeling of understatement. Then he wants to meet again.

Every man wants to see a feminine girl next to him. To attract the attention of a male representative you like, it is not necessary to wear a short dress with an open neckline.

Psychologists recommend to observe moderation in clothes and behave with dignity. You should not look at a man with an evaluating look. The posture of the girl should be even. Haste and quick gait spoil the first impression of a woman. You need to speak politely, without using jargon.

It is worth remembering that already on the first date, the behavior of the girl should indicate in her an unobtrusive and self-confident personality. Then the interlocutor will understand that it will take effort to continue communication.

How to keep men of different types

The goal that a woman should adhere to in a relationship with a man is to become the only, indispensable for him, so that he is afraid of losing her. But this does not mean at all that the girl should turn into a housewife who does not leave the stove. To begin with, a girl should determine the type of her chosen one in order to choose the right course of action in the future.

type of man	How to keep a guy interested	What repels him in a woman
jealous owner	He likes to make his own rules. He likes it when a woman knows how to improve her life and devotes all her free time to household chores. Psychologists call the advantage of communicating with a jealous owner his ability to solve any problems, the ability to take responsibility. It is necessary to maintain courage and approve the desire to help. It is worth agreeing with his opinion and do not forget to repeat that he is the best and is able to solve any problem.	Disobedience, zealous upholding of one's opinion. Powerful men are accustomed to assert themselves through the fulfillment of requests and promises. If a woman does not ask for anything, he will look for another who will let him show his strength.
Thoughtful	With a calm and slow guy, you can make contact through conversations about his work and interests. An intellectual will be able to be loved for such a representative of the stronger sex if she does not burden him with problems and has her own hobby	Stupidity, haste, activity, initiative, remarks
Complaisant	To make him fall in love, you should thank the chosen one for the care and attention, take the initiative in the relationship yourself. It is necessary to make sure that he sees a friend and colleague in his beloved. The girl must be strong and give clear instructions.	Lack of support, gratitude, admiration
Metrosexual	It is necessary to emphasize his competence in beauty, fashion and style. It will not be superfluous to voice admiration for the ideal figure, the desire to keep fit and stand out from the crowd.	Will not tolerate an unkempt girl next to him
Golden mean	This type is a cross between a jealous owner and a helpful one. He does not limit the freedom of his beloved and allows her to realize herself in work. He knows how to take responsibility for the family, the main thing for the chosen one is to transfer this responsibility to him in time. In communication, it is necessary to adhere to the “ping-pong game”, answering his questions. A girl can voice her opinion, but she should not have an ardent desire to defend it. For a guy to be respected, one should not criticize his actions and the fruits of his labors. Wanting to feel loved, you need to correctly direct the chosen one to fulfill your desires. You need to push a man to certain actions slowly so that he notices that it is beneficial to both	Dullness, mediocrity

Rules of conduct based on the sign of the zodiac

The behavior of a partner is influenced by his zodiac sign. To better understand how to attract the attention of a man, you should turn to the advice of astrologers.

Zodiac sign	What attracts him in a girl	What repels in a woman
Aries	He likes to achieve the heart of the chosen one, to play hunting. You should not open up right away, you need to leave a trace of mystery and mystery. In the chosen ones, Aries appreciates brightness, emotionality, romanticism and sometimes extravagance.	Lack of self-esteem, self-loathing
Taurus	His chosen one must constantly attract and charm. Otherwise, Taurus will quickly end the love affair. You need to be gentle, sweet and sensual	Rudeness, straightforwardness, bordering on rudeness, infidelity
Twins	Gemini likes long gatherings in a cozy home environment. A girl with a subtle sense of humor and high self-esteem can fall in love with a Gemini man. The chosen one will not hesitate to ask a woman for advice in a difficult life situation and will definitely appreciate the ability of a friend to think soberly	Lack of intelligence, moodiness, arrogance
Crayfish	Tenderness, devotion, dreaminess, romance. A girl should seem pure and innocent, homely, be able to trust and follow a man, and not ahead of him. It is necessary to establish relations with the parents of Cancer. The opinion of a mother is very important to a man	Aggressiveness, arrogance
a lion	It is necessary to yield in disputes, not trying to prove your opinion at all costs. Lions are characterized by willpower, assertiveness, intransigence. He is always sure that he is doing the right thing. Leo's chosen one should be aristocratic, well-educated and be able to ignore harsh remarks	Assertiveness, excessive initiative, rudeness
Virgo	It is worth showing the qualities of a hostess, keeping the house clean and comfortable	Bright make-up, defiant clothes, mismanagement, slovenliness
Scales	You need to make sure that Libra is in the spotlight. In addition to erudition and extraordinary thinking, the chosen one needs to have mystery. Libra will definitely want to reveal a woman's secret	Passivity, talkativeness, excessive curiosity
Scorpion	A lady needs to learn how to manipulate a man. A woman must understand that the coldness of Scorpio is only external. If you give him the slightest reason for jealousy, then the guy will lose his temper. Therefore, psychologists call the compromise of the chosen ones an important condition for a successful love relationship. In other areas of life, a girl needs to show confidence, build her career	Lack of recognition of his positive qualities, approval and gratitude
Sagittarius	A guy will like it if a girl loves going out into nature, traveling and cycling	Closure, incredulity, downtroddenness, monotony of speech
Capricorn	Femininity and tenderness, respect for the male sex, tact and elegance. Capricorn is ready to court an independent and self-confident nature for a long time.	Rudeness and obscene language, inability to admit one's mistakes and compromise
Aquarius	The girl should be a stronghold of cheerfulness and friendliness. His house is full of friends and relatives, so if a girlfriend can unite the family, he will not leave her unattended.	Rampant lifestyle, career realization
Fish	It is worth supporting the undertakings and hobbies of a man. Need to develop inner peace and restraint	Assertiveness, emotionality, indifference to the life of a loved one

How to stay wanted and close

Wanting to get the guy she likes at all costs, the girl forgets that the greatest value is herself. The psychology of girls is such that completely adjusting to the second half, she is more likely to lose herself than the chosen one. Studies have shown that women who give up work, creative pursuits for the sake of a man become uninteresting and no longer feel desirable.

This is natural, because the chosen one was attracted to her in a special state - when she was spiritualized and filled with her own interests. internally anda slender girl is not able to arouse the interest of others. Therefore, the beloved easily parted with her.

You can communicate with a man so that he is drawn to a woman using the following psychological techniques:

1. 1. Don't be impulsive in relationships.
2. 2. Take your time, take the initiative. Winning is a man's job.
3. 3. Give up excessive sensitivity, learn to restrain spiritual impulses.
4. 4. Realize why a girl needs her chosen one and what she can give him. It is necessary to give love selflessly, without demanding anything in return.
5. 5. Do not make claims. It turns men off. It is necessary to express disagreement with the actions of a partner calmly, showing respect and tact. From scandalous women quickly leave.
6. 6. Have your own opinion. Everyone has the right to act and think as he sees fit. You should take this into account and not deprive yourself of such a right.
7. 7. Don't try to keep a man with sex. This does not work.
8. 8. Fight your own fears. The fear of losing your man turns the relationship into a farce. Psychologists advise to observe disturbing thoughts and tension from the outside. For relaxation, even and deep breathing with a concentration of attention on a tense part of the body will help.

What to do so that love does not fade away

If a woman uses the recommendations of psychologists, she will be able to build a truly harmonious relationship and save love. Relationships become special if the chosen one respects the person who took responsibility at the beginning of the relationship.

• Do not be afraid to ask a man for help. This is difficult for girls who are used to achieving everything on their own in life. Women's requests develop a man and give an incentive to move forward. Sincere gratitude for the fulfillment of requests works wonders. A man tries for the second half in order to get living emotions of joy and happiness from his beloved.
• It is recommended to spend time together more often, at least on weekends. A good tradition will be dinner at the same table or reading books, board games.
• You can not talk badly about a man in the presence of relatives or strangers. Calling with complaints to my mother is also superfluous, because she is biased.

Whatever happens, it is necessary to understand that an endless showdown will only destroy the union. Perhaps tomorrow one of the couple will wake up with the feeling that the partner is no longer interested in him. Being around and supporting a man is the best thing a woman can do to get attention and earn love.

The story of one of our readers Alina R.:

Money has always been my main concern. Because of this, I had a lot of complexes. I considered myself a failure, problems at work and in my personal life haunted me. However, I decided that I still needed personal help. Sometimes it seems that the matter is in yourself, all failures are only a consequence of bad energy, the evil eye, or some other evil force.

But who will help in a difficult life situation, when it seems that the whole life is going downhill and passing by you. It is difficult to be happy working as a cashier for 26 thousand rubles, when you had to pay 11 for renting an apartment. Imagine my surprise when my whole life suddenly changed overnight for the better. I could not even imagine that it is possible to earn so much money that some kind of trinket at first glance could have such an impact.

It all started when I ordered a personal...

It doesn’t matter how: whether she brought magpie on her tail, whether well-wishers sang, or “burned raspberries” herself, but you know - he has another one! Rhetorical questions “Why do I need this?”, “What did I do wrong?” and the lamentations “I ironed his shirts, cooked borscht, gave birth to children, gave half my life” were left behind, now there is only one question on the agenda - it is the most important and main one: “What to do, how to behave?” Psychologists divide this difficult period into four stages, which each of the cunningly deceived goes through. What can turn into a "stop" on any of them is an interesting and useful topic.

Stage one ACCORDING TO STANISLAVSKY, OR "I DON'T BELIEVE!"

On practice. Lika beat off the "feeds" about her husband's infidelity as famously as Sharapova's tennis balls on the court. “I don’t believe a single word,” she repeated to her stubborn mistress, who called her with enviable regularity and informed her that

a) she is the same Anya with whom her husband sleeps;

b) Petya (unfaithful husband) grunts cutely in a dream;

c) Petenka has a mole in the “causal” place.

On the mole, Lika broke down, but then she pulled herself together and said as she cut off: “I still don’t believe it.”

What is fraught with. As much as a woman believes, so much a man will lie about extracurricular work, an animal boss, unexpected business trips to a neighboring city. And to live as if a double life is normal: And even if the mistress will do everything possible to, so to speak, prove the fact of her existence: well, there she will stuff the thong into the pocket of her jacket, scratch her name on her back with her nails, again, the man will dump the whole blame on her. “I’m not here at all, it’s not my fault, she came herself.” Do you believe again? Then get ready for

the fact that he will continue to live on two fronts and still in a calm mode. The husband gets used to the fact that for everyone this situation is, as it were, in the order of things and is sincerely surprised when suddenly an accommodating spouse (in an hour / month / year, it all depends on who needs how much in order to finally realize and digest the fact of betrayal) goes into the stage second.

Stage two STORM! THE STORM IS COMING!

On practice. Psychologists say we are terribly afraid of being abandoned. This fear is one of the deepest, comes from childhood. The betrayal of a husband hits the sick, so it is not surprising that some of us begin to behave like foolish babies. They cling to their husband's pants, as they once did to their mother's skirt with the words: "Don't leave, stay with me", "I'm good, she's bad" and "I won't give you to anyone." In fact, children have a lot of trump cards, how to achieve what they want: there is crying, and hysteria, and deaf defense. Which one to draw.

What is fraught with. The fact is that the husband is not a mother and not a father. And he reacts in his own way, like a man. The fact that men are afraid of women's tears is true. Therefore, the first reaction to a salty waterfall is to regret and reassure. Promises from the series “Mom

I swear, this will not happen again”, “I love, I will buy, we will fly”, if only the humidity coefficient would decrease. But here's the catch: promises made under "pressure" are 80% not kept (based on personal experience - 99% of them).

As an option, the husband can simply run away so as not to see the suffering of his wife. Because looking at the torment through his fault is even more unbearable for a peasant than watching the game of the Russian national football team. It is easier to sneak away (and it is possible that to the viper-mistress).

It is easier for a man to deal with pouted lips and defiant silence, because there is no pressure on emotions. “You wanted to make me feel guilty? OK, dear, you did it. And - “you have thirty-three roses on you”, or maybe something cooler - a velvet case, and there is a ring in it. It's more like the game “You - me, I - you". But keep in mind, it is not worth delaying with her, otherwise, he may get involved and also begin to pretend to be an idol from Easter Island.

There are three male reactions to tantrums and screams. The first is to slam the door, so much so that the plaster falls off. The second is to shandarakh on your head so that you finally shut up. The third is to yell in response: "And you are a fool, and your mother."

In general, you yourself know better what your "macho" is capable of. But after any of these scenes, inevitably comes...

Stage three NEGOTIATION

On practice. Having come to her senses, that is, having returned from childhood to adult reality, a woman understands that she must live on. It's time to agree with the opposite (sometimes in the literal sense) side how. Different women choose different ways of negotiating.

Threats and blackmail. “You won’t see children”, “I’ll disgrace you at work”, “I’ll see her together, I’ll tear my hair out”, and without specifying who exactly. The list can be expanded and supplemented if desired.

"Wise". “Excellent wives” talk about their feelings and experiences: “I love you, I forgive you, but it hurts me.” Not forgetting to pamper the unfaithful with steam cutlets and boogie-woogie nights in sexy lingerie.

Related. My aunt, a simple village woman, having learned about Uncle Grisha's betrayal (uncle worked as a conductor, he had these Charlie angels at every stop), did not make a fuss, but let go with God: “Go, they say, falcon, to your sweetheart. After all, you are not a stranger to me, I want you to be happy. If it doesn't work, come back." The uncle grabbed a suitcase with German translations on the facade - and that was it.

Final. Proud women, with a developed sense of self-worth and high self-esteem, break off relations immediately, without even entering into a fight: “It’s all over between us, period.”

What is fraught with. The “terrorist” version of the development of events usually does not lead to anything good. Blackmail by children and material wealth works well only to ensure that the man is formally listed in the family and sometimes comes home to spend the night. When you give an ultimatum “either you leave her or you are left with a bare ass”, male logic works in an incomprehensible way. He regards this as "I'm not leaving, for everyone I remain in the status of your husband, but I can do anything." Blackmail turns your wife from a loved one to a business partner (in this case, your failing marriage). And with a partner, you need to keep your eyes open. And this is no longer family life, but its agony.

"Excellent wives" turn a man into a self-confident insolent, as he begins to associate himself with a valuable prize, for which two ladies are fighting a real battle. Moreover, the priorities change all the time: today the wife received “five”, tomorrow

mistress. This tactic may well lead to success, especially when a man begins to have problems with potency. When even Semenovich does not help, he finally "settles" in the family. Only this victory is not easy for a woman. To be/seem to be wise all the time - how much vitality and nerves do you need to have?!

Only mature and experienced strategists can afford to do what my aunt did. Most men on the blue eye swallow the bait and what do you ride an Arabian horse into a new life. And after a week / month / year, the clatter of hooves is heard at the native threshold. As experience and practice show, one out of ten takes root in a foreign territory. Everyone else appreciates the strategic move. Uncle Grisha returned to his aunt three months later, rather shabby, but with a stunted bouquet of daisies and a package of Dixie washing powder, which was then in short supply.

As for the option “to seem proud, I had the strength,” here events can develop according to two scenarios. Either a man immediately rushes to win over a proud wife, or considers such behavior to be proof that she never loved him, and with a light heart and a clear conscience, he puts her on the list of "former".

Stage Four LET GO

On practice. One day the day will come when the wife, applying cream on her face or tinting her eyelashes, will send a smile to her reflection, exhale and say: “Come what may”, let go of the situation on all four sides. And this stage is the most dangerous. No, not for a woman, but for a man. Because now she is a stranger to him, and not Dunya, whom he cheated on. She even in the depths of her soul pities this prodigal parrot, now he “walks” with her in Wheelchairs or Sashuli (like an orphan and wretched), and she lives her life interesting and full.

What is fraught with. And as soon as a woman reaches the state of nirvana and spiritual comfort, He appears on the threshold with sweets, champagne and a cake. Is the hunter's instinct working? No, what a shame! You will have to decide for yourself whether to start writing a new page with the “old” repentant sinner or still open another book. Now His fate is in your hands and... isn't that what you wanted?

We continue the theme of dependence in relationships and betrayal of a husband with his mistress. we wrote about the psychology of such relationships, considering them from the perspective of a mistress. Looking at the situation from the other side implies no less internal torment. The article will help wives understand the reasons for what happened, sort out their thoughts and feelings, and cope with their husband's infidelity.

My husband has a mistress. What will happen now?

How to behave if the husband has a mistress? You worked on building a family, kept the hearth, did everything to make him happy, but ... your husband took a mistress. This is a blow to pride, worldview, trust, which can seriously shake your future perception of relationships, moreover, not only with your husband, but also with other people.

The first question that pops up in a wife who finds out that her husband has a lover is purely psychological: “What is wrong with me.”

If you subconsciously begin to look for the causes of the problem in yourself, it is better at first to seek help from a psychologist. The situation when you are looking for the roots of the problem in yourself is acceptable if you understand your relationship with your husband, but the reasons for your husband to go to his mistress may not concern you at all or concern both of you.

Why do husbands go to mistresses?

There are not so many reasons why your husband went to look for pleasure on the side. Basically, it all boils down to:

• or he is dissatisfied with what is happening in your relationship;
• or, in principle, he doesn’t care how good they are - he is looking for (and will look for) new emotions outside the family.

Do not try to find other reasons why the husband wants to leave for his mistress. How important are they?

Before drawing conclusions, try to calm down from the piled up emotions when you are ready to pack your things, children, cat and leave for your parents.

Or immediately dial his number and, choking with tears, shout incoherent accusations "how could he." He did it, but he won't tell you how. To understand the motives, think about what could have caused your husband to take a mistress. You will not necessarily find the truth, but you will be able to form at least a primary view of the problem by removing the rose-colored glasses that everything in your family is fine.

Why did your husband have a mistress?

Family relationships.

Evaluate them realistically, taking into account the views from both his and your side. Are you really a family, and not 2 people living together, how often do quarrels and misunderstandings happen and how serious are they, do you roll a lump of discontent and resentment from year to year, do you have common interests and goals, are you ready to seek compromises? Or are you two people constantly competing for their own rightness? Ask yourself as many questions about your relationship as possible. How do you feel about them? Do you have a hard time with them? Is it difficult to remember certain situations? Are you holding a grudge? It is possible that your husband is experiencing the same thing. A separate conversation about the monotony and routine of family life. It becomes boring, addictive and destroys activity and purposefulness. Is there a sharpness in your relationship, an incentive to do something, to develop?

Your "I".

This applies to both internal space and external manifestations. With external ones, it’s understandable: by ceasing to take care of herself, a woman becomes less attractive to a man who, on an instinctive level, has a craving for sexually attractive girls. Therefore, even at the subconscious level, he will strive for well-groomed ladies whom he sees outside the home. In internal aspects it is more difficult. Psychological problems, complexes, fears of partners directly affect relationships.

Do you have a guilt complex towards your husband? Do you feel unworthy of him? Are you denying him sexual intimacy because of your own complexes? Narrowed all interests only on the family and him - the one and only and most important?

It is morally difficult for a person with such a partner, even if he has really deep feelings. A mistress appears just in situations where a man wants to relieve stress from such psychological problems. Or the reverse side is the excessive detachment of the wife from the relationship, when the focus is on career, social life, and personal interests. Being "forgotten", a man will seek support and recognition outside the home.

His way of life.

This applies not so much to the circle of communication as to manners. He can be an exemplary family man and husband, but in the absence of a family, forget about all obligations, looking for confirmation of his masculinity and attractiveness. The constant thirst for a new one pushes him to betrayal, because he simply does not understand where else to draw emotions from. This is a need for emotional and physical relaxation, a way to “let off steam”, get a dose of adrenaline from a secret relationship. At the same time, some men firmly believe that they do not deceive their wife, as they continue to love her, while they consider their mistress an object from another plane.

Your relationship is long over.

Both you and he have not been close for a long time, living together because of habit, obligations, fear of judgment or ordinary fears of change. Happy moments still flare up in your life, the connecting threads are not all broken yet, you even have common plans, but, in fact, none of you need a relationship for a long time. And the fact that your husband has a mistress is more of a pattern than someone else's mistake or an unexpected twist of fate. It is possible that this is his way to end the relationship or try to prove to himself that he still loves you. Or he simply liked another girl.

If, after analyzing your relationship, you find out the reason for your husband’s betrayal and agree with it, it’s up to you to decide whether to build relationships or end them, survive the pain and build your own life without him.

But whatever conclusion you draw, do not make a decision without talking to your husband. But don't blame, listen. He did it and had reasons for it, even if they are not clear to you. Cries, tears and insults will not achieve anything. Try to save at least your nerves.

How to behave if your husband has a mistress

Depending on our characters, we can be unshakable and resolute, rush from black to white, love and hate, be afraid to take a step in any direction. Each person is unique, and the process of experiencing betrayal for everyone occurs individually. Moreover, the behavior in different respects of the same person can differ significantly.

If your husband has a mistress - this is not the end of life, this is her stage.

And how to relate to this fact - to accept or silently leave - you choose. After the news that hit your head and made your legs wadded, you can commit rash acts and say unnecessary words, because all that drives you is emotions and resentment. Try to calm down and soberly assess the situation.

Start by asking yourself. So it will be easier for you to understand how to act, how to get rid of unnecessary suffering and not bring yourself to depressive states. And the first question should not be " What is wrong with me", a “How do I want the situation to be resolved?”. The answer to it will show you the direction of further actions. Understand that your husband had a choice - to be faithful to you and try to solve problems or have a mistress.

You also have a choice when the unpleasant truth has surfaced.

• Do you want to be with your husband, save your family and are ready to forget betrayal?
• Or do you understand that you will never be able to forgive him for his mistress?

Whatever you decide - to return your husband from his mistress or look for ways out of such a relationship, do not back down. By throwing and constantly returning thoughts to what happened, you will drive yourself into dependence on it, and this is already fraught with psychological problems.

"Let it go on all 4 sides"

If you understand that your husband’s mistress will forever be “stuck” in your relationship, even if they part, that no actions, the repentance of a loved one will return trust and love, it’s better not to torment yourself, do not find out the reasons for the betrayal and end the relationship on this unpleasant, but point already set by the spouse. Naturally, you need to realize whether you are driven by emotions that will subside tomorrow, or you are really ready to end the relationship, without further clarifications, calls and accusations.

“I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know how to forgive him either”

If your goal is to save your family, then you need a sober mind and a conscious approach to solving the situation. Excessive nervousness will only hurt you and your relationship. Start small: try to observe the situation. Acting head-on in this case is not always a good tactic. As well as trying to go against yourself: you will not be able to reverse your attitude to the situation, no matter how strong your feelings are.

Your most important resource that will help you cope with this situation is awareness of your uniqueness and value.

No wonder there is a phrase: "There would be no happiness, but misfortune helped." If the husband has taken a mistress, take this, first of all, as a signal that it is time to pay attention to yourself, your personality and your own goals. Start fulfilling the desires that you put off “for later”, take up a career or master a new direction in work, realize your talents and stop hiding your abilities.

It's hard to believe, but this is the most effective way out of the situation. The main difficulty is that after the news about the mistress of a loved one, you are enveloped in apathy and unwillingness to do at least something that would help get out of the situation. All thoughts are directed deep into the problem, digging into it and looking for causes. But if you really want to improve the situation, remember that neither your tears, nor reproaches, nor worries and accusations will work here. Any person, not only your husband, will not want to be in a psychologically difficult atmosphere.

The reverse side of this situation is that you can only return your husband from your mistress when you return your personality to yourself, without linking your life with him. The more you devote time to yourself, letting go of the situation and getting rid of experiences, the higher the chances that your husband will appreciate it. Otherwise, he has a choice: a tearful, depressed, upset wife, mired in resentment, or a cheerful, understanding and not demanding anything in return lover. In this situation, the choice of a man is obvious.

“I am ready to forgive him for everything, if only he would return!”

No, not ready. You are ready to drown out feelings of resentment and misunderstanding in order for him to be there. By the way, only physically nearby. The outcome is typical - everything repeats.

You forgive betrayal, peace is established in your family, you cry into your pillow at night, but the situation gradually levels off, familiar family life sets in and ... soon you will find out that your husband has cheated again.

The psychology of a married man who systematically cheats is quite simple: I am free in my choice, I do what I want, she will forgive me anyway". It is not difficult to return a man from his mistress, but how ready are you to torment yourself with doubts for years, whether he is at work or with another girl, to blame yourself for suspicions, to drag a constant load of insults?

“It hurts me, but I don’t want to lose him, I just want to understand the reasons for what was wrong”

You will not understand these reasons, no matter how hard you try to find out, taking him by the breasts and pulling information out of him. The reasons for male infidelity may be in a different plane of your understanding. So, the husband's answer is that he took a mistress because "it happened", - you are unlikely to be satisfied, but he will not give you another. Another “serious conversation” started by you will only complicate the situation: instead of his guilt, he will feel angry at you, which will not allow him to realize what is happening.

Initial admiration for a mistress arises from the halo of mystery around rare, spy encounters, but it quickly fades if not fueled from the outside.

By trying to "dig up" something, you contribute to a new game - "friendship is against you." Your husband, now as a victim of a constantly dissatisfied wife, comes to the savior-mistress, with whom he is comfortable and at ease.

Give the man a choice - to stay with you or build a relationship on the side, but without you in his life. This choice will most likely not be in favor of your family. And that's okay. Understand, now he is not driven by rational arguments, he only knows that it’s bad with you - it’s good with her. Accept it and leave it alone.

So you deprive your husband in a relationship with his mistress of the main grain of their connection - the mystery of meetings. Give the man time to realize that you are no longer in his life, and appreciate this life. With a high degree of probability, comparing a new passion with you will be in your favor, and this will encourage him to try to return. Then it's up to you to decide whether you can live without remembering betrayal and without fear of new betrayals.