How can a girl survive in a male team? How to work for a girl or woman in a male team - the rules of survival
A woman in a male team - survive and remain herself
What are men like? Laconic, tough, result-oriented, loving strong drinks. What about women? Soft, kind, vulnerable, smiling. It's good when the masculine clashes with the feminine in the office, maintaining a precarious balance. When the "stronger sex" prevails, you have to adapt - either cut your hair like a boy and merge with the team, or vice versa - vigorously fluff your femininity. However, do not forget about one more important thing - each case is individual.
“For a long time I was the only woman in the top management of one company,” says PM Team Managing Director Marina Vishnyakova. “I often had to spend time explaining that I prefer to communicate in correct Russian.
A woman in a male team has to either become coarse herself or endure. I think it's unbearable. A woman is constantly measured for stress resistance and no adjustments are made for her gender. A woman is supposed to work 24 hours a day and always look great. However, I am grateful for this experience - the habit of looking good, always smiling, sitting with a straight back, apparently, will never disappear.
Collide with male foreheads
Psychologist Natalia Kravchenko believes that the male team is characterized by strength, competitiveness, and hierarchy. "Although, of course, there is a place for friendship in it, nevertheless, the main angle of interaction between men is the focus on joint solutions to professional problems. A colleague is valued, first of all, his skill, and only then personal qualities: for the sake of the result, men may well sacrifice emotional comfort" .
In a sense, it can be said that work in a purely male team is more difficult than in a purely female one, the psychologist believes. If women can get stuck, bogged down in trifles or interpersonal relationships, then men risk getting involved in a tough struggle for superiority, which, ultimately, will stop the process of moving towards the goal altogether. A man needs someone to recognize his superiority, and since it is rather paradoxical to recognize the mutual superiority of each other, a woman - even one - can positively influence the situation. From the point of view of the professional development of the team, the male team has more potential than the female team, but the realization of this potential directly depends on the ability to overcome the temptation to fight for the championship.
Plato is to blame
“In general, Plato is to blame for everything, as usual, who argued that “... by nature, both a woman and a man can take part in all matters, but a woman is weaker than a man in everything,” says psychologist Yuri Matsnev. “No matter what we say, even today the social order is based on inequality, including gender, and is provided by intra-group power and its main tool, violence.”
In addition to the pronounced hierarchy, Matsnev considers relatively stable alliances “for their own” and “against others” for the sake of status and territory to be a characteristic feature of the male group.
The specialist believes that it is generally better for a woman to stay away from such relationships if she does not want to be their victim or build behavior according to the male model with all the ensuing consequences for her personality. "You need to be very careful in following the gender stereotypes of this group: voluntarily taking on the role of wife-mother-vest-dishwasher-fighting girlfriend, you can forever part with the role of a professional," Matsnev emphasizes.
"Only one thing can compensate for the sad fact - the principle of social inequality: when the system of relations between members of the group is mediated by joint activity and is based on it," the psychologist is sure. "customers" praises. Only in this case it is possible to go beyond gender roles and prejudices. "
Stories from life: kindergarten, second group
"After 2.5 years of work in the men's team, I have no illusions about the strong half of humanity," says Oksana ( hereinafter, all the names of the narrators have been changed. - Approx. office life)- I felt like a teacher in a kindergarten, although I was 5-8 years younger than all: either one employee cannot come because he got drunk, then another has personal circumstances, then the third is terminally ill. By the way, female colleagues always get sick less tragically. In addition, each of my employees, of course, was the smartest. And something could be achieved from him only by hinting at his extraordinary mind.
Men's rules
Business psychologist Alexander Afanasiev believes that it is useful to "dilute" the male team with representatives of the weaker sex. “First of all, you need to remember that the arrival of at least one or three persons of the opposite sex in both the “purely male” and “purely female” teams immediately raises labor productivity by at least 15%, he says. “This was calculated by meticulous Americans and here I agree with them.
There are many hidden "rules of the game" in the men's team, but one thing is indisputable and convex: you will find much less sympathy and sentiment in it, the psychologist is sure. What "rules of the game of work" do men adhere to in their teams?
1st rule- "the rule of confident competence". Men, to the last strength, wear the mask of a confident know-it-all even when they are completely unsure of their abilities. They seek help only in extreme cases, calling it "only when it is really needed." Men are ready to make mistakes, BUT they carefully hide them and suffer from them for a long time. It is clear that Atlanta will not have enough health for a long time with this approach.
2nd rule- "the unsleeping eye of power." Men always try to control the events taking place around them, while not wanting to show their dependence on their superiors. It is accepted "until the last nerve" to hide that someone pisses you off and has already "got it." Complaining to colleagues is a sign of a weakling.
3rd rule- "a fight (duel) is a severe inevitability", therefore it is necessary to "fight". It is possible without excessive aggressiveness, but honestly. The latter is from the last century and is becoming more and more "anachrenism", since less and less often the opponent is given the right to "save face" in case of a loss.
4th rule- "teamwork", or "teammates always help each other." Loyalty is valued both to the whole team and to your group in it.
Combine the role of a bosom friend and a vest
"I worked in a men's team" at the dawn of a foggy youth, "says Olga. - For 50 representatives of the stronger sex - 2 women: I (the secretary of the general director) and an accountant. It worked well, there were no problems with the" boys ". I was friends with I covered them when I was late, I kept a supply of mints and chewing gum in my desk drawer... Well, they didn’t remain in debt either. the men were talking normally. Little and to the point."
Of the three types of teams, Olga prefers to work in mixed or male. She likes women less. “Women are too emotional, plus inevitable hormonal fluctuations, it’s good if at different times, and if not, it’s bad. Quiet horror,” she explains her position. doses."
Psychologist Natalia Kravchenko believes that a woman, first of all, faces a choice of what role she will play in the team. Option one - a "full" member of the team. In this case, a woman should be ready to adapt to the peculiarities of the male style of work, get used to a high pace, the absence of important, in her opinion, ethical aspects (for example, rudeness in a male team is by no means always a sign of disrespect). The lady will have to prove that she does her job just as well, that she can be relied upon just like other colleagues, but as a reward she will receive stable respect and recognition from many male colleagues at once.
If a woman is not inclined to compete and sees no point in fighting for the title of the best manager/expert, then there is another way out. You can, on the contrary, emphasize your femininity, openly show not only strong, but also weak (but no less attractive) sides. With such a presentation of oneself, it is hardly worth counting on professional respect and a fast-moving career, but with a proper attitude towards the successes of the stronger sex colleagues, the girl will quickly be able to win the status of the guardian of a positive team spirit. She will be appreciated for her ability to create a good working atmosphere, to defuse the situation in time. Which role is more attractive - it's up to her.
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How can a gentle female fish, albeit difficult and large, smart and purposeful, survive among male sharks? How to join the male team and not be eaten? And also guard a career in such a team without ruining your femininity? Below you can find the answer to all these questions!
Male team and its features
In the male team, it is not customary to talk a lot and discuss personal life. Men are not interested in intrigues and gossip at work. If they gossip, then in extreme cases, not for long and outside the workplace. They are mainly interested in working moments, the result of their own labors and career growth. This is their culture of behavior at work.
In their careers, they are principled, they think only about business, they will destroy anyone who gets in their way. Only they know the situation in the office itself, even the bosses may not be aware of conflicts. And they destroy enemies quite worthily, beautifully, without meanness with their achievements, ideas, willpower, aggression (if this is a real man). They think straightforwardly, they are used to solving problems, and not endlessly discussing them. In a word, natural aggression and strength are sublimated into careers and achievements. All this does not mean that men are evil or cruel. It's just how they are designed. This is their psychology. The rules of conduct at work are clearly marked.
The difference between the male team and the female team
Male and female teams are noticeably different from each other. In the first case, employees are focused on results, do not interfere with personal work. They love rude jokes and "strong words". They also talk a little about their favorite topics: world-class news, football, fishing, games, new technology, cars. Prone to action without emotion. Such is the psychology of the male team. But the second type of team is characterized by the following:
- constant gossip;
- intrigue;
- slander;
- hidden hatred for each other.
For some reason, it is believed that it is better and calmer to work with men. Is it so? Women's psychology is different from men's - nothing can be done about it. How to behave and what to do to make work in a male team pleasant and productive? Let's try to consider a few stereotypical opinions about this.
Opinion. Real men know that a woman is a weak creature, so they will insure the lady, give a hand and behave like gentlemen.
No. As soon as a woman enters the male team, she ceases to be the weaker sex. No one will forgive you for mistakes, wipe away your tears, take into account your poor health. They can be rude, make a remark.
And it's not about the stubbornness of men or their tactlessness, these are simply the rules of the game in the men's team. There is always a tough fight here, there are always winners and losers, and the prize is money or success.
Conclusion: a woman in a men's team should be an equal player. Otherwise, she will lose. Therefore, the conclusion: to become a team player.
Opinion. In the male team, the woman is always under close attention. Beautiful dresses and jewelry, makeup and perfume will provide her with universal admiration and promotion.
Again no. Men are much more passionate about work than you think, and will not pay attention to what you smell like. This is a feature of male psychology - not to notice the little things. Plus, constantly being in the spotlight and worrying about your appearance, you can get stressed, psychologists say.
And your clothes, all sorts of blouses with ruffles, dresses with frills, and even more so mini-skirts, irritate the subcortex of colleagues of the opposite sex. Well, you look like a stranger among men in suits.
So conclusion: dress properly.
Opinion. All men will look after you, and someone can offer a hand and heart.
Is not a fact. Men at work are more concerned about your professional qualities, and only then they see a woman in you - at lunchtime or after the end of the working day. Yes, and looking for a chosen one in the workplace is a hopeless business. They are bound by strong bonds of male brotherhood.
Conclusion: become a professional. Don't be afraid to learn and improve your skills.
Opinion. A lady who has fallen into a male team must forget that she is a woman and communicate with men on an equal footing.
In vain. You can adopt their style of behavior, pump up muscles, learn to speak in a bass voice, but you still won’t become “your own”. Men on a subconscious level will feel that this style is alien to you. And save your nerves. The male style of behavior takes strength and loosens the nervous system. You are threatened with premature old age, negative attitudes from men and loneliness.
Conclusion: it's better to be a great "actress" and use your personal charm. None of the men see him, but none can resist.
Opinion. It is easy to find a common language with men and make friends.
Delusion! Men assert themselves in work, but they are not very eager to make friends. They are also very afraid of emotions - an indispensable attribute of female friendship and conversations. There is an opinion among them that if a woman demonstrates emotions, then she is hysterical.
In conversations with men, exclude from conversations topics about cooking, about your children, do not analyze the personal life and behavior of employees, do not show interest in someone else's personal life, do not report your illnesses
Conclusion: show less violent emotions, learn to hide them and do not burden the interlocutor with your problems.
It's all for nothing, trust me. If the opponent sees your reaction like that, then you lost - this is the rule of the men's team. Moreover, this is not a reaction to you personally, but to you in your position. And do not hold a grudge in yourself for a long time, in the men's team this is not accepted. It also kills nerve cells and damages reputation.
Conclusion: answer the rude man calmly, without losing his temper, parry very quietly, pausing. It helps.
Opinion. Men are absolutely not adapted to life.
They are not like that, you should not think so. Don't become their mother or mistress of a big house. They will not refuse and will certainly take advantage of this.
Conclusion: take courage and direct your instincts in a different direction.
Opinion. Men are business people and will be grateful for your advice.
Never! Any advice that a woman gives men is perceived by them as criticism.
Conclusion: not to criticize, but to praise!
Opinion. It is difficult to get accustomed in the male team. Men consider a woman a second-class creature.
Wrong opinion. These men can be wonderful people and good work colleagues. If you follow the main rule: be a normal person, know the rules of the game in a male team and follow them, while remaining a woman.
Men don't like when a woman:
Laughs out loud and loud
Talking too much
Throws reproachful glances
He thinks for a long time before making a decision
Exposes his mistakes
He explains his failures in his career as male chauvinism.
Men like:
Healthy competitive spirit
Recognition of their genius
Ability to take risks
Self confidence
Initiative.
Where gossip, intrigue and envy kill any desire to work productively, forcing you only to keep your eyes open so as not to become a victim of another "showdown". But if you still feel equal with the representatives of your gender, then, once you are in a team where only men work, you start to think: “Will they take me seriously? What to talk about with them? And how to behave if one of them shows signs of attention? In general, there are a lot of questions, and you will learn the answers to them from our article.
“When I first entered the office, to put it mildly, I was confused. 10 pairs of male eyes were looking at me. And not a single woman. None! I immediately, of course, panicked - what am I doing here? I for them so - unicellular. And then, as luck would have it, she showed up in a tight-fitting skirt, and some not the most well-mannered colleagues began to hoot. At first, of course, it was not easy. To join the women's team, you need to find common topics for conversation. Cosmetics, for example, or Ryan Gosling - everyone loves him now. But what to talk about with men? About computer toys, in which I do not understand anything, or about cars (I am also a layman in them)? In general, the first couple of months I took root, and now, six months later, I have become “my own on the board”. No, I didn’t get stubble and I don’t spend evenings in a beer bar with colleagues, they just started to respect me. It turned out that I am a smart specialist, better than some men. Plus, I’m a woman, and therefore my “knights” protect me from “barbarians” from other departments - they protect me.
To join the women's team, you need to find common topics for conversation. But what to talk about with men?
This story was told to "Cleo" by one of the readers who managed to "survive" in the male team and win the respect of the stronger sex. However, not everyone achieves such success, because they make one mistake after another, creating the impression of a stupid blonde, batting her eyes in surprise when she is asked to complete this or that assignment.
If “one among men” is about you, then carefully read our tips, they will help you become a full member of the team, while remaining a woman.
Forget about flirting
Flirtatiousness is a sure way to highlight the fact that you and your colleague are of different genders, as well as hint that you would like to continue the relationship outside the office. If you want to become the object of gossip (and men are still gossip lovers), then feel free to start flirting with a pretty colleague. Otherwise, get the thought of flirting out of your head altogether. You came here to work, not to look for a husband (we will assume that this is so), so keep your colleagues at a distance, stopping any attempts to hit on you.
Be a business woman
Yes, first of all you are a representative of the fair sex. You are not alien to the desire to wear beautiful things and sometimes hide behind women's weaknesses, justifying this or that failure. But don't get carried away. If you constantly just giggle stupidly and answer questions about why the assignment given to you has not been completed, answer: “I just forgot. This happens to us, women, ”then you risk forever remaining in the eyes of your colleagues a dim-witted girl.
Remember: both at home and at work you are a woman, but the only difference is that when you cross the threshold of the office, you become a business woman.
Don't refuse help
In an attempt to prove that they are worth something, many women begin to pretend that they are more than independent. Even when something does not work out, these strong representatives of the weaker sex do not agree to the help of colleagues, and as a result, the common cause suffers. Don't make this mistake, be friends with men - help them and, in turn, agree to their offers of help if you really can't handle anything on your own.
Men are well aware that it is one thing to please colleagues and quite another to earn their respect.
Don't try to please
“Oh, guys, come on in, I baked a meat pie!” - Some women are sure that in this way they will be able to win the love of the representatives of the male team, but they are greatly mistaken. Even men whose way to their hearts lies through their stomachs understand perfectly well that it is one thing to please colleagues and quite another to earn their respect. So, for the representatives of the stronger sex, the second is much more important, and the first is just an excuse to eat your homemade cooking. Therefore, leave all attempts to please, just do your job efficiently and on time.
Wet eyes
We women don't have to cry when someone hurts us. At the beginning of work in a male team, most of the fairer sex feel offended, and therefore their eyes are often in a wet place. But control yourself. Men in general can not stand women's tears, because they do not know how to behave when they see them. What can we say if it is not the wife who is crying, but a work colleague? This annoys them and makes them think: “Can you trust her with something important? It will rip again." Therefore, do not cry in the workplace, as well as do not make public scandals. If you want to fight back, then do it in private.
A woman in a male team is rare, but this option is acceptable. What should be taken into account? What course of action to choose? How to dress, after all? These and many other questions are asked by every woman who has to work among men.
What you need to know a woman who got into the men's team
1. So, dear ladies, first of all and firmly understand: men appreciate professionals! If you skype gossip or play Happy Farm at work and fail your annual report the next day, they won't forgive you. So show yourself as a first-class specialist, master, pro, prove to everyone that you are an expert in your field of work.
And then the respect of men for your person is guaranteed.
2. The following, no less important rule that a woman must observe when she suddenly finds herself in a male environment: personal - beyond the threshold. Men are absolutely not interested in how many flowers your boyfriend gave you and how much you want to buy an apartment for. They separate work and communication. For them, a career is much more important than relationships with colleagues.
Therefore, do not be surprised at the cool relations between employees and do not tell them the details of your personal life, the characteristics of the course of the disease, and your feelings about the crying of a child in kindergarten.
3. Another point that a woman should take into account: men are rarely knights at work. And they treat women as equals. Therefore, you should not pout if the "boys" refused to help carry the folders.
4. Also know that men tend to provoke. Do not throw yourself at any colleague who smiles at you, wanting to drag him down the aisle. Men can just test you. Keep with the whole team evenly, equally kindly, do not allow yourself to flirt and coquetry.
You are not here to find your destiny even though it happens).
Let your feminine essence manifest in appearance ( we will talk about this in more detail later.) and important female qualities: intuitiveness, sensitivity, ability to listen, empathize.
Now oh appearance.
Dress code rules
Adhere to the dress code adopted by the company and the golden mean.
A short haircut, a cigarette in your mouth, baggy pants or an almost masculine suit is not the best option. As well as a mini skirt, knee-length neckline, a variety of rings and pendants or.
First of all, you are a specialist for men, and only then a woman. Therefore, in the men's team you can choose, with elements of men's clothing: shirts, ties.
Allow yourself a minimum of jewelry, tights or stockings, shoes with standard classic heels.
Behavior rules
1. Men believe that they are a priori smarter. Well, let's not dissuade them of this, and let's keep our smart, competent advice to ourselves. Let's not pay attention to the mistakes of men, thereby showing delicacy and respect for colleagues.
You are not a vest for tears, not a Google search engine and a personal psychologist!
2. If it so happened that men are subordinate to you, it remains for you to wish patience and resourcefulness. Show professionalism, flexibility, respect, ask for advice, make fair decisions, be consistent and soon the result will be noticeable.
3. Psychologists notice that the need for communication in women is higher than in men and the weaker sex needs to “pronounce” the daily vocabulary. Knowing about this feature, still try to talk to the point. Do not gossip, do not evaluate colleagues behind their backs. When talking on the phone, try to leave the office.
A woman in a purely masculine environment is deprived of the opportunity to just chat with her colleagues, but this is not a reason to turn employees into their girlfriends.
4. I would like to warn you against the desire to become "one's own" in a male company. This is the wrong way to begin with. The stronger sex will never recognize such equality. Therefore, adequately treat jokes and jokes about men and women, do not shift all the blame for your failed career on men. They are not obliged to yield to you and help just because you are a woman in a purely male team.
And finally: if you have to work in a male company, read books about the psychology of men. And you will understand that men do some things not out of natural harm, but only because they are so arranged. I wish you good luck, patience and wisdom!