How do you know if your wife is cheating? Research of modern psychologists, statistics

12.10.2019

In most cases, when a wife has cheated on her husband, she is constantly tormented by remorse until she confesses. After all, the behavior of a woman after infidelity changes dramatically, which is associated with her emotionality. But if a woman, after cheating on her husband for the first time, passionately wants to forget about everything and save the family, psychologists advise not to tell her husband about what happened. If a wife admits that she cheated on her husband, his pride will be extremely hurt, and no matter how much he wants to forgive, he will still endlessly reproach his beloved, without even realizing it. In the end, both spouses will get tired of such a relationship, and the marriage will be completely ruined. That is why betrayal must either be carefully hidden, or forgive yourself for this act and forget.

Free marriage

But there are times when the husband allows you to change. In this case, the family is built on the basis of free relationships, when the spouses love each other and are happy together, but they do not forbid getting new emotions on the side. If both spouses really agree with this position, then such a marriage will be quite strong. But it is worth remembering that situations are not excluded when a husband or wife will experience a real feeling for another partner. And this probability is quite high.

Unfinished relationships in the past

Often there are cases when a wife cheated on her husband with a former young man. A chance meeting with an ex-boyfriend, a heart-to-heart conversation in a cafe evokes memories and nostalgia for the past. Such a meeting can quickly lead to treason, because here it seems that the former is sitting, but such a dear person. Women are so impulsive and easily succumb to their emotions. This is the most regretted change. When a wife cheats on her husband with an ex-spouse or boyfriend, a real betrayal occurs, since these relationships are based not only on sex, but also on a mutual feeling of warmth, tenderness and affection.

Close friends

Why do women often cheat on their husband with his friend? The husband's best friend subsequently becomes just a family friend who communicates equally well with both spouses. A man is always sure that friendship is sacred, so a friend will never betray. “Yes, he doesn’t even look at his wife as a woman,” men often think. We should not forget that the relationship between a man and a woman is always based on mutual sympathy and attraction. There is no just friendship, someone still loves. A family friend can calm his wife in moments of major quarrels and despair, take pity on her, caress her. And she herself will not notice how she has already cheated on her husband with his friend.

Spontaneous betrayal

A woman can cheat on her husband quite by accident. The most fatal moments of quarrels are when the wife is vulnerable and requires a strong and reliable shoulder nearby. As a rule, in such situations, the wife cheats on her husband for the first time, and it can be a completely unfamiliar man whom she just met in a bar. Casual relationships include betrayal during a separate holiday. Holiday romance is just a classic of the genre of all adultery. If a woman cheated on her husband on vacation, then it is easier for her to hide this incident and forget about what happened herself. Rest always involves alcohol and relaxation, but if a woman meets an interesting man, then it is practically impossible to resist.

Systematic betrayals

If a woman often cheats on her husband, then most likely a new admirer has appeared in her life, who occupies a certain place in her soul and thoughts. Such stable meetings with another man help a woman to get the emotions of falling in love long forgotten in her marriage. It is important for a woman to be desired and liked by others, these feelings are the key to her eternal youth. When a woman cheats on her husband with a lover, there is a high probability that the husband finds out about this relationship. Indeed, in any case, sooner or later, the husband will begin to think that his wife is cheating, noticing her changing behavior, her bright face, her sparkling eyes.

I cheated on my husband, how to return?

When a woman has already cheated on her husband, it is too late to regret what she has done, you need to think about how to alleviate the situation and make it less painful for the spouse. You should give your husband time to cool down so that he can talk to you calmly. Only after that, a woman will be able to understand whether her husband still loves her and whether he can forgive. The first reaction of men to betrayal is a similar revenge, and the wife needs to be prepared for this.

A woman decides to cheat in order to get new sensations or feelings forgotten in marriage, but it is worth remembering how much you will have to go through after this fleeting weakness.

In modern society, male adultery is a fairly common phenomenon. At the same time, female infidelity is much less common. It has long been known for what reasons men decide to take this step. However, due to the low prevalence of this phenomenon among women, not everyone knows why wives cheat on their husbands. How family psychology treats adultery on the part of a woman? What precedes the moment when she decides on such an act? Can this be prevented, and what should be done in case of female infidelity?

Differences in the psychology of female and male cheating

In psychology, adultery means adultery when one of the spouses does not fulfill the obligations that are supposed to be observed by default when entering into a relationship with a partner. Husbands are much more prone to infidelity than wives. This is explained not only by their natural polygamy, but also by the fact that the representatives of the stronger sex have a completely different attitude towards intimacy on the side.

For women, sexual contact is based on emotional attachment; men perceive such relationships not only as a manifestation of feelings. For them, sex is primarily the satisfaction of their carnal desires. This explains the fact that after sexual intercourse, the representatives of the weaker sex have a need for tactile contact, spiritual conversations, while their partners, having satisfied their lust, wish for peace and quiet. Despite the fact that the reasons for the betrayal of a wife and husband are largely similar, in most cases, men are much easier to decide on such a step than women.

If a married woman cheated on her husband, then she had good reason. As a rule, this event does not occur spontaneously. The unfaithful wife in this case must have feelings for a potential sexual partner. According to psychologists, women who are not happy in marriage are more likely to decide to cheat. Men change even in those cases when complete mutual understanding reigns in their family.

The tendency of the stronger sex to adultery is also associated with their nature of the hunter. They have an ineradicable need to win prey, to win, to assert themselves in the love field. Since the topic of winning a spouse has lost its relevance, they are trying to realize their natural desires on the side. The feminine essence is based on a creative mission. Women tend to create comfort, protect the hearth. They rarely perform actions that can disrupt their usual way of life.

Why do wives cheat on their husbands?

Why do wives cheat when they are officially married? Different women have their own reasons for such an act, and in each case it is necessary to analyze for what reason the wife cheated on her husband. Among the reasons for the infidelity of wives to their husbands are:

Lack of attention from the husband. Over time, passions inevitably decrease in many families, life becomes routine, devoid of any bright events and outbursts of emotions that are characteristic of the initial stage of relationships, when feelings are still fresh. Against this background, many men become indifferent to their spouses, lose the need for spiritual conversations and spending time together. A woman, not receiving attention and care from her husband, may sooner or later start looking for them on the side.
Sexual dissatisfaction. Despite the fact that many married women are unsatisfied in the marital bed due to incompatibility of temperaments, the presence of intimate problems in the husband, or for some other reason, they do not always decide to cheat for this reason. As a rule, those wives who have an emotional attachment on the side are cheating on their husbands. In order to decide on adultery, the spouse must fade away feelings for the official partner, which is why most of the fairer sex commit such an act only after the family no longer has such important components as passion, intimacy and commitment. For this reason, most often change women who are at the peak of sexuality, that is, at the age of 30-40 years. More mature ladies rarely decide on adultery because of the dissatisfaction of their sexual needs.
Revenge. Having cheated on her husband for a rude and neglectful attitude, moral and physical humiliation, adultery, some wives feel moral satisfaction through revenge.
Disappointment. A young wife, having become accustomed to a special attitude towards her from her husband during the pre-wedding period, may be disappointed to find that family life is not at all as bright and full of events as she imagined it to be. Due to inexperience and due to the impulsiveness of the decisions made, some newly-made wives in such situations decide on adultery.
The craving for new sensations. For women, especially those who married early, there may come a time when they want to experience sexual satisfaction with another man. If, in addition to this, there are other more serious problems in the family, it is likely that she will realize her plan.

Why else do women decide on adultery? Sometimes this happens unintentionally, for example, while intoxicated. Indulging in sexual pleasures with another man in this form, a woman may not even remember this case in the morning, which is why the husbands of drinking wives are often unaware of the facts of their spouse's infidelity. Ladies with low moral qualities are also prone to such actions, not seeing anything reprehensible in them.

What to do if your wife cheated?

There are 2 options for the further development of events after female infidelity: forgive the unfaithful spouse or end the relationship. How to act in this situation, it is up to the man to decide. At the same time, his decision depends on the relationship with his wife and the degree of emotional attachment of the spouses. In any case, initially you need to talk, find out why the wife decided to take such a step. If the emotions are too strong, it takes time for the psycho-emotional state to normalize. Psychologists recommend making a decision only on a "cold" head.

If a man has found the strength to forgive an unfaithful wife, he should not subsequently reproach her with this act and ever return to this topic. He must also understand that marital relationships will have to be built anew, taking into account the mistakes made earlier.

If there are no feelings between the spouses, they live with each other out of habit, or a man, due to wounded pride and for some other reason, cannot survive the offense, parting will be the best way out of this situation. At the same time, it is necessary to try to maintain good relations, especially if there are children in the marriage.

Can adultery be prevented?

In order to prevent adultery on the part of a woman, it is necessary:

spend as much time with her as possible;
compliment regularly, making sure to mention her new outfit or hairstyle;
add variety to your sex life;
openly discuss emerging problems of an intimate nature;
do not allow yourself the moral and physical humiliation of your spouse;
do not provoke the jealousy of his wife and do not be jealous of her;
constantly struggle with the routine, making unexpected surprises for the woman you love, periodically inviting her to a restaurant and giving flowers.

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Cheating on your own husband is the most common reason why our conscientious women turn to psychologists. In one case, betrayal is a one-time misunderstanding, in the other, a love triangle (there are many options for the development of events), but regardless of the situation, the woman is faced with the question - what to do next?

Is it worth it to fall at your spouse's feet and beg for forgiveness, or in the name of the family to pretend that nothing happened? What do psychologists say about this topic?

The main reasons for women's betrayal of her husband - are you familiar with them?

Men have a surprisingly simple attitude towards cheating - " not caught - did not change ". And talking about cheating on his wife is practically bad manners. Well, if only as a last resort, when the holes in the family boat cannot be hidden, and there is a desire to annoy the “shameless” friend of life, who is not able to appreciate either the stars or the whole world thrown at her feet.

But what about the weak half of humanity? A rare woman treats infidelity "like a man" - that is, as a normal phenomenon and under the motto "a good leftist strengthens marriage." Usually, women cheat for certain reasons and after hard experience cheating - with remorse, emotional throwing and vows "more - for nothing!".

Why and in what cases does a wife cheat on her husband?

The wife is the head of the family
This situation is not uncommon these days. And it is with such a role in the family that a woman's chances of adultery greatly increase. In this case, there is a change in the places of the "terms", and the wife, changing the traditional worldview, decides that the right to the forbidden fruit belongs to her in fact - "I'm in charge here, and all dissatisfied dependents can go to my mother."
Physical dissatisfaction within your bed
If the sexual relations of the spouses are a “five-minute race” in honor of March 8 (or even more often, but mechanically, for show, under an interesting series or football), then the natural course of events is an involuntary search for someone who can drown out this “hunger”. As a rule, relations with this “someone” become one-time (although, sometimes, they develop into a long-playing romance), and the family collapses.
Adultery at work
And there are options. One is daringly pursued by a colleague, shamelessly wrapping her in a trail of mind-blowing perfume, “accidentally” touching her hand and winking invitingly towards the cafeteria. Sooner or later (if there are prerequisites in the form of problems in the family), the “defense” of the woman falls, and a new client for the anonymous circle “Hello, my name is Alla, I cheated on my husband” is ready. Another option is corporations. Under the influence of alcohol and rushing to the will of emotions, women do a lot of stupid things.
Vacation - walk, so walk!
In some families, oddly enough, it is customary to rest separately. Perhaps to take a break from each other and have time to miss your half. And sometimes it just doesn’t work out to go on vacation together - work keeps. As a result, the wife goes with her girlfriend and ... The sea, a warm evening, a glass of wine, hot tanned lads from another country - and the program "I'm married!" in the head goes into sleep mode.
Extreme
This option can be attributed to dissatisfaction in bed with her husband, but here everything is a little more complicated. Just stability "in bed" is not everything. There are also ladies who are simply bored without “pepper” and experiments. Extreme, exciting from head to toe, is casual sex, sex with the boss in the office, with a colleague on the desktop, with a friend in the toilet of the restaurant, etc. Of course, not all options at once (this is already a very difficult case), but one of them. And repentance with pangs of conscience usually does not happen after such a marathon. If the spouse is able to satisfy all the extreme desires of his half, then the need for treason for her simply disappears.
"Heredity"
There are many exceptions to this rule. But still, it is a proven fact that a girl, in whose eyes her mother regularly changed fans, begins to believe that such behavior is the norm. And going on a spree from your husband (if you really wanted to, the cards lay down and the night is so marvelous) - it's not scary. He still doesn't know anything.
Age
Again, the rule with an exception (one size fits all revenge is impossible). But young wives are still too unstable in what they generally want from life. And a divorce in the case of a small affair usually does not scare them - “well, okay, there are people like you behind me.” Adult women are more stable in relationships. They already know that one of the pillars on which the family rests is trust. And the percentage of adultery in adult women is extremely low. Moreover, the “queue of fans” is getting shorter and shorter every year.
long separation
The husband is in the army, on a business trip, the spouse is a sailor or a truck driver, etc. A woman tired of loneliness (but, of course, faithful) suddenly meets a man who “understands” her and is ready to substitute his strong “friendly” shoulder. A strong shoulder quickly transforms into a hot embrace, into which a woman falls without even thinking. Because I've already forgotten what it's like. Of course, in the morning it will be ashamed. And before the arrival of the spouse, the woman will have time to exhaust herself with remorse so much that she either immediately admits, or by that time she will understand that there is nothing to talk about, in principle. Because "all the same, the husband is the best."
Bad example
Some women get together to cross-stitch. Others discuss global problems and "how to get a child to do homework." The third of the meetings arrange a competition - who has a "brand" handbag, more expensive boots, darker tan and more lovers. There are others, of course, but the third option is the most "senseless and merciless." "Having a lover" for some girls is almost a matter of prestige. Like a nice car or a $2,000 dog. And young girls who have fallen under the influence of such ladies also begin to think that it’s normal to go on a spree from a fool-husband (their “purse with legs”).
Revenge and resentment
powerful factor. This is the most common reason for cheating. "An eye for an eye", treason for treason. Naturally, it is not necessary to talk about the preservation of the family in such a situation. Although it happens that such a mutual shake-up becomes for both spouses the beginning of a new stable life.
Husband's inattention
Every family has a moment of fatigue from each other, or a "moment of crisis". And it depends on both whether they survive this period without shocks or disperse, tired of throwing firewood into the family hearth. As a rule, the scenario is the same: the husband no longer says affectionate words, does not make surprises, does not kiss when leaving at work, he has to be taken by storm in bed, etc. Tired of futile attempts to change the situation, the woman begins to look around. Read also:

Instructions for an unfaithful wife - what to do after cheating on her husband?

For most women own betrayal is a serious test , which is quite difficult to get out of without losing "face".

What to do if the “terrible” did happen - what do experts advise?

To confess or not to confess? Before making a choice, ask yourself: do you love your husband? Do you want to continue sailing with him in the same family boat to a happy old age? What is the reason for the betrayal? Will you be able to live as before, given the fact of treason? And how can the situation develop after your confession?
If you love your husband, if everything in him suits you, and betrayal is a random episode (under the influence of alcohol, emotions, resentment, etc.), which you do not intend to repeat and which no one will ever know about (this is the main thing), then her husband shouldn't admit it. Because recognition, as a rule, is followed by divorce. Awareness of your guilt, of course, will haunt and torment you, but you have the opportunity to atone for your guilt with an all-consuming love for your spouse and save your family.
If there is at least 0.001% that the truth will come out if you were almost caught red-handed, even if a psychologist did not help you get rid of remorse, and confession bursts out of you as soon as you look into your husband's eyes - confess. It is possible that your husband will understand and forgive you. Sometimes betrayal even becomes an excellent occasion - to finally discuss the problems that have accumulated in the family and eliminate all misunderstandings between the spouses. Just do not tell your husband all the intimate details. And convince him that everything happened due to circumstances that did not depend on you (alcohol, eclipse, revenge for that blonde, etc.). And do not forget to add that you understand your stupidity, do not want a divorce, and in general "there is no one better than you."
Understand the reasons that pushed you to treason. Maybe it's time to change something in family life? Or is it time for a serious conversation with your husband? Or do you yourself demand more from your spouse than he can give you? Or maybe love just doesn't live in your house anymore? Your decision to be or not to be depends on the clarity of understanding the cause. That is, is it worth forgetting about adultery and returning to her husband's native hands, or is it time to tell him the truth and start a new life without him?

What if your conscience deprives you of sleep, and you feel that if you do not throw this stone from your soul, then it will be easier to drown yourself with it? How to calm your conscience and erase adultery from memory , if you catastrophically do not want to confess to your husband in treason and are afraid of losing him?

Work on mistakes
Take a break from self-eating and analyze your life. If in good company you start dancing on the table with a glass or two and you are drawn to feats, then categorically avoid such companies and alcohol in general. If you lack variety in bed, tell your husband "all the secrets of pleasure after 10 years of marriage." He probably won't mind. If you have all the chic guys at work, and everyone’s eyes are drowning the centuries-old ice, then it’s time to look for another job. Etc.
Remember: time heals
Of course, the sediment will remain, but there is no “delete” button in our memory, so relax, stop sprinkling ashes on your head, accept betrayal as a fait accompli and live on. Still nothing to change. If it gets really bad, go to the priest for confession and do everything so that in the future you don’t even have a desire to change.
Occupy Your Head with More Helpful Thoughts
Find a hobby that helps you disengage from this "embarrassing moment."
Try to ignore anything that might remind you of cheating.
Do not go to the cafe where you sat with the "adult", do not walk those streets and delete all data about him from your phone, address book and computer.
Dedicate yourself to your husband and family
Return often to the time when you first met your spouse (especially return to him when thoughts of that random man come up). Cherish the feeling of love for your husband.
If you feel that you are simply torn apart by guilt, do not dump the truth on your husband.
Take it to someone who will listen to you, understand and bury your secret in a cup of coffee (friend, girlfriend, parents - a close person). Relief is guaranteed to you.

Well, a little about "prevention". As soon as you get on the "slippery path" of the traitor, as soon as the sparks of the future fire of random passion flare up inside you - immediately think about whether you are ready to sacrifice family happiness, the psyche of children and the trust of your husband for an hour (night) of pleasure.

What do you think about female infidelity? We will be grateful for your opinion!

I want to tell you how I cheated on my husband, why I did it and what eventually came out of this story. I have been married for 5 years and have a child. I love my husband, he is a great father and husband. Before him, I had relationships with two other men, but nothing worked out with them for various reasons. But right now, his attitude has somehow changed, some kind of aggression towards me, probably even angry.

We have a problem: he does not suit me in bed, but I really love this business and want to do it. He knows what does not suit me, knows that I do not feel much pleasure with him. How to live with it? None of the options help.

Dirty thoughts often began to appear in me, and there is also a fan with whom we communicate on the network (not even one, but two fans, it's just that the second site is not so active and writes rarely). He knows about our problem, wants me for a long time and offers help. But I'm afraid I can't decide to cheat on my husband. It seems that I will betray him (husband) by this act, but, on the other hand, I want to understand if I can even experience orgasms.

Friends came to visit us that week, we have been friends for a long time. It so happened that everyone went to bed, we sat, chatted with a friend and husband, my husband spoke badly about me, scolded me. I don’t know how it turned out that our legs were touching with his friend, everything that my husband said was unpleasant to me, for some reason I began to touch my friend’s leg more and more often ... We sat, talked, secretly stroked each other’s feet, and nearby the husband sat and did not notice anything. When he went to the toilet, his friend put my hand on his jeans - he was very ready. We were both shocked by what happened. I periodically went to the toilet, then to the bathroom to cool down.

The husband went to bed. We sat, looked at each other's site and were shocked by all this. Then there was a kiss, then there was petting. Both of us did not want to go to sleep, we wanted to continue, terrible interest and fear. Doing something at home when his wife and my husband are sleeping next to me is scary. Maybe he should have gone to bed, but I saw that he just didn’t want to sleep.

We went outside, found an entrance - passion, kisses, I was shaking all over, contact began - and he immediately finished. I had a terrible disappointment, he was in a hurry to go home so that no one would suspect anything, he was afraid that it might come out, that I would let someone know.

Only a residue remained in my soul: for so long I could not decide on treason, and when it happened, it greatly disappointed me. On the one hand, there is a logical explanation: a terrible overexcitation and therefore everything happened so quickly for him on our first time. But now I can’t think of anything else - I want to finish what I started, but that’s it. And at the same time having sex with two men is somehow unusual ...

They left, the next morning I behaved as if nothing had happened. There was no shame in front of my husband - he himself provoked me with his offensive words, it was uncomfortable in front of his girlfriend, wife of a friend. But she herself told so much how passionate he is and how he constantly wants sex and he threatens her that he will have a mistress. I did not expect such fear from him, such indecision that he, as a man, did not bring the matter to the end with me, realizing that I was left unsatisfied (in theory, he should be ashamed, knowing that with her husband this is exactly what problem).

Many families live ordinary lives, pay off loans, take care of their families and try to raise children. In such a situation, many wives have long been housewives and are frankly bored. Other wives begin, after giving birth, to put themselves in order and get a job.

At this point in marriage, there are many temptations for wives. A colleague flirts at work, a man smiled in transport, unfamiliar men get to know each other on the street, the boss pesters at a corporate party or an ex has appeared. The wife's feelings for her husband are already at a minimum. It has long been a crisis in relations, but here new "options" appear.

A lot of admirers appear around a married woman who pay special attention: they give flowers, compliments, admire, declare their love and seduce. The most interesting thing is that they do not care that she has been married for a long time and even has children.

A married woman spreads her wings, begins to consider herself a sexy queen who deserves more. The wife begins to think that her husband is not a match for her, because such “quality” men are courting her. Many women begin to cheat secretly.

Having received faith in their sexuality and relevance from fans, such wives begin not only to cheat, but also to divorce their husbands. They believe that once they are free, rich men will line up at their doorstep with flowers and gifts. A woman will choose from hundreds of fans, but it was not there.

Married woman gets divorced and faces reality

Many cheating wives have a bitter discovery. Men needed other people's wives only because they were married.

With a married woman, it is easier for men whose stigma is in the cannon themselves. A married woman will not pull you down the aisle, will hide a love affair and will not tell your wife about the betrayal. A married woman will raise the confidence and ego of men with complexes that he was able to fuck someone else's wife. But as soon as a woman gets divorced, the crowd of admirers quickly disappears. Even more likely to run away in panic. There are only a couple of men who want one-time sex without obligations with a divorcee.

Almost all wives are needed by their lovers only when they are married. And ordinary divorcees are a dime a dozen. Few people need them, except for sex.

A friend of mine, every weekend, shoots divorcees in a tavern. He arrives at the club late at night and takes the divorcee home with him. But he doesn't fuck them more than once. What he just doesn't do with them. And there is absolutely no reason not to believe him.

Some divorcees try to get back together with their husbands. But men who have known freedom rarely return to their old wife. Divorced men prefer to have sex with new women who have appeared, after a divorce, in abundance.

So many wives destroy marriages, because of the illusion of being in demand among men. Everything turns out even worse than with Alexander Pushkin in The Tale of the Fisherman and the Fish. When the old woman is left with nothing, but even without the old man ...