Humorous stories about women on March 8
Husband calls his wife
- Honey, tomorrow is March 8th, we have a short working day, so I will be late ...
A woman on the eighth of March invited a man to her place.
Prepared, laid the table. After the man drank and ate everything, she clung to him:
- And now you're mine.
- Nu fi, my itself!
On March 8, the bell rings at the professor's house. He picks up the phone, and from there the students say:
- Comrade professor, since March 8 you!
Professor in disbelief:
– What is that? What am I, a woman, or what?
- Well, I don’t know if you are a woman or not, but the bitch is still that ...
What kind of women do you like - smart or beautiful?
- Neither one nor the other. I need only you!
As the twenty-third of February kicks in, so does the eight-mart.
Recipe for lovers.
To make the kiss sweet and hot, take your beloved girl, put 2 pieces of sugar in her mouth, pour boiling water over it and stir thoroughly with a teaspoon.
- Why are you so upset? Well, my husband drank on March 8, so he gave you perfume as well ...
- You didn’t understand anything: my husband drank the perfume that he gave me on March 8th.
“Sasha was here”, “Kolya was here”, “Slava was here” ... The usual, it seems, inscriptions ...
Why am I stressing, why??? Is it strange ink, or handwriting ... Or because I read them in my closet?
The husband decided to surprise his wife on March 8:
– Honey, I baked this soup myself.
The husband returns home, rings the doorbell. Wife to lover
- Crap! Husband stuck...
She opens the door and gives her husband a bucket of garbage:
- Oh, honey, I'm so tired today, so tired, take out the trash, please!
Meanwhile, the lover is gone and thinks: "What a smart mistress I have." He comes home, and his wife:
- Oh, dear hubby, I'm so tired today, take out the trash!
He goes into the yard and thinks: “That’s a fool, she’s at home all day, but she can’t take out the garbage”
Husband and wife wake up on the morning of March 8th.
Wife stretching sweetly:
Oh, what a wonderful dream I had! As if you gave me a diamond necklace on March 8th! What would that mean?
"Wait, you'll find out tonight!"
In the evening, the wife came running from work, she sees a beautiful box tied with a bow. She opens it and sees the book "The Interpreter of Dreams".
“Darling, why are you suspicious of me!”
- Yes, you can't do it any other way.
- Can. It's just not necessary to see my lover in every man sitting in the closet.
Three friends, having visited various sanatoriums in the summer, when they meet, tell each other how they had a rest. One of them says:
- A doctor of sciences met me. He made inquiries about me for 23 days, and on the 24th day he declared his love.
- And with me, - says another, - the candidate of sciences met. On the very first day he declared his love, and for the remaining 23 days he asked not to tell anyone about it.
“Yeah, you’re out of luck, girlfriends,” said the third. – From the very first day, a plumber met me. We spent all 23 days with him in love pleasures, and on the 24th day he looked out the window and exclaimed:
- That's the thing, but there is the sea!
- Expensive!!! What to give you on March 8?
"Oh, I don't even know...
"Then I'll give you one more year to think about it."
The long-awaited spring holiday is coming - March 8, which brings each of us a truly spring mood. All women are especially looking forward to this holiday, because men on this day are in a hurry to beautifully congratulate lovely ladies on March 8th. The best gift on Women's Day will be not only flowers, but also beautiful congratulations in verse, or funny congratulations with humor.
You can send a cool greeting from March 8 directly to your phone - for example, a call with congratulations in the voice of Vladimir Putin:
Or you can choose one of the ready-made congratulations below and send it to your phone or social media. networks.We offer you the best funny congratulations on March 8 in verse. Congratulate your beloved women and girlfriends with humor and they will surely appreciate it. 
Fair sex!
Oh, you are by no means weak!
A little bit - foot on the floor -
There you are, ladies!
And yet we appreciate you
So let's take a breath
And we congratulate you on the female
International Day!
The eighth of March has come
You have to congratulate.
Wish something like this
What no one could wish for.
Let out the champagne bottle
A beautiful gin will appear
Fulfills all your whims
And move into a jug.
So that every day your dreams
He performed (and plus mine).
But most importantly, about this gin,
You don't tell anyone!
With all my heart I want to congratulate
Happy International Women's Day!
Have some more fun
Gentle joke, but with fire!
I wish you in the flower sea
Can't find your bed.
With a loved one soon
You will crush the flowers until the morning!
And let the soul from pleasures
Screaming like a skinny cat in March!
I want new sensations
- March 8th, all year round!.
Cases are abandoned, sleep is bad at night,
In the soul of a man, uniform bedlam is going on,
And in it either a poet or a brave knight frolics ...
As they say, here already - cherche la femme.
Happy International Women's Day, darlings!
Tender natures, filled with dreams,
Let goosebumps run from our passionate feelings
On slender legs and to the ends of the hair,
All dreams and plans come true
From happiness be, our young ladies, drunk!
And may for you, beautiful, affectionate, desired,
This spring day will be the threshold of a fairy tale! I look at the calendar in the morning
Blushing, what is it?
It's already March, not February,
Yes, number eight...
BUT! It's time to congratulate women!
Well, relatives, all Hurray! Today is a holiday for girls
We need to give them gifts.
To whom are flowers, to whom are earrings,
Someone coat and boots.
Here is this prince, and this macho,
And a house outside the city to boot.
So that she could do what she wanted,
And my head doesn't hurt.
To be younger every year.
And silky to the skin.
To be understood and loved
And they always wore it on their hands.
Spring is always in the soul, and so
March 8 all year round!
On the eighth of March, I wish you
Nice car in the garage
I respect you very much my friend
I only want to drive a Porsche.
So that in the wallet green bills
Pleasantly rustled every moment,
To Serezha, Sasha, Kolya, Yura
Fell in love immediately with your beautiful face!
On this beautiful day I wish
To carry you in your arms.
To be ironed, washed, cleaned,
And all this every day, just like that.
Women's happiness is sometimes so unreliable,
But you may be very lucky
So that March 8 in your life
Celebrated all year round.
There are girls in Russian villages
They are affectionately called bunnies
They love green "cabbage"
They save themselves for fur coats!
Today bunnies and kitties
We are not too lazy to congratulate
We will fulfill your every whim
On a beautiful and feminine day!
Hairpins, bright lipstick,
Languid, with a veiled look,
Chanel top and Prado bag
A long line of cavaliers.
You flutter like a butterfly
Smiling all around.
On a holiday you overshadow again
The beauty of all friends!
To the world with a confident gait,
You walk proud!
And you don't care
International days!
I wish March 8
Everything was very good:
To have a table, food, gifts,
For a sober husband to come home.
And to prepare everything myself,
And finally took out the trash
I bought a bouquet and arranged everything,
And he was in bed well done!
To not watch football stubbornly
And no more beer asked,
To run the household, rule the house
And he carried you in his arms! Congratulations on Women's Day,
So that everything in life goes the way,
So that relatives do not get sick,
For everyone to want you!
Your life to be sweet
So that everything goes smoothly in business,
Happiness, joy and luck,
Congratulations on March 8!
On this day, all men
For excitement - a hundred reasons.
Is that sort of perfume donated?
Is the tea well brewed?
How long do soups take to cook?
How much cereal to put in porridge?
How should dishes be washed?
What else can be useful?
Even children know this:
There is a beautiful day in the world
Red - according to the calendar,
I give it to you!
On this day - March 8 -
You accept my gifts:
Round dance of spring dreams
Lots of sun and flowers!
Be loved, be beautiful!
Like a dream, simple and clear
And please your eyes with a smile
Many, many days in a row!
How little a woman needs to be happy:
Bills a pleasant rustle in the wallet,
About five men, sighing with passion,
And a scarlet sail, somewhere in the distance ...
On a March day, when spring, playing,
Raises feelings above the clouds,
I wish you this little
And to her still - mutual love!
I didn't have time to wash
I didn't have time to shave!
Didn't have time to get dressed!
Finish a bunch of different things!
Didn't buy a gift
To the feast on time to arrive!
Accept what I am
I will drink, I will eat.
I'm really sorry -
I... didn't buy a present.
I was in such a hurry, I flew so
What… didn't even make it.
Let me just hug you
And kiss heartily.
I would like to compare you with a lush rose -
But a rose is nothing before your beauty.
I would like to compare you with a gentle mimosa,
But it seems to be an empty idea.
On Women's Day, let the stars fall from the sky,
They will cover the roofs of houses with snowdrifts,
And I'm under the rubble of starry snow
Ready to sing songs to you all day long!
I ran to the shops for a week:
Roche, Lancome and Letual.
Spent half a day painting
He scratched the back of his head on a crystal.
Looked manicure set
With a strange name "Solinger",
The scarf looked openwork ...
Not that… Not that… Not that at all!
Then I thought about pantyhose
And, without deciding on them,
Bought her three bottles of vodka!
Let there be a holiday for two!
We congratulate you today
We sincerely wish you:
Happy days and gentle caresses,
And a cute prince from a fairy tale,
A difficult victory in the struggle -
Let everything be yours!
The map lays down differently -
Sometimes it doesn't work.
And only on the day of March 8,
Any lady beats an ace.
And the kings in a humble pose
They are on the edge of the table.
March 8 - lady trump card!
Whatever suit!
Funny congratulations on March 8 in short verses
Thank you for your kindness
For your friendship, devotion and even
For an extra non-working day in a year
Thank you, you are our magicians!
March 8! Ladies enjoy!
We give you kisses, fireworks!
Relax today, relax
Dirty plates will wait until tomorrow!
Secretly, so that no one knows
I chose a gift for you.
My wife had to, of course, too.
But you after all - more expensive!
Dear, hello, hello!
I'm incredibly lucky
What got through, got through
And that I met you.
March 8. Wait, I'm healing!
All my life I want to love you!
Happy spring day, not frosty,
Happy day cheerful and mimosaic,
Happy cloudless and snowy day
Happy excited and tender day,
Happy spacious and surprising day
Our glorious women's day!
Happy 8th March, congratulations
I wish you to be healthy
graceful and beautiful,
Smart, kind and stubborn.
So that the entire peasant regiment
Was always at your feet!
It is a holiday today!
Women's Day!
All men with flowers.
And I'm too lazy to get up from the couch.
And waste money in scrap.
Burnt chicken in the oven
Milk runs through the kitchen.
With one awkward movement
Everything falls straight to the floor.
The children went for a walk without asking,
Tea was made for the dog.
Native most in the world!
You accept congratulations!
All today for beautiful ladies!
Flowers, trips to Amsterdam,
Love, gifts, congratulations,
And all the treats at the table!
We all tried our best
With love! Your men!
I wish you the eighth of March -
Live easily, like a butterfly fluttering.
Let the husband purr pretty, like a cat,
And by the summer your tummy will be flat!
To make a woman shine
Never be discouraged
And lived so that without annoyance,
Need sex and chocolate.
And she, like a dope,
Need quality shopping.
Congratulations on March 8!
I wish all this!
Luxurious life and men's hugs,
Hot nights and champagne on ice
Triumphs of bright, elegant dresses -
March 8th and other days of the year!
Short congratulations on March 8 in verse with humor
Congratulations on Women's Day!
We wish you happiness, joy
Beauty, kindness, success
And more laughter, laughter!
I wish you girls
Live beautifully and richly.
Let your husbands give you affection
They love like princesses from a fairy tale.
Sadness, sadness, burn with fire!
Congratulations on Women's Day!
Wonderful on this day
Let's sing songs to you!
And forget about diets
Eat cakes, sweets,
You are always beauties
We will like you! On March 8, dear friend,
I wish you grooms tub!
Let them sit in silence, quietly wait,
Then choose the one you like best!
We were and are beautiful.
But our charm is not in the bends of bodies.
Let those cry who we did not get,
And everyone who did not want to die will die.
Let the day of March 8 give
Luck sea, happiness cart.
More smiles, joy, excitement
And millions of scarlet roses.
I wish you health, a cheerful walk,
More gifts and fashionable clothes,
Eternal youth in a hot heart
And I want a cool guy to boot!
You are a cook, and a designer, and a housewife,
Mom, woman, wife, sometimes a lazy person.
You deserve roses and applause
And today, on Women's Day, only compliments!
How fervent horseshoes knock!
How good eyes and lips!
Angels and pretty devils
I congratulate you all from the bottom of my heart! The roof is going down,
We are celebrating Women's Day.
And I'm any of the pretty ladies
Ready to lay down the whole world at your feet!
What a blessing that I'm just a woman
(About a woman with irony and not only)
Vedas. one.
One day a man asked God
Create for him the object of his love
God responded by finding out the reasons
And created a woman of flesh and blood
Added a little moonlight
And lit up with sunshine
And he embodied the harmony of chamois in the camp.
Vedas. 2.
The creator is so carried away over creation
What gave that woman a tear
He instilled in her a moment of lightning
And he mixed the lightness of fluff with a thunderstorm
I endowed magpies with talkativeness
And as a result, passionate creation
God made for man
Vedas. one.
God breathed life into a beautiful creature
He gave his order to the beggar
“Take it and suffer,” he said at parting
"Love and cherish like God's voice"
Since then, a man is a prisoner and a keeper
Of the fine mixture given to him
He is a husband, mentor, critic and connoisseur
And all questions - to God himself ...
Vedas. 2. A woman is a mysterious and completely misunderstood creature. Great people, writers, poets, psychologists, and just ordinary people for many centuries of human existence have written many ironic poems and parables concerning women, family and love.
Vedas. one.
You can take something seriously, and smile at something. What are we going to do today! Since ancient times, people have distinguished five elements: fire, air, water, earth and woman.
OH MY GOD, I JUST GO!
On the street I'll swim like a white swan,
A smile to the right, a languid look to the left.
All women are like women, and I am the Queen!
Vedas. 2. And even though I'm not at all a model growth,
Character is sometimes not for the faint of heart,
But still I have so much chic and gloss!
All women are like women, and I am Super Woman!
And let all the problems go to hell,
And let the former do hara-kiri!
And I decided so: now and henceforth
All women are like women, but I am a Goddess!
Vedas. one. The strength of a woman is that she cannot be explained with the help of psychology. Women in all ages have fascinated, conquered and surprised men both with their appearance and their behavior. Today, so many words have been said about the most beautiful half of humanity - both laudatory and ironic - that if you put them together in one big book, you get an immense edition. A woman even has an amazing characteristic, her properties and qualities. So, let's begin.
Vedas. 2.
NAME: Woman
SYMBOL: Fm
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: 60 kg; isotopes from 40 to 250 kg are also found.
PREVALENCE: Very common
Vedas. one.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: Melts on exposure. Spontaneously boils and cools without external reasons. The expansion coefficient increases over the years. Wrinkles when squeezed in certain places.
Vedas. 2.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: It interacts very well with noble metals - gold, silver, platinum. Absorbs expensive substances in large quantities. May explode unexpectedly. Quickly saturated with ethyl alcohol. Activity varies depending on the time of day.
APPLICATIONS: Widely used for decorative purposes, especially in sports cars. It is a very effective cleaner and cleanser. Helps to relax and relieve stress.
Vedas. one.
QUALITATIVE REACTION: Turns green when another higher quality sample is nearby.
PRECAUTIONS: If in inexperienced hands, it is a serious hazard. It is forbidden to have more than one sample. However, you can have more samples, but keep them separate from each other, so that they do not interact with each other.
Vedas. 2.
Gone are the days of knights. They have sunk into oblivion. Today, if we want to be happy, we must rely only on ourselves, on our mind and energy, on our charm and on our ingenuity.
They stood at the picture:
Savrasov. "The Rooks Have Arrived".
It was simple, native.
Didn't want to leave.
We accidentally talked
Because there was a reason.
- Savrasov. "The Rooks Have Arrived" -
This is a good picture.
Vedas. one.
The man was poorly dressed.
You see, lonely. From drinkers.
She is from not painfully beautiful
And not waiting for personal happiness.
He walked her home.
It was frosty outside.
She would invite him
But the room is chaos and late.
Vedas. 2.
He invited himself to visit her.
Tuesday for a cup of tea.
We have common tastes
In pictures, I see.
For two days she scrubbed, rubbed
Your corner for a modest feast.
Went with the last money
I bought a purple cake.
Vedas. one.
In the evening left to get dressed,
And also hang a postcard -
"The Rooks Have Arrived". Got dressed.
Seven eight. And nine. And ten.
Seven, eight, and nine, and ten.
She peered through the curtain.
She cried. And admired
Brown rose on the cake.
She did not feel sorry for herself.
And about the failed dinner
I thought: "Poor little cake,
After all, no one needs you.
Probably forgot. Or busy...
A well-known case is a man ... "
And yet "The Rooks Have Arrived"
Very good picture.
Vedas. 2.
They say that a man in his life should love three women - the one that gave birth to him, the one that gave birth to him, and the one that was born to him ... It is happiness to be a woman and give the best thing in this world - life!
Vedas. one. One parable speaks very eloquently about the role that a woman plays in the fate of a man.
There were 3 sisters. One was lazy. The second is evil. And the third one is smart, and beautiful, and a needlewoman, it's a pleasure to watch. One morning a cart stopped at their gate. The sisters went out to see who had arrived. On the cart sat an elderly and unfamiliar woman.
Who are you, they asked.
I am Destiny. It's time for you to get married.
Vedas. 2. Fate put them on a cart and took them to marry. They went to the first village. They see a guy plowing in the field and in his hands any business is arguing.
- This one, yours, - says the Fate of the first of the sisters.
- This one, yours, - says the Fate of the second of the sisters.
Vedas. one.
Fate stopped the cart and says:
This one is yours.
Why do I need THIS?!!! I'm kind and good and a needlewoman. And you give me such a groom! Look what sisters I found, that there is no other for me?!!!
Vedas. 2.
Mental, feminine secret,
Alas, no one understands!
When, suddenly, they hear by chance:
She whispers to herself: “Stop!”
Vedas. one. That's how it stands, smiling,
Keeping an independent look.
Tormented by mental doubt
And hiding from everyone "what hurts"
They think: “What does she need?
With her everything - neither give nor take!
Fate seems to be obedient to her,
Not life, but only grace!”
But only God knows
Why doesn't she sleep at night?
For everyone else - "Everything is wonderful!"
That's where she stands...
"Stand!" - Smiling at adversity.
"Stop!" - Tears sting eyes.
"Stand!" - Against all odds.
"Stand!" - When there is a storm in the heart.
Vedas. 2. Once a woman had a dream that the Lord God was standing behind the counter of the store.
- God! It's you? she exclaimed with joy.
“Yes, I am,” God replied.
– What can I buy from you? the woman asked.
“You can buy everything from me,” came the answer.
- In that case, please give me health, happiness, love, success and a lot of money.
Vedas. one.
God smiled benevolently and went to the utility room for the ordered goods. After a while he returned with a small paper box.
- And it's all?! exclaimed the surprised and disappointed woman.
“Yes, that’s all,” God replied. “Didn’t you know that my store only sells seeds?”
Vedas. 2. We change hairstyles, perfumes, phones,
outfits, neighbors, residence permits, districts…
We start cats, orchids, men,
friends, exclusive car brands…
We give birth to ideas, children and problems,
and endure all the pain, parting, betrayal ...
We are waiting for a miracle, weather and flights,
we look at the sky, into the outgoing rails ...
We try to look and be inspired,
yet - do not grow old, forget, smile ...
We lose gloves, airiness, watches,
getting older, wiser, on the scales ...
Vedas. one. And we learn to see, cook, knit,
pity, compassion, inspire, seduce...
Finding notes and adventures
hide your age, deceit, hobbies ...
Dishes and books, we bribe food,
we often hover in our unreality,
in doubt, insomnia, self-esteem,
and we dye our hair in any shades ...
And between all this we believe in LOVE,
we suffer, curse, and ... fall in love again.
Vedas. 2. Lovely women! We sincerely congratulate you on a wonderful spring holiday! Let your house be: Happiness, Love, Prosperity and Comfort. May your dear person live in the world for a long, long time.
Vedas. one. We wish you Smiles, Tenderness, Warmth on the day of spring. Life will be better, without a doubt, if Beauty rules in the world!
Vedas. 2.
It's good to be the girl in the pink coat
maybe not in pink, but not the same.
Vedas. one. It's good to be a woman in a mink coat,
maybe not in mink, but not the same.
Vedas. 2.
It's good to be a lady in your own car,
you can take the bus, but not the same.
Vedas. one. Well, the salary of a hundred thousand commercials,
maybe four, but not that.
Dear beauties, I'm always for
so that in your life there is only that!
Girls! Happy holiday!
Congratulations on March 8!
I wish you a kilogram of sweets
A ton of happiness and love
Positive to be in the blood.
A sea of sweet discoveries
River of joyful events
Compliments and flowers
In honor of heavenly beauty.
Let tenderness shine in your eyes
Kindness and infinity
There will be no excess weight -
Only places for kisses!
Hands untied, bows tied,
Bright make-up, manicure, top class!
Requires a heart of love and romance
Happy March 8th, congratulations now.
Spin us today and spin
All wishes will be fulfilled at once.
Teach us, manage, endure.
We can't imagine how we would live without you.
We want to wish you, forever young,
To put smiles on their faces.
To visit crazy ideas,
So that when washing the linen does not shed.
Sales of perpetual and decent press,
Legs and ass was so "nut"!
The limit on the "gold" card is unlimited,
To be praised always and with everyone!
A fur coat, as usual, a sable, mink.
Falcon supernova and Jaguar.
To buy new things every day,
And they said: “Look, superstar!”.
On vacation, fly to warm, distant lands,
And so that the tan evenly lay down.
Feelings to be strong, crystal.
The sky in diamonds and the prince at his feet.
Congratulations on International Women's Day and I want to wish from the bottom of my heart that the nails do not break, that the tongue does not talk too much, that the hair does not split, that the eyelashes grow more actively and thicken every day, that the lips are sweet and lush, that the hands are golden, so that there is an endurance of a steel lady in the soul, so that the figure is charming and magnificent.
Happy March day!
Let it live with a spark:
In the heart so that the fire burns,
Many things were successful.
With heat, let the income grow,
Life will burst with luck
And eyes shine bright
From careless, hot love!
I wish you on Women's Day:
Don't let life tease you
Performs whims,
Your balance replenishes
Protects from stress
And from weight gain
And dunk with your head
A whirlpool in love.
I want to be always loved
And get the buzz from life
And smile, be happy
And only radiate positive!
I wish to the Maldives,
As often as possible, you flew
Lived luxuriously and beautifully,
And it kept blooming!
What else is needed for life
Russian woman in our age?
From the burning bath glad
Bring your husband out into the snow.
An armful of children at a gallop
Feed with thick borscht
And to your beloved in bed
Dive, but not bream.
And cherish the horse in yourself,
To plow for ten thousand,
And pretend to be a fairy
To hide a sudden pimple.
Everything, women, is subject to us:
Checkers, skis, bass...
Therefore, unanimously,
Happy Women's Day to us today!
Congratulations on March 8
Dear ladies now!
Let it be bright, starry
In your life every hour.
Let problems run away from you
And fear like fire
So that you can carefree
Get better day by day.
Let the men do
Your every whim is crazy,
Let them keep, protect
Your happiness and peace!
On a warm, sunny, spring day
I wish you a happy mood
Flowers, smiles and gifts,
Love and hot kisses!
I wish you all beauties
Eat cake, drink tea.
Let the men fall at their feet
And they give you diamonds.
And may, beautiful creatures,
Your wishes will come true!
Ladies are running the show today
Today the female sex is all right,
Recreation flourishes today
Let laziness come today!
Be queens for life
To cherish women's whims,
Flirt wholeheartedly
And fulfill your dreams.
Have fun all year long
And dissolve in tender happiness,
Don't think what will happen tomorrow
Let the holiday be a bright dream!
Today is an unusual day
And for many unusual,
Women's day has come, girls,
Relax until sunset!
Postpone all cleaning
And pour a hill of sweets,
Ironing, washing - everything later,
Let's have fun and eat!
Let men envy
They give fur coats, limousines.
Let them lie at your feet
Catch happiness and delight!
You know, my friend, there are knights! Ice, running to the bus, slipped, drove a couple of meters on the priest. I got on the bus, and a pretty brunette said: “Let me shake off your sled.”
And now, dear listeners, a chronicle of incidents. Last night, a certain gullible lonely man opened the door to an unfamiliar drunk woman. And did not regret!
- Tell me honestly, dear, what do you feel for me?
- Patience, dear. Huge patience.
Better to be crazy about a woman than a fool by nature.
Not the real man who keeps running around fighting dragons, but the one who says: “I already bought bread”, “Don't make it up, you have a beautiful face”, “Don't worry, dear, I'll do everything”.
You know, a friend, she went last night to a neighbor to cry for life. Neighing with her until the morning!
You know, my friend, in order for us women to be appreciated, we need to enter the burning hut, and then stop the galloping horse. And the peasants are beautiful: they washed the dishes once a week, and already a hero!
You know, friend, sometimes it's so embarrassing, so ashamed of what you've done. I want to close my eyes ... and do it again!
The third day I sit on a diet. Oh girls! It's not mine, it's not mine!
You know, Vityok, when he lived with his wife, he kept thinking: where does she put her money? Divorced. I live alone and I think: where did she get them?
Hello! Is this a shop? My husband gave me your kitchen set, but there is no rolling pin in it.
- Woman, but he did not take the rolling pin.
Two physics professors are sitting in the square and talking. A pretty woman walks by. They both shut up and look at her. Finally, one of them exclaims:
- Wow, how interestingly the atoms are grouped!
Honey, I'm not a witch, honestly, honestly! Just faster on a broomstick.
You know, my friend, I hung a talisman against evil spirits in the hallway. I went to the store, returned, but I can’t open the door - the key stopped working!
You know, my friend, to calm me down, the psychologist advised me to retire and calmly talk to myself. Retired. I had enough for two minutes ... We had a fight!
Girlfriend, do you regret getting married?
- What am I, not a man? Pity him, of course.
Expensive! I told you I'd be there in five minutes, so why are you calling every half an hour?
Men think that 90x60x90 is the figure of an ideal blonde, and blondes know that this is 486,000.
Boulevard. Three friends talk about the problems of cardiology. Suddenly one of them:
- Girls! Making silly faces and talking about rags! So-and-what men on the horizon!
Women like romantic men as long as they don't need a man's job. And then there is such a romantic - a tear in his eyes, hands grow from * experience ...
The girl quarreled with the guy. She frowned and turned away. And in my head: “Well, hug. Well hug. Well, hug-and-and!” The guy hugged, and she told him: “Hands removed!”
A woman is just an open book. Well, like quantum mechanics in Swahili.
Man! Beware the beautiful. Be afraid of the beautiful and smart. And if you are beautiful, smart and offended - just pretend to be dead!
A woman has a magnificent age, when she is over forty! Everything is possible, but nothing is scary!
Now I know for sure, Vityok, what the women need, because they left me three times.
- Well, what do they need, Seryoga?
- Yes, they all need one thing - a good man.
You know, Vityok, when mine asks what I want for dinner, I never guess.
You know, my friend, a miniskirt is three times as effective as a burqa to divert attention from your face. And yet, if you don’t know what to say to a man, then smile mysteriously and straighten your bra.
Ivan Tsarevich arrived at the fork in the road. At the fork is a stone. There is an inscription on the stone: “If you go to the left, I will kill you. Your Vasilisa.
Zin, I met my future on a dating site. He immediately asked: “Are you at least not thin?” You know, my friend, I already liked him then!
A real woman will not say: “I made a mistake”, she will say: “Wow, how interesting it turned out.”
Darling, I have decided that I will never argue with you again!
No, you look at him. He decided! And you asked me?
Men's logic is more correct, but how much more interesting is women's! And it’s not difficult to understand women’s logic: it’s enough to learn how to play billiards cool with cubes.
If the wife after the holiday makes her husband sober, then she is not only beautiful, but also smart!
Ask a woman. Do the opposite. Now bite your elbows, smart guy!
Vitek, what to do? I kissed Manya on the cheek, so she slapped me. I said that I will not kiss again, so she hit me again!
Seryoga, but still it’s bad without women.
- No, Vitek. When it's bad without women, it's good! And when it's good without women, then that's bad!
Dear, you are an ungrateful egoist. I don't understand how I can stand it. But if everyone is against you, I will stand next to you and feed the cartridges.
The best makeup for a woman is happiness in her eyes.
“HE could not keep up everywhere and therefore created HER. Where there was SHE, there was a paradise. (From Adam's diary.)