What to do if the husband beats when drunk. Where can I go if my spouse has beaten me? Husband beats wife what to do

28.06.2019

Do you want to finally stop bullying yourself?
We hope that our tips and the method described in this article will help you get rid of domestic violence.

Client Notes:“My husband beats me. After his beatings, bruises remain on my body.
I have to cover them with clothes and hide them with cosmetics so that no one
didn't see.
The worst thing is that my son sees such an attitude of a father to his mother -
everything happens before his eyes.
I no longer have the strength to endure the beatings of my husband. Of course he apologizes
that he won't do that again - but after a while he hits me again.
I finally decided that it should not continue like this."
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In a situation where a woman is exposed to domestic violence, she needs to make an important choice: to continue to endure further bullying or change her life.

Modeling Behavior

If a woman decides break up with your husband who beats her, she must first understand the reasons for her behavior in the family. Otherwise, there is a possibility that such relationships will be repeated at other times, with another man.

After all, the woman did not understand why her husband beat her. Why is this happening to her? Why did she allow herself to be treated like this?

That's right, it allowed...

After all, if she had stopped such an attitude towards herself at the very beginning, when her husband hit her for the first time, now she would not suffer from recurring beatings.

If the husband does not change, if he does not stop beating you, you will leave.

In both the first and second scenarios, both the husband and the wife need to understand the causes of domestic violence and how to get rid of it.

Our behavior in life and in the family is conditioned by education.

From childhood, we take an example from our parents. Yes, we know they don't always do the right thing. But we have no other choice but to unconsciously follow their example. We are prisoners of their patterns of behavior in the family.
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Our ideas about family are shaped by the relationship between our parents.
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But you are not to blame for doing the same as your parents! It’s just that you didn’t see another example, except for the parent one, in childhood.

But now you have grown up. And you can build your own family - the way you want.

Why does your husband behave this way towards you, why does he beat you? To find the answer to this question, you first need to determine the cause of his aggressive behavior. And having determined the cause, we will find out how to change it.

Why does a husband raise his hand to his wife?

So, we found out that the upbringing and atmosphere in the parental family influence the formation of the child's personality. They contribute to the choice of his life path, behavior, attitudes, beliefs.

It is good when a child grows up in a psychologically healthy family, where he is taken care of, where he is respected, where his opinion is taken into account and where he is helped to become a full-fledged person. But families are different. And not always the climate in them is favorable for the cultivation of a young personality.

Husband's aggression and cruel behavior towards his wife is often rooted in childhood, in the parental family. Most likely, he was often offended as a child: beaten, mocked, humiliated. As a result, a man grew up, unsure of himself, who now asserts himself by manifesting his physical strength over a weaker person - his wife.

Sometimes a man's self-esteem does not suffer, but his father's behavior towards his mother has already been deposited in his subconscious, in those moments when he beat her.

Now a man automatically reproduces the same model of behavior - but already in his family.

How can a man overcome negative subconscious attitudes and stereotypes?

First, understand that its behavior is the inheritance of its parent.
Secondly, realize that this is not correct.
Third, firmly decide that he wants to change.

A man needs to learn to develop a different model of behavior.

Why is a woman exposed to domestic violence?

A woman, most likely, also carries an unconscious childhood trauma. She may have been bullied by her father or mother, or some other member of the family, as a child. She - victim by nature.
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Until a woman realizes this fact, until she understands her behavior and her
beliefs until she learns to love herself and be confident - she again and again
will experience domestic violence.
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Realize that your problems come from childhood, that you behave in the same way as your father and mother did in your childhood. But then you were small and defenseless. And now you are an adult woman who herself has the right to decide how to live!

Take up, for example, the type of activity that has long attracted you. This will make you feel more confident and happy. You deserve all the best! Remember this.

Understanding the causes and consequences of domestic violence is very important! You understand that once again someone can go too far in a quarrel and seriously suffer or, God forbid, an outbreak of aggression will lead to fatal consequences.

In addition, not only you suffer, your children also suffer. They are not willing to witness your quarrels with your husband.
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Think about what a happy family future your children can have,
if there is no other example, except for bullying the object of their love, they don’t know?! ..
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Your children, just like you as a child, unconsciously inherit the behavior of their parents. They will transfer your behavior pattern to their future family - just like you once did.

Someone has to break this vicious cycle. It is up to you to change the situation for the better and build a warmer relationship with your husband! Realize the gravity of the problem. Get ready for change.

Of course, changes will take time and patience, as well as the help of a psychologist.
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Important reminder!
Promise yourself: if your husband does not want or cannot change, you will leave him.
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How can a husband learn to control his aggression?

Often a husband beats his wife because he does not know how to get rid of aggression in any other way. Aggression accumulates in him and increases during a quarrel. He needs to learn to manage his feelings.

Here are two effective ways to help your husband cope with aggression:

1. A man can learn to express his emotions with words rather than actions. The simple phrase "I'm angry with you" is more effective than a fist.

2. A man can develop the habit of directing aggression in a less destructive direction - sports, exercise and exercise.

In the first variant, a man pronounces his emotions and thereby frees himself from them. After all, aggression is the accumulation of negative emotions and their release when a person can no longer restrain them in himself.

In the second case, a man gives feelings a harmless outlet - through physical work or sports.

How should a woman behave?

Relationships have this pattern: if one person changes, other members of the family also change. It is a fact. But before you change, both you and your husband need to realize that changes are vital for you, for your family.

As a wife, you need to support your husband from the very beginning if he decides to change for the better.

Praise him for his successes, encourage him with words. Show by your actions and behavior that you are with him, that you share his intention to change.

Think about it, would you be pleased if you were told every day that you are bad, ugly and the like? On the contrary, it is necessary to encourage the behavior of a husband who is clearly making progress towards better changes.

How to be with children?

Children who have seen more than once how their father beats their mother feel hatred for the parent - they are afraid and do not respect their father.
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Children, when they grow up, will respond to brute physical force with the same force
and the same attitude towards man.
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Do you want that? Do you want your children to despise and hate you?

If you decide to live differently and build strong relationships in your family, first win new trust and respect from your children. By your actions, words, you must restore close and trusting relationships with your children.

Children should not be afraid of you, children should respect you!

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Want to end violence in your family once and for all? Get started right now. Now you know a little more about the methods of how to bring peace to the family, and you can put them into practice.

Remember: domestic violence can be stopped!
Change! You deserve happiness!

Domestic violence is often overlooked. If a husband beats his wife, she often hides it from strangers. Why? It's embarrassing, embarrassing. You can't tell a friend about this over a cup of tea. Sometimes the closest relatives do not realize what a nightmare a woman is going through day after day, until they accidentally notice bruises and abrasions on her.

Why do some husbands beat their wives?

Aggression in the family does not come from nowhere. It does not happen that a caring, loving father of a family suddenly changes for no reason, instantly turning into a cruel tyrant capable of raising a hand against the mother of his children.

Aggression, lack of self-control, explosive nature often have a psychological basis. Psychologists talk about the existence of two types of male aggressors:

Men are pit bulls. This type accumulates aggression gradually. The scandal begins with swearing and reproaches, grows and ends with beatings. In this case, the husband is psychologically very dependent on his wife, but he lacks respect for her as a person. It is extremely difficult for a woman in such a relationship: she has to follow her every word, gesture and look. The dissatisfied tyrant still finds something to complain about and provokes another scandal with beatings.
Men are "cobras". This type is more difficult and more dangerous than the first, although it is somewhat less common. The use of force occurs unexpectedly, without previous quarrels and verbal showdown, outwardly the man is absolutely calm. He does not feel remorse even after he beat his wife.

Why is there violence? If a husband often beats his wife, it means that he feels power over her. Low self-esteem, the presence of complexes push a man to demonstrate his superiority over the weak.

Nature has laid in the male character the desire for self-affirmation. Each person chooses ways to increase self-esteem on his own: to climb the career ladder, achieve success and recognition in sports, business, or assert himself at the expense of his wife and children, humiliating and beating them. The dissatisfaction with life of the unrecognized genius aggressively spills out at home, as if proving that he is worth something.

From the point of view of psychology, male aggression is provoked by the following reasons:

What to do if the husband beats: divorce or stay and try to rectify the situation, each woman decides on her own. There are those for whom one time, a single blow, is enough to break off relations. Such women love and respect themselves, and are sure that once having crossed the boundaries of what is permissible, the husband will no longer be able to stop. This means that physical violence will be repeated. Other wives live with tyrants, finding excuses and forgiving cruelty, decide to re-educate him or dutifully accept the situation.

Psychologist's advice will help to break the vicious circle of domestic violence:

Where can I go if my spouse has beaten me?

Women are stopped by the fear of the unknown, loneliness. Wives who are financially dependent on their husbands and have nowhere to go feel they are stuck in a dead end and see no way out, while husbands continue to mock, feeling their dominance. There is always a way out:

Seek help from relatives or close friends. They can find temporary shelter.
In big cities, you can turn to crisis centers to help victims of domestic violence for support. In the event of a critical situation, one can find shelter and protection there, receive legal and psychological assistance, and assistance in finding a job.
8-800-100-49-940 - All-Russian crisis hotline for women, working around the clock.

The procedure for the victim when contacting law enforcement agencies

It is necessary to act in case of beatings clearly, this will help to punish the offender according to the law. The procedure is as follows:

What threatens the tyrant?

The legislation provides for bringing to responsibility for assault, physical and moral harm.

Depending on the circumstances of the beating, after a criminal trial, the perpetrator of the beating may be charged with:

infliction of intentional light bodily harm (Article 115 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
infliction of intentional moderate harm to health (Article 112 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
infliction of intentional grievous bodily harm (Article 111 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
beatings (Article 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
torture (Article 117 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
threat of murder or infliction of grievous bodily harm (Article 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).

An inadequate spouse will be given a formal warning. He will be put on record, tracking his behavior in the future.

As the classic wrote, all happy families are equally happy, all unhappy families are unhappy in their own way. However, one can argue with this quote from Anna Karenina: there are also enough templates in misfortune. Domestic violence, especially in our country, is one of the most common. Why does a man beat his wife? Let's try to find the answer to this question - and there, you see, we will get to the solution of the problem.

fake wrapper

During the wedding, you are sure that everything will be just as wonderful as it was during the candy-bouquet period: “serenades under the window”, SMS with or without reason, tender love and other delights. Alas, sometimes this is just a shiny package, and the product itself under it is of a completely different quality.

After the registry office, you notice that a man is changing dramatically and requires unconditional submission. Maybe patriarchy is in our blood, although in reality it has long ceased to correspond to modern realities.

We just got married, there were no questions: you could take care of yourself, work or study - in a word, you were a modern person. And now he abruptly changes course and says: “Stay at home, I will earn one for my family. But do not wait for extra money - you will waste everything. Since you are my wife, get used to living at the level that I can provide. This is the first stage, and at the next stage you are already asking yourself: if the husband beats, what should I do?

You can leave right away, but everything is not so simple. What to do if this love is the same, real. Or if you are already pregnant? Yes, unfortunately, few people can be surprised by the fact that a husband beats his pregnant wife. It’s even scary to imagine this picture, but even worse is the fact that, due to her supposedly hopeless situation, the expectant mother endures and forgives again and again.

Why does the husband begin to raise his hand? Psychology suggests that for no reason at all no one dissolves. Most likely, there have been alarm bells before.

Remember, even before the wedding, he abruptly grabbed your hand, or yelled, or maybe he swung it - was it? And then he apologized, promised that it would not happen again or something like that. Even then it was worth thinking - do you need such love!

And here is another alarm signal: you met his parents and saw that in his family yelling at each other is in the order of things. Or he is from an incomplete family, where cuffs were a common way of education. Here it is worth thinking about the future three times - you can easily connect your life with a tyrant.

There is another common problem when the husband drinks and beats. What to do if your man likes to drink, and under the influence of alcohol, a seemingly decent, caring and good person becomes a hitter? The only way out is to stop drinking. Do not be afraid to put the question point-blank: either booze or family. Think about your future, about your children. After all, one day he can beat so that nothing can be returned and changed.

But unfortunately, few people manage to take timely measures and not bring their family to problems with assault. But if you didn’t think in time, and the tragedy has already happened? If your own husband beats, what to do? It is necessary to fix the damage, and make copies of the medical examination. Do not be shy and write a statement to the police - how else to fight if you are weaker? If a man beats a woman, he should not go unpunished.

Of course, there are also self-defense courses, but this path is quite dangerous. You won’t learn how to defend well in a few lessons, and by hitting back you will actually accept his rules of the game. Anything can happen in the heat of a fight, especially if the wrong items are at hand. It can end in severe injuries and even death - you can become both a victim and a killer. In Russia, tens of thousands of people die in such domestic fights.

Psychology of the victim

In our country, unfortunately, it is not customary to sympathize with women who have fallen under domestic tyranny.

Even few people understand why a husband beats his wife. And women themselves often contribute to such an attitude, their diagnosis is the psychology of the victim. Say, if it beats, it means it's her own fault, she deserved it. Of course, you deserve it - if you allow yourself to be treated like that! Yes, there is such a saying “if the seventh husband hits in the face, then it’s not the husband, but the face”, but not all women are to blame for everything themselves!

What explanations can be found if a guy hits a girl? The psychology here is simple, caveman. He thinks something like this: "If I recognize a woman as an equal, then I myself will become like a woman, I will cease to be a man." In fact, of course, the opposite is true. A real man considers it beneath his dignity to raise his hand against those who are weaker - this is the path of cowards and scoundrels.

If the husband beats, the main thing is not to endure! Don't be afraid to confront your husband! After all, as soon as you start to endure, you are included in this game, from which it is almost impossible to get out. Usually this is for life - and an unhappy life. Or maybe not for long - in a fit of anger, but anything happens under a drunken hand.

But the worst thing is that children can pay for such a woman's mistake! Quite recently, a tragic incident occurred: a quarrel ensued between a husband and wife, which escalated into a fight. The son (a boy of about 5 years old), seeing this, rushed to protect his mother, began to pull his father by the trouser leg. He pushed the child away in a fit of anger. The boy hit the battery and received an injury incompatible with life. The man was put in jail. The woman was in intensive care.

But even if, thank God, everyone stays alive, the crippled children's psyche will not allow them to live in harmony and happiness! Even if this game suits you personally, it injures the child for life. He sees everything: both fights and humiliation - and he will repeat everything in his life. The daughter will turn into the same victim, the son into a new tyrant. And you must break this vicious circle. Here and now. Instead of walking around with a bat and expecting to be pitied.

Why do women still get involved in this game? Why do they tolerate if the husband beats, do not fix the beatings, and even in the hospital they say that they “just fell down”? Like Yesenin: “Nothing, I stumbled on a stone, it will all heal by tomorrow.” Why?

Probably, cave instincts wake up in many of us too. There are many such paradoxes in nature, opposites are drawn to each other. A good girl needs a bad boy, a monogamous woman is attracted by Don Juan, give a “know-it-all” to a “fool”. We are looking for what we lack - and aggression can subconsciously attract us.

In addition, there are also white stripes in this game. Many people like it when a man then apologizes and repents - until the next beating. Something like Ivan the Terrible, who alternated repentance with executions. This is already such a ritual dance that even the neighbors get used to. A fighter husband sometimes looks like an alcoholic husband (especially since these roles are often combined).

In the soft version, during breaks, it turns into pure "gold": gentle, caring, attentive. And then rolls - and away we go. Maybe the moon came close, or Saturn was in the wrong house - who knows? But the male head is turned off, the muscles are used.

What to do if your family is on the verge of breaking up due to beatings?

Try to persuade your husband to go to a psychologist to figure out where the legs grow from. It is very difficult to solve the problem of assault without knowing the psychology of such behavior. If the problem comes from childhood, therapy will help you, and the marriage will be saved.
Mark your boundaries! Tell him that if he allows himself to use force against you again, you will do something that he will not like. For example, you move with your child to live with your mother. The main thing is that your threat really frightens him, and you were ready to carry it out. Don't threaten divorce if you're really not ready to say goodbye to it.
If neither a psychologist, nor boundaries, nor persuasion, nor prayers helped, and you already understand that you did everything you could, leave without regret! There will definitely be those who will accuse you of being unwise (as a rule, this is the mother-in-law protecting her son or the husband himself), they say, God endured, and ordered us; beats means loves; you are the one to blame; I couldn't save my family and a lot of things like that. Do not give in to this psychological pressure, do not listen to anyone.

Even if now it’s not beatings with bruises, fractures and dislocations, but only “harmless” slaps and pushes against the wall, it’s better to start acting! He will hit harder, and you will still leave! And only you decide with what damage: with a scratch on the cheek, with broken ribs or with a tombstone!

You, your safety and your children's safety is above all. This security is actually a male function! He must protect his family from all troubles. And if it is not that he does not protect, but he himself creates these problems, your fault is not here and cannot be. Whatever the love, financial situation, turn around and leave. If he loves you, he will take measures to fight against himself, and if not, then such a man is not needed. Your love is not enough for both of you!

The State Duma adopted a new bill on the decriminalization of beatings in the family! That is, now, if the husband dissolves his hands, you fix all the injuries and file a complaint with the police, your missus will not face criminal liability! The state disclaims responsibility for the fact that 14,000 women die every year at the hands of their spouse (and this is just official statistics)! This means that now, apart from you, no one will be able to influence the situation with your beating husband!

Spouses are frequent defendants in criminal cases of beatings. Domestic violence always remains one of the most common types of crimes that cause harm to human health.

Since 2017, the article on battery has been partially decriminalized. Single episodes of domestic violence were decriminalized.

Battery inflicted by relatives or spouses is no longer a criminal offence. They are regulated by the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation. However, for the correct qualification of what happened, all the circumstances of the crime are taken into account when the husband beat his wife.

What threatens him in this case? What should a wife do if her husband raises his hand against her?

Not every beating by a husband of his wife will be qualified under the article “Beatings”. For qualification, the circumstances of the deed and, above all, the degree of harm caused are taken into account.

After all, you can also beat your wife in different ways. Sometimes the beating ends in the death of the wife. In this case, there can be no question of beatings.

In the current legislation, there are three degrees of harm caused to health:

The severity of the harm caused is determined by the conclusion of a forensic medical examination.

It will depend on the severity of the article under which your husband will be judged. The main thing in this case is to record beatings in a medical institution in time and as quickly as possible.

In addition, the most important factor, in addition to the degree of damage, for the correct qualification is the frequency of committing such crimes by the husband-tyrant.

The first attempt to commit a beating qualifies as an administrative offense, relapse - a criminal offense.

Punishment under the new law for beatings under Art. 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation is possible only if several attempts are made to beat the wife.

The first episode of beatings was decriminalized. This is considered an administrative offense.

What will happen to the husband if the wife has removed the beating depends on what will be indicated in the medical report. This document is the main guideline for initiating a criminal case and sentencing.

In 2017, Art. 6.1.1, which deals with cases of family beatings.

Consideration of administrative cases under Art. 6.1.1 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation is dealt with by the Magistrate's Court.

Cases are initiated by the police, after which the material is submitted to the court for consideration. Both parties are required to attend the hearing.

As a punishment, a tyrant husband may face:

Mandatory work up to 120 hours;
Arrest up to 15 days;
Fine from 5 to 30 thousand rubles.

The fine is imposed in favor of the state, that is, in fact, the spouse will receive nothing. To compensate for the harm caused to her, she will have to file a lawsuit in a civil court.

The guilty person is obliged to submit to the court a receipt for payment of the fine, otherwise new administrative material will be initiated for non-payment of the sanction.

As a rule, the courts under this article are limited to imposing a fine of 5 thousand rubles..

Theoretically, the spouses have the right to reconcile in court, then the punishment will not be imposed. In practice, some of the judges do not conciliate the parties under this article.

In addition, counter-materials of administrative offenses often come to the courts, when each of the parties receives damage during the conflict.

If the perpetrator has previously been subjected to administrative arrest for beatings, he will face criminal liability for a new episode.

In order for his actions to be qualified as beatings, it is necessary that the harm caused by him does not correspond to the slight degree of damage to the health of the victim.

According to Art. 116.1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, the perpetrator expects the following punishment:

Art. 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation can be applied only when hooligan motives or hatred on racial, political, national or religious grounds can be traced in the actions and motives of the husband.

That is, if a husband hits his wife because she does not agree with his political and religious views, Article 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation will come into play.

What other article for beating a wife by a husband in Russia is provided as an alternative, except for those that have already been previously considered?

So, depending on the motives of the husband, the degree of damage caused and the frequency of episodes, other articles of the Code may also apply.

In particular, these include:

In addition, a husband can harm in a state of passion, in the same state he can kill his wife. In this case, the responsibility will be more serious.

If a wife is beaten by her husband, one should not hesitate and forgive. One hit yesterday in a bad mood, today can turn into a fatal one.

First you need to decide where to turn in such a situation. There are many instances in the country, but one should start with the lowest and more accessible.

The procedure for the victim should be as follows:

Immediately after a family conflict, you should go to the emergency room;
There, go through an inspection and get your hands on the original certificate certified by the seal;
With this certificate, you must go to the police station to write and submit an application.

You have the right to apply by law to any police station, but it is better to file an appeal at the place of the incident.

The application is required to be written in two copies in order to control the time frame for its consideration by law enforcement agencies.

On the second copy, the police officer must put a mark of acceptance. In addition, you are required to issue a notification coupon with information about the receipt of a response on the consideration of the application.

The application must be made according to the following rules:

When the wife wrote a statement, the police are obliged to check the circumstances of the case set out in it. The police can either initiate criminal proceedings or administrative material, or issue a refusal to initiate a case. In the latter case, the husband will be given a warning and put on record.

If the refusal of the police officers to initiate a case seems unreasonable to you, you can contact the prosecutor's office. They'll check it out and file a case. In addition, the prosecutor's office can punish a negligent police officer.

For 2019, according to Art. 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, the injured party may independently apply to the court with an application to initiate a criminal case in the manner of private prosecution.

What to do from a legal point of view when a husband hit his wife? You need to prove your legal position in court.

An important piece of evidence is a certificate of the beatings removed.. But when the wife calls the police at the time of the conflict, she does not have the opportunity to go to the hospital on her own and receive a certificate.

At the time of the conflict, when the police arrive, you should ask the employees to call an ambulance to fix the beatings.

Of course, if a husband beat his wife half to death, doctors will not have questions about the nature of the injuries. But when the wife has minor abrasions and bruises, a delay in contacting a medical institution for 3-4 days may be grounds for refusing to initiate a case.

In addition to a certificate in court, the testimony of witnesses will play a greater role as evidence.. If someone saw your conflict or heard it, these witnesses must be declared in court.

If possible, immediately after the incident, take a picture of yourself on the phone so that the damage can be seen. If the blows were inflicted by any object, it is better to remove it immediately so that the husband does not have the opportunity to destroy it.

If you really believe that you are in danger, you can act in self-defense. The main thing in this case is not to exceed its limits, otherwise you yourself, and not your husband, will be the defendant in the criminal case.

Family tyranny should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. The decriminalization of an article of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation does not mean that husbands now have the right to beat their wives and not be held responsible for it.

The Criminal Code of the Russian Federation will forgive them only a single episode of beatings. For the second similar misconduct, the attacker will face a more severe punishment.

There is no need to endure torture and beatings, it is necessary to protect your rights and not put your children at risk.