Preparations 

What is an aggressive child and how to re-educate him? Can the reason for the aggressiveness of children lie in the fascination with video games? Aggression of children caused by physical health disorders

The kid is always associated with a small benevolent who willingly makes contact with others. What is the surprise of parents when their child receives numerous complaints, and one day mom and dad see the child's aggression towards other children. Why are such huge changes taking place?

Aggression in children requires mandatory correction

Definition of aggressiveness in children

Aggression is destructive behavior directed at other people, which brings physical and moral suffering. Not only surrounding parents suffer from this condition, but also the child himself, the environment is torn away from him, the baby begins to feel resentment. Negative emotions grow like a snowball, misunderstanding of others gives rise to new bouts of aggressive behavior.


Types of aggression in children

It is noted that aggression is activated when the child enters the children's team. When he was in the family circle with mom and dad, he was the center of attention. There is one teacher in the kindergarten and at least twenty people like him.

With aggressive behavior, diseases of the nervous system should be excluded. In the total number of cases of aggressive behavior, these reasons occupy a small percentage. The difficulty lies in the fact that to work with such children without a comprehensive examination and drug treatment.

Why is early education important?

In other cases, most problems can be solved with the help of education. The process of interaction with the child must begin with the first meeting. It is proved that the child remembers the treatment of parents from the first days of life. When a child has children of his own, he copies the behavior of his parents.


Aggression can start in early childhood

It has been observed why children who have been little fed with breast milk are often aggressive. In the history of the development of an aggressive child, there is an earlier weaning of the child.

Close contact with the mother gives the child a sense of security and tenderness, the child carries them through all childhood.

Age up to a year - aggressive child what to do?

Many adults consider aggression to be an innate quality, because many children often cry and throw a tantrum. But such a reaction of a newborn is nothing more than the ability to express their emotions. By crying, the baby expresses various emotions and needs.


Parental aggression is passed on to children

From the age of one year, the child begins to show strong emotions. The kid masters sitting, crawling, walking, says his first words. If the child does not get what he wants, he expresses his dissatisfaction with a wave of protest. If the kid seeks to get it from an adult, then anger may arise towards him, the child may hit, pinch, throw a tantrum. At this moment, older relatives try to switch the attention of the child, at first they succeed.

Why is it impossible to limit a child in desires and aspirations?

It is necessary to prepare a safe space for the baby where he could exercise. For example, a child likes to get things from a shelf in a chest of drawers. For its safety, you can close all other shelves, and put soft things without dangerous fittings on the lowest one. So the baby will fulfill his desire, remain safe.

The protest and discontent of the child is not yet true aggression, the problem may appear later. It is important from an early age not to shake the child's psyche and not to kill the desire to know the world in him.

Children between 2 and 3 years old

Each child develops individually, specifically for this age is not worth it. Your child may approach this crisis stage six months late or earlier. It is necessary to clearly monitor the signs of aggression in the behavior of the child.

From this moment on, the child distinguishes himself from other people, his personality is formed. The kid begins to say: “I myself, mine, give!”. The child shows independence, tries to do all the actions alone. You can not stop the desires of the child in this case, you will encounter resistance and misunderstanding.

Aggression can be manifested towards things, parents, strangers

The manifestation of resentment can begin because of a minor event. An aggressive child reached for a toy, failed to grab it, at first loud crying is heard, all attempts to calm the child are faced with irreconcilable resistance.

Why does a child react to words with aggression?

Attacks of aggression can be caused not only in response to actions, but also to words. The beginnings of this condition can be observed when the baby has a poor vocabulary. When trying to explain his desires and aspirations, he encounters misunderstanding and laughter. It is very important to treat with understanding any verbal expression of feelings by a child, otherwise the child will develop anger and resentment.


Aggression can manifest itself verbally, in actions and in hysterics.

Children from 4 years old - up to school age

With the growth and development of the baby, speech and a sense of control over their emotions and actions are improved. By this age, children skillfully begin to control their actions, as a rule, they fight less often, although some children continue to sort things out with physical force. Although some continue to take away toys, fight and bite their peers.


Aggression in schoolchildren is often directed at peers

By the age of 4-5 years, children begin to actively debate. They try to humiliate the dignity of the disliked child with the help of words, they begin to call names and swear. Why is it possible to hear obscene language from the lips of a little man? Such behavior is usually absorbed by the child from family communication. It is very important not to sort things out in front of the child.

If your child is seen in this kind of aggression, it is worth having a serious talk with him and changing the relationship in the family. The best example is your own benevolent attitude. Tell your child not to humiliate the dignity of other children.


The aggressive behavior of the child speaks of an excess of emotions and energy. Perhaps it makes sense to arrange a child in a section or a circle where he will be physically and emotionally involved. In this regard, classes based on competition, martial arts, and competitions are very useful.

Teenager and aggression

Why is it difficult to work with this age group?

The most tragic stage in the development of aggression at the age of 11-14 years, if it is easier to work with a child, a greater positive response. Then in the case of aggression of the grown-up offspring, everything is much more complicated. The root of the problem is still in the family. Many parents are very busy people, they do not have enough time to sit down and just talk with their child, all communication is limited to routine phrases.


Coping with teenage aggression is not easy, here you need a psychologist's consultation. A detailed conversation is needed about the importance of your work, the child is not yet working, the standard of living of all family members directly depends on your employment.

The struggle is not easy, but you need to try and believe in success. There are no hopeless situations, if you do not know what to do, look for the experience of other people and specialists.

Causes of child aggression:

The pernicious influence of human society. A person cannot exist in isolation from society. However, the people with whom we and our children interact are not always filled with kindness and positive. Due to age and lack of experience, a child is easily misled.


Cause of aggression - attitude towards the child

Problems in communication in the family since childhood. Often the cause of a child's aggression lies in discord in the family. Aggressive children often copy the behavior of adult family members. Some parents sort things out with their children, it can come to swearing and fighting. You need to learn to control your emotions and teach this child. In human society, there are many ways to solve problems, aggression, either physically or psychologically, is not welcome.


Discomfort in society is one of the causes of aggression

Mass media. This source of example for behavior haunts the child constantly. So aggressive children gradually turn into teenagers. Many scenes of violence, swearing, fights are pouring from the TV screens. A child from an early age is not protected from exposure. If there was an adult between the child and the computer, the TV, but parents always have no time. They leave communication with their beloved child for later. This is how a middle-aged child learns lessons from the media as a common truth. Today, even children's cartoons have changed priorities. Good cartoons that taught common truths are already in fashion. Today, young people rely on glibness and audacity. This way of resolving conflicts does not lead to good.


Psychologists think. Internet leads to child aggression

Methods for dealing with child aggression


Punish your child if he really deserves it. All misconduct should not remain without your assessment, the child should not feel impunity. If the child showed himself on the positive side, then do not leave it unattended, your love and care will resonate.


What to do with an aggressive child

What mistakes should not be made when dealing with child aggression


Get a pet. Children who hate the whole world may become attached to a puppy or a kitten. Through this communication it will be easier to reach the heart of the child.

Similar content

To understand the causes of aggressive behavior in a child, you first need to understand what aggression is. Psychologists say that aggression is not an attitude, not a motive, and not even an emotion. Aggression is not a healthy pattern of behavior that is laid down in early childhood. The reasons that provoke the development of an aggressive model of a child's behavior have a very real basis, so it is extremely important not only to know about them, but also not to ignore the possible consequences.

We have selected the most common causes of aggression in children, according to experts:

Reason #1 - Rejection by parents

This reason is one of the basic ones, since according to statistics, most often aggressive behavior patterns appear in unwanted babies. If a child appeared with parents who were consciously or subconsciously not ready for this, he not only intuitively senses a catch, but also “reads” this information from intonation and gestures. Such a child tries to prove that he is good and has the right to exist. However, it does so, as a rule, rather aggressively.

Reason #2 - Hostility

It is very difficult for a child whose parents are hostile to him. Over time, this kid transfers the attitude of his parents to the world around him, which seems to him far from being friendly. If parents allow you to take out your negativity on a child or blame the baby for their own failures, the child not only loses self-confidence, he develops fears and phobias. Over time, the lack of a sense of security and stability leads to bursts of aggression that are directed at parents.

Reason #3 - Destruction of emotional bonds

If a child is forced to live with parents who treat each other with disrespect or hostility, his life turns into a nightmare. It is especially sad when a child is not just a witness to family quarrels, but also a participant in dramatic events.

As a result, the baby is either in constant tension, suffering from family disputes and an unstable situation in the house, or begins to harden in soul and become a subtle manipulator with a very aggressive behavior model.

Reason number 4 - Disrespect for the personality of the baby

Aggressive behavior can be caused by tactless and incorrect criticism, humiliating and offensive remarks, especially if they were made publicly. Disrespect for the personality of the baby, and even more so his humiliation, can cause serious complexes that destroy self-confidence.

Reason #5 - Over control

As a rule, excessive control over the behavior of the child is established by parents who are tough and domineering. However, in an effort to control every step, mom and dad should not forget that by doing so they suppress the personality and hinder the development of their child. In addition, overprotection causes not so much love as fear and a desire to run away. The end result of such a tough upbringing will be the aggressive behavior of the child, aimed at others (adults and children). A kind of veiled protest against the “oppression” of the individual, rejection of the situation of subordination, the existing state of affairs, the struggle against prohibitions. In an attempt to protect his Self, the child chooses an attack as a form of defense, even when he is not in danger.

Reason #6 - Too Much Attention

When a child is given a lot of attention in the family, he quickly gets used to it and becomes spoiled. Over time, the desire of parents to please the baby turns against them. If the next desire of such a child is not fulfilled, in response, the parents receive an outbreak of aggression in the form of a rolled up tantrum or “quiet” meanness.

Reason #7 - Lack of attention

Eternal employment of parents also generates aggressive behavior in babies. In this case, aggression is used as a way to attract parental attention, even in a negative form. The child feels lonely and defenseless, he is frightened by the indifference of his parents and, as a result, aggressive, inadequate actions.

Reason #8 - Feeling afraid

It should also be remembered that bursts of aggression can be caused by the baby's anxiety and are dictated by fear. Quite often, aggressive behavior is a child's cry for help, behind which there is a real tragedy and genuine grief. As a rule, a frightened person acts and thinks inappropriately to the situation. A frightened child also releases the situation out of control and ceases to understand who is his enemy and who is his friend.

Sergey Vasilenkov for the Women's magazine "Charm"

Aggression in children is often considered by educators and doctors as the result of pedagogical neglect or as a clear symptom of neurological or psychiatric diseases. However, psychologist Olga Makhovskaya sees a powerful resource behind the manifestations of children's aggressiveness and, first of all, they try to understand the causes of aggression.

6 types of aggressive kids

According to the psychological content, aggression can be of different types.

  1. Manifestation of crisis in development when the child has "grown" out of the old relationship with the environment and needs a new type of connection. It was at this time that adults' attempts to behave "as always" cause a natural protest in kids who have developed independence skills, accumulated a vocabulary and, as a result, an increased need for greater freedom of action;
  2. The manifestation of a strong temperament. Children with a strong temperament are tireless, they are real marathon runners. The average norms of sleep and rest are not suitable for children whose inclinations allow them to play, move, listen to fairy tales, draw, etc. for a long time and with enthusiasm. The main reasons for external aggression in a child may be the desire to complete what has been started, immersion in the game process. Children with a strong temperament are capricious and indignant when they are underloaded, and therefore not satisfied;
  3. A signal of physical malaise, physiological discomfort, low mood. Until we teach the child to distinguish between physical and emotional states, he will communicate about them in indirect ways, which include symptoms of discomfort. The child will speak with his whole body until he has learned the right words to describe important states and desires;
  4. A way of dominating relationships with peers or adults. A high level of aggressiveness in family relationships, when parents secretly or openly conflict, is a direct cause of children's aggression and the desire to rule;
  5. A signal of a lack of positive emotions. A child can “bring” negative emotions, expectations and fears from the family to kindergarten or school. Aggression towards peers is motivated by the desire to get rid of unpleasant and frightening tension. Instead of punishing the child, driving him into a vicious circle of suffering, we must listen to him, take pity on him and reassure him;
  6. Manifestation of "righteous anger". Fighting moralists who believe that "a normal child is an obedient child," psychologists offer to distinguish between aggression and righteous anger. If there is an objective reason for indignation and protest, for example, one of the parents once again does not fulfill the promise to visit the zoo, the child is understandably angry.

Here are two cases in which the reasons for the aggressiveness of children are not obvious, and only the help of a psychologist helped the parents to see the internal motives of the child's behavior.

Brawler Misha: too much energy

Mishka is 5 years old and he is a fighter. He gladly gives commands to his family, and they have already realized that sometimes it is easier to obey than to agree. Nevertheless, the whole family puts up tough resistance to Mishka. Through joint efforts, resorting to telephone conversations with a strict father, and even to physical punishment, they still manage to put him to sleep day and night, make him remove the toys lying around the house, and behave quietly at the table, obeying the general mode of life in family.

Since the problems began from birth, the family lives in a heavy anticipation of the pathology of the child's development. In addition, neuroleptics radically remove the problem of sleep. By the time he consulted a psychologist, his parents had already registered the boy with a neurologist and a psychiatrist.

What's happening. For people who have a strong choleric temperament, endurance, assertiveness, high physical tone, the need for physiological satisfaction, and high excitability are characteristic. Temperament is genetically determined. It cannot be fixed, but you can learn to deal with the problem side.

First: choleric people need additional physical activity, it is important for them to move as much as possible. If parents hold back, "hobble" the child, the need for movement grows rapidly, and the "relaxation" will become too bright.

Second: choleric people are expansive. They do not like obstacles and try to take up as much space as possible. That's why toys are scattered everywhere.

Third feature: dominance. The best conditions for choleric people are a hierarchy, which is built on the principle of "who is stronger, he is more important." The authority of the father is unshakable, and the rest of the family members are tried "weakly". We do not call for physical punishment, but sometimes you need to show strength by simply grasping a child tightly by the wrist, or breaking a stick in front of him, or making a threatening mine.

Children with a choleric temperament are sensitive to strong signals. Weak incentives, dull talk about the moral side of the issue, requests to regret, they do not take seriously. Those who are weaker than them, they do not obey. Choleric children need not so much rest as additional stress and stress. They are true marathon runners.

Hardened Sergey: too little love

Sergey is 11 years old, he is the youngest teenager. Dad and mom wanted him to grow up as an independent strong guy, so from the very beginning it was decided not to spoil the boy. Dad raised his son as a real man. It was assumed that the school would give education, and in the family they would temper character. Mom was completely supportive of dad.

Complaints of teachers that the boy behaves aggressively began to grow from class to class. But no one expected that he would start yelling at his mother, accusing her of greed. Skirmishes with his father were planned ahead. With these fears, Sergey's mother turned to a psychologist.

What's happening. Aggression is the last attempt to send a request for love to parents when there is not even pity. Three ways to get love back:

  • a manifestation of tenderness (the child caresses in the hope of a reciprocal affection);
  • whining and an attempt to beg for some warmth in the event that the parents forgot that the child needs to be hugged and caressed, or do not consider it necessary to show “veal tenderness”;
  • throwing fists, screaming, expressing strong emotions in the hope of getting at least some emotional response.

It is wrong to think that aggression is a way to draw attention to oneself, a whim of a child. Sometimes aggression is already a desperate cry for love, which children need more than adults. Cold formal relations between parents, when everything is done correctly, everyone is busy with housework and at the same time the principle of saving on everything, including emotions, dominates in the family, leads to the fact that the child does not receive the necessary reinforcement, his emotional “reservoir” is empty. The lack of love, acceptance, encouragement comes to the fore.

Not knowing how to get love (it is prescribed for girls to flatter and beg), boys are more likely to show aggression, primarily towards the closest people, from whom they are still waiting for an answer to the question: “Why does no one love me?”.

  1. In order to teach a child up to 4 years old to cope with strong emotions, classical psychology charges parents to show, using the example of dolls, animals, characters of fairy tales, cartoons, and other people, how unpleasant the one who gets angry and fights looks. In fairy tales, evil and aggression are personified by the Wolf, Karabas-Barabas, Koschey ...
  2. To teach a child to recognize emotions and manage them, we must name his states aloud and accept them: “I see you are angry!”, “Are you sad? I understand,” “I feel bad too.” The law here is simple: a positive emotion shared with others increases, and a negative one decreases.
  3. If you yourself fell into a rage, scolded the child or someone else with him, show how annoyed you are, apologize. The sooner you announce your mistake, the better. Children quickly learn from their parents the rules of behavior in the family and society.
  4. Children with an increased level of latent aggression are discharged through active physical games, exercises, and actions. As soon as the child starts doing strength sports, or going to the pool, or playing football, he will become reserved and considerate of others. The main rule of truly strong people: do not offend the weak, on the contrary, protect those who cannot stand up for themselves.
  5. There are several ways to switch the attention of a child in a state of aggression:
    • a strong signal that will puzzle the baby - it can be an alarm clock, the sound of the radio turned on at full volume, a short cry; at the table, you can knock with a spoon on a cup or on a plate;
    • unexpected action - turn off the light; lift the baby high up for a short while, and then lower it down; exit the room by closing the door;
    • a proposal to call some famous person, to whose name the child reacts unambiguously - with interest. Before the child realizes that this is a joke, he will calm down, and then laugh with you. Laughter will serve as a positive release of tension that the child could not cope with on his own.
    Knowledge of the physiology of excitation helps in education: in order to extinguish one focus of excitation, you need to create another.
  6. Children with strong-willed behavior skills (after 7 years old) can learn special techniques for managing emotions - just like adults. In a state of excitement, an adult can pinch his hand, clench his fists or an expander, grab a chair, raise his hands and take a deep breath, clap his hands loudly several times. Remember what helps you cope with yourself, and share this important secret with your child. Parents who confess small weaknesses become even closer to their children.
  7. If in a state of aggression a child offended someone or broke a toy, then the consequences will have to be eliminated - to apologize, to repair. When the child calms down, it is worth returning to what happened. Why did he do this? What has been achieved? How do those around you feel? Do other children want to be friends with the angry child? How can the situation be corrected? How can you prevent replay? The social and psychological consequences of bad deeds are always worse than the physical ones. People are more important and stronger than things. Relationships are harder to fix than broken toys.
  8. How to punish outbursts of aggression? Isolation and a ban on active outdoor games will further anger children with a strong temperament. They do not like to obey, they can hold a grudge or anger. A more effective way is additional housework.

Children, like adults, do not really like to clean, wash dishes, take out the trash, do laundry, but they understand the need to do such work. The punishment of routine but useful work will be perceived as fair and reasonable.

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Discussion

Hello! Thanks for the article, I found the answers to my questions! 😊

07/10/2018 11:47:19 PM, Love

Comment on the article "The child became aggressive. 6 reasons for aggressive behavior in children"

Child aggression! Upbringing. Child 7 to 10. Child aggression! Hi all! I have been reading for a long time, so I decided to register, maybe the collective mind will help you figure it out!

Discussion

After school, ask the children how it was. Don't try to suggest. Let them give their version. According to the discrepancy, the discrepancy is already then revealing questions. Seeing the manifestation of participation without aggression, I think they will sincerely tell. I think the teacher may well be a cowardly, embittered person. Try to find out who is the provocateur, the instigator. How it starts. But without an assessment of what happened. Just collect the facts.
We had a very capable girl in the garden, well, she knew very well how to incite someone, so that he would attack the ball, so that the owner would then begin to take away the designer and then the bike would be free for her to ride. I built such combinations, you wonder. I couldn’t leave for an hour, the child how to leave, so it clears up. Well, sit and watch. Your child may well be the tool of a sophisticated manipulator.

05/16/2018 04:14:36 ​​PM, Akela

It's hard for me to believe that the teacher would lie that your child shouted "I'll kill everyone." This is beyond reasonable. And most importantly, why is the teacher? I understand that the teacher could unfairly blame your son for the story with the pen, which was simply thrown at him and at that very moment the teacher entered. But to invent that the child shouted I will kill everyone - I do not believe it. Most likely, he really screamed. Perhaps out of desperation, because the teacher again unfairly accused him and the boy got angry. But still, he screamed it. A classmate just covered him, it happens with children. My son is in kindergarten, they can already protect each other there. Believe me, the teacher does not care who exactly threw the pen. Whom he spotted is the one to blame. That is, in the sense that the teacher found Vasya or Petya, the teacher doesn’t care, it’s unlikely that the teacher really wants your son to be accused. If the teacher did not understand the situation and blamed your son, then it is better to calmly talk to the teacher, tell him that in fact your son was not the instigator of throwing pens.
The problem is that children are really aggressive, and the mother never believes in it. She calls her son's closest friend, who confirms that there was nothing, and the mother, with renewed vigor, goes to protect the child. But in fact, this child bullies the whole class, organizes persecution, beats, spoils things and so on. It is imperative to respond to this. But it was to react, and not to tell the teacher, oh, you find fault, he could not do anything like that. Communicate with your son, pay more attention to him. Despite the baby. All the aggression of children comes from the family. Either from impunity and neglect, or from a lack of attention.

05/16/2018 13:24:29, pvpv

Aggression of a child at 2 years old to animals. Good afternoon parents. I ask you for help in such a difficult topic for me as a child’s aggression towards animals and an older brother.

Discussion

All four of mine bit. Explained, scolded - useless. I started biting back. The first time is not strong, then stronger. Didn't get it - even stronger. Helped.
Punished for a cat, spanked. She explained - you did this (a), and she is small, she cannot answer you. And I can stand up for the cat.

He does not have a developed emotional sphere, maybe temporarily, such as a delay, or maybe a personality defect, he will always be a cynical person. But if the intellect is normal, it will probably gain a base through the intellect, it will be "like everyone else." It will fit into society, into the family, learn the framework. Not immediately, he does not feel, it is more difficult for him. He really doesn't understand. We were helped by a system of timeouts, calculated by seconds, how many and what kind of violation of the rules. We apply it with success, the rules are violated very rarely, but you won’t bring up feelings on this, nothing grows, only self-control grows. But first of all, we need order and peace in the house. The rest is as it will be. I mean, these are two different tasks - obedience and lack of vandalism, and personal development, overcoming developmental delays. Both tasks are important.

aggression in class 1. You need to consult a psychologist. Child psychology. aggression in class 1. Teachers complain about the aggressive behavior of the child.

Discussion

You will probably be surprised, but quite recently, together with her mother, they taught her 11-year-old boy to swear and fight back. Believe me, it is much worse if the child does not find the strength to stand up for himself. I think that your child has completely adequate behavior for the period of adaptation. Discuss all such cases, let him say what he felt at the time of aggressive behavior. You can try to let one in the forest shout obscenities - shout them all and say goodbye to these words. Then introduce a ban on these words.

It's not always the child that's the problem. Maybe it’s accepted in the class, but yours is simply more striking than others. It is necessary to find out with other parents and with teachers.

aggression 8 years. ... I find it difficult to choose a section. Child psychology. +1, the child's behavior is caused by the dad's behavior. Do not compare children, your child does not have such a dad, and thank you ...

Discussion

Nothing can be done in such a situation, if the option of influencing the father through guardianship is not seriously considered. Limit your child's contact with this boy, that's the best you can.

There is not enough information for a clear, single answer. And to describe all the possible options is meaningless - there are too many of them.
But, really, you should consult a specialist. This, by the way, does not have to be a "family" psychologist. Both child psychologists and clinical psychologists work with child aggression.
The psychologist will talk to the mother and examine the child. Perhaps this is a classic case in which a child's aggressive behavior is associated with overly restrictive, cold, or cruel treatment by significant adults, and peer rejection. And perhaps these are the consequences of damage to the central nervous system or trauma.
In any case, let mom not neglect the opportunity to consult with specialists.
By the way, this is advice to all parents: if something bothers you in the behavior of your child, contact a psychologist. Moreover, as a rule, the first consultation is free!

And aggression in the child and at home is manifested, on any prohibition, absolutely any. My aggressiveness has decreased on the diet. But mine is not autistic, only autistic traits.

Discussion

In my absence, the discussion developed. I will try again to emphasize some points that I think are misunderstood. That's really really autistic autistic strife. We are very lucky - we have a wonderful mixture - and hyperactivity, and lack of speech, and not an excellent understanding of it (abstract things are beyond our understanding), and neurological problems too. Conducting conversations about good behavior is fruitless, to my great regret. Standing in the corner is a continuation of the game for him.. We have been working with ABA therapists for almost 3 years, yes, they are not certified, but, in my opinion, there are none in Russia. We are trying to translate his aggression into something else. When he gets angry in class that something doesn’t work out for him, you can slip him a ball so that he crushes it. Sometimes it works. BUT the situation there is a little different, he actually does it with pleasure and critical moments do not arise so often. They tried to voice the emotion, maybe he repeats, in principle, repeats, like - I'm angry. Well, he says this phrase, but the word doesn’t mean anything to him: (It doesn’t convey his feeling. As an adult and a person who controls his behavior, I sometimes have a desire to slam the door or bang a plate on the floor if they don’t really understand me. Well, this is a child who cannot convey his feelings and sensations to us in a different way .... He wants to show that he is dissatisfied, but he has no other ways ... I didn’t seem to write anywhere that I’m putting him on antipsychotics from tomorrow and I don’t plan to do anything else ... moreover, I’m NOT going to put him in the hospital. I have the experience of being in a hospital with a mentally healthy, but small child, for one day, while I was collecting tests - it was a depressing sight. I won’t give this child away , the cons for me outweigh all the pros. I'm wondering if someone had an experience of using some drugs that I don't know about yet, which would smooth out the "violence of the manifestation of feelings" a little. After all, I still change some situations I can not..

I have an autistic child, 6 years old, we also issue disability through the 6th hospital. I was there in July-August, in the 2nd department. Honestly, I didn't see anything terrible in the hospital. Very good teachers, they try to talk to children as best they can. Tima began to read poetry after the hospital - before that I had not heard from him, to repeat movements, and, most importantly: he really wants to go to the garden. Everyone asks when he's leaving. The previous attempt to go to the garden was very unsuccessful. In general, this department - I don’t know about others - looks like a very good kindergarten. I have never seen children treated like this.
As for the drug load - I did not notice the difference. Neither for the worse, nor for the better. The effect of the drugs is noticeable after a long time.
I do not regret that I put the child. He noticed the children there, now he is trying to "make contact".
Another positive side, very important for us - he began to sleep there by the clock. It is so convenient when at 9 the child is already sleeping in bed, before he hung around the house until 12.
The only thing is that my child is quite calm, he rarely beats and not strongly, and aggressive ones who cannot with other children are put in the "observer", alone. It's probably not great.

Children with special needs, disability, care, rehabilitation, doctor, hospital aggression. I have Vasik for almost 7 years, an autistic ... we live together, I work a day / three at home, at this time with him ...

Discussion

Aggression, in my opinion, is such a stage of development, in general, necessary for an autistic person: (In our country, aggression is clearly connected with school - and it is precisely when he begins to get especially smart :) and sociality develops - then aggression develops. That is, according to my observations, this is a desire !!! contact, but the inability to make this contact.
How to survive such a period? Probably looking for a reason. What else? For us personally, such a reason as jealousy is unlikely. Not that he has an attitude to life :) Many of our sins are not clear to him at all :), for example, greed, cowardice ...
We have in the first place among the reasons - a violation of traditions, I mean his autistic ones, well, and also a diet :)
That is, the scheme is approximately the same as ours. There is some kind of violation of the usual way of life, but where can you go in life without it. And there is a desire to bring someone closer. One is superimposed on the other, and aggression is obtained.
If a violation of his rules of life occurs in a calm period, then he simply goes into himself with pleasure :) Or if there are no violations of the usual (everything is in order with a sense of protection), and suddenly he wants to make friends with someone, then he just does all sorts of stupid things - can hug a stranger tightly, or, for example, give a slightly eaten ice cream :)
And when aggression is still going on, probably the main thing is not to be afraid. If he feels that there is someone who can lead him, it will be easier for him to cope. In my opinion, we have progress here, tf.tf.tf. Although he can twirl in his hands not only a fork. We were here the other day in the camp, so he played with an ax like a pencil. Well, the person just forgot, thought :) And he likes to turn something in his hands.
I think I have already said here that I have developed such a peculiar mushroom picking instinct over the years. I’m doing something, and my eyes are looking around by themselves. Subconsciously I observe any sharp, dangerous and other things - I calculate the trajectory - the probabilities - I select - I put them in their place. In principle, this is only necessary during the growth period. But really ... My husband is still surprised, I’m talking about something, I suddenly jump up, run somewhere, come, and as if nothing had happened, I continue to talk :)
In general, it is better not to think about nightmares. There are a lot of nightmares in life, thinking about everyone, there’s not enough head: (It’s better to fly on autopilot. I wish everything was fine with you. Hold on.

xenia * Vasya, my acquaintances with an autistic child get out of the situation as follows: playing the situation with an "evil tiger": a child on all fours slowly sneaks like a Tiger and at the moment of an outburst of emotion stretches his "front paws" along the carpet, "spreads his claws" (fingers very tense) and emits a loud growl of "rrrrr!". did not immediately come to this, but now it helps after an emotional shake-up. This exercise is also used in psychomotor correction.

aggression in a sick child. Whims and tantrums. Child psychology. If a sick child tries to kick books off the bed with his feet or beat someone, how do you react?

Aggressive behavior is one of the most common disorders among children. Aggressiveness is a personality trait that is expressed in readiness for aggression.

Discussion

And if peers for one reason or another do not recognize the child, and even worse - reject him, then aggressiveness, stimulated by resentment, infringed pride, will be directed at the offender, at the one or those whom the child considers the cause of his plight. This situation can be aggravated by labeling “bad, fighter, rude”, etc. by an adult.

Another reason for the appearance of aggressiveness in a preschooler may be a feeling of anxiety and fear of attack. It is stimulated by the fact that the child, most likely, was repeatedly subjected to physical punishment, humiliation, insults. In this case, first of all, it is necessary to talk with the parents, explain to them the possible causes and consequences of such behavior. In extreme cases, taking care of the well-being of the child, you can, together with the administration of the preschool educational institution, apply to the child protection authorities with a complaint about the actions of the parents.

Sometimes aggressiveness is a way to attract the attention of others, the reason for it is an unsatisfied need for communication and love.

Aggressiveness can also act as a form of protest against the restriction of some natural desires and needs of the child, for example, the need for movement, for vigorous activity. Teachers who do not want to take into account the child's natural need for movement do not know that preschool children cannot do one thing for a long time, that activity is physiologically inherent in them. They try artificially and completely unnaturally to extinguish the activity of children, to force them to sit and stand against their will. Such actions of an adult are like twisting a spring; the more you press on it, the greater the speed of its return to its previous state. They often cause, if not direct, then indirect aggression: damage and tearing of books, breakage of toys, i.e., the child in his own way “acts out” on harmless objects for the shortsightedness and illiteracy of an adult.

Thus, the first step of a psychologist in working with an aggressive child should be to find out the possible reasons for his behavior. It is necessary to try to collect as much information as possible about the child's behavior in the preschool group, at home, in public places.

Corrective work with a child should be carried out in parallel with work with adults, those around him, parents and teachers. Depending on the identified reasons, in working with adults it is necessary to make several accents:

Changing a negative attitude towards a child to a positive one;

Changing the style of interaction with children;

Expansion of the behavioral repertoire of parents and teachers through the development of their communication skills.

Regardless! From the cause of the aggressive behavior of the child, there is a general strategy of others in relation to him.

1. If possible, restrain the aggressive impulses of the child immediately before their manifestation, stop the hand raised to strike, shout the child.

2. Show the child the unacceptability of aggressive behavior, physical or verbal aggression towards inanimate objects, and even more so people. Condemnation of such behavior, demonstration of its disadvantageousness to the child, in some cases, act quite effectively.
3. Establish a clear ban on aggressive behavior, systematically remind about it.

4. Provide children with alternative ways of interaction based on the development of empathy and empathy in them.

5. Teach counseling ways to express anger as a natural human emotion.

The tasks of psycho-correctional work with aggressive children can be:

a) the development of the ability to understand the state of another person;

b) development of the ability to express their emotions in a socially acceptable form;

c) learning autorelaxation;

d) learning how to relieve stress;

e) development of communication skills;

f) formation of positive self-perception on the basis of personal achievements.

It is important for children to give vent to their aggressiveness. You can offer them:

Fight with a pillow;

Use physical strength exercises;

tear paper;

Draw someone you want to beat and do something with this drawing;

Use "Scream Pouch";

Beat the table with an inflatable hammer, etc.
Ovcharova R.V. proposes to use in order to correct the aggressive behavior of children:

Psychogymnastics classes;

Etudes and games to develop the skill of regulating behavior in a team;

Etudes and games of relaxation orientation;

Games and exercises to develop children's awareness of negative character traits;

Games and exercises for the development of a positive behavior model.

In work with preschool children, and especially with aggressive children, the use of isotherapy elements shows high efficiency. Children like to play with water and clay. With them, you need to use different ways of drawing: fingers, palms, feet.
12/15/2005 05:43:27 PM, Ilaria

Aggression at 4.5 years old - what to do?. Whims and tantrums. Child psychology. Aggression at 4.5 years old - what to do? A 4.5-year-old boy, who has been an absolute angel all his life, began to show ...

Discussion

Aggression can be defeated only by affection and attention. More specifically, when communicating, try to find out the reasons for such actions, without giving them a bad assessment, otherwise the child will either shut up or protest further and eliminate the causes of aggression, and not the consequence.
For example, in the case of toys, the child clearly did not want to clean the room, and besides, he may not have wanted your guests to come at all, and as a result, a protest. It would be possible, firstly, to clean up the toys with him, and secondly, to interest him in the fact that at the end of the cleaning, when the guests come, he will watch an interesting cartoon. Of course, the situation is not completely clear, but still the surest way is not to accuse the child of aggression, but to try to understand why it suddenly began to be intensively manifested in the former angel. It's just that kids don't misbehave. Child misbehavior is often the result of parental misbehavior. For example, in such situations, it helps me to analyze my own behavior: what and how I am doing wrong. Try to figure it out: maybe you demand a lot from him (and he is only 4.5 years old), maybe the child is very bored and jealous of you every time guests come, maybe you pay too little attention to him or often invite guests?

Children's aggression

As a primary education teacher, I had to deal with child aggression before. Today, we increasingly meet children's aggression, even in elementary grades. The age of children's aggression is clearly younger.
In almost every class there are cocky and pugnacious guys who constantly attack classmates, insult them, and be rude to adults. Such aggression often comes from the family. Family troubles, drinking fathers, busy mothers. After all, aggression is a reflection of the internal problems of the child, which most often arise due to the cruelty and indifference of adults.
If we analyze the reasons for the manifestation of negative emotions and feelings of children, then they are primarily associated with the family environment, with family education. Constant quarrels of parents, physical abuse of parents over each other, rudeness of daily communication, humiliation, sarcasm and irony, the desire to see the bad in each other and emphasize it, this is the daily school of aggression in which the child is formed and receives lessons in survival.
The reasons that provoke aggressive behavior in children have a very real basis. And the knowledge of these reasons by parents is important in order to be able to cope with the manifestations of this aggression. The most common familial causes of childhood aggression are:
- Rejection of children by parents.
This aggression is not limited to children. Statistics confirm that attacks of aggressiveness are manifested in adults who do not want children. Although the parents do not tell the child that they did not expect him, did not want to, but he feels it by their behavior, gestures, intonation. Such children are trying in every way to prove that they have the right to exist, that they are good and are trying to win the right to be loved.
- Indifference or hostility on the part of parents.
Children are very hard to experience if their parents are indifferent, and sometimes even hostile towards them. Indifference of emotional ties in the family. Increased aggression of the child may be the result of the destruction of positive emotional ties both between parents and the child, and between the parents themselves. If frequent quarrels arise between parents, then the life of a child in such a family becomes a real test. Especially dangerous is the situation where parents use it as an argument in a dispute between themselves. The child lives in constant tension, suffering from conflicts between the people closest to him, either becomes callous in soul, or grows up as an excellent manipulator, believing that the whole world owes him something. Disrespect for the personality of the child, incorrect and tactless criticism, insulting and humiliating remarks about the child cause him to lack confidence in himself and his abilities, give rise to deep and serious complexes and can induce outright rage.
- Excess or lack of attention from parents.
If a child is given excessive attention (parents try to anticipate his every desire), then he grows up spoiled and capricious. And if his next whim is not fulfilled, then in response they receive an outbreak of aggression.
Cause of aggression may serve as a lack of attention from parents, their employment (let it be better to scold, reprimand than not notice).
If we do not pay attention to the suffering of children, their mental pain, then the child gets the impression that adults cannot understand and help him, and he is overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness, insecurity and helplessness. As a result, inadequate aggressive reactions appear.
- Excessive control or its complete absence.
Excessive control over the child's behavior (hyper-custody) as well as its complete absence (hypo-custody) are very harmful for the child. If powerful parents try to control their children in everything, to suppress their will, this causes them a feeling of oppression, fear. In this case, by aggressive behavior, the child protests against the existing state of affairs, constant prohibitions.
- Ban on physical activity.
Often, outbursts of a child's aggressive behavior are the result of adults' attitudes or prohibitions. Aggression in this case is due to the accumulated excess of energy, which, as you know, does not tend to disappear without a trace.
- Guilt.
Increased aggressiveness can be shown by children with a heightened sense of conscience, because they experience a sense of guilt and shame in relation to those who have been offended.
- Poor health, overwork.
Most often, children behave aggressively if they do not get enough sleep, feel bad, or are offended by someone or something.
- The influence of food.
The relationship between increased anxiety, nervousness, aggressiveness and chocolate has been proven.
The increased aggressiveness of children is also caused by factors such as increased noise levels, vibrations, tightness, and air temperature.
Increased aggressiveness can be due to biological, sexual, psychological and social reasons. Children, like a sponge, absorb “family attitudes”. It is for this reason that the fact of aggressive behavior of children caused by racial prejudice and hostility is disturbing.
In fact, the most important reason for the aggressive behavior of children is indifference to the emotional world of the child. That is why they take up arms against the whole world, their parents and themselves.
Communication between the child and parents is very important. Experts believe that aggressive behavior is a kind of child's cry for help, a request for attention to his inner world, in which too much destructive has accumulated. Throwing it out, he thus fights for his psychological survival.
Aggressiveness of the child is manifested if:
- the child is beaten,
- the child is bullied
- play a cruel joke on a child,
- the child is forced to feel a sense of undeserved shame,
- Parents are lying
- parents drink and make scandals,
- parents raise their child with double morality,
- parents are undemanding and non-authoritative for their child,
- Parents do not know how to love their children equally,
parents do not trust their child
- Parents turn their children against each other
- the entrance to the house is closed for friends,
- parents live their own lives, separate from the life of the child,
The child feels that he is not loved.

Prevention of child aggression.

The child grows rapidly, striking his parents with his new behavior. Until recently, he smiled sweetly at the whole world and people, and now he is ready to cry, act up and get into a fight. If parents are unprepared for the fact that negative qualities begin to appear in their baby, then they find themselves in a dead end: “Where does the child come from? How to deal with aggression? When parents become witnesses to the fact that children show aggression with all its inherent signs and causes, the question arises of treating babies from this quality.

Aggression in children

The childhood years are the initial stage when babies begin to copy their parents and friends, trying new behaviors. Aggression in children is a kind of behavior pattern that is fixed for many years if they achieve their goals. For example, if a child wanted to get someone else's toy and he managed to do this by showing aggression, then he will have an association: aggression is good, it helps to achieve what you want.

All children try aggressive behavior as a pattern of behavior. However, in the future, aggressiveness in some children becomes a quality of character that they constantly show, while in others it is only a reaction to the cruelty of the world around them. Usually aggression in children is a form of expressing their indignation at factors that arise in the world around them. A child can either verbally express his emotions, or at the level of actions (cry, fight, etc.).

In almost every team there is an aggressive child. He will bully, get into fights, call names, kick and provoke other kids in other ways. The first signs of aggression in children appear even in infancy, when the child is weaned. It is during the period when the child does not feel protected and needed that he begins to worry.

The aggression of many children is an attempt to attract the attention of parents who pay little or no attention. “No one needs me,” and the child begins to try various behaviors that will help him get attention. Cruelty and defiance often help him in this. He notices that his parents begin to communicate with him, twitch, worry. Once this behavior helps, it begins to take hold for life.

Cause of aggression in children

Like any person, there are unique reasons for aggression in children. One child may be bothered by "cold parents", and the second - the inability to have the desired toys. There are enough reasons for aggression in a child to single out a whole list of them:

  1. Somatic diseases, disruption of the brain.
  2. Conflict relations with parents who do not pay attention, are not interested in the child, do not spend time with him.
  3. Copying behavior patterns of parents who are themselves aggressive both at home and in society.
  4. The indifferent attitude of parents to what is happening in the life of the child.
  5. Emotional attachment to one parent, where the second acts as an object of aggression.
  6. Low self-esteem, the inability of the child to manage their own experiences.
  7. Inconsistency of parents in education, different approaches.
  8. Insufficient development of the intellect.
  9. Lack of skills to build relationships with people.
  10. Copying the behavior of characters from computer games or watching violence from TV screens.
  11. Parental abuse towards a child.

Here we can recall cases of jealousy that arise in families where the baby is not the only child. When parents love another child more, praise him more, pay attention, then this causes resentment. A child who feels unwanted often becomes aggressive. His objects of aggression are animals, other children, sisters, brothers and even parents.

The nature of the punishment that parents apply when the child is guilty also becomes important. Aggression provokes aggression: if a child is beaten, humiliated, criticized, then he himself begins to become like that. Indulgence or severity as methods of punishment always lead to the development of aggressiveness.

Where does the child's aggression come from?

The psychotherapeutic help website notes that children's aggressiveness has many causes. There can be both family problems, lack of what is desired, experimentation of one's behavior, deprivation of something valuable, and somatic disorders. Children always copy the behavior of their parents. Often, adults should look at how they behave in the presence of children in order to understand where the aggression manifested itself in the child.

The first manifestations of aggression may be bites that are committed by a 2-year-old baby. This is a way to show your strength, to establish your power, to show who is in charge here. Sometimes the child simply looks at the reaction of the world around him through the manifestation of this or that behavior. If the mother shows aggression, then the baby simply copies it.

At the age of 3, aggressiveness is manifested due to the desire to have a beautiful toy. Children begin to push, spit, break toys, hysteria. The desire of parents to make the child calm down is unfortunate. The next time the kid will just increase his aggression.

4-year-olds become calmer, but their aggressiveness begins to manifest itself in games where you need to defend your point of view. A child at this age does not accept someone else's opinion, does not tolerate intrusion on his territory, does not know how to sympathize and understand the desires of others.

At the age of 5, boys begin to try their hand at physical aggression, and girls at verbal aggression. The boys begin to fight, and the girls give nicknames, mock.

It is at the age of 6-7 that children learn to control their emotions a little. This is not manifested in a wise approach to business, but simply in hiding one's feelings. Being aggressive, they can take revenge, tease, fight. This is facilitated by feelings of abandonment, lack of love and antisocial environment.

Signs of aggression in children

Only a child can feel their emotions. He is not always able to realize them and understand the reasons. This is why parents notice too late that something is wrong with their child. Usually signs of aggression in children are their actions that they commit:

  • Name-calling.
  • Take away toys.
  • Beat peers.
  • Revenge.
  • They don't admit their mistakes.
  • Refuse to follow the rules.
  • They get angry.
  • They spit.
  • They pinch.
  • They swing at others.
  • Use offensive words.
  • Hysteria, often for show.

If parents use the method of suppression in raising a child, then the child simply begins to hide his feelings. However, they don't go anywhere.

The frustration and helplessness of the child makes him look for any ways to cope with the problem. If the parents at the same time do not understand the feelings of the child, then by their measures they only aggravate the behavior of the baby. This is even more depressing for a child who did not want what his parents did. When there is no sincerity and manifestation of care on the part of parents, then the child begins to turn out on them or on other children.

It all starts with the fact that the child tries hysterical forms of aggression: protest, screaming, crying, etc. When toys are beating and breaking, the child thus splashes out his indignation.

After this period, there comes a moment when the child begins to try his verbal skills. It uses words that he heard from his parents, from TV or from other children. “Verbal skirmish”, where only a child should win, is a frequent way of displaying aggression.

The older the baby, the more he begins to combine physical strength and verbal attacks. The method that he does best helps in achieving the goal, he uses and improves.

Treatment of aggression in children

One should not hope that various methods for treating aggression in children will completely eliminate this quality. It should be understood that the cruelty of the world will always cause aggressive emotions in any healthy person. When a person is forced to defend himself, then aggression becomes useful. “Turning the other cheek” when you are humiliated or beaten becomes the way to a hospital bed.

Thus, when treating aggression in children, remember that you are helping the child deal with his inner problems, not with the removal of his emotion. Your task is to keep aggression as an emotion, but to eliminate it as a character trait. In this case, parents take an active part. If their upbringing measures further aggravate the situation, then the methods of treatment used by psychologists become more complex and lengthy.

You should not rely on the fact that with age the child will become kinder. If you miss the moment of the emergence of aggression, this can lead to the formation of this phenomenon as a quality of character.

The most effective way to eliminate aggression is to correct the problem that the child is resenting. If the baby is just naughty, then you should not respond to his tantrum. If we are talking about a lack of attention, love, general leisure, then you should change your relationship with the child. Until the cause of aggression is eliminated, it will not disappear by itself. Any attempts to persuade the child to no longer be angry will only lead to the fact that he will simply learn to hide his own feelings, but aggression will not disappear anywhere.

At the moment when the child shows aggression, it is necessary to deal with the factors that cause it. What triggers trigger the aggressiveness mechanism? Parents often cause anger and resentment in the child with their actions. Changing the behavior of parents entails changes in the actions of the child.

How to deal with aggression?

Often the cause of aggression in children is not established relationships with parents. Thus, to cope with aggression is possible only by correcting the behavior of both parents and children. Here are exercises that the child performs on his own or with his parents. Role-playing games, where the child and parents change places, become a good exercise. The kid has the opportunity to show how parents behave towards him. Scenes are also played out here when the child behaves badly, and parents learn to contact him correctly.

Parents do not hurt to study the literature or consult a family psychologist, where they can get information on how to properly respond to a child's aggression, how to educate him, and in what ways to pacify his anger.

The behavior of the parents themselves becomes important not only in relation to the child, but also to other people. If they themselves show aggression, then it becomes clear why their child is aggressive.

Both parents should have similar parenting approaches. They must be consistent and unified. When one parent allows everything and the other forbids everything, this allows the child to love one and hate the other. Parents should consider the measures and principles of their upbringing so that the child understands what is normal and correct.

The following methods are also used here:

  • Pillow beat.
  • Switching attention to another activity.
  • A drawing of one's own aggression that can be torn apart.
  • Exclusion by parents for their part of intimidation, offensive words at the time of the child's aggression, blackmail.
  • Maintaining a nutritious diet.
  • Sport.
  • Performing relaxation exercises.

Parents should spend more time with their children, be interested in their thoughts and experiences. It also helps to exclude aggressive computer games from entertainment and watching violent programs and films. If the parents are divorced, then the child should not feel it. His communication should take place calmly with both mother and father.

Outcome

Aggression cannot be completely excluded from human life, but it can be learned to understand and control. It is good when aggression is a reaction, and not a quality of character. The result of upbringing, when parents are engaged in the elimination of aggressiveness in their children, is independence and a strong personality.

The prognosis in the absence of attempts by parents to help the child control his rage can be disappointing. First, when a child reaches adolescence, he may find bad friends. They all show up. Only children who can control their aggression soon leave the "bad company" themselves.

Secondly, the child will be confused. He does not know how to understand his feelings, assess the situation, control his actions. Such behavior can result in prison or death. Either the child will become a criminal when he grows up, or he will be in a situation where he will be maimed or killed by other aggressive people.

The border of what is permitted is erased in a person who does not learn to control his emotions. This is often seen in criminals. As a result of the lack of education to eliminate aggression, emotions are consolidated and shaped into a quality of character. As you know, no one likes evil people. Only the same aggressive people can surround someone who is angry at the world. Is this the future parents want for their child?

Aggressive child often. He is either afraid to be alone, or he understands that he cannot interest anyone, make him fall in love with him. All people want to be accepted. This is what a child wants, who simply does not yet understand that aggression only pushes people away from him even more. If parents do not reach out to a child who shows anger, then he may think about what else to do so that his parents love him again.