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Is love really a science. Does love exist

Love is a very interesting word. We say it quite often. "I love chocolate". "I don't like oatmeal." "I love Sasha". "I love mother". "I do not like rain". But if we are asked what is “love”, “love”, we can hardly give a quick and clear answer. And for sure, different people will give very different answers. Perhaps you have never thought about this topic. “What is there to think? Don't I know what love is? "

On the one hand, you are right. Love is inherent in all of us, love is the natural state of man. On the other hand, the average modern man has gone so far from his natural state that there is little love left in him. And the word "love" has survived in the language. So they call them any affection.

However, this is not only a problem of modern man. There have always been delusions. Remember the story of Romeo and Juliet? In ancient times, this story was composed, but even then the author called the relationship of the heroes love. But was there really love in the relationship between Romeo and Juliet?

Alas, art has the ability to convincingly present a lie as truth. Trusting the beauty of art, we unwittingly trust the thoughts of the author. And the author does not have to be a sage and know-it-all. For us to remember him after centuries, he must be a brilliant artist, nothing more. How many artists of all times and peoples mislead us, poeticizing their delusions of youth!

The geniuses of ancient times are echoed by modern "pop" of all genres, which will be forgotten faster than mud puddles dry up in sunny weather. But we trust this foam too. And how not to believe if everyone is singing the same thing?

Let's dispel this romantic fog and talk about love soberly and seriously.

What is love

Love belongs to the realm of the immaterial, to the spiritual area of ​​our life. And the spiritual is cognizable by us only partially. No one can say that they know everything about love. But, nevertheless, many properties of love are known, some patterns of its strengthening and disappearance. And knowledge of these separate qualities of love is a great value for the person who wants to love and be loved.

What love is not

Let's start by looking at those qualities or definitions that are unfairly attributed to love.

"Love is just a side effect of sex drive."

This misconception does not deserve even a detailed examination. Its fallacy is obvious already from the fact that there is love between parents and children, love between friends, and people with an undeveloped or extinct sexual sphere are also capable of loving. Love can be directed towards objects, sexual interaction with which is impossible. Our condolences to those who think so.

"Love is a feeling."

Certain feelings are just one of the qualities of love. It is more correct to say that love is a state.

When a person is in a state of love, he is in this state entirely, and his whole life changes. He has more love for all people. New talents are awakening in him or previously discovered ones are flourishing. He has more vitality.

If there are only feelings, but all these changes are not there, then this is not love.

"Love is passion." "Love is torment." "Love is pain". "Love is a disease."

This is the most common mistake, so let's take a closer look at it.

The root of this mistake is in our childhood. Unfortunately, almost all of us are disliked children. Very few can boast that their parental family was perfect. That mom and dad were each other's first and last. That they were always together and truly loved each other and us children, giving us the necessary completeness of their time and their love.

And if we have received at least a little less, then, without realizing it, we are trying to compensate for this in a love relationship. That is, to compensate with the love of other people for us for the love that was not received from our parents. If in love a person strives more to give, to think and take care of the happiness of a loved one, then in passion a person is engaged in vampirism. In passion, we tensely control how they treat us, whether they give everything to us, whether someone else is not allowed into the heart. Passion is characterized by jealousy, imaginary sacrifice (or salvation), when we are ready to do a lot for a person, but in exchange we demand his soul, completely depriving him of freedom. Passion is selfishness, and selfishness is the opposite of love.

And who likes that he is being imprisoned, jealous, demanded, pulled all the juices?

Therefore, a passionate relationship is always painful. Where there is passion, there is torment, pain, and illness.

The saddest thing is that all the hopes of a passionate person in love are initially doomed. With the help of other people, parental love cannot be compensated. Everything falls through like a leaky vessel. The hole needs to be repaired first ...

Great dislike in childhood leads to intense passion, which psychologists call addiction. The expression of this passion can be not only love addiction, but also drug, alcohol, gambling, etc. These are diseases. And, unfortunately, they are very common. There are many more dependent people than people who truly love. Therefore, the voice of addicts is louder. Their lies about love are more widespread than the truth of those who know how to love.

Romeo and Juliet also suffered from love addiction. This can be judged by their gloomy end. Love does not torment or kill. Love is a creative state. The lover is already happy that there is a loved one, that he is alive and well, that there is love. And addiction requires possession. Addiction torments and often leads a person to thoughts of suicide. However, in the work of Shakespeare, it is enough said about the dislike of these unfortunate young people by the parents. Therefore, the whole picture of the disease is obvious - from the beginning to the end.

"Everyone can love."

Rain falls from time to time on everyone, but the water is retained only in the whole vessel. From a leaky one, it quickly flows out. Therefore, only spiritually whole, adults are capable of love. To gain the ability to love, you need to grow up, overcome your addictions and passions.

"There is love at first sight."

There is love at first sight. But the path from falling in love to love is long and difficult. According to the observations of psychologists, true love comes on average 15 years after the start of family life.

"Sex does not interfere with love, but rather even helps."

People are constantly looking for excuses for their weaknesses. “The fact that I often eat sweets has nothing to do with the fact that I have an extra 15 kg of weight. I just had no luck with my figure. " “The fact that I allowed intimate relationships with men has nothing to do with the fact that I still cannot create a normal family. I just have no luck in my personal life. "

In fact, it is connected. The fact that for several millennia of human history, women who lost their virginity were not married was not some kind of taboo taken from the ceiling. People knew for sure that family life with such a woman would differ in quality from life with the one that was taken as a virgin wife. Such love will not work with her, such a family will not work.

There are psychological explanations for this phenomenon. It is said that a woman will remember previous men. They say that, having shown weakness before marriage, she can show it in marriage, that is, change.

But there is something on the spiritual level as well. Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is not a purely physiological process. It touches in some way and spiritual structures, forming invisible connections between people.

Many women remember that their first man was very important in their life. If it was a relationship of love, and virginity was lost, then parting was very difficult for them. If there was no sexual intercourse, the separation was much easier. This means that intimacy has formed an invisible but strong bond between them.

It's great if this strong connection is with the person with whom you want to live your whole life - with your husband. And if not? With the second man, the connection is already weaker, with the third - even weaker. What kind of connection do you have with your husband? 3rd or 10th?

If Bulgakov's words about sturgeon, that it is only the first grade and no one else, are true, then about the relationship of love - even more so. And our ancestors agreed only to the first grade. And we, imagining ourselves as gourmets and subtle connoisseurs of various benefits and conveniences that civilization gives us, in the most important thing, we often eat just garbage.

Of course, all that has been said applies to men as well. Indeed, at the second end of the invisible thread emanating from a woman is a man. Therefore, a man is no less responsible for maintaining his purity than a woman.

What happens? The husband has past intimate relationships with several women. These women are still associated with someone. The wife is also related to several men. And they are not the last in the chain. It turns out that we do not have families, but some kind of perverted super-Swedish families. In them we are invisibly united with people, some of whom we may not even shake hands with ...

There is no scientific explanation for this phenomenon. But the fact remains, and everyone can see confirmation of it in his life: with each new intimate relationship, we waste something in our soul, and it becomes more and more difficult for us to love. Each new love (accompanied by sex outside of marriage) is lower grade compared to the first love. Passions can grow at the same time, but passion will not replace love for us ...

The path to love is not through sex, but through friendship. The reason that people are in a hurry to get closer physiologically, psychologists call their inability to get closer spiritually. People, especially young people, have not learned to communicate and talk. They know how to get closer only in the most primitive way. But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship is not much different from masturbation ...

I understand that most of those reading this article are no longer virgins. Cheer up! Fortunately, spiritual trauma is curable - by spiritual means. Although, like bodily treatment, such treatment takes time and labor. The integrity of the soul can be restored, the invisible ties broken.

The path to healing is repentance. It is necessary to stop repeating old mistakes and repent. The amount of labor is proportional to the number of crimes committed against your soul. I don’t know if complete healing is possible without such sacraments of the Orthodox Church as confession and communion. With them - it is definitely possible.

What love really is

"The lover seeks to give, not receive."

If a passionate, dependent person has nothing but a hole in his spiritual body, and therefore is a consumer, then the lover has a source of warmth and light in himself. And the one who has a source of light in him cannot but shine.

The sacrifice of a loving person, in contrast to the false, selfish sacrifice of the addict, is sincere. The lover does not count what he has given, and does not bill his beloved. It is important for him that the beloved is happy in the highest sense of the word. His joy is to please his beloved.

"Love does not restrict freedom."

Being independent, self-sufficient (he does not need anything from his beloved), the lover is free himself and does not seek to limit the freedom of the beloved. His sun is with him in any case, so no matter what the beloved does, his "sun" remains with the lover.

Of course, the lover strives to be with the beloved, but not to such an extent as to violate the freedom of the loved one.

"Love is the pinnacle of virtues."

Love is the highest of the good qualities of a person. Perfect love includes all virtues. If a person retains at least one vice, his love can no longer be perfect.

Here is how the Apostle Paul lists the good properties of love: “Love is longsuffering, merciful, love does not envy, love is not exalted, is not proud, does not rage, does not seek its own, does not get irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; Covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never fails ”(1 Cor. 13: 4-8).

Why is love not compatible with evil? Because if there is something evil, this evil will manifest itself in relationships with those we seek to love. Let's say a husband loves his wife. But he is not free from such a vice as envy. And it will happen that his wife will achieve great success in the professional field. And in some social circle she will be given more respect than her husband. Because of his envy, the husband will resent his wife, harbor resentment. His love will be damaged because it is imperfect.

If there are several vices? Love is doomed ...

Imagine the person described by the apostle Paul. He is patient, merciful, not envious, not selfish, not selfish, always calm, does not suspect others of something bad, does not gloat, covers others' mistakes with silence or a kind word, trusts and hopes in others, endures all difficulties. Agree, you can live with such a person. And as with a friend, and as a spouse, and as a father or mother. It is good with such a person, his love is reliable. It is impossible to quarrel with him! And it is easy for us to love him - with friendly, conjugal or filial love.

"Love is a gift from God."

Our understanding of love will be flawed if we confine ourselves to the idea that love is within us, and do not think about where it comes from, where it came from at all. After all, the data of modern science refute the possibility of spontaneous generation of a living cell from nothing. They also refute the possibility of the appearance of man in an evolutionary way uncontrollable from the outside (the universe does not yet exist as long as it would take for this, according to the theory of probability). And even more so, there is no reason to believe that such a miracle as love appeared by itself, as a result of accidents at the micro or macro biological level.

The only theory of the origin of love, known to mankind, is that love is given to us from God. Through His love and endless creative power, we were created by Him. Out of love for us, in order to save us, He sent His Son to us to preach and heal our sins of suffering. The properties of love that we know and which we have listed above are fully consistent with the properties of God. God loves us unselfishly. He does not need anything from us, except for us to be happy. He does not depend on us in any way. He shines for all of us, both evil and good, giving us all the blessings of the earth. He is merciful, easily forgives us. He gave us a complete, even terrible degree of freedom.

And He gives us love for another person. What is love? Perhaps this is a look at another person through the eyes of God. Under the external filth and tinsel, God sees in us an immortal, beautiful soul. He sees not only how bad we live, but also how beautiful we are in certain moments of life and could always be. Mutual love is when God opens the eyes of two people to each other. He kind of sits us on his knees opposite each other, hugs and says: "Look, children, that's what you really are!"

It is no coincidence that in mutual love a person who loves us helps to reveal our talents and good qualities: after all, he sees all the good that is in us, almost as clearly as God Himself.

And holy people love everyone. This means that, being in God, they see with the eyes of God all people. And that's why they love us so much that even we ourselves find it strange how it is possible to love us so. After all, it would seem that we ourselves know what we are. And for some reason God values ​​the soul of each person more dearly than the entire universe!

"Love is almost always mutual."

Since love is given by God, who wants us to be happy, it is not surprising that true love is almost always mutual. In rare cases, non-reciprocal love can be given to a person to solve important creative problems, to comprehend some truths.

In most cases of "unrequited love" we are dealing not with love, but with passions.

Does love depend on us

I have highlighted this question because it is the most practical of all questions related to love.

If we accept the truth that love is the pinnacle of virtues, we will have to abandon the myth that love is like good weather; it comes on its own, leaves on its own, regardless of our desire. This myth is invented in order to absolve oneself of responsibility for the murder of love. After all, we are able to heal from vices and acquire virtues. If we don't, we kill love. Love cannot stand our evil. In irritation from our passions, we jump off the knees of God (after all, He gave us complete freedom, does not hold us by strength from Himself) and stop seeing each other through His eyes. And we now see each other's shortcomings as clearly as possible after close communication! ..

What are we focused on in our life at the moment when falling in love comes to us? On a career, pleasure, making money, on creativity, on some success, on fluttering in the networks of some kind of addiction.

This means that we are almost never worthy of the love that we receive for free. After all, everything that we are concerned about does not lead us to virtues, and therefore does not bring us closer to love.

I am deeply amazed when I think about the faith of God in us, His patience and love, which prompts Him to give us the spark of His love again and again. After all, He knows how we will dispose of this love in most cases.

How should we, in theory, relate to this gift of love, which "accidentally appeared"? Realizing that love is the most beautiful and valuable in our life, we should immediately reconsider the priorities of our activities. When a child is born, much in the life of a parent is pushed aside, giving way to caring for him. So it is with love. When love has come, it's time to realize that love has come when we are completely unprepared for it! Because we have few virtues, which means that we do not know how to love. It's like a parent's lack of food for a child. Of course, we will put work on ourselves, caring for love, in the first place. Otherwise, this child will starve to death. Otherwise, this love will die.

This is what we should do if we understand something in this life.

What do we really do? In most cases, for us, falling in love is just an opportunity to get another pleasure, pleasure from sex with a person who is especially pleasant to us. Instead of cultivating virtues in oneself, the result is an intensification of the vice of fornication. This is the same as taking a newborn baby by the legs - and head on a stone. What care is there about his food, what are you talking about! ..

How God believes in us, how He endures it and still gives us sparks of love!

Or maybe it doesn't give to many, knowing how they will act? Maybe that's why many say that there is no love, or they only know passion, that the sparks of love have never reached them?

Even if you belong to these, the latter, all is not lost for you. Let's start learning to love now, overcoming our vices - and God will give us His spark. And if we strengthen our work, when love comes, we will preserve it and eventually learn the depth of true love.

How to work on yourself?

You need to overcome bad habits and do good deeds. Good deeds - only really good ones - are necessary to bring us closer to love. Because a person usually does good out of love. And if we, not yet having love in ourselves, are already trying to do good, love gradually grows in us.

But what if you are already married and are afraid of losing the love you have?

If you are afraid of losing, then you will find the courage to work. Family life is itself a school of love. She constantly, several times a day, puts us before the question: "To whom will I obey, my love or my vices?" This question arises when the wife asks (or does not ask) to take out the garbage bin while we are lying on the couch. This question arises when the husband came home late from work. This question always arises when our selfishness tries to get the best of our love. Always tell yourself, "I choose love." As one well-known person admitted in his essay, after many trials of family life, he made it a rule never to allow himself to say, even in his mind, about his wife: "I do not love." This is a great recipe. It just means that a person always chooses love between passions and love. He made this a rule for himself, because he knows that he wants to keep this love for life. It takes effort and patience. But love rewards all efforts with a vengeance!

Overcoming love addiction

To the question of how to overcome the tendency to love addiction, I will answer with a figurative example.

Let's imagine two countries - Russia and Belarus. There are oil fields in Russia, but not in Belarus. Therefore, Belarus is dependent on oil supplies from Russia. This is an unpleasant condition for Belarus, which leads to conflicts between the two countries.

How can Belarus get out of this dependence?

Whatever values ​​Belarus offers Russia for oil, the dependence will still remain. And if, instead of Russia, Belarus buys oil from another country, this will again be dependence. Therefore, there is only one way out of dependence - to search for and discover oil deposits on our territory and start producing it. If Belarus produces a lot of oil, then Belarus will not only cease to be dependent on oil-producing countries, but will itself become a country on which others will depend.

It's the same with people. To stop depending on the warmth, love of people, you need to start to generate this warmth, this love in yourself and share it with people.

Another example is from astronomy. There are stars - incandescent celestial bodies that emit light. And there are black holes - superdense cosmic bodies, which, due to their monstrous gravity, do not release anything from themselves, even light, only attract and absorb. In this example, the addicted person is like a black hole, and the stars are kind, generous people.

This means that a person ceases to be addicted if he begins to shine on other people and warm them with his own warmth.

What is oil in the first example and light in the second? The "resource" that all people need is love. This is the most scarce and expensive resource in our time. No matter what anyone says about the value of money, fame, power, pleasure, without love, all these things do not please. And the one who has love is happy, even if he has nothing else.

Therefore, when we, overcoming our addiction, learn to shine for people, we need to carefully look so that our love is just real selfless love. And not by selfish trade - I do or give you something material, and in return I expect gratitude or love. This is how dependent women in marriage act, and then they are surprised: "How is it, I gave everything to him, lived for him, and he left, ungrateful!" No, you didn't give him everything. You gave him only time and work. It is great if done out of love. And you gave him your time, unconsciously counting on his love. That is, at the level of love, you were a vampire, tormenting him with expressed and tacit expectations. And it is not surprising that he could not endlessly be a donor (although outwardly he could seem to be a non-giving lazy person).

Therefore, we will learn true love, true selfless glow. Remember, as in Mayakovsky: “Always shine, shine everywhere, until the last days of the bottom, shine and no nails! This is my slogan and the sun! "

The question may arise - where does Belarus get oil, if it simply does not exist on the land of Belarus?

This is where love differs from oil. If there is oil, it is until you use it up. And love appears exactly when you give it away. And the more you consume it, the more it is in your tanks. Striving for true love, doing genuine good deeds, you will see how your heart is filled with love.

Love does not come from nowhere, just as life does not arise from nothing. Love has a Source - like an inexhaustible reservoir of oil, like an endless ocean of light, in which there are more stars than molecules in the ocean.

This Source is so rich and so generous that it gives us love without demanding anything for Itself and only rejoicing because it fills us with love.

The time will come - and if you follow the path of love and want your love to be perfect, you will open this Source for yourself, then you will see that you have found more than you were looking for ...

Dmitry Semenik

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Love between a man and a woman is a special feeling, which not every person can feel. In order to know true love, you will have to constantly work on yourself and try to make your loved one happy, sometimes even to the detriment of your interests. Moreover, this sacrifice must be reasonable. People often confuse true love and addiction. To avoid this and to return the system of values ​​"to its place" requires deep inner work.

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What is true love

True love is rare, but it exists. To create a harmonious "healthy" union, you need inner autonomy. Only two emotionally mature individuals can experience true non-addiction feeling.

Such couples are united not by possessive inclinations, but by the desire to give the partner freedom, to realize their dreams. They help each other without neglecting their lives.... They can calmly maintain relationships at a distance, since they do not feel jealous and do not want to make their loved one their property. And they also understand that for their own development they sometimes need to be far away.

There are different situations: life can throw people to different ends of the planet to realize their plans. But in a healthy relationship, there are no barriers to this. Partners give, not expecting service in return, admire and rejoice at mutual success. They are there not for the reason that it is necessary, but because they want it.

Love at first sight is not a feeling that can be considered a manifestation of true feelings. It is attraction and passion. However, there are couples who, on the basis of this, were able to build a harmonious union. They continue to admire each other further, but do not limit other people's freedom and value personal boundaries (their own and their partner's).

What distinguishes a mature union from a dependent relationship is the ability to perceive a person as he is. Partners see each other's shortcomings, but they are able to enter into dialogue and strive to help their beloved develop. These couples tend to maintain a warm, friendly relationship, even if they have come to a decision to part ways. They are grateful for the time they spent together and wish their loved one happiness.

True love is freedom. Limiting a person's personal boundaries leads to the destruction of feelings and the development of addiction.

Signs of true love:

  • Partners accept a loved one with all the merits and demerits, without trying to remake each other.
  • People completely trust, can calmly express their thoughts, feelings, share addictions and communicate needs. They do not feel constrained in communication, they are confident in the support of their partner and they themselves are ready to become his support.
  • Lovers take self-realization seriously. They are ready to help and support a loved one on the way to goals, but without causing damage to their lives. Each of the members of the union strives for their own personal growth, without hindering the other from following their own path.
  • Such people know how to accept responsibility. They know that an alliance is the ability to vouch for the fate of both partners.
  • Mature people are distinguished by the understanding that everything in life is fleeting. The relationship may end, but this should not affect the promises made. They maintain a sense of responsibility and love while maintaining friendly contacts.

To achieve such a union, you need to carry out careful work on yourself, your life and way of thinking. Only an emotionally mature person can create a pair without crippling another person. To do this, it is important to always follow your own path, not to forget about your own values, to be able to accept a partner as he is, and calmly weed out those whom he is unable to accept.

False feeling

To characterize true love, you first need to figure out what it is not. In most couples, there is a tendency to addiction. This is an unpleasant psychological state characterized by a feeling of inner emptiness and one's own inferiority outside the relationship. Finding a partner becomes an obsession. The addicted person does not fall in love, but fills himself with an object of adoration.

Falling in love is often confused with addiction. You want to spend more time with your partner, and then the distortion of values ​​smoothly occurs. The existence of the object of adoration becomes more important than one's own. The lover seeks to please his partner, to make his life as comfortable as possible, forgetting about personal needs. Dependent maybe give up your favorite occupation, career, dreams, in order to only satisfy your only one. This is the psychology of addiction. But the trap of such a situation is that the subject in question does not need such sacrifices.

If two dependent people meet, so-called codependent relationships are formed. This trap is even more dangerous than the previous one. It is almost impossible to get out of it on your own. Feeling their inferiority in the absence of contact, partners cling to each other, although this interferes with the full development of each. In such couples, emotions are always seething, which are often confused with manifestations of true love:

  • jealousy;
  • the desire to patronize;
  • disregard for personal boundaries;
  • total control.

Toxic relationships develop according to several scenarios. To avoid them, you should carefully monitor your feelings. You need to understand that mutual feelings are different, but they should not hurt. If there is a painful tendency, this is anything, but definitely not love.

Options for the development of addiction:

  1. 1. The addict completely dissolves in the partner. For him, his own boundaries and aspirations cease to exist. He renounces himself in the name of his beloved. In addition to complete dedication, such a person transfers all responsibility for his life to his beloved, placing on him the role of a parent.
  2. 2. The boundaries of the partner are absorbed by the lover. He begins to control all his actions, indicate how to act in certain situations. This is argued by the inability to independently cope with certain life circumstances, so a loved one is exposed as helpless.
  3. 3. Owning a partner is a manifestation of abuse (psychological violence). The “lover” completely destroys the boundaries of the “beloved”. He seeks not so much to care as to rule. His task becomes complete control over the life of another person, but the main actions are performed only in words. The manipulator tests his ability to influence the thoughts and emotions of another person.
  4. 4. The search for reflection is another version of the "skew" in consciousness. The addict is looking for a partner who could convince him of his own exclusivity every day. He needs to have not a personality next to him, but a “person-mirror” in which he can constantly look and be convinced of his perfection.

Continuing to follow these scenarios, a person searches for ideal love all his life, but never finds it. The only way to break the line of recurring events and frustrations is to sort out your own feelings and formulate a "healthy" view of the relationship. It is necessary to carefully monitor your thoughts in order to prevent the "skew" in consciousness again.

You and I are adults and we well understand that true love, first of all, is a constructive and pleasant feeling. It inspires, inspires and, most importantly, is the result of the mutual sympathy of two people. Everything else, which is also called love, but with the obligatory tragic epithet, is a completely different story that has nothing to do with an adequate reality.

Unrequited love is an unconscious desire (or state) of a person to go into imbalance. Or the same drug addiction, because dependence on a person is the very first sign of unhappy love. As a rule, people who are prone to such feelings are stable: they end up in similar situations over and over again. That is, as a rule, this is a person accustomed to suffering, for him unrequited love is not a bolt from the blue, but a pattern to which he is accustomed.

Why is this happening? Obsessed with "love" does not know how to take care of himself, it happens that he does not really belong to himself. Some specific object of desire is extremely important for him in order to feel life and its meaning, albeit in such a distorted form, through pain. In addition, the addict, of course, has no idea about the boundaries - his own and other people. It captures a person entirely, leaving him no opportunity to breathe. This is one of the common reasons why the initial mutual sympathy turns into unhappy love: from the one who violates personal space and controls every breath, they run to the ends of the world (if the person is adequate and mature).

How does a love addict usually come to such a life? In short, for reasons of lack of will, interest in life, self-realization, hobbies and hobbies. You have to live somehow, but in order to live fully and get a return, you need to invest. Those who do not want to invest take on the role of life-long victims and refuse to develop. The roots of love addiction have childhood scenarios: you choose a figure (like parents) and expect miracles from her. That is, you expect from a partner what the child needs: love, warmth, energy. No partner, no happiness. Sound familiar? Not many can cope with the role of "guardians": sooner or later you will realize that your loved one is not able to heal your wounds, and in general you do not get what you expect from him. Relationships are like a swing - from a state of bliss to excruciating pain.

How does love addiction begin? You are carried away by a person, and over time he becomes a resource for you - he literally energizes you. It is difficult for you to be distracted, to shift your attention to something else, you are constantly thinking not with yourself, but with the object of love. Then a terrible thing happens: the feeling begins to vampire you. You lose yourself and your ability to work, forget about family and friends, hamper your appearance and health. Ego and self-esteem collapse, covering your head with illusions, and you slowly and surely turn into jelly. Beauty, isn't it?

As is the case with all other addictions, only he himself can save the "drowning man". Stop feeding the illusion, it is better to accept reality: you are not loved (and you do not really love), but this is not the end of the world. Then try to abstract from yourself: look from the outside, how deeply you are fixated on your pain and how pointless it is to be tormented by another person. Love is built only on reciprocity. When she is not there, illusions come into play. A person with good self-esteem and a sober view of the world always sees how others treat him, and does not draw in his head too much, that which is not, unless, of course, he is a writer or artist. Those who have violated boundaries do not understand at all where their emotions begin, and where else. Everything is confused, mixed, thought out. The person has just begun to look closely at you, and you are already sure that he is in love.

Realize that life with rose-colored glasses in the midst of mirages is not capable of bringing joy. And it's not about the parents or the wrong men. Your strength is in your body, not in the body of another. Do not look for yourself in someone else's head - you will never find it. Respect yourself and others: everyone needs true reciprocity, the exchange of emotions and feelings. By playing games with them, you devalue the very meaning of love, taking the side of the dependent and the weak. Relationships are built only in stability and stability, which can later be called love. Why not give it a try, right?

For many centuries, the question of whether love really exists has not ceased to be relevant. And, of course, most people will answer yes to this question. Love is the very bright feeling in the name of which feats are performed and the meaning of life appears.

Does love at first sight exist?

Scientists have proven that 30 seconds is enough for a person to fall in love. However, love and being in love are different things. Falling in love occurs at a hormonal level and is manifested by bright and passionate sensations, strong sexual attraction and increased emotionality. It can develop into love only after a while. This happens differently for everyone, but it often takes about 3 years. During this period, you can get to know a person well, understand whether it will really be good with him and whether it will be mutual.

Does eternal love really exist?

When people finally come together, over time, those vivid feelings that were in the period of falling in love begin to fade away and an even and stable fire of love begins to burn. It begins to appear only after a while, when the couple is experiencing not only joyful moments, but also problems, thanks to which it is possible to determine the real one. When you really love a person, he becomes the closest and dearest. With him I want to start a family, remain faithful to him all his life, continue the family.

Does love exist at a distance?

While waiting for a meeting with a loved one, the relationship moves to a new level. After all, it is at this time that you can understand the significance for both of these relationships and whether you really want to wait. But after waiting for your soul mate, the relationship is again filled with vivid emotions, passion ignites and a long-awaited enjoyment of the long-awaited meeting appears.

In our time of innovative communication technologies, many people meet and fall in love on the Internet, then meet in life and have strong families. Therefore, with confidence, many couples can confirm that love at a distance really exists.

Love. How wonderful this word is. But not many can explain what it is, not many can understand what it means for them. Everyone knows that a woman loves with her ears, and a man with her stomach. So it is, but this is more of a joke option. Although, if we proceed from it, then both sexes love both so and so. Indeed, on the first date, people go to restaurants or cafes and eat there, relying on the preferences of their opponent.

On subsequent dates, couples may meet at home, where someone will prepare meals. And this is where love turns out with the stomach. After all, who wants to live with a person who can't even boil pasta. And throughout the relationship, you compliment each other. This is where love manifests itself with the ears. True, this is such a love, where you can easily cross the line and understand that a person is simply flattering you. But, no matter how strange it is, such a manifestation of feelings is to the liking of both the male and female sex.

But this is rather one of, than the basis of love. Why? Yes, because it is impossible to feed a person all his life, to give him compliments and consider that you love. No. Whatever it was, but for love you need much more. She exists. Why? There is simply no other explanation for some actions otherwise. For example, you are choosing furniture. Previously, you would have chosen a black book - a sofa, but after you started dating a girl or a man, you decided to choose a white double bed. This is an example. And at the moment you do not understand why you made such a choice. Tastes can also change in music. If you have listened to hard rock before, then most likely you will start listening to pop music or regular ro, without bass and high tones. And you seem to like it yourself.
Different sources give different definitions of the word love:

  1. The feeling of a person's highest relationship to another person of the opposite sex
  2. A feeling that manifests itself in understanding, sympathy, faith and willingness to do anything for the opposite sex

What is true love? This is the peak of ordinary love, the highest feelings that can be felt for a person, the highest level of cognition of a person as a part of oneself. Most families are created when love begins to move from ordinary to real. No matter how paradoxical it may be, but real and ordinary love are different. Ordinary love can be found everywhere: for food, animals, people at an early stage in the development of relationships. True love can only be for a person and only when one person becomes part of the other. Like this? Well, it's different for everyone. Someone's true love is shown when he begins to think not only about himself; someone has when not one plate is placed, not a table, but two; someone, when in addition to work a thought slips through his head: "What to give for the next holiday?" And much more. True love has different manifestations and forms. From the banal "Thank you", to expensive gifts and travel, or just to the usual phrase "I love you."

Does true love exist? Of course. Although some people don't believe in it. They consider this to be one of the manifestations of friendship. Although a strange manifestation: kissing, hugging, sometimes more, but consider it friendship.

Love exists from a young age. As soon as the child crawled out of the womb, feelings begin to be instilled in him, which they would not be. Although, the first feeling that is instilled in a child, perhaps, can be considered precisely love. He begins to love the world, people, mother, but he gave birth, dad for feeding. But love itself is not so dangerous as its possible consequences. Because of the strong love that parents and children cannot let go of each other in time. As a result, it turns out that parents cannot let go of the child for personal life, and children cannot find a companion for later life.

Love is the greatest magic in the world. She can both kill and cure, both give birth and eradicate. Few can handle this. Therefore, those who do not cope are alone, and those who cope often live together with the source of love.

Is it possible to distinguish love from banal affection? This question is difficult to answer. Many philosophers have tried to answer it, but few have succeeded. Someone deepened and soon could not give an answer to the most primitive questions, and someone could not comprehend even the easiest questions of love. And, as a result, this issue remained unresolved. Scientists believe that love is different from affection by actions, feelings and the simplicity of parting. So, for example, a person who is simply attached will not feel attraction, passion for the opponent, the desire to see him as soon as possible. A person in love will try to meet the object of love, see, kiss, hug, he will be bored and look for any moment to meet him. But some feelings are common. For example, jealousy is inherent in both. Still, both feelings are dangerous, because they can manifest themselves in the wrong place.

True love in the distance

This part of love is the most difficult. To make it clear, love at a distance is when both people are in different cities, countries and cannot see each other every day. This is difficult and problematic enough. For example, if in different countries, then you need to fill out a migration card, and this is a certain number of days (90 or more). That is, for the whole year you can see each other for three months.

In such a relationship, trust is important, otherwise everything will fly to dust. Why? So who will like it if, without trust, they will be jealous every day, pester him with questions, where and with whom. And in the end, it can lead to parting and a complete collapse of nerves. And this is not necessary for anyone. But it is more difficult for those who have true love, who do not cherish a soul in their partner. He will do everything to be with love even for three hours. In this way, couples begin to value their relationship and strengthen their union.

As we can see, true love exists. Those who do not believe - remember the classics: Shakespeare "Romeo and Juliet", "Two Captains" (the line of Katya and Sani) and many others. No matter what kind of elaboration we would take, there will be love. In life, she tode meets, everywhere. But, unfortunately, it does not always coincide with generally accepted frameworks and norms. In the modern world, there is almost no such thing as "true love". It is more replaced by attraction, attachment. Young people are embarrassed to admit it, or they are afraid. In any case, the fact remains. Love and be happy. After all, love is the most beautiful thing in the world.