Natural parenting is sabotage. Natural motherhood: what is it? What is natural parenting?

29.06.2020

When you read the title, you might be surprised. Is there any other kind of motherhood? Artificial or unnatural? After all, the very function of procreation is inherent in us by nature, it would seem that it is more natural here ...

In fact natural motherhood , or natural parenting , this is a parenting style that is as close to natural as possible. As much love and care as possible, instead of prohibitions and restrictions, the absence of various devices that, according to modern mothers, make life easier with a child, no mixtures and medicines.

Let's take a closer look at basic principles of natural motherhood . Perhaps, without knowing it, you are already using some of them in your life, and you will adopt something after reading our material.

We will tell you what the portal looks like UAUA.info there are unconditional advantages in these principles, and what nuances cause us doubt. Perhaps the most important thing in this case is find the golden mean in each of the postulates, listen to your intuition, attitude and desires of your baby.

Pregnancy without unnecessary medications

"Per". Adherents of natural motherhood are sure that if by the time the baby is born prepare well , then there will be no problems with the course of pregnancy.

What should the expectant mother do first:

visit a gynecologist;
take the necessary blood tests to exclude possible problems and diseases in the future;
conduct an examination of the thyroid gland, liver, kidneys;
tidy up the back and veins;
treat existing chronic diseases;
lead a healthy lifestyle;
do sport;
eat properly;
be positive.

« Against» . Yes, it's hard to argue with any of the above points, but what to do if the situation has developed in such a way that, despite the preparation, there is still a threat of failure and in order to save the child, it is necessary to use the entire arsenal of traditional medicine?

In this case, it is unlikely that the expectant mother will want to experiment and take risks.

Synthetic vitamins are also not welcome. But then what about research on the need for admission? What to do for those mothers who have severe toxicosis and they manage to maintain their body only with the help of? Most likely, the pregnant woman will have to look for answers to these questions on her own.

Childbirth without anesthesia and stimulation

"Per". Supporters of natural motherhood believe that proper natural childbirth should take place in a calm and favorable environment for the baby and mother.

And, of course, no drugs, for example, accelerating the process of opening the uterus - everything should go only in a natural way.

Natural childbirth is the key to a good physiological and psychological state of the child.

« Against» . Like it or not, but the maternity hospital is an unfamiliar place for a pregnant woman, there are strange walls around, doctors who are unlikely to demonstrate miracles of understanding.

Therefore, the best place for a natural birth is your home, apartment, your bathroom. Are you willing to take that risk?

But what if things don’t go according to plan and some complications arise that require medical intervention? If there is no qualified doctor nearby, then who will be responsible for the possible health problems of the baby?

Joint stay of mother and baby from the first minutes of a child's life

"Per". We think no one will argue that after the birth of a newborn, it is necessary to feel the warmth of mother's hands, hear the familiar sound of her heartbeat, breathe in her native smell.

Being in the company of other screaming babies in an unfamiliar large room with bright lights and the smell of bleach is another test for the baby. Having survived it, the child may grow up distrustful and cautious, because fear and loneliness were his first emotions.

If the baby sniffs at your side, the young mother will have milk faster, the processes of uterine contraction will take place more actively, and it will be much easier to establish with the baby.

He also promotes natural motherhood, then after the birth of the baby he will be able to feel the support of the two people closest to him at once - mom and dad.

« Against» . No arguments.

Early attachment of the baby to the breast

"Per". Baby stuck to the nipple and sucked, literally just born? This is how the mother will be able to contribute to the formation of the correct microflora of the child, necessary for his health and ensure lactation in the future without problems.

"Against". No arguments.

Continuous breastfeeding on demand

"Per". Feeding after 3 hours and not a minute earlier is a persistent myth that has come to us from the last century. Natural motherhood invites us to relax, forget about the clock, and breastfeed our baby as often as he wants. After all, it is simply impossible to overfeed a child with breast milk.

A child can, when he wants to eat, to quench his thirst, to fall asleep, relax, calm down, feel safe. Do not limit it in time and the number of feedings per day. Night feedings - this is normal and correct, although tiring for mom.

Contrary to the second common myth, breast milk does not lose its unique and important properties over time. Its composition is constantly changing, adjusting to the needs of the baby both at 1 month and at 3 years. It is worth feeding the child until he refuses to breastfeed himself.

Feeding on demand is also a plus for young mothers: thanks to it, the expectant mother does not know what milk stagnation is, she has much less problems with lactation in general, there is no need to pump and replace her breasts with nipples or bottles of water.

« Against» . Is natural motherhood supposed to mean that the baby hangs on the chest for hours and hours? Of course, there are also such days, for example, when the baby is sick or teething. Then he should be offered breasts without any options.

But in general, let's be reasonable. Mom is also a person, and not a dairy for the continuous satisfaction of the needs of the child.

She periodically needs rest and time for herself. Therefore, if the mother understands that now the baby can do without a breast and just play, and at that time she will have 10-15 minutes for a shower, breakfast or just doing nothing - this is normal.

Co-sleeping

"Per". It promotes prolonged lactation, makes the contact between the baby and mother even closer and gives both the confidence that everything is in order.

In addition, there is no need to get up several times a night to feed the baby. At any moment, he can find the breast himself and eat as soon as he wants, almost without taking his mother out of the kingdom of Morpheus.

« Against» . Are you one of those young mothers who have read horror stories that a child can be crushed while sleeping together? We think that if you lead a healthy lifestyle, this is unrealistic.

But you just may not like to sleep with your baby, for example, it is so difficult for you to relax.

If the husband actively protests against sharing sleep with the baby or this fact causes jealousy among older children, you are free to choose how you will act.

It is important that co-sleeping is as natural and enjoyable as breastfeeding. Do you have a different vision? Set your own rules, look for compromises, for example, transfer an already asleep baby to a crib - everyone should be comfortable and comfortable.

Carrying your baby regularly in your arms or in a sling

"Per". A newborn baby in or in his arms feels safe, because he is as close as possible to his mother. With age, it is these poses that provide the crumbs with the opportunity to learn about the world around them and observe what the mother is doing.

A baby crying in a crib alone is wrong. Yes, let many books write that nothing will happen if you let the child cry once or twice. But is it worth demonstrating your power and capabilities to your baby? How necessary is it to raise an undemanding child literally from the cradle?

« Against» . The child grows and every day, month, year becomes harder. Therefore, the ability to continuously carry it in the arms of a mother decreases every day, especially if she is of a fairly fragile physique.

The sling, of course, unties the hands, making it possible to do something around the house, but not all children love slings, this is quite individual.

Growing up, the baby will increasingly need time for independent contemplation and . How important is it to constantly occupy him with yourself, leaving no opportunity to be alone?

Early disembarkation and rejection of diapers

"Per". Early planting is that the child is potty trained literally from the first days of life. At the moment when, according to the mother, the child should urinate or defecate, the baby is planted over a bowl, basin, washbasin or bath, accompanied by pats, breastfeeding or appropriate sounds.

If the moment is not caught, then wet diapers and panties should cause the child to feeling of discomfort which disappears when using disposable diapers.

The idea of the process is that the child does not stain diapers or clothes over time, but waits for disembarkation to do his own thing.

« Against» . Spend more time looking for pee and poop than co-op play and development? Difficult choice ... If diapers are still more than mother’s helpers, then perhaps it’s up to her to decide where, how and when her child will “goof off”, and who will clean up the soiled carpet after him and whether she wants to change wet bedding every day.

Refusal of medicines and medicines

"Per". Medicines are harmful, their use is unnatural and not environmentally friendly.

« Against» . The lack of medical intervention during serious ones can lead to not very pleasant results. After all, unfortunately, the issue is not always solved only with the help of homeopathy and herbal medicine.

And how to solve the problem with vaccinations?

Pedagogical complementary food

« Per» . If the nutrition of mom and dad can be safely classified as healthy, then there is nothing to worry about if the baby will try porridge or vegetables from their plate. It is with the help of parents that they will be able to better understand the preferences of the baby, because if he does not like something, he will no longer show interest in this product.

« Against» . No arguments.

Refusal of the blessings of the modern world

"Per". Various nipples, bottles, pacifiers, strollers, playpens, walkers and swings are harmful to the child.

Feed - only breastfeed, wear - in a sling, swing - in your arms.

« Against» . It is possible that nipples spoil a child's bite, and of course they should not be substitutes for communication with their mother, but what if it is very difficult for a child to fall asleep without a pacifier? How to feed a bottle-fed baby with formula without using bottles? How far can you go with a baby in a sling if mom is already tired walking in the park, and she still needs to go to the store and buy groceries? The answer to all these questions is worth looking for yourself ...

Today we told you the principles of natural motherhood. And what is your opinion on this matter? Write us your answers in the comments to the material.

Natural parenting is a popular approach to parenting today. The attitude to this approach, and in particular to its individual principles and methods, is debatable. On the one hand, natural parenting offers long-term breastfeeding, special attention to the baby and his needs, and on the other hand, adherents of this technique are often quite aggressive towards those who do not adhere to it. Some of its principles are also questionable.

Natural parenting, what is it?

This approach to parenting has become increasingly popular in recent years. Its basics and principles are often presented at various courses in preparation for childbirth and motherhood. There are also a large number of books available on the subject.

According to the adherents of this technique, it is necessary to abandon modern “assistants” for child care as much as possible and be closer to nature. So, you should abandon strollers, nipples, bottles, store mixes and other things. In addition, according to this method, it is recommended to give birth at home, without medical interventions, and all vaccinations that are usually done in children's clinics should also be abandoned.

The development of natural development in the world

The first mention of non-traditional education for the Western world appears in European countries and America around the middle of the last century. This period fell on the heyday of the hippie movement, which involved approaching nature, rejecting the benefits of civilization and ignoring some human needs. Many young people who were carried away by this movement began to promote non-vaccination, co-sleeping with a child and other principles that later turned into elements of natural parenting.

The next stage in the development and popularity of this technique came at the end of the 80s, when the globalization of life led to greater contacts with Asian countries. Many European and American people adopted various traditions from them, including approaches to the care and upbringing of children. In the same period, many psychologists and sociologists expressed the opinion that Western methods of education are imperfect and negatively affect the mental and physical development of the child.

In the future, this approach, somewhat transformed, has reached our days, gaining more and more adherents and supporters. Of course, not all of them follow all the principles of natural parenting. Most prefer to choose the most suitable for them, rejecting others who are unreasonable from their point of view.

Principles of Natural Parenting

There are quite a few principles of natural parenting. The main ones can be considered the following:

natural childbirth. Based on this theory of caring for a baby and his upbringing, you should give birth at home, refusing as much as possible medical care and interventions. In some branches of this trend, home solo births are assumed, that is, such births when the mother does without outside help at all and gives birth alone. However, many supporters still prefer to give birth in medical facilities, while reducing medical intervention to a minimum.
A special attitude to the connection of the child with the mother after birth. It is believed that they cannot be separated. The mother should always be with the baby.
Prolonged breastfeeding. According to this method, the child should be breastfed for at least 2-3 years. In this case, weaning can take place according to traditional methods or be postponed until the time when the baby himself does not refuse the breast.
Constant tactile contact of the child with the parents, especially with the mother. This means avoiding strollers and carrying your baby in a sling or in your arms. In addition, natural parenting implies that the child should be picked up at his first request.
Co-sleeping with mother or both parents.
Natural hygiene of infants, that is, the rejection of diapers and diapers.
Refusal to vaccinate.
Tempering a baby.
Maximum refusal to treat a child with medications.
Pedagogical food. This means that there is no time frame for starting complementary foods. When the child becomes interested in adult food, then you should begin to introduce him to it, while giving him a portion of the same food that the parents eat. From this principle comes a healthy diet for the whole family. In addition, natural parenting rejects the grinding of food for a child to a state of puree.

We can say that natural parenting brings the upbringing and care of the baby as close as possible to the conditions of nature.

The course of "natural parenting" itself, as well as many of its principles, are often criticized and questioned. Thus, criticism often begins with the very name of the approach. Opponents of this technique say that it is still more artificial than natural. After all, approaches to the care and upbringing of children in different tribes, races, on different continents and countries differ significantly from each other, so it is almost impossible to develop a unified system for raising children.

Another common claim to this technique is that it is quite difficult, and often impossible, to create the conditions necessary for the natural development of a child in the modern world. In addition, there are doubts about the appropriateness of this and the correctness of the rejection of many modern benefits that make it easier to care for a baby. So, for example, the rejection of diapers creates big problems for long walks and travels with a child when it is not possible to drop him off. Independent home births and the refusal of vaccinations and medications endanger the life and health of the child and mother. The constant carrying of the baby in her arms can adversely affect the condition of the parents and reduces the duration of walks.

Another point in which the ideologists of this movement are often accused is the manipulation of parental feelings for material gain. Often courses and schools of natural parenting are closed, and training is conducted on a paid basis. At the same time, one can detect features that resemble sects: faith in the correctness of the teacher's words, the only correct opinion, the irrefutability of postulates, closeness, and so on. Ideologists and teachers who conduct classes, as well as midwives who take birth at home, do not always have a specialized education.

There are also some advantages of a natural approach to raising a child:

the baby is closer to the mother, which has a positive effect on his mental state, and the mother learns to better understand her child;
wearing in a sling is often more comfortable than a stroller;
the benefits of breastfeeding are not in doubt, babies who receive it are less likely to get sick;
psychologically, a child who is constantly with his parents grows more confident and healthy.

There are also disadvantages of this approach:

Mom has practically no time for herself and older children. She cannot go somewhere, it is difficult for her to do household chores;
responsibility for the health and development of the baby lies only with the parents, and they do not always have enough experience and knowledge;
Often parents feel guilty because they do not have the opportunity to follow all the postulates of the methodology.

Natural parenting - a sect

In itself, the course of "natural parenthood" cannot be considered a sect, it is rather a psycho-cult. Within its borders, there are many areas, such as slingomams, natural nutrition, eco-life, natural care and others. However, there are schools and courses that promote the principles of natural parenting, the activities of which strongly resemble sects. Some of these schools were even closed and banned in our country. In addition, the danger is the refusal of medical care, vaccination and full treatment. This often causes serious health problems for children, and sometimes even their death. Doubts should be raised by organizations that provide courses on natural parenting for a fee and promote the irrefutability of all the principles of this approach.

That is, the scheme tends to return to its roots and reject many of the gifts of civilization, as something that comes between mother and baby. The new scheme, by and large, divided mothers into two camps - admirers and opponents of natural parenting.

When my daughter was very young, I, like many other mothers, searched the Internet for answers to various questions. And I realized that no answers. There are two opposing tribes, each of which zealously defends its own truth: traditional parents and "natural".

In fact, these two camps are not only a way of dealing with children. It is a mindset, a way of life.

I gravitated more to the naturalists. Looking back, I think this approach gave me a lot in terms of being able to understand my daughter and be sensitive to her needs. But now it seems to me that natural parenting would be more suitable for a mother who has at least minimal outside help. Otherwise, the whole life begins to revolve around the baby. I couldn't afford to comfort my daughter with a pacifier or put her in a playpen. Because ... considered it almost a crime! And it is very exhausting physically and emotionally. That is, a kind luxury be with the child at 100% every second.

Natural parenting is an idea that leaves mom very little of her personal space—her bed, her plate, her minute. And here resources should be very well thought out. Where does the energy come from?

It seems to me also important that supporters of conscious parenthood are more likely to “slide” into the feeling of guilt that is so detrimental to the child. Because in this concept, the mother owes the child a lot, if not to say "everything". There is, as it were, a claim to being perfect. But as a child psychologist, I know that for the successful development of a child, an ordinary mother is needed. Preferably calm. Let with their shortcomings.

There is a catch in this too. Because the very theory of natural parenting, most likely, does not require the mother to be perfect. But the original idea of "closeness" to the child is erased behind external attributes: breastfeeding, slings and co-sleeping. After all, you can perform the task of intimacy without this, or you can not do it with all this.

The first thing that I, an inexperienced mother, took out for myself is exactly the actions that I should do. So it was with me. And here I do not pretend at all that this was the case for everyone.

For me, this concept turned out to be a lot duty and few choice. In my boundless trust in everything I read, at some point I replaced the thought “ I know what's best" on the " Natural Parenting Knows Best».

It turns out that a style that initially involves following your instincts ended up standing between me and my instincts. “What kind of loving mother am I, since I don’t drop a child?” - but so any philosophy will sooner or later become a prison.

The main pitfall for me was this:

it is promoted that "No one knows better than mom." In fact, the texts not about supporting mother's intuition but about how should act good mom.

Now I think that the essence of this style of parenting, in fact, was not in contempt for walkers, but in the ability to listen to yourself and the baby, feel each other and do as your intuition tells you.
Some of my friends, ardent "naturalists" only by the third birth allowed themselves to give the child a nipple and put on a diaper for him. Because it saves energy. But this third child is no less beloved.

There may be another extreme here. It is easy to shift one's own responsibility onto the "imperfect theory". Therefore, I would like to say that, of course, everything was built by myself. Theory is just a tool in the hands of each of us. So it was in my case.

At this point, some conclusions need to be drawn. But I don't really want to. Because any result of someone else's experience is a trap for a new person. Perhaps the ideal theory of education is that with maximum awareness, leave the last word to yourself. Nobody knows better than ourselves.

PHOTO - Yulia Zalnova

The main idea of upbringing methods at the end of the 20th-beginning of the 21st century is the satisfaction of innate needs for affection, warmth, food and security. Natural education, according to its supporters, is based on the evolutionary theory of human development as a species in nature, based on the traditions of education in a particular culture or on modern scientific data from the fields of psychology, pedagogy, biology, medicine, anthropology, biochemistry, dentistry. A distinctive feature of all areas of natural parenting is an appeal to the natural, animal or biological origins of a person. In one way or another, harmony with nature is emphasized. There is no clear opinion about what is “natural” and “natural”. The interpretation of naturalness can be made through the prism of traditional experience and knowledge transmitted in a particular culture, anthropological research on ancient people and comparison of these data with observations of modern peoples and tribes that live in a primitive system, or rely on knowledge from the field of human and mammalian biology.

Supporters of natural parenting believe that parents have everything they need in order to properly care for a child (in contrast to the scientific approach, where it is believed that only specially trained specialists understand child care and parenting). Parents who spend a lot of time with their children naturally learn to understand their basic needs. So, for example, a mother gives a breast to a child, not when he cries, but when he begins to show discomfort, his sleep becomes restless, and if his hand is near his face, he turns towards the hand, opens his mouth or even tries to suck his hand or any object near the mouth (search behavior). This approach fully coincides not only with the historical and cultural traditions of raising children among many peoples, but also with the recommendations of a number of specialists. Such upbringing is perceived by them as time-tested and the most humane and acceptable for human development.

Supporters of natural parenting partially or completely refuse devices that, from their point of view, are unnatural for a child (bottles, artificial milk substitutes, pacifiers, disposable diapers, as well as baby beds, cradles, walkers, jumpers, playpens, strollers).

Some of the experts believe that some of these items may pose a danger to the health of the child, for example, the use of artificial nipples can lead to pathologies in the development of the facial and jaw apparatus, which can subsequently cause various diseases, such as otitis media, sleep apnea, speech pathologies. The use of bottles for feeding children is associated with overfeeding and impaired self-regulation of appetite in the child. Overfeeding in infancy is correlated with obesity in adulthood.

Elements of Natural Parenting

Natural childbirth. Proponents of natural parenting prefer to give birth in maternity hospitals or at home without medical interventions, which are associated with the possible risk of negative birth outcomes for mothers and children. They are close to the obstetric approach to childbirth, which is supported by the World Health Organization. The concept of natural childbirth in the context of the ideology of natural parenting ranges from vaginal birth in the maternity hospital with medical interventions to solo birth at home. Most often, proponents of natural childbirth give birth in maternity hospitals, if possible, without intervention in childbirth, or they practice home births with a midwife. Sometimes childbirth in the natural parenting system is seen as a social family event rather than a medical one.
Respect for the bond that forms between mother and child after birth. This is manifested in the non-separation of the mother-child couple after childbirth. Within natural parenting, there is a wide range of ideas about how much or not to interfere in the mother-child relationship. For example, home birth with a midwife does not mean that the child will not be socialized through some actions inherent in society, and not the natural course of events in the nature of mammals. The main distinguishing feature of the initiation of children in natural parenting is the absence of violence and pain.
Breast-feeding. Proponents of the method often practice breastfeeding for at least two years, which, if adequate complementary foods are available, is allowed in the recommendations " World Health Organization". Children can be fed both before self-weaning and weaned in traditional ways. Proponents of natural parenting believe that any woman can breastfeed, and therefore tend to seek help from other experienced breastfeeders or lactation consultants to overcome problems.
Tactile contact between parents and children.
Parents' awareness of what children see, hear and feel. This allows the parent to share the feelings and feelings of the child.
Carrying babies in arms and in a sling.
Co-sleeping with mother or parents. Co-sleeping is the predominant sleep arrangement in families with young children around the world. The evolution of a child's sleep occurs in the presence of the mother, and the separate sleep of mother and child increases the risk of sudden infant death syndrome.
Pedagogical complementary food or the transfer of a child from breastfeeding to the family table;
Natural hygiene of the newborn, that is, disembarkation, rejection of disposable diapers ("pampers").
A conservative approach to medical care, treatment with pharmacological drugs.
A conservative approach to vaccination.
hardening.
Healthy food for the whole family.
Positive encouragement of cooperative behavior in children. This can manifest itself in the avoidance of violent methods of discipline, such as beating, spanking, verbal abuse and rebukes.
Natural family planning.
An unbroken approach to parenting, "closer style" (Eng. )

The name "inseparable approach" was created by Dr. William Serze (Eng. William Sears). It means an approach to parenting based on psychological attachment theories. According to this theory, a strong emotional bond with parents in early childhood is a prerequisite for confident and empathetic relationships in adulthood.

This approach has become popular around the world thanks to the books written by Dr. William Serze and nurse Martha Serze. This approach uses only part of the principles of natural parenting: prolonged breastfeeding, carrying and co-sleeping. Dr. Serz himself and his wife Martha Serz say that there are no special rules for this type of parenthood.

Based on Dr. Cerza's approach, Attachment Parenting International (API) promotes eight principles of attachment-based natural parenting that parents should strive for. These principles include:

preparation for pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood;
feed children with love and respect;
respond with respect to the child's feelings;
use nurturing touch as part of parenting;
provide physically and emotionally safe sleep;
caring for a child predictably and lovingly;
use positive methods of discipline;
Strive to balance personal and family life.
Benefits of a natural approach

The natural approach has been around for many years and explores different practices (formula feeding and its dangers, the dangers of separate sleeping, the dangers of non-parental care). The followers of natural parenting state:

a natural approach helps to establish a very strong emotional connection with the child for many years;
the use of a sling helps a busy mother (and other family members) to cope with the housework, as well as to remain involved in society, to be active and diverse activities;
some techniques practiced by proponents of natural parenting (frequently carrying a child in a sling or in arms, sleeping together) help to minimize or even avoid infant colic ;
breastfeeding saves parents time and money, and also helps to keep the child healthy (breastfeeding helps protect against allergies, asthma, and other diseases more than any other means).
childbirth in a pleasant and calm environment for a woman, where she feels safe, ends favorably. Birthing interventions that are characteristic of medical management of childbirth lead to complications in childbirth, and as a result, the outcome of childbirth worsens for both mother and child. Infants born in hospitals are known to be more likely to suffer from birth trauma, meconium aspiration, and to require neonatal resuscitation and oxygen therapy more than 24 hours after birth. Studies of mortality in and after childbirth during the period 1800-1950 point to the fact that "In the context of the total number of births, maternal deaths were rare." There is a possibility of a woman dying during childbirth, while an increase in maternal mortality is associated with the method of conducting childbirth in hospitals. In recent years, there has been evidence that maternal mortality is increasing. The increase in maternal mortality in childbirth is associated with an increasing number of surgical births.
Some of the co-sleeping researchers note the following:

People who slept with their parents when they were kids have higher self-esteem than those who didn't sleep.
According to one theory, some children are not able to exit the deep sleep phase when their body temperature drops or they stop breathing for a short time. But when they sleep in the same bed with their parents, under the influence of movements and sounds produced by their parents, they spend less time in the deep sleep phase and more in the REM phase. In addition, with parents, babies are more likely to sleep on their side (this is the natural position for breastfeeding) or on their back, which makes it easier for them to breathe. Decreases the likelihood of prone positioning, a known risk factor for SIDS. However, there is evidence that the position on the side can be dangerous for the child.

Katya Khlomova, child and family psychotherapist: Ideas "turned" mothers' heads relatively recently. This style of parenting criticizes the traditional approach to childhood and offers alternatives to home birth, breastfeeding, slinging, dropping out, avoiding traditional medicines and vaccinations, feeding from the common table instead of baby food, and homeschooling as an alternative to kindergarten and school.

That is, the scheme tends to return to its roots and reject many of the gifts of civilization, as something that comes between mother and baby. The new scheme, by and large, divided mothers into two camps - admirers and opponents of natural parenting.

When my daughter was very young, I, like many other mothers, searched the Internet for answers to various questions. And I realized that no answers. There are two opposing tribes, each of which zealously defends its own truth: traditional parents and "natural".

In fact, these two camps are not only a way of dealing with children. It is a mindset, a way of life.

I gravitated more to the naturalists. Looking back, I think this approach gave me a lot in terms of being able to understand my daughter and be sensitive to her needs. But now it seems to me that natural parenting would be more suitable for a mother who has at least minimal outside help. Otherwise, the whole life begins to revolve around the baby. I couldn't afford to comfort my daughter with a pacifier or put her in a playpen. Because ... considered it almost a crime! And it is very exhausting physically and emotionally. That is, a kind luxury be with the child at 100% every second.

Natural parenting is an idea that leaves mom very little of her personal space—her bed, her plate, her minute. And here resources should be very well thought out. Where does the energy come from?

It seems to me also important that supporters of conscious parenthood are more likely to “slide” into the feeling of guilt that is so detrimental to the child. Because in this concept, the mother owes the child a lot, if not to say "everything". There is, as it were, a claim to being perfect. But as a child psychologist, I know that for the successful development of a child, an ordinary mother is needed. Preferably calm. Let with their shortcomings.

There is a catch in this too. Because the very theory of natural parenting, most likely, does not require the mother to be perfect. But the original idea of "closeness" to the child is erased behind external attributes: breastfeeding, slings and co-sleeping. After all, you can perform the task of intimacy without this, or you can not do it with all this.

The first thing that I, an inexperienced mother, took out for myself is exactly the actions that I should do. So it was with me. And here I do not pretend at all that this was the case for everyone.

For me, this concept turned out to be a lot duty and few choice. In my boundless trust in everything I read, at some point I replaced the thought “ I know what's best" on the " Natural Parenting Knows Best».

It turns out that a style that initially involves following your instincts ended up standing between me and my instincts. “What kind of loving mother am I, since I don’t drop a child?” - but so any philosophy will sooner or later become a prison.

The main pitfall for me was this:

it is promoted that "No one knows better than mom." In fact, the texts not about supporting mother's intuition but about how should act good mom.

Now I think that the essence of this style of parenting, in fact, was not in contempt for walkers, but in the ability to listen to yourself and the baby, feel each other and do as your intuition tells you.
Some of my friends, ardent "naturalists" only by the third birth allowed themselves to give the child a nipple and put on a diaper for him. Because it saves energy. But this third child is no less beloved.

There may be another extreme here. It is easy to shift one's own responsibility onto the "imperfect theory". Therefore, I would like to say that, of course, everything was built by myself. Theory is just a tool in the hands of each of us. So it was in my case.

At this point, some conclusions need to be drawn. But I don't really want to. Because any result of someone else's experience is a trap for a new person. Perhaps the ideal theory of education is that with maximum awareness, leave the last word to yourself. Nobody knows better than ourselves.

PHOTO - Yulia Zalnova